A/N — I'm currently posting a series of very short stories (under 500 words). The plan is to post every day of December. If you have a few minutes, check them out. xoxo — kals

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Ch. 36 — Past, Present and Future

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Kara studied the menu at the rather upscale restaurant that Rachel had chosen for dinner, her mouth watering. Having enough experience with Rachel's tendency to run late that, when the server appeared, Kara glanced up, prepared to order, only to stop cold when she recognized the woman before her.

Laura Arranaga.

Danny's ex-girlfriend.

The woman he planned to marry.

Even knowing the truth — that Danny and Laura were never in love, their relationship built on a foundation of companionship and, Kara could admit to herself, sex — Kara felt a pang of something. Not jealousy exactly.

Guilt.

Guilt that she had taken the life that could have belonged to Laura.

Would have belonged to Laura, if Laura hadn't been brave enough to call things off.

And, even more, giving Danny the push he needed to approach Kara one final time.

"Laura."

"Kara."

Laura recovered first. "Are you waiting on someone?"

"What? Oh, a friend. Not Danny," she rushed to assure the other woman.

At that, Laura cracked a smile. "I assumed as much. Danny knows that I work here on Tuesdays."

"He does?" Kara parroted, immediately realizing how stupid she was being. Of course, Danny knew — that was why they had never eaten here before, even though it was close to work. Later she would give Danny shit for forgetting to mention that Laura worked here but, for now, she needed to pull herself together. "I mean, I thought that you were a teacher."

"Yes, well, teaching doesn't exactly pull in the cash," Laura said, nose wrinkling, but there was no rancor in her voice. "I waitress a couple times a week. It fills the time and the bank account."

"I see," Kara murmured, wondering if there was any polite way to make her excuses and leave, before deciding that there wasn't. Besides, this was the type of situation that would only be as awkward as she made it.

And running off now would definitely make it awkward.

"Do you want to order now or wait for your friend?"

"She's always late. No point in waiting," Kara said absently, making a mental note to leave Laura an excellent tip. "I'd like a burger and fries. Well-done. Oh, and a lemonade. But there's no rush. How are you doing?"

Kara expected Laura to ignore the overture, offering a casual great, but instead Laura leaned back, calling over her shoulder. "A lemonade, please!" Then she slid into the booth across from Kara. "Actually, running into you saves me from having to decide whether to call Danny. I'm moving."

"Where to?" Kara asked, fiddling with the menu until it was lined up evenly with the silverware. Laura's eyes dropped to the table, and a half smile flitted across her face. Kara dropped her hands into her lap.

"Back home," Laura replied, before clarifying. "Greenwich, Connecticut."

"Danny mentioned that you were from Connecticut. That you knew some of the same people."

Laura nodded. "I was offered a job as an educational specialist in New York City. A former student called me, actually. He just graduated from college and is going back to teach second grade. He saw that they were looking for people with experience to work with teenagers, those who missed critical skills when schools were closed for two years."

Kara immediately thought of Ray and Kat, neither of whom finished their last two years of high school, instead moving directly into the Navy. Kat had obtained her GED before applying to flight school but, for Ray, his formal education was likely over for good. The Slattery girls were in better shape, but that was mostly due to Christine insisting on a regular routine, including homeschooling, as soon as they were settled in St. Louis and long before the local schools reopened. "I thought that you worked with elementary students?"

"I do," Laura replied. "Ironically, that's part of the problem. A lot of younger children are doing okay. They might have missed first or second or even third grade. But a lot of parents worked on those basic skills at home and for those kids who are still behind, individualized plans executed in a regular classroom can correct for that. The real issue is the kids going into middle and high school now who missed years when critical foundational skills are taught. Because I don't know many parents who can teach algebra or grammar. Well, teach grammar correctly anyway."

"That sounds like a wonderful opportunity," Kara replied, waiting while her lemonade and a basket of pretzels was delivered to the table by another server. Kara half expected Laura to jump to her feet upon being caught sitting by a coworker, but Laura simply thanked the other woman.

"I'm looking forward to the challenge," Laura continued once they were alone. Her lips twisted into a wry smile. "And to a fresh start. I assume you saw the story comparing the two of us?"

Uncomfortable at the reference to an article that was far from complimentary to Laura, the words home wrecker might have been used despite Danny and Kara's original breakup coming years before Danny and Laura met, Kara sighed. "Unfortunately, yes."

"I have no idea where they got a picture of me with Danny at the ball last year," Laura grumbled. "Talk about the camera adding ten pounds. I'll never be able to wear that dress again."

Kara wrinkled her nose. "I'm sorry. Your dress was fine, the picture was taken at a bad angle."

"Nope, already went in the trash can," Laura replied, voice cheerful, and Kara found herself smiling in return. There was just something so likable about Laura — there always had been.

"If it helps," Kara offered, "my mother was equally enraged by the article."

Laura actually laughed. "I did find her rant about the double-standard in men and women's looks amusing, but I imagine you didn't feel the same way."

"Debbie hasn't figured out that she's giving them exactly the reaction they want," Kara admitted. Debbie had been enraged by the suggestion that Kara had gained weight since her time in Brazil and insisted on correcting the record. Unfortunately, Debbie hadn't stopped at pointing out that Slattery had gained at least twenty pounds during the time that Kara gained five. Debbie also threw in a comment about Kara cutting out alcohol and caffeine — leading to instant speculation about whether Kara was pregnant. The speculation grew intense enough that she and Danny agreed to give Jacob Barnes an exclusive if and when they did announce a pregnancy in exchange for his agreement to avoid any mention of a possible pregnancy until then. After all, it was one thing for the tabloids to speculate. It was another for Barnes — known for breaking exclusives on the Nathan James' crew — to do the same.

Laura's head tipped to the side, the woman hesitating before asking. "Is it true then?"

"I..." Kara began to issue her general denial, before hesitating, not wanting to lie to the woman who knew so many of Danny's — and Kara's — secrets. But also unwilling to publicly confirm a pregnancy that she hadn't announced to her own mother. One that she still only half believed herself. Apparently, Kara's hesitation was enough of an answer.

Laura gave another half-smile. "Forget that I asked."

Kara scrambled to change the topic. "The medical convention begins today so hopefully no more articles for a while. If there's one thing certain to push us off the front page, it's Doctor Rachel Scott."

"Amen to that." Laura laughed, standing up. She took a step from the table before turning. "I'm happy for you and Danny. I truly am. I hope that you know that. And I won't say anything to anyone, in case you were worried."

A lump formed in Kara's throat. Laura was a good person. "I hope you find what you are looking for in New York."

"Me too."

xxx

By the time Rachel breezed in, an hour later, Laura's shift was over and Kara was eating a delicious chocolate torte while reviewing a report on recruitment levels. While Laura was — rightfully — worried about teenagers finishing high school, Kara was wondering whether they could continue to keep the Fleet afloat if enlistments continued to decline. Between the staggering losses from the virus and the wars that followed, and natural attrition as people completed their tours and were discharged, there were simply not enough bodies to fill even the most critical of positions.

"Sorry that I'm late," Rachel said, dropping her bag onto the booth seat across from Kara. "We were in the middle of running a new treatment protocol on those impacted by the mist. If it works, three treatments may be sufficient to eliminate the molecules from their systems permanently, avoiding the need for them to continue to receive the vaccine every few months."

"I didn't know that you were working on that research," Kara replied, gathering the papers scattered across the table. "I'll have to let Mike know. He keeps in touch with some of Takehaya's people."

Out of the kidnapped crewmates, Mike always seemed the most impacted by Takehaya's actions. Perhaps because Takehaya did what he did in an effort to save his wife and son during a time while Mike was grieving for the loss of his own son, or perhaps because Mike could imagine himself in Takehaya's shoes. Understanding the horror of ordering his crew home for the cure, only to discover that it was all a cruel trick, watching his crew suffer and die, one after another.

"Yes, please do," Rachel said, flagging down their server. "A salad, please. And a hot Earl Gray. I do so appreciate that you know how to brew tea here." She looked back at Kara. "Where was I? Oh, yes, Lloyd has been spearheading the research but he wanted a second pair of eyes. I had a few suggestions and we decided to modify the formula slightly. So far the results are encouraging."

Kara hid a grin behind her fork. "You're seeing quite a bit of Doctor Milowsky then?"

"Actually, he asked if I might be interested in having dinner with him," Rachel said, surprising Kara with the admission. Rachel rarely discussed anything personal, likely because the majority of her time was spent in the lab and she rarely had anything personal to discuss. "His wife perished from the virus, as you know."

"Are you going to accept?"

Rachel hesitated uncharacteristically. "I haven't decided."

"Why not? It seems like the two of you have a lot in common." Kara set down her fork as something occurred to her. "Or are you hoping to work things out with Michael?"

"Michael?" Rachel's surprise was clear. "Certainly not. If anything, the move to Florida has reinforced my decision. Although I will always care for Michael, our relationship was and is over."

"Then?" Kara pressed gently.

"I have some concerns about dating a colleague," Rachel admitted. They fell silent as Rachel's tea was delivered. She looked thoughtful as she checked the tea leaves. "There are pitfalls, as you well know. And Lloyd is one of the few people I trust to look over my research. I would hate to lose him in that capacity."

Kara ate the last bit of her chocolate torte. "You never dated anyone at work? What about Quincy?"

"Quincy was always quite devoted to Kelly," Rachel explained with a shake of her head. "It was one of the reasons that I agreed to partner with him initially. I saw far too many women's ideas stolen by the men they were sleeping with to fall into that trap."

"I sincerely doubt that Doctor Milowsky is interested in stealing your ideas," Kara noted, watching Rachel pour her tea, trying to decide if she wanted a cup of tea for herself. "I do understand the concern about things going badly, of course. But there are benefits to seeing someone who understands your work and has a security clearance."

This time Rachel laughed, before lifting the cup and sighing deeply as she took in the aroma. "Perhaps I will tell Lloyd that we can enjoy dinner together, so long as we both agree in advance that it will not impact our working relationship." Decision made, Rachel narrowed her eyes on Kara. "Now, enough about me, tell me how you're doing."

"I'm ... fine."

Rachel narrowed her eyes. "Kara..."

"No, really." The server stopped by their table to deliver Rachel's salad and Kara took the opportunity to ask for a second cup of tea — both because the tea smelled wonderfully and because she needed something to do with her hands. "It's made me nervous at times, actually. I was expecting to be quite sick but, so far anyway, I feel fine. I asked Doctor Egowman and he said not all women get morning sickness." Kara bit her lip, before admitting. "I don't recall being sick before either."

"As Doctor Egowman is the expert, I have no reason to question his feelings about your physical state. However, my question was how you are doing." Rachel's voice softened. "I know what you went through, Kara, both physically and emotionally. If you don't want to talk about it, I will respect that. But I need you to know that I am here, to listen to you if nothing else."

Tears pressed, and Kara blinked them away. "I'm trying not to think about what happened before. If I imagine this is the ... first time, it's easier not to worry about everything."

A shadow crossed Rachel's face, but she nodded briskly, true to her word. "If you ever change your mind, my door is open."

Kara gave a short laugh. "Well, I suppose there has been one change — I was never this teary before." She reached out to touch Rachel's hand. "I'm not sure that I said this before but, thank you Rachel. I don't think I could have handled what happened in St. Louis, or before, without you."

This time, Rachel's smile was genuine. "I'm simply thankful that I was there to help."

xxx

Kara rocked the chair slowly, listening to Delilah's even breathing and enjoying the weight of the child on her chest. In the last six months, Delilah had grown, her gangly arms and legs now dangling over the side of the rocker's arms as she snuggled against Kara. Soon, Kara suspected, she wouldn't be able to lift Delilah into the toddler bed without waking her — and by next summer there might be another baby to rock. For now, though, Kara cherished these moments. Stella outside in the yard, practicing soccer with Danny, while she rocked Delilah to sleep.

It was a life that Kara couldn't have imagined a year ago.

Seeing Laura had been a shock. Not because she was worried about the woman, or what she meant to Danny. Kara never doubted that Danny and Laura ended things prior to Brazil and Danny's reaction to hearing Laura's news was what Kara would expect when hearing news about an old friend. If anything, he seemed relieved that Laura was moving on, and Kara had to wonder if there were times when he felt a bit of guilt, as well, even if Laura was the one to break things off in the end.

Still, running into Laura was a visual reminder of how quickly Kara's life changed.

Just as it had six years ago.

For those few short months in the Arctic, Kara thought that she could see her future. She loved her career and was dating a man she imagined growing old with. Children were still a fuzzy sidenote, but Kara never doubted that, if she wanted to become a mother, she would. She even believed herself past the trauma of her childhood, convinced that she controlled her own destiny. She felt invincible, taking careless risks without understanding that she was playing with fire.

How very naive she had been.

Six short months later, everything had changed. She had gone from being on top of the world, to the depths of hell, and Kara did the only thing she could to protect herself — she hid. She retreated into herself the way she had as a small child when Debbie was drinking and, in the process, she shut out everyone who was trying to reach her. Rejecting them before they could reject her.

Because she was too afraid to lose anyone else.

A tear rolled down Kara's face, then another, as she imagined her life today if Laura had been that cowardice. If Laura had accepted Danny's offer of a comfortable life together, instead of insisting on more, even pushing him to try once again with Kara. No Danny. No Delilah or Stella. Probably not even the relationship she now had with Debbie, which had grown so much over the past few months as Kara found herself seeing motherhood from the other side. What was it Andrea said the other day?

I know that if it happened again, I could start over again.

Kara felt physically sick at the thought of something happening to Danny or the girls. Her grip on Delilah tightened, and the child twisted in her sleep, bringing one hand to her cheek. Kara forced herself to take one deep breath and then another, reminding herself that Delilah was here, Stella just down the hallway.

They were here and safe and nothing was going to happen.

And yet...she understood what Andrea meant, and why the woman was willing to take the risk of losing another family. She even understood why Tom and Sasha were willing to go through so much effort to have a child together. Because the last six months, even with the turmoil of the adoption, had been the best months of Kara's life.

And she would risk anything to find this happiness again.

Glancing up, Kara saw a figure crouched by the toy chest. She opened her mouth to ask Stella what she was doing, before realizing that it wasn't Stella at all but a shadow cast by the curtain.

A ghost child.

One who never existed outside of Kara and Danny's minds.

Kara watched the shadow dance. Imagining a little boy with shaggy hair dangling into his eyes as he dug through the toys, searching for a boat. Or a little girl with dark pigtails sitting crisscross, applesauce on the rug, a sketchpad on her knees.

And found herself smiling.