Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. This is a parody- don't get offended.
Author's
Note: Yes I'm back with new chapters! I'm trying to make this a
little less juvenile, but I'm not sure I succeeded. I have so many
ideas floating around in my head, this story is bound to become even
longer. I'd like to make fun of some of the 40 most go-therest
moments, and of course the new episodes. This chapter parodies the
season premiere of Degrassi, so if you haven't seen it, there might
be a few spoilers though I changed most of what happened in this
episode.
Also might start editing past chapters, though I can't
guarantee anything.
The Ridiculously Stupid & Offensive Degrassi Parody
chapter eight - the bitch fight
Sean stepped into the doors of Degrassi high, taking in his surroundings with a nervous smile. It was nice to be back but he knew some people would be less than happy to see him here. He made his way to the office but was stopped when Ellie stepped in front of him, crossing her arms and frowning.
"Sean Cameron." She said his name like a curse, but Sean just shrugged his shoulders, daring to meet her penetrating gaze. Ellie glared at him angrily, bitterness evident in the depths of her dark brown eyes.
"Yeah, I'm back." He replied simply, shoving his hands into his pockets and hastily making his way past Ellie. He went into the office and got his new school schedule, and when he walked back out, Ellie was still standing there looking as mad as ever.
"We need to talk. I can't believe you just left like that. And now you're just coming back like nothing ever happened and treating me like we were never together. We were living together Sean. That's not nothing." Ellie's voice turned hysterical, and her eyes filled with tears.
"No, we don't need to talk. But you're going to make me anyway, just like you always tried to make me do everything else. I left because I needed some time to deal with everything that happened. You need to understand and respect that. Not everything is about you. I'm okay now, I've dealt with it. You and me, we're over. I realize it's hard for you to get over but I'm over it."
"Sean? Is that you?" Emma's eyes seemed to pop out of their sockets as she rushed towards Sean. Ellie let out an audible growl and lapdog Peter followed Emma, taking a place beside of her and possessively taking her hand.
"Wow, you completely abandoned the Eminem look. Your hair is um, interesting." Emma stifled a giggle. Sean looked so strange with long hair. It didn't look as good as Peter's hair- Peter's wonderful, wonderful hair. Sean pulled his hair back into a ponytail and it looked positively stupid.
"That your boyfriend? He's very pretty." Sean cracked, staring at Peter in disbelief. He had such perfect jawbones and he would have made the perfect girl.
"Oh no you di'int." Peter stepped forward, snapping his fingers.
"Yes I did." Sean snarled, reaching forward and slapping Peter in the face. Peter looked appalled and he lunged for Sean, tackling him and pulling his hair. Sean let out a cry, kicking Peter out of desperation. Before either of them could do anything else, they were pulled apart by Emma and Ellie.
"We'll settle this after school." Sean assured, spitting on Peter's shoes before he made his way down the hall and to his first class. He was a few minutes late, like that was anything new to him. A crooked grin formed on his face when he thought of how exactly he was going to put pretty boy in his place.
It wasn't until lunch that Emma got to see Sean again. She was sitting with Peter, but couldn't help but watch Sean out of the corner of her eye. Sure his hair looked kind of stupid but he'd been working out and his arms were amazing. Emma had to hold back to keep from drooling. She wrenched herself from Peter's grasp, muttering an excuse to him before running off towards Sean. What was she doing?
"Emma, hey." Sean greeted, barely looking up from the car manual in his hands. He clicked his tongue, scanning the writing in front of him. Emma rolled her eyes, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him into the janitor's closet. Before Sean could say anything, Emma was running her hands up and down his body.
"You're so hot." Emma gasped as Sean kissed her neck, and she pulled him closer. She heard Peter's voice nearby and she froze, pushing Sean behind the mops hanging from the top of the closet.
"Wait a few minutes before you leave." She ordered, fixing her hair and nonchalantly walking out of the janitor's closet. Peter gave her a funny look when he realized where she'd come from.
"What were you doing in the janitor's closet?" He asked with a puzzled expression.
"Oh I lost my lip gloss. Thought it might be in there." Emma answered, walking away and leaving Peter just as confused as he had been. Why would her lip gloss be in the janitor's closet?
"Emma, wait!" Peter followed her, spinning
her around to meet his gaze. "Why would your lip gloss be in
there?"
"The janitor leads a secret double life,"
Emma lowered her voice. "He likes to put on makeup and go to
drag shows." Peter held in his laughter as Emma told him this,
and he stared at the janitor in disbelief as he passed. No way. The
janitor was a drag queen?
"Sorry I asked." Peter mumbled, grabbing his backpack and heading to class.
The rest of the day went by quickly and Peter & Sean met to discuss their "fight". They settled on a drag race for that night, and went home to practice. When it was finally time, Peter was beyond nervous. His car was new and he hadn't had much experience with it yet. He hoped he could beat Sean- then he'd prove he was just as manly as he was. Meanwhile, Sean was installing his new nitrous oxide tank that Jay gave him. It would give him the extra edge he needed to whoop Peter's ass. He laughed out loud. Sure, it might have been unfair but they hadn't set any rules and he could do whatever he wanted to win.
But everything didn't turn out the way it should have. Sean was winning the race, and he stuck his head out of the window to tell Peter how much he sucked when he heard a loud thump. Sean skidded to a stop, jumping out of his car and staring in fear at the crumpled heap in front of his car. His gaze shifted to the front of his car, which had a few dents in it. Great.
"My car!" He shouted, dropping to his knees.
"What was that, Cameron?" Jay appeared beside his friend and looked down to see the body. He gasped, his eyes widening in surprise. "You ran over..." He bent down, moving the person so he could see their face. It was Heather Sinclair. Jay bit his lip, standing again and surveying the scene. Peter came beside of them and he screamed when he saw Heather lying there. It was obvious she was dead.
"No one saw anything. If we all leave then nothing will happen to us. Let's just call an ambulance and go." Jay suggested. So that's what they did. Sean went home that night and was worried the police would somehow find out it was him. Pushing all his thoughts away, Sean went to bed. When he woke up the next morning, he felt weird. He made his way to the bathroom and after glancing in the mirror, let out a shriek. His eyebrows...were gone. Peter had done this. He was mad because Sean had cheated. It had to have been Peter.
Sean
grabbed his cell phone, angrily dialing Emma's number.
"I am
going to kill your fucking boyfriend." He threatened, voice
filled with rage.
"What are you talking about?" Emma truly didn't know what was going on.
"I...would rather not say. He came here last night and did something to me." Sean said slowly.
"What
do you mean, something? How do you know it was him?" Emma asked
rationally.
"It just was, okay?" Sean answered
defensively into the phone.
"You have to turn yourself in." Emma urged him, in that typical way of hers. Sean tightened his grip on the phone. She hadn't changed one bit.
"I
didn't do anything." Sean denied having anything to do with the
hit and run.
"Peter told me what happened." Emma argued,
her voice rising.
"Do you still love me?" His last desperate attempt to get her back.
"Of course not. Sean, we've been over forever. I'm sorry for leading you on but I'm with Peter now. That thing in the janitor's closet...that was a whim. A stupid whim. Nothing's gonna happen between us anymore."
Peter stood in the doorway of Emma's room, a look of shock on his face. He caught the tail-end of Emma's conversation, and was glad he did. She'd cheated on him with Sean? What the hell was that about? Peter wished he had done something more to the boy last night, something more drastic than shaving off Sean's gigantic caterpillar eyebrows. Right. He had to kill him. Only question was how...
"Emma, you're a whore!" Peter yelled out, tackling Emma and knocking her onto the floor. She let out a scream, but he muffled it with a pillow, suffocating her and picking up the phone from her hand. "You're next."
Sean hung up the phone, going pale-faced. Yep. He was going to turn himself in now. Better that than being murdered by a pretty boy who pulls hair, 'cause he sure had a lot of hair available for pulling.
