DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.


Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Naruto speaking to Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking


"Nee-chan!" Konohamaru hadn't seen Naruto in a while and now he recognized the reason for that. "You sure have gotten fat."

Naruto sweatdropped. What a little brat. In another lifetime, she had once said something exactly like that to his aunt as a joke, though, hadn't she? "Very funny, Konohamaru. Hello, Moegi, Udon; thank you for being more polite than your future teammate." Moegi smiled although she whacked Konohamaru again. Udon bobbed his head at her but was holding his chin as he carefully observed Naru enough to make her a little uncomfortable.

"You really think I'll be stuck with these two?" Moegi asked her senpai and client mournfully.

"Probably," Naruto guessed. They were teamed together in her last life but that didn't mean much now. "Even though you might think it'll be troublesome, it's really important to have complete trust in your teammates."

"I can trust them to be bakas!"

Naruto only nodded, believing that, and waited for Kono to stop acting like the fool he wasn't. She sighed, thinking of her own teammates and wondering what Sasuke was up to. Sai was around all the time, either guarding her, walking around with her henged self when she wasn't with Kakashi or her father, and sometimes Tenzo came for their weekly team dinners - but never Sasuke. Supposedly he was on a mission but Naruto was worried about him.

Itachi seemed worried, too, and that couldn't be good.

"So we're supposed to harvest your garden or something?" Moegi finally asked. Naruto grinned and pulled out a list that she'd duplicated for each of them, listing what herbs and vegetables she wanted to begin either checking or pulling, along with a list of flowers that needed to be deadheaded, etc.

When Naruto planted her rather vast garden(s,) she had never considered how hard it would be to move at a time like this.

Udon finally decided to voice his opinion. "I haven't seen you in quite some time, however when I consider exactly how long it's been, I wonder if you're pregnant with twins."

Naru bobbed her head. "You're so smart!" All three young teenagers ooh-ed and ahh-ed, asking questions on top of each other. She smiled more and waved her hands. Twins weren't that unheard of but like her, many people had never met a twin or someone to soon have one "One: no, we don't know the sexes yet although I'm trying to talk Kakashi into finding out. Two: I'm 31 weeks along but jinchuuriki pregnancies last 10 months - ALTHOUGH twin pregnancies are known not to go to full-term. I'm REALLY hoping I don't have to go 10 whole months although I want them to come out fully baked, ya know." Realizing what she'd admitted and the way she'd done it, Naruto coughed and rubbed the back of her head.

"Congratulations!"
"Congratulations, Nee-chan!"
"It's SO exciting!"

"Yeah," Naruto grinned shyly. "It is pretty exciting." She raised an eyebrow at Kurama who'd walked out on the porch, took one look at the teens, and walked back inside.

"Naruto-chan," Udon said in a haunted voice. "Was that the Nine-Tailed Fox in um, super small form?"

"Yes," Naruto groaned and then awkwardly tried to sit down. The kids were good enough (even though they were clearly freaking out about the fox: shuddering, and sweating) to help her sit on the porch. "Which is why I asked for you three to complete this mission. –I can trust each of you to keep ALL of this a secret, ne? An S-class secret!" All three kids raised their eyebrows and looked at each other, wide-eyed.

Konohamaru's surprise turned to outrage. "Then why are we getting paid for a D-rank?!"

Naruto leaned on one of the columns supporting the porch. Because my husband can often still be cheap! "Well, you're Academy students. This is a great honor for you really," she lied. She totally didn't smirk when they all perked up again.

"We'll get right to it, nee-chan!"

The rest of the afternoon was spent answering questions or entertaining the kids while they, sadly, did most of her gardening. Later that evening, Naru sent them each home with their pay plus some of what they'd harvested to take home to their families.


.


Naruto was taking notes for her father when someone that hadn't been in touch since she last saw him decided to make his presence known in her shared mindscape. "Naruto."

"Roshi! It's good to see you!"

"And you," Roshi said, curious as to why a genjutsu seemed to be up around the fox's jinchuuriki. He didn't know such a thing was even possible here. "Tsuchikage-sama plans to ask for Kokuo to be returned to Iwa."

Naruto wasn't surprised. Kiri was still pissed about not getting Isobu back but they didn't have the strength to attempt to make a go at Konoha. Naruto also wasn't sure that she'd convinced Utakata that she didn't know where Isobu was BUT Utakata did believe that Kiri would never find him: that Isobu wasn't in Konoha. "Konoha doesn't have Kokuo."

Why would you even think we had them?

Kokuo was, for Gods only knew what reason, preferring to spend time with the foxes and Kurama today. How enjoying such a thing was possible was beyond Naruto. The toad's homeworld was much more welcoming than the fox's forest.

Roshi didn't believe her. He also didn't want another child to be sacrificed as a jinchuuriki, however. "Can I speak to her?"

"They're not here," Naruto said flatly. Kokuo, she'd learned, preferred the "they" pronoun but wasn't offended by being called something else.

Roshi raised an eyebrow at her, a little put out that the Namikaze woman was the only one who could summon or message them all at will. Or maybe it's Kurama, but that fox - even Son Goku agreed - was a tricky asshole. "Be careful, Naruto."

He disappeared and Naruto pursed her lips, feeling a little shaken. She looked up at her father and sighed. "I missed some of what you said. Roshi just popped up: did you get his message?" Her father still had his half of Kurama so he might have.

"No," Minato sighed, ignoring how his half of the fox was complaining about Naruto's unique ability. "You look worried."

"Roshi told me to be careful," she sighed, adjusting to try to get comfortable - something that she should've known was impossible. Moving a pillow from behind her back, she put it under her ridiculously round stomach and tried to smile at her father who'd flashed behind her to tuck another in the chair. She almost cried with relief.

"You're having a hard time," Minato said worriedly.

"It's fine," Naruto assured him. "It'll be worth it!"

"Your mother said the same thing."

Naruto stared at him for a few seconds. Well, that's not ominous or anything. "Back to Roshi, he says Tsuchikage-sama wants Kokuo back but I told him that I don't know where they are."

"Meaning, well: a lot of things," Minato said, not revealing more of his thoughts. "I'm assigning you more guards. You're the only one who knows where all the bijuu are at any given time."

"No! C'mon," Naruto whined. "I'm fine! Sai's good!" Sai was getting unfairly good, in fact. Kakashi had been teaching him more ninjutsu in their downtime and Sai was scarily good at freaking EVERYTHING. So unfair.

"I've been in your shared mindscape, Naruto. If Roshi or any of the other jinchuurikis saw you…" I want to live so I will not say "big, round, pregnant belly," Minato reminded himself. Nor would he liken her belly to a light bulb again although that's what it looked like to him and Kakashi. "...your appearance, they'll know you can't fight effectively right now." His daughter pouted furiously at him, making him hide a grin despite himself.

Naruto then swallowed hard, wondering about that.

"I've got you, mate. They didn't see anything."

Naruto's eyes slowly closed in silent frustration. That imaginary wolf in her mindscape was still sleeping but this wasn't the first time that she'd heard it say something. I am definitely losing my mind. She cleared her throat, trying to act like she hadn't just freaked out. "Baa-chan's teaching me to use her monstrous strength and I can still use chakra. –It's not like I'm someone to mess with, 'ttebayo."

"I know that - and you should be careful how you characterize Tsunde's abilities, Naruto! But you know: if you get much bigger, your arms won't be able to get around your middle to punch anyone, really."

Realizing that he'd let his guard down, Minato flashed away when he saw blonde hair split in nine directions and both his lives flash before his eyes.

Before Sai was able to knock her out, Naruto managed to get to the window and scream. "Come back here and meet your fate, you Hokage-fuc!"

Sai caught his extra-heavy, short teammate and sighed, telling himself that he'd never, ever have children.


.


Kakashi might have been more excited about Tenzo getting married than Tenzo was. He was DEFINITELY more excited about the bachelor party than Tenzo. "Maa, I promise to remain true to you tonight, Naruto!" Naruto hissed at him like a big cat, making him snicker. She was so surly right now.

"Meanie," was the only word he could make out of her grumbling in response. He helped her out of his favorite recliner, knowing that otherwise she could be stuck in the thing until he came home. He turned to her guards: they were new to ANBU but had managed to impress him. Naruto had also asked for them, specifically tonight. "I may be out all night or wind up bringing Tenzo back here."

Tenten and Hinata nodded from behind their ANBU masks. "We'll keep her occupied, Commander." Tenten grimaced when she saw the zany look in Naruto's eyes: that was never good.

Hinata was incredibly pleased to be here although it was difficult seeing her commander dote on the woman she'd crushed on for such a long time. "It will be our pleasure."

Hinata had brought games for them to play tonight but she saw that Naruto had other plans in mind. She'd be happy to go along with whatever she had planned.

Which was good, because Naruto was going with or without them.

After getting her ass and breasts grabbed along with lots of kisses and tickling behind a genjutsu that Kakashi put up, Naruto turned back to her old friends after he left. They'd been getting to know each other again when all of them were at HQ so Naruto hoped that they'd be comfortable with her. "Who wants to see what the guys are up to?!" Naruto bounced on her toes when Hinata raised her hand. Tenten had only slumped. "Ah, c'mon! And take off your masks, please. For Kami's sake, we're in my home!"

Tenten attached her Badger mask to her hip before sighing and giving Naruto a scolding look. As usual, the blonde ignored it completely. "What did you have in mind, Naruto?"

"I've never seen a bachelor party! I want to check it out."

Hinata hadn't either but Tenten had. "My uncle, twice-removed, was supposed to get married but he got a little too involved with a stripper his buddy had hired, and well… Let's just say the bride was eager to cancel the wedding - on the day of the wedding!" Naruto and Hinata grimaced but Tenten only nodded sagely.

They decided to go a little later but Naruto was worried. "I don't want Tenzo to get himself into trouble. From what I've seen, he doesn't drink much." And Kakashi wouldn't do anything, would he?

She was so unattractively huge right now. Although her perv husband seemed to somehow get off to it, it would make more sense if all of that was an act on his part.

"Naruto?"

Naruto looked up and tried to breathe. "I'm being stupid, but um… let's go anyway."

Tenten tried to put off what she hoped wasn't The Inevitable. Hinata was impossible as Tenten figured that she would go along with almost anything the crazy blonde wanted. "Okay. But um… I was hoping we could eat first?" Hinata nodded eagerly and Naruto studied them.

The blonde rubbed her head, feeling guilty for not immediately offering them anything but tea. She knew quite well that fresh ANBUs, especially, had little time to eat. "To be quick, I can warm up some leftovers if you're really hungry. Or I'd be happy to make you something: anything! Just name it!"

"Leftovers would be great," Tenten assured her friend.

Naruto might see Hatake Kakashi as her husband first and foremost but he was also their boss. Tenten did not want to piss him off! Leftovers were an easy way to put off his wife's misadventures.


Later, the three kunoichis were not the only ones checking out the bachelor party.

The guys were at a ridiculously seedy bar. Seriously: where did Kakashi find this place, Naru wondered. Nearly a dozen kunoichis watched their partners and/or comrades dance alone and get louder and louder from their telescopes or binoculars from high atop a nearby hill. Naruto brought lawn chairs.

Genma was trying to get Tenzo to dance while Tenzo was trying to sloppily fight off not only him but everyone else that was attempting to redress him with leis, party hats, sunglasses, and an obligatory lampshade with a crown on top to top it all off. He already looked silly but somehow really good in a very bright silver, shiny shirt and jeans. He also looks highly uncomfortable.

Tenzo kept pulling on the shirt and whenever it caught his eye he grimaced.

Kakashi was just sitting there, drinking, reading, and looking quite pleased with himself, considering his posture and what little she could see of his face. Naruto figured that he was wearing earplugs because that bar was LOUD.

As she'd been concerned about, there were several pretty women flitting around but they seemed to be waitresses or hostesses. They were flirty but Naruto was infinitely pleased that they seemed to have given up her husband as a lost cause. Since Tenzo was sitting with him, his table was well-attended but there were plenty of other guys for the women to flirt with. "Thank goodness."

Kakashi turned and looked straight at her. Naruto would swear he was smirking.

Tenten panicked. "Did Commander-sama just look up at us?"

"Yes," Naruto groaned. She was trying to be sneaky here.

"OH, now the party's about to start," a Hyuuga she'd never met before interrupted from a nearby tree.

"Yyyyy-YOSH!"

The man in green sunshinned in before dropping and doing pushups while screaming about the Power of Youth. He jumped up, spun around in a circle, and then threw himself on Tenzo. They tumbled to the ground before Gai picked him up and cried while nearly suffocating the man. Kakashi eventually pulled him off and then Minato flashed in.

Naruto hadn't considered him being invited but considering Kakashi was throwing the party, she supposed she should have. Tenzo was also a Senju now, whether he liked it or not (Tsunade was pushy,) so family was invited to the party. He was the HOKAGE, though - but not wearing his uniform for once.

Wearing civilian clothes tonight, Namikaze Minato looked so different! Her father was wearing jeans, dark-colored hiking boots, and a black button-up shirt. Naruto snickered to herself as the waitresses fell all over themselves to get to him. "Must be something about a man with power, ne?"

"That, and your father - like you - is unbelievably pretty, almost in an otherworldly way, Naruto-chan."

Tenten began coughing at not only what Hinata said but the fact that she'd just said it! Out loud!

"Thanks, Hinata! I mean, um, I think my father would thank you for that nice compliment, too." Although it was over the top, really.

Plus I'm so gigantic.

"Let's keep my comments regarding Hokage-sama our little secret, hm?" Hinata asked coyly. She winked at her friend, basking in the warmth of Naruto's smile.

Naruto really liked this new Hinata! She wasn't sure what in the world had happened at the Hyuuga compound but Hinata recently told her that Neji was the new heir to the clan, "freeing" Hinata and Hanabi, as Hinata put it - along with all of the other Hyuugas, Naru supposed - to reach for their own goals and live their best lives.

It was like a dream come true! "Do you guys want to play some cards or something while we wait to see if anything interesting happens down there?" Other than watching the guys at the bar drink and dance or attempt something like dancing, nothing was going on. There were just a bunch of shinobis getting drunker and drunker, louder and louder, while sloppily tossing weapons at each other every now and then.

At being urged incredibly loudly, Tenzo eventually began opening presents.

Tsunade snorted from behind Naruto. "He looks like he's going to have a stroke."

"Hey! You're supposed to be filling in for the Hokage," Naruto scolded her grandmother. Tsunade only shrugged and pulled out a bottle of sake. Just like old times…

"ANBU and the Jonin Commander know I'm here if anything comes up," she said easily. "Oh! That might be a good gift!"

After looking back through her scope, Naruto wanted to gouge out her eyes and memory. Surely Kakashi didn't buy Tenzo a penis pump.

ALL of Tenzo's gifts wound up being pervy, even more than they'd been at Shizune's bridal shower. There were also a lot of drugs - and considering the crowd, they couldn't be real. Naruto couldn't figure out what was going on until an enormous mock-up of a prescription bottle made out sloppily to "Senju Tenzo" that read "BONER PILLS" was revealed to the cheering men. There were also a vast array of fancy buttplugs and more.

Tenzo actually swooned when he opened a box that Naruto guessed from the dimensions and color was probably a sex swing. Gai was there to catch him. Tsunade broke out in a fit of laughter when Shizune ran off blushing, too.

"They really are well suited for each other," Naruto grinned. And that's a fun swing.

"Don't get too excited now," her grandmother said as she redirected her attention. She swapped her own binoculars for Naruto's scope.

"What am I looking at… Oh," she said crossly. A group of women wearing very, very little was making their way closer and closer to the bar. "That cannot be safe." Naru didn't mean that as far as keeping them safe from her: no. There were very few people out here and the only shinobis nearby all appeared to be getting wasted and waiting for this kind of opportunity. Those women could get hurt or worse.

"I'm sure their safe passage is arranged," Tsunade said knowingly. Even she groaned, though, when she saw the giant cake being wheeled in by a few of her old gambling buddies. "So cliche." She got up and retrieved a henged Shizune who still managed to look mortified. Once in the moonlight, she gave her niece a dry look. "You really need to stop wearing that face."

Naruto glanced back at her, wondering what Tsunade meant. "Ah." Yeah, Shizune might be blonde and a little chubby in her henge but she still had an expression that just screamed "Shizune."

"Don't 'ah' me! What's going on down there? …No!" Shizune hissed seconds later. "Tenzo swore there wouldn't be any professionals!"

"Professionals?" Naruto said in dawning concern and understanding. That meant Kakashi hired them. So he KNEW them?! She wasn't against sex workers but Kakashi was hers. "Prostitutes?"

"Baka,' Tenten drawled. "No! And you'd better not let Anko-senpai know that you called her that!"

Most of the women on the hill got down on their bellies to get a better scope of what was going on at that little declaration. "I don't see her," Naru said, stuck in her chair. Tenten and Hinata might not be able to get her out of it tonight.

"Are you kidding?" Kurenai said from out of nowhere. "She'll be the one in the cake! –As if Anko's going to let someone else have the spotlight." Murmurs of agreement went through the small gathering. Unfortunately, they had to wait a while although Naruto and Tsunade were plenty entertained by how drunk Minato, especially, was getting. It was cute watching so many men try to help their Hokage keep the girls at bay when it only took him beginning to dance - again, if that's what he was doing could be called - for him to chase the women off all by himself.

"Kakashi gets really blunt when he's drunk." Currently, he was hiding behind his book while…. Conducting an orchestra? It was hard to tell.

Kurenai pointed and clicked her tongue at her husband who was definitely trying to burn the place down. Asuma had been lighting stuff on fire for a while.

Even though she was still wearing her henge, Shizune looked like the proud cat who caught the canary - until a woman came over and sat on her fiance's lap. Then the very Tsunade-like impersonator poofed into Jiraiya as he planted a big wet kiss on Tenzo's lips.

"He's so cute," Tsunade cooed.

"No, he's not!"

Naruto still felt like lovey-dovey Tsunade seemed like she had been summoned from the Twilight Zone but who was she to deny her grandparents? She groaned as her father began hugging and trying to smooch people, too. She really hoped that this wasn't a trait that would be passed down to her. The Hokage finally ended up getting sat on after he tried to pull down Kakashi's mask.

A giant cake was finally rolled in and everyone waited to see what Anko would do.

A female, very well-endowed Kakashi came bursting out of the cake and took a run at Tenzo.

"Come to senpai, Tenzo!"

Tenzo went running for the hills. "Get away from me!"

Naruto had to fan herself off. Girl Kakashi was HOT!


Hours later -

"Maa, did you see what they did to me, Naru-chan?" Wasted Kakashi pouted and frowned as he rubbed his wife's legs.

"Which part?" She tried to hold back laughter when Kakashi shook up a bottle of lube in each hand and squirted it all over her legs and feet. - And the blankets. He appeared to be trying to create art; all of the big loops of oil were making a real mess.

"ALL of it," Kakashi complained. It was good, though, aside from Jiraiya's and sensei's much too affectionate natures. It had been good not to think.

But Anko was so mean to him tonight!

"Weren't you the one who paid for the party?" Naru reminded him. "Don't try to deny it, you perv!"

Kakashi shook his head back and forth, making himself dizzier. "We split it. And Anko paid me."

"Ha! I don't doubt that. You kno~ow: you look good as a woman, Kakashi!"

"Naruto," Kakashi pouted, even more, looking absolutely pathetic as he tilted his head up at her and began to fall forward. "If I was a girl would you still do me? Maa… Would you still love me?"

"Of course, I would! And if you looked like the Kakashi-chan I saw tonight, you bet your pretty little ass I would do you day and night!"

"That's good." Kakashi began struggling to take off his belt. "I'm going to fuck your feet."

Naruto snorted. "Will that make you happy?"

"Yes. –What were we talking about?"

"You uh… seem to be doing it." Or he was trying to. It took him a while to get going.

"Does that feel good, baby? You want my thick cock rammed into your… holes - Maa, I mean arches? Oh yeah, you do."

Naruto held a pillow over her face, hiding her nearly hysterical laughter at his drunken idiocy. She looked down to see him really going for it. "Oh my god, from this angle, it looks like a giant sea serpent or something!"

"Release the Kraken," he mumbled before looking up at the ceiling and falling backward.

He woke up sometime later, feeling horrible and surly. He ran his hand over his mate's belly, cheering some when he felt his pups kick back at him. They were going to be little monsters. No: little angels. Strong little angels. "It smells like sex in here."

Naruto raised an eyelid and mainly saw his hair but could feel him all over her. "You think? You started on my feet but the last time you woke up you made a mess of me."

"Feet?" he asked. "Don't be a pervert, Naruto."

"Don't kink shame yourself, Kash. –I see how you are now!"

Kakashi was fairly silent for a while, long enough that Naru was nearly able to fall asleep again. The way he hummed against the twins was both adorable and soothing. It always made her zonk out.

"Naru?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I'm tired."

Naruto ran her nails through his thick hair, doubting that he'd sound like this if he wasn't still under the influence.

"I wish I could stay home with the pups and you could be the shinobi father but that's fucked up."

"That's fucked up thinking, Kakashi," Naruto whispered. "I know I'll be working as long as I live but I want to be a mother, too. I don't think I'd mind if you stayed at home with them if we could get away with it, though. I trust no one more than you." Kakashi only hummed and she thought he fell back asleep.

In two lives, he'd been a shinobi for over four decades. How much would be enough?!

"I'll train you up good; make sure you can take care of yourselves and your mother, puppies," he mumbled into her belly. Both of them thought it was cute that the twins would calm down a lot whenever he talked to them like this. "And I'll do what I have to do to ensure you don't have to go through what I did."

"I'll help you, Kakashi."


.


Naruto looked into the mirror and sighed, depressed. She looked absolutely ludicrous in a lavender bridesmaid's gown/kimono-hybrid thing. "I look like a whale!"

"But you're glowing, fatso," Anko grinned. "That means you're beautiful. And if you turn around with your back to us, you can't even tell you're the breeding pig for fast silver nightmares."

Naruto turned and growled at her. "You are so getting your ass kicked after I have these two, Anko."

"Looking forward to it," Anko said easily, adjusting the little hat and veil on her head. Shizune had a weird taste in formal wear. The bride herself was decked out as traditionally as humanly possible - "hiding her horns" in a big, light ivory hood, kimono, and the whole bit - but she and the other bridesmaids looked like those idiots in atrocious pastels that she'd seen in Shizune's bridal magazines.

Kurenai had the maid of honor turn this time (Anko had been Kurenai's maid of honor, naturally,) so Kurenai, at least, got to wear a deeper shade of the lavender that she, Naori, and Naruto had been forced into. The lavender at least looked good on Hyuuga Naori, complimenting her eyes, and was something the Hyuugas wore a lot when not all in white.

"I'm gonna make the pictures ugly," Naruto pouted. "The only reason I'm here is that I'm family and I don't want to…"

"Shut up, Naruto," Shizune ordered from under mounds of fabric. Naruto seriously wondered if Shizune would be strong enough to carry it all with her and she could no longer see Shizune's cute face. "I DID want you here. I love all four of you. …The only reason I put up with you, however, is because you are family."

Naruto started to cry and got whacked over the head, almost flattening her dumb hat. "Assholes!" Now she had to redo her makeup.

A flash of yellow and white appeared right at that moment. Her father was decked out as formally as she'd ever seen him in flowy white robes similar to the ones that traitor Hiruzen used to wear under his even longer than usual flashy cloak. He was holding his hat and Naruto was sure that someone had put concealer on his face to hide his probable hangover. He told everyone how beautiful they looked and latched on to her like the lemming he could sometimes be. "Are we almost ready to go? I think everyone is seated!"

Minato looooved marrying people although it always made him cry afterward.

As soon as he left, all of the women began bouncing up and down, chanting bullshit at a grinning Shizune until Tsunade came in and spoiled their fun. She yanked Shizune's hood over her head again which was a shame: Shizune had been growing her hair out and it was up in a pretty bun with flowing little tendrils. Tenzo would probably faint when he saw her; she looked so beautiful.

Her eyes: oh, Kami, her eyes, Naruto thought, starstruck. Shizune, with makeup on, was stunning! Tenzo was gonna freak!

Outside of the ninshu-related church's sanctuary - and it was a freaking church only normally accessible through the Senju Compound - Naruto grinned when she saw Kakashi waiting to escort Kurenai down the long aisle. He winked at her and looked so incredibly handsome as he chatted with Asuma and Gai. He was in modern formal wear - all black with just a little gray on the collars of his jacket - and looked like a total stud. She waddled up to him and pulled him down to whisper in his ear. "As soon as I get you alone, I'm gonna fuck your brains out." Kakashi let out a perverted giggle, eagerly nodding his head.

"I didn't want to hear that."

"God dammit, Sai! You weren't supposed to hear that!"

"We're about to start," he said, ignoring her red face. "I can't believe it's possible for you to look even bigger but you've done it Double D - or should I call you F-cup," he said with a charming smile before his commander bonked him on the head. "She does, though!" Shortstuff's back has to be killing her. He got hit again.

"One of these days, you're going to go too far, Sai, I swear it," Naruto pouted. She took his dumb arm anyway when the music began playing, just like they'd practiced. They were the first of the wedding party to proceed down the aisle, which seemed a little strange but whatever. Naruto found it amusing that her ANBU partner (and guard, lately) was slightly shaking. "Nervous?" she whispered, looking straight ahead. She was, too.

Sai continued to walk inappropriately slowly, even when escorting a particularly large land flounder, he thought. "There are a LOT of people here."

"Shizune's popular," she replied truthfully. And a lot of people want to see a Senju wedding. Since it was a founding family thing, politics were also at play. Even the daimyo was here. Her godmother, oddly enough, was not.

"So is Tenzo," Sai said, always defensive of his old sensei.

"Yeah, he is," Naruto agreed, grinning at the very pale but hopeful face of the groom. It looked like her father was trying to calm him down, whispering into his ear. Naruto thought it was a shame that Tenzo cut his long hair again but he definitely looked handsome in his more traditional formal kimono. She always thought he looked younger but more rugged without the happuri. "You look nice, Uncle Tenzo," she whispered to him with a big smile.

Tenzo grimaced but then laughed the nickname off. He wouldn't admit it to many but having a family was very, very nice - to put it mildly. He never thought he'd ever be in this position. "Thank you, niece," he said shyly but with a bit of humor.

"Don't call me that!" She was supposed to be the one giving him a hard time, not the other way around. "Never mind. You can call me that!"

Tenzo groaned.

Once in the spot she'd been instructed to take, Naruto grinned as she watched Gai bouncing as he pulled the Hyuuga medic she'd not met before this week down the aisle. She'd rarely seen a Hyuuga obviously infuriated but Hyuuga Naori was definitely not happy. Naru wondered if Gai was about to get juukened. They managed to get to their spots and were followed by Anko and Asuma. Naruto looked out and sure enough, in the second row on the bride's side, Konohamaru was holding baby Mirai.

Maybe one day she can be friends with the boys, Naruto softly grinned. Kakashi didn't know they were having identical twin boys, but she did.

Many years later, Sarutobi Mirai would be teamed with the slightly younger Hatake twins.

She looked down to make sure that she was in the right spot but quickly looked back up after catching the dark eyes of Shisui and Itachi. She sucked in a breath as she smiled at them. Shisui winked at her and Itachi just continued to gaze at her fondly. Her eyes teared up: her Uchiha boys who had once cared for her when few others did (she KNEW it in her heart whether or not she could properly remember her childhood in this life) were sitting in the front row, next to the daimyo and an obviously hungover Jiraiya, on Tenzo's side of the aisle.

The Uchihas on the side of the Senjus. Can you see this, Hashirama? Isn't this what you dreamed of, you big, lovable baka?

Various rumors of the truth behind the Uchiha massacre had been running rampant through the village ever since the kitsune festival ended but this was a big thing: the daimyo sitting beside the Uchiha reinstated Clan Head? It shouted to the village and world that Shisui was ALIVE and Itachi was, somehow, a hero rather than a villain. Itachi's eyes morphed into the Mangeyeko and Naruto was caught before she could look away.

She literally shoved him into a different part of her mindscape, away from Kurama. "You asshole," she scolded him, "you genjutsu-ed me!"

"You were staring at me," he shimmered; everything around them was red.

"So that gives you the right to genjutsu me?"

"It's only for a moment. You look beautiful, Naruto-chan!"

You look beautiful, too, she thought, probably inappropriately. It has to be those stupid horny pregnancy hormones. She was supposed to be passed that point in her pregnancy although she was glad she wasn't in a way. Just not right now.

Not that she was horny - well, not for Itachi, anyway.

"I heard that."

Naruto screamed in humiliation and Itachi threw his head back in quiet laughter, making her grin at him - although her face was nearly as red as her surroundings.

"Laughing looks good on you," she said honestly. "Your mindscape sucks, though: it's all red and there are crows…" Naruto didn't particularly care for crows after being forced to swallow one in her last life.

"This is an effect of the genjutsu; it is not my mindscape."

Naruto sighed and nodded her head. "Itachi, where's Sasuke?"

"He's on a mission," he said uncomfortably.

"I can feel you're lying even more here than I could when you and Shisui told me that before."

"He'll return to us, Naruto. We'll talk more later."
- We'll save Sasuke after you're back on active duty if not before.

The genjutsu ended and Naruto tried to smile through her discomfort as Kakashi - now in front of everyone after escorting Kurenai up the aisle - glared both at her and the Uchiha. She winked at him and heard him growl. Oh my gosh.

I do love that growling, though.

Tenzo kept gasping as Shizune approached him with Tsunade and the blonde feared he would pass out if he didn't watch it. She'd seen Tenzo pass out in overwhelming social situations before so it was good that both Kakashi and her father were subtly holding onto his arms, one on each side. She smiled at her father who was grinning like a loon.

"Who gives this woman in marriage?" the Hokage asked. Naruto thought it was sexist as hell but apparently, this was some kind of a modern/traditional-mix thing.

Tsunade was all decked out in a fancy, incredible Senju kimono that was a rich gold covered with the leaves of trees. It was amazing! Her multiple obis looked like the winding bark of a tree yet had dragons (and slugs: how odd) somehow visible through the knots.

"As her aunt, and on behalf of her parents and brother, I proudly present Kato Shizune as her own woman: strong enough to stand on her own and make her own decisions. –Ones that I fully support!"

That was much better than what Naruto had heard in the rehearsal. "Way to go, baa-chan," she whispered in gratitude.

Later as she and Kakashi screwed each other senseless in a back room, she let out a loud moan over the desk her chest was pressed over. Her lavender abomination was open and hiked over her hips so that he could better play with or hold her up. "God! You are so good! …Life is so good!"

And that's when her father and the bride and groom accidentally walked in on them.

"No!"