A/N: Disclaimer: Refer back to Chapter 1.
WARNING: LANGUAGE, OOC, Suggestive Situations
Chapter 2: Confusion
It was past midnight. Ayame could not sleep; not after what happened. She tossed and turned in her bed. 'It's no use.' she shook her head, 'Looks like I'm not going to get any sleep tonight.'
Ayame got out of bed and took out her swords and a white fluffy towel. She stealthily walked out of her home and headed for the nearby pond within the forest. She loved the pond; it was where she could be at ease, without thinking of any burden.
Unknown to her, another figure roamed the forest.
Rikimaru could also not sleep, 'This is unacceptable. I am faltering. A mere woman is affecting me, distracting me…'
But as he thought those words, a little voice in his head joined in, 'Not just any woman. A woman who's full of spirit; one who's vibrant. A woman whom you care about deeply…' His thoughts were interrupted with the sound of someone singing lightly in the breeze. 'Someone else is here'. With his new found curiosity, Rikimaru quietly followed the voice until it led him to the forest pond. His gray eyes peered through the bushes around him and saw what looked like a goddess before him.
He blinked once. He blinked twice. He wasn't dreaming; the vision did lie before his very eyes. Before him was a woman; a woman that was bathed in moonlight. The moonlight illuminated her smooth and pale skin. He tore his eyes away from her and noticed her discarded clothes on the ground. He turned to her again and was intrigued by her unknown identity. She had her back to him but he was still entranced by her apparently flawless figure. She continued to sing and Rikimaru clenched his fists, 'This is preposterous. I should go…' he turned to leave when he heard her speak, "What happened today? Why would Riki do that?"
His heart froze. He knew that voice. He whipped around to see that the woman had turned towards his direction. She did not notice him and seemed to be deep in thought. Her raven black hair fell to her shoulders, her pink lips pouted, her eyebrows furrowed in thought, the water barely covering her bare chest. She let her hand run through her silky hair and Rikimaru felt the blood being pumped up to his head and a tinge of electricity shooting through him making the bulge in his pants grow. Rikimaru's heart pounded at his sudden realization, 'Ayame…'
As if sensing his thoughts, Ayame's eyes blazed, "Who's there? Show yourself!" she demanded. Ayame instinctively attempted to reach for her weapons but it dawned to her that if she did, she would be utterly exposed to the stranger.
Rikimaru left his hiding place and took in her shocked face. "What are you doing here?" they asked in unison.
Ayame felt her anger rising, "I came here for a midnight bath! I should ask you Rikimaru! How long have you been standing there?" Rikimaru could say nothing and she rolled her eyes out of annoyance, "Well, could you at least pass me my towel and turn around?"
Rikimaru nodded and reached for the towel. He walked closer to her and handed her the towel and the garment. He then turned around and she proceeded to dress. As soon as she was finished, Rikimaru faced her, and once again, uncomfortable silence was between them.
Rikimaru decided to break the silence and whispered, "I'm sorry." She raised an eyebrow and he continued, "I did not expect to see you here. And as I turned to leave, you felt me and here we are."
Ayame nodded, "Well, no harm done. I guess I should be thankful that you weren't some enemy ninja huh?" she laughed.
Rikimaru nodded, "You are right. But I do hope you learn from this mistake." He began to walk away when Ayame ran after him, "Hey! Wait for me!"
The two walked back within the village, where they separated to be within their own homes.
xxxxx
The incident was never brought up again and it had been a month since Tenrai's defeat. Ayame began to lose her spirit. Everyday, she thought more and more of him.
'Tatsumaru…'
Every night she was haunted with disturbing visions of his death. To make matters worse, since the incident at the pond, Rikimaru avoided her like she was a disease. He would no longer offer her his company or spar with her.
'Hmph! What's his problem?' she thought angrily, 'How dare he ignore me? I should be the one ignoring him! Not the other way around!'
She stormed out of the castle with clenched fists. Princess Kiku noticed the change of behavior in Ayame and was quite concerned. And as princess Kiku saw Ayame storm out of the castle, she took it upon herself to consult her father.
xxxxx
Kiku proceeded to her father's chambers where he greeted her with much affection, "My daughter. What brings you here?"
Kiku returned his smile and nodded, "Father. Is something wrong with Ayame?" Lord Gohda raised an eyebrow, "Why do you say that? Has something happened?"
Kiku shook her head, "No…it's just that…well, she seems angry and sad all the time. I hardly see her and Rikimaru talk. Did they have a fight?"
Lord Gohda thought carefully and crossed his arms, "Do not fret. I shall speak to them." Kiku smiled and hugged her father, "Thank you father."
Lord Gohda returned her embrace and smiled, "I'm sure there's nothing wrong. You'll see."
xxxxx
Ayame had just been through Lord Gohda's chambers, and still, even after all the talking, she still didn't feel any better. She had convinced him that nothing was wrong and that there had just been a misunderstanding with Rikimaru. She refused to tell him of her feelings for Tatsumaru. And right now, all she wanted to do was ring Rikimaru's neck.
She walked through the doors of the castle and noticed the sun setting. She smiled, seeing the sunset eased and soothed her mind. Without any further thought, she grappled onto the castle's roof and sat down to admire the scenery.
As the sun completely disappeared from the horizon, Ayame felt calm; her heartbeat and breathing steady. But suddenly, a tear fell on her hand; she brought her hand close to her eyes to examine it. She didn't even notice that she was already crying.
"To love…" she shook her head, laughing quietly yet sadly, "To love is to experience pain. It's not worth it…" she continued to wipe tears from her eyes but more came, "I love you Tatsumaru…but you couldn't feel the same for me…you never loved and would never love me…Why?" she whispered up to the now darkening sky.
"Oh Gods…is this to be my fate?" she asked aloud, "To be alone, to have no one? To be surrounded only by death…."
Ayame sobbed quietly on the roof when a voice spoke, "Ayame…"
Ayame looked up to see Rikimaru without his mask, look sympathetically at her, "Are you alright?" She turned her eyes away from him, "I'm fine. What do you want?"
Rikimaru remained unfazed even at her apparent irritation, "I deserve that." She snorted but he ignored it, "I came to apologize. I never meant to hurt you…I just didn't know what to say."
Ayame laughed, "Why do men all have the same lines?" Rikimaru gave her a puzzled look and she chuckled, "Forget it."
Ayame closed her eyes and tilted her head towards the sky. He walked closer to her and sat down beside her. Rikimaru looked at her briefly and also looked at the sky. Neither of them spoke and a raindrop fell on Ayame's cheek. Ayame opened her eyes slowly and looked at Rikimaru who was now staring into her eyes. Uncomfortable silence was felt again and more raindrops fell from the sky. Soon, it was raining.
Rikimaru stood up, "Come on, we are getting drenched." Ayame shook her head, "I don't want to go…Riki…" The tension was killing Rikimaru inside, "What?"
Ayame also stood up, smiled and took his hand in hers, "Why don't you enjoy the rain? It feels so good!" She sighed and closed her eyes while still holding onto his hand. Rikimaru pulled his hand away but she held on tighter thus resulting in her being pulled closer to him along with his hand.
She opened her eyes to see gray orbs staring back at her. Their faces were almost touching. She felt a chill run through her spine as the rain poured. Ayame brought her eyes and a hand to his lips and he did not protest, "You're so cold Rikimaru…"
Rikimaru opened his lips to say something but the feeling of her breath on his lips prevented him from speaking. Ayame looked at him again and she began to feel lost in his eyes. She put her hands on his shoulders and he put his around her waist. This time, as he touched her, there was no verbal protest, no punch, no nothing.
She was allowing him to touch her. He drew her into a hug and she accepted him wholeheartedly. She rested her head on his chest and sobbed. Rikimaru felt her anguish and held her tighter, "Ssshh…it's alright…" Being who he was, he knew that comforting crying girls wasn't his forte, but here, in this particular situation, he was giving it his best shot.
The sky cried along with Ayame as the rain raged on, as if feeling her pain and pitying her. Ayame looked up at him and mouthed a 'thank you'.
Rikimaru wiped her tears away and she chuckled as the rain fell on her face. Rikimaru could no longer take it, and he could feel his self control forsaking him. Ayame noticed him lean closer to her and she herself felt being taken in by the moment, like that day, on the hills when they sparred.
Their lips finally connected. Ayame froze; even Tatsumaru hadn't been able to make her feel this way. This was her first kiss. She was innocent, and untouched. Ayame moaned in the kiss; she did not expect Rikimaru's lips to be soft and warm…but they were.
After a long time of denying himself of this pleasure, Rikimaru felt contented. But his feelings of shame came rushing back and he pulled away. Ayame felt him and put a hand behind his head and pulled him closer. Rikimaru, feeling the shame and guilt slowly dissipate from within him, responded by prying her lips open with his tongue and exploring every crevice that her mouth had. She had tasted so good, he never wanted to let go.
Rikimaru and Ayame let desire sweep through their bodies as they kissed passionately in the rain, their worlds freezing for the moment, not caring what may happen next. All that mattered was that right now, they needed each other and that they were in each other's arms.
Moments later, they pulled away, panting. Ayame spoke first, her voice cracking, "W-what just happened?"
Rikimaru whispered, "I don't know."
"W-we should get back…" she stammered and he nodded.
xxxxx
Later that night, as Ayame looked at herself at the mirror, she saw an image she did not expect to see. She saw herself, in someone else's arms…Rikimaru's. She rubbed her eyes and looked at the mirror again, only to see that the vision had faded. Truth be told, Ayame never looked at Rikimaru as anything else as a clan brother, not a brother.
Was a relationship other than platonic love even conceivable? She shrugged; she could no longer pretend that there aren't any feelings involved between Rikimaru and herself; such as loneliness, passion, desire…
She knew that he felt the same about her, but knowing him, he would never admit it. Not to her, not even to himself. But then, what of Tatsumaru? If she were to be involved with Rikimaru, she would be betraying him since she knew that her heart belonged only to Tatsumaru.
She forced such thoughts out of her head and plopped down on her bed. "I don't know what to feel anymore…" she whispered into the darkness.
xxxxx
'What happened between us? That wasn't supposed to happen. I…she doesn't love me.'
Rikimaru knew what the situation would have tended for him to do; ignore and avoid her. But, now it cannot be done. Lord Gohda had already spoken to him regarding his rift with Ayame. Also, Ayame would just be angry at him again. His thoughts wandered back to her state at the roof. She was sobbing and crying and he did not know why. Was she ill? Was she hurt? Physically?
Those possibilities did not sound plausible. 'But…' he thought for a while, and nodded, knowing immediately what she was feeling: pain and anguish of unrequited love and grieving a lost love. He felt a pang of pain as it dawned to him, Ayame still felt for Tatsumaru, even in death.
'She loves him.' he thought bitterly. 'She's always loved him. I could tell.' It was all so silly. Here he was, madly in love with her and there she was, chasing after a deceased person; a person that did not share her sentiments.
To Rikimaru, their situation seemed hopeless. 'Perhaps, this is the consequence for the life I chose to lead.' he thought sadly.
It had been a week since Ayame and Rikimaru's moment on the roof. During those days, neither of them spoke of it, nor did they ever made mention of it. Rikimaru and Ayame alike acted as if nothing of the sort had happened.
Once again, as before, Ayame found herself sitting on Gohda Castle's roof, admiring the sunset. And, as before, her thoughts wandered back to the men in her life, Tatsumaru and Rikimaru. She loved Tatsumaru, that much was clear, but what about Rikimaru? What did she feel for him? She didn't know.
But there was one thing she could be sure of; being with Rikimaru that day on the roof made Ayame forget; even if for just a little while…She forgot her problems, her dilemmas…even made her forget about him…But nonetheless, after the experience, no matter how long or short, the problems one had will always be there. There was no point in running from it, no point in brushing it aside. She knew she had to stop living in the past, to move on with her life, but she simply didn't know how.
She did it before, why can't she do it now? Seeing Tatsumaru die and then only to see him alive again made Ayame's insides turn and churn; it made her soul leap and her heart stop, only to be greeted with the simple truth that he did not love her the way she did him.
"Tatsu…" she whispered to herself.
She buried her face on her arms and sobbed quietly. 'I'm being weak…Tatsu and Riki would laugh at me if they knew…'
She tried to stop herself from crying but to no avail. Everyone had to cry, even ninjas, and Ayame was no exception. She continued to sob until she felt a hand touch her shoulder. She immediately knew who it was.
"Ayame…are you alright?" Rikimaru asked. His face, she could not see, but his eyes never lied. She knew that he cared for her. She flashed him a quick smile before brushing his hand away, "Of course I am Riki…haha…That line is becoming a cliché! I-I just…" her efforts failed when her body betrayed her. Rikimaru watched as his partner collapsed on to the roof before him, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Ayame…"
"What?" she snapped at him, "I don't want your pity! I don't need it!"
Rikimaru knelt before her and looked her straight in the eye, "I do not pity you Ayame…I'm just concerned about you…You have to let this go. Let him go."
Ayame stared back at the platinum-haired ninja, "You don't know how I feel…Do you think that I haven't tried? I have Rikimaru! It's so easy to make statements like that…but you have no clue as to what I'm going through! You've never loved anyone like the way I love Tatsumaru!"
Rikimaru sighed. She was wrong. He did know what she was going through…If anything, his experience was worse. Rikimaru turned his back on her and began walking away and stopped halfway, "You're wrong. I have loved someone. In fact, I still do…"
Ayame looked up to meet his eyes, but he was gone. She was alone again.
xxxxx
