Chapter 11
Judy's birthday was only days away and nothing had changed in the four weeks since Will's celebration. Don continued his exercise program with extremely slow progress and Maureen continued her collection and separation of the animal saliva that held so much promise. Her next step was to experiment on animals to determine what body systems were affected by the enzyme. So far, the only verification she had regarding its healing properties was with the skin. She wanted to determine how the enzyme affected bones and nerves, but this was not an area of her expertise, so it would be a slow process. Preparation for Judy's birthday now took her attention and she was determined to do what she could to make it a true celebration.
February 23, 2000
It's been almost a year now. There is a permanent line between Don's eyebrows, so I know that his pain is ever present. He doesn't complain and he accepts help from all of us, but it's like he's an empty shell. He's back down into his dark hole and I've jumped in right behind him. We need a lifeline, something to hang onto that will give us some hope, but I'm afraid that we're both in too deep. There is no joy in our lives and it's spreading to the rest of the family. I never knew that depression could be contagious... at least not with my family.
It had been another quiet day at the Jupiter's encampment. Maureen turned to her husband, full of anxiety about her daughter's twenty-second birthday. "John, I don't know what to do for Judy's birthday."
"What does she want?"
"I asked her, and she said that there was nothing she wanted that anyone could give her. It's like she and Don are just withering away."
"Maybe all she needs is some sign from Don that he hasn't given up hope?"
"I'm afraid he already has."
"Well, darling, I'll talk with him in the morning."
Judy hadn't been able to sleep and sat at the galley table, journal in hand. Writing seemed to be her only comfort, the only thing that saved her from the bleakness that surrounded her marriage.
February 24, 2000
Mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday celebration. I couldn't answer her. The very idea of a celebration actually made me feel nauseous. I don't feel like I have anything to celebrate right now.
Our 'meditations' don't work anymore to bring his pain down. He says that the burning is always there. Tonight, when he came to bed, I put my arms around him and he just lay there. He accepted it, but it was like
Judy startled and dropped her pen when her father entered the galley. John, up at his usual time, was surprised to find Judy already at the table, since she was rarely an early riser.
"Judy? What are you doing up?"
"Dad!" She retrieved her pen and continued, "I just couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come here to write a bit."
John placed a hand on her shoulder and suggested, "Come take a walk with me and watch the sun rise."
She place her pen in the crease of her open journal and left the Jupiter with her father.
Don noticed is wife's absence when he awoke, but thought little of it as he prepared himself to endure yet another day of hell. As he entered the galley, his eyes were drawn to Judy's journal like a magnet, and this time he felt no guilt in reading it. 'There is no joy in our lives… I never knew depression could be contagious.' He rolled himself away from the table, still numb from what he had read. He made his way to the top of ramp, looking for Judy, but stopped short when he heard her talking with her father.
"Judy, I still have to talk with your mother about this, but I've come to a decision."
"What's that?"
"We're going back to Marvenius."
"What! Dad, it's too dangerous!"
"It's Don's only hope of help. I can't stand by and watch your marriage disintegrate. It's like you're both disappearing. If we wait much longer we're going to lose one or both of you."
Don was more than literally paralyzed by this announcement. He couldn't allow his family to take that risk just for him. He had no idea what he was going to do, but he knew he had to leave the ship and almost ran Maureen over in the process as he headed down to the Chariot's bay, where his hover bike was stored.
Riding the bike was one of the few times that Don felt as if he were normal again. The bike replaced his useless lower body as his love of speed took him further and further away from his suffocating life. He rode for what seemed to be an endless amount of time. He wanted to ride away into oblivion… away from the physical pain he felt… away from the emotional pain of seeing the sorrow in his wife's eyes… away from the life he had come to hate.
Maureen called after Don, but he didn't respond. She wasn't sure if he had deliberately ignored her or simply hadn't heard her call. As she made the morning coffee, she spied Judy's journal open on the table and couldn't help glancing at it. She was alarmed at what she read and went in search of her daughter. She found John and Judy at the base of the ramp just as Don flew by on the hover bike.
"Judy!" Maureen ran down the ramp. "I believe Don read your journal."
Judy exchanged a horrified look with her father.
"Dad, I don't know what he's going to do."
"I'll get the jet pack and look for him."
Working as quickly as he could, John lifted off, but this did not ease Judy's worry. She felt a force pulling her away from the encampment, and she knew exactly where it would lead her. Soon after her father left, Judy hiked as quickly as she could to the swimming hole.
Don found himself at the top of the waterfall, staring down into the churning waters below him. He had no idea how he had gotten there, nor what he was going to do next. A battle was being waged in his mind and he suspected that there would be no victor. A force was drawing him towards the abyss below him. End the pain… It started as a whisper and gradually increased in volume as the words swirled around in his mind.
End the pain…
End the pain…
End the pain…
He closed his eyes and tightened his grip on the handlebars. He revved the engine once, twice, three times, but was unable to move. A vision of Judy's face bloomed before him, and the battle escalated.
End her pain…
I can't…
End her pain!
I can't…
End it now!
Not like this…
End it!
No! Not like this!
Every cell in his being screamed for him to reclaim his life, and the battle was decided. He opened his eyes just as Judy came around the bend. Their eyes locked. Instead of plunging into the churning depths, he brought the bike into a graceful leap, skimming across the surface of the water and ending at her side.
She straddled the bike in front of him and put her arms around his neck. He leaned his forehead against hers and whispered, "I can't…"
Even though she was afraid of what he might say, she had to hear it. "What? What can't you do?"
"I can't… end the pain. I'm sorry… I tried…"
"Tell me what you tried to do."
He held her face into his hands and stared into her eyes. "If I died, I'd end our pain."
"Oh, Don… No!" She sobbed. "Don't you see? I'd be in pain forever if you killed yourself."
He wrapped his arms around her and enveloped her in his cocoon of sorrow as she pulled him into her cocoon of love. They buried their faces into each other's necks for a few moments and then turned until they found their lips. The silken strands of their cocoons meshed and intertwined until they formed a cocoon of strength, and maybe even hope.
John encountered this scene and hovered until he was sure of the outcome, then he returned to the Jupiter to prepare his wife for their return.
