For the next few months, things went on like this, but they toned it down slightly because they really wanted Vader to teach them how to use the Force and the nifty light swords. But soon it was Christmastime, and Anna and Caroline weren't about to let that go uncelebrated.
Step one was the decorating. They ran through the halls with tinsel. They gently wafted crepe paper in people's quarters. They hung mistletoe. They carried a tree onto the bridge, hung jingle bells on people, and put reindeer antlers on others. It was a whirlwind of Christmas chaos. No one knew what—or why—it was happening.
Then they found the intercom.
It started innocuously enough. "We love you, Piett, oh yes we do, we love you, Piett, and we'll be true. When you're not with us we're blu-u-ue, oh, Piett, we love you!"
Then it truly began. "Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Mappy Christmashanukwanzika!"
Caroline laughed. "For those of you who don't know about Christmas—so, all of you—here's the basics. You decorate with trees and lights and tinsel and all sorts of other stuff—either shiny or red and green. And on December 25 you exchange gifts.:
"And the mistletoe," Anna said. "The prickly green things with the red berries hanging from the ceiling. If you and someone else are under the toe, you have to kiss. Even you, Lord Vader."
"Now, please enjoy the music while your party is reached."
Christmas music blared over the speakers. Anything. Everything. From "O Holy Night" to "Jingle Bell Rock." If it was Christmas related, it played. At first, it was all new and exciting,but after a solid week of Christmas music with no end in sight (it was three weeks away), the crew started getting the teensiest bit irritated. Near the end of week two, Vader disabled the intercom, so Anna and Caroline walked around with boom boxes.
-----
Midway through week two, all the crew got a reminder to buy gifts for their friends, the superiors they want to suck up to, and the lovely ladies who made Christmas possible for the Executor, and if they would put all their gifts in storage bay 3F, Santa would distribute them.
As the day got closer, the pile of gifts grew from puddle to ocean size. "We're screwed," Caroline said, looking at the mess. "How are we gonna deliver this in one night?"
The waded into the mass and went to work on sorting the presents into nice, orderly piles
-----
Darth Vader used to stride through his ship with a purpose, to the strains of the Imperial March, taking pleasure in seeing his men cower. Not any longer. Lately his walk has been cautious. He's making sure that there are no plants around. He had seen enough awkward encounters under that blasted mistletoe over the past few weeks. Better safe than sorry, I guess, he thought. But now they're not nearly as scared of me. How could this happen to me? I'm still intimidating without the March. Right?
Vader caught sight of a calendar, which interrupted his thoughts. Tomorrow's Christmas? This thing will be over soon? Excellent!
Katie, one of the ship's only human female crew members, was walking down the hall the other way and stopped at the calendar as well. "Tomorrow's Christmas? Shut the front door! I haven't got any presents yet!" She was about to hurry off when who came moseying up but Anna and Caroline, of course.
Anna only had to say two words. "Look up."
-----
Christmas Eve. Not only the time of frenzied gift-buying, but so much more. The decorations—which were looking sad and decrepit—got a much-needed facelift, and the lights came on. Santas, reindeer, angels, snowmen, bells, sleighs, snowflakes, stockings, lighted trees, and just ordinary strings of lights. They glowed, they shimmered, they blinked, they strobed, and did all manner of other things. Whenever Vader saw one of them it was like a big, long nail was being nailed into his skull. As the day went on, however, the nail became noticeably shorter, and he even caught himself singing along to "Let It Snow."
Darth Vader had the Christmas spirit.
-----
At 2230 December 24, storage bay 3F was closed. A polite notice taped to the door read:
Sorry. If you haven't turned in your stuff by now, you lose. Oh, well. It's not our problem. Love, Anna and Caroline
Inside there was a riot of presents. The stacks of the day before were completely gone.
They resort everything, figuring out partway through that time went much faster if they sang stuff. By the end of "Yoda" at least 20 storm troopers were listening outside the door. During "Popular," Anna stuck her head out the door and frightened off by threatening to show them, "The proper ploys when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce. (ooh!)"
Eventually, everything was organized with minimum damdage, then they realized the sad fact. Nobody got Lord Vader anything.
Anna and Caroline cobbled together stuff they thought he'd like, or at least have use for. A jar of polish, Lightsabers for Dummies, an old holo-picture of Padme, and a few other things. Caroline tossed in a pack of condoms. Ribbed.
Anna rolled her eyes. "Where'd you get those?"
"What?" Caroline asked, offended. "I stole them from the guy who lives next door to us."
Anna's expression said, "Suuure."
