Every time I think I've got it a little bit sorted, life seems to bowl me a googly. You have to judge people, don't you, it's part of knowing how people will fit into your life, but you can get it just so very wrong. A perfect example is how, when I felt really threatened, who should come to my rescue but Danny Steele? At first I was wary, and I expected him to behave like the total tosser I thought he was, but he was actually really nice afterwards, sticking close for the rest of the party, making sure I was ok, giving my requests to the DJ and even getting them played because, well, it was his party and he was paying the bills. We even had a couple of dances and he was alright. Not brilliant but not embarrassing either.

Caroline and Tommy eventually turned up again but Tommy was rather the worse for wear so Caroline and I did a bit of dancing together and ended up having a real laugh. When I get my first pay packet, a really good stereo is definitely high on the priorities because I was a bit sad when, at 2am, the DJ called it a night. I realised then that most of the other guests had drifted away and there was just a hardcore group still remaining. We then said our goodbyes and I gave Danny a quick peck on the cheek because it just seemed like the right thing to do in the circumstances. He responded with a benevolent smile, as if he was always dealing with grateful girls kissing him; punching my arm playfully and telling me, with a wink, that he'd call me.

To be honest, I didn't think much more of it because I was actually a bit preoccupied at that moment; I was really uncomfortable about getting in the car with Tommy, the state he was in. Luckily, I convinced Caroline to let me drive back to Port Wenn. He tried to argue but she just told him to shut it and he crawled into the back seat and lay down. I graunched the gears all the way home so that Caroline and I were in fits of laughter but, in my defence, I couldn't move the seat forward and I could barely reach the pedals so it wasn't really my fault. Every time I changed gears, I would hear a groan from the back seat which made me even more nervous. Happily, I made it home safely and Caroline slid into the drivers seat to take them both back to her place. I was still amazed at how her parents turned a blind eye to Tommy staying overnight in her room. Maybe they were really liberal and understanding or maybe they'd just admitted defeat, I'm not sure.

On Sunday morning I slept in again which was just marvellous but, when I got up and looked in the mirror, my hair was like a birds nest and it took a bit of getting back under control. Just before lunch, the phone rang and it was Danny at the other end of the line. I was surprised but not in an unpleasant way. After making a few calls, we all arranged to spend the afternoon at the beach, meeting Caroline and Tommy there. Danny picked me up in his little hatchback and the back seat was covered in boxes of leftover party food and cans of beer. I noticed that the surfboard was no longer on the roof rack, and he was no longer wearing all the Hang Ten jewellery. The beach was deserted and he parked on the grass, we turned the stereo up, and lay on our towels soaking up the sun. When the others arrived we cleaned up the leftovers and I even had a beer so I didn't seem like too much of a spoilsport. Caroline and Danny kept us all entertained with stories, mostly at other people's expense but, after everything that had happened over the last couple of years, it felt totally amazing not to have any pressure and just be enjoying life, the sun and the beach. As far as I recall, that afternoon was actually the first time in my life that I consciously felt carefree.

After a while, Danny asked me if I wanted to go for a walk and we wandered off, leaving the other two asleep in the sun. We just chatted about school and university and stuff like that. He told me that he was determined to get into Bartlett at UCL and follow his dream of being an architect. I couldn't help myself and I blurted out that UCL was my first choice as well and, surprisingly, he seemed pleased to hear that. He had already been looking into accomodation and his mum had found several options, should he be accepted. It struck me that knowing Danny in London might be quite useful as he did seem quite resourceful. Caroline had applied for broadcasting at Portsmouth Poly so I would most probably be heading to college not knowing a single soul in my new home, and that often felt a bit daunting to be honest.

We walked a bit further and he told me a couple of stories about the hassles people can have trying to sort out things at college, and warned me about some pitfalls I hadn't even thought of. The more we talked, the more I wondered if I had misjudged him. When he took my hand I didn't resist, even though it was hard to keep my arm in its socket because he did tend to bounce along and talk very animatedly about everything, often swinging his arms wildly. When we turned to go back to the car, he walked a bit closer and then, really sweetly actually, asked me if we could see a bit more of each other over the next few weeks and, without thinking, I just said yes. I probably was a bit softened up by walking hand in hand on the beach but I thought that perhaps I'd been a bit unfair on him and he was probably, deep down, just as nervous and awkward as I was. Maybe the cockiness was just his way of covering up that he was shy too? Anyway, if it was just for the holidays, what harm could it do? Besides, it had to be better than another summer being desperate and dateless.

Later that afternoon, when he dropped me home, without hesitation he pulled me in for a kiss and I have to admit was an improvement on the first time. Maybe he'd had a bit more practice or maybe I just liked him a bit more now because this time at least I didn't feel like gagging. Actually I was ok until I felt his hand fumbling under my T-shirt, and then I pulled away and gave him a bright smile as I escaped quickly from my seatbelt. To be honest, I needed some time to get used to the idea that he was my boyfriend and, knowing him as I thought I did, if I gave Danny Steele an inch then he'd take a mile. Later on, it crossed my mind that he'd probably been practicing on Isobel but that idea was just too disturbing to contemplate so I quickly squashed those thoughts, rationalising that we were all just trying to grow up and do our best.

Monday morning, I started full time at the bakery so my brief, post-exam respite was over. At the end of my first fortnight, when Mike handed over my wages, it was so totally worth it though. Karen and I had drawn up a list of the things I'd need for college, and something she called a Projected Expenses Spreadsheet, and from this we'd made a budget. I had an appointment with Mrs. Norton and Mrs. Steele coming up because they had been fundraising for me extensively over the past four years and we needed to discuss the details. I'd filled out all the forms for grants and bursaries that Karen had searched out for me and I was pretty confident that I could get the funds together to get to London.

Lester, Karen and I drove up to Mrs Norton's on Friday night and she had cooked us roast chicken which was delicious. It was quite funny to see Lester accept an offer of seconds and hastily change his mind after Karen glared at him rather pointedly. She had rather an impressive knack of getting him to do what she wanted without often even having to say anything to him and, coming as I did from a family where screaming insults and mean-spirited criticism was considered effective communication, I was always an interested observer of her skills.

After dinner, they did the dishes, and Mrs Norton and I ducked into the living room because she whispered that she wanted to discuss something with me privately. I was a bit alarmed but it turned out, because she was the only other person I'd told about the account Martin had set up for me at the pharmacy, she just wanted to make sure that everything there was sorted out before I left the village. Of course I couldn't help myself and asked how Martin was, and she gave me the sympathetic and slightly knowing smile that she always gave when I mentioned his name. I asked her to let him know that I'd got my A levels and that's when she suggested I let him know myself; if I wrote him a letter she would post it to him on my behalf.

To be honest, I wasn't sure what to say. It had been a long time since I'd seen him but I also know how good it is to feel appreciated when you do something kind. It makes you more likely to keep being kind and that's better for everyone I think. I also realise that I have been the recipient of more than my fair share of kindness and I don't want anyone to think I'm taking it for granted. Besides, the pharmacy thing had always sat a bit uncomfortably with me. I mean charity from people who know you is hard enough to take but at least you might get a chance to reciprocate. I understand that it was just because Martin was a doctor and he was, rightly, worried about the risk to my health but it was still a generous thing for someone to do who didn't know me and who I doubt I will ever cross paths with again. It will make me feel better if I pay him back and I want to reassure him that I will.

When Danny and I finally received our unconditional University offers, it seemed like kismet really. We'd both had our applications accepted by UCL and he was going to study at Bartlett, just as he'd hoped. My path, as suggested out by my careers advisor, and nutted out by Karen and I over endless cups of tea and generous quantities of chocolate digestives, had also fallen perfectly into place and I now focused solely on squirrelling together every penny I could. During the long summer evenings I took on the role of the village's on-call babysitter, and even occasionally filled in at the Crab, clearing and wiping down tables, washing dishes and, much to my horror, cleaning the toilets. After I had finished at the bakery for the day, I would clean windows, weed gardens and paint fences; indeed any odd job that would add to my coffers. It did mean that I didn't get to see Danny as much and, at first, he was a little put out because he would have a generous allowance from his parents and didn't seem to understand that I needed to support myself. Still, we would get together often enough that we still felt like a couple, and we spent a lot of time sitting in his little car, at night, parked in some isolated lane or on a deserted beach, listening to music and, dare I say it, snogging like only teenagers can.

I knew, from the start that he wanted to take it further; and the more comfortable I became in his company, the harder it was to resist. But I also knew I wasn't quite ready and, one night when he had really pushed me outside of my realm of comfort, I had to speak to him quite severely in order to get him to stop. He sulked all the way back to the village and didn't say much when I got out of his car but, of course, when he finally bounced into the bakery a few days later, he acted like nothing had happened. I calmly tried to make him understand that I had quite firm views and wasn't going to let him bully and cajole me into doing something I wasn't ready for but, even though he reassured me vociferously of how much he respected my decision, he still brooded and stared at me sullenly whenever I told him that he'd gone far enough and, if I'm honest, I started to become a little bit anxious about the whole thing.

I didn't specifically mention it to him but I knew inside me that I didn't want my first time to be an awkward uncomfortable encounter in the back seat of a tiny hatchback. And so, despite his frustrated pleas, his ardent protestations and the guilt trips he regularly attempted to take me on, I held firm. I knew, however, that Danny Steele was used to getting what he wanted and, from the reproachful little comments he often slid in to even the most general of conversations, I understood that he wouldn't be prepared to wait much longer for me to finally grow up.