TRIGGER WARNING FOR ANYONE WITH PTSD OR ANXIETY DISORDER!
Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy © to Disney and Square Enix!
Kraig and TJ © to YamiChaos27!
Iunia and Nico and other OCs © to me!
Joy © to Njoy!
Akira © to Lucywind!
Chapter 11: Trigger
The finals!
Roxas vs. Iunia.
The match went long and intense. Neither backing down.
But Roxas came out on top.
Hayner vs. Seifer.
Hayner fought hard, but Seifer took the victory.
And then it came to the match everyone wanted to see. The one Seifer bragged about days before in front of everyone at the bistro…
Roxas vs. Seifer!
The match began without a word between the two.
They'd already said enough.
Seifer moved quick. His strikes strong, and his height advantage allowed him to tower over Roxas.
But Roxas, he'd fought things so much bigger than this bully.
He didn't hold back this time.
Not like their fun spar before.
Both of them attacked one another.
If they'd had real weapons, this would be a true fight to the death.
Roxas ducked as a swing came right for his neck.
Slipping around, he aimed for Seifer's spine, right below the neck. Turning, Seifer blocked it.
The crowd watched in baited silence.
Roxas slashed, knocking Seifer's legs out from under him, but the older boy caught himself, grinning. "Not bad, Roxas!"
Not bad, Roxas.
The boy shut his eyes as an image of Axel on this very stage shot into his mind.
One year ago today.
A searing pain struck his back as he hit the ground suddenly.
"What happened!? You were so confident before!?"
You're coming with me, conscious or not.
Gritting his teeth, Roxas leapt up, swinging around.
He slashed at Seifer, more wild than usual.
The older boy backed up, eyes wide. "Hey!"
Roxas slashed, backing Seifer up to the edge of the arena. The older boy tried to duck around him, but Roxas slammed him in the sides and back, once, twice, three times.
He'd already hit him once.
Hit count to four.
With a scream, Roxas slashed, catching Seifer across the stomach.
The crowd erupted in cheers, making Roxas jump.
He blinked.
What… just happened?
Axel, Isa, and Xion on the sidelines looked at each other.
"Did that seem a little weird to you?"
"Very." Axel narrowed his eyes. "Roxas seemed angrier than usual. He's been a little short the last day or two, but that was certainly strange."
"And the winner is ROXAS!"
Kevin walked over, holding a large cup trophy filled with stuff. "Congratulations!"
"Uh, thank you!"
Kevin turned around. "Let's take a quick break folks before we come back and Roxas takes on the defending champion, SETZER!"
Standing to the side was the same man Roxas remembered.
And he looked just as annoying as before.
Stepping off to the side, he smiled at his friends. "Hey."
"Congrats!"
"You did it!" Hayner threw a arm around his shoulders. "I knew you'd do it!"
"What'd you win!?"
Roxas set down the trophy and began pulling stuff out.
Four passes for a free meal at the bistro.
12 coupons for sea salt ice cream.
And a cool jacket that said, 'Struggle Champion'.
Nico smiled. "I worked hard on that jacket, don't get it too dirty."
"You made it!?"
"Of course."
Smiling, Roxas put it on. "Thanks, Nico! It's great."
He felt a hand on his arm, and he looked over to see Xion. But she didn't seem to be smiling. "Are you ok?"
"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
The boy looked and saw Axel and Isa giving him a similar look. He smiled. "Yeah, I'm just fine." He handed the trophy to Axel and took off the jacket, handing it to Xion. "Keep that safe while I go trash Setzer."
Xion put the jacket on and gave him a little smile. "Just be careful, you were… really angry out there."
"Was I?"
"Yeah."
Isa nodded. "I've only seen you like that a few times."
"Are you really sure you're ok?" Axel put a hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm fine." The boy smiled and hopped up on stage as Setzer walked up too.
The announcer began calling out, announcing the fight as Setzer approached the boy. "Hey, rucksack, how about you throw the match for me. I'll make it worth-"
"No way. I'm winning this."
"Fine then."
The match began, and didn't last long.
How many other years did Setzer pay off the winners to keep this title? Well, not anymore!
"The winner is ROXAS!"
"To Roxas!" Everyone raised their cups.
Roxas, Axel, Xion, Isa, and all their new friends sat out on the grass in front of the mansion with an amazing picnic dinner from the bistro. All the parents pitched in for a celebration.
Roxas looked into his own cup with a smile.
He'd won again, this time in the real world.
His new friends around him, laughing and joking.
His new family too.
As his friends began to leave, Roxas stood up to bid them farewell.
Roxas stood up on the ledge of the clock tower. He teetered and fell off the edge, dropping toward the ground far below.
Roxas yelled as he fell back, hitting the grass.
His eyes could still see the clocktower edge getting further and further away.
His chest thudded.
"Roxas!?"
Xion's face appeared in his view.
He blinked.
He was… in front of the mansion.
"Are you ok?" Axel knelt beside him, helping the boy sit up.
He looked around.
All his friends looked at him.
Concerned.
"I'm fine… I think I'm just tired."
"It's been a long day." Axel helped him up. "You should go lay down."
"Oh, hey." Hayner called. "We probably won't be able to hang out tomorrow. We kinda put off our homework till the last minute, so we'll be working on that tomorrow."
"Ok. That gives Roxas time to rest up." Axel smiled.
We'll do the homework. Stupid independent study. So, anybody got any bright ideas for a topic?
Roxas groaned as his head ached. He could feel Axel's eyes turn to him.
"Let's get you to bed."
The boy moved as if in a trance.
He put on his pajamas and climbed into bed, staring at the photographs on his wall before drifting off.
Don't you want to know the truth about who you really are?
No one knows me better than me.
Of course…
…
…
About a year ago, some things happened, and I had to take apart the memories chained together in Sora's heart. But now… I'm putting them all back exactly the way they were. It's taken me a long time, but pretty soon Sora will be his old self again. The process has been affecting you too, Roxas.
You mean… the dreams?
Yes… you and Sora are connected. And… in order for Sora to become completely whole again… He needs you.
Me? What for?
You hold half of what he is… he needs you, Roxas.
…
…
It's funny… suddenly I feel like I don't know myself at all… I guess I would like to know. What do you know about me… that I don't?
You… you were never supposed to exist, Roxas.
Roxas sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes.
Just a dream…
No.
A memory.
Standing up, he walked over to a lamp and turned it on, looking at all the photographs on the wall.
He'd made so many memories.
But… he'd already done that once before.
So many memories.
Taking a photo in his hand, he looked down at a photo of Hayner, Pence, and Olette.
Which memories were real and which ones were not?
Or…
Were they all fake?
"Roxas?" Xion knocked on his door. "Breakfast is ready."
Nothing.
"Roxas?"
Slowly, the door opened.
"I'll be there soon."
Xion blinked. "You look exhausted. Are you feeling ok?"
"I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
"I said, I'm fine!" Pushing past her, he stomped to the kitchen.
The girl took a step back.
He'd never yelled at her like that before. She jogged to the study, glancing inside to where Isa sat. "Isa, I think Roxas is sick."
"Huh?"
"He just yelled at me, and he looks terrible."
"Let's go have a look." Standing up, he walked with the girl down to the kitchen. Axel stood in there, his back to them as he poured himself a cup of coffee.
Roxas sat at the table, staring at his breakfast with a strange, blank look.
"Roxas, are you feeling ok?"
That caught Axel's attention. He turned around as the boy nodded. "Roxas, you look a little pale. Did you sleep ok?"
"I slept fine. I'm just fine."
Axel set his coffee down and walked over, putting a hand on his shoulder.
You really do remember me this time? I'm SO FLATTERED!
The chair clattered to the ground as Roxas leapt away, his hands shaking. His heart pounded in his ears.
"Hey…"
"Roxas, what's wrong?"
The boy took a step back. "Leave me alone."
"But-"
"I said LEAVE ME ALONE!" Running to his room, he slammed the door shut, summoning his Keyblades to lock it shut.
"Roxas!"
Axel reached the door as magical light covered it, completely sealing off the door.
"You know I can open this, right?"
"I wouldn't." Isa sighed. "Let's give him some time to calm down. He's not in a good place to talk right now."
"If you say so."
They waited.
And waited.
Every few hours, they'd knock on the door and leave some food outside.
But the door didn't open.
As the day dragged on, the sky darkened as thunder rolled in the distance.
You know… we only have two more days together.
Huh?
Summer vacation, remember?
Oh… right.
…
Tomorrow we search the town.
Next day's the fair.
The last day of summer.
Roxas sat on his floor as night fell, the rain and thunder filling the air.
His stomach hurt as his body shook.
He felt cold even though sweat poured down his face.
Closing his eyes, he tried to focus on the rain.
…
Roxas, to the mansion!
The time has come!
…
His eyes shot open!
No.
Not again!
He couldn't…
He couldn't lose it all again.
He couldn't!
He-
He-
He had to get out of here!
He had to get away!
CRACK!
Xion jumped up as a loud thundercrack shook the house.
Taking a deep breath, she hugged her bear close and reached for the cup beside her bed.
Empty.
Oh well.
Tucking her bear under her arm, she grabbed the cup and walked into the hall.
Huh? Was Roxas's door open?
Peaking inside, she glanced around.
Empty.
CRACK!
She jumped again.
But, in the flash of lightning, she saw… the front door stood open.
Why?
Wait!
The cup fell from her hands as she ran to Isa's room.
"Isa! Wake up! Isa!"
A moment later, the door opened. The man rubbed his eyes, but smiled down at her. "You ok? The storm wake you?"
"I think Roxas is gone!"
"What!?"
She pointed to the open front door.
"Wake up Lea. I'll check around the house."
The girl ran to Axel's door and knocked. "Axel! I think Roxas is gone! Wake up!"
The door opened, the man rubbing his eyes. "Gone? What?"
"Look!" She pointed to the door.
"Why would he-? Whatever. Xion, go check downstairs in the basement. I'll go check outside."
Putting on a jacket, Axel walked into the backyard first, walking around the entire mansion.
As he reached the front door, he saw footprints in the mud.
Bare feet.
Moving away.
Going inside, he called. "Get a jacket! He's gone outside."
"I'll head to the police station." Isa grabbed his jacket. "I think Wedge is on graveyard shift tonight. We'll need help to search for him."
"Alright." Xion came up. "Xion, can you check in town, all the normal spots. I'll check underground in the tunnels, and I'll go to the terrace."
"I'll get Wedge and we can search the woods."
"Sounds good."
Taking off into the rain, Axel glanced around him. Summoning his Keyblade, he let the glow light the way. He could see the footprints going closer to town.
Roxas.
What happened?
What's gonna happen to me now? Just tell me that. Nothing else really matters anymore.
Xion ran first to the top of the clocktower.
Nothing.
She'd hoped he'd come here first, but maybe that was wishful thinking.
There's no knowledge that has the power to change your fate.
Even if it doesn't, I wanna know. I have the right to know!
A Nobody doesn't have a right to know. Nor does it even have the right to be.
Isa ran into the police station, dripping wet.
Wedge sat up as he ran inside. "Isa? What's going on?"
"Roxas ran off."
"In this weather?"
"Yeah. He freaked out this morning and locked himself in his room all day. And then he took off. Can you help me search the woods around the house?"
"Of course!" He grabbed a flashlight, and they ran outside.
Roxas. Nobodies like us are only half a person. You won't disappear. You'll be whole!
I'll… disappear…?
"Roxas! Roxas!"
Axel pulled down his hood as he walked through the underground tunnels.
"Roxas!"
He paused as he saw a puddle of something on the ground.
Vomit.
Not far off, he saw a broken bottle and some blood on the ground.
The blood trailed off down the tunnel.
"Roxas?"
Following the trail, he came to a small storage area filled with boxes.
He could hear something in the pile.
Moving some aside, he saw a figure, soaking wet, shirt stained with a little vomit, foot covered in blood, curled up in the back corner, shaking.
"Roxas?"
You're lucky. Looks like my summer vacation is… over.
Roxas didn't even notice the boxes moving at first.
He looked up as someone cursed under their breath. A tall figure, pulled their jacket from where it caught on a nail.
Pulling back into a corner, the boy gasped, his breath coming in short gasps as he held back the urge to vomit again.
"Roxas…"
The figure knelt down.
He blinked, looking into the face of Axel.
"Please… don't kill me. I just want to live."
…
"Roxas, where are you right now?"
"I-I'm we're in that stupid data town! He's going to take it all away from me! I'll lose everything again! And you're trying to take me back!"
Oh!
One year ago… one year ago, tomorrow.
The day Roxas lost everything.
"Roxas. Look at me. This is real life. You're safe. Remember, I'm not really Axel, it's Lea now." He tapped his cheeks. "No tears, see. And Xion and Isa are here, well not here, here. They're looking for you."
He sat down, glancing at Roxas's foot. "You want me to heal that?"
Huh?
The boy looked down. Only then did his foot begin to throb with pain.
"Augh!"
Axel summoned Flame Liberator in his hand, making sure to keep the blade low as he cast Cure.
Roxas stared at the blade.
In the new light, Axel could see his wide eyes, like a cornered animal.
"Roxas," he dismissed the blade, "you're safe. You're in the real world. You have friends, a home. You have school on Monday. You have Xion and Isa. You have me. Remember, I'm your guardian now. And you're Roxas Mills, part of my family. Remember?"
Roxas Mills?
Family?
…
"You know, a family isn't just a legal term or people you share blood with. It's a bit more than that. It's a group of people who are not only friends, but they are even closer than that. They take care of each other, and sometimes they fight, but they… they never let the fighting drive them apart. No matter what, to me, you're both family. Isa is too; he was kinda like a brother to me since we were kids."
…
"Roxas is taking my last name. And his birthday will be December 22nd."
…
That's right…
His breathing slowed a little.
"Take some deep breaths, slowly." Axel smiled. "And listen to your heart. Last time you couldn't hear it, could you?"
Huh?
Heart?
Was that the pounding he'd been hearing?
His heart…
Axel pulled out his phone sending a quick message to Xion and Isa as Roxas calmed himself down. "Roxas, let's go home."
"But… what will happen tomorrow?"
"Nothing."
"But-"
"Roxas, I promise. Tomorrow, everything will still be here. I promise."
"You promise…"
"You've just gotta trust me, Roxas."
…
"You've just gotta trust me, Roxas."
"I don't… I can't…"
"Roxas!?"
…
The boy looked up into his guardian's face. "I-I trust you."
Axel smiled, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as he held out a hand, helping the boy up. Taking off his jacket, he put it around Roxas.
"It's still wet outside, and you're soaked." They began to walk back. "You know what might make you feel better?"
"What?"
"Well, we can't break the computer right now, but I think that datascape transporter we have in the basement isn't serving any purpose. Want to smash it when you get home?"
"Can I?"
"Absolutely."
"Roxas!" Xion ran up and hugged him as they came inside. The boy slowly returned the hug.
Axel put a hand on his head. "Go on downstairs and you can do what we talked about. When you're done, go take a shower and get some sleep."
"Can we sleep in the living room tonight? All of us?"
Looking around, Axel smiled as Isa nodded. "I think we can do that."
"Ok." Going downstairs, Roxas dropped Axel's wet jacket on a chair.
Wedge, who'd been watching from the side, sighed. "How is he?"
"Better, but I think he'll feel better after tomorrow. Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of when things pretty much ended for him. That's what happened tonight."
"You know," the other man sighed, "you gave us the minimal details of what happened before, and from what I just saw, I think these kids need some more support. Have you guys thought about getting them and you into therapy?"
"Therapy?"
"Yeah. Think about it. I'll send Biggs by in the morning to see how things are going. Goodnight." He pulled up the hood on his jacket and headed out into the rain.
"What's therapy?"
"Don't worry, Xion. We'll explain. Why don't you go change into some dry clothes and go set up in the living room?"
"Ok."
As she left, the two men looked at each other. "I think he's right."
"But what therapist could help us out?"
Axel tapped his chin. "I actually have an idea. I'll have to make a call in the morning, but we might have another guest staying for a while."
"If that's what we have to do, then let's do it."
After a little while, Axel went downstairs.
He found Roxas sitting in front of the destroyed teleporter.
"Hey."
"Hi…"
"Why don't you go take a shower? We've got everything set up in the living room." He watched the boy wipe his eyes before standing up. "Everything's gonna be ok." Holding out his arms, the boy walked into him, giving him a hug. "It's going to be ok."
Axel woke up the next morning, Roxas in the sleeping bag next to him. Isa on the other side, with Xion on the end, holding her bear.
Roxas lay asleep, looking peaceful.
What time was it?
Gosh. Almost noon.
But no surprise there.
Standing up, he heard a knock on the front door. Walking over, he opened it to see Biggs. "Hey, no one answered earlier, so I came back."
"Yeah. Long night."
"I heard. How is he?"
"Sleeping."
"Good. Olette and the others heard a little about what happened. They asked me to deliver this, and to tell you that they'll be waiting at the bistro for when he's ready to come out." He handed Axel a folded piece of paper.
"Thanks."
"Take care."
Axel went back, seeing Roxas sitting up. "Where did you go?"
"Biggs was at the door, and your friends wanted you to have this." Axel knelt down, handing him the paper. "Now, I bet you're hungry after not eating yesterday." He looked over at the other two. "So, we could wait for them to wake up or try to make something ourselves."
"We're up." Isa shot up, immediately pointing a finger at Axel. "You're not allowed in the kitchen after last week."
"It was one time!"
"Lea, you burned RAMEN of all things."
Isa stood up and headed for the kitchen. Axel followed, pleading his case.
Roxas looked down at the paper in his hands as Xion sat up, scooting over toward him. "Here." She held out her bear. "Stella always makes me feel better."
Gently taking the bear in his arms, Roxas opened the piece of paper with Xion looking over his shoulder.
"Dear Roxas and Xion,
I hope you two know how happy we are to have you as friends.
We only know a little about what you've been through, but we know that you're some of the strongest people we know.
We're always here if you want to talk.
You're not alone.
You have your family and us now.
Your friends,
Hayner, Pence, Olette, Nico, Iunia, Joy, Kraig, TJ, Akira, Fuu"
Roxas wiped his eyes. He could feel Xion shaking a little too.
The girl put her arms around him, and he put his around her.
"I'm sorry you have nightmares, Xion…"
"And I'm sorry you keep remembering your last time here…"
"Do you think we'll ever forget our past?"
"I don't know…"
Xion wiped her eyes and looked at him. "But, if we hold onto it, I don't think we can move on. What do you think?"
"I agree, but what if it keeps coming back without out permission?"
"I don't know."
"I'm getting us all some help for that." Axel stood in the doorway.
"Is it that 'therapy' thing Mr. Wedge talked about?"
Therapy?
"What's therapy?"
Axel knelt down. "Well, basically you talk to someone about your problems and they help you find ways to solve and deal with them. I plan to make a call today to the only person we know who might be able to help."
"Ok."
"Do you think it will help?"
"I think it will."
After a very large brunch, Roxas and Xion left, the girl holding his hand to help him know she was still there.
She promised to call if he had another episode, but hopefully their friends would help.
Axel sat down in the study, across from Isa, and pulled out his phone.
The phone rang and a familiar face appeared on screen.
"Hiya, Axel."
"Uh, King Mickey, we have a question."
"Yes?"
"Is Jiminy Cricket there? We'd like to talk to him."
For this chapter I did research on PTSD episodes, and I have personal experiences with panic attacks, so these responses are based on the medical documents I found.
