Chapter 19: At the Edge of the Abyss

Well, here we are again. Staring the end of the world in the face.

It's strange how used to it I am now. Daniel seemed, and continues to seem, so calm in the face of world-ending danger. But a part of me wonders if it's just a sort of… numbness to it all, like it seems to be for me.

Either way, we work on Unit-02 and Unit-08, scrambling to get ready as we draw closer to Tokyo-3. Home. I haven't seen it for a while. At least, not in ruins like this. More likely than not, we won't just be engineers. We'll be in the pilot's seat again. I won't just sit back and let the end of the world come so close without trying to do something about it.

- From the personal journal of Captain Shinji Ikari-Soryu

New NERV, Geofront, March 17th, 2028

Daniel Theisman looked up at the bubble of an AT Field, far away from where he was in the little WILLE HQ and invisible to anything other than the Sight, and cursed himself for his reticence.

He'd hoped by acting somewhat coy with the details that Shinji would, as he was wont to do most times, find himself curious, and seek him out for more answers. However, he only seemed more driven now to try his own way of stopping his father, and Kaworu all the more driven to protect him from anyone. Including him.

"Uh, Daniel? You okay?"

He blinked, his focus returning to Deputy-Commander Kaji and the display that showed the three sister ships of the Wunder. "Yes. Sorry about that. Something distracted me."

He shifted in his seat to better look at the display. "So, the Gebet, the Erlösung, and the Erbsünde. When did they launch and where from?"

"Well, we don't exactly have a perfect bead on the three of them, but we have an idea of where they're likely patrolling."

Kaji typed on the console in front of him, bringing up a world map. "The Gebet was launched in South America, the Erlösung from Africa, and the Erbsünde from mainland Asia. so far as we can tell, they haven't gone outside their borders, even to chase after the Wunder."

Daniel nodded. "I see. Do we know how they're kept aloft?"

Kaji shrugged. "The specifics are as good a guess from you as they are from me. Judging from the Wunder, though, it's not unsafe to say they have their own Evas as Masters."

Daniel considered the information that had now been gathered and realized that, when all was said and done, they weren't really going to factor into anything for the moment. He sighed quietly, wondering about what else he could learn about in order to gain an edge on… someone. Anyone that would be getting in the way of trying to help Shinji, and the others, actually patch up this world.

'Then again, maybe I'm not the one that needs to be learning things.' he mused as he looked over at Kaji. Sure, he could relay what he'd learned up to Ken and have him confirm it, but perhaps it was time Deputy-Commander Kaji knew what, exactly, his commanding officer really was.

"Kaji?" Daniel asked, pausing for a moment as Kaji waited for him to continue. He sighed quietly. "What I'm about to tell you next… it's going to sound a little crazy. But I need you to trust me that it's true."

Kaji's brow arched. "Okay…" he said slowly. "What are you going to tell me that's crazier than what I already know?"

"That Kaworu Nagisa is, in actuality, the 13th Angel, and so obsessed with Shinji Ikari that he has been restarting time over and over again to try and ensure his happiness?" Daniel ventured.

Kaji was silent, his eyes narrowing for long moments before they closed with a sigh. "As crazy as that does sound… it does make some sense."

Daniel was rather taken aback by Kaji's nonchalance. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, when I got brought back from death, I woke up in Terminal Dogma at Nagisa's feet. There wasn't anyone else around, there wasn't any machinery, and there was also the fact that he bore an uncanny resemblance to Ms. Ayanami. It wasn't hard to put two and two together there."

Kaji paused as he scratched his beard. "The whole Shinji obsession… that also makes sense the more I think about it. If he really is the last Angel, it would explain his powers as you've described them. And he was the most excited I've seen him… ever when he heard that Shinji was going to be arriving. The most insane part of it is probably the time-looping thing."

He shook his head slightly. "But, with the world having gone to hell like it has... why not?"

Kaji looked at Daniel with a slight grin. "Got anything more shocking?"

Daniel felt a grin of his own come on as he leaned forward. "How about that I'm from another universe, basically know magic, and have seen how this all plays out already?"

Kaji scoffed softly. "Now you're bullshitting me."

"How do you think I flew all the way from the Wunder to here?" Daniel leaned back and extended his hand, a chain of stars spiraling into existence and snaking around his hand as he raised it. "With the same methods that I use to create this."

Kaji regarded the display with wide eyes before he chuckled. "An actual wizard. I'll be damned. What else should I expect?"

Daniel's grin disappeared. "That things are about to get wild. I can't reach Shinji anymore, due to Kaworu putting up an AT Field around the two of them. So, right now… all I can do is get ready."

"And I'll start," he continued as he took a cylindrical crystal of swirling crimson and black from his pocket, something he'd been preparing for the last few days, "by giving you a way out of here."

Kaji's brow furled as he caught the crystal, studying it for a moment. "And how's a rock going to get me out of this place?"

"It's a little focus," Daniel replied. "It'll make an Expression that will teleport you to the bridge of the Wunder when you focus on it and think of the passcode: red jacket, sakura bloom, bridge. Those words will get you onto the Wunder in a blink."

He smiled slightly. "I even made it flashy, just so people know you're coming."

Kaji chuckled as he pocketed the gem. "Y'know, I'm usually about being subtle, but… I guess a get out of jail free ticket is what it is."

Daniel nodded. "I can agree with that," he said as he stood. "Well, I'm going to go walkabout. Hopefully not run into Gendo in the process. When things kick off… you know what to do now, I guess."

Kaji nodded. "Be seeing you, then."

With that, Daniel walked out the door, looking left and right before looking up with his Sight, looking around for a moment before finding the one soul that he had any ability and desire to go and try to talk to. With how Kaworu had tightened his AT Field around Shinji, it had left the Ayanami unit open to visits.

'I do hope I'm able to get through to her.' he pondered as he walked, shuddering slightly as he thought of what Gendo had to do in order to render her into a drone with little conception of… anything, really. Or what he simply didn't have to do.

Putting off the thoroughly unsettling thoughts that came to mind as best he could, he turned his focus to his Grip, positively humming as he connected his soul to it. He was more than sure that Nynrya appreciated the company. Especially when that company was as talkative as Asuka Bradley was.

"Then there was Koslova. She was a real wallflower when it came to the sims. Defensive almost to a fault," he heard Bradley say, a rather solemn note to her voice. "But she was kind. To all of us. Even the ones that gave her shit, like Thompson and Fermi sometimes did."

"And what happened to her?" Nynrya asked quietly.

"She got scrubbed because…" Bradley scoffed quietly. "She and one of her handlers were making a connection. One of those connections, if you know what I mean. At least, I think she was trying to."

"I see," Nynrya replied, a quiet sorrow suffusing her tone.

Daniel metaphysically cleared his throat, gaining the attention of the two women as he began. "I hate to interrupt your conversation, but I just wanted to inform you two of where we're going. And how soon things might start getting hairy."

"Getting that close, huh?" Bradley said.

"That it likely is." Nynrya rejoined. "Who could we be visiting, seeing as this world's Shinji is closed off to us?"

Daniel sighed quietly as he walked along a darker corridor that opened up into a break room. "The Ayanami clone. Maybe… there's some way we can sway her. Get her to think about the consequences of a world like the one Gendo and SEELE might bring to pass here."

"I hope it works," Nynrya said, and Daniel could feel Bradley's silent agreement.

"We've got some time before we get there, though," Daniel said after a moment's silence, probably one of the first that he'd experienced while connected to Bradley for days. "Were you talking about other members of the Shikinami program, Bradley?"

"Yeah," Bradley replied. "Nynrya asked if I remembered anything special about them, said that remembering them would give me some strength in the coming days and all that, in lieu of not exactly having any ancestors I remembered."

She paused for a moment, and Daniel and Nynrya both felt her contemplation. "Come to think of it, there was something Koslova said when one of her close friends, what was her name again… Reagan, I think. When she got disappeared."

Bradley's voice through the connection choked for a moment. "She said that as long as we still remembered the people, the sisters, that we lost, that a part of them would stay with us. I wrote it off until now. After all, dead was dead, wasn't it?"

She paused again. "But now… I think I get it."

Daniel nodded as he walked through familiar halls made strange, passing by one of the engineering quarters of the HQ that had collapsed here in the aftermath of 14 years of disuse. The sight triggered memories of his own, times spent with subordinates puzzling out a problem with an Eva, usually Unit-01, or making small celebrations when one announced a birthday or some other cause for merriment. He'd celebrated four pregnancy announcements here, not even knowing if the coming year would have made them meaningless.

He blinked as he found himself standing in the doorway, shaking his head slightly before he moved on. "On that," he said to Bradley, "your friend was wise beyond her years."

. . .

Shinji Ikari sat at the piano bench, Kaworu at his side, and sighed in quiet frustration as he looked down at the keys in front of him.

He was no maestro, that much was certain, even the simpler songs that they had practiced coming with no small amount of effort. He was starting to pick it up, though, he felt. The method and the muscle memory, far more quickly than he'd anticipated, had made themselves clear to him.

'Probably not quickly enough to make a huge difference in our training and prep.' Shinji mused. 'Or for father.'

"We can take a moment if you need it, Shinji."

Somehow, Shinji knew Kaworu was going to say that, leaning back as he looked over at the still enigmatic boy. "How much longer do we really have? I'm getting better, but surely father has a deadline for wanting to do this."

"We train until you are ready to breach the seal around Terminal Dogma," Kaworu replied simply, that slight smile once again gracing his face. "And for when we remake the world."

Shinji nodded. "We'll have to hurry, still. Misato's going to be here soon, I'm sure. And she won't understand. I have to do this."

He sighed quietly as he looked away and shook his head. "They don't understand that… I think I can actually do it. I can control it now that I have an infinite sync score. If their studies made anything clear, it's that I have the strength to do that much."

"Do you think that strength has cost you your humanity?"

Shinji blinked, taken aback by the question as he looked back at Kaworu, and saw the seriousness in his eyes.

Shinji opened his mouth to reply, and found that words failed him at the moment, looking back at the piano as he pondered the question. "Well…" he began after a moment. "What does it matter, really?"

His hand went to his throat, his fingertips just barely touching the DSS Choker that was wrapped around it. "More likely than not, I'm going to die doing this. Making a sacrifice that might not even work, so that they can have the world be back to the way it's supposed to be."

Shinji took a deep breath before looking back at Kaworu. "If I die… will you finish what I start? Remake the world to what it was before Second Impact?"

Kaworu's brow furrowed ever so slightly. "Why would you do this for the people who wish to keep you from doing it?"

"Because they're still my friends, at the end of it all. They've suffered for the last 14 years largely because of me. They deserve a world where they can just… be happy in. Be at peace. If I can give that to them by doing this… then I'm okay with dying in order to do that."

Kaworu looked… unsettled. It was the first time he'd seen anything like that on his face. "It appears I have underestimated your conviction, Shinji Ikari."

"People seem to be doing that a lot recently," Shinji said as he looked back down at the piano.

It was silent between them for a moment before Shinji heard Kaworu shift on the bench. "Shall we begin again?"

Shinji nodded as he put his hands on the keyboard again, waiting for Kaworu's signal to begin.

It was one of the more jaunty songs that they had learned together, Shinji playing the lower supporting notes while Kaworu's fingers danced across keys to play the higher ones. It had become at least somewhat familiar to him as they had begun to play together. It must have been one of Kaworu's favorites. The familiarity allowed his mind to wander silently as he played the response to Kaworu's call.

He hadn't seen Daniel since they'd last met, days ago now. Had he really simply left them to their devices after sounding so… concerned about what could go wrong?

It wasn't in Daniel's nature, at least so far as he knew, to do that. No, something, or someone, must be keeping him from reaching out again.

'Is it my father?' Shinji pondered. 'He did seem somewhat afraid of him and what he thought he could do.'

It was a possibility. Shinji had barely seen his father since he'd unveiled the… whatever it was Unit-13 was sitting in. He could have been just about anywhere in the base.

But… what little Shinji knew about his father was that he was a singularly focused man. Distractions, if they didn't try to get in his way, were simply ignored. Daniel probably knew that much if he could make the statements that he'd made.

So what was it then?

Shinji's brow furled slightly as he realized he felt… something surrounding them. He wondered what it was for a moment before the memories came back to him, and his eyes went wide.

It was an AT Field. He could feel an AT Field surrounding them like a bubble, its root found in…

'Kaworu? How can you do that?' he wondered. 'Are you… like me?'

Shinji's amazement nearly threw him off of the song, a moment's refocusing allowing him to only mess up a note or two. 'If he can do that outside of an Eva… maybe I can connect with him outside of one too.'

He focused as much as he could without throwing the song off — was it going for longer than it usually did? — and tried to make a connection to Kaworu's soul like he did in an Eva.

It was… fuzzy. But it was there. It was there! He focused more and more, the piano playing fading into the back of his mind even as he somehow continued to play the right notes, his connection getting clearer and clearer.

Then, with a seeming snap… he felt what Kaworu felt. An almost ecstatic joy and a deep wondering were wrapped up beneath a smile that was wider than Shinji had ever seen before as they truly synchronized, the piano seeming to sing out for them as they finally finished the song that Kaworu had kept waiting for him.

Shinji and Kaworu looked at each other with wide eyes. "I… I think we're ready." Shinji said almost breathlessly. "We think we're ready."

Kaworu nodded. "Yes, Shinji."

. . .

Daniel emerged into the massive LCL processing plant, taking in the vast emptiness of the space, and the utterly tiny room that took up a fraction of it. The light was on, and he Saw that Ayanami stood behind the curtain.

He saw as he drew closer to the curtained room that she was only a tangle of Frames. A Frame Knot, if he recalled one of the many names for such a phenomenon correctly. There was no soul core in there. Were she to unravel, she would simply… cease to exist.

For the briefest of instances, he wondered if such a fact had rendered this entire trip useless. Then, he remembered the link that Rei Ayanami had, however slight, to Rei Nagisa. Perhaps…

He stood on the threshold of the curtain, rapping gently on the wall with his knuckles. "Ayanami? Put on your Plugsuit, please."

"Is that an order?"

Daniel closed his eyes as a quiet, somewhat defeated sigh escaped him. "Yes."

He waited until he heard the click-hiss of a Plugsuit activating, then parted the curtain, revealing the Ayanami unit standing straight on the other side of the cot she slept on, who tilted her head ever so slightly as she saw him in the doorway. "Who are you?"

"I'm Daniel," he said as he stepped over the cot. "I'm one of Shinji's friends."

"Friends," Ayanami said as Daniel took in the sorry state of the room. "What are friends?"

Daniel opened his mouth, kept it open for a moment, then closed it. "You know what? Let me just show you."

With that, he linked his soul to the Frames that composed her mind and gave her his understanding of what friendship was, along with a few examples of what friendship looked like.

Ayanami was silent, her eyes wide and rimmed with tears as Daniel watched her process the frankly breathtaking amount of information. "Is this what… 'like' is?"

Daniel nodded. "In one way or another, yes."

Ayanami looked at him with eyes that were almost, but not quite, glimmering with… wonder. "Who are you?" she asked again.

Daniel sensed a different reason for the question. Some of his examples were, as far as she would be concerned, rather impossible to have in this world. "I'm a traveler." he began. "A protector. At least, now I am. I made some… very big mistakes. Ones that have had terrible consequences."

"That's why I'm here, Ayanami." he paused for a moment as he looked around himself. "Because I know what sort of mistake Shinji might make. And I want your help."

He looked at her intently for a moment. "Can you… sense the presence of Rei Ayanami? Other versions of yourself?"

Ayanami was silent as Daniel hoped she pondered the question. "There is… something. Perhaps linked to the vision that I saw in my LCL tank."

"A vision of yourself in school clothes?"

"Yes." Ayanami blinked. "How do I know that?"

"Likely through your link. But what matters is… you can see it, to some extent. The possibilities that you can have if you choose them."

"The purpose of my creation is to follow orders and bring about Human Instrumentality."

Daniel sighed quietly. "That may be why Ikari made the Ayanami line, but you are a person. A person who can make choices. A person who can choose to disobey."

Ayanami looked at him with an unreadable expression. "I am not ordered to disobey."

"That's the thing about disobeying," Daniel said as he took a step forward. "It doesn't care about orders. Many times, the best times, it cares about people. Like you, to some extent, care about Shinji."

It was silent for a moment. "So," Daniel continued, "will you help Shinji Ikari? If not for me, then for him?"

Again, silence, as Daniel waited for her answer. "I will assist Shinji Ikari." Ayanami finally said.

"And if that means stopping him from doing what he wants to do?"

"I will assist Shinji Ikari."

Daniel sighed again. It wasn't what he was hoping for. But it was a start.

He paused as he looked down at the copy of The Iliad and Odyssey on the floor next to the cot. It must have been some sort of abridged version, with how thin he realized it was. "Have you not read any of this book?"

Ayanami shook her head. "No. I have not been ordered to read the book."

Daniel nodded. "I see. Would you perhaps like to start reading it now?"

Ayanami paused, seeming to consider the question. "What reason is there to read?"

Daniel picked up the book, leaning against the wall as he opened it. "There are many reasons to read, dear miss. For one, we can still learn from those things which did not happen. Fantasy teaches as much as reality if we have the mind to see and the willingness to accept such teachings."

Daniel blinked, then chuckled. "Of course, we do it because we simply like it, too. It passes the time in a way that is more… fulfilling than simply staring at a wall." he paused for a moment. "Though I must admit, why Rei took a shine to this one, I still can't fully comprehend…"

He looked down at the book, open to its first page, annotated at the bottom and indeed a somewhat different translation than he'd expected, though not far off of the Lattimore translation, finding himself reading aloud without meaning to. "Sing, goddess, the wrath of Peleus' son Achilles, who brought pains a thousandfold upon the Acheans…" he trailed off, still wondering what Rei got out of this.

"And the will of Zeus was accomplished since that time."

Daniel's heart nearly stopped as his head darted up, taking in the sight of Commander Ikari, standing on Ayanami's cot looking at him from behind a visor, his face utterly blank.

"I didn't figure you remembered this from college," Daniel said as he closed the book and stood straight.

"Who are you?" Commander Ikari asked simply.

"No one you would know. Simply a friend of Shinji's here to stop him from doing anything foolish."

"Then you are, in turn, a fool." Commander Ikari said as he unholstered a pistol, his usual CZ-75B, and pointed it at Daniel. "None can stop the Gates from opening now. Such is the decree of they that have shaped all life in the universe."

Daniel blinked, taken aback somewhat. "You weren't usually that… zealous. Or verbose," he said slowly as he turned his Sight onto Ikari's soul.

What he saw was… somewhat shocking. All across his body were normal Frames, but the core…

'My god…' he thought as he saw the black mass, and the minuscule fragments of the core that glittered behind it like a starfield. 'It's eating him.'

"You used the Key of Nebuchadnezzar, didn't you?" he said, summoning his Grip into his free hand as stealthily as he could.

"Yes. I have gained the power of the Firstborn. And I will use that power to bring to pass the inevitable continuation of humanity. The unshackling of the mind and soul from the cage of the physical form."

Daniel nodded. "As much as it might surprise you, yes, I know what the old men have you up to."

He slowly raised his Grip, gemstone flowing into the shape of a sleek, modern revolver, a barrel hole at the bottom of the 'cylinder'. "But I, and a few others, can't have you in the way of our attempt to stop even more dangerous people than you and your poor doddering grandfathers from making things infinitely worse. So, we can put our guns down and talk things out like calm and reasonable men, or I can put a star the size of a small berry through your skull and move on."

It was silent for a moment before Ikari raised an invisible AT Field, Daniel's Sight allowing him to see it regardless. "You do not seem to fully comprehend what, exactly, you face. In my hands is godlike power, broken down in order to be interned within the fragility that is humanity's frail form."

"Please, Gendo. I've killed gods before." Daniel said, his voice old and chill as the barred blade began to glow above his brow. "Even so far removed as we are from either of those things, I can rip apart your little AT Field and end this with a thought."

If Ikari hesitated, Daniel didn't see it physically, and even Pneumaically, he was having a tough time parsing out his reactions. Then, Daniel blinked as Ikari lowered his gun. "If such is the case…"

Ikari looked over at Ayanami, and Daniel's blood ran cold as he spoke, flipping his gun in his hand to hold onto the barrel. "Ayanami, take this pistol and hold the barrel under your chin. If this man attempts to attack me in any way, you will pull the trigger."

"Yes, sir." Ayanami did as she was told, and Daniel's jaw clenched as she took the pistol in both hands and pushed it up under her chin.

"Damn you," Daniel growled softly. "Ayanami, put the gun down."

"I cannot disobey Commander Ikari." he thought he heard the briefest moment of hesitation in her voice, but the gun did not lower from her chin.

"She is, ultimately, replaceable," Ikari said, his voice devoid of anything resembling triumph or satisfaction. "And, should Shinji Ikari happen upon her body, it will not be difficult to put the blame on you. Shinji Ikari is protective of the one he perceives as Rei Ayanami."

Daniel kept his Grip pistol leveled at Ikari's face for long moments, wondering if he could strike him from behind, or knock the pistol out of Ayanami's grasp before she could fire it. The end of his pistol began to shudder slightly as he realized that, whatever came next, too many possibilities would cost Ayanami her life.

With a quiet sigh, he lowered his pistol, his Grip disappearing and leaving his hand free. "Alright. Your ruthless disregard of anyone who won't advance your goals managed to survive this long, I see. I'll be going. When I see your son next, I'll tell him you said hello."

With that, he rose into the air, floating out of the room and touching down on the ground outside, the book still in hand. "I'll hold onto this for you right now, Ayanami. We'll read it later, I promise you that."

He kept his senses heightened, his vision beginning to wrap around his head as he waited for Ikari to emerge. As he saw him do so, gun raised to the back of his head, he waited for Ikari to pull the trigger.

Bang. In the space of an eyeblink, Daniel took hold of the space around the bullet and began to pull at it like warm taffy, the bullet seeming to slow to a standstill a few centimeters before his head.

He sighed as he turned around, holding out a hand as the bullet slowed, then stopped, allowing it to drop into his palm. "It seems neither of us can kill the other at this moment," Daniel said quietly. "I will not risk Ayanami, and you will not be able to breach my many defenses here in the physical realm."

"Then I shall succeed another way," Ikari said. "Instrumentality will come to pass. The Gates shall be unbarred, and humanity ushered into its next home."

It was nearly silent for a moment as the two men regarded each other, Daniel's hand closing on the bullet before pocketing it.

"We shall see."

With that, he walked out of the room, leaving Ikari out of sight, but hardly out of mind.

. . .

Far above them, day turned to night, and Shinji and Kaworu looked up out of the courtyard that had been made from the Eva gantry as the stars began to appear.

They lay on the cool ground, watching as the moon rose. Shinji was used to the sight of it now, massive in its closeness and striped with patterns like barbed wire across its surface, rotating at a ridiculously fast speed. "When did it get this close?" he pondered aloud. "While I was in Unit-01?"

"Yes," Kaworu said. "Certain rules of reality seem to have broken down on this world in the aftermath of Near-Third Impact. This is just the most ostentatious display of such. Another are the Failures of Infinity that now at times wander this world."

"That's what those are called? Why's that?"

Kaworu was silent for a moment. "They are the souls that did not survive the intervening time between when I stopped you from fully initiating Third Impact and its completion. Their ascension is incomplete, their souls creating new forms to house their unshackled power that lacks much that they need."

Shinji nodded, continuing to look up at the stars as he sighed quietly. "Even when the city was still here, you could get a good look at the stars. They… seemed to be the only thing in my life that didn't change. I appreciated that, then."

"Now…" he sighed again. "I don't even think I have that."

"You prefer the unchanging nature of the void," Kaworu said softly. "You desire a space that is yours to control, and yours alone."

"I mean, I guess."

"It's a lonely place, but even still, you seem to survive it with an odd grace. Your heart seems fragile and yet paradoxically strong. Like a vessel of spun glass, beautiful to behold."

Shinji looked over at Kaworu with a furrowed brow. "That's… one way to put it, I guess."

Kaworu looked back at him. "Thank you for inviting me out here, Shinji."

Shinji smiled slightly. "Not a problem. Looking at the stars always helped me feel calm before something big happened. With what we're about to do… It was a given."

Kaworu returned the smile. "There is a certain… calmness to the stars. It makes me feel… as though I was born to meet you here."

Shinji's confusion returned. "What do you mean?"

"As I have said, I was created, much like Ayanami, with a purpose in mind. To change the world. But that purpose was made in mind for a world far different from this one. With our purposes as they are… it was inevitable that we should meet."

Shinji looked back up at the stars. "Maybe so. However brief our time together is going to be… I'm glad that I got to meet you and Ayanami here if nothing else."

Kaworu was silent, and Shinji didn't see his brow creasing again in concern.

. . .

The Next Day

Shinji rolled out of bed, stretching as he rubbed the tiredness from his eyes as best he could. What time was it now? He and Kaworu had spent a decent portion of the night just… taking in the stars. He still wondered what, exactly, Kaworu had meant by some of the things he'd said.

'Heart of glass…' that one stuck out most to him as he heard the hollow clatter of a platter of new clothes sliding into the alcove for him to put on. 'It sounded like he meant that as a compliment…'

As he pulled his white button-up over his t-shirt, he realized that it was a size too big for him. Maybe even a few sizes too big.

'Can the machine really screw up this badly…' he thought as he checked the inside of the shirt. As he expected, the shirt was two sizes too large for him. And… there was a name tag sewn into it as well, on the left side…

'Toji Suzuhara?' his eyes went wide at the sight of the name, belonging to a face now so far removed from the present. 'How did they get this shirt?'

How many shirts had he gone through that belonged to other people? Had he worn one of Kensuke's? Where were his original clothes?

Come to think of it, was this even his original body? He hadn't given it much thought before, but he had emerged from Unit-01 with an unlimited synch score. How human could someone be after getting that?

Those questions and so, so many more began to swirl through his mind like a tempest, threatening to drive him to his knees before he marshaled his thoughts, more than a few deep breaths breaking the sterile silence in the room for minutes left uncounted.

After what felt like far too long, the panic subsided, though a sense of paranoia still bubbled beneath the surface. Or had it always been there, simply shoved aside for the sake of his mission?

Either way, Kaworu was probably expecting him to go and try the simulator one last time before they deployed. He'd mentioned that Unit-13 was going to be ready tomorrow anyways. Whatever happened, it was going to happen whether he was ready or not. And right now, he wanted to be ready.

He walked out the door of his residence, looking side to side to see if Kaworu was there to greet him as he usually did. Now, however, he was absent. How odd.

'Surely, he didn't go ahead to the simulator, did he?' he wondered as he tried to sense where he was based on where the AT Field that still surrounded him was originating from. He felt… nothing. His sense of unease returned and began to grow as he simply made his way toward the simulator in the hope that they would meet there.

Walking the halls alone again, without Kaworu by his side as had been the norm over the last several days, felt… surreal. And all too lonely now.

As the winding halls and vast open spaces guided him into the room that housed the strange simulator, he came to a stop in the 'waiting room', merely a vestibule with a bench in between the two doorways and beneath one of the nonsensical new NERV logos.

On that bench sat a figure that he'd only ever seen a few times before, dressed simply in a brown jacket and slacks.

"Deputy-Commander Fuyutsuki?" he said, surprised that the man before him was even still alive in this day and age as he offered a polite bow. "It's a surprise to see you again."

Fuyutsuki waved him off. "Please. A Deputy-Commander of 4 is hardly fit for the title. Just call me Professor."

"Oh." Shinji straightened back up. "What are you doing here, Professor?"

"I'm actually here to see you. Do you know how to play shogi?"

Shinji blinked, somewhat taken aback by the odd question. "I think I remember the rules."

"That's fine." Fuyutsuki stood and began to walk past Shinji. "Follow me. Humor an old man, if you will."

Shinji stood there in slight shock for a moment, then turned and followed Fuyutsuki away from the simulator. They walked in silence for a long while, the halls becoming dilapidated and dark once again. Finally, his curiosity got the better of him. "Professor… are we really going all this way just to play a game of shogi?"

Fuyutsuki looked around himself as the way grew darker. "Frankly… not really. The game is more of an excuse than anything. There are things you should know, young Mr. Ikari. Things that should not have waited decades to be revealed."

Shinji blinked in surprise, but still followed along. The AT Field bubble around them, probably from Kaworu following behind, now began to feel more and more like a cage.

Eventually, they came to a dark room, a spotlight shining down on a low table with a shogi board and its pieces waiting for them to set it up. "I'll even play at a disadvantage, to help even the odds for an amateur such as yourself," Fuyutsuki said as he crossed over to the far side of the table, kneeling down and setting up the first piece, the clack of it hitting the hollow board echoing into the darkness.

Shinji kneeled down and began to set up his pieces as well, the two going back and forth. "You're tense," Fuyutsuki said as they continued their setup. "Considering what you have to do, it's no surprise."

Shinji was silent as they continued setting up. "I would advise you," Fuyutsuki continued, "to calm yourself, in order to achieve inner serenity. As you know, it's an important part of winning any battle."

As they finished, they looked down at the board, still pristine with not a single opening move made. "Checkmate in 31 turns," Fuyutsuki said with a surety that Shinji found himself envying.

The game started, Shinji not caring to remember the names of the moves as he made his opening strategy, and moved his first piece. Fuyutsuki was silent for a moment as he moved his piece. "Do you remember your mother?" he asked quietly.

Shinji shook his head. "Not really. All I really remember is that she died when I was young. Father threw away anything that was related to her."

Fuyutsuki nodded slightly. "I see." he made his next move, and reached into his jacket, pulling out a small rectangle that revealed itself to be a photograph. Shinji leaned in, and his eyes went wide.

It was the first time he had ever seen a picture of his mother. He was absolutely sure the woman holding a toddler with black hair, a blue t-shirt, and shorts was his mother. Who the others were in the picture he was less sure about, the two men unknown to him completely. If he squinted at the other person in the picture, a woman facing away from the camera and towards his mother and him…

He took the picture, noting the name on the back. "Ayanami…"

Fuyutsuki nodded. "Yes. Her maiden name was Yui Ayanami. She was one of my students, as was your father. It's how they met each other."

Fuyutsuki paused. "While they were my students, they attempted something that was, at the time, quite radical in science. They attempted a contact experiment with a material that had been brought back from a secret expedition underneath Hakone. Your mother made contact with it. She disappeared into the core."

"Leaving behind enough DNA to create Rei." Shinji finished with a sigh.

Fuyutsuki paused. "How… do you know that?"

"Someone who worked on Evas on the Wunder told me. So did Rei."

Fuyutsuki looked up at Shinji, his eyes wide. "Then… your father's… Ikari's plans have been quite upset already."

Fuyutsuki shook his head as a sound buzzed through the room, the sound of power being restored somewhere, unnoticed by him. "Oh, Ikari… if only you realized how easily things could go wrong…" he muttered, seemingly to himself.

"What was she like?"

Fuyutsuki looked up at Shinji, who looked back at him intently. "My mother. What was she like?"

Fuyutsuki was silent for a moment, a slight smile on her face. "She was… kind. Caring. Almost to a fault, but never fully foolish because of it. She saw the best in people. She encouraged others to do the same. It's how she…" he paused and chuckled. "It's how she saved your father."

Shinji's brow furled as he tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

Fuyutsuki shook his head slightly. "He was an inveterate drunkard, and a decent brawler in turn. Your mother apparently told him to call me if he needed to get out of a situation. That's how he went from being one of my students to an associate. Even, in time… perhaps a friend."

"What was he like then?"

"Much like he is now: utterly driven. He simply lacked the focus to go beyond his next drink or barfight. Yui gave him that. He owes so much of what he became to her. Not only for good…"

Fuyutsuki's smile became a scowl. "But for what he has become for her sake."

"What do you mean?"

"He has taken everyone that he can as pawns in his attempts to bring his wife back from the core of Unit-01. Me, yourself, all of NERV…"

The lights clicked on, revealing a macabre sight behind Fuyutsuki: a wall of hexagonal cubbies, all bearing heads, all of them with white hair that had strands of blue, some looking sightlessly back at him with familiar red eyes. "And every incarnation of Rei Ayanami that you have ever known and never seen."

Fuyutsuki shook his head as he took in Shinji's shock, the boy looking at the wall behind him. "There is nothing he will not sacrifice for his cause. Not his humanity. Not even his soul. And certainly not the final Angels."

Shinji's gaze snapped back to Fuyutsuki as his anxiety and paranoia began to boil over inside of him. "What?" he said numbly.

"That is the part of your father's plans that have not been upset yet. The final Angels will die, and Instrumentality will come to pass as your father wills it."

"No." Shinji nearly shouted. "I can stop him. I can remake the world. My synch score is… functionally infinite."

Fuyutsuki tiredly shook his head. "Breaking the world is easy. Downright trivial. But just as turning back the hands of a clock won't turn back time, remaking the world as it truly was is impossible. So too is it the case for the human heart."

The words seemed as old as Fuyutsuki was, but Shinji rebelled against him regardless. "I won't need to kill any Angels. Kaworu-"

"That's the thing, though." Fuyutsuki interrupted. "The final Angel took on a human face, by the hand of SEELE. The final Angel, the 13th Angel… is Kaworu Nagisa."

The words struck his heart and mind all at once, throwing all thought into a whirlpool of confusion. 'What. No! That can't be. It can't!'

And yet… so much suddenly fell into place. The AT Field. That strange sensation that he'd brushed aside when he connected with Kaworu's soul the day before. The ashen hair and eyes that couldn't belong to any normal human being…

He didn't know when he'd gotten to his feet. Or when he'd started running. But it didn't matter. 'I have to get away. I have to get away!'

. . .

Kozo Fuyutsuki watched as the young Shinji Ikari ran out of the room, and sighed quietly. 'How terribly the truths of this world hang over us all.' he mused sadly.

How terrible the consequences of Gendo's actions were.

Was it Gendo he was really following? What had the Key done to the man he'd seen grow warm, and then so, so cold?

He'd died that day. When he'd used the Key of Nebuchadnezzar. He'd been in denial since then, hoping that the Key had left something of him behind, but…

'I'm sorry, Gendo. I can't do this anymore.'

He thought of Iscariot. His other student. His last student. How to contact her now, discretely, he didn't fully know. But he had some ideas. And perhaps the intruder that Ikari had spoken about from the day before might hold some answers…

. . .

Shinji ran. It was the only thing he seemed to have the power to do anymore, his legs burning as he raced… somewhere. Anywhere that wasn't in this damned base.

He slammed to a stop in an empty section of hallway, the chromatic rippling of an AT Field springing into view as he landed on his rear. He was on his feet in seconds, pounding against the wall that stood in front of him. "Kaworu!" he shouted. "Kaworu, let me out!"

Wherever Kaworu was, he seemed to not hear him, the Field staying strong regardless of his protestations. Why was he keeping him in here? Why act so kind to him? To try and get him to not kill him?

It didn't matter anymore. He just needed to get out. If Kaworu could make an AT Field… if Daniel could make one…

He focused, trying to remember what it felt like to raise his own AT Field, how it felt to use it to tear apart another's. He pushed, harder and harder, feeling his AT Field smothering Kaworu's, making it thinner and thinner until he finally began to push through, tearing a hole at about chest height with his hands and pulling it apart enough to stumble through and begin to run again.

Now open to him, the hallways began to blur together, clean then dirty again, light and dark and light and…

He emerged into the open air, sliding down a slope on what must have been the exterior of the HQ, tripping and tumbling before rolling to a stop at the ground. His body burning in pain, it was more than a few moments before he got to his feet and began running… somewhere again.

No. He wasn't going somewhere aimlessly, he realized. He passed the rusted but still far too recognizable helmet of Unit-00, having sat where it landed 14 years ago. Memories crashed unbidden into his mind as he raced past, of a day of ash and fire. Of a day when he was a coward and a lunatic. Past the spigots Kaji used to water his watermelons, wrapped in moss and vines, past the ruined buildings, until finally, he came to the opening of that bunker he'd hidden in so long ago, uncaring of if he lived or died that day.

His lungs burned, every breath sharp as blood dripped from a few bad scrapes — was that really all that he'd gotten? — and his whole body seemed at the point of collapse. He stumbled in, past the roots and vines that had grown in and around the concrete and metal rubble, and kneeled on the floor, falling to his side as he simply… lay there, the emotions he was feeling now far past any sort of control.

Kaworu. Misato. Father. Ayanami. Daniel. All their voices swirled in his head even as he felt himself seeming to nearly float out of his body.

"Pilot the Eva."

"You will do nothing."

"What is 'like'?"

"I hope I'm wrong."

The voices in his head were joined by dozens, hundreds more, incoherent screams from the past and the present seeming to want to press him through the concrete floor and bury him in the earth. They just… wouldn't stop…

"Shinji?"

He could barely hear his name said over the cacophony in his head, couldn't even hear the footsteps as someone approached from around him, and squatted down to reveal…

"Daniel?"

Daniel put a hand on Shinji's forehead. "What happened? How did you get all the way out here?"

"I got past… Kaworu's AT Field…"

Daniel nodded, and the sight of him so concerned for him began to put Shinji at ease, the voices beginning to subside after… how long had it been? "I see. Alright, sit up. I'll patch you up."

A firm hand on Shinji's shoulder helped guide him into sitting up, and he saw a… a star come to life in Daniel's hand, tensing as he pressed it to a patch of scraped skin, and finding himself shocked to only feel a gentle warmth, like a particularly toasty animal was rubbing up against the wound.

Soon, it was gone, and the voices fully subsided, as Daniel continued his ministrations. "So, you got past Kaworu's AT Field," Daniel said. "Impressive, I must admit. I'm assuming you made your own?"

"Well, if you could do it… why couldn't I?"

"Well, technically…" Daniel began, pausing for a moment. "What I did on the Wunder that day deserves a lot more explanation than I think you need right at this moment. What had you running so far?"

Shinji shook his head slightly. "Kaworu. He's… he's the final Angel. This whole time. We've been playing to my father's tune…"

"Yes," Daniel replied. "He's not human anymore. It's how he was able to change the Spear of Cassius into another Spear of Longinus. I've checked. You're walking into a trap no amount of power can get through."

He finished healing Shinji and stood back as Shinji got to his feet. "Is that better?" he asked quietly.

Shinji took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. That feels alright, at least."

Daniel smiled slightly. "Good. Now, I hate to have you go back to where you just ran off from, but sadly, getting back to your place in the HQ might be better than having your father looking around for you. It might lead to some… unpleasant surprises."

"Like him finding you?"

"Oh, no. That already happened when I paid a visit to Ayanami."

Shinji's eyes went wide as Daniel walked past him, towards the opening. "And… you're still alive?"

Daniel sighed quietly. "He can't kill me that easily. Nothing really can."

Shinji nodded, then a part of his brain that he'd thought he'd gotten under control whispered to him. "Wait. Why were you visiting Ayanami?"

"To see if I could get through to her. Convince her to help you."

"Convince her to stop me, you mean."

Daniel sighed and turned back to Shinji. "Shinji, you're walking into a trap. However ready you think you are for it, you're not. I wouldn't be. We're both dealing with forces far beyond either of our comprehensions here, and that's before we get to your father's meddling."

"I know what handling an Instrumentality feels like. And now, I've got the training to channel it into where I want it to go. For the sake of everyone I care for, I'm going to make this world a better place."

Daniel sighed quietly. "If that's the case, then great. Truly. But there's no such thing as being too careful, especially when the world's at stake."

He took a step towards Shinji. "If we can somehow delay this for another day, we can stop your father. All of us, once the Wunder's arrived tomorrow. Then, we can study the-"

"The Wunder's coming tomorrow?" the revelation sent a spike of cold fear into his chest, and he felt the Choker around his neck like a vice as his heart began to pound. One of those voices from before returned. "You will do nothing."

Daniel's eyes widened for a fraction of a second. "Shinji, I'm not going to let Misato do anything to you."

"How can I be sure of that?" Shinji said, his breathing getting harder as he began to reach for the Choker around his neck, his mind beginning to spin again. "You saw her as well as I did when I left! She wants to kill me now! And you knew she was coming! And you said nothing!"

"Shinji, what comes next-"

"You don't know that! Stop acting like you know that!"

"I'm not watching you almost end this world again, Shinji!"

"What can you do? I've got an unlimited synch score! I'll get into Unit-13, and then you can't stop me from helping! I'll undo whatever my father's done, and I'll make this world a place for everyone to be happy, whatever it takes!"

"Shinji-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Shinji screamed, wanting with all his mind and soul for Daniel to simply go away.

His power, it seemed, was more than willing to oblige.

He felt a pulse ripple through him as he watched an AT Field spring into existence in front of him, race forward, and slam into Daniel. In the blink of an eye, he was… gone.

Shinji blinked again, then again as he processed what, exactly, just happened. "D… Daniel?" he whispered, his eyes slowly going wide.

He climbed out of the ruined bunker, looking around for Daniel. Surely, he couldn't have gone far. Right?

Then, he saw the trail of blood drops. They started 10, maybe 15 meters away, and went in a somewhat straight line out towards the HQ.

He began to follow it, his pace picking up as he realized that there was no way for Daniel to cover this much ground this quickly. 'No. no, no, no, no. I… I…'

He looked up at the HQ, scanning its pockmarked surface strewn with openings. Maybe he…

Shinji's stomach seemed to drop out of existence as he saw the splash of red, the smear under it that terminated above a hole that led into a hallway far above where he could climb.

'Oh, god… I killed him.'

What would he do now? How would he explain this to Eleanor? To the other companions he'd had? How could he let himself kill the only person that actually seemed to care for him?

The questions, the emotions, all came out in a tide of vomit as Shinji sank to his knees and heaved it onto the grass. He didn't know how long he was there, how long he cried and screamed and vomited again, but the next thing he remembered… he was back in his room in the HQ.

He curled up on his bed, the place near his face wet with tears. The silence felt… oppressive. Almost able to smother him more fully than any AT Field he could ever encounter. He could see him now. In the instant before he killed him. It seemed carved into his memory like a mural on a stone wall, a monument to his loss of control. Of the cost it could be to slip even for the slightest moment.

'I won't fail like that when I get into Unit-13.' he swore to himself. 'If only to respect Daniel's memory, I'm going to keep complete control of myself. Daniel… for you… I'll make the world as beautiful as I can make it before I go.'

He heard the door swish open, and his heart began to pound again even as he found himself lacking the strength to move. Whoever it was, it would only torment him further.

"Shinji. What has happened?"

It was Kaworu. The final Angel. The ideas that came with that truth hounded him as he shook his head slightly. "Lea… Leave me…" he rasped out. The words burned as much as his throat still did, and he fell silent, still shaking his head.

"Shinji, how can I help?" Kaworu asked, urgency beginning to color his words as he stepped forward.

"You're the final Angel."

The footsteps stopped, and he heard Kaworu sigh quietly. "Yes. I am. I am surprised that our connection yesterday did not allow you to divine that."

Shinji finally found the strength to sit up, looking over at Kaworu. "What do you want with me? Really? Is making me happy all that you really want to do?"

Kaworu nodded. "It is now."

"How can I be sure of that?" the paranoia still smoldered within Shinji as he swallowed. "You're still an Angel, at the end of the day."

Kaworu nodded. "Yes. But Rei Ayanami is formed of Lilith as well. A confederate of Adam, that one who became many."

Shinji blinked, then his eyes went wide, remembering the sight in Terminal Dogma that Misato had shown him all those years ago. "Wait a minute. How…"

"As I am an admixture of humanity and Adam, so too is Rei with Lilith." Kaworu continued, continuing to step forward. "You have told me somewhat about your experience with Rei Ayanami onboard the Wunder during our training. If she could overcome such effects as those, some of which are brought on by her nature, and stand with you, can I not do the same?"

Shinji regarded Kaworu silently for a moment, his mind still at war with itself. Then, the ashen-haired boy sighed quietly. "I know you had me make a promise to you. To finish what you start should the Choker detonate."

Kaworu walked forward, Shinji shying away as he came to a stop in front of him. "But I want to make a different oath."

His hands rose to Shinji's neck, his fingers pressing gently at its sides as Shinji felt the bubble around them, which had reappeared at some point, disappear, the AT Field focused on the collar as it did something Shinji didn't expect it to: click, hiss, and make the pressure around his neck, something that had managed to become almost omnipresent, vanish.

Without thought, Shinji took a deep breath as he saw the Choker lift away, Kaworu lifting it to eye level as he studied it for a moment. "You are willing to die for the sake of others in order to benefit them," he said quietly. "My purpose was always to be a tool. A component in a vast machine that would see a scant few lifted into godhood. I had no choice. I accepted that such things could not have a choice involved. But…"

Shinji's eyes went wide as Kaworu turned the DSS Choker around, and placed it around his neck, the red square divided into two rectangles as he clasped it around his neck sliding back into their familiar position. "You've shown me one can choose to sacrifice themselves for the ones that they care for. The world you want to make… it sounds like a wonderful place. Perhaps, should all go well… I'll see it with you. But if not, I promise that you will see the beautiful world you wish to bring into existence."

Shinji looked up at Kaworu, at that slight, sure smile that he had. "How can you… be sure?"

"Because I am sure in your power. The strength that your soul has to remake the Spears, and thus remake the world. Should you need me, I will guide you. I promise."

Shinji nodded, chuckling wetly. "I… I just wish he… could see it."

Kaworu blinked. "Who?"

"I killed him. Daniel. I killed Daniel with my AT Field."

The very admission made tears fall down his face as Kaworu sat down on the bed next to him. "I see," Kaworu said quietly. "I am… sorry to hear that. He seemed like a decent man."

Shinji nodded. "I'm… I'm going to try not to lose control again. He helped teach me how to control myself, at least as much as he could."

"And I will honor his memory by helping you do the same."

It was silent between them for a moment as Shinji marshaled his emotions, thankful for Kaworu's presence. "So," he finally said, looking over at Kaworu as he wiped his eyes one last time, "what happens tomorrow?"

"I believe Unit-13 is extracted from its final birthing pod, and we are sent down to Terminal Dogma to retrieve the Spears. Then, with my help, we shall remake whichever Spears are there into the ones we need, and we will shape the world on our own terms."

Shinji nodded. "Yeah." he took a deep breath. "Ready or not, it's going to happen."

"I believe in you. I believe in us. We can do it, Shinji. We will do it."

'For the people of the world. For Misato and Asuka and Rei. For Daniel.'