"I'm soooo bored." Manny whined as we all sat gathered around the living room. The chill that had driven Jay and me back to the bonfire last night had stuck around, leaving us all inside trying to stay warm.
"We could play a game or something?" Emma suggested from her spot stretched out on the floor.
"Great idea, Greenpeace. Anyone up for a game of strip poker?" Jay asked with a sly smile. It earned him a dirty look from Manny and an elbow in the ribs from me. "Ouch! it was just a suggestion."
"You're disgusting." Manny snapped.
"You're the one that said you were bored." he replied with a snicker.
"I'm going to get a drink, anyone want anything?" I asked, standing up and stepping over Jay's legs that were propped up on the coffee table.
I returned to the living room, ice tea in hand, to find that Craig was the only one left. Manny, Emma, and Jay were no where in sight.
"Where is everyone?" I asked, walking further into the room.
"Jay's out back, Emma's out front, and Manny went upstairs to get a shower. I thought maybe we could talk." Craig explained.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked. "Vancouver?"
"No, actually I thought we could talk about you and this thing you've got going on with Jay. Ellie I'm worried about you." Craig said, standing up and stepping closer to me.
"And all of a sudden everyone's worried about me. I'm eighteen years old, Craig. I can take care of myself." I replied, trying to keep my tone even as I sat the untouched glass down on the end table.
"But, Ellie, It's Jay. You don't think he'll cheat on you just like he did with Alex?" Craig asked defensively.
"So, you cheating on Ashley means you're guaranteed to cheat on Manny? Craig, people change. Maybe you should give Jay a break. The two of you aren't so different." I added.
"That's not fair!" Craig shot back.
"No, you pulling this jealousy crap now isn't fair. You made your choice, Craig. You chose Manny so who I decide to spend my time with isn't any of your business." I shouted, as my temper began to rise.
"El..." he started.
I quickly cut him off holding my hand up and saying, "No! You know what? I need some air."
Then I quickly made my way out the front door. I breathed a sigh of relief when Emma was nowhere to be found and then I heard voices drifting around from the back of the house. I'd like to say that generally I don't eavesdrop, but when I recognized Jay and Emma's voices I had one of three choices: Stay there and listen, go back into the house, or interrupt. So I stayed there and listened.
"Hey," Emma said as she leaned back against the sliding glass door.
"Hey," Jay replied.
"I'm sorry that we crashed your summer. Craig forgot to mention this was your place." she explained.
"No big deal," Jay said with a shrug of his shoulder.
I heard Emma sigh before she continued, "I'm also sorry about everything that's happened, you know, with the Ravine and everything."
I heard Jay snort and I could see him rolling his eyes in my head, "Why are you sorry? I mean I'm the jerk who took advantage of your vulnerability, right? I'm the bad guy."
"It wasn't like that." she said defensively. "I missed Sean and you made me feel like he wasn't completely gone."
"Newsflash, I'm NOT Sean." Jay shouted. I could hear the anger in his voice and something else, something that almost sounded like hurt. He lowered his voice slightly but still had that edge to it, "I'm not Sean. I'm never going to be Sean. I screw up and I don't come out looking like the hero. I screw up and I don't come out smelling like roses. I'm a screw up."
Jay stopped and took a deep breath before he continued, "You have this bad habit of putting people up on these insanely high pedestals and then expecting them not to fall off. We're only human. We make mistakes. You of all people should know that."
The backyard went silent except for the occasional chirp of a cricket or the squawk of a seagull. I held my breath until I heard the Emma's faint voice, barely above a whisper say, "I'm sorry." Then I heard the back door open and shut before finally letting out the breath.
I eased myself around the corner to see Jay leaning on the back porch railing. His head was hanging low and he didn't see me. I cleared my throat to let him know I was there. He lifted his head and turned to look at me before asking, "Eavesdropping?"
"Not on purpose." I replied, stepping up on the bottom step. "I got into a fight with Craig and I couldn't go back inside but at the same time I didn't want to interrupt. Sorry."
"It's okay. Want to go for a walk?" he asked, staring deep into my eyes. It was almost hypnotizing. All I could do was shake my head yes.
We walked in silence halfway down the beach just enjoying the sounds I'd grown to love and the company I just couldn't figure out how I'd lived without. Somewhere in our two and a half mile trek he'd slipped his hand around mine and it had felt almost natural, like we'd been this close for years.
He sat down in the sand and pulled me in between his legs, wrapping his arms around me as we tried to ignore the icy prickle of the ocean air. I closed my eyes breathing in the sound and smells around me, the feel of Jay's arms and his breathing. I never wanted to forget this moment. The summer had been nearly perfect and I wanted to hold on to it for as long as I could.
"Can I ask you something?" Jay said, finally breaking the silence. I nodded, trying to memorize every pitch, every tone of his voice, every curve of his body that was wrapped so tightly around mine. He continued, "Are you still in love with Sean?"
The question shocked me although looking back I guess it probably shouldn't have. I wasn't sure what to say even though I knew the simplest answer without thinking. I was over Sean. I had been for over a year.
"I care about Sean, Jay. He's a good guy. But I'm not in love with him. Is this about Emma, about your fight?" I replied when I'd finally pulled myself together.
He shrugged, looking off into the distance to avoid looking me in the eyes. My heart ached for him. He'd taken a chance when it had come to Emma and all she'd wanted was his best friend. I couldn't even begin to imagine what that would feel like.
"Jay," I started drawing his attention back to me. "Last night when I was angry it was because of something Emma had said. She told me to be careful. That she knew what it was like to miss Sean and to use you to feel close to him. You know what I told her? I told her that the reason I like you is because you're NOT Sean. No one sees you as being perfect, and it's those imperfections that make you who you are that make me want to sit right here, in your arms, for the rest of my life."
He was silent but he tightened his grip around me. He put his lips against my ear and finally replied, "You're amazing. You know that, Red?"
"Despite my imperfections," I teased.
He ran his hands down my arms to where his sweatshirt was still covering up my old scars then he entwined his fingers with mine and added, "I don't see any imperfections."
We sat there for at least another hour just talking about absolutely nothing and everything all at the same time. We could no longer feel the cold that encircled us or bit at our cheeks. We were the only two people on the face of the earth and it felt amazing. When we finally decided to face reality, we stood up and dusted the sand off before heading back towards the house.
We hadn't gotten far when I tripped on a piece of seaweed that had washed a shore half buried in the sand and twisted my ankle. I could feel the hot pain shoot up through every muscle and bone as I fought back the tears.
"Are you okay?" Jay asked, kneeling down in front of me.
I took a deep breath fighting off the pain, "Yeah, I just twisted my ankle."
"Can you walk on it?" he asked, not even trying to hide the concern.
"I don't know." I replied, taking his hand and trying to pull myself up. But once I was up, I could barely put any pressure on it without wanting to curl up in a ball and scream. I could already see it swelling in the faint light from the moon.
Jay swooped me up in his arms and started back in the direction we'd been going. He carried me the two miles back to the house with out a single complaint and I loved him for it.
"What did you do to her?" Craig cried, as Jay kicked the door open and carried me in.
Jay sat me down on the couch before turning to Craig and angrily asking, "Excuse me?"
"Ellie are you okay?" Craig asked, ignoring Jay. "What did he do to you?"
"Fck you, Manning!" Jay shouted, before turning around and walking out of the house.
"Jay!" I called after him but it was too late. The only answer I got was the sound of the front door slamming shut. I turned on Craig, "What is wrong with you? Jay didn't do anything wrong. I tripped on some seaweed. He carried me home."
"Why don't you go get some ice?" Manny said to Craig. I'd never been so happy to have her stick her nose in my business.
"Thanks," I muttered as Craig disappeared into the kitchen.
"No problem. Are you okay?" she asked sincerely.
"I will be. Can you hand me my cell phone?" I asked, pointing to where my cell was sitting a few feet away. She stood up and handed it to me. I started by dialing Jay's cell, though I was sure he wouldn't answer. I was right. It went straight to voicemail, not once but all four times I tried. Growing irritated I finally dialed a different number.
It took three rings before I finally heard Alex's groggy voice say, "What?"
I looked at the clock on the television and realized it was well past midnight, "Sorry," I said before quickly adding, "Have you seen Jay?"
I heard her sigh before she replied, "No, why?"
"It's a long story but do me a favor, if you hear from him tell him to call me," I explained as my head began to pound.
"Yeah," She said. "Hey El, take it from me. He'll come home when he's ready."
"Thanks," I replied as exhaustion over took me. My ankle was still throbbing, my head was pounding, and all I wanted was the one person who wasn't there.
Craig came back in with an ice pack and Manny ordered him to help me from the couch to a nearby chair while she made the couch pull out into a bed. I watched amused that Manny was taking the time and effort to help me. When the bed was all made up, she ordered Craig to help me into bed and insisted that if I needed anything to just yell. I smiled genuinely, and thanked her before she and Craig headed upstairs.
I flipped through the television for over an hour. I wasn't watching it though, I was watching the neon glow of the clock tick slowly by. I was half asleep when I heard the front door quietly open. I sat up and our eyes met.
"Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to wake you up."
"You didn't." I replied, as he crumpled into one of the chairs that were sitting nearby.
"How's your ankle?" he asked.
"The swelling went down and it's not hurting anymore. I managed to hobble to the bathroom about fifteen minutes ago, despite Manny's insistence that I call her if I needed anything." I explained with a little smile. He nodded and I added, "I'm glad your back."
"Then scoot over because I'm too tired to make it much father than that couch that you're hogging." He teased, climbing into bed beside me.
I curled into him listening to his heart beat and then without even thinking I c0cked my head back and kissed him. It was deeper, more passionate then the kiss on the beach. The one that was meant to get rid of a stalker. This kiss meant more. It meant possibility. The summer had been about new experiences and taking the first move was definitely a new experience.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked, as I tangled my fingers in the hem of his shirt.
"Yeah," I replied looking straight into his baby blue eyes that darkened with the possibilities I was offering. "More sure then I've ever been about anything."
He kissed me hard then more gentle as his lips moved from my mouth down my jaw to my neck. I was so lost in his kisses, the feel of his fingers on my bare skin, that I didn't hear the creak of the stairs or feel the set of eyes that were watching us from the darkness.
