Chapter 2: Weaver's Finish

Bellatrix: Are you sure about this, Narcissa?

Narcissa: Of course I am. The real question is: are YOU sure about this, Bella?

Bellatrix: THIS WAS YOUR IDEA! And don't call me Bella. What am I, the bland protagonist of a shitty vampire novel?

Narcissa: Then what's to worry about? Voldy trusts him.

Bellatrix: Don't call the Dark Lord that. It doesn't suit him. At all.

Narcissa: I think it's a cute name.

Bellatrix: Yes, that's what the Dark Lord needs: a cute nickname.

Narcissa: Glad to see you agree. Calling him the Dark Lord makes him seems evil and nasty.

Bellatrix: That's kinda the point.

Narcissa: Aww, he's just going through a phase where he likes to be mean to people.

Bellatrix: Muggle genocide is just a phase?

Narcissa: Yeah. Didn't you have one too?

Bellatrix: Wait, what?

Narcissa: Let's go talk to Severus *leaves*

Bellatrix: Cissy, get back here *grabs her sister's arm*

Narcissa: Oh, yeah, you get to call me by a shortened version of my name, but when I try to do it you get all huffy.

Bellatrix: Cissy, listen to me…

Narcissa: I mean, come on, Cissy? What am I, a…a… *tries to think of something* …a wimpy boy? Or…something, I don't know.

Bellatrix: Right…anyway, I think we need to consider whether we can trust that man.

Narcissa: What's there to consider?

Bellatrix: Oh, I don't know, maybe the whole thing where he's been working for the enemy for a decade and a half?

Narcissa: Or maybe he hasn't.

Bellatrix: No. He has. He's literally working in the Dark Lord's most powerful enemy's school. It's been well known for years.

Narcissa: But consider this… *walks down a street and knocks on a door*

Bellatrix: Damn it Cissy *tries to stop her before the door opens*

Snape: Ah, Narcissa. And Bellatrix too. To what do I owe this…well, not pleasure, but…

Bellatrix: Zip it Severus, you why we're here.

Snape: Actually, I don't know why you're here. Narcissa I can guess, but…

Bellatrix: Because I don't trust you, and neither should Cissy.

Narcissa: Too late, already trust him.

Bellatrix: BUT YOU SHOULDN'T!

Snape: And why's that, Bellatrix?

Bellatrix: Well, for one thing, you're letting Wormtail listen in to what should be a private conversation.

Snape: Oh, he's just getting us drinks.

Peter: I am not your servant.

Snape: Alright, how about this for some choices: bring us some drinks, or do something about me ordering you to do it.

Peter: But…I don't wanna…

Snape: And yet, you will. Good boy.

Peter: *grumbling* I bring back the Dark Lord, and this is how he repays me *leaves*

Bellatrix: Okay, bullying Wormtail is a good start, but you still have a ways to go before I…

Snape: My dear Bellatrix, I understand your hesitance to trust me, but just ask yourself this: do you not think the Dark Lord has already asked me every question you might have about my loyalty to him?

Bellatrix: …I mean, yeah, but…

Snape: And do you think I'd still be alive if he believed me to be disloyal?

Bellatrix: …probably not, but…

Snape: Then what?

Bellatrix: Explain it, in detail. How are you trustworthy?

Narcissa: Oh, come on Bella. If the Dark Lord says he's fine, do you really want to go against what he says?

Bellatrix: What are you implying?

Narcissa: Aren't you the one who said you wanted to be the one to carry his heir?

Bellatrix: You shut up about that.

Snape: Aren't you married?

Bellatrix: You shut up too.

Snape: Well, let's get to the point then. What do I need to clear up for you?

Bellatrix: Why didn't you come back when the Dark Lord called?

Snape: Think Bellatrix. If I came back immediately, the Dark Lord wouldn't have an agent sitting right under Dumbledore's nose. People would notice if I was gone in that time, and immediately expose the fact that he was back.

Bellatrix: What about the Ministry attack last year? We could have really used your help.

Snape: Same problem. Besides, weren't you supposed to be a bunch of the most powerful dark wizards up against a ragtag team of teenagers?

Narcissa: Yeah Bella, you guys really fucked up.

Bellatrix: Cissy, your husband's in jail right now.

Narcissa: So's yours.

Bellatrix: Ugh…anyway, what about the Philosopher's Stone? Why'd you stop him getting that?

Snape: Oh, that? I just wanted to bully Quirrell.

Bellatrix: …yeah, that's actually a good point.

Narcissa: So, can I ask him what I want to ask him now?

Bellatrix: Fine, whatever.

Narcissa: So, my boy Draco was asked by the Dark Lord to do something, but I don't think he's ready, so could you…

Snape: Stop. If you're asking me to go against the Dark Lord himself, I'm afraid I…

Narcissa: Didn't you just admit to having done it?

Snape: No, I admitted to disobeying his call for the greater good.

Bellatrix: And tormenting his temporary body.

Snape: To be fair, even he was doing that to Quirrell, so I'm in the clear there.

Narcissa: But I don't know if Draco can ki…

Snape: Narcissa, we're only two chapters into the story, we can't spoil what Draco's been tasked with.

Bellatrix: Why the hell not? This is Part 6 of a series that's a parody of a series that's been around twenty-five years. Hell, this book has been around seventeen years, and the movie's been out thirteen years. If anyone's stupid enough to be reading this without knowing the plot, they deserve to read the spoiler that…

Snape: …won't necessarily happen the way the Dark Lord hopes it will *to Narcissa* I can't do the task given to Draco by the Dark Lord, but I can take it up if he fails.

Narcissa: Do you swear it?

Snape: Yes.

Bellatrix: Would you do an Unbreakable Vow to prove it?

Narcissa: There's no need for that, a Pinkie Swear will do *Snape and Bellatrix gasp*

Bellatrix: Whoa, Cissy, are you sure you want to go that serious?

Snape: I have to agree with your sister here. I mean, an Unbreakable Vow is one thing, but a Pinkie Swear is a whole new level of serious. The Unbreakable Vow just kills people who break it, but a breaking a Pinkie Swear… *shudders at the thought*

Narcissa: What, are you scared Severus?

Snape: Of course not *holds out his pinkie* Ready when you are.

Narcissa: *links her pinkie to his* Do you, Severus Snape, swear to assist my son Draco in his mission, and if he should fail, to complete the mission yourself?

Snape: …I do *ominous boom*