"Kazuto…" Suguha whimpered. At the same time, she crumpled the paper that was drenched in her tears.
Why would you? How could you?! She felt weak and sick. Taking another look at the boy with the machine on his head, she bent over and cried into her hands. Do we really matter that little to you?!
She wanted to scream, to say that it wasn't fair… but before she could…
"Damnit."
She looked up when she heard that.
Slowly, her brother sat up before he put his hands on the NerveGear, forcing it down on to his head.
Kazuto!
Immediately forgetting her anger, she was going to call to him. However before she could, he said something concerning,
"Why won't it work…? Why can't I do anything right…? …Why can't I… see you again?" He shook his head. "No… I deserve to be hurt… after all the pain I caused, I deserve this…"
That was enough for her!
"Why do you think you deserve to be hurt?!" she demanded as she stomped to his bed.
Startled, he jumped back, nearly knocking his head against the wall.
"Sugu?!" he yelped. Frantically, he turned his head back and forth, as if trying to find an escape route. "Why are you here?!"
She leaned over to him and glared into his terrified, visor-covered eyes.
"I'm here," she immediately grabbed the NerveGear between her hands and yanked it off with a single, clean motion. After watching this machine hold him prisoner for over a year, tearing it off his head was the most cathartic feeling she ever experienced. "Because I care about you!"
She braced herself for a verbal assault, expecting him to bite back, maybe tell her not to be nosey.
Instead… he looked at her with a heartbroken expression. His grey eyes began to well up with tears as he started to cry.
"…Why…?" he begged her. "Why would you…?" he stopped. Then his tear-filled eyes fixed her in a glare. "How could you possibly care about me?!"
He pulled backwards, launching himself against the bed's backboard, away from her.
"I've hurt you! I turned you away all that time ago!" His expression became guiltier. "And I always hid the reason why!"
I know the reason why! she wanted to say, but he couldn't be stopped.
"You were my family but I acted like you were a stranger for such a stupid reason!" he yelled without restraint. "And despite that… you still care about me?! I don't deserve you!"
Her face started to blush at that last part.
"I'm an awful person! Do you know how many people I've hurt in Sword Art Online?! Not just the ones I've killed directly! But the ones who I'm still responsible for killing!"
She almost backed away in fear when she heard this. He's killed people?!
She stared at him, feeling a trickle of fear as she learned these dark facts about the one she loves. She couldn't help but feel afraid of him…
"I betrayed people who cared about me! It should have been me who didn't come home! After everything I've done, it's better if I don't go on living!"
He glared at her for another second before turning his head downwards. Taken off guard by his outburst, she could only stare at him blankly… his words still processing in her mind.
'It's better if I don't go on living!' Those awful words kept repeating in her head.
What she did next was completely instinctual.
Under normal circumstances, there's no way she would've ever considered doing such a thing to him. But deep down, she knew it was the right thing to do.
Her body moved on its own, her mind unable to stop it. Her arms shot forward and wrapped around his weak body. Her head came to a stop on his shoulder as she placed her crying eyes against his shirt.
She kept up this intimate embrace as she tried to calm them both down.
Kazuto was stunned for a few moments, then he tried to struggle out of her grip, his hands trying to get between them and push on her shoulders. But she wouldn't let go of him, not ever again.
"…Why Sugu…?" he asked again. "Why should you care about me…?"
His body started to relax but it still trembled slightly.
She knew that he was crying, just as she was.
"It's because," she started nervously, "I care about you… because I love you, my dear brother, Kazuto…"
Those words made him freeze completely.
"Love… me…?" he repeated.
She didn't let him think of the words too deeply, "I'm sorry, I have no idea what happened to you in SAO… and maybe I can never hope to…"
She steeled herself, ready to go a little deeper.
"The truth is, I just want you to feel better… I want you to be like you were before you were trapped in that game… I want you to be the best… big brother… again, I want you to be happy. I want you to care about me." She spoke brokenly as she let her feelings pour out.
I want you to love me.
She took a breath to steady herself.
"I may be wrong… and it may hurt, but I believe you need to talk about what's hurting you… no matter what our family says… and I promise, I will always be here to listen to you, my dear brother."
As she finished, she felt him start to shake and sob.
Slowly, he wrapped her arms around her as he pressed his face into her shoulder.
She soothingly stroked his back, as if he was a child, and in that moment, that's what he was – as fragile as a child.
He tried pushing on her, but she didn't let up. Eventually he gave up and held her tighter.
"Will you listen to me, Sugu?" he asked once he finally stopped sobbing.
"Of course, Kazuto," she reaffirmed her promise.
Slowly he stopped hugging her.
He tried to back away, but she still held him in a vise grip.
Reluctantly, she loosened it and sat next to him.
She was ready to hear him…
"I-"
No she wasn't! After the adrenaline wore off, she realized that she was drained and she couldn't listen to him and give him the advice he needed right now.
I'm not ready yet!
He stopped and shook his head. "I…I can't do it," he whispered sadly. "Not yet…"
She was almost relieved, however that was immediately overshadowed by guilt.
"I need time to get myself ready… so can we please…?"
"Alright," she spoke gently to him. "This Friday, we should discuss it then."
That should be enough time.
"Friday…" he repeated. "Okay, as long as you're still willing to listen…"
She smiled and touched his hands.
"Always," she told him.
He smiled at her. There was so much sadness and pain in it, but it was still so precious, so radiant. It took her breath away.
"Would you like to…?" she hesitated. "Would you like me to sleep with you again?"
His eyes widened adorably as he nervously looked away.
"Not tonight." Her heart plummeted. "I need to get ready by myself."
She smiled gently at him.
"Fine," she turned to go back to her room.
But first, she grabbed the NerveGear which she threw on his bed earlier. Initially she had the intention of taking it to her room and confiscating it – that way he wouldn't try that stunt again… however she merely placed it on his desk. I have to trust him not to do that again.
"You better not hurt yourself anymore, alright?" she warned him with a smile. "And if you try anything else stupid, you have to tell me first, okay?"
He returned her smile with one of his own.
"I promise, Sugu."
As she walked back to her room, she felt a slight spring in her step. She would've danced if she wasn't worried about waking up her mom.
As she lay in bed, she could only think of how they had made progress, and it felt so good.
I think this is my favourite chapter. Well, this one and the big reveal ones. It just feels so good for Suguha to make progress with Kazuto, I can't help but love it!
Okay, sorry about the fake-out last chapter. The idea just came up, so I just had to take it. This chapter and the last one were originally one chapter, but… yeah… It was rewritten from Kazuto simply hurting himself (didn't decide how before the rewrite, it just happened) to him trying to re-enter SAO. This event was mentioned in the LN but removed from the anime. One main difference is that Sugu actually did find out what he did and read his note. This is the third message I've written for an SAO story but the first one seen by readers, funny how things work. I'm sure Kirito's message in the LN was longer and more poetic but in my defence, this one hasn't been sitting in my notes as long as the other two I've written.
