Chapter Four: Mourning
The four of them stayed in this position for a long time. Janet opened her eyes when she felt the girl's grip shifting slightly. She found the lawn deserted except for the General and Svetlana. The pyre had been reduced to mere embers and it was in the middle of the night.
When the Russian physicist saw that they were stirring, she left her place at the right of the General and helped all of them back to their feet. She led them back to the front entrance where the same limousine that had brought Samantha and her to the hospital was waiting for them. They all piled in and the vehicle began to move. Anna and Mari were in the back seat with the girl ensconced in her mother's embrace.
Janet's whole attention was fixed on the despondent, almost catatonic blonde she held in her own arms. She had felt her lover's strength waning when they walked towards the car. Samantha wasn't crying but she held onto her partner as if to a life-line. Only once in all of their years together Samantha had acted like this – after Jolinar had taken over her body.
During the first few hours after regaining consciousness the tall Major hadn't reacted to any kind of stimulation. Only after the small CMO had thrown caution to the wind and climbed onto her cot, she had started to react, if only infinitesimally. It had taken Cassandra to bring her all the way back. Janet could only hope that this time would be different.
So, she concentrated on the woman she loved. She shut out their environment, the lights and trees passing by the window, their fellow travellers, the condition of the road. For the second time this day, the brunette doctor lost her usually accurate sense of time. But it was still in the middle of the night when they considerably slowed down and turned left into a gravel covered driveway.
They stopped in front of a large two storey wooden structure. Anna and Mari immediately wandered off, ascending a staircase and then disappearing in a corridor. Svetlana ushered them also upstairs and led them to the third door on their right. She told them that they should rest and take all the time they needed.
Janet led an unresisting blonde to the king-size bed and somehow managed to undress the taller woman. She quickly followed suite and slid into bed beside her. She pressed her body against the slender form and took her in her arms, making sure that Samantha felt loved and cared for.
Experience had taught her that though her partner was not yet ready to open up to her; she now needed physical contact more than anything else.
Janet woke from the first rays of morning sun shining through the windows. To her surprise they still were in the same position in which they had fallen asleep, with her arms and legs wrapped around her taller lover and Samantha's head nestled between her breasts.
The doctor looked down and studied her face. What she saw had her worried, to say the least. Usually, the blonde's face took on a childlike, innocent quality in sleep, but this morning she still looked almost as drawn as she had the previous evening. Despite the absence of nightmares, sleep had not been as beneficial to her as it should have been.
Janet was reluctant to let go of her lover but the call of nature could no longer be ignored. She disentangled herself carefully and placed a pillow in Samantha's arms before entering the bathroom. She hurried through her morning ablutions but still was not fast enough to keep her lover from slipping into a nightmare.
Samantha was still asleep when the small brunette once again gathered her in her arms. She could feel the tension emanating from the other body and wrapped a blanket around both of them. The blonde clung to her and then the tears started. At first there only were single drops but that quickly changed; soon Samantha was awake and openly sobbing.
Years ago, at the beginning of their relationship the proud woman would have done everything in her power to get herself back under control as soon as possible. She wouldn't have let anyone see her vulnerable or weak. Janet was gratified that this no longer was the case. All the trauma they had lived both through since joining Stargate Command had taught them both to trust the other on a more fundamental basis than they did anyone else, on a more basic level than she had words for.
Janet also knew by experience that she would have to let the emotional storm pass before her beloved partner would be in any kind of condition to talk about the demons still holding her in their grip – and consequently about what had happened all those years ago.
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When she finally was cried out, the doctor led her lover to the bathroom and into the shower. Samantha was standing on her own, but she relied on Janet to wash her and wrap her body in a thick towel. By then the taller woman was composed enough to dress herself and they sat down on the small couch situated in front of the double window.
"A few weeks ago, Daniel asked me how I was able to build and program the dialling computer without knowing what the Gate really was. I answered him that it was magic but it wasn't. I knew what the symbols meant. I think I found out almost the same way he did, but before I could start with a series of tests I was called away.
"The Pentagon sent me to Russia, officially on behalf of the United Nations. It was a tour supposed to make a survey of the security of their military nuclear reactors. They also were supposed to be working on a new, clean, and secure propulsion system for their missiles. I was to be the technical observer for the US military.
"I'm still not sure why of all people they chose me; perhaps it was because I had studied Russian physics at the Academy and gained an at least superficial knowledge of the language. Not enough for every day conversation but enough to understand their manuals and stuff. Even then I thought a CIA special agent would have been a better choice, but one doesn't question one's orders, especially a just promoted Captain doesn't question a General.
"Marina was part of the welcoming committee or so to speak. We hit it off from the start. She was the first human being I was able to speak to about my mother. I felt comfortable with her."
Samantha fell silent and snuggled closer to her smaller partner.
"Only a few days into our visit, on the way from one facility to another we ran into an ambush. We only had a standard escort who turned out to be no match for our well-prepared attackers. Suddenly, there was some kind of gas filling the interior of the car in which we were riding, and the next thing I knew was that I was lying on a military issued cot and a woman with dark eyes and long dark hair was bending over me and speaking to me."
Janet had long ago learned to respect her partner's occasional bouts of silence when speaking about her feeling or bits of her past.
"From the whole score of scientists only Marina and I had been taken; the others were left at the side of the road, unconscious or dead.
"We were being held in northern Siberia in an underground research lab, an abandoned military facility. Our captors were acting under orders of the Russian mob. The man in charge, he called himself Commander Petrov, Jurij Mikhailovich Petrov, a former KGB agent. It was rumoured that before the collapse of the Soviet Union he had been one of the main players and he came out of it with a lot of influence and even more money.
"The whole operation started out about seven or eight months before Marina and I had been captured. They abducted women scientists from almost all over the world: physicists, astrophysicists, electrical engineers, computer specialists, specialists in rocket science and reactor technology. The assigned us to work on a whole range of projects and made sure that we really did the work."
Samantha once again fell silent, and this time the flood of memories couldn't be held at bay with words alone. Janet felt the change in her lover and knew from experience that now the blonde was dealing with extremely painful memories and feelings, similar to the day when she had been forced to build a naqada enhanced bomb, the day when Colonel O'Neill had ordered her to make a bomb out of a reactor to supposedly save the Encarans and other traumatic orders she had had to follow.
Each and every time, her despondence had been fuelled by feelings of guilt or at least responsibility.
The doctor put her right hand over her partner's heart, and the frantic heartbeat considerably slowed down but the tall Major was still in the firm grip of her memories.
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"I want the result before the midday meal!"
"I told you, I'll need more than just few hours to finish these equations with the equipment you gave to me," the short haired blond answered impatiently without looking up to the man bullying her for results.
A big hand descended on her shoulder, spun her around, and landed her with her back on the desk she had been working on. The man pinning her down bent over until they were almost nose to nose. It was the first time in the three days since their capture that she saw the master of the facility up close and personal.
"I know you're new here, American, but you should be intelligent enough to understand the rules: You do what you are told to do, when you are told to do it – and in the amount of time allotted. But you women have to be stubborn; you always have to learn the hard way, don't you?"
Commander Petrov was smiling, a smile that didn't reach his eyes and made her more than slightly uneasy.
"Prah-vah-dee-tyeh ah-myehr-ee-kahn-kee vkah-myeh-roo. Treed-saht shayst chass-of."
Before she even had a chance to try to resist or understand what he just had said, two burly men dragged her out of the room and along a corridor. They took an elevator.
One of her captors said. "Get out of your clothes, American, or we will do it for you."
Samantha nodded and they let go of her arms. She raised her hands as if to undo the zipper of the jumpsuit she was wearing, but instead of complying with the order, she hit one of the tall men in the face, breaking his nose. He staggered backwards and she followed up with a knee to his groin.
She managed to avoid the first counter-attack of the second guard but doubled over when his fist hit her midsection. Then, her head was rammed against an armoured knee and she lost consciousness.
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Samantha came to from an overwhelming feeling of being cold, very cold. The ground she was lying on was icy cold; the air she was breathing was cold. She opened her eyes and saw a square of blue sky right above her, quickly obscured by dark clouds. The ceiling around it was white as were the walls.
She jumped to her feet and found herself naked in the white cell. There was no visible door and no window. She quickly found out that floor and walls were entirely made of ice; the ceiling was probably too, but it was too high up to make sure.
She couldn't help the fear creeping up her spine and only barely kept from panicking. Samantha recalled Petrov's words and tried to make sense of them: 'Treed-saht shayst chass-of, that meant 36 hours, vkah-myeh-roo could mean prison cell or something.' Finally realisation hit, and if she hadn't already been cold, it would have chilled her. She somehow had to survive 36 hours in this freezer and she didn't have the slightest idea how long she had been unconscious. All she knew for sure was that she had to keep herself occupied – her mind and her body.
'A soldier's first duty when captured was to try to escape.' That's what she had been taught at the Academy and in basic training, but that, as she knew now, was easier said than done. The other women had made it perfectly clear that there was no way to escape – ten stories underground with guards in every corridor and room, guards with sidearms and batons.
'But now she was topside: she had at least to try to get away.'
So, Samantha started to check the walls for cracks and seams or any other weaknesses. The more rational part of her mind, however, asked what she would do even if she were able to find a way out of this cell. Wherever they were, it was cold enough to keep the ice around her from melting. She was naked, without any clothing or other resources, alone, without any idea where the hell she was. But still she kept searching, unsuccessfully.
Her feet and fingers were so cold she was barely able to feel them now. She wriggled her fingers and toes. She rubbed her hands against each other. It worked but it didn't help her feet. Sitting down on the icy ground was out of question; so, she balanced on one foot while massaging the other. She desperately tried not to think about how ridiculous she must look doing this.
Samantha knew that she had to keep moving, that she couldn't afford to fall asleep. She knew she had to keep her blood flowing if she wanted to avoid permanent damage but it was hard, very hard. She put herself through every drill, every hand-to-hand combat routine she could think about but it became harder with every passing hour.
The blonde could feel her movements and thought processes gradually slowing – and she didn't even have the slightest idea of how much time had passed since she had awakened.
She wanted nothing more but curl into a ball and fall asleep. But she wouldn't let them win this easily. She wouldn't let him win; she wouldn't give up, not now, not ever. So, she kept on moving; running around in circles, doing jumping jacks, doing push-ups, trying to keep her fingers and toes working. Doing anything she could think of.
When night fell, the section of clear sky she could see through the opening in the ceiling got her mind working. She was not entirely sure but now she had at least a pretty good idea of the general area they were being held. It didn't make the night any warmer, and it didn't make moving any easier, but nevertheless it gave her a fragment of hope.
The night sky slowly changed to dawn, and soon after the same blue sky she had seen the day before was back. At midday her chilled, weary bones had a short period of reprieve. The sun was finally high enough to shine through the ceiling opening. Nightfall, dawn, and midday probably were the only way she had to measure time in this icicle. The faint rays not only warmed her, they also helped her to readjust the mental map she had made of the nightly star pattern.
It wasn't much, but it gave her at least something to occupy her mind with while her body went on autopilot to keep from freezing. Judging from the dimming light, the sun was once again about to set when a platform of sorts was lowered through the opening with one of the security guards on it. He threw a folded jumpsuit at her and she almost stumbled backwards when she caught it.
"Dress, turn around, and put your hands behind your back, American."
Samantha was too relieved at the chance to get out of this room or whatever it was to even think of questioning the order. She felt handcuffs closing around her wrists and was pulled backwards. Her feet touched the surprisingly warm platform and it immediately began to ascend. When they left the confines of her prison, she saw that it was attached to some sort of crane. They moved sideways and then descended. She saw the entrance to the compound and despite herself was relieved at the sight.
The platform touched ground, but the blonde hesitated to step to the icy ground. The guard scooped her up in his arms as if she were a mere child and carried her inside. He didn't let go of her when the escalator began its climb down. She tried to tell him that she easily could walk on her own, but he didn't react and proceeded to carry her through the corridors to the communal holding cell.
He sat her down at the door, freed her of the cuffs, and disengaged the electrical lock and the bar. When it swung inwards, Samantha automatically took a step forward but her legs gave out, and she would have hit the floor if not for Anna and Marina catching her.
She never would have thought that one could grow this weak in less than two days. They led her to a cot and tucked her in. She could see the concern on Marina's face and there was so much to tell her and the others, but her body simply didn't cooperate. She fell asleep.
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Samantha woke to the feeling of something cold being put on her forehead. She wanted to move to get away from the cold but her arms, legs, and head were as heavy as lead. She felt a hand on her shoulder and opened her eyes. Brown orbs were looking down on her, and she easily recognised relief in them. She tried to talk but a finger was put over her lips.
"No, Sam, stay calm. Your fever broke only a couple of hours ago. Take it easy and try to drink something."
Samantha obeyed and then croaked out, "What happened?"
"You were ill, Samantha. For the last three days you ran a high fever but you'll be all right now."
"Have to get up. Can't let them win," the blonde insisted, but the hand easily held her in place.
"You need to rest, Sam. You didn't let them win. Actually, you threw Petrov for a loop. No one ever was out there this long. They usually bring us back after no more than ten or fifteen hours. You were very brave, Samantha."
"My mother always said that."
"When you staggered in here you were very agitated but you calmed down when Marina said. 'Your mother was right, you are very brave, Sam.' And now, try to get some rest. Tomorrow will be a new day and a new battle. Close your eyes. You need all the strength you can get. But remember, you are not alone in this. Close your eyes, Samantha."
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"It wasn't the last time, I was sent to that so-called cell. We called it the freezer. I gradually learned to keep track of the time when I was in there, and I learned how to keep from freezing without exhausting myself. I even stopped getting ill. During the last month of our capture Petrov found a new way to get me to obey. Instead of punishing me, he sent one of other women in my place."
Janet was shocked to silence by her lover's hesitant report, and she felt the same anger that always bubbled up whenever Samantha was hurt by the hands of others, be it some alien or one of their superiors. Images flashed through her mind, images of putting this Petrov in one of the isolation labs and let him slowly freeze to death.
The blonde somehow picked up on her lover's anger and sought her eyes. "Petrov is dead, Janet. He has been for years. General Etkind and General Hammond flushed him out of hiding and took care of him. Revenge will not change what he did to us, what he did to Anna. Revenge won't bring the three women back who died out there. It won't bring Marina back. Let it go, Jan. It's in the past."
"I'm glad that he's dead."
The small doctor surprised herself with her words. She had sworn an oath to do no harm, but this time she knew the words to be true.
"How did you all get out, Sam? Did General Hammond find you?"
"Not really. He flew to Russia to search for me. There, he quickly hooked up with General Etkind who was in search of Marina. It took them more then four months to find out who was behind our abduction and another one and a half month to find out about his secret facility. They were about to mount a rescue mission when there was an accident in the lab. There was an explosion and all of our reactor specialists instantly died. The lab was burning; there was a radiation breach.
"Petrov and the guards ran, but Marina knew that we had to get it under control. We had been able to approximate the location of the compound. We knew we were in the Siberian Mountains, the Putorana massif. The next big city, Norilsk, was less than 150 miles away – and if the reactor we had running, blew it would have contaminated an area three times as big. We had to stop it."
Samantha fell silent and suddenly a voice from the other side of the room said. "There were two radiation suits, and I had had the most experience of the three of us, but I was too afraid. I froze. I just couldn't go in there.
"Marina grabbed the suit that should have been for me. She told me to go and get the others out. I'll never forgive myself for not doing my job."
"She wouldn't have wanted anyone to die to preserve her own life. She wouldn't have wanted you to die for her, under no circumstances. I'm sorry that it took me so long to understand, Anna."
"It should have been me dying in this room, Sam," the raven-haired woman insisted.
"No, Anna. I know that's what I thought for a long time, for too long. There was no way to know that the radiation suit was faulty. It never should have ripped that easily. It was wrong to hold you responsible for what happened. It was an accident.
"Marina tried to tell me more than once, but I didn't listen. It was simply easier to have someone to blame, I think. I'm glad that you lived and I think that you're very brave. Mari is a very bright girl. You can be proud of her, Anna."
"I am, Samantha. She's the bright light of my life and always will be. – Lana has prepared a light lunch. I wanted to ask you if the two of you want to join us."
"We'd be honoured, Anna. I really am sorry for my behaviour."
"I told you yesterday, Sam: there's no need to apologise." The dark haired woman said with a sad smile, "Let's go."
Despite all the tension the day before and the emotional turmoil they had been through, they spent and agreeable lunch. It didn't take Janet long to be included in a friendship that had been born in a time of direness and need – and was now allowed to flourish once again. They talked and remembered the woman they had lost.
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Marina's inner strength had helped them to survive. She had given them hope when everything seemed hopeless. She had made them laugh when all they wanted to do was cry. She had held them when they had needed it most. She had scolded them whenever they had been about to wallow in self pity. Marina had been a mother to all the women but she had been closest to Samantha and Anna.
For the girl's sake they tried to concentrate on happy memories but when Mari in the evening had been tucked into bed the more sinister memories no longer could be denied.
Anna told the other women how Marina had saved her from despair and self-loathing after Petrov had humiliated her in front of the guards by forcing her to give him a blow-job. She had wanted to end it then, one way or the other but the older woman had helped her to gain another perspective. She had helped her to see it through instead of giving in to her fears and pain.
The German scientist also told them how angry she had been at the beginning at Samantha's stubborn refusal to obey, and how Marina had made her see it in a different light.
"Rina made me see that in your way you did the same thing I did. You focused his attention away from the others, and you gave us hope by refusing to be broken or cowed. It made us understand that Petrov and his guards were not all powerful. Most of the men respected you; they even started to treat us with less disdain than before."
"I only acted in instinct, Anna. There's nothing commendable in being mule-headed," Samantha answered with a slight blush, "and it certainly can't be compared to what you did."
"Marina told me that you both did your best under very difficult circumstances and you worried more about your fellow prisoners than about yourself. Don't you two know how special you are?" Svetlana said when the two women were about to protest. "There were two dozen women in this facility but you two are the only ones who stayed in contact with my sister. All the others sooner or later turned their backs on her. They were not strong enough to be confronted with their memories. So, whenever you have doubts, remember that."
The women hugged and soon after they retired to their bedrooms. All in all the day had been emotionally very draining for the blonde and she quickly fell asleep. Just as Janet had feared, the nightmares came quickly.
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Before the doctor had the chance to decide if she should wake her lover up, the blonde opened her eyes on her own.
"It's alright, Sam, it was only a dream. You're safe now."
"Not a dream, a memory."
"Do you want to talk about it, baby?" Janet softly asked.
"No. Yes, I should. I told you that Petrov changed his modus operandi, that he started to punish the others if I didn't obey. The first time it happened without warning. His guards simply grabbed Kathryn, an engineer from London, and put her in the freezer. He told me that she would stay there for as long as I needed to finish the project on which we both had been working.
"She was a small woman, even shorter than Hailey and very thin. We had been given three days to design a new guiding system for rockets, and I had refused to do it. By making Kathryn take my place he took away my options. I worked feverishly but without Marina's help I never would have succeeded. Kathryn was in the freezer for more than twenty-nine hours. She nearly died of hypothermia – and it would have been my fault."
"It would have been Petrov's fault, Sam, but it's no wonder you have nightmares."
"That wasn't what I dreamed about, what I remembered. I remembered the second time it happened, about two weeks before the accident. Petrov had found out that I had sabotaged one of the devices he had had me build. It was a remote control for explosives with more than three times the usual range. It was meant to be used more than once but I saw to it that it short-circuited irreparably. This time he sent Anna to the freezer.
"He personally put cuffs on her wrists and hobbled her feet. This way it would make it impossible for her to move sufficiently to keep her from freezing.
"His guards put me in chair, with hands and feet bound. I was placed in front of a surveillance monitor and forced to watch her. She tried to move around as best as she could, and all I could do was sit there and feel helpless. I tried to reason with the guard but instead of answering he put some headphones on. Two hours later, Anna lost her footing and had a hard time to get up again. I observed how her lips and toes turned blue.
"Six more hours had passed when Petrov finally had come back. I… I begged him to let her go, to get her out of the freezer."
Samantha fell silent and stared at her clenched fingers. Though she hadn't changed position, her whole body was rigid with tension. She seemed to be lost in her memories but Janet was not about to leave her alone with her pain.
She bent her head and kissed her lover on her forehead. "I love you, Sammy. Nothing you do or did in the past will ever change that. You are, what did Marina call it? Yes, the light of my soul. I love you."
Samantha looked up with a core of wonder in her blue eyes.
"He had conditions. I had to beg his forgiveness on my knees in front of everyone, and he made me promise that I would never again object to an order or do less than my best to get the project done.
"Anna was barely conscious by then. I would have done everything he asked. He had her brought down and without giving her the chance to warm up even slightly, he took her in front of us all. He pressed her back against a table and raped her.
"I wanted to pull him off her. I wanted to knock him out. I wanted to kill him. Marina saw what I had in mind. She grabbed me from behind and encircled my waist. Petrov would have killed me but Rina saved my life.
"Afterwards, he demanded that I thank him for teaching us this valuable lesson. Every fibre of my body and my soul told me to refuse, to oppose him, no matter what. Then Rina whispered in my ear. She said. 'Don't belittle her sacrifice be giving him what he wants. Keep your calm, Dohch-kah mai-yeh-voh syehrd-tsah.
"I relented and did what he wanted. It left a bitter taste in my mouth I can still feel even to this day. I feel like such a coward, like I let Anna down, like I let all of them down. Perhaps that's why I was so angry with her when she refused to help with the reactor."
"You have nothing to regret or be ashamed of, Sammy. You did all you had to do to keep yourself and the other women alive and as safe and sane as possible. I'm very proud of you, my love."
Samantha looked at her partner with a good deal of self-doubt or at least scepticism in her eyes.
"I know you have a hard time seeing things the way I do. Just trust in me; trust in my love for you, trust in our love."
"I love you, Janet, more than I ever would have thought possible to love someone. I'm sorry, I never told you about Marina and our time in Siberia."
Janet smiled at her beloved. "I won't pretend that I wasn't hurt when I learned how important this time was for you, but I had time to understand your reluctance. It also was a very traumatic experience. I'm not angry any more."
"I still should have told you, Janet. Over they years, my correspondence and conversations with Rina have been an important part of my life. I just didn't know how to introduce her without talking about Siberia and Petrov. It hurt too much. I'm sorry, my love."
"I know now, Sammy, that's all that really counts. Relax, close your eyes. There are only a few hours left before dawn."
"I love you, Doctor Fraiser, and I hope one day I will be able to tell it to the whole world."
"I don't care about the whole world, I only care about you, my love." Janet kissed her taller partner but they were both too tired to do more.
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"Dieses miese kleine Wiesel!"
Janet had fallen asleep in the living room, but the loud exclamation brought her back to awareness in an instant. The grandfather clock next to the mantle told her that it was early afternoon. She followed the voice to the study and found Anna, sitting in front of a computer screen, still cursing colourfully. She stepped round the desk and saw the screen filled with a maze of lines and numbers, she knew from Samantha were the schematics of a naqada reactor.
The dark haired woman finally sensed her presence and looked up. "Janet, I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you up but he really is…, he's infuriating and now I know that he has been deliberately sabotaging our work. He'll definitively get a piece of my mind as soon as I'm back in Moscow."
"Does this 'weasel' have a name?" Janet asked with a smile.
"Mackay."
The amusement disappeared from the brunette's eyes almost faster than the speed of light and was replaced by a frown. "Don't tell me that you have the misfortune to work with this miserable, arrogant, self-delusional, misogynist, primitive, pain-in-the-butt rat bastard."
"You evidently know him."
"You can say that. He almost killed Teal'c and called Sam a dumb blonde. I never got the chance to pay him back for that. – Speaking of Sam; where is she?"
"Grocery shopping with Lana and Mari. Lana wants to make borscht; it's Mari's favourite. Sam didn't have the heart to wake you up, and I wanted to have a look at the schematics she called up for me."
"Oh, I heard you two talking shop when I drifted to sleep. You said he sabotaged your work?"
"Yes, judging from the information Sam gave me, Mackay didn't give us all the information needed to build our own reactors. There are at least half a dozen schematics in there I've never seen though the Russians were promised full disclosure."
"How did a German scientist end up working for the Russian government?" Janet suddenly asked.
"I was taken by Petrov's men when I was on my way to attend a conference in London. When I returned almost a year later, my job at the University had been given to another. I was pregnant; and no one wanted to give me another chance. When I was about to give up, Marina contacted me and brought me in on an international research project. That was the beginning. Mari and I went where the projects led us.
"When Svetlana called and told me about the naqada reactor project, and unofficially also about the Stargate, I knew that I had to be a part of it – at least as much as I could. It was the only way I could make some amends, to pay my debt."
"You got it wrong, Anna. I am in your debt. If you had not sacrificed yourself, if you had not focused Petrov's attention away from the other women, I shiver what would have happened to Sam, what would have become of her and me."
"Samantha is a very resourceful, strong woman. She would have found a way, and I only did what anyone would have done." Anna answered defensively.
"No, Anna, almost anyone else would have taken the chance to refocus his attention to someone else." Svetlana's voice came from a few feet away, "Years ago, I asked Marina about it. She didn't give any details, but she told me that she never would have been able to do what you did, that she would not have been strong enough. So, don't minimise what you did."
"Lana is right, Anna." Samantha suddenly had appeared next to the Russian scientist. "What you did for all of us would have destroyed me. Janet is right, I am in your debt. Without you I would not be the person I am now. I never should have treated you the way I did, Anna."
"It's in the past, Sam, and despite everything I can't really regret what happened. I got Mari out of the deal and this I never will regret. Besides, where is she?"
"In the kitchen. She almost threw us out; she said she had a surprise for Sam, and that she had to prepare it on her own. She'll call me as soon as she's finished."
"Do you care for some help in the kitchen, Lana?" the doctor asked in an effort to lighten the atmosphere.
"I'd love to have another pair of hands as long as Anna stays out of it. She can build the most complicated machines with her eyes closed but in the kitchen she's a walking disaster zone."
Janet chuckled and decided to stay in tune. "Well, let me tell you about the time Sam tried to simply warm-up a pot of pasta sauce. It took more than three hours to clean up the kitchen…"
The other two women rolled their eyes but were wise enough not to offer any kind of protest.
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Janet could but wonder about the easy friendship the four women and one girl developed over the course of the evening. The easy going atmosphere prevailed the next day but in the early hours of the afternoon General Etkind unexpectedly interrupted.
"I'm sorry, ladies, but I have news from Colorado Springs. It's not good. General Hammond wants to speak to you. I have arranged for a video conference. Could you prepare your toy in the study, Svetlana?"
"No problem, Sir. Follow me to the study."
The connection made, the others retreated back to the living room.
"Sam, Doc, I need you back at the base ASAP."
General Hammond looked haggard, to say the least. Janet didn't need to be a physician to see that he was under a great deal of stress and suffered from lack of sleep.
"What happened, Sir?"
"SG-12 ran into trouble on P3X-666, an ambush by Anubis. Sergeant Wells was injured and I sent Doctor Warner and SG-1 to bring him back. Things went downhill from there. We had a lot of injured. Wells will be okay but Warner received a lethal staff blast to the chest. Colonel O'Neill is seriously injured, and we have to prepare for a large scale attack. I need both of you, and I need you now. An X-302 is waiting for you. Hammond out."
The screen went black and the two Air Force Officers stared at it, only slowly understanding what they just had heard. Samantha blinked a few times. This was just too unreal, and she really didn't want to think about it. She long ago had accepted that every time she stepped through the Gate she risked her life. What was disturbing was the fact that under normal circumstances Janet would have been the logical choice to go and help Wells.
If it had not been for Marina's death Janet would have been sent to P3X-666. She would have been hit by the staff blast. She would have died. No, Samantha sternly chided herself, now was not the time to dwell on such thoughts, but she couldn't help it: She would have lost her lover. She would have lost the light of her soul.
She had to concentrate on the here and now. There was too much to do, even if she didn't think about the possible political repercussions of the latest events.
They said their good-byes to the others and promised to stay in contact. "Marina's last words were: Lyoo-bovh boo-dyet tvai-yah nah-prav-lyai-yoo-shtai-yah zvyez-dah. Vsyehg-dah. Love shall be your guiding star. Always.
"We hope to see you both soon under better circumstances, and Anna, let me know immediately should there be any more problems with Mackay."
They hugged each other and the two US Officers followed the General outside where an X-302 was waiting for them.
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Epilogue:A few days later Samantha and Janet were cuddled against each other in their bed. It was the first rest they'd had since their return from Russia. General Hammond had sent them home to get a good night's sleep. There wasn't much they could do but worry while waiting for the Pentagon to come up with a plan to fight off Anubis' slowly approaching fleet. The next day, SG-1 was scheduled to check out a planet where one of the other teams had found something that closely resembled one of the Ancient's knowledge repositories.
"Sam," Janet said from the cocoon of her lover's arms, "there's something I have to tell you."
Instead of giving an answer the blonde sought eye contact with the small doctor and raised her left eyebrow in question.
"Sam, yah tyeh-byah lyoo-blyoo."
„I love you too, Janet."
THE END
FYI: in case you didn't recognise it. The poem I have General Etkind recite is from Alfred Lord Tennyson; the beginning verses of "Aylmer's Field".
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APPENDIX:
Translations from Russian and German in order of appearance (and once again my heartfelt thanks to Svetla and Jen, my language gurus:
Russian (phonetical transcript – streß in bold) / German:
English translation:
Ah-nah oo-mee-rai-yet. Pree-yehz-zhai kahk mozh-nah skahr-yay-yeh. She's dying. Come as soon as you can.
Dohch-kah mai-yeh-voh syehrd-tsah. Daughter of my heart
Pah-kah vlee-yah-nee-yeh oo prosh-lah-voh nah vas, boo-dyet nah-stai-yah-shtyeh-yeh bahl-yez-nyen-noy-yeh. As long as the past has a hold of you, the present will be painful.
Dlyah tah-voh chtoh-bwee dyehr-zhat mai-ee pahm-yah-tee, yah oo-plah-choo tsyeh-noo. In order to keep my memories I'll pay the price.
mai-yah vtah-rai-yah math. my second mother
svyet yeh-yoh doo-shee. the light of her soul
Kriech zurück in dein Loch, du elender Feigling! Crawl back into hiding, you pitiful coward!
Yah dahlzh-nah bweet snyay. I have to be with her.
Yah vahs lyoo-blyoo, mai-yah vtah-rai-yah math. I love you, my second mother.
Bitte verzeihe mir, daß ich so lange gebraucht habe, um es zu verstehen. Please forgive me that it took me so long to understand.
Es gibt nichts zu verzeihen. There's nothing to forgive.
Bitte vergib' mir. Please, forgive me.
Warum isst du nicht eine Kleinigkeit und legst dich da drüben aufs Sofa, Mari? Ich wecke dich, wenn die Zeit gekommen ist. Why don't you eat something and get some rest on the couch over there, Mari? I'll wake you up when the time has come.
Ich will aber nicht allein hier draußen bleiben, Mama. But I don't want to stay out here all alone, Mom.
Ich möchte, daß du bei Janet bleibst, Liebling. Sam und ich müssen zu Onkel Grigori. Janet wird gut auf dich aufpassen. I want you to stay with Janet, sweetheart. Sam and I have to join Uncle Grigori. Janet will take good care of you.
Dlyah nyeh-kah-tah-rweekh rahd-noy yah-zeek nyeh yah-zeek eekh syehr-dyets. Syehrd-tsyeh Mah-ree-nwee gah-vah-ree-loh yah-zeek Shyehk-speer-ah ee Oo-eet-mehn-ah, ah eh-tah mwee boo-dyehm oo-vah-zhat. For some people their mother tongue is not the language of their hearts. Marina's heart spoke the language of Shakespeare and Whitman; and we will respect this.
Poost vsyehg-dah svyeht vah-shyay doo-shee ahs-vyeh-shtai-yeht nah-shee zheez-nee. May the light of your soul always illuminate our lives.
Prah-vah-dee-tyeh ah-myehr-ee-kahn-kee vkah-myeh-roo. Treed-saht shayst chass-of. Bring the American to the cell. 36 hours.
Dieses miese, kleine Wiesel! Weasel, rotten little weasel!
Lyoo-bovh boo-dyet tvai-yah nah-prav-lyai-yoo-shtai-yah zvyez-dah. Vsyehg-dah. Love shall be your guiding star. Always.
Yah tyeh-byah lyoo-blyoo. I love you.
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