I was surprised to get so many awesome reviews—thanks everyone who reviewed! People who didn't review: SHAME ON YOU!
Unfortunately, as NameWeAreTooCowardlyToSay has not read the Circle of Magic, and it might be difficult to incorporate new characters into the sorry excuse of a plotline, we will probably not add characters from the Circle of Magic into the story.
Disclaimer: Is it so difficult to understand that we own no more than we owned in the previous two chapters? It's not like I'm going to randomly inherit PotC! If I owned ANYTHING I'm writing about here I wouldn't be writing it here, would I? I'd either be filming PotC or publishing my own LotR books! (Which I'm not, by the way. Just in case you haven't noticed.) Furthermore, I'd be really, really rich and I can assure you that I'm NOT. Besides, PotC is owned by Gore Verbinski. I'm not Gore Verbinski. Simple logic tells you that, therefore, I DO NOT own PotC. Same for everything else I'm writing about here, except for my own identity (AsvoriaGranger13; I took the responsibility of writing the declaimer for this chapter). Actually, I don't really even own that, as nearly every part of it came from a book that I did NOT write. Anyway, just believe me when I say that I do not own PotC, LotR, Tortall, HP, or really anything else.
And now: THE STORY…
Two rather large men in the ugly clothing led the party below the castle. What jerks, thought Malfoy disdainfully. And probably even less intelligent than Crabbe and Goyle. Which reminded him that he had no personal bodyguard type people. He'd have to hire some. But he had no money! Father would have to hear about this… His thoughts were brought back to what was happening when he was rudely forced into what appeared to be… a dungeon cell! "My father will hear about this!" Malfoy screeched at the top of his lungs. It didn't do much good. The guards in ugly clothing left. Neville (the idiot who got us here in the first place, thought Malfoy crossly) sniffed. The weird-looking pirate fellow with the long, beaded hair handed him a frilly, lacy, silk lady's handkerchief and backed away hurriedly. Suddenly, a high-pitched scream was heard from Ron. Malfoy was sure that he would be deaf before the scream stopped and resolved to make sure that as soon as they were back home Ron was sent to Azkaban for inflicting physical pain on another student. His father was very influential; it would be manageable. "Spiders," squeaked Weasel. "A spider! Save me! I hate spiders!" Panic was visible on his ugly face as he hurriedly backed away from a nearly microscopic dot on the floor, which Hermione stepped on. Ron gasped in relief and fell over.
After ridding himself of the handkerchief and watching the little red-haired, freckled boy with the phobia of spiders throw a strange little fit, Captain Jack Sparrow looked about the prison in disinterest. There didn't appear to be anything to steal. He decided that it was time to introduce himself. "'Ello, all. Might I introduce meself? Captain Jack Sparrow, at your service. Captain of the ship the Black Pearl. And you are…?"
The curly-haired girl who had insulted the royal family so well spoke first. "Hermione Granger," she said politely. I'm a student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This is Harry Potter," she said, indicating the boy in black robes (well, one of them) with the messy, dark hair and the scar on his forehead. She introduced the freckled, red-haired, arachnophobic boy as Ron Weasley and the tall, long-nosed, greasy-haired man as "Professor Severus Snape, the Potions Master." Jack wondered what sorts of potions he mixed; apparently nothing that prevented greasy hair. Did he mix magic potions? The name of the school indicated that… Oh well. Maybe he could pull a rabbit out of a hat or something and get them out of there. Though of course, his hat was back on the Pearl… he'd have to, er, commandeer another one.
Hermione spoke again, this time indicating the boy Jack had given the handkerchief to. "This is Neville Longbottom, another student," she said. Indicating the final youngster in a dress, she said, "This is Draco Malfoy, better known as "ferret." When Jack blinked, she smiled and explained, "Due to his rudeness he was once turned into a ferret and bounced down the hall." A handy trick, Jack thought. Perhaps magic existed after all. It was no more far-fetched than that nonsense with Barbossa and that Aztec gold. "How dare you insult me!" Screeched the Draco boy. "My father will hear about this!"
Hermione sighed and pulled what appeared to be a small wooden rod from the sleeve of her dress. Pointing it at the pale boy, she cried, "Scourgify!" The boy gasped as what appeared to be soap suds filled his mouth. He spat on the cell floor. Jack decided that he'd have to get hold of one of those sticks. Wands, he supposed. A very handy trick. There were some people he'd like to try that on himself.
At this time, the short, bearded man who seemed to have a fascination with bacon cleared his throat. "Gimli, son of Gloin," he grunted. Eying the taller men, he said, "What? Haven't you ever seen a dwarf before?" When Jack shook his head, Gimli said, "Well. This here-he pointed at the tall fellow with pointy ears- is Legolas. An elf, and the one responsible for cooking the foul bacon that landed us in this pit, Sauron burn it!" (The elf hunched his shoulders and looked at the ground. He looked downright miserable, and a tear trickled down his face to hang off the edge of his nose. His eyes were fixed on the floor.) Jack frowned; he'd thought elves were short and wore too much green and only came out of the North Pole at Christmas. Hermione gasped; she seemed excited. "Really? An elf? Do you have equal rights? When Legolas nodded silently, she squealed excitedly, "An elf! In some places elves have equal rights! There's hope for the wizarding world at last! We must inform the other members of S.P.E.W!" Jack decided that maybe she wasn't from a school, but from a mental institute of some sort. Oh well. The dwarf now introduced the tall man with normal ears as Aragorn, also known as Strider. He also pointed to the two small fellows, saying, "They're Merry Brandybuck and Pippin Took. They're hobbits. And by the way, we're all from Middle Earth. I'm assuming you all aren't given your confusion at the word "hobbit." Of course, we're probably just hallucinating due to the awful bacon-cooking skills of the brainless elf!" He glared at the "brainless elf." Legolas began to sob.
Jack realized that he had a headache. However, he remained cheerful. "That," He said grandly, pointing at Will, "Is young Will Turner, a blacksmith and pirate. He recently married Elizabeth Swann"-he pointed at Elizabeth- "The daughter of the governor of Port Royal. That's in the Caribbean, by the way. Commodore Norrington"-he nodded to the Commodore- "Of the Royal Navy."
They all blinked at each other for a while, each trying to figure out the names of everyone else, why they were there, and how they'd gotten there in the first place. Suddenly, footsteps were heard at the door to the cell and the jingle of keys was heard. "The council of knights wants to see you again," the prince's squire said curtly. "If it were up to the prince, he'd hang the lot of you, but the other knights want to see you first." Jack frowned. Why did everywhere he went have the hanging penalty? Deciding that there was nothing to do about it at the moment, he waited until the squire unlocked the door and turned around, apparently expecting to be followed, and put the keys in his pocket before eying the hall for something to steal. As they were led through the castle, he managed to accumulate several small purses filled with various amounts, which joined the small amount of coin already in his pocket, three small knives, and the keys to the dungeon.
As Hermione followed the red-headed boy down the hall with everyone else, she planned what to say to the council. She would probably have to be polite. What a pity. She also reviewed a list of curses that would be useful in a bind. Lately, she had been taking fewer classes and, as a result, had had some extra time. Besides practicing some spells on pillows in the Common Room, she had invented some of her own (under the watchful eye of Professor McGonagall) that she hadn't yet been able to test. One of these was the Mass Leg Locker Curse, capable of performing the Leg-Locker Curse on several people at once. She wasn't sure how many people she could use it on at one time, but had calculated that it should work on up to thirty or so people depending on the skill of the caster.
The redhead led them through a set of doors into a large room. A number of men and boys sat around a rectangular table. The queen, king, and prince sat there as well. As the boy led them to the front of the room, the prince noticed Hermione and made a rude sign. Hermione ignored him. "Well," remarked the King, "Which of you wants to explain what is going on here?"
When it became clear that no one else was going to speak up, Jack decided to say something. "Well, first of all," he drawled, "It's a very nice castle, as I've said before, and we thank you very much for your hospitality. Now, if you'll excuse us, we'll be going." He made for the exit, but armed guards stepped in front of the door. As they carried particularly large swords, Jack decided to try to talk his way out. He opened his mouth, but was elbowed in the ribs by Commodore Norrington, who he looked at indignantly. Oh, well, now he'd lost his train of thought. He'd let the Commodore speak, even though he hadn't been very polite. Bloody officials.
Commodore Norrington watched the pirate head toward the exit and be stopped by the guards. Then, the idiot opened his mouth, presumably to make another smart remark. Though a year ago, he would have been glad to see Sparrow forcibly killed, he and the pirate had become friends, of a sort. He elbowed Sparrow in the ribs and cleared his throat. "Well," he said, it's an odd story, to be sure. We were eating breakfast on the deck of the Black Pearl, the ship captained by Mister Sparrow"—he nodded to Jack—"when suddenly, everything vanished and we were on the jousting field." Listening to his own words, he almost winced. It sounded dreadful. It was probably even less convincing considering the condition of his wig. Some of the fine curls were starting to come undone; it was a cheap wig. After all, he'd been eating breakfast on a pirate ship.
His fears were confirmed. One of the younger knights at the table stroked the hilt of his sword and the prince stuck out his tongue with a smile that said he knew that he had won. The king asked gruffly, "Anyone else have an explanation?"
When no one answered, he nodded to the guards, who closed in on the group with manacles ready. "Wait," said one of the short, hairy-footed fellows suddenly. "I want to speak."
Merry watched silently as the guards closed in on the group. He closed his eyes, praying to the Hobbit Mushroom Gods for salvation. (Yes, they do exist. You just haven't heard of the Hobbit Mushroom Gods because hobbits don't usually tell people about them.) He closed his eyes, wondering how Frodo's quest was going and if he'd ever know what had become of his friends, when he had a sudden inspiration. "Wait," he said suddenly. His voice was squeaky. He swallowed and continued in a stronger voice. "I want to speak."
The room was completely silent. Almost, that is. The Man with the strange hair was whispering something. Merry was barely able to hear: "Please…don't do anything…stupid." Merry didn't know if what he was about to do classified as stupid, but it probably did.
"I and my friends, Pippin, Legolas, Gimli, and Aragon were eating breakfast," he began. "It was only First Breakfast, mind you. We were eating bacon that Legolas cooked. The only thing was, it tasted sort of funny. Gimli, who's the smartest and wisest…well, except for Gandalf, but he isn't here…said that it was probably the bacon that got us here." Legolas hung his head in shame. Gimli made frantic arm motions, but Merry didn't notice. "Anyway, suddenly, everything went dark except for all these green stripes and blue polka dots. The next thing we knew, we were on that grassy lawn area and you two were charging at us." He glared fiercely at the prince and his squire and resolved never to give them any mushrooms. If he ever ate any again; it was looking rather bleak at the moment.
He continued sadly, "And now Frodo's all alone back home in MiddleEarth. Except for Gandalf, that is, but… you know… he comes and goes, like wizards do. Oh, and there's poor Sam, but just the three of them. And they have to take that awful ring all the way to the Pit of Doom and drop it in to try to destroy it. And the Pit of Doom'll be guarded by orcs..." Put that way, it seemed even bleaker than the prospect of ever having mushrooms again. Merry wondered what would become of his friends and their quest. "So, anyway," he concluded, "That's how we got here. And I'm afraid that we'll never get back home until it's too late and we've failed and Sauron ahs prevailed." In a smaller voice, he added miserably, "Please, we need your help. We just want to go home."
By the time Merry had finished his story, nearly everyone in the room felt at least a bit sorry for the group, probably mistaking the hobbits for poor little children wrenched violently from their parents. Even several of the knights at the table had stopped fingering their weapons. Lady Delia, who had snuck into the room while the Commodore had been speaking, was apparently very sentimental; she was crying freely. Tears left tracks down her face. Her nose was running. As she no longer had a handkerchief, she wiped it on her frilly, pink sleeve.
Legolas and Will were also apparently sentimental; they wept side by side. Their sobbing was surely audible to the entire castle and was in perfect sync. Jack Sparrow, who was completely unaffected by the sentimentality (to his great relief), noticed that they looked remarkably alike.
Draco Malfoy didn't notice this. He was bored. AnaMaria looked bored as well.
The redheaded squire looked thoughtful.
Luckily for our friends, Hermione had somehow refrained from speaking. She contented herself with mentally reviewing her Transfiguration notes and wondering what she should turn the prince into if it came to that.
The other hobbit—Pippin— was starting to look hopeful. He fingered a mushroom-shaped pendant.The room was mostly silent for several full minutes as our characters fully understood each other at last. The exceptions were Prince Jonathon, who was angry at the amount of attention the visitors from other planets or wherever were getting and was also extremely bored, Malfoy, who was in perfect agreement with the prince except for the bit about the other planet—no, scratch that last few words, Malfoy completely agreed that everyone except Snape and him, especially Harry, was from another planet—, and Jack, who thought that his new comrades really ought to get over this bout of sentimentality before he got bored and did something rash. Like nicking that expensive-looking, gold-edged wallet sticking out of the prince's pocket. (The prince was near his new location by the door.) Oh, never mind, too late now.
"Well," Hermione said briskly, "Is that settled? You'll help us?" The King nodded impatiently. "Yes, yes, of course," he said. But first there's the question of how you all got there. "Oh, that's easy," exclaimed Hermione. "Neville added some books and muggle DVDs—metal disks with, er, a story, sort of, on them—to a potion we were making. The muggle items caused a chemical and magical reaction, which…" seeing the blank stares coming from nearly everyone in the room, she concluded, "Which reacted in a rather extreme sense and brought us here." The King looked confused but nodded and ordered the red-headed boy, who had still looked rather thoughtful, "Squire Alan, take our guests to the dining hall. They seem to be in need of some food. And," he added, eying the motley crew from MiddleEarth, "See to it that they receive bacon. And mushrooms." The hobbits began to dance a jig.
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The end of Chapter 3! Please review. We would also like it if you'd suggest whose point of view you want in the next chapters. (You can suggest several.)
Until Chapter 4,
Asvoria Granger the Thirteenth and
This NameWeAreTooCowardlyToSay
Once again…
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