Andy wanted to deny that she was falling apart, but as soon as her husband got off the phone, she nearly burst into tears. She had gone through too much pain lately, too many revelations that had torn her apart and ruined the beauty of her world. Where was she even supposed to start?
Her best friend at work had been put up for the promotion that was supposed to be hers. The boy who had been there for her since childhood was gone. Her relationship had fallen apart when the aforementioned best friend slept with her co-worker behind her back and neither of them had the decency to say a damned word to her until she caught them. Andy had retaliated by getting involved with Robert Sullivan, her Battalion Chief. . . The man she had expected to tell her no because she was his subordinate and she didn't need to be under him in more ways than one. She didn't need further complications, and yet, for some stupid reason, she had pushed the relationship. Then, right as things were getting good, the worst possible thing had happened.
Her father had gotten the news that he was dying. It was cancer, aggressive, and he did not have long. The revelation had spurred her into action. It had shown her that her relationship with Sullivan was deeper than what she'd had with Jack Gibson. This wasn't some hot, secret, sexy bubble. Okay, so maybe a secret work romance was a little forbidden and sexy, and Andy kind of liked the idea of sneaking around with Robert. But she had also known when she started it that he would not be satisfied that way for long. Robert Sullivan was not either of her exes. He was not sweet, innocent Ryan who wanted to love her and make her the woman he could show off to the world and scream from the rooftops how much he adored her. But he also wasn't raw, damaged, broken Jack, who hadn't known how to express his feelings, and when she rejected him, had climbed into bed with her bisexual best friend.
No, Robert was a man with feelings and needs who knew deep losses and was looking for someone to share his burdens. Andy had wondered if that was meant to be her. She longed for someone like him who could, for once, make her feel the ground beneath her feet. She had spent so long fighting fires that she had begun to feel the flames even when they were not there. She was supposed to have the day off from work today; supposed to be meeting her Tía Sandra and some of the rest of her mother's family.
When her father died, Andy had spent what felt like a lifetime going through his things. It was, perhaps, one of the most foolish mistakes she had made since she had been a wild and rebellious teenager. Andy had begun to believe that she had never left that phase of her life behind, but she knew better. She had been trying to rebel for years. She wanted to prove to her father that she was an adult, capable of shouldering the legacy he had built as the captain of Station 19. Sleeping with Jack Gibson and Ryan Tanner had made her feel like she wasn't some sheltered little girl anymore, despite the fact that they both handled her with kid gloves. But all it had shown her father was that she was ill-prepared to lead. He had named her best friend at the station as her Captain, leaving Andy with a crisis.
What would she do now? Her mind brought her back to the recent past; to the day Maya had gotten her comeuppance and their friendship had been restored. That was the day Robert Sullivan had come into her life. Andy could count four times that her life had been flipped completely on its head or back again. Meeting Robert was one of the worst of those times. Now she was dealing with two more: Pruitt Herrera, the father who had spent his entire life trying to shelter her, was dead just months after seeing her marry Robert. Then, while going through her father's things, Andy had discovered he had been lying to her for years about her mother's side of the family. Instead of being horrible people, they had been incredibly sweet, welcoming her in and loving her. They had promised to always be there for her. She needed that assurance; her husband was facing an addiction that she could not help him through, one she worried was her fault.
Andy knew seeing him right now was not the best idea. But for the first time in a very long time, she could be honest with herself and admit that she needed him. Christmas was coming. Even addicts were usually released from their programs for Christmas. That would mean that Robert would be with her. She could finally bring him into her world, surrounded by the family that God had given back to her. But a part of her was terrified that it would be too much for him; that being with her would send him spiraling back to the drugs and the darkness that had changed the man she loved.
Please, God, don't let that happen. I just want a peaceful Christmas with my family. If I can't have my father here, then at least let me have my husband home where he belongs. It was too bad that fires and disasters never took a holiday.
