Vol. 6
Ch. 6
Don't Go Crying To Ur Mama Cuz Ur Living In The Real World
"Mm," Dazai felt some feeling tingly in his arms. He was lying down on something soft. It actually felt kind of nice. It wasn't a bed. But it didn't feel like the couch either. Maybe it was an odd pillow?
His muddy brown eyes slowly opened, and he registered he was in an apartment? His vision came into focus, and with it, he stared up at the lightly snoozing —terrible taste in hats— Port Mafia Executive whose lap he apparently had his head resting on with a smaller pillow tucked under his neck for support.
How did he get here?
Ah, yes, now he remembered. He passionately tried to confess to carrot-top here, and was tenderly strangled by his own noose until he passed out. It was a shame Chūya was a man—a clone, but still— otherwise he would have made an ideal beautiful woman candidate for Dazai's campaign of a lover's suicide. Of course, if his partner was Chūya it really would just end up being a single homicide.
Still, it wasn't like Chūya to fall asleep with the head of his arch nemesis resting in his lap. Dazai watched some drool comically dribble out of the corners of his mouth and that's when he noticed the slightly red hue in Chūya's otherwise pale cheeks. Chūya was drunk.
Dazai pursed his lips, mostly so he wouldn't laugh and wake up Chūya immediately. That's a dangerous thing to drink and let your guard down around someone like me, Chūya, Dazai couldn't help but giggle, slightly bemused to himself.
"Ah?" Chūya stirred, and as Dazai was about to sit up, felt a gloved hand shove him by his head back into Chūya's lap. Chūya readjusted, still strong as ever, and hugged Dazai like a body pillow. Chūya snored. Dazai found his nose comically pressed against the minuscule amount of space he actually had between the couch and Chūya's actual crotch, between Chūya's thighs and found he didn't appreciate this very compromising position*. He vowed he'd get Chūya back once the brat was sober.
[*reference to position from Dead Apple ;-P ]
Chūya did have a terrible drinking habit. He'd fallen in love with the stuff since joining the Port Mafia and comically despite what most people believed, was still pretty damn strong even when hammered.
That didn't explain why he was drinking, but Dazai figured it was mostly because of him being there and felt bemused and mischievous. Still, he found he couldn't move his head, and he contemplated throwing Chūya across the room.
"Oh? So this is where Chūya lives?" A familiar voice said from behind Dazai. Dazai froze.
THUD.
BONK.
BAM.
"Ow!" Chūya complained, eyes opening immediately to find himself on the floor. Dazai found himself leaning over Chūya, having failed in his attempt to disengage himself from Chūya's annoyingly persistent grasp.
"Eh, am I interrupting something?" The young woman blinked, gazing at these two. Chūya gasped, face turning red as the wine he liked to drink as he realized, upon waking up more, just who he was apparently trapped under.
"Get off, bastard!" He punched Dazai square in the jaw, and Dazai saw the saints come marching home, as he flew into the wall and left an indent in it, as he slid down it, hacking up blood.
"Ah, you two sure are energetic," Alu quirked an eyebrow, hand on her hip. Next to her, stood Elise, who just rolled her eyes.
"They're always like this," she said, matter-of-fact faced.
"Ah, the spring time of youth," Alu grinned, giving the two horrified boys a thumbs up.
"It's not like that!" Chūya blushed incredibly embarrassed. "I hate that guy!"
Alu held up her hands. "Calm down, Chūya, I'm just kidding," she reiterated.
Chūya flared down just a little, remembering the last time he'd yelled at her for teasing and not wanting to make her cry again like a jerk. "Tch," he huffed. He glared at Dazai who was dusting himself off, having done the anime 101 fast recovery trope. "Why were you on me anyways, you sick bastard!" He cracked his knuckles.
"Well it's hard to remove oneself from someone who is adamantly trying to use you as a Sumo-wrestling styled body pillow," Dazai countered back, smiling, though it was obvious he was actually a bit irritated.
"Hah?" Chūya flared up. "Like I'd ever willingly touch you, you sociopathic—!"
"Enough, you two," Alu's serious tone actually made the boys pause. Alu smiled at Chūya, and she pointed at Dazai. "I know you don't like him, but is it alright to work with him despite that?"
"Hell no," Chūya coldly glared at Alu, his buzz killed thanks to that damn Dazai.
Dazai however had his interest piqued. He tilted his head at Alu. "Is there any way that working with him will actually increase his chance of dying?" He asked, humorously.
"Boss says listen to Alu," Elise replied loudly, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at Chūya. "So you would do well to listen!" She used a bossy tone and Chūya groaned inwardly. If it was an order from the big man himself, he had no choice.
"I refuse to discuss the details of anything as long as that is in the room with us," Dazai said, putting his hands in his trench coat pockets. His body smarted from Chūya's blow but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle.
"Got a problem with me being in the room, huh? Wanna—?" Chūya's defensive rant was cut off when Dazai pointed in Alu's direction.
Alu's eyes flickered.
Chūya's eyes darted to where Dazai was pointing, frowning, and he realized it was Elise he actually meant. Chūya glared at Dazai. "Elise has a right to listen to my plan," Alu said.
"Who says I don't have a plan of my own already?" Dazai shrugged.
"Oi," Chūya growled. "What the hell is actually going on?Why do I have to get involved anyways?"
"Dazai," Alu said, frowning at him.
Chūya quieted. He knew there were plenty of people that lectured Dazai in the past. Hell, there were plenty of people that would love to discipline him even now for his cocky behavior, but when this girl was serious, he couldn't help but notice that Dazai actually listened.
Dazai shrugged again. "I tolerate her existence, but anything linked to him I will not have hovering," his icy tone and sudden shift in attitude puzzled Chūya. Had his boss done something to warrant such animosity? Actually, Dazai had still never explained why he had left the Port Mafia.
"For this plan to work, I need you to put your personal feelings aside," Alu said, with a small sigh.
Dazai paused. Then his face twisted with a momentary pain that Chūya didn't understand was possible. Then Dazai began to smile and giggle. Ah yep, there was the crackhead Chūya knew. "You want me to put my 'personal' feelings aside?" Dazai tutted, wagging a finger at Alu.
Elise and Chūya collectively looked ready to punch him for their own reasons.
Alu blinked and sighed, shaking her head. "Fine, have it your way," she said, surprising Dazai. He thought she'd go into a speech about teamwork and all that childish nonsense about putting differences aside. Instead she just ignored him? Wait, she was including Chūya but not him? Dazai felt like a jilted lover. His poor black heart.
"Chūya, I know you're probably used to these types of threats by now but the truth is, you're essential to me being able to save Odasaku," Alu explained to Chūya.
"What do you mean?" Chūya asked, dumbly. He didn't have a close relationship with Odasaku. He only knew him from work.
Dazai as well, took a deep breath. "She means that you're the trump card in getting Odasaku back," he explained. He didn't know why Alu just agreed to let him do things his own way, but he understood that she wasn't going to just let him take Chūya with him. Damn her timing. If Chūya hadn't strangled him to death, he would have left with carrot-top before now.
Chūya didn't look any less confused and normally, Dazai would tease him but he knew this wasn't the time. Odasaku's life was at stake here. Dazai wondered if this is what it felt like, to be on the side opposite of the fox girl's. It was a foreboding feeling, to say the least. Dazai almost laughed. So this was it then? The girl wasn't going to waste her breath on him because she wanted him to come to this conclusion himself? Or perhaps he was the only one reading too much into this. Perhaps she just didn't want to talk and reason it out with him? No, that didn't fit her character. Alu was the kind of person to try to explain things and formulate some understanding from them. But, to not be on her side? Dazai normally stayed on his own side, not one to waver—unless it was Odasaku, but. Did he really want to oppose this girl's plan if it meant alienating her? Dazai found he actually didn't have an answer to that.
"Trump card?" Chūya repeated, gazing at Alu and Elise for exposition.
Alu nodded. "Yes, in all honesty, the people who have taken Odasaku hostage work with the Russian man, Fyodor…and he seems keen to acquire you, no doubt for your ability."
Chūya grit his teeth. Being a target never seemed to end. He began to chuckle, much to Alu's surprise. Grinning darkly, Chūya cracked his knuckles, pleased to take out his frustration with Dazai in a more productive manner. "So whose ass are you asking me to kick first?" He beamed at Alu. Elise comically cracked her knuckles, mimicking Chūya.
"Yeah!" She piped in, and Alu couldn't help but giggle at their sudden mutual enthusiasm.
"We're going to try to do this without resorting to senseless violence," Alu said, with a sweat drop, waving her arms to try to contain the growing blood lust in both of her friends. Well, Chūya wasn't actually a friend yet, but Alu hoped they could be. "Elise, go on ahead with Dazai," Alu said to everyone's disbelief and shock.
"Huh?" Elise scrunched her nose up like a french bulldog. "No thank you!"
"If you are attempting to have me change my mind, I will tell you right now and save you the disappointing realization," Dazai replied, deadpan. "I'd take Chūya over her, in all honesty."
"You hate me that much, huh?" Elise flared, glaring at Dazai. "That's fine! I—!"
Alu held out a hand in front of Elise. Elise faltered. Chūya was about to retort as well about not wanting to work with Dazai but the air about Alu was different. "I think that is a great idea! Ah, Dazai, you always think of the best arrangement!" Alu clasped her hands together, sparkling. Dazai felt a terrible scratch of a record somewhere in the back of his mind. Wait, had she just cornered him? Did she just trick him into choosing to work alongside Chūya?
"I don't want to work with that guy!" Chūya complained.
Elise puffed out her cheeks and turned to Alu. "Chūya could work with just us, Alu! He doesn't need that trashy guy!" She tugged on Alu's sleeve. Alu blinked with some surprise. She hadn't seen Elise actually show any emotion regarding other members before of the Port Mafia, but it was apparent that she actually got along fairly well with Chūya. Alu got some vague memories from Elise just then, of Chūya putting up with Elise's childish whims, messing with his hair, messing with his clothes, and otherwise just doing obnoxious things like a little sister would to a brother almost. Alu's eyes flickered.
"You really care about Chūya, don't you, Elise?" Alu said softly.
Chūya furrowed his brow. He found Elise annoying at times but he never actually disliked her. He had to put up with her because of his boss but he wondered what Alu was deducing. "Elise is a'right in my book," Chūya huffed. "Which is why I'd rather work with her than him, any day."
"Chūya is a member of the Port Mafia, so of course I care," Elise huffed, sticking her nose in the air, haughtily.
Alu knew it was more than just that, but she didn't tease Elise any further. She was just happy to realize that Elise did have someone in the Port Mafia that could care about her after all. "Alas, it has been decided," Alu proclaimed, spreading her arms wide and grinning at the others. "Chūya and Dazai make a good offense and defense…"
"I do make a good offense," Chūya agreed.
"You misunderstand," Alu continued, while Chūya furrowed his brows, bewildered at her deflection. "Dazai is the offense here, and so Chūya, you're the defense!" She beamed at them.
"What does that mean?" Chūya complained. "He can't punch for shit!"
Dazai waved a hand breezily, bemused at whatever the hell this girl was trying to plan. "I'm a great flirt though!" He cheekily added. He found it was pointless to fight her tide, she just ended up sucking him in. It was too late for him to just back out now. In fact, he was curious to see this through. Normally one who liked to be in complete control of the situation, Dazai found it entertaining and a bit exhilarating to actually give someone else the reins for once. Even though Dazai was anxious to get Odasaku back, he knew that if anyone could make that happen, it was this person. It both aggravated and frustrated Dazai, just how powerless he was compared to her. Dazai's eyes flickered a little. Did he resent Alu just a little bit?
"Alright," Alu said, brusque. "Dazai, I completely agree that you working with Chūya would work out better than working with Elise in this mission!"
Dazai mentally facepalmed. He definitely walked into that one. And he somehow sensed Alu was going to tease him about it. She was very sharp and witty, someone that Dazai acknowledged made his day a little bit more intriguing. "What's your plan?" Elise asked Alu, frowning.
"Well, Dazai already planned to turn Chūya over in exchange for Odasaku," Alu replied, with a shrug. Dazai blinked. Huh? Wait, how would she know his plan? He hadn't sensed a rewrite used. Was this a memory block situation like Juubi had mentioned before? No, that also didn't make sense. "I know he planned to thwart Fyodor and still get Chūya back, no doubt planned to let Chūya just unleash hell on Fyodor's group," Alu added.
"What the hell, was that really your plan?" Chūya growled, glaring at Dazai.
"Chūya," Dazai said, with a deep sigh, covering his face with one hand. "I would never think of subjecting you to a dangerous situation… unless it personally benefited me!"
Chūya grabbed Dazai by his collar, readying another punch. Dazai let out a small squeak, holding up his hands, waiting for the blow but it never came. Dazai's eyes widened. Maybe it was because Chūya had been drinking, but Chūya's eyes looked stormy and wet. "Bastard," Chūya spit out before he just let go of Dazai's shirt and turned away. "I'm only working with you because Alu asked."
He stormed away, grabbing his coat off the coat rack in the hallway.
Alu knew this conflict between Dazai and Chūya was something they needed to work out, in their own time. She had a feeling it was more than just her reveal about Dazai's terrible plan. She actually didn't know what Dazai was going to do, but it seriously fit his profile considering his history with Chūya and the type of schemer he tended to be. "Dazai," Alu sighed, as Chūya stormed out of the room. "Sometimes you take your jokes too far," she frowned.
"Who said I was joking?" Dazai coolly replied with a shrug. All of a sudden, he felt moody. She was defending that guy? Dazai hadn't done anything wrong! Dazai felt like sulking. It wasn't like he meant to make Chūya so upset he was going to cry like a baby! Jeez, it was most likely just the effects of Chūya's alcohol anyways.
"If you don't learn to value those close to you, then…you really are no different than Ango," Alu said calmly.
Dazai felt his blood run cold.
Was she seriously relating him to that bastard? Dazai felt genuine anger bubble up for the first time. Was she picking a fight? She knew his feelings on Ango! She knew the situation between him and the other two. Hell, he could handle a lecture on why he wasn't willing to work alongside Mori's ability but this felt different. This felt deeply personal. "I don't give a damn what Chūya does as long as it benefits me," he coldly replied, and for the first time, he scowled at Alu, because he didn't need her lecturing him on matters that had nothing to do with her. His relationship with Chūya had absolutely nothing to do with her.
Alu gazed at him, but she wasn't even flinching.
Dazai walked over to her, reaching out as though to pat her shoulder. Elise growled however and blocked Alu from Dazai's touch. "Don't touch her," Elise growled.
Alu's eyes flickered. "Hey, Elise-!"
Dazai just smirked darkly and grabbed Elise by the wrist. His hand glowed and Alu's eyes widened. "Dazai! Hey!"
Alu was someone that intrigued Dazai. But she also frustrated him. She didn't understand what was going on in his mind or his heart. Why did she think she needed to interject herself into his relationships with other people? It wasn't any of her business. Odasaku was one thing, but he had to remind her, that he wasn't someone to mess with.
Elise cried out, as she faded, unable to withstand Dazai's ability which canceled her out, returning her to Mori's side. Alu was alone in the living room with Dazai, though that was momentary as Chūya leaned in the entrance way connecting the living room to the hallway near the front door, coat on, ready to go, eyes narrowed. "Tch," he huffed, "Elise was going to be part of Alu's team, you ass," he chastised Dazai, seemingly recovered from his momentary moment of weakness.
"Ah, true," Dazai beamed at Alu, grabbing her hand, and beaming at Chūya. "I feel terrible! Allow me to apologize!"
~Click.
?.
…?.
Alu and Chūya stared. Dazai handcuffed his wrist to Alu's in a blur of a mere second. They were now handcuffed together-literally. "Dazai?" Alu stammered, eyes growing big as saucers from bewilderment.
"I'll be working with her~ Chūya , so do us a favor and get lost, okay?" Dazai beamed.
Alu was very confused. She had a way of being able to predict certain movements, quirks, little things about people she observed. However, she could always count on Dazai to do something very spur of the moment and unpredictable. She couldn't remember being this close to him honestly other than the time she'd cried-which she still felt terrible embarrassment for and still wanting to be swallowed by the floor for, by the way. Alu's face turned completely red.
"D-Dazai! Undo this!" she stammered.
Dazai was still angry, but as he saw her blushing face, and her reaction to being attached to him at the wrist, some of the anger actually died down a little, to a simmer, because her reaction was honestly worth the price of admission. He pursed his lips, as he knew Alu wasn't actually someone to be easily flustered or impressed with petty tricks. But here she was, blushing. Dazai sadistically wanted to torment her more. Revenge, of course. "We're a box set," he beamed at her. "If Fyodor tries to take you now without any prior warning, he'll have to deal with me, too!" he cheerfully stated. "Besides, this makes it more interesting!"
"I need you to work with Chūya!" Alu griped. "Honestly, can't you pretend to be mature for five minutes?"
"Nope!" Dazai beamed, strutting for the front door, Alu comically in tow. Chūya made a face. But, the look Dazai gave him sent a genuine shiver down Chūya's spine. Alu didn't quite catch it, caught up in her burning flustered reaction. But Dazai's expression warned Chūya not to interfere. Chūya shivered. Dazai was probably one of the very few people that Chūya could actually contest being genuinely afraid of at times. This was one of them.
"Dazai! You piece of shit!" Alu complained as Chūya wordlessly let them both leave. Standing in the doorframe, he just watched as Alu was comically dragged off by the ominous brown haired ex-mafia executive. Chūya grit his teeth. He felt bad about not standing up for Alu but what could he do? Dazai rarely looked that animalistic but his eyes clearly stated for Chūya to leave them be.
Chūya kicked the wall outside of his apartment in anger. "Dammit," he whispered. He really freaking hated that man-child.
"Dazai! I'm serious! Why the hell are you acting like this?" Alu complained.
Dazai dragged Alu, more like, casually tugged her along now. Alu didn't want to attract attention and she'd resorted to grabbing his hand and stuffing it hilariously into her coat pocket. Now she walked awkwardly side by side with him, but still glaring. Dazai thought it was rather cute. Then he paused mentally, realizing he probably shouldn't start to compliment her like that. Then he saw how irritated she was and thought to hell with it, totally worth it.
"I just think it's a lovely day for a stroll!" Dazai brightly replied, deflecting Alu's question.
"You know we need him—wait, are you actually angry?" Alu made a noise of surprise, like a small gasp. Dazai mulled over confirming her suspicion but thought tormenting her was far funnier.
"And if I am, how do you plan to improve my mood?" He smirked at her.
Alu's face looked both comically red as a tomato and like she'd swallowed a bag full of sour lemons. "It's not my job to fix your mood, ya jerk-face!" She griped. "Maybe I would have at least apologized if you hadn't, oh, I don't know, decided to be a big fat baby and handcuff me to your not-sorry ass!"
Dazai pursed his lips together. She was such an odd one. Not quite like any person he'd ever met. Most people in the past gave him a wide berth, aware of what he was capable of. Yet he had been aggressive with her at times, and she never seemed to dwell on it. If there was one thing Dazai knew, most people were petty and held grudges. But not Alu. She kept helping Odasaku, time and time again and kept trying to include Dazai in the shenanigans going on with the ADA. She talked to him without any sort of formal or informal respect. Even Chūya held back on some level. Mostly from killing Dazai. Actually, Chūya was one to speak his mind as well, but Dazai didn't want to think about that annoying guy when he had this cute girl handcuffed to his wrist at the moment.
What intrigued Dazai even more was she never got angry with him when he had yelled at her, that time ago when he demanded she use her power to save Odasaku when he'd been shot by Ango trying to defend her. Alu never seemed to get overly frustrated with either him or that annoying four-eyes when they lashed out at her. But if all it took was a pair of handcuffs to make her riled up, he was honestly mischievously curious about what else he could do to get her to let down her walls and make such adorable reactions.
Dazai tugged Alu without any warning into an alley way. Alu made a noise of surprise as Dazai pinned her to a wall, wordlessly. Alu's brow furrowed with confusion. "Dazai? Can we please get back on track here?"
Dazai gazed at her, and noted how she wasn't actually looking him in the eye. He wondered why. She really was slender, delicate, almost fragile even though he knew she was more than capable in a fight. She really was something unique. He was so curious—
Suddenly, he felt his crotch swell up in pain as Alu's knee collided with his precious manly jewels, and he groaned, crumpling to his knees. Alu went down with him, but mostly kneeling, as Dazai was careful to use the hand not handcuffed to her to hold his poor hit 'no-no' zone. Whether it was out of consideration or to protect himself from further damage, Dazai was inclined to think the latter since he had a reputation of being a self-serving asshole to uphold. "Ugh, ow, damn…"
"Seriously, what is with you?" Alu griped. "If you have the energy to be angry with me, use that instead to reflect on what I've said!"
Dazai found it hard to reflect on anything at this time. "Who kicks their own team-mate 'where the sun don't shine'?" He wheezed.
"Who handcuffs theirs?" Alu countered.
"T-Touché," Dazai weakly wheezed.
"Aw, you two are such a cute pair of love birds, I hope I'm not interrupting~!" A woman dressed like a steam punk hipster, hair dyed pink on one side, and left natural dark oak brown on the other, gazed at Dazai and Alu, who both adjusted their body language, equally distrustful of this newcomer who seemingly materialized out of nowhere.
Alu really wished she wasn't handcuffed to Dazai. "Dazai," she whispered, as Dazai glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, also keeping his gaze on the odd woman in front of them.
"Mm?"
"The key, use it now."
"Ah, I can't," Dazai said comically.
"Whadd'ya mean, you can't?" Alu's head swiveled, an angry 'doki' apparent on her face.
"I mean, I don't feel like it," Dazai childishly affirmed.
"Oh that is it!" Dazai squeaked, in actual surprise, as Alu pinned him on the floor, sitting on his stomach. She began to pat him down, unceremoniously, with a frustrated growl but all Dazai could think —in his boy brain— was the fact she was on top of him. She felt Dazai's body up and down, looking for the damn key herself. "Where the hell is it?"
The strange woman just snapped pictures on her phone of these two, having absolutely no desire to interrupt this hilarious little scuffle going on between them.
Dazai tried to sit up and Alu finally reached into Dazai's actual pant pocket, locating the key to Dazai's chagrin. Dazai grabbed Alu's wrist and flipped their positions, so now, he had her pinned, at the legs so she couldn't kick him as easily, and he slid the key out of her grasp, honestly enjoying the look of bewildered confusion and the creeping blush of rouge in her cheeks. He leaned over her, knowing that even if she wanted to use Juubi, that she couldn't call upon him right now. It oddly gave him a rush of triumph, to know he could keep that fox contained and unable to interrupt. He snaked his fingers into her own palm, fingering the key from her grasp, as Alu just finally consented, frustrated, eyes searching his own face, irritation apparent. Dazai realized she must think he was thinking of some plan. He smirked.
She would be correct.
Even without him saying anything, even in this situation, she somehow always knew when he was up to something. But she was trusting him. He wouldn't abuse that trust. He took the key, and then he ate it. Alu's expression and the strange woman's both looked comically confused. "What are you doing? You moron!" Alu yelped, and she began to struggle and kick again. Dazai just let her kick him.
Going down unceremoniously, she began to smack him in the shoulder, like an angry kitten with its tail as fuzzed as a pipe cleaner. "Oh no!~ Not so rough! We have an audience!" Dazai fake moaned.
Alu had no idea honestly what Dazai was hoping to achieve by acting like this. She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but naturally he went and had to eat it! Alu felt a sudden tingling itchy burning in her injured right arm. Dazai had cuffed his right hand to her left one, so when they stood side by side, it would be arm to arm, literally. Alu's arm twinged in pain and she instinctively tried to clutch her sleeve, dragging Dazai's wrist with her own, despite the strain it put on her wrist.
Alu grimaced in pain, and Dazai paused his teasing, as it dawned on him that Alu was hurt. His expression shifted to genuine surprise, and he grabbed Alu's injured arm, as she made a noise of resistance, wordlessly carefully sliding up her shirt sleeve a bit to see a dark red stain starting to blossom on her white bandaged arm. Dazai's expression was immediately more serious. "You're hurt?" It didn't make sense. This was something that her fox ability had the capacity to heal. This wound was clearly relatively recent too. Dazai rarely cared to show concern for others, but in this moment, he had a realization, unspoken but implied crash over him.
Alu didn't have any power.
And he had just waltzed her into a dangerous situation—like an effing idiot.
