Tony Stark was a smart man. His intelligence was one of the things he valued most about himself. On occasion, he had even been called brave. He was also proud. What he was planning to do, however, was inexcusably dumb and cowardly and Tony took no pride in his decision. Sooner or later, he would have to face the music, but first needed to turn off that stupid song.
Tony lifted his glass to his lips and drank the remaining scotch that hadn't spilled on his leg. He was tempted to pour another refill, but his head was already a mess. He didn't need to be inebriated on top of it all. So, he pushed himself up from the sofa, careful not to wake Martha, walked over to the radio and switched it off. The sudden silence in the room caused Martha to stir, but she didn't wake.
Tony stared at her and weighed his options. He wanted to be the man she thought he was, but she had more faith in him than he had in himself. Hopefully, she would hold on to that feeling because, one day, he would try to make it all up to her. One day, if he was lucky, she might even forgive him. But he couldn't think about redemption right now. He had to act before he changed his mind.
He moved over to the couch and gently lifted Martha into his arms. She mewled softly and snuggled up close to his chest. Tony wondered if she could hear the way she made his heart race.
It took some finagling but he managed to hit the elevator button and get inside with Martha in his arms. Once they reached the second floor, he lowered her down gently to bed and tucked her in beneath the covers. Tony watched her for a moment. She looked so calm and peaceful. So beautiful. He wanted nothing more than to slip into bed right next to her and bask in her warmth. Instead, he checked for his wallet and passport, retied his tie, pulled on his suit jacket, and walked away from a good thing.
On his way out, Tony visited the concierge desk to deliver James his tip and some instructions. The penthouse was to be paid for in full along with any additional charges Martha might accrue during the rest of her stay. He even went as far as to reserve a spot at the spa for her just in case. He also left word that his jet would be waiting at the airport for her use whenever she was ready to return to New York. Once all of that was taken care of, he hailed a taxi to the airport.
Tony had no concrete plans in mind. He just knew that he needed time alone to think. He could head back to Manhattan, but he doubted that he have a moment's peace if he did. Sooner or later, Martha would return to the city. And if not her, Rhodey or Bruce would eventually realize that something was amiss. So with no real direction in mind, Tony asked the ticket agent to find him a first class ticket on the next flight departing London for any destination other than New York City.
"Well Mr. Stark, we do have a plane headed for Seoul, but there's a layover in Los Angeles."
"Figures," he said ruefully as his thoughts veered back to Martha.
"Would that be alright?"
Tony shrugged. "What the hell? Book it." With no bags to check and no carry-on luggage, it didn't take long to reach the departure gate. While he awaited the boarding call, Tony checked the time and made a phone call to Korea. "Helen? Tony Stark. Did I wake you? No? Good. So listen…I'm gonna be in Seoul soon. Tomorrow actually. Yea. No. It's not really for business or pleasure. Anyway, I was wondering if you could make a little space for me in one of your labs while I'm in town. How long?" He paused to think. "I'm not sure yet. At least a couple of weeks though. Would that be alright? You're a doll. Okay. Yea, I'll give you a ring when I land. Yea. Thanks again."
After that was settled, Tony made a few more calls to arrange some details for his stay in Seoul. Once everything was squared away, he turned off his phone. The plane was taking off soon and, even if it wasn't, there was nothing else he felt like saying to anyone.
The flights to L.A. and Seoul were fairly uneventful. The one time he managed to drift off, he dreamed of Martha again. He was back in London, back in the penthouse and back in her arms like he should have stayed. When he woke up, he felt like shit and the feeling was only made worse when he thought about Martha waking up alone.
He should have at least left a note. Better still, he shouldn't have left in the first place. But that ship had sailed. He made his damn bed and now he had to lie in it.
Tony didn't bother to turn his phone back on when he reached South Korea. Instead, he bought a brand new one. After upgrading it and patching in J.A.R.V.I.S., he settled in at his hotel, washed the past few days away and headed over to the U-GIN facility to get to work.
Over the next few weeks, Tony developed a comfortable routine with work providing a necessary distraction. Helen popped in now and then to check on him. Her area of expertise was biological as opposed to mechanical engineering, but she still had a keen scientific mind and Tony valued her input. On one occasion, he slipped her Martha's details and told Helen to look her up the next time she was in London or Manhattan.
In addition to being a soundboard for him to bounce ideas off of, Helen also made sure he stayed fed. It was common knowledge that Tony had tunnel vision when he was working. The fact that he hadn't trimmed his beard since leaving London was proof of that. So every so often, Helen would drag him outside for fresh air and treat him to some Korean street food. Her favorite haunt was run by an elderly couple that knew her grandparents. The food was delicious and the shop was open at late into the night, so it appealed to people that kept their kind of hours.
Sometimes Tony would imagine how Martha would react if she was there with them. Her love of food combined with Helen's presence would have been like heaven. He could practically see her smile. When he realized what he was doing, he'd take another shot of soju. Tony found that he was beginning to like soju almost as much as scotch. Almost.
"Have you decided when you'll go back to New York?" Helen asked casually between bites of tteokbokki and soondae. "Tomorrow is Christmas. I would have thought you might like to be home for the holidays."
"Trying to get rid of me already?" Tony poured himself another glass of soju. He tilted the bottle in her direction and she held her glass up with both hands for him to fill.
"Well you are a bit of a distraction," she admitted with a smile. "It's hard to get any work done while you're around."
Tony lifted a brow as he reached for his chopsticks. "Is that right?" He picked up a spicy rice cake. "I didn't think I was your type, Helen."
"You're not," Helen retorted before popping a piece of blood sausage into her mouth. "Unfortunately, some of my staff isn't impervious to your charms."
"We all have our crosses to bear."
"Not everyone chooses to face their troubles," she added pointedly. "Some people run away."
Tony knocked back his soju in one gulp. It was only a matter of time before his choices came back to bite him in the ass. He didn't expect his rude awakening to come from Helen though. So he wasn't surprised a week later when he was cornered by a frowning redhead during a party at WooBar.
"Did Helen call you?" he asked, speaking into his drink.
"No. Helen called Bruce who called Rhodey who called me," Pepper replied.
"So you flew all the way to Korea?"
"I was already in Japan taking care of something business with Stark-Fujikawa."
"Work over the holidays?"
"Someone has to keep your company afloat."
Tony nodded. "Better you than me. And it still beats what we did last year," he added as tried to drown the memory of her nearly plunging to her death with scotch.
Pepper sighed softly. "What are you doing Tony?"
"What does it look like? I'm standing in a bar in Seoul on New Year's Eve with my ex and the best thirty year old single malt scotch money can buy."
He lifted his glass to his lips but Pepper placed a hand over his and stopped him from drinking. "You disappeared for weeks without a word to anyone. People are worried about you, Tony."
Tony lowered his glass. "I know. I know. You. Rhodey. Bruce and Helen. Even Fury's panties are probably in a twist." He glanced around the room. "Assuming he doesn't have Romanoff tailing me right now." He turned his eyes back to Pepper. "What do you think? Does that bartender stink of S.H.I.E.L.D. to you?"
Pepper folded her arms. "How about Martha?" she challenged. "Remember her? Because she seemed pretty put out about you abandoning her in London."
"You spoke to Martha?"
"She was looking for you when she got back to Manhattan," Pepper informed him. "We had lunch."
"Wait. You went out together?" Tony frowned. "So what? Did the two of you compare notes or something?"
"Like I said…she was worried about you." Pepper took his glass from him and took a large gulp. "Apparently she wasn't fully aware of your history."
'Here it comes,' Tony thought with a heavy sigh. This was it, the conversation that was nearly a year in the making. "I never meant to hurt you, Pep. If anything…" He exhaled sharply. "I convinced myself that pushing you away was the best way to keep you safe."
"Is that what it was?" she asked skeptically. "Were you trying to keep me safe or yourself?" Tony turned his gaze towards the window, staring idly at the Han River. "Look at me." She put a firm hand on his face and guided his eyes back to hers. "Hurting people first because you're afraid they're going to leave you?" Pepper shook her head. "It's no way to live, Tony."
"I thought I was doing the right thing at the time," he insisted meekly. "But the truth…the truth is that I should have held you closer. When you walked out, I should have run after you."
Pepper smiled sadly. "I was hoping you would have."
Tony exhaled sharply again. "I was an idiot."
"Yes…you were," she agreed with a nod.
"I should learn from my mistakes."
"I hope you will." Pepper pulled her hand away from his face and passed his drink back to him. "So what are you going to do now?"
Tony shook his head. "I don't know if I can fix this."
"Well you at least owe it to yourselves to try," Pepper insisted. "Do you love her?"
"I…" Tony took a huge gulp of scotch as he contemplated the question and whether or not he was comfortable answering it for Pepper. "I could."
"Could?"
"It's complicated."
"So simplify it. Do you care about her?"
"Of course I do."
"Do you miss her when you're apart?"
Tony stared down into his drink. "So much it hurts," he confessed.
"Would you do anything to make her happy?"
"Yes."
"Then stop hurting her by shutting her out," Pepper insisted.
The crowd around them began to countdown to midnight in a mixture of Korean, English and other languages. "10…"
"I'm sorry, Pep," Tony said quickly, feeling to desperate to clear the air before the year ended.
"9…"
"So am I, Tony."
"8…"
Tony looked up at her. "I did love you."
"7…"
She nodded. "I know."
"6…"
"If I could take it all back..."
"5…"
Pepper shook her head. "We have to keep moving forward."
"4…"
"Forward," he repeated with a quick nod.
"3…"
"I hope you find what you're looking for."
"2…"
"You too."
"1…"
Pepper leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. "Happy New Year, Tony."
Tony slipped one arm around her waist and gave her a tight squeeze. "Happy New Year, Pep."
Pepper pulled away first. Tony watched as she walked away from him for the second time, though thankfully on better terms. Once she was out of sight, he turned his gaze back to the river over which fireworks were lighting up the night sky. He finished off his drink and made a silent vow to do better about not drinking so much. But that wasn't the only resolution he had for the New Year. Somehow. Someway. He was going to fix things with Martha.
Tony pulled his old cellphone and dialed Helen Cho's number. "Helen. Happy New Year," he greeted as he started walking towards the exit. "I need you to have someone pack up all of my stuff and ship it back to Manhattan. Yea, that's right. I'm going home. New year, new attitude. No more running away."
