A/N: Trust me, it's not the typical tale of teenage girls let loose in the fandom universe of their choice. I've written a couple of those, and I know the difference. R&R, please
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"Yo! Big V! What's up?" This was Caroline. She was less of a superfan than Anna, but had honed the art of being annoying to a very fine point.
"My name is not 'Big V.' Do not call me that," Darth Vader snarled.
"Sure thing, Big V," Anna chimed in. Anna was a superfan with hair that could do any of Leia or Padme's styles, and a ghetto butt that she could close doors with.
Darth Vader growled. He had had about enough of Anna and Caroline. They had been picked up by a fighter from something called Camp Skyline Talent Show. The act they had been doing was considered disrespectful to the Empire, so the girls had been brought to Vader. Where they proceeded to find his last cybernetic nerve and jump on it.
"Something wrong, Lord Vader?" Anna asked with actual compassion. Caroline had disappeared, which meant that she was probably fondling his cape again.
"Caroline..." Darth Vader growled menacingly, dragging her out from behind him with the Force. When she was in front of him, he clenched his hand into a fist.
Caroline clutched at her throat, and emitted an, "Ack!" the standard strangling noise of the Star Wars universe.
"Are you really getting strangled by Darth Vader?" Anna asked excitedly.
Caroline dropped her hands. "No," she said, disappointed, and the girls walked off, arguing about whether Luke and Leia were inbred. Anna nearly tripped over storm trooper BR-339.2, who Vader had strangled by mistake.
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It was only a matter of time before it happened. Anna and Caroline had gone underground for a couple of hours, which could only mean they were planning something big. The stormies who bet on that made some money.
The door to the bridge, where Vader was standing alone--brooding, a standard tortured movie villain activity--slid open. The unsuspecting Sith Lord had his back to the door. The only one he was expecting was Admiral Piett, who was about as much of a threat to him as a jelly donut. "Admiral," he began. "Perhaps you should learn how to be prompt in--" Vader broke off. Whoever was on the bridge with him, it wasn't Piett. For one thing, there were two sets of footsteps, and they did not sound like regulation boots. They sounded quite like...high heels, actually. So, unless Piett had grown an extra set of legs and become a cross-dresser, Vader had a new situation to deal with. He slowly turned around, and there she was. Padme. In all the glory of her Queen of Naboo days, stripe of lipstick and all. Vader's breathing sped up. He had no idea how the love of his life was here, but the how didn't matter. That she was there was good enough, more than good enough for him. Then he looked closer at Padme. This Padme was shorter. And he didn't recall his wife being that well endowed. And her hair color wasn't right either. It was far too blond for Padme. "Anna..." he growled, even more menacingly that when he was trying to detach Caroline from his cape.
Speaking of Caroline, she soon appeared from behind Anna's huge skirt. While Anna was designed to look like the real thing, a blind man would be able to spot Caroline was fake three miles away, which was quite the point. She was walking on her knees, and spray painted an awful, vomit-like shade of green. On her head was a curly-haired grandma wig, and she was using a canoe paddle as a walking stick. "Harm Anna E., you shall not," she declared.
"Tell me, young one, how are you going to stop me?"
"Think of that in a minute, I will."
Admiral Piett chose that moment to enter the room. "Umm... Lord Vader..." he said uncertainly, slowly walking over to where Vader and the two girls were standing.
"What is it, Admiral?" Vader asked softly. He was about fed up with admirals disappointing him.
"Well...it's about...umm... What in the name of the Empire are Queen Amidala and Master Yoda doing on board?"
Before Vader could tell Piett that it was only Anna and Caroline, or even make a thinly veiled threat, it was done. Anna grabbed one side, Caroline the other, and they pulled.
At this, something that had never taken place before happened. Darth Vader began snickering. The girls were snickering too, and soon all three of them were consumed by hysterical laughter. Anna and Caroline both had to lean on Vader's 7-foot tall fiberglass frame to keep from collapsing. Anna wound up on the floor anyway.
"It's not that funny!" Piett, now with a flaming red face, protested.
"Oh, yes it is, Admiral," Vader said, and began laughing again.
"Admiral Piett wears a man thong!" Anna taunted.
"You've got dimples, Admiral," added Caroline.
Anna and Caroline had pantsed Admiral Piett.
Vader began, "So Admiral..."
Admiral Piett could take taunts from 15 year old girls all day long. He didn't like it, but he could take it. What he couldn't take, though, was taunts from a middle-aged, cybernetic Sith Lord. With his pants still around his ankles, Admiral Piett ran off the bridge.
Caroline looked at Anna, who was still prone on the ground, then up to Vader, then back at Anna. "Should I help her up?" she asked.
"It would be the honorable thing to do," Darth Vader answered, inclining his head to look at Anna as welll.
Caroline started walking away.
"Just kidding," she said after a few steps. "I'll help you." She walked back over and grabbed Anna's hands, to lever her friend upright. She didn't take into accounts Anna's butt, though. Anna got about a foot off the ground when Caroline overbalanced and fell. She didn't fall, though, she more like flew over Anna, flipping in midair to land on her back (sort of) at an extremely awkward angle. They heard several thuds and at least one crunch. She maintained all her life that Darth Vader had something to do with it.
"Are you all right?" Anna asked Caroline after Vader helped both of them up.
Caroline laughed. "It's my body to misuse how I will." She looked at Anna significantly. "Should we?"
"Should you what?" Vader asked cautiously.
"Yeah," Anna replied, then continued, "We were going to do this a lot earlier, but Piett got in the way. Sooo..."
Vader had no idea where they were going with this, but would've never seen where they really went. They started skipping in circles around him then...burst into song. "Darth Vader is a real cool guy/Down with the dark side and so am I/He lives on the Death Star with the Emperor/He's the father of Luke Skywalker."
Jump, jump, jump, they went.
