Michelangelo stood at the edge of the rooftop, balanced precariously between the whipping winds of a plummet destined for the asphalt and the whispering breeze dancing gently over his shoulders as they did now. Just a few minutes ago, he had fallen, somehow oblivious to the limitations of Earth's gravity as he used neither of his hands to hold himself up while simultaneously proclaiming his obvious genius.

While the last minute capture of a power source for Donnie (as well as the subsequent destruction of a high-priority Kraang base) had certainly been a credible feat, it wasn't anything to shatter one's shell over.

So, as his youngest brother stood on the edge of the building, shell facing towards the group, Raph couldn't stop himself from grabbing the lip of Mikey's carapace and dragging him away. "C'mon, genius," he muttered, rolling his eyes. He felt Mikey let himself be pulled away, and chalked it up to exhaustion.


After sending Leatherhead their farewells, the turtles began making their way home on foot. Leading the group was Leo, who was flanked by a babbling Donnie, questioning this and that.

"Leatherhead was only in Dimension X for a few months, and according to Mikey, the days in Dimension X are a few hours ahead of ours. If that's the case, I just don't understand why Leatherhead looks so much… older," Donnie rambled listlessly. Raph rolled his eyes. He was honestly too exhausted to care about temperature differences, or whatever Donnie had called it. Temporal? Tempura? He shook his head. It didn't matter, because now they were back on Earth breathing regular air in regular time and that was good enough for him.

Mikey, who was typically faster than all of them, lagged behind silently. Raph chalked that up to exhaustion, despite his concern for this sudden change in behavior. When they finally arrived to the lair, Raph made his way to his room and promptly fell asleep, ignoring everything around him.


"Ugh," Raph groaned as he stretched, trying to pull himself out of bed. He fixed his gear on and yawned before he made his way to the kitchen. The red-clad turtle had slept pretty well, despite the occasional thump from Michelangelo's bedroom. He had told himself that his baby brother was reading some comic he got too invested in, or something stupid like that.

He walked out of the hallway and into the kitchen, a clock on the wall next to him telling him it was 6:26 in the morning; he was surprised that he was awake a good 4 minutes before Leo and Donnie usually were. He made his way to the fridge for his usual glass of orange juice before he stopped. Since Raph's brain was on "morning mode," he hadn't processed until he had passed by that there was someone else in the kitchen. He turned, expecting it to be Master Splinter or maybe Leo. He could expect one of them, maybe. Even Donnie wouldn't be that surprising, sometimes awake early to catch a full mug of coffee.

What he had not, expected to see, however, was his youngest brother sitting quietly at the table, staring blankly down into a glass of water. Okay, that's weird, Raph thought, narrowing his eyes. Had Mikey not even noticed him enter?

Raph pulled put a chair at the table and sat down, scooting it in loudly. Mikey hadn't broken eye contact with his seemingly interesting glass of water. Raph cleared his throat, and Mikey nearly jumped out of his skin.

The orange-banded turtle turned his head at him, and Raph frowned as he took in the tired details of his brother's face. He looked strangely gaunt for a guy that ate so much, and the bags under his eyes accentuated how exhausted he looked. "Mornin', sleepyhead," Raph greeted, feeling slightly awkward.

Mikey blinked at him before giving him a once-over like he had never seen him before or something. "Good morning," he responded, and an odd inflection bled into his voice. Before Raph could say anything, Leo and Donnie burst in at about the same time, and everyone simply began eating their respective breakfasts.


Raph kept an eye on Mikey. He'd barely eaten anything, he looked exhausted, he flinched at everyone's touch, and during training, his eyes'd flicker white like he was in a real fight or something. Since returning from Dimension X about four days ago, he'd been quieter, and strangely on edge.

The weird thing was, he still smiled and joked and laughed and teased and did silly things like that. He acted very normal. Weirdly normal. Raph found it off-putting, but he didn't have enough evidence to say anything. Those moments of silence or alarm or harshness were fleeting, and Raph was honestly surprised he'd been able to pick up on them at all. As the days went on, the moments seemed to get fewer and farther between, like he was readjusting to his environment—readapting.

Raph decided, against his better judgment, that it was fine and Dimension X had probably just had an adverse effect on Mikey's mood. Probably.

Before Raph could ponder on it, Donnie rushed into the living room, waving his arms and calling for everyone to enter the lab.

The other three did as told, and they gathered around Donnie, who powered on his laptop hastily. "Okay, I just got a notification from my T-Phone that there's suspicious activity at the docks, and by the looks of it, it's not good." Leo leaned forward further at Donnie's explanation. "What is it, chief?" Mikey piped up from behind him. Raph jumped at his overly loud voice. He turned to scowl at Mikey, who chuckled nervously.

"It almost looks like Kraang droids in disguise," Leo commented thoughtfully, ignoring his brothers in the warm-colored bandanas. Raph scoffed, and Mikey went quiet. "I think you're right, Leo. It looks like they're preparing for more company," Donnie replied, leaning close to the screen.

However, Raph found it hard to not look at Mikey. At the mention of the Kraang, he had frozen up, and his face looked drained. Distantly, Donnie and Leo planned and schemed between themselves, and Raph rapped his fingers on the back of Donnie's chair. It was all he could do to avoid glancing at the turtle in orange.

The four found themselves atop a building, overlooking the Kraang interactions. Raph didn't understand a lot of what they said—their talking was so tedious and hard to listen to—but he did understand the words "invasion" and "revenge." From what he gathered from Donnie, the Kraang were looking for Mikey to inflict their revenge upon him for their recent setback. Raph didn't need to look at Mikey to know that that had made his stomach drop.

The turtles attacked at a moment when they found the Kraang most vulnerable, and started to fight off droids to let Donnie through. The tallest turtle made his way through the crowd, hitting a bot every few moments, and set on disarming the transportation technology. The others continued to fight. At one point, Raph noticed Mikey go still and let a droid slip past him. Before the red-banded turtle could speak, Mikey swung a very delayed and clumsy hit, almost snagging Raph with the butt end of his nunchaku. "Mikey! What the hell are you doing?"

Mikey stared at him for a moment, then went to respond as a Kraang barreled into Raph. Leo pushed the Kraang off, and Mikey went to help Raph up, but his hand was swatted away. What was Mikey thinking?

"I don't need your help, Mikey! Not if you're just gonna keep screwing up!" Raph ignored the disparaged look on his baby brother's face and continued to fight droids.

Finally, Donnie had successfully disarmed the foreign tech, and joined in helping take down the last of the remaining Kraang.

Raph watched Donnie look over all of them as he examined their injuries. "Raph, it looks like you've got a bit of bruising, but nothing crazy. You can ice it when you get home, which might help." Raph frowned at Donnie's analysis. "No thanks to Master Maladroit over here," he grumbled back. He ignored how Mikey crumpled under his scrutinizing criticism. Leo put a hand on Mikey's shoulder. "Hey, we all make mistakes. How about we call it a night and head home?"

As the boys made their way back home from a triumphant mission, Mikey suddenly spoke up. "Hey, I know we're close to home… 'n all… but I think I need some fresh air." His words were choppy, but they sounded very intentional, like he had been waiting to ask. "Uh, is everything okay?" Leo asked hesitantly. "You never ask to be topside alone after a mission," Donnie added. Mikey's gaze shot away before quickly returning and he rubbed his arm anxiously. "Yeah, everything's fine. I jus' want some fresh air. Gimme, like, thirty minutes. I'll be back by then."

Donnie glanced at Raph, and then at Leo, who nodded. "Fine. Call if anything happens," Leo stated.

Mikey's mouth curled into a straight thin line before he hopped away, up to the rooftops.

Leo turned to look at his immediate younger brother. "Raph, check on him." "What? Why me?" "Because I don't trust him on his own and you were kind of an ass to him. At least apologize or something." Raph sighed, knowing Leo was right. His gaze followed Donnie and Leo as they walked off before he made his way topside.

He hopped up, landing on the rooftop of the building next to Mikey's. Mikey, true to his word, was just sitting there, taking in the night. Raph quickly flew to that rooftop, stalking behind an electrical box to observe his brother.

Mikey gazed upon New York as if he was seeing everything for the first time. He had a beleaguered look on his face, tired enough to rival Leo's. Raph watched him pick up his phone and press a few buttons before he set it back down and let music play from it.

I cry at the start of every movie

I guess 'cause I wish I was making things too

But I'm working for the knife

I used to think I would tell stories

But nobody cared for the stories I had about

No good guys

Mikey was swinging his legs and humming to the song. Something about him looked so, so exhausted. As the next verse came on, Mikey pulled his legs up and let one knee sit near his face, resting his elbow on it and propping his head up.

I always knew the world moves on

I just didn't know it would go without me

I start the day high and it ends so low

'Cause I'm working for the knife

Raph stepped out from behind the box and saw Mikey pick up his phone to pause his music. Damn it, he'd been noticed. Mikey didn't turn to look at him yet, though.

"Hi," he spoke softly, voice dancing on the wind. Raph hadn't prepared for that. "Hey," he responded lamely, "sorry for, uh, blowin' up at ya. You're not a screw-up or anything, I was just… I was frustrated." Raph scratched the back of his head awkwardly and saw Mikey's shoulders slump. "I know."

If he knows that, then why's he bein' all mopey? Raph thought. The two shared silent company for a while, gazing at the skyline.

The red-clad turtle looked at his little brother during this tranquil moment. His random scratches on his shell, weird scars he had never noticed, and other things started to stand out more than ever. He finally slinked over, maneuvering himself in a way that would let him sit next to his brother. "Hey, kid," he said, breaking the silence. He looked into his little brother's eyes, which were cold and weary and that icy cornflower blue seemed to strike him in the heart and there were so many things that didn't sit right.

Raph looked off into the distance before he spoke. "How long were you really there?"

He felt Mikey's fleeting confusion and emerging realization ebb off.

"In Dimension X." the older turtle added.

Mikey looked at him with a calculating gaze, then looked away. His shoulders began to tremble, and he slowly turned his head towards the city again. "Too long," he muttered, and a thin film of liquid gathered on his eyes. His voice was so soft and fragile, like he had aged a hundred years in that moment. Raph had no idea what to say, so he put his arm around his brother and pulled him towards himself. Mikey simply laid his head on Raph's shoulder.

The older turtle, seeing tears slip away from his brother's eyes, found the ability to speak, if only two words.

"I'm sorry."

The two had returned to the lair later, with Raphael carrying a sleeping Michelangelo on his back. Leo had rushed over to berate him for how late he had been out and how he hadn't called or anything, but backed off when he saw Mikey's poor state.

Raph felt the gazes of both Donnie and Leo pierce his back as he carried his littlest brother to his bedroom. He tucked the blanket around Mikey, before settling onto the bed next to him. Mikey curled into him quickly, and he found himself falling asleep as well.


Thump.

Thud.

Crash.

These are the sounds that awoke Raphael. He lifted his head wearily, hoping to find the source of the noise, when he saw that Mikey's blankets were strewn about his bed messily and Mikey was nowhere to be seen. From Raph's point of view, at least. He rolled over onto his back into the empty space Mikey had left on the bed. He sat up and looked around, rubbing his eyes. "Mike?" he asked softly into the darkness.

He looked around, hoping for a sign, and suddenly picked up on an odd rattling sound next to the bed. Raph looked over the edge of the mattress to find Mikey sitting in the corner, pathetically curling in on himself.

Quietly, Raph swung his legs over the side of the bed and sunk down next to his brother. Jesus, he looks terrible, Raph's mind supplied. Mikey had his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them tight. He was pressed into the corner as far back as he could go, and he was trembling all over.

"Mikey?" Raph hesitated, reaching out to rest a hand on Mikey's arm. He was surprised as Mikey violently jerked back like he had been struck, and his terrified eyes shot open. His pupils were dilated so small that Raph was hardly sure they were even there, and the red rim around the whites of Mikey's eyes made Raph's heart break.

"D… don't touch m-me… don't… s… stay away from me…" Mikey's wobbly voice made itself known. "Wh… Mikey, what's goin' on?" Mikey grasped his chest frantically as Raph spoke. "H… hurts… hurts… p-please, I… please let m' go, I-I can't…"

His voice was so desperate and soft and heart-achingly small. Raph quietly scooted until he sat perfectly in front of his youngest brother, and began to speak in gentle tones.

"Mikey, I don't know what's goin' on in that head'a yours, but you gotta calm down."

Mikey didn't seem to even recognize his voice. Raph went to lay a hand on Mikey's arm again, and once more, Mikey shot away. "S-stay away! S… stay 'way from me!" Mikey bumped his shell on his dresser, and his legs kicked pathetically as he practically scrabbled away.

Another set—no, sets—of footprints came running. "What's going on?" "Is everything okay?"

Donnie and Leo. Thank god, because Raph had no idea what to do.

"I'unno, he just started freakin' out, and he won't let me touch him or anything. He's actin' like I'll hurt him," Raph explained, nearly cringing at the helplessness in his voice.

Leo and Donnie made their ways over, kneeling down to sit next to Raph. "Wouldn't be the first time," Leo mumbled. Raph promptly smacked him upside the head.

"Hush, you two. It looks like the symptoms of a severe panic attack, if I'm reading his body language correctly," Donnie diagnosed quietly.

"A panic attack? Why? Kid's got nothin' to panic about. Plus, if anyone 'round here's got anxiety, it's you, Don," Raph argued. He didn't want to believe that yet another one of his brothers was struggling. He didn't think he could handle it.

"Mm, well. It sure seems like it. Anyone can have a panic attack. Unless you wanna diagnose him with 'sudden freak out disorder' or something," Donnie spat, cynicism lining his voice. "Guys, chill. Bickering will not help," Leo soothed. Raph rolled his eyes, but remained silent. Donnie turned to him. "Raph, do you know of anything that could have triggered this?" When Donnie questioned him, he gestured at his pale brother who was hyperventilating loudly. He shrugged, uncertain. "Honestly, I don't know. He did look freaked when we fought the Kraang, and when I checked on him last night, he kind of…" Raph rolled his hands in a gesture to show he was looking for a word, "what's the word for when you kind of say something without saying it? Like, you don't say it but it's obvious what you mean?" He looked to Donnie. "Imply?" Donnie frowned, unsure if that was the word. "Yeah, that's it. He implied that he was in Dimension X for… longer than he let on."

Both Donnie and Leo lost a little color in their faces. "Oh, jeez," Leo groaned, rubbing his head thoughtfully. "Well, we can ask him about it later. For now, we need to let him know that he's safe and that nothing's going to hurt him, since panic attacks send the body into a fight or flight as a sort of 'false alarm,' despite it seeming very real."

Raph nodded, looking back at Mikey. He was holding his chest with both of his arms, moaning in pain. He gently rocked himself back and forth, and Raph caught, under the sliver of low light within the room, a glimpse of the sheen of sweat over Mikey's limbs. "Hey, Mikey," he started gently, making sure not to touch the brother in question. "It's, uh, it's just me, Raph. You're okay, little man. Everything is okay."

When that didn't work, Raph's frustration grew, and he brought his arms up furiously, crossing them across his chest. In doing so, he accidentally brushed his phone, and got an idea. "What are you doing?" Leo inquired from behind him. "Shh, I think I've got an idea," Raph spoke in a hushed voice. He flicked through his phone, and set it down to let the music play out.

He had chosen the same song Mikey had been playing earlier on the rooftop. Slowly, Mikey released the tight grip he had on himself and gently pried his eyes open. His breathing evened out, and he closed his eyes to listen, as opposed to how he had squeezed them shut previously. His pupils dilated to normal size, and his skin began regaining color.

"Mike…?" Raph whispered, afraid of startling his brother. Mikey made eye contact with him, eyes not shooting wildly around the room. His face was evidently damp, and his eyes had become swollen. "Hey, hey, it's alright," Raph soothed gently. Mikey slowly unfurled his body and inched towards his brother in red, who gladly accepted him into his arms. "Raph…?" Mikey spoke, sounding slightly less detached than before. "Y… you're here… it- you really…" Mikey breathed into Raph's neck, gently bringing his arms around him. "You… you came f'r me…" he mumbled.

Raph looked at Donnie and Leo, who were just as confused as he was, if not more. "Buddy, you didn't go anywhere," he cooed, stroking Mikey's head with one hand. "B-but… Dimension X… I-I was… I was there, I… X… I was…" Mikey gently pulled away slightly and observed his surroundings. "But… but… it was… I- the Kraang… I was so alone, they- I was there for so long, I can't be here," he stuttered, reasoning with himself. Donnie placed a gentle hand on Mikey's shoulder, giving him an understanding look. "How long, Mike?"

The question sounded more like a statement. Mikey stared blankly at the lip of Raph's plastron, considering his answer. He was still for so long that Raph almost shook him, afraid he'd fallen asleep.

Mikey sighed. In a tiny, delicate voice, he responded, "… twenty-two months."

Raph, Donnie, and Leo all shared an appalled look. "Mikey, that's almost two years…" Leo whispered. The youngest turtle frowned, drawing in on himself and nestling into Raph, wrapped his arms around his back. "What happened to you in there?" Donnie asked, hesitant.

Slowly, Mikey began to explain all of his experiences and injuries in Dimension X, talking so long that the turtles found themselves awake at five in the morning. Leo spoke with Master Splinter, who caved in to give them the day off, and the turtles huddled onto Mikey's bed as the youngest fell into his first nightmare-less slumber since before Dimension X. Donnie and Leo were quick to follow. Raph, satisfied with the returning normalcy, fell into unconsciousness as well, content for the first time in a long time.


I used to think I'd be done by twenty

Now at twenty-nine, the road ahead appears the same

Though maybe at thirty, I'll see a way to change

That I'm living for the knife

I always thought the choice was mine

And I was right, but I just chose wrong

I start the day lying and end with the truth

That I'm dying for the knife