Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, added to alerts and favoruites.

All mistakes made are mine and mine alone.


XXX


Chapter 6:-

Cold licked at her skin, gnawed at her bones and seeped into her soul, leaving her a quivering messy pile of mushy numbness.

She was exhausted.

Soul weary, bone achy, limb heavy exhausted.

Her back ached from how long she had held her muscles tense for.

She had a lump stuck in her throat that she couldn't entirely shift and Holly was doubtful that her voice would even work even if she wanted to speak.

She didn't.

She didn't want to talk or think.

Yet despite not wanting to Holly was hyperaware of her surroundings, of the bright lights, hanging overhead, of the twangy scent of blood that filled her nose, and metal of the lift.

But at the same time, it was as though she was looking through fogged glass, she could see, but she wasn't really seeing the here and now.

Instead, she was lost in her memories.

Holly squeezed her eyes shut.

Her heart pounded against her chest, and her hands were shaking.

She couldn't get them to stop.

Even the one that was gripped tight in Bucky's hand.

It was only for the scorching heat of Bucky's hand as he gently guided her through the hallways of the tower that kept her moving.

Kept her upright.

Holly was sure that if he let go, she would crumple in a heap on the floor like the pathetic fool that she was.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

How could she have lost control like that?

Weak.

Worthless.

Failure.

The words spun around and around in her head like a merry go round that Holly wasn't able to get off. No matter how hard she tried, she was stuck, rooted in the centre while everything spun around her.

Her stomach churned and flipped and...She was dangerously close to losing what little food she had eaten; she could taste the bitter bile on her tongue.

Don't be sick.

Don't think about it.

It was fucking unacceptable.

How could she fucking lose control like that? Forgetting where she was as hands gripped tightly around her, pulling her into memories she was desperately trying to push away, to forget about.

She was supposed to be stronger than that.

She couldn't afford to be weak...ever again.

"Holly."

Holly blinked in surprise as she looked up at Bucky. His blue eyes staring down at her intensely.

His eyebrows crinkled together, and he leaned a little closer to her.

Holly swallowed slowly.

"I'm fine."

She reached for her Occlumency shields, the icy shroud of ice and darkness and wrapped it around her mind like a blanket.

Even though she was finding it difficult to focus on anything shielding was like second nature to her now.

The memories firmly locked away.

She was in control.

She was fine.

She was fine.

Holly straightened herself, refusing to cower for a second longer than she had already had been.

She was a Potter, and that meant something.

Bucky glanced at her, his blue eyes darkened as an eyebrow lifted, and his head tilted.

Yeah, it hadn't been convincing enough, and she knew it.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for Holly. We all have our demons, we all have our scars," Bucky said, his eyes moved to her forehead, trailed down to her neck, to her shoulder. His eyes narrowed, and a sharp piercing twinge struck her heart.

Holly swallowed the lump in her throat, as Bucky continued cataloguing her scars. His eyes hardening with every single one he traced, cold fury stinging along her skin as he grew stiller with every breath he took.

Until they traced over the words carved into her hand that was in his.

Holly pulled her hand back and crossed her arms while throwing him a look of indifference.

Holly wasn't going let it show that she felt more exposed and vulnerable right now than she had in a while. Holly knew it wasn't Bucky's fault, but she didn't need his anger on her behalf.

She wasn't worth that.

He continued, "Some of them are on the inside, rather than the outside."

"They say the ones that make you bleed internally are the deadliest of them," Holly said softly, crossing her arms a little tighter to her chest.

Silence fell between them before Bucky broke it.

"How much do you know about me?"

Holly could see the empty hollowness in his eyes as he asked the question. Could hear the doubt in his voice and see the way he angled his body, so his left arm wasn't in her direct line of sight.

Holly softened her features and met his gaze with her own. Hoping that she was conveying that he didn't need to hide or be ashamed of his past. She wasn't going to judge him.

"I know who they say you are," she said slowly, choosing her words carefully as she offered a small smile of acceptance. "I am only just starting to get to know Bucky Barnes, and that is the only you that is important. Everything else, everything the media twist...it's just white noise."

He gave her a forced smile.

"I have nightmares. Both waking and asleep. Flashes, memories of what I have done...the people I have killed."

His whole body tensed. His eyes closed as if waiting for her to recoil in disgust and not wanting to witness it.

Anger surged through her, icy and biting like a snowstorm and unforgiving to any that would cross her path should she give it an inch to explode forward.

Hydra had so much to answer for. For what they did to her, but most especially for what they did to Bucky and the children they were taking.

"That wasn't your fault. What happened to you was wrong on so many fucking levels, and they fucking deserve to burn in hell for it," Holly said.

"I killed them. I pulled the trigger. I plunged the knife into their hearts, snapped their necks. Hydra created a weapon. An Asset. A Soldier. And it's still a part of me, just waiting beneath the surface, waiting for a moment of control to slip...the nightmares, they make me lose control," Bucky breathed, "They made me into a monster."

His eyes were ice cold when they meet hers, and Holly was hyperaware of the tension in the air shifting slightly. Yesterday, and this morning, Bucky had been holding something back, trying to appear smaller and less dangerous than he was. That something had bled through a little in the gym, and it was flowing through now.

He was filling the room like he had that day when they had first met with the contracts, a predator prowling in a cage with thin breakable bars.

Yet Holly couldn't find it in herself to be afraid. Because while Bucky Barnes was a predator, he wasn't a monster. A monster wouldn't have helped her through her panic attack, wouldn't have had the patience to do so, would have seen the weakness and ripped her to shreds. A monster wouldn't have opened himself up here and now, to try and make her know that he knew what it was like living with demons, even if neither of them knew the names to those demons.

Holly reached out to touch him without thinking, and paused, his eyes tracking the movement, silence had fallen over them, both painfully aware that her hand was hovering in the air.

She looked at him, silently asking for permission, he looked at her, and a flicker of something breezed across her skin.

Holly took that as permission.

She touched his arm and gave a gentle squeeze.

"Our choices show us what we truly are," Holly said softly. Recalling Dumbledore's words to her from so long ago, when she had started seeing the similarities between Voldemort and herself. It was one of the few pieces of advice from the old headmaster that she still clung to. Because it was so damn important.

"We all have the capability inside of us to do monstrous things," Holly continued, as she looked up to meet Bucky's gaze. "The monsters are those who have the choice and still chose to do those monstrous things, for their own needs, their own fulfilment, and pleasure. Monsters prey on others; they feed and abuse others for so many different reasons but usually because they want to. Because they enjoy it, and the power it brings them."

Holly gnawed at her bottom lip. Bucky's eyes burned intensely as he looked at her, she swallowed the sigh of frustration that was threatening to escape. Holly understood self-loathing, understood the feeling of hopelessness and the desire for things you weren't sure you fully deserved.

Bucky was running just like her from a part of him he hated, despised and considered unworthy.

She searched for the right words, the all important words that would sing truth to him. Because it was a truth, a truth that sung in her blood.

"Hydra is the monster. Hydra took away your choices, stripped you of your identity. You didn't have the ability to stop them, nobody would have. They took everything from you Bucky and that wasn't your fault."

She looked at Bucky for a long time, letting everything show in her eyes as she continued softly, "I know monsters intimately. I met evil when I was just a child, believe me when I say this; you are not a monster Bucky. You were never a monster, even when you couldn't remember who you were."

Bucky was still.

His eyes were hollow and full of pain. Holly could see it, bleeding through for a single heartbeat, before dark waves of cold anger crashed through them and pushed the vulnerability from sight.

She could almost taste it, at the back of her throat, it wasn't anger directed at her, or even at Hydra, but rather at what she had hinted at, what her words had implied.

Holly wished she could take it back, at least that part, the truth that she knew monsters intimately, that she met evil as a child.

She didn't need the Avengers to look any more closely at her than they already were.

She couldn't afford to slip up any further.

Yet Bucky had shared a part of himself. A part of himself that filled him with pain, to try and show her that it was okay to fall apart, and she found herself doing the same because it pained her to hear Bucky refer to himself as a monster.

Bucky reached for her hand on his arm and took it in his own and squeezed.

Holly wetted her lips and swallowed slowly.

Neither of them was willing to break eye contact.

She could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She could feel the heat in Bucky's palm.

She should move away, she should say something...anything.

But she didn't.

They didn't.

Bucky seemed content in soaking in the silence with her.

Her hand in his.

An understanding had fallen between them that neither could ignore, and yet they didn't voice the questions that were spinning in the air.

The lift doors slid open with a quiet hiss, and they both looked away from the other. Bucky led her out, her hand still tucked in his and Holly wasn't sure why it felt comforting.

Maybe it was down to the fact he hadn't pressured her into talking about what had happened but instead had offered a part of himself up to her.

"Thank you," she said because she understood the weight of his words in a way she wasn't sure he realised.

"Thank you for not asking, for helping, for talking -," Holly trailed off, unsure what to say.

Bucky gave her a long look, "I wanted you to know. You needed to know. All things considered."

"You don't owe me anything, you know. The marks -" Holly paused, shaking her head. "The marks don't mean you owe me an explanation. You and Steve don't owe me anything."

And they really didn't.

The last thing Holly wanted was them to feel obligated to her. She didn't deserve anything, she didn't deserve to come in and ruin what they had.

And that was what she did best, ruin things she touched. Bucky wasn't the monster, she was. A freak, an abomination. Devastating everything she touched.

She was tainted goods, and she would only infect them.

"I know the marks aren't about owing each other things. Relationships, in general, shouldn't be about owing each other things or keeping a tally, not if they want to work."

"I've never been very good with relationships, of any kind," Holly admitted. Even with Hermione and Ron it was a struggle to fully open up and they knew her best.

The Dursleys had left their own marks on her, ingrained into her from an early age that she owed the world a great deal for the barest of things. For scraps at the table, for crumbs of affection that came few and far between.

Even now, years later, Holly couldn't shake those lessons.

Bucky looked at her, "I'm not very good at them now. But I would like to get to know you."

"I'm not that interesting."

He gave her a slight smile before looking to the side, "Only the interesting people claim to be uninteresting."

"I damage everything I touch."

"I'm already damaged," he countered.

"No, you aren't," Holly said softly.

"It's a nice thought, but it doesn't change that I am." He smiled sadly.

Holly flicked her tongue over her lips before trailing off in a way that she hoped made sense.

"Scars whether they are physical, psychological or emotional are signs that you survived what tried to destroy you. Hydra hasn't won Bucky, because even though you may feel broken, damaged you are still strong." Holly paused, meeting his gaze with her own, and letting her walls down just a little, just enough to convey what she was trying to say.

"You are strong enough to survive, to hold yourself together and keep moving even though you feel like shattering. You're a survivor."

"Did you survive someone trying to destroy you?" He asked suddenly, the weight of his gaze pressing down on her.

Holly stiffened, before forcing herself to relax. She didn't think he was being nosy, but rather trying to get a reading on her. She wanted to deny that anybody had tried to destroy her, but she couldn't lie about it either. All she could do was give the easiest of answers.

"I'm still here," her lips twitched slightly. "I'm just saying don't let Hydra define you any more than what they have already stolen from you. You are the man who offered me his hand in friendship, despite having every reason to not to and that's the person I want to get to know. Not be blinded by others opinions of him, especially when they don't know him."

She blinked as she wetted her lips.

They both knew what that statement meant.

An offering.

Testing the ground to see if it would break, crumble beneath them. Both of them stating they would try, in their own way when neither were very good with others.

"There's not much to know. I'm still discovering myself."

"We can take it one day at a time."

They held each other's gazes a second longer before Bucky turned and looked behind her towards the lifts before glancing back down at her.

"Banner will be up in a moment, we need to get that nose looked at."

"I think it's stopped bleeding. And I am pretty sure it would hurt more if it were broken," Holly argued, feeling far more vulnerable than she liked. She wasn't sure she was quite ready to face Bruce.

He didn't comment, just led her to the luxury sofa and motioned for her to sit down.

"How about this, Banner looks at your nose, and I order us some lunch."

Holly tilted her head ever so slightly, as she looked at him. She knew what he was trying to do, a compromise, giving her a choice.

"Okay," Holly answered because logically, she had no room to argue. Not without raising even more questions and Holly had no doubt a few had arisen already after today. With a soft sigh she sat down on the sofa.

"What do you want?"

"Um, I'm not sure." She shrugged.

"Pizza."

"I've not actually had pizza since I've been here," Holly said.

"Now that's sacrilege!"

Holly laughed, wincing at the dull aching throb as she moved her jaw, reminding her that even though she said she was okay, it still hurt.

Bucky grimaced, "Sorry."

"Don't be, I should have dodged."

His eyes darkened.

"What do you want on your pizza?"

"Ham and pineapple."

Bucky twitched his lips ever so slightly.

"What?"

"Sam is going to hate that."

"He's not a fan of pineapple?"

"Not on a pizza."

"Doesn't know what he's missing."

His lips twitched again. Not quite a smile, but amusement was clear to see.

He moved away from her, phone in hand. Allowing Holly to sweep her gaze over the penthouse.

Besides the personal quarters, it was the only level that hadn't been included on her tour of the building.

The penthouse was vast; wide and open. Floor to ceiling glass windows covered three sides of the penthouse giving it as much natural light near the seated area, allowing two levels to overlook New York City. The city's skyline glistened in the sun, looking magical from this high up.

It gave an impression of a man in his high castle, though Holly supposed it was more standing watchful and observing from the Avengers point of view.

The kitchen lined the only supporting wall that Holly could see and had shinning grey worktops and modern white cupboards. An island with breakfast bar stools separated it from the rest of the living space. Stairs on either side of the kitchen led to a balcony styled landing that housed bookshelves before curving round to another set of stairs leading upwards.

There was a large dining room table, a well-stocked bar, a pool table and a large flat-screen TV that hung from the ceiling.

It was modern, stylish, and elegant. Yet Holly could see the personal stamps dotted around. Magazines, books left open on the marked page. A throw draped across a chair. Weapons in strategically placed locations from what she could see. Holly felt as if she was intruding.

This was not the party deck where outsiders gathered and rubbed shoulders with Tony Stark and the others.

This is where they lived.

Where they breathed and relaxed from preying eyes.

The lift hissed open, and Holly felt her entire body stiffen as Bruce stepped out with medical supplies.

He gave her an encouraging smile as he approached her, cautiously, and an overwhelming sense of shame filtered back through her.

Holly wanted to run, to fucking hide.

Her eyes followed him, searching for any sign that would indicate he would attack.

Breathe.

She just needed to breathe.

None of them had given her any indication they were going to hurt her.

If they did, screw her cover, she would make them bleed.

Bucky was by her side before Bruce was even in touching distance, whether he had felt her through the bonds, bonds she didn't want to think about but was painfully aware of how much stronger they were running between them.

He was standing close enough to her that she could feel the heat radiating off him.

His presence was comforting.

Careful.

She needed to be cautious.

It wouldn't do for her to ever forget that.

Even if she was willing to give an inch and try to be friends.


XXX


Bucky's eyes narrowed as he watched Holly and Banner.

She was good at hiding her discomfort, good at hiding any pain she might be feeling.

Except in the small details he was able to see.

She fidgeted.

It was a minuscule movement barely noticeable, a finger rapping against her thigh, as she otherwise held herself perfectly still.

He could hear her pulse racing beneath her skin, a shift in her breathing when Banner pressed against her cheek.

She stiffened every time Banner moved to touch her, and Bucky couldn't help but wonder whether she was used to physical contact that wasn't associated with pain.

She was holding herself taut; her eyes darting between the two of them.

Assessing the threat, the danger she was in, just as a cornered animal would.

He wasn't sure when her mindset had shifted to danger, and he reached for the bonds without thinking, and he was hit by a tangled ball of jittery energy. Bucky sent a soothing current of reassurance and security.

She wasn't in danger here. Not from them.

Not from him...not at the moment at least.

Her eyes jumped to him. Her gaze burning intensely and a sharp piercing pain kneaded him through the bonds. Energy tense and tight, and the image of sharp icy knives pointing straight at him flashed in his mind.

His eyes widened in surprise.

A challenge.

A warning.

Tread carefully.

The impending danger hanging heavily in the air between them. Bucky had never seen or had the impression through the bonds in such a manner before. Steve was emotions, tastes, communication as clear as day. Steve withdrew, closed the metaphysical door when he wanted privacy. They both did. Holly hadn't shut the connection off, hadn't withdrawn from him. He could still feel her through those threads, the energy like an electrical storm that he was standing in the middle of. But she had given him a warning. A warning not to push. It was different.

Bucky gave the slightest nod, message received loud and clear, and eased back from the bonds, giving her the metaphysical space she needed.

It was a fine line between being supportive and comforting through the bonds and the all-consuming overwhelming force they could be. Where you couldn't untangle where one began, and the other ended.

The bonds may be stronger between them now, and that couldn't be undone, and Bucky didn't regret it. Not when it had helped Holly when she needed it but using them was a personal invasion that could quickly turn into something far worse if abused, and that was a road Bucky had no intention of walking down. Even accidentally.

He and Steve trod carefully with the bonds when it came to each other, Bucky would need to do so even more so with Holly, especially since they didn't know each other that well.

She had every right to give him the warning.

Especially when her emotions were so turbulent.

She was protecting herself.

Bucky's mind raced over their conversation moments before, she had been offering him comfort, accepting his past without so much as a blink of an eye, and while he couldn't make heads or tails of her easy acceptance of him, especially when he didn't deserve it, he instead focused on her what she had said. What she hadn't said. What he had been able to determine from the silence in-between.

Admitting she wasn't good at relationships. Warning him that she damaged everything she touched. That she knew monsters intimately. That she had met evil as a child.

His eyes trailed over the scars once again, her workout gear showing more skin than she had allowed in the two days since she had started working with them.

The round sunburst on her right forearm, as if a spike had skewered her. A long line running down the length of her arm. What looked to be a set of slash marks on a shoulder, a bite on the left side of her neck that looked way too much like human teeth.

Lightning spirals down an arm, Bucky had no idea what would have caused that particular pattern. It was too neat, too precise for it to be a scar from a chemical. Knives were out of the question as well. Then there was the brand on her shoulder.

An ugly skull with a snake slithering out of its open mouth, twisting round. Seared onto her left shoulder, it almost covered it completely. That one was personal. He didn't know the details, but Bucky knew that. Bar those that still practised human branding as a rite of passage, or those who saw it as a form of body modification. Branding was a punishment or used to identify an enslaved person.

Somebody had wanted to punish Holly. To subjugate her in a way that she would never be able to forget. He ground his teeth together as ice surged through his veins. His muscles quivered, and he found himself tensing with every breath he took.

He wanted to hit something, to rip, and shred, and bathe in the blood and destruction of something.

The Soldier stirred.

Like a switch flicking in his brain, the monster that was born of blood, pain and death and thrived in the darkness opened its eyes.

Wild energy rippled through him.

Calculating eyes pushed to the surface.

Not now.

He couldn't lose control right now.

The Soldier's eyes moved downwards, there were other scars crisscrossed along her skin, other marks that signalled a violent past, but the one that his attention fixed on after the brand was the scratched words on her left hand, 'I must not tell lies,' each word to prominent to be anything but deliberate.

Somebody had carved those words into her flesh. Somewhere visible, somewhere she would see them every day and somewhere others would see them.

A lesson.

Something she would never be able to forget, just like the brand.

They couldn't help but wonder whether the person responsible was still alive, and knew that if they were and he found them, they wouldn't remain that way for long.

Bucky wasn't entirely sure which of them thought that particular thought, but he knew he wouldn't even feel guilty over the kill either.

He felt a nudge through the bonds. Steve asking if he was okay.

Bucky froze.

He clearly had projected that particular thought louder than he had intended. His eyes swept over to Holly, who was looking up at him, her green eyes asking the same question.

The Soldier snarled. Mine. Protect.

Holly reached for his hand wrapping hers around his, Bucky couldn't decide if it was too comfort him or herself, but the warmth that filled him eased the knotted ball inside of him.

Allowing him to swallow it, it was like consuming a writhing ball of snakes as he pushed back at that ever-present side of him.

The Soldier pushed back, hissing and showing teeth, back arched like an angry cat.

Bucky didn't back down from the challenge, he was looking into the abyss that was a part of his soul. A void he could never escape from that was living and breathing inside of him. Always switched on, lying in wait to strike at a moment's notice and take over.

He couldn't give an inch. Not for a second.

Except the Soldier didn't push again. There was a tense moment of stillness between the two of them before the Soldier eased slipping away from the surface and back to its slumber.

The Soldier had tested him, but usually there was more fight to it. More of a wrestle for control and dominance.

The tension eased. Bucky was still hyperaware of everything, but he wasn't holding himself ready for a fight.

I'm on my way, Steve urged.

Holly's eyes had never left him.

Bucky swallowed slowly.

I'm fine, he assured.

He knew it was pointless, though. Steve would still rush to his side; he did whenever he felt the Soldier stir.

He was usually better at registering when Steve was close by, often could feel him long before Steve entered the building.

He caught Holly's eyes, her pupils widened ever so slightly.

Had she heard that particular statement? Had she felt Steve through him?

He felt her pull away, pull away from the bonds and retreat behind closed doors and fortified walls.

That answered that question then.

He turned his attention to Banner as Banner was speaking to Holly.

"...but we will know for certain in the next couple of days. I will get you some ice to put on it for the next twenty minutes, and you will need to keep that up for the next day or so. It will help reduce the swelling."

"Yeah, okay," Holly hummed in agreement.

Banner moved away to the kitchen, disposing of his gloves as he did so.

Bucky looked down at Holly, who was actively looking everywhere but him. They needed to talk, properly talk, the three of them, but he doubted that was going to happen right now. Not if Steve was returning, it meant that Natasha would be with him as well, and Clint would be returning from the gym and Sam was due back any minute.

He hadn't thought this through.

She was about to get ambushed...again by them.

Holly pulled her hand out of his, "Steve's returned to the tower and on his way up?"

"Yeah, he won't be alone either. Natasha will be with him. I hadn't thought they would return so soon..." he rubbed a hand through his hair, "Sam is due back as well. I don't want to over face you with all of us at once."

"This is yours, their home. I will be fine Bucky, honestly."

"You and Steve -," he started, stopping suddenly, "you haven't even talked."

Holly opened her mouth to respond but fell silent when the elevator doors slid open and Steve, Natasha and Sam stepped off. Bucky could see her shoulders stiffen again ever so slightly before she forced herself to relax.

Steve froze, his gaze flickering between the two of them, frowning slightly. Natasha tilted her head curiously even Sam hesitated.

Banner paused for a second, before continuing towards Holly to hand her the ice pack and a thin cloth to wrap it around.

Bucky moved from Holly's side and made his way towards Steve.

The heated weight of Steve's gaze pressing down on him, the questions burning his skin.

"What happened? I thought I felt..." Steve stopped abruptly, his brow creasing as he watched him closely.

"I'm fine. Holly took a punch to the nose during training, needed to get it checked out," he answered.

"Medical?" Natasha asked eyebrows raised slightly.

Bucky lowered his voice ever so slightly, casting a glance back at Holly who was engaged in conversation with Banner, and not paying them the slightest bit of attention, or at least it appeared she wasn't.

"I took her there, but she had a panic attack."

"In medical?" Steve frowned as he glanced at Holly.

"Yeah."

"PTSD?" Sam asked, his eyes narrowing as he glanced over at Holly.

"Could be, but I can't say for certain if it was," Bucky said.

"And it was definitely in Medical?" Steve asked.

"She was fucking trembling as I lead her to it but seeing Banner approach her in a white coat, pushed her further," he answered.

"White coat syndrome?" Sam prompted.

"I don't think it's that simple," Bucky hesitated, darting another glance towards Holly. On the surface, she gave nothing away as she talked with Banner, but he was beginning to get the impression that Holly was good at hiding things.

"She has a lot of scars, Stevie. Fuck, scars that nobody should ever have. Half of them, I can't even work out what caused them, other than somebody has done them deliberately. There are words carved into her flesh on her left hand...and then there is the brand."

"Branding?" Natasha asked her voice a fraction colder than usual; her green eyes hardened as she crossed her arms, tilted her head to the side and turned to look at Holly.

"Yeah," he swallowed the bitter taste of bile and concentrated on breathing.

Steve's anger leaked through the bonds. It boiled beneath the surface, prickled along his skin as his friend tried to reel it in. His stomach churned with it, his own anger was like a frozen wasteland, reaching for the cold depths that lived within him. Steve had always been fire, had always been the raging inferno that stood up to any injustice he saw. Yet despite the hot anger, Steve was in control.

"We don't know the facts. We can't speculate. Sam, you are the best in judging how to approach this," Natasha said, shifting to look up at Steve.

"Cautiously. We haven't exactly given Holly a reason to open up and trust us, not with the contract, not with the awkward tension that is going on between the three of you," Sam answered, his gaze flickering between Steve and Bucky. "We can't push."

"I've ordered pizza. Enough for all of us, though I hadn't expected the two of you to be back so soon," Bucky said, looking at Steve.

He hadn't expected them to be back.

"Later," Steve grumbled, "We will discuss it all later."

Bucky could tell from Steve's tone, that something was bothering him.

He threw him a pointed look, "You okay punk?"

Steve gave him a tight smile, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Bucky wasn't sure if he believed him or not, but the tension in his shoulders eased a little, as he nodded in acknowledgement.

Steve didn't give anyone a chance to say anything further as he moved forward, taking off his jacket and hanging it over the back of a bar stool as he made his way towards the kitchen.

"Holly would you like a drink?" Steve asked.

Silence filled the room as they waited for the answer as if they were all holding their breath to see what would happen.

It was the first thing Steve had said to Holly, the first interaction with her. Bucky could see the uncertainty in her eyes as she flickered between the two of them before she answered.

"Can I just have water please."

And they breathed, almost collectively in sync with each other; Natasha moved to the breakfast bar and sat down, her positioning a clear statement that she was offering whatever support Steve needed from her.

Sam moved to the sofa and slid in the seat next to Banner, and for a moment, Bucky watched it all.

It was a start, not the greatest, but it was something, and since Steve had been actively avoiding her since the signing of the contracts it was something.

With a soft sigh, Bucky moved to the sofa.

It was a start, even if it raised a thousand questions.


XXX


Holly eyed the lift out of the corner of her eye.

Could she make it before anybody noticed?

Probably not.

Not with the way everyone was watching closely.

She was grateful for the ice-pack as it allowed her to keep her hands busy and stopped them fidgeting nervously.

Holly was pretty sure she preferred the heated intensity that had been radiating from Steve while she had been signing the contract.

Anything but - this awkwardness as they sat almost opposite each other, with Bucky on one side of her and Sam on the other, Bruce in a chair sipping his green tea and Romanoff watching her curiously.

She was a bug trapped in a jar.

Neither of them knew quite what to say to the other and instead had fallen into an awkward silence that was stretching to a painful point of no return.

Holly was an outsider.

Intruding in their personal space, and while Bucky had invited her and nobody had uttered a word of complaint, her presence had set them on edge.

She raised the ice-pack to her check, using the movement to risk a glance at Steve.

A deep look crossed his face, his jaw set tight, but the alertness in his eyes told her he saw everything.

He had uttered two sentences to her, six words in the first and three in the second.

She had responded in kind, six words followed by two.

Holly had never found silence uncomfortable before, but both of them were looking at the other when they thought the other wasn't looking; only they ended up catching each other's eyes more often resulting in them quickly looking away the moment their eyes connected.

It was getting ridiculous.

Except Holly was pretty sure, she had lost the ability to speak.

Holly pulled the ice-pack away from her nose, rested it on her lap and reached for the glass of water on the table.

She took a sip.

Pull yourself together.

That had sounded way too much like Hermione, and Holly felt a pang of longing. Merlin, she wished her friend was here now. Hermione would know what to do, would know exactly what to say to get Holly to actually open her mouth and speak.

Holly saw the wince cross Steve's face before he schooled his features to hide whatever he was feeling.

"Sorry," Holly grimaced, as she strengthened her shields and made sure nothing leaked through the bonds.

"You don't have to apologise, it takes a while to get used to exactly what leaks through," Steve answered.

"Hopefully the bare minimum," Holly answered with a small curve of her lips. "Otherwise you are going to start craving cookie dough ice-cream at really odd times."

Romanoff snorted ever so slightly, drawing Holly's attention to her, green eyes twinkling with slight amusement, Steve looked almost helpless, as if he wasn't entirely sure how to answer that statement.

Bucky it seemed took pity on him.

"Play nice Holly."

"I am."

Steve recovered, though his gaze darted between the two of them.

"You are fairly good at shielding already."

Thank you Occlumency and years of compartmentalising everything she was ever feeling or thinking.

Living with the Dursleys, it seemed had at least thrown up one good thing.

"I will work on it," she said.

Silence fell between them all again.

Until Sam, 'don't believe the lies Barnes has said about him', offered a different path to lead the conversation on.

Holly could have kissed him.

"How are you finding working here so far?"

"Interesting. I'm learning a lot more about medical professionals than I ever thought I would," she answered with a tight smile, "Plus I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a map to remember what is on each floor. This place is -"

"Huge," Sam supplied, "It took me a while to figure where everything was."

"Not really," Holly said, "I'm used to finding my way around huge places. My boarding school was in a castle and had more secret passageways than we could keep track of."

She took another sip of water, "It had dodgy steps you needed to avoid, and suits of armour that looked the same so you never could rely on them as markers to where anything was," Holly answered, "I was going to say there is just a lot to remember."

"You went to boarding school?" Steve asked.

Holly blinked in surprise, "Um, yeah. My parents went there and my dad's parents, and their parents. Kind of a family tradition."

"Where was the school?" Romanoff queried, her head tilting to the side.

"Scotland, though I never really worked out exactly where. Just that it was in the middle of the highlands by a lake and forest."

Caution.

"What was it like?" Sam asked smoothly, forcing her attention back on to him.

They were good at that. Holly had to give them points, but she knew interrogation techniques for what they were.

"Cold winters, beautiful summers," she answered quickly, giving the barest of information.

"What about your favourite subjects?"

Holly took another sip, how exactly was she going to answer that?

"I can't say I had a particular favourite. I enjoyed a lot of my lessons, though I can't say I was that academic. I did enjoy our Astronomy lessons though; they were interesting and looking at today's insight, more relevant than my eleven-year-old mind considered."

Astrology was close enough to allow her to get by with that particular answer.

Sam snorted, "They don't exactly prepare you for alien invasions when you are learning about the planets."

"Not really." Holly grimaced, "History was interesting though the Professor was a practically a ghost. He taught my parents and grandparents."

Holly took another sip, of her drink, thinking about Hogwarts made her realise how much she actually missed the Wizarding World, missed the beauty of being able to explore magic every day, of seeing the wonderful wonders it created.

"I guess Defence and sports were the things I was good at. But we ended up with a different Professor every year, so the standard of the lessons changed yearly."

"Different each year, surely that would have an impact on the grades of the students?" Banner frowned.

"We used to joke the position was cursed. The professors never lasted longer than a year. The first Professor I had died. Second-year took a blow to a head, which left him with some issues. The third-year Professor was amazing, but handed in his notice due to a medical condition," Holly answered, "Fourth-year while an actual great teacher, turned out his credentials were fake as shit, and he wasn't who he said he was. He also turned out to be a complete psycho."

"In what way?" Sam asked.

"Turned out he was a member of a terrorist organisation. Trying to recruit the offspring of old families with more money than sense," Holly grimaced, "Then fifth-year was an evil toad."

Holly rubbed her thumb over the words on her left hand absently, stopping when she noticed Steve and Bucky's eyes trailing the movement.

"And the sixth year was my old chemistry teacher, and we didn't exactly get along when he was teaching chemistry. I dropped out at the end of the year."

"At sixteen?" Steve asked, piercing her with a sharp look. Holly sensed Bucky stiffening at the side of her.

"Yeah," she replied, wetting her lips and pushing a smile across her lips.

"Why?" Bucky asked with a frown.

"Life throws you curveballs, mine ended up with me on the streets for a while, so returning for my final year was kind of out of the question," Holly answered with a shrug.

It was as close to the truth she could say other than uttering the words, 'I was on the run and had a bounty of my head and trying to survive and overthrow a government and destroy an evil wizard'.

The awkwardness was back again, with an added heat of anger brushing across her skin.

She wasn't going to try and work that one out.

"What about all of you, what did you like in school?" she asked, trying to divert the attention away from her and back onto safe subjects.

"I always knew I wanted to join the air force, so maths and science were where I focused my time and energy," Sam answered, "It was only after I joined that I realised where my calling was and completed my EMT certificate and the training I needed."

Holly looked at Sam, "Pararescue airman, right?"

"Yep," he beamed.

"And that's where you got your wings from?"

He smirked, "That's where the Falcon was born."

Holly smirked at him, "I have to say I did wonder."

Bucky snorted next to her.

"That's just cruel."

"Flying is pretty cool," Holly soothed. She would be the first up in the air if she had a choice.

Bucky groaned, "You had to say that."

"Shut up Barnes, at least someone appreciates me," Sam sniped.

"Knock it off you two," Steve said, stopping them in their tracks.

Holly had a feeling that was a regular thing he ended up having to say.

"What about you?" Holly asked him, turning to look at Steve.

She knew Bruce was all about the science. Romanoff seemed content not answering at all. But then if half of what she had read was true, Romanoff didn't precisely have an everyday learning experience.

"Art, I always loved art. I liked History and literature. We both enjoyed reading," Steve answered.

Holly glanced at Bucky, "I liked my science as well. I remember going to the Stark Expo before I was shipped out," Bucky said.

"Stark Expo?" Holly frowned.

"An exposition that brings minds together from around the world and combines them to try and develop new inventions to improve the quality of life for mankind and the world in the future," Banner answered, "Tony's dad started it, and Tony restarted it a few years ago."

"Howard promised a flying car in 43. Funny, I thought he would have actually achieved it, but here we are in the future flying cars still absent," Steve smiled fondly.

Holly couldn't help but remember her own experience with a flying car. All it had taken was a little bit of magic, and Arthur Weasley had achieved something that muggles appeared to have wanted to succeed over seventy years ago.

Granted the magic had given the Ford a life of its own, but it had saved both hers and Ron's life in their second year.

"I think a lot of people were disappointed at the turn of the 21st century. A lot of predictions of what the world would look like, most of them involved a flying car in one aspect."

The lift doors slid open once again, and the smell of pizza wafted through the penthouse.

"You better have ordered a meat feast," Barton chimed as he stepped off carrying several large boxes of pizza.

"I ordered two," Bucky countered, "along with the vegetarian, pepperoni and chilli, sweet chilli chicken and two ham and pineapples."

"Oh god, there's two of you!" Sam moaned.

"Better than anchovy pizza," Bucky stated.

"No man, I'm telling you, the only good pizza topping is a meat topping. Nothing else."

"I take it this is an argument the two of you have had before?" Holly asked in amusement.

"One of many," Bucky answered.

The six of them moved from the chairs and sofa and made their way to the dining room table joining Barton. Steve and Bucky gathered plates from the kitchen while Romanoff rearranged the table to fashion some order with the pizzas.

Holly watched them; the way they moved around each other, passing things to another without a word uttered showed they were to a degree used to each other's quirks.

"How's the nose?" Barton asked.

"It's okay. I should have dodged quicker," Holly said as she sat down.

"Williams got you good and proper there, but you managed to turn the tables pretty quick on him. Where did you learn to do that?"

Holly thanked Bucky for the plate he passed her, though she heard the slight warning growl at the mention of Williams. Turning her attention back to Barton, she answered the best she could.

"Nowhere in particular. I kind of learnt all over. Travelled quite a bit. One of my dad's old comrades taught me a couple of things as did my godfather and uncle."

"So, no formal training?" His eyebrow rose with the question as he studied her.

"Not to any particular style of martial arts."

It wasn't exactly a lie; the Auror training program hadn't trained their Aurors to a style of physical training.

"You were holding back, though."

Holly shrugged, "Better to be underestimated than to overestimate your own skills and it doesn't hold up when you need them. I didn't think I would stand a chance against former Shield or military individuals."

"Leave the shop talk when around the table. Nobody lets a perfectly good pizza go to waste," Sam grumbled as he reached for a slice of a meat feast.

Holly reached for her own slice of pizza and took a bite.

It tasted better than it smelled Holly wasn't sure it would be possible, but it ticked every box it needed to.

Why the hell had she waited so long to try pizza in New York, she would never know.

"It's good right," Bucky stated lowly.

Holly hummed her agreement before finishing what was in her mouth.

"I really can't believe I waited so long to try the pizza here."

"Seven months wasted," Bucky chuckled.

"I think I am going to be living off pizza for a while."

Holly took another bite, happily listening to the conversation around her, aware that both Bucky and Steve were watching her closely.

She gave a slight half-smile in acknowledgement before taking another bite.

Holly managed to clean off four slices of pizza before declaring herself full. Bucky finished off the rest of her pizza, with a sly reference to super-soldier serum and an increased appetite.

She snorted at him before telling him her friend from school was a big eater, and he didn't have the excuse of the super-soldier serum, so clearly it was a man thing.


XXX


Steve watched Bucky walk Holly to the elevator as he quietly wiped the plates dry in the kitchen.

"Bucky seems comfortable with Holly."

He glanced at Natasha before his eyes darted back to them.

"Bucky was always good with the ladies, especially the pretty ones," he answered as he wiped a glass and placed it on the drainboard.

"You admit she is pretty then," Natasha teased.

He didn't acknowledge the remark. Holly was pretty. Precisely the kind of pretty that would have had him fumbling for his words and shying away into himself back before the serum. Not that the serum had magically given him the ability to speak to women.

Peggy had him tongue-tied more often than not and left him feeling utterly confused and helpless.

He couldn't help but see some comparisons between the two of them. Pretty and confident, British with painted red lips.

"Bucky is a different person now. He's distant with most of us; he circles on the edges, interacts when he needs to but doesn't exactly initiate anything with anyone but you...and Sam to a degree. He's getting better, and you can tell he is trying, but he still holds himself back."

Steve turned to look at her, "Except with Holly."

"It would appear so," she hummed in agreement.

Steve knew she was right. He could see it as well. The subtle moving closer to her, shielding her, offering her support. He had felt it when Bucky had pulled on their bonds earlier to try and provide comfort to Holly when she had been in the midst of her panic.

It had hit him like a tornado, and he had only been getting the fringes of it.

Just as he had felt the Solider stirring from its slumber.

It was why he had asked what had happened before anything else because he knew something had happened. Had felt it happen.

He had tracked every movement the two of them made around each other. He could see the wariness in Holly, her uncertainty beating beneath his skin as if it was his own, whenever she looked at either him or Bucky. His eyes had followed the slow curve of her lips as she teased him, smiled at Bucky, laughed at Sam.

Her eyes holding intensity to them, just as they had the first time he had locked gazes with them. Eyes that had stopped him in his tracks and haunted his dreams ever since.

Green eyes that had him itching to sketch them, to capture the burning fire she had in them, to unravel the layers that hid in their depths. Green eyes that reached into his soul.

Steve couldn't help but notice the slight smile on Bucky's lips as they talked, bantered. Bucky was relaxed, not entirely, he doubted Bucky would ever fully be able to relax, it was too ingrained in him to be hyperaware of his environment.

But it was nice to see.

He had hoped, had wished that Bucky would be able to open up to him by now.

But perhaps getting to know Holly would be good for Bucky.

And he had to learn to be okay with that, even as Bucky had to learn to be okay with his own interest in Peggy.

Except it hurt.

A lot.

Steve swallowed the anger, the hurt and doubt over exactly where he stood and what he wanted, and needed, and craved. He shoved down the curiosity over it all until all he had was calm stillness.

A part of him wished, wished that all he had to worry about was the soulmarks and their meaning, and finding a working balance between them all, so they didn't tear each other to shreds.

But he couldn't.

Not when danger was lurking in the shadows.

Just out of sight, waiting for the moment to strike.

He had to be ready to counter any attack that came their way.

Too much was at stake.

So he did the only thing he could.

He pulled back.

Bucky's head snapped round to him the moment the elevator doors shut behind Holly.

Steve could see the question burning in the man's gaze.

Steve buried everything.

Giving nothing away.

Even so, his eyes drank in the sight of Bucky walking towards him.

"Is she okay?" He asked, as Bucky reached the breakfast bar and leaned against the counter.

His question signalled Sam, Clint and Bruce to gather around them.

"She is refusing to go home, so she's agreed to work on the main operations floor, at least there will be others around her," Bucky answered.

"Everyone reacts differently after a panic attack. If Holly is here and with others around her we can at least monitor her. At a distance," Sam said, "We don't want to overcrowd her."

"What happened?" Steve asked as he finished drying the last plate.

Clint answered first, "We split them into pairs, in hindsight I probably shouldn't have paired her with Williams, but he's one of Starks new Security recruits, and she is a new recruit, so I wanted to judge their skill set."

"Williams, he's the guy that has expressed an interest in working on our floors with his application?" Natasha quizzed.

"Yeah." Clint nodded, "Hill wanted a proper assessment before talking to Happy about moving him up to us."

Bucky snorted, "The guy is an asshole."

"I'm not arguing, the guy is an asshole, but that doesn't mean he isn't a workable asshole that we could use. Provided he meets the requirements," Clint agreed.

"Holly managed to turn the tables on him?" Natasha asked.

"Really quickly as well, like a switch was flipped and Williams was on the floor," Bucky said.

"Her records don't show she has had any training, not the kind that would allow her to pull a move like that," Clint added.

"Her records don't indicate anything about half the scars she has either," Steve cut across, "What about in the medical with Holly?"

Bucky turned to look at him.

"As I said before, she was trembling on her way up to the medical. I wrongly presumed it was her coming down from the adrenaline, we entered medical, she saw Banner and then..." he trailed off.

It was clear that Holly was hiding something, and usually that would be fine, nobody owed anyone an explanation of their life story unless they wanted to give one. But they couldn't afford to risk not looking into it and have it bite them in the ass later.

"We keep an eye on her. Look into it further, something isn't adding up, but right now it's going to have to take a back seat. As long as she is okay enough to work."

"Physically, she should heal in a few days," Bruce supplied.

Steve nodded.

"What happened?" Bucky asked.

Steve looked at him, he still needed to talk with Bucky to make sure he was okay after the Soldier pushing forward, but Steve knew his friend well enough to know he wouldn't discuss it in front of the others.

He let out a sigh.

"Jarvis can you request Tony and Hill please," Steve asked.

"That well then Cap," Sam whistled, as he refilled his glass up.

"We are going to be busy for the next week, probably longer," he replied.

They didn't have to wait long for Tony and Hill to make their way to the penthouse.

"I have a feeling this is not the fake emergency I asked Jarvis to summon me for," Tony deadpanned.

"There is a new shipment of weapons arriving soon. Our sources have confirmed they are Chitauri Guns," Steve replied with a frown.

"That would be a reasonable reason to get me out of the meeting Pepper wants me to sit in on," Tony retorted.

"Fuck man!" Clint whistled, "That is going to one hell of a mess."

"How?" Sam asked.

Natasha took the lead.

"Six months after the Battle of New York, Shield became aware of a duo team of bank-robbers that had acquired a Chitauri Gun and had managed to activate it. Sitwell was sent to recover Item 47," Natasha answered, "Item 47 never made it to the Shield facility."

"Sitwell took it to Hydra," Bucky said as he folded his arms.

"Yes, along with the duo, Benjamin Pollack and Claire Wise. Hydra files state that they acquired more guns and were able to activate them, which gives more assurance that they have Loki's Specter," Natasha continued, "They have since then developed their own weapons using the Chitauri technology."

"When they are due?" Bucky asked.

"A week Friday. Two possible shipment locations, so we are going to have to split up to cover both of them," Steve answered as he looked at each of them.

He could see the concern on Sam's face, but Tony and Bruce had a reminiscing look in their eyes. They knew, just as he did, exactly how dangerous those weapons would be.

Bucky remained impassive. Not reacting to the news, but then he never did. Steve couldn't say he was surprised by it either; Hydra had always looked at developing weapons that would give them the advantage.

Steve continued as he folded his own arms, "We don't know how many weapons are going to be in the shipment. Our source states that word has already hit the streets about availability, along with a price tag."

"Which means any jumped up street gang, Triad, Mob or Mafia is going to be scrambling to get their hands on them," Clint mused.

"Hydra wouldn't sell them all. Just enough to get whatever money they wanted, or enough for the weapons to hit the streets, cause some chaos, resulting in attention being diverted from whatever it is they want to divert from," Bucky said, softly.

"It will be a blood bath if they hit the streets. The cops won't be able to tackle that kind of firepower," Sam added, a sigh of frustration escaping, "What's the plan?"

Steve ran through what they needed to do for a moment. His mind whirling as he ensured he had covered all possible angles, all scenarios. They had a short window of time to be ready, and they needed to be prepared. They needed to ensure those weapons didn't hit the streets, didn't stay in Hydra's hands.

"We need to focus the next few days staking out each location. Looking for advantage points, learn the layout," Steve said firmly.

"I know we were hoping to hold off on bringing the new recruits in on this, but we can't afford that. We have two locations, and we can't all be in the same place. We need extra eyes and hands."

"Which of the new recruits?" Bucky asked, his eyes tightening, jaw clenching.

Steve fixed him a pointed look before he answered, "All of them."

Neither of them looked away. Steve could see the coldness creeping in, could see the Soldier stirring once again, but he didn't give an inch.

He couldn't afford to.

He didn't have to, in the end, the barriers between them fell, and the bonds that ran between them fell silent.

Bucky was just protective, a natural state his friend seemed to fall into. Bucky had done it on his behalf many times.

"Phillips is definitely not ready for the field. Sawyer is an analyst. Jax and Tank are at the least trained, and I'm not going to lie I don't know with Holly," Clint said uncertainly, glancing between the two of them, "We don't know enough about her skill set if she is hiding more than she is saying."

"Her résumé says she can handle the groundwork," Hill stated.

Steve glanced at Hill.

"Bit of a leap of faith though, if she is untested."

"So we test her," Natasha supplied.

"She's not, untested, though she needs work when it comes to weapons," Hill concluded, "it's just whether she can keep on par with the others."

"She can," Bucky said coldly as he folded his arms. He ignored the questioning looks thrown his way before continuing, "What Holly did in the gym shows she knows more than she is saying she does. And I will work with her on weapons."

"That will work. Don't get me wrong, she won't be an expert in nine days even with Bucky teaching her, but we have some I.C.E.R.s that she will be able to work with," Clint said, nodding his head in agreement.

"That leaves you with Jax and Tank as well for the groundwork and a few of the others," Hill said, "I can work their schedules to help with stakeouts as well as giving you ample time to work with them in training."

"What about Sawyer?" Steve asked.

"The analyst will be working with Jarvis and me to look through every scheduled shipment, he is another set of eyes needed here when you are on the ground," Hill replied.

Steve nodded, "Philips is the engineer, right?"

"She is," Hill confirmed.

He turned to look at Tony, "Can you use her to help come up with something to counter the weapons."

"I'm sure with my brain and brilliance and Bruce's beautiful mind, we can come up with something. An extra set of hands could be useful, as long as she doesn't slow us down."

"It won't be perfect, not in that time frame," Bruce countered.

"Oh Brucie-bear, ye of little faith," Tony sassed.

"Everything else can wait. As of now, the new recruits schedules are officially yours," Hill tapped her pad, "I suggest you use them."

"We will brief them tomorrow," Steve nodded in agreement.

He didn't like the idea, but he didn't see any other choice. There were eight of them once Thor returned, two locations, an unknown number of enemies, and an unknown number of weapons. If one of them were able to cause the amount of damage the Chitauri had during the invasion then it would be less than an easy task. If they were worse...Steve didn't really want to think about that. Add in the variable of any potential buyers on the night then they were greatly outnumbered.

Steve knew they were good, all of them had their strengths, but Hydra had far longer to prepare for their capabilities and to counter them than they had to prepare for the shipment.

"All right, let's get to work," Steve nodded, reaching for the bonds he tugged Bucky's thread with a clear message he wanted a word. Steve didn't usually push on the bonds once Bucky had pulled back, but he needed to speak to him, and this was the only way he could do it without drawing more attention to the fact that the Solider had stirred twice in one day.

It hadn't been that bad for a couple of months.

Bucky levelled him with a hard cold look that almost looked vicious, and one of his hands closed into a fist. For a second Steve's breath caught in his chest and he couldn't help but shift into position, ready to move at a moment's notice as it looked as though the Soldier had bleed through yet again.

Natasha moved closer to his side as the others dispersed quickly.

He nodded curtly at Natasha; she hesitated for a moment before walking between them.

She muttered something under her breath in Russian, something Steve knew Bucky understood by the way his eyes darted to her, before fixing back onto Steve.

Steve took a breath, exuding calm and focus. This wasn't a confrontation, and the last thing he wanted was for Bucky to think that it was.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"Fine."

"Want to talk about it?"

Bucky snorted, "Not particularly."

"Bucky."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to know that you can be honest with me, and it's not going to make the slightest bit of difference," he answered his voice a little sad. "I'm not going to see you any differently."

"I wanted to rip Williams' head clean off his shoulders," Bucky growled at him, "I want to hunt down whoever is fucking responsible for those scars and kill them slowly."

"You didn't rip Williams' head off," Steve countered, as he took a step closer. He couldn't exactly argue against the other point. His own anger was bubbling under his skin at the thought of Holly's scars.

"I could have. I still could," Bucky said as he sighed deeply.

Steve blinked, deep down he knew no matter how good Bucky said he was, the man was at war with himself, with his darker side. Hydra had changed Bucky, stripped him of everything that made him a person until all he was, was their weapon. The scales inside of him went in the Soldier's favour for seventy years and now Bucky was trying to wrestle back for control. He needed to find a balance.

Steve just wasn't sure how, and he hated that he was powerless to help, hated that Bucky wouldn't let him any closer than the edges. If he could, he would carry the weight for him.

"You didn't. You remained in control," Steve said softly, moving closer again to Bucky. He made sure his movements were slow and unthreatening as possible.

"What if I hurt Holly? Like I hurt you?" Bucky's mouth twisted into a bitter smile.

"You won't. You won't let yourself."

Bucky sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat, "I think you give me too much credit Stevie. I'm not as strong as you think I am." He looked uncertain as he spoke.

"You are," he assured, "Having a bad day doesn't mean you are weak Bucky. It's going to take time, but you are a lot stronger than you think you are."

Bucky snorted, unclenching his fist, and gave a sad smile, "You know Holly said something similar."

"She is clearly smart," Steve said, with a slight smile.

"You should try talking to her."

He nodded, "I will, but right now, I need to know you are okay."

"I'm okay. Pushing back the Soldier is exhausting, but I'm okay. It seemed a little easier today, but I'm not just tired Steve, I'm pissed. Someone has hurt her badly."

"And we will deal with it, but we can't force her to open up to us. We don't have that right."

"I know," Bucky breathed, "I know we don't. I'm...I feel lost Steve. I don't know what to do."

Instead of answering, Steve offered him his hand.

Bucky hesitated, before taking it and Steve drew him close, into a hug, his arms wrapping around him tightly. For a second Bucky froze before his own arms wrapped around him.

Steve inhaled deeply, the scent of Bucky filling his nose and reminding him of so many things. It was different now, Bucky was different, but despite all of that they still fitted together.

"We work it out together," he whispered, and he felt Bucky shiver slightly in his grasp as his breath tickled along his neck.

Steve pushed the memories away that stirred, the last thing Bucky needed was his desire hitting him full force through the bonds. It was a line they hadn't crossed since his return. Bucky wasn't ready, and Steve wasn't going to push.

Instead, he closed his eyes and inhaled again.

"You good?" he murmured.

"Yeah," Bucky breathed, "I'm good. No more murderous impulses, at least for now."

Steve opened his eyes, his lips twitched slightly as he pulled back reluctantly.

"Take the win."

They were still touching, but not the hug that they had both fallen into. Neither of them seemed willing to move, and Steve's chest tightened.

It was enough.

It would have to be enough for now.

Bucky swallowed slowly, as their gazes locked with one another, before he eventually took a step back, his hands dropping to his sides as he did so.

"I can do that."

"Good," Steve smiled tightly.

There was so much to say, and yet neither of them was brave enough to walk down that road.

Bucky gave him a nod, before stepping back and making his way out of the penthouse. Steve watched him go for a second longer than he should of before sighing softly.

Both his mind and pulse racing.

"Jarvis."

"Yes, Captain Rogers?"

"Can you monitor Holly, please? Let me know if she has another panic attack."

"Of course sir."

"Thank you."

Steve nodded to himself, satisfied that Jarvis would notify him should Holly have another panic attack.

It wasn't much, but it was the very least he could do to make sure that she wouldn't be on her own should she have one.


XXX


Holly swallowed some tablets Hill passed her for the pain, wishing it was a pain relief potion and that she was back home able to put some of the Weasley Bruise removal paste she had stored in her cupboards.

Her jaw ached, and her nose hurt, the dull throbbing sickening pain that you felt in your bones and couldn't entirely ignore.

Despite the pain, Holly pushed on with her task, grateful that Hill had planted her in a little side room off the main operations floor giving her the illusion of privacy if nothing else.

Sawyer's gaze had followed her the moment she had stepped onto the floor after she had changed, the questions burning in his eyes.

Holly had done her level best to ignore it, and everyone else, and for the last four hours she had somewhat succeeded.

Of course, she should have known that one of them would have come and checked on her sooner or later.

She had expected Bucky but was surprised to feel the heat of Steve's bond enveloping her, as if she had just received one of Mrs Weasley's hugs.

He stepped into the doorway, carrying two mugs and a brown paper bag, he leaned against the doorframe.

A peace offering if she ever saw one.

Holly could see an array of emotions swirling in his blue eyes, hesitation, doubt, confusion, conflict and, regret.

Holly couldn't say what any of them meant, or why he was feeling them, but it plucked at her heartstrings like a guitarist playing the guitar.

It was not what one expected to see when looking at Captain America, but then Holly knew the weight of other people's expectations better than anyone. Steve Rogers was a lot more than the man in the mask, a lot more than the Shield and the symbol.

She bit her lip.

Her instincts warred with each other in a fight of self-preservation, to keep him far away, and the desire to help someone that was clearly lost and unsure of how to proceed.

"Hi," she said softly, breaking the silence.

"Hi," Steve answered, surprise crossing his face that she had spoken.

"How can I help you, Mr Rogers?"

He blinked, "Mr Rogers?"

Holly smiled, "I don't know you well enough to call you by your first name, and Captain America isn't all of who you are."

His lips twitched ever so slightly, "Steve. Steve is fine."

"How can I help you, Steve?"

"I came to see if you were alright?"

"I'm fine," Holly replied, plastering on a smile and shoving away all the emotions she didn't want to think about.

She was far from fine, but she was pushing through.

He hesitated for a moment, blue eyes staring down at her and Holly got a distinct impression that he was picking apart her layers.

She wrapped the icy blanket around her mind a little tighter, and her smile widened a fraction.

"I'm fine."

The last word had more bite than she intended, and she knew her own gaze had hardened as she looked up at him.

"Okay," Steve said softly, exasperation and sadness sharing space on his features.

Regret wriggled inside her stomach. Damn it!

"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I've had a long day."

"I get that." Steve stepped inside the small room, making her realise just how big and tall he actually was. He passed her a mug, and Holly took it from him, muttering her thanks.

She could smell the hot chocolate.

"Which one gave away the secret?"

"Bucky," he admitted with a slight smile.

"They say chocolate makes things better."

Holly hummed in agreement before taking a sip. She could taste the cinnamon.

He sat down next to her, unfolding the paper bag offering it to her.

"Thank you," she said as she picked out a brownie and bit into, the warm gooey goodness melting in her mouth. Just the way she liked brownies.

"You have a sweet tooth?"

"Guilty as charged and I am not apologising for it. I say take the pleasures you can in this life...so long as they aren't hurting others."

"Wise."

"Don't tell anyone."

"Your secret is safe with me."

Holly snorted as she took another bite and moaned.

She caught the look Steve threw her.

"S'rry," she mumbled between a sip of her drink, "You not having one?"

"I know better than to get in between someone and their food."

Holly pushed the bag towards him, "Who?"

"Sam," he admitted as he picked out a brownie.

"That doesn't surprise me."

He gave her a slight smile before taking a bite of his brownie.

"Do you have a sweet tooth? Or are you more of a grill house kind of guy?"

Steve chuckled, "I like sweet things. Not as much as Bucky, but I like sweet things."

"What's your favourite?"

"Apple pie."

Holly snorted, "I saw that coming from a mile away."

"My mom made the best apple pies. What about you, what's your favourite sweet thing?"

"You mean I have to pick one?" Holly asked, throwing him a look of disgust, "That's outrageous."

He chuckled. "Yeah, you have to pick just one."

"Hmm," Holly started, "Well, there is only one contest really, waffles and ice cream."

"Waffles and ice cream?" Steve repeated, giving her a look of disbelief.

"The combination of hot and cold in my mouth, all gooey goodness, yeah, it's my weakness."

"Gooey goodness?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"That's my story, and I'm sticking to it." Holly chuckled, wincing slightly.

Right, yeah, she should probably avoid that for a while.

Laughing.

She wasn't sure why, but it seemed a little easier to talk to Steve when she didn't have the added pressure of thinking she had to say something. Not to mention she was back in her regular work clothes and not her workout gear and wasn't feeling quite as vulnerable as she was hours ago.

Of course, the hard part was already over with, they had actually spoken to each other earlier, now it was just following the same steps that every other average person did.

Except most people weren't soulmarked to Captain America or Bucky Barnes.

Wariness crept along her spine; she needed to show caution just as she did with Bucky.

The easy conversation about the unimportant things such as her sweet tooth surprised her, but that didn't mean she could lose her head and throw caution to the wind. She couldn't let either of them get to close to her.

"You know you can head off now if you need to," Steve said suddenly.

Holly gave a tight smile, she wasn't ready to go back to her apartment and let her thoughts run wild.

"I find keeping busy helps. If I stay focused then..."

"Less time for other thoughts to take over."

"Yeah," she admitted, meeting his gaze with her own.

"You know if you are in trouble, we can help."

Holly smiled as she deflected, "According to my old professors, I was always in trouble."

"That sounds like Bucky, and well, me. Bucky was always pulling me out of trouble."

"My friends tried, but they usually ended up neck-deep in the same trouble."

"We can help Holly if you need it."

The sincerity that crossed his face made Holly pause for a moment. It would be easy, so easy, to just come out and say that she was hunting for missing children that Hydra had taken.

That Hydra was experimenting on; killing and Merlin knew what else to the actual survivors.

But with the open confession, everything else would come tumbling out. How she knew, what Hydra had done to her, something she wasn't sure she fully understood now.

Then why those children were taken would be questioned, which would open the door to the magical world, and MACUSA didn't forgive when it came to muggle interactions. Their policy far harsher than back home.

Holly couldn't risk it.

Couldn't risk what the Wizarding World would possibly do to the Avengers. They didn't deserve that, Bucky and Steve didn't deserve that.

"I appreciate the offer," Holly said slowly, giving a sad smile, "But I'm okay, I'm used to taking care of myself."

Steve looked at her for a moment, his blue eyes intense as they burned into her soul. He nodded once as he rose to his feet.

"The offer is there. If you need help, we can help you. You don't have to be alone."

Holly blinked in surprise, uncertain in what to say. Steve didn't give her the chance to respond, he gave her a slight twitch of his lips before leaving the room.

Holly swallowed the lump in her throat.

Alone was safer for everybody. Alone meant that Hydra wouldn't be able to go after the people she loved.

She would be keeping them safe.

Except a deep sense of longing filled her as the knots tightened in her stomach and it wouldn't leave her alone. It gnawed at her soul, clawed at her heart and dug deeper, burrowing inside of her, so she couldn't push it away.

All she could do was steel her spine, let ice feel her veins and do her damn hardest not to feel it.


XXX


There will be a delay with the next chapter. I am going on holiday the end of this week, so time to write will be limited.