Ranma ½:
The First Movie
"Big Trouble in Nekonlon, China!
A Battle to Defy the Rules!"

Starring the voice talents of:

ROB PAULSEN as Ranma Saotome
VENUS TERZO as Ranko Saotome
SCOTT D. MENVILLE as Kenma Saotome
LACEY CHABERT as Ukyo Kuonji
JOHN PAYNE as Prince Kirin
GREY DELISLE as Lychee

ANGIE COSTAIN as Nabiki Tendo
MEGAN HOLLINGSHEAD as Kasumi Tendo
MYRIAM SIROIS as Akane Tendo
TERRY MACGOVERN as Jinn the Djinn
TED LEWIS as Ryoga Hibiki
MICHAEL HAIGNEY as Wilbur
ED GILBERT as Genma Saotome
RENÉ AUBERJONOIS as Soun Tendo
LEN CARLSON as Happosai
JUNE FORAY as Cologne
CATHY WESELUCK as Shampoo
WILL RYAN as Junichi
PAMELA ADLON as Ryunosuke
ADAM WYLIE
as Mousse
NICK MISURA as Ebiten
MICHAEL "MIKEY" DOBSON as Daihakuse
PAUL DOBSON as Daikokuse
DALE D. KELLY as Bishamonten
TRAVIS WILLINGHAM as Kuno
LINDA BOYD as Monlon
TERRY KLASSEN as Wu

As told by BRICE ARMSTRONG!


This is Nerima. Slow...quiet...some would even say, dull.

That is, until Happosai goes out to do his rounds.

As the women of Nerima started hanging their undergarments outside on laundry lines, a diminutive, robber-mask-wearing pervert hopped onto their balconies and began snatching them and bagging them as he darted and dodged across the rooftops.

"Wotta haul! Wotta haul!" he crowed gleefully as he pranced across the rooftops like a demented goblin. As far as he cared, this was his livelihood, and anyone who felt like trying to get in his way could gladly go eat a big mound of dirt!

"This is fabulous! I could go on like this for-ever!" he laughed as he jumped down and began running along a fence. Suddenly, a surge of dark energy could be felt, and he came to a halt, glancing around in curiosity.

Suddenly, as he glanced to his far left, he spotted his target. "I see you...!" he cried out as he leapt up to the next balcony and snatched another piece of clothing.

"A brassiere! A brassiere!" he cheered, prancing like a little kid who'd just won Capture the Flag-and sadly, that wasn't even the last one he'd steal. As he hopped through town, the screams of panicked women could be overheard.

"YOU PERVERT!"

"SOMEBODY HELP!"

"HOW DISGUSTING!"

"NO!"

Happosai trotted merrily down the road, clutching armfuls of bras and panties. "What's that, dearies?" he asked. "You all want to come with me?"

As he did, he suddenly sensed the crackling dark energy once again. Darting around the corner, he never noticed Tomo, perched atop a fence and observing.

"SO THERE YOU ARE!" Happosai shouted, only to be smashed into by a VW bug. Just because he was a powerful martial artist didn't make him immune to being crashed into by a car; after all, he WAS only 2 ft. tall!

Naturally, he was sent flying into the sky, and all the underwear he'd stolen was raining down like confetti. Happosai began to bawl like a baby whose bottle had just been stolen away.

"NOT MY PRECIOUS PANTIES...!"


cue movie title:

Ranma ½: The First Movie
"Big Trouble in Nekonlon, China! A Battle to Defy the Rules!"


Chapter 1: Nothin' But Trouble!

THE TENDO DOJO...

It was relatively peaceful over there; Soun and Genma were out in the yard, drinking their tea while playing shogi, as per usual. While they did, Happosai came snooping around as he bounded across the laundry line.

"Now where could it be?" he pondered, glancing around. "How very odd..."

But after a few minutes of searching, he saw what he was looking for: a hanger wheel full of the Tendo girls' undergarments!

"Then this means...they must be alone and UNPRO-TEC-TED!" Happosai grinned. "The panties! I'll steal them! NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!"

But as he leapt towards them, he suddenly found himself unable to move further. That would be because his bag was being held down by one Ranma Saotome, and Kenma leapt up and threw a jockstrap right in the old geezer's face. Immediately, Happosai turned green in the face, and fell right off, landing on the ground. "N-need...panties...to live..." he wheezed, struggling to keep himself upright.

"That's gonna be a problem, because you want yourself to live," stated Ranma. "And, well...we don't."

"What's that, boys?" asked Happosai as he managed to get himself upright. "You want some panties, too? I don't mind sharing the spoils of victory!"

"With YOU in the mix, any victory can be considered spoiled!" Kenma retorted.

"Alright, I'll make you a deal, how about Akane's panties?" Happosai tried to negotiate. "I know how much you both like 'er!"

"Fat chance, fat-head!" Kenma snapped.

"What are you, nuts?!" Ranma added. "I want a pair of that tomboy's panties about as much as I want a hole in my head!"

"And WHO are you calling a tomboy?!" growled a female voice. The boys glanced up to a nearby window, and saw Akane glaring down at them. She was wearing a blue shirt, and an orange vest & skirt with it.

And like some sick cosmic joke, Akane had only shown up at the most inopportune time.

"I expected this sort of behavior from Happosai..." she groused. "...but now you AND Kenma are trying to steal my panties?!"

Kenma rolled his eyes. "You can't seriously believe that's what's happening..." he spoke up.

"YOU'RE EVEN WORSE THAN HAPPOSAI!" Akane yelled as she picked up a barbell. "YOU SHAMELESS JERKS!"

Immediately she pitched them like a baseball player, and knocked all three of them straight into the koi pond. Seconds later, Kenma was the first to emerge.

"YOU CRAZY DOBBER!" he yelled. "Are you TRYING TO GIVE SOMEONE A CONCUSSION?!"

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE?!" yelled Ranko, as Happosai slipped some underwear into her hand. "I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOUR UNDERW—huh?"

Kenma glared daggers at the smirking old man, who floated casually in the pool.

"I DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO A PERVERT LIKE YOU!" Akane roared as she pulled out her ACME-brand mallet and jumped down, swinging it at the Saotome siblings, both of whom scampered out of the pond.

"My, this is quite the tumultous situation, is it not?" asked Kenma casually.

"It is indeed, brother dear," Ranko nodded. "Shall we vacate the premises?"

"Indubitably, sister," Kenma agreed. "Especially since that disreputable fellow seems to be absconding."

It was true; Happosai was scampering over the fence with his ill-gotten undergarments, and the Saotome sibs were soon in hot pursuit...and Akane & her mallet weren't too far behind.

As they scampered off, Nabiki came outside with a parasol. "Well, at least this sting operation wasn't too much of a bust," she commented, as Tomo came down from the fence. She petted the Meowth as he settled into her lap. "They DID lure the little creep out of hiding."

Tomo meowed in response.


MEANWHILE...

Junichi and Ryunosuke were out taking a stroll through town when they overheard Happosai approaching.

"Ah, what bliss!" crooned the decrepit old wretch. "A man of my experience being pursued by two lovely girls! I'm quite the gigolo, aren't I?"

"You're quite the pain in the butt is what you are!" Kenma retorted as he launched a sweep-kick, only for it to be avoided. "Just give up and take your licks!"

"YOU OUGHTA TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE!" Akane bellowed, as she swung her mallet once more.

Once again, Kenma dodged. "Strike one!"

WHIFF! Another dodge. "Whiffer! Stee-rike two!"

WHIFF! A third dodge. "Strike Thu-ree! Tendo won't be batting in the Major Leagues any time soon, not with a lousy average like that!"

WHIFF! WHIFF! "Don't you get what 'you're out' means?" Kenma asked, grabbing the head of the mallet. "Here, let me show you!" Before Akane could wrench it free, she found her mallet being yanked from her grasp.

Kenma glanced at the large hammer with a distasteful expression. "Big, heavy, and only good for smashing..." he critiqued. "A fitting weapon for a brainless brute who only knows how to break bricks and training dummies."

"Hey! Gimme my mallet back!" demanded Akane, her face red.

With a smirk, Kenma glanced at the fourth wall. "Well folks, whaddya think?" he asked, cupping an ear. "Should I let 'er have it?"

"Yup!" Ranko replied, giving two thumbs up. "Let her have it!"

"Ooookay, if you say so!" Kenma grinned as he hoisted the mallet into the air. "FOOOOOORE!" he bellowed, before he swung it and knocked Akane for a loop.

WHAM-BAM-THANK-YOU-MA'AM!

The blue-haired girl was knocked backwards, landing in front of a certain lost boy. Seeing the tail-end of what had transpired, Ryoga immediately glanced at Kenma, his eyes alight with anger.

"Kenma, you slimeball!" he bellowed. "How dare you hurt Akane! Mark my words, you're going to PAY!"

"You'll have to catch me first." Kenma grinned as he smacked his butt a couple times before he and Ranko ran off. Just as Ryoga was about to give chase, a passing car drove through a puddle, splashing him. As the car drove off, only a certain black piglet was left in its wake.

With a furious squeal, Wilbur tore ass out of there, racing after the Saotomes.

On the ground, Akane's eyes spun as tiny little stars were orbiting her skull. "Look! Stars..." she babbled. "Ready when you are, Rumiko..."


Ranko and Kenma continued pursuing Happosai across the rooftops, moving on foot as they did.

"Try THIS on for size!" Ranko snapped as she picked up a roof tile and hurled it at the fleeing old fogey. Instead of knocking him down, however, it picked him up and pushed him along through the air.

"Thanks, sweetie! I always DID prefer air travel to walkin'!" Happosai beamed. As he soared through the sky, he suddenly felt a sharp sting right on the left side of his ass. "YEEE-OWW! GREAT HORNY-TOADS! MY BISCUITS 'RE BURNIN'!" he shrieked.

The one who'd fired the shot was none other than Nabiki, who was clutching a smoking pistol while atop her Vespa scooter. "And unless you want ANOTHER dose, you're gonna give back my brassiere!" she called out.

"Gotta catch me first, baby!" Happosai shouted back as he took off running after landing on another distant rooftop.

"Nice to have you join us, Nabiki," greeted Kenma casually. "Looks like you're also down to kick some pervy geezer butt, am I right?"

Nabiki pocketed her pistol. "Just try and stop me," she smirked.


Once he was out of sight, Happosai hopped to the ground and ran into Okonomiyaki Ucchan's; of course, since he was flat broke, he raced in, snatched up the food after it'd been cooked, and darted out.

"Send the bill to the Tendo Dojo, care of Ranma and Kenma Saotome!" he crowed as he raced off, scarfing down his ill-gotten gains. But Ukyo didn't have any patience for those who dared to dine and dash—especially not that grimy little gremlin Happosai.

"Nobody dines, dashes, then sticks my Ranma-honey with the bill and gets away with it," she remarked as she got out her spatula and joined in the chase. By this point, Shampoo, Mousse, Cologne, and all three Kuno family members had joined in the wild chase, and it was beginning to snowball out of control!

Amongst the others who got swept up in the hi-jinks were one Tsubasa Kurenai (who'll be playing a big role later this season, so keep your eyes peeled), Mikado Sanzenin and Azusa Shiratori, Ms. Midori, Maomaolin, Dojo Destroyer, Gosunkugi, Dr. Tofu, the Furinkan Drama Teachers...and Ling-Ling and Lung-Lung.

"Now that I've had my morning meal, I'd better go home for lunch!" Happosai beamed, right before Ranko grabbed him by the back of his bindle. "Well, if it ain't my best pupil!"

He glanced behind them all, and his eyes bugged out at how many characters the writers and artists managed to cram into this scene!

"What's this? Some kinda marathon?" Happosai queried.

Ranko glowered. "Who d'ya think is the cause of all this...YA LECHEROUS OLD FOOL!" she yelled, booting Happosai into the air.

In the distance, atop the smokestack of an abandoned factory, an orange-haired girl watched; she was clad in mostly-blue clothing.

"At last...I've finally found you..." she scowled, her clenched fists trembling with anger. "...Happosai...!"

As she concentrated, an ominous energy began to surge forth.


Gravity won out, and Happosai fell back to the ground, leading the charge-of-sorts.

"Ain't you the old master?" asked Kenma, riding behind Nabiki's Vespa while using the cloud.

"Fool!" Happosai retorted. "As my disciples, it's your duty to sacrifice yourselves to save my ass!"

"Yeah, right!" Ranko riposted. "If anybody deserves comeuppance more than my old man, it's YOU!"

"This is all YOUR fault!" Akane snapped. "You two never change!"

"Oh, shut up already!" Kenma spat. "Would it kill ya to hear OUR side of the story instead of just going ballistic? Or is smashing all you're good for?"

"Always excuses!" Akane remarked. "What about your little tete-a-tetes with Shampoo?"

"One, we've reached an understanding," Kenma explained calmly. "And second, it's not a toot-a-toot, it's a polygamous relationship. You'd know that if you weren't such a prude."

"And YOU!" Akane snapped, turning to Ranko. "You're always flirting with Ukyo, yet you're supposed to be engaged to me!"

"Well, last I checked, YOU didn't want any part of our dads' boneheaded pledge!" Ranko retorted. "Y'know, that's your problem, Akane: you're fickle. You can't make up your goddamn mind!"

"I AM NOT FICKLE!" spat Akane.

"YES, YOU ARE!" Ranko retorted. "You go pigshit whenever I'm around another girl, but when I'm around you, you flip out and bitch at me! So what do you want, Akane? Do you want me as your fiance? Do you just like having me be lonely forever? WHAT. THE FUCK. DO YOU WANT?"

"Maybe I would want you for a fiance if you'd be nice and considerate, like Ryoga!"

"As in the moron who couldn't solve a maze on a kiddie placemat if the exit was in a straight line? Don't make me laugh!"

"If you think saying that to a girl is gonna make her shut up, then keep dreamin'!"

"Gladly, but when I do, I'll dream of something hotter!"

"What's THAT supposed to mean?!"

"What're you, deaf AND dumb?" Ranko asked. "Lemme spell it out: you're built like a stick! Your face makes me sick! Dumb as a brick! Annoying macho chick! Can't even kick! Ya talk like a hick! And you're such a dick! How does it feel to know that in looks, you come in dead last to a GUY that turns into a girl?!"

"Why, YOU—" began Akane, before a massive burst of energy knocked the others flying in different directions.

"...okay, does anyone else feel that?" asked Kenma.

"I taste that," Ranko responded.


BACK AT HOME...

Kasumi and Jinn had made lunch for the family: a big pot of curry.

Genma let out a hearty laugh. "Kasumi, your cooking is always a crowd-pleaser!" he declared.

"Why, Mr. Saotome, you flatter me," the brunette woman responded. Probably trying to butter me up so he can mooch more home cooking off of me, no doubt... she thought.

"Compliments won't get you seconds, Saotome," chided Soun. "And save me some of those fukujin pickles for me, would you?"

"I wonder...where are the others?" pondered Kasumi.

Jinn gently patted her shoulder. "If I know those guys, they'll drop in when you least expect 'em." he reassured her.

"They've probably picked up the scent of her delectable cooking, and are on their way!" Genma spoke up, continuing to try and wring out more food through flattery.

As if he knew what was going to happen, Jinn turned to Kasumi. "Kasumi, I got something in the kitchen," he said. "Would you mind accompanying me?"

"It wouldn't be any trouble," smiled Kasumi as she followed Jinn out of the room. Seconds later, the patio doors exploded open, knocking everyone all over the place. When the smoke cleared, it looked as though a bomb had gone off.

Soun looked around the place, dismayed. "...so much for my nice, quiet weekend at home..." he whimpered. "Ranma! Kenma! Akane! Explain yourselves!" he suddenly demanded.

"What's to explain, daddy?" Nabiki inquired as she got up and dusted herself off. "I think that says it all."

Glancing in the direction Nabiki gestured, Soun turned and saw the tremendous ball of dark energy, and shrieked in fright!

"...what in the heck IS that?" asked Ranma.

Suddenly, the dark energy convulsed, and dissipated, giving way to...an elephant.


That's right, we're bringing in the adaptation of Big Trouble in Nekonron, China/The Battle of Nekonron, China! A Battle to Defy the Rules!
I felt like we needed a break from the main storyline, and this would give us time to plot it out while this movie's adaptation is being written and posted.

Trust me, there's gonna be some changes, and NOT just including Kenma and my other OCs. What will they be?
Only one way to find out: keep reading, and stick around for the next chapter:

"The Coming of Kirin". See ya then.

Teyandee~!