Warning: This story could include slash, masturbation, sex, sex talk, and crude humor. Don't read if you don't like. And if you have a problem with it please PLEASE talk to me about it and I will edit the story or take it down. Do not report me to fan fiction. This story is all in good fun and I don't wish to offend anyone. HIGH SEXUAL CONTENT, DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT LIKE... however, read if your conscience and inhibitions permit! Enjoy!

"Errr, no, Malfoy!" Harry stuttered as strongly as he could manage.

"Hmm, well I'd like a word in private, if you don't mind."

"Actually, I do mind… I'm eating, so you can just FUCK OFF, MALFOY!" Harry yelled.

"Just leave, Malfoy, is it not enough to see us in classes, but you have to torment us at the breakfast table, too?" Hermione asked in an attempt to keep peace. But both boys glared at her for the attempt.

"You act as if I'm enjoying myself being here," Malfoy spat, sneering. "You forget your place; a pureblood like me could never enjoy being in the company of blood traitors such as yourselves, you filthy little mudblood!"

"I said, fuck off, Malfoy!" Harry yelled, rising out of his seat pointing his wand at the blond.

"Perhaps you should… Merlin knows you need a good shag, with the She-Weasel as your girlfriend and all!" Malfoy taunted, looking at Harry's enlarged nether regions.

Harry sneered and lunged over the table at Malfoy, knocking down several dishes and cups in the process. Harry grabbed him by the shirt collar and stabbed his wand into the blonde's neck.

"Do it, Potter. I dare you."

"Harry James Potter, put your wand down RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" Hermione scolded. In a slightly less menacing voice she said, "He isn't worth it."

Malfoy smirked at the confused look on Harry's face, while he began to back off slightly. "Knew you couldn't do it."

"I could too… I just fear for your safety when I'm done with you… don't know if you're worth killing," he retorted. Although he came across strong, he wondered if he could—curse Malfoy that is. There's no doubt he could do silly little curses, but one that actually hurt him? He had his doubts, but also his anger… a force that was oftentimes stronger than his conscience.

"Mr.'s Malfoy and Potter, are you quite through? Unless you would like to serve detention this evening, I suggest the two of you sit down to breakfast, right now," Professor McGonagall threatened.

"Yes, Professor," Harry mumbled looking down.

"And the two of you are very lucky I don't take points off for this! There is no need to be fighting…" Pausing, she said, "Shake hands and apologize."

"What? I'm not fucking apologizing to Potter!"

"Well then, I will see the two of you for detention tonight. Eight o'clock. I do believe there are several trophy rooms that need cleaning; therefore at least one of them will be available for you…"

"Actually, Professor, I would like to apologize," Harry said bravely, sticking out his hand to the blonde. "I'm sorry that you're such a fucking prick that constantly follows myself and my friends around and terrorizes us. I'm sorry that you have nothing better to do with your fucking worthless time!"

"You think I fucking follow you? Hell no—you aren't worth that to me. Don't bloody insult me, Potter!"

"Unless you would like to spend all of your free time with me, I suggest your watch your language and make a real apology."

"Fine," Harry spat. "Sorry." He stuck out his hand, and Malfoy gingerly took it and pulled Harry closer so that Draco could easily whisper into his ear.

"Know your way around the castle well?" Harry nodded once in reply. "Good. Meet me three doors to the left of the Ravenclaw Common Room tomorrow. Ten O'clock. Come alone You so could not have done it."

Ravenclaw Common Room? Why the hell does he want to meet there?

Harry glared at him, and swiftly snapped back his hand. Professor McGonagall nodded happily; thankful that she wasn't required to spend the evening babysitting for two of the most powerful rivals in the school. "See you two in class," she said cheerfully.

Draco looked him up and down one more time saying, "You really should find yourself a good shag or something…" he said disgustedly. "No one bloody wants to see... that!"

Hermione sighed, Professor McGonagall thought she had solved everything; but it had only just begun. "Excuse me, Malfoy, but Harry and I were just leaving, weren't we?"

"Errr… okay," he replied, sending a nasty glare to Malfoy. Everyone bloody saw that he was aroused… very aroused—even Malfoy (who got a nice, close up look). And Hermione! His friend, Hermione! She wasn't supposed to see stuff like that! Now Malfoy has another thing to torment him about! And on top of that, Malfoy knew he was dating Ginny? How the fuck does he know that? Ron was so not supposed to find out yet… or ever really, that would be nice. But really, if Malfoy knew, everyone knew, and if everyone knew, Ron knew. This is just turning out to be a bloody fucking perfect day.

"Errr… 'Mione, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't, uhhh, tell Ron about this…" Harry trailed off, extremely embarrassed.

"About the fight?" she asked, puzzled.

"Nooo… about, well…" Harry said, glancing down.

"Oh… of course," Hermione said, reddening a bit. "You know, Harry," she continued cautiously, "you do have Ginny…"

"I bloody well know I have Ginny, it's because of her that I bloody have… I'm not just some fucking psycho idiot that gets raging boners while eating breakfast with their friends and yelling at their enemies!" he exclaimed, his eyes alight with fury.

"Oh… well, sorry!" she huffed. "Just trying to help!"

"How the hell did Malfoy know, though?" Harry mused. "We didn't tell anyone… besides you, of course." Harry turned, glaring at Hermione. She wouldn't have told… would she?

"Perhaps he just saw the two of you kissing at breakfast and guessed. Or maybe he threatened it out of another Griffindor; a lot of them think you're dating anyway. Or maybe he just guessed," she said sensibly. "You probably don't have anything to worry about, but I do suggest that you tell Ron soon. He'll be upset the way it is, I don't think he needs to hear it from someone else."

"Tell me what?" Ron asked as they rounded the corner. "What will I be mad about?" Apparently Ron heard that there was some kind of fight going on in the Great Hall. Involved bloody Malfoy, and naturally Ron came running. Any chance to humiliate his enemy was a blessing in disguise.

"Errr," Harry said, pulling Hermione in front of him so Ron wouldn't see he was aroused.

"Harry… what the?" Hermione asked, freezing in mid sentence as she brushed against Harry's enlarged midsection, her cheeks reddening at the touch.

"What? 'Mione… you're acting weird…" Ron blubbered. It is so unlike Hermione to stutter.

"Err… no I'm not," she said, her face steadily reddening. "I—just..."

"She's still mad from breakfast," Harry offered. "Fucking Malfoy called her a… a mudblood again! The bastard! Tomorrow I'm going to curse him to hell and back!"

"Tomorrow?" Ron yelled. "Fuck no! Let's go right now!" He whipped out his wand and was contemplating the best hex to use on him when Hermione interrupted his thoughts.

"NO. Harry's in enough trouble with McGonagall already from breakfast."

"Err… actually I didn't get detention."

"That's not the point, Harry. She said next time that she'd take off points. Do you want to beat Slytherin in points or not?"

"Honestly, all you think about are the rules! Let's go get him, Harry! We'll kick his sorry ass!" Ron ranted.

"Actually I have a better idea. We wait. Tomorrow night I'm meeting him—"

"What do you mean meeting him? Is that what he said to you when you shook his hand? No way are you meeting him; you'll just get in trouble! He's probably setting you up, Harry!"

"SHOOK HIS HAND? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?"

"Oh… McGonagall made us shake hands… And, yes, Hermione, I am going. He deserves to die for what he said!" Harry declared in a dangerous tone; one Hermione and Ron knew all too well. However, while Hermione usually associated it with lots of trouble, and time taken away from her studies, Ron associated it with very important plans… plants involving Malfoy… teaching him a lesson. Ron was ready.

"Good, Harry, what're we gonna do?"

"You aren't going to do anything… 'Mione, you either. I'm going alone, this is something I have to settle by myself."

"By yourself? But mate, we hate him just as much as you do!"

"HARRY! HERMIONE? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" an irate Ginny screamed. She had caught Hermione standing in very close front of Harry… very close indeed, and Harry was arguing with Ron over Hermione's shoulder, his arm around her waist and waving wildly around. It was obvious what this could be mistaken for, and that is exactly how Ginny saw it.

"Yeah… you are standing all weird, mates, why are you right behind Hermione? And why is your face all red, 'Mione?"

"I—I'm just angry, Ronald. Now go upstairs and get your books or we'll be late to class!" Hermione threatened in her mother-like voice, that reminded Ron of his mother a bit too much. Ron quickly nodded and scurried up the stairs towards the Griffindor Common Room.

Ginny stood, hands on her hips, lips pursed, waiting for an explanation. "Harry?"

"Gin! After what you did to me at breakfast... well, Ron was coming and I didn't want him to see; Hermione already knew," Harry paused to laugh.

"Harry, I hardly think this is a laughing matter. Ginny, I'm sorry for what this must look like, but we didn't want Ron to find out this way, we were just… covering it up a bit. And anyways, what did you do to Harry at breakfast?" Hermione asked.

Harry blushed… "'Mione!"

Ginny smiled, "Oh, Hermione… just touched him a bit." Grinning mischievously she added, "Why don't we go take care of that before more people notice?"

Harry nodded, but added, "I really doubt there was one person in the Great Hall that didn't see."

"I didn't know I would have such an effect on you, Harry James," she purred.

"Well, my darling, why don't we just see if I have the same effect on you…?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and waved to Hermione. Clasping Ginny around the waist he ground his hips into her side. She gasped quickly, and pulled Harry towards the nearest room to relieve his… not so little problem.

Hello, my darlings! I hope you enjoyed this wonderfully fluffy chapter! So what do you think? Ron needs to find out, don't you think? Should he walk in on them sometime? Or hear by a rumor? Or by Malfoy? Or should they be nice, honest little characters and actually tell him the truth? I'm leaning towards one of these, but I want to hear you guys want… And pretty, pretty please leave me a review… I'm sure the wonderfully sexy Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy would want a review on their wonderfully sexy hotness as well… ahem, ahem, hint, hint!