A/N. Hey guys, here's some more angsty goodness for you all. Hopefully it's up to your standards. And, well, don't hate me too much after this chap. I should have my next update done on Wednesday night, after my dreaded English midterm paper is due. So, enjoy!

Chapter Ten

Ashley sat on the beach, burying her feet in the cool sand. She thought back to the time her and Spencer shared underneath the pier, when Spencer first admitted she was questioning her sexuality. Ashley had never felt more…more trusted than that moment. The moment when Spencer opened herself up to Ashley, opened up her heart. Ashley felt her chest ache as she reminisced about the blonde. She quickly twisted off the cap and took another swig of her rum. The burning sensation had begun to dull with each drink. Numb. That's what Ashley wanted to feel right now. This is why she never opened herself up to others. This is why she kept her distance. This is why she never fell in love. To avoid this pain, this heartbreaking, gut wrenching pain that enveloped her. Ashley felt a sob work it's way into her throat and she struggled to suppress it.

She was alone, body and soul. She'd never said the words, but she knew Spencer could feel her love. "I fucked everything up," Ashley said, "I fucked everything up…"

She picked up her cell phone and glanced at the screen. She gently ran her fingers over the image that she had set as her background: Spencer. A smile formed it's way onto her lips as she remembered the moment that photo was taken. The girls were sitting in the quad having lunch. Madison and the cheer-bitches had just made a comment about Ashley and Spencer's closeness, which was basically her favorite pastime. Ashley made a joke to lighten the mood, but Spencer shook her head. "It doesn't matter what she thinks, Ash," she'd said, "I like being around you. You make me laugh, you make me smile. Let them think what they want, it doesn't matter to me." That was the first time that Spencer had made Ashley feel loved, truly loved. To commemorate the moment, Ashley had used her phone to take a picture of Spencer. The sun shone in her hair, making it sparkle. Spencer's smile lit up the shot. It was Ashley's favorite picture.

"God I love that picture," she said to herself. Ashley could feel her chest tightening again, and once again longed for Spencer's comforting embrace. The twinge of pain she felt grew, and Ashley drank more, hoping that soon she would be completely numb to the pain. Soon she would forget the pain. Soon she would forget Spencer. Soon.

Spencer stared at the wall, listening to the soft lyrics that filled the room. The lights were dimmed as the blonde lie on her bed. The winter here's cold, and bitter. It's chilled us to the bone. I haven't seen the sun for weeks. To long too far from home. It feels just like I'm sinking and I claw for solid ground. And pulled down by the undertow. I never thought I could feel so low. And oh darkness I feel like letting go. Spencer buried her face in Ashley's hoodie, one she'd left there one night after a trip to the beach. The beach, their place. Spencer felt a tear slowly drip down her face as she breathed in Ashley's scent. It was calming, peaceful, just like Ashley. Spencer missed the brunette, more than anything. Ashley was her heart, her soul, her love, her world. Everything that mattered in the world Spencer found in Ashley. Ashley was her world. Her daze was interrupted when her phone rang. Spencer knew who it was, she didn't need to look. She let it go to voicemail. She couldn't face her. She was ashamed.

Ashley bit her lip when she heard Spencer's voicemail. She glanced at the nearly empty bottle of alcohol that lie at her feet. Spencer hated when Ashley drank like that. Ashley stood up and started heading towards the road, towards Spencer's house. When she heard the beep, she started talking. "Spencer, babe, please talk to me. I can't stand this. I need you. I'm so sorry that I caused problems with your family. I can…I can just be your friend, but please, just talk to me. I came to our spot tonight, at the beach. I always come here to think about you. It's special, just like you." Ashley felt the sobs rip through her throat, and she finally allowed the tears to fall. "Please Spence, I need you. You are the one thing in my life that makes sense. I never…I never knew what this felt like before. I never knew. I should have told you before. I should have told you that I…" Dead. The phone went dead. Ashley stood a second, staring at her phone in disbelief. "Why?" she asked, "Why can't I just be happy." She took a step onto the road, stumbling forward slightly as her foot landed awkwardly on the curb. "Damn curb," she mumbled. She never saw it coming. She heard the brakes. She saw the flash of the headlights. She felt the pain. Darkness.