Never has a sheaf of papers felt so heavy in her arms. She wondered if this was the weight of taking her destiny into her own hands.
The will of the goddess. All her life she had allowed herself to submit to the whims of those above her. Crests are said to be power incarnate, but possessing one had not protected her mother from being forced to marry and bear a child for House Bartels. Possessing one had not prevented Mercedes from being dragged from the church where she was living by her merchant adoptive father.
The first was a demon of the past now—dear Emille had seen to that—but the second…
All her life, she had told herself it was the will of the goddess as she smiled and endured. There must be a reason for it all. There must be… but perhaps she'd been misinterpreting Her will all along. From Adrestia, to Faerghus… to the Officer's Academy. It all feels as though everything had been leading up to this moment.
She made her decision when she defied the wishes of her adoptive father to return to Garreg Mach the day of the Millennium Festival. A childish whim, he had said, but she held her ground. With the prospect of an unwanted marriage looming over her like a thick fog, she'd felt like a woman on the death row, unable to do anything save wait for the axe to fall.
But the promise. It was something she wanted, something she so desperately wanted before the end of her road, one way or another.
Back then, she asked herself where that strength had come from. That courage, that defiance… That wasn't her, she spent her life following the whims of others, so it must have been someone else giving her the strength to do it.
It was. For it had been them, the Blue Lions. Annette, her best friend in the whole world—what would she do without her? Ingrid, torn between her duty and her dreams, but never wavering in her devotion to both; Ashe, who lost so much throughout his life, but never his kind heart; Felix, ever prickly and quietly hurting, but ever true to himself in his own way; Sylvain, hiding his true self behind a smile and a wink even at his most sincere; Dedue and how his perpetually furrowed brow belied the presence of one of the gentlest souls she has ever known; and, of course, Dimitri and the professor, those who brought them all together and those whose returns that fateful day were as real a miracle as any.
Her desire to see them again was stronger than her fear of him. And though they were not with her now, she could feel them—their smiles, their laughter and their love and their loyalty—bolstering her skywards and giving her the strength to do what she never could on her own.
For the goddess, as mysterious as her ways were, had been watching over her all along.
I am not powerless. Not anymore. She had no intention of abusing her power as her "fathers" have, but before she could use it to help those in need as she always wished to, she must first use it to help herself.
She lifted her hand and knocked.
Her adoptive father met her at the door of his estate as she expected. When she went to visit him back during the Harpspring Moon, she had taken care to not go alone. Ingrid's presence had made all the difference, reminding him of his caparious position as one of Cornelia's supporters and thus, did not try very hard to try to dissuade her from leaving again.
He had recovered nicely since then, as she knew he would, his eyes lighting up in delight when he saw her. Knowing it was not out of concern for her well-being as a person as it was akin to the relief of recovering a piece of valuable merchandise, Mercedes felt the disdain she had felt from her previous visit return in full force.
Disdain… and anger. Is that all people like me are to you? Just another… thing you can buy and sell at your leisure?
She knew what the answer was.
He wasted no time. The moment the door was closed behind him, he began to speak, "Perfect timing, Mercedes. Now that the war is over, we can speak of more important matters. I just recently received a reply yesterday regarding—"
"No."
His reaction to that one word would have been comical if it weren't for the fact that this was the first time she had ever told him so directly to his face. "As I'd written in my last letter, I've found a life worth pursuing and so I must decline the proposal—and every other you may have found for me."
Were these words really her own? The realization was almost dizzying, but she had to do this. She had to. Before he could recover and regain the upper hand, Mercedes held up the papers she had been clutching to her chest. She paused, just long enough for him to see exactly what they were—the records of her adoption that had been recklessly stolen from him for her sake.
"But they—how did you—?"
"It doesn't matter how," she replied firmly. "I don't hate you for this. I don't hate you for anything. It's thanks to you that I was able to attend the Officer's Academy after all. For that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart—"
And she meant that, truly. It was only because of her classmates, her friends in the Blue Lions, that she knew she could do this. How ironic it was. This man had sent her to Garreg Mach in hopes of eventually gaining something for himself by making her a more appealing bride to the military houses of Faerghus, only for her to find the strength to defy him there.
"—But from now on, I am walking my own path. If you try to stop me…" She met his gaze head on. "A friend of mine will make the contents of these papers public—starting with my old classmates… such as the king."
She uttered a wordless prayer that her friend will forgive her for using his name in such a way, but she was sure that he would understand. And she cannot deny that there was something oddly satisfying about watching her adoptive father pale as the implications of her words dawned upon him. A woman such as Cornelia may be willing to overlook the dubious ethics involved in his adoption of her, but Dimitri won't.
The satisfaction was only temporary. Hopeless as he was, she never was the sort to delight in the misfortune of another. "Things are never going to be the same anymore," Mercedes said gently. "The world is changing and we have to change with it. His Maj… Dimitri is a good man. He is not one to judge a person based on status or wealth or whether they have a Crest. Not all nobles are what you think, you know."
She had meant her words to be a comfort, a reassurance that he can still survive, still succeed without the benefit of a noble son-by-marriage, but they only angered him. "You—You insignificant, ungrateful girl." The sudden raising of his voice made her flinch, but she stood firm. "After everything I have done for you, this is how you repay me? Remember, Mercedes, the only reason you are anything now—the only reason His Majesty even knows you exist is because of me. You are nothing without your Crest. Without me."
And would that be so bad? She did not lament the path she had walked thus far, but she had been happy in that small nameless church, safe and valued for herself rather than her ability to bear a child with a Crest. Would it have been so bad living a simple quiet life there with her mother and the monks and nuns who raised her? No, it would not have been, which was why his words held no power over her. Not anymore.
"You're wrong," Mercedes said, drawing herself up to her full height. "My Crest is a part of me, yes, but it never was the sum of me. I have nothing more to say to you, Father, and I pray that I never will. May the goddess light your path."
He did not try to stop her from leaving. She could defend herself if need be, but she was glad she did not need to. The last thing she wanted to do was to draw blood on what was meant to be a joyous day.
And joyous it was.
Her confrontation with him could not have been longer than the hour and yet… Fhirdiad seemed so different now that she was shackled no longer.
I am free, she thought, gazing towards the blue skies up above as she found herself bursting out into laughter. I am finally free.
:.
:.
:.
I adore Mercedes so I was very happy (and very proud) to have had the opportunity to contribute to Angel of the Battlefield!
As per usual, a big shout out and thank you to my friends Liv and Phoenix for their help and feedback during the writing process. Phoenix was the one who came up with the title as well :)
