1.2 Awakening


It wasn't until the evening, and in fact until I'd put on my pajamas and crawled under the covers, that I'd realized I wasn't getting tired. Then, my intuition had told me that I wasn't going to get tired at all anymore because I no longer needed sleep.

How that worked, I didn't know, but I'd gone to discuss it with Dad. While he was concerned that I might need sleep after all and was just excited or something, he eventually agreed to let me stay up during the night so long as I'd try to sleep if I felt tired at all.

That didn't happen, so I spent the entire night looking up the capes of Brockton Bay online, learning what I could about their powers, appearance – in costume, of course – and even what was known about them as people, the connections or loyalties they had, and so on. I wanted to know what world I was going to be entering.

On a whim, I'd even decided to pay particular attention to all teenaged or potentially teenaged capes, in case I was correct that I could identify someone as a parahuman on sight and one of them happened to attend Winslow.

Everyone knew the Wards went to Arcadia – well, except those people who argued that this 'everyone knew' was just there to mask where they actually went, which actually made quite a bit of sense – but that still left a number of capes. Rune, from the Empire, probably attended school, and Tattletale, Hellhound, Regent and Grue from the Undersiders might as well, though I wasn't as sure of those. A gang, however minor, made up of only teenagers? Didn't seem like an environment that promoted going to school to me.

Then there was someone like Labyrinth, who might not even be high school age yet but more importantly had power interactions that'd make it impossible for her to properly hide her identity. If the information on Faultline was at all an accurate indicator of her character, Labyrinth was probably being homeschooled.

When I arrived at Winslow that morning, one of the first things I realized was that there were a surprising number of ways to get individual people on my side, ways that I'd never have known to explore before yesterday.

Inside, I got lucky and managed to take a good look at the Trio without any of them noticing me.

Madison was… ooookay, I didn't know anyone could be that much of a cape fanatic. Getting her to stop bullying me would be almost childishly simple.

Sophia was a cape. Which confirmed my suspicions that I could recognize them on sight. Figuring out her identity wasn't much harder. Rune was out for incredibly obvious reasons, Hellhound was built much stockier and Tattletale had blonde hair. Parian was likely a few years older, and definitely had her own shop, so she couldn't be a school-going girl in the first place. Plus, she was said to be somewhat shy and conflict-avoidant. Vista was too young and a complete mismatch in terms of appearance.

Which left only Shadow Stalker.

It was technically possible that Sophia was a cape I hadn't come across during my nightly search, but it made far too much sense. Shadow Stalker was known to be aggressive, and had been a vigilante for quite some time before joining the Wards; some people speculated she'd been pressured to join them to avoid being tried for her actions as vigilante.

On top of that, Shadow Stalker was black, and a close match to Sophia in terms of build, as far as I could tell.

I also realized, practically the moment I laid eyes on her, that I wasn't going to be able to get her to back off with words or simple actions, and while she generally respected violence, if I attempted it she'd probably respond by getting me in trouble either for attacking a Ward, or for assault with a parahuman power.

A rough outline for something that could work formed in my head, but I'd have to think it over first. After I'd made a decision on whether or not I wanted to bother with that in the first place. As far as I could tell, all parahumans considered triggers serious business, which meant that going to the PRT and first telling them that I triggered from bullying and only then giving names for the perpetrators was likely to get me taken seriously. And thus likely to get Sophia in trouble.

But there was also Emma.

When I focused on her, I almost immediately choked back a sob.

What the hell happened to you, Emma?

How did you become such a mess, an amalgamation of lies, self-deception and convictions you don't believe in?

What made you push me away, what made you show such hatred and cruelty to me, when your deepest wish is to be friends with me like we once were?

She still wants to be friends with me, I told myself. She still wants the visits, the sleepovers, the hours chatting about anything that happens to come up. She's still in there.

I turned away, moving to my homeroom as I thought over what I had learned. No matter the face she showed to the world, Emma was a wreck, a total mess of a human being. She'd wrapped herself in self-deception to the point that she truly believed this was who she was, but she was still in there. And I knew that, now. I knew what was wrong with her, and she needed saving. And I could save her. My power had given me the tools. It wasn't going to be easy, not with how long Emma had reinforced the lies she told herself, but if I approached it right, I could get her back.

My first class only had Madison out of the Trio, which was perfect. She didn't try anything major, just the regular small spur-of-the-moment annoyances, which I ignored like always; it was much easier now that I was working towards something rather than simply weathering the abuse. This would be the last class where Madison ever harassed me, and I'd barely have to do anything for it.

When the bell rang, I made sure to be out of class early, unlike what I was used to doing, which was waiting until everyone was gone and hoping people hadn't bothered to ambush me once I left the door. The resulting two or three shoves I received meant little to me, and in the hallway I waited until Madison exited.

Unsurprisingly, her attention was on me. She would never let go of a potential opportunity to fuck with me, after all.

But this time, I spoke first.

"Madison, do you have a moment? I've got something I want to talk about."

She seemed surprised, and that almost immediately turned to suspicion.

"Sandy, Naomi, I'm going to see what this is about, if you don't see me for next class, you know what to do."

The two girls she'd selected nodded and moved off. That was part of why fighting back was so hopeless. Everyone was on the side of Madison, Emma and Sophia, and if they weren't sure what happened, they'd claim whatever looked best for the three, and therefore worst for me.

Could I take Madison in a fight, even without my new powers? Absolutely. But even if I somehow beat her hard enough that she wouldn't be able to report me herself, other people would do it, so I'd be screwed no matter what.

Luckily, I didn't need to fight her.

I led the way to an empty classroom with no windows that anyone might spot us through.

"So, what's this about?" Madison asked smugly as she entered. "Are you upset about that little prank from yesterday or something? You know we didn't do it."

Now that I was asked that question directly, I realized I was far less bothered by that event than I probably should have been. Maybe it had something to do with the powers I had, but my response to people making my life hell wasn't 'hide away or take it' like it had been for the last year and a half, nor even 'fight back' or 'never return and spend all my time being a cape' like might be the obvious way to go when getting powers.

No, it was a simple, clear 'let's get them on my side, with me in charge'.

"We both know who did it," I responded. "But no, that's not what this is about. I want to make a deal. I'll show you something, and in return, you won't ever bully me again."

"I've never bullied you," Madison parried immediately, like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. I'd have believed her, if I hadn't known better.

"No need for the posturing," I said off-handedly. "But you know what the best thing is? I'm so certain you'll take the deal that I'll fulfill my part without asking you to promise to uphold it in the first place. And just to be clear, I really do not mean this as a threat."

Without further delay, I transformed, spreading my wings out as far as they could go for the first time.

Madison gasped even as she stumbled back. "You're a cape!"

"I am," I responded. "Thanks to your little stunt from yesterday, in fact."

"Which we didn't do," Madison said shiftily. It was amusing how much less convincing she sounded this time. She visibly pulled herself together. "One condition. I get to ask you about your powers and what you do out there."

I chuckled as I turned back to my regular form. "Sure, but then I add one minor condition in return. I'm sure you weren't planning on telling people that I'm a cape in the first place – you know the Unwritten Rules, don't you?"

"Of course!" she responded, almost indignantly. "Is that your condition?"

"No. My condition is one, you don't tell Emma and Sophia either. At least not unless I give you direct permission. Should be included, but I'm just making sure. And two, you will distract Sophia and, if needed, other people during the lunch break so that I can talk to Emma without anyone overhearing what we're saying."

"What's that for?" Madison asked.

"You know Emma and I were friends before Winslow, right? There's a few things we need to talk through. You can ask her about it afterwards, if you want."

She looked at me suspiciously for a moment. "Okay, conditions accepted. But tomorrow I'm interrogating you during lunch!"

"Sure," I responded. "But if Sophia has a problem with us talking, it's your problem, not mine."

Madison actually looked slightly scared, which made me realize I probably wouldn't have to deal with a cape fanatic too much, at least until the Sophia situation changed.

However, with those words being said, there was nothing more to talk about for the moment, and we each had to hurry to our next class anyway.


I knew the class schedules of the Trio by heart. Learning them had been an act of self-preservation, helping me avoid the girls between classes because I could predict the corridors they were most likely to be in, but today knowing those schedules was useful for an entirely different reason.

Emma had a class without either Madison or Sophia, which meant she wouldn't meet up with them until they were in the cafeteria.

Therefore, I made sure to let her spot me before she got there, my home-made lunch pack already in my hand as if I was looking for a safe place to eat it like so often before. Emma wasn't nearly as subtle as she thought she was in changing course to follow me, and after two corridors I slipped into yet another empty classroom. I hopped onto one of the tables and started eating.

Of course, before I'd taken my third bite, the door opened once more and let in my former – and hopefully future – friend.

"What are you doing here, Taylor? The cafeteria's that way, you know. Do you need a map, maybe? I'd think you'd know the way around the school after a year and a half."

"I had a bit of an eventful day, yesterday," I responded, undeterred. Slow and steady, wait for an opening. And, show composure and balance. The way Emma saw the world, that'd impress her. While I was aiming to break that view away from her, I'd have to work within those boundaries until that point.

"What, because some people pulled a little prank? Come on, that's just how school is, you know."

"If that was all, I wouldn't be sitting here," I responded evenly, taking another bite from my sandwich. No, instead I'd probably still be catatonic. But for all that Emma was a social creature, she didn't pick up on the double meaning here.

Right now, the challenge was to find a way to turn the conversation around, make Emma the focus. Once I managed that, I'd be able to go on the offensive. Luckily, Emma decided to provide an opportunity by going back to one of her classics.

"Were you crying about your mom again? Really? It's been years, Taylor, get over it already!"

"It's okay to be sad that she's gone, Emma," I responded, going completely off her script. "I know she was like a second mother to you, too."

"What? What are you talking about? I barely even think about her anymore."

My power couldn't have been clearer if it used flashing neon signs. I didn't quite understand why, but the opening Emma gave me would pierce straight to the heart.

"You shouldn't bury your negative feelings, you know," I said, pushing off the table to stand face to face with Emma – and several inches taller. "Grief, regret, trauma… if you bury them, they just continue to hurt, forever and ever."

"You're wrong!" Emma burst out. "That's weakling talk!"

"You don't have any grief?" I asked. "No regrets? No trauma? Emma, I don't know if you're fooling yourself, but you're definitely not fooling me. With how much and how quickly you changed while I was at summer camp… people don't change like that unless something big happened, something that deeply affected them."

She scoffed, but it sounded weak in my ears. "I wanted to cut you off anyway! All that happened is that I met Sophia, and she helped me find the strength to do it."

"So strong that you kept seeking confrontations with me. Spreading rumors about me, messing with my homework, pushing me in hallways, ruining my flute, and then we're not even talking about yesterday yet. For a girl that decided to cut me off, you certainly pay a lot of attention to me, Emma. Are you sure that getting me out of your life is what you're looking for? Are you sure it's not something else?"

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," she said defiantly.

The idea of hurting Emma had been difficult to me even when she was at her worst. Now that I knew my Emma was still in there, it was even harder. Yet, I told myself, it had to be done. Even if saying the words hurt me too.

"You've wrapped yourself in lies," I said, stepping up to Emma and using my height to my advantage for the first time since the bullying campaign had started. "You don't want me out of your life. You'd be floundering if I changed schools. You want affirmation. You're using me, you're using our relationship – because no matter how shitty it is, that's technically what it qualifies as – to prove to yourself that you're right, that your lies aren't lies after all. That you're not deceiving yourself, when in fact, you are.

"You want to prove to yourself that you don't need me. You want to prove that you're strong. You want to prove that you're above regret, that you're above trauma. That you've gotten over what happened that one summer, while I wasn't there to support you.

"You have not gotten over it. All you've done, Emma, is create a mask. And I can see it for what it is now. You're burying your trauma, you're burying your regret, and I don't fit in your new world. Because you know that I'd coax it out of you, you know I'd keep prodding until you break down and cry on my shoulder, let it all out, like I did on your shoulder when mom died, which you so love to remind me of."

"That's not true!" Emma screamed. "You're just making things up because you can't handle that I got new friends!"

"No," I said, voice calm but laced with steel. "I will not let this go, Emma. You can lie to the students here at Winslow. You can lie to Madison, to Sophia, even to your parents. But I know you, Emma. You cannot lie to me. You've twisted and mutilated yourself to conform to the ideals that you've adopted, even though you do not believe them.

"You've pushed away everyone that makes you feel safe, because to be safe is to be weak. Every single day, you have to fight your demons, wrestle them into submission, because if you don't, if you let them win even once, everyone will know that the person they thought they knew is a lie.

"By now, your entire existence is based on one thing, and one thing only. You can look at me and think, 'I did that', and 'I'm stronger than her'. What will you do, when I walk out of this school, my head held high? When all you've done to me becomes meaningless because I've moved on? Because that's what I'm going to do, Emma. I had a very busy day yesterday, after the stunt you three pulled. And I've got plenty of opportunities ahead of me. This shithole of a school no longer means anything to me."

"You can't-!" Emma started before cutting herself off and searching for words.

I immediately knew; that aborted outburst was my cue.

"I can't what?" I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper. "I can't move on with my life? I can't do my own thing? I thought you wanted to cut me off, Emma. Didn't you tell me so just now?

"What do you truly want from me, Emma? Who am I to you? Who do you want me to be to you? Do you want me to be your punching bag? Do you want me to be your rival, who fights you on even footing? Do you want me gone after all, chasing my own success somewhere you can't see? Or perhaps… beneath it all… do you want me back? Your friend?"

"I don't—I don't know what you mean." Her voice wavered ever so slightly.

"Those who surround themselves with lies will, one day, have to choose. The lie, or the truth. For you, Emma, that day is today. Will you admit the truth, if only to yourself, or will you continue to lie and pretend that everything is fine, that you are fine?"

"You're—you don't know anything about me!" she said defiantly, though her voice was colored by emotion. "I'm not lying to myself!"

"This is your last chance, your last shot," I said. "If you don't take your chance now, the door is closed. I'm giving you this opportunity, even though by all means, you forsook it many months ago. If you don't take it, it's lost forever."

I genuinely didn't know if she would take it. I wished with all my heart that she would, for if she weren't, she would be lost forever to me as well, and that pained me more than I could ever put into words.

We looked at one another for what seemed to be an eternity. It was as if all my memories of Emma, the friend she'd been, the bully she'd become, played through my mind in the time it took her to come to a discussion.

Twice, she twitched and I thought she was about to reach out to me.

But she didn't.

She turned away.

I waited.

"Well, go on then," she said, though her words came out choked. "Leave."

The crushing loss threatened to overwhelm me, and I had to hold back tears; I could cry later, where she wouldn't witness it. With feet as heavy as lead, I walked to the door. A step, another, a third, and the fourth brought me there.

I listened, hoping for something, anything.

I opened the door.

One, perhaps two more steps, and she'd be gone forever.

With monumental effort, I took the first.

Despite my attempts to hold back, a tear welled up in my eye.

I made to take the next step, and stumbled.

I held myself up with a knee on the floor, one hand holding me up. I had no memory of the moment in between.

"Taylor! Wait!" Emma's voice called out, desperate, fearful, and above all clouded by emotion.

I turned around. Emma had sagged against a wall, her head in her hands. Dimly, I realized she suddenly registered as a parahuman to my power, but I ignored it.

I closed the door again and walked up to her, suddenly unsure of myself, then sat down next to her. When I hesitantly put my arm over her shoulders, she let out a loud wail.

"I'm so sorry, Taylor! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." She buried her head into my chest, and I awkwardly put my arms around her to comfort her even as I found myself crying, too. But they were, I knew, tears of joy. Through them, I almost missed what Emma said next.

"You must hate me."

"Emma," I said slowly, carefully. "I would never have gone through this much effort for someone I hated. It doesn't matter how far you strayed. I won't ever give up on you."

She choked once, but her sobbing did not abate as years of bottled up emotions flooded out of her.

Yesterday had started out as a horrible day, but had taken a remarkable turn for the better as the day I gained my powers. However, it could not hold a candle to today. After all…

"I've missed you so much, Emma. My sister."


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