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"She's not here, Stabler." Amanda's voice clipped his name, her head never even raising to give him a proper acknowledgement. Not that he deserved it. "Pretty late for you to be dropping by anyway."

Elliot ignored her distaste. "Well, I'm glad she went home or is at least taking a break. She's seemed stressed lately. More so than normal. I just. . .wanted to tell her first. She was worried about me the last time I saw her. I wanted to reassure her."

"Tell her what?" Amanda's gaze flickered up now to meet his eyes, now noticing his clean shaven face and the plastic bag in his hand. "It better be good news, because you've been a tornado in and out of her life since you came back."

"Yeah, I know. I'm going to try and fix it." Elliot sighed, scratching his chin. "I'll try calling her to see how she's doing. Might be by tomorrow with lunch for her. I can see you aren't happy with my presence, so I'll give you that heads up that you'll have to see my face again soon."

Amanda scoffed. "You're unbelievable." His steps towards the exit halted, his body with accompany frown turning face her again as he slowly approached her. "You say things that make everyone think, make her believe, that you care about her. That you love her. But then, your actions scream the opposite. You ghost her and abandon her like she's nothing."

Elliot's jaw clenched. "You have no idea what my relationship with Olivia is."

"No, I don't, but disappearing on her for a decade doesn't take a genius to see how selfish you were leaving like that." Amanda spat back, standing from her own desk. Her heart stopped when she saw Olivia in the hallway, stopped dead in her tracks hearing her and Elliot verbally combat.

"Selfish? Selfish?!" Elliot shook his head. "It was shitty to do. I'll give you that. Believe me. I've felt like an asshole everyday for the past ten years. Each and every day wondering who was watching her back and what she was doing, how she was doing. Wondering if I made the right choice by leaving for her."

Amanda's eyes widened. "For her?"

"Everything I've done has been for her. Well, not everything, but everything I could control. I left because she deserved someone better than me, someone who wouldn't give her a bad reputation. If I had left my wife and been with Olivia like I wanted, she would've been labeled as the other woman. Even if it would've been years apart from the divorce to when we got together, there were so many people in the force who thought we were fooling around with each other, having an affair. I couldn't do that to her, even though she's stronger than anybody gives her credit for. I was not about to let me feelings jeopardize everything she had worked for. So, I left, living with her ghost, in misery. I would live my whole life that way if it meant she was happy. And hell, maybe Kathy was right to a certain extent about that God damn letter. Maybe I was holding Olivia back. Look at what she's done since I've been gone. She's become a Captain. Something I want to tell her I'm extremely proud of but don't feel like I can yet." He turned to look at the darkened office, his eyes reddening around the rims as his eyes watered.

"Why can't you? I'm sure she'd love to hear that." Amanda asked quietly, watching as her friend silently cried in the doorway to the squad room.

Elliot chuckled despite his own tears falling. "It's sort of an inside joke of sorts. The first year we were partners, I told her she looked nice. I think she was going out with this other detective, Jeffries, or maybe out on a date. Doesn't matter. I told her she looked nice. She just rolled her eyes and said 'shut up, Stabler'. To this day, I'd rather hear her say that than get a thank you from anybody else. I want to tell her so many things. That I'm proud of her for all she's accomplished. She's beautiful. I want to tell her I love her without feeling like I'm hurting her. My God, I want to tell her how happy I am that she became a mother. I prayed so many times for God to give her a kid of her own, because she deserved to be a mother so much, to feel that unconditional love from a child. I would've moved mountains for her if she'd let me."

Amanda swallowed hard, feeling the raw emotion radiating off the other two in the room. "So, what's stopping you now?"

"I'm not good enough for her." Elliot breathed with a shake of his head. "I'm compulsive, can still be a hothead. I know that I'd choose her over my own job, because I've done it so many times before. I'd commit crimes to protect her, lie to 1PP if it only saved her face. She's everything good, and I don't want to bring anything bad into her life. I can't bring anything bad into her life. As much as a try to cover it up, someone always figures out that my everything belongs to her, and I can't let any of those people get to her. No one will lay their hands on her if I can help it."

"Is that why Wheatley came after Olivia?" Amanda asked.

Elliot nodded slowly. "He found her somehow. He found her and knows that she means more to me than I could ever put into words." He ran a hand down his face, glancing down at his shoes. "I almost feel like this trial is going to not just be the people vs him, but the people vs me too. Because if his lawyer brings up Olivia while I'm on the stand, I'll have to admit under oath what I've tried to hide from everyone looking to make her the bad guy in my marriage - that I've loved her for twenty-three years. That it will always be her."

Amanda felt like a weight had just been dropped yet the air seemed to get heavier. "So, why not be with her?"

"Haven't you been listening?" Elliot's voice gained some edge back, his head swiveling towards Amanda again. "I'm not good enough for her. I'll never be good enough for her. I can't allow the dangers of my job to become dangers in her life. I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to her because of someone I was trying to take down."

"So, what? You're going to live your life in misery not being with the one you love." Amanda stated.

Elliot nodded again. "Her safety is more important than my happiness."

"What about her happiness? What if she loves you?" Amanda questioned, sensing Elliot's patience running thin with this emotional tear down.

"Like you said, I left for ten years. My actions don't really speak as to how much I care. As much as I hate that letter Kathy wrote, she was right about Olivia deserving a man who is loyal and devoted to her. She was right about me holding her back from who and where she was meant to be." Elliot whispered. "And, I meant it with my very soul when I told Olivia it should've been her and I. In this universe, in any universe. I would choose her in every lifetime. So, I care a lot about Olivia Benson. Love seems like an understatement. But, how could she ever love me after everything I've done to her?"

He glanced down again, almost surprised to see the plastic bag in his hand he had walked in with. He quickly set it down on Amanda's desk. "I was going to leave these in her office, but I guess you could give them to her. It'd probably make her happier if they came from you instead of me."

"What is this?" Amanda asked, peering into the bag and seeing some type of chocolate treat she'd never heard of before.

"It used to be her favorite, might still be." Elliot murmured. "I had a drawer emptied out for these in my desk, because I knew this always got her to at least smile even if we were working a rough case. The lack of space was worth it even if my desk looked like a mudslide waiting to happen. If she still likes them, text me in a couple weeks and I'll pick up some more at the little bodega that sells them. I usually stocked up once or twice every month."

Amanda smiled softly. "I think you should give these two her. It would make her really happy." She tucked her hair behind her ear. "I also think you should tell her how you feel. She won't ever give up on you, even when we all tell her she should."

"If she told me she loved me, that she wanted me that way, I couldn't protect her. Then, I'd be selfish, because I couldn't stay away from her." Elliot sighed with a shake of his head.

"So, don't."

Despite being caught, her voice made his stomach explode into butterflies and his chest constrict knowing she was close. He turned slowly, seeing her standing near the entrance with her own tear stained face. Even in a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt and sneakers, he wanted to tell her how gorgeous she was if only to hear those three words that would be offensive to anyone else. "Liv. . ."

"I'll go put these in your office." Amanda muttered before sneaking away, pretty sure neither of them even registered that she was still there.

"I don't want you to stay away from me." Olivia breathed, shaking her head. "Even if you think you can't protect me the best being with me, you've protected me the best being with me. You've chosen me; I'm choosing you too, El."

Elliot shook his head as she walked over to him. "You're too good for me, Liv."

"Most would agree with you there." Olivia conceited before they were toe to toe. "But, you make me happy. Happy in a way only you can make me." She closed her eyes when his forehead dropped to hers. "I love you, El. I know you're wondering how I possibly could, and believe me I've thought about it a great deal. But, it's harder for me to hate you than love you, to think you a liar than trust you. My soul won't allow it, El."

"I can't let you go admitting that." Elliot whispered, his hands coming to rest at her hips.

Olivia met his eyes, her lashes grazing his. "I won't ask you to." She brought her hands up to cup his face before bringing his lips to hers, sealing their fate even if it had been determined the day they met. This was them owning it. She did pull back though when something dawned. Her eyes scanned his face. "You shaved your face."

"Part of why I stopped by. I'm out. I'm done. No more Eddie." Elliot explained, smiling when her eyes seemed to light up at the news. "Just Elliot."

"Good." Olivia pecked his lips again. "It looked like you had a ferret on your face."

Elliot scoffed. "Meanwhile, I can think of five different ways I could get you to love it seeing you in those yoga pants."

"Shut up, Stabler." Olivia huffed with a roll of her eyes, chuckling when Elliot pulled her close, his lips landing on her temple.

"Speaking of why I'm here though, what are you doing here?" Elliot asked with an almost disapproving raised brow.

Olivia shrugged. "Noah's at a sleepover, and I figured it'd be a good time to get some paperwork done." She saw him start shaking his head. "I've been behind with the staff shortage and then a case embarrassing cases. Don't get me started on the new Chief-"

"I'll straighten him out with your word. The rest can wait until Monday. C'mon, I'll cook something at my place for us instead of you waiting here for the delivery guy from Grubhub. Mama will embarrass me and fawn over you until she goes to sleep, and then we can kick up our feet with a bottle of wine." Elliot declared with his arm already around her waist and leading her back towards the hallway. "Goodnight, Rollins!" He called out, faintly hearing the detective bid them both farewell as they headed for the elevators. "No way am I letting you work your Friday night away when I'm not there to make it go faster."

Olivia peered up at him as they got on the elevator, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Did you really empty a drawer just to keep those chocolate bars in there?"

"Bottom right drawer." Elliot confirmed with a smirk. He chuckled when her jaw dropped, her body pulling slightly away from his. He followed, nearly pinning her against the side of the elevator with his arm still around her waist and the other pressed against the wall beside her head. "You really do look good. I hope I get to see you in yoga pants more often."

"Oh, you definitely will when you come over to my place." Olivia nodded, a small not so innocent smile gracing her lips. "But, I have a feeling you'll like me better out of them." The groan that erupted from his throat at that moment confirmed it.

Please review! Marking this as complete for now, but let me know if you want more chapters. I may add some if enough people want more.