"What?" I asked again, a little more aggressively when Craig didn't answer the first time.

"I don't want you to be mad at me." Craig finally replied, giving what I assume was supposed to be a puppy dog look.

"Then you should have gone back to Vancouver." I said, making my way past him.

He grabbed my arm firmly to stop me from leaving, "I'm your friend, El. I can't help that I care, that I'm worried about you."

"I get that, believe me I do. I was worried about you when you got back with Manny but I didn't stand in your way. You made your own decision and I supported it. Why can't you do the same for me?" I asked.

"Because I don't trust him and there's nothing you can say or do that's going to make me trust him." Craig explained.

"So you're going to risk your music career to baby-sit my love life? That's beyond insane. And what about Manny? You really think she's going to be okay with that, you coming back to Toronto because of me?" I asked my voice rising again in anger. "Craig, just go upstairs, pack your bags, and go back to Vancouver before you dig a hole you can't climb out of."

"I'm not leaving Ellie." Craig replied. "Not unless you're coming with me."

"Oh my god, you are impossible!" I yelled throwing my hands up in irritation. "Are you even listening to yourself? You sound like a jealous boyfriend."

"Well," he said stepping closer. "Maybe I am jealous."

Before I could even reply, all hell started breaking loose. He leaned over and kissed me and without even thinking I kissed him back. I realized my mistake only a second too late. The front door flew open and I could hear a gasp before everything went silent. Both Craig and I looked in the direction of the noise and saw Jay and Manny standing in the doorway. I felt my stomach twist and my head grow fuzzy as if all the air in the room was being sucked out. The silence was deafening and suffocating. I wanted some sound, any sound, even if it was screaming and yelling.

As quickly as it had gone quite the room came to life again. Manny picked up a nearby vase and chucked it at Craig's head. I didn't even flinch as it shattered against the wall behind me. My eyes were still locked on Jay's. His face was growing redder by the second. He was angrier then I'd ever seen him and it scared me a little.

"Jay," I said, stepping away from Craig and towards Jay. He held up his hand to stop me and shaking his head turned around and walked out the door.

"I'm sorry," I muttered after him.

"You should be." Manny replied, trying to catch her breath from the number of curses she'd just yelled at Craig. Then she turned around without another word and stormed out the same way Jay had.

The room fell silent once again as my emotions began to bubble. I turned around and saw Craig still standing an arms length away. In that moment I knew exactly how Manny had felt when she'd thrown the vase at his head because I would have given anything for something to throw. Instead, I calmly walked past him and up the steps.

I must have fallen to sleep or, by the puffiness of my eyes, cried myself to sleep. I opened my eyes to an orange tent decorating the walls of my room and bringing back everything that had happened earlier. The sun was setting as I forced myself up and down the stairs. Jay should have been back by now, I thought as I headed for his bedroom.

I stopped in the open doorway of Jay's bedroom but there was no sign of him. I fought off the impending doom as I searched each room with no luck. I checked out front but his car was still missing too. I forced myself not to call Alex, instead dialing Jay's cell phone with no luck. I looked at the clock, he'd been gone for five hours and I was starting to get worried.

I paced around the house until I heard the front door open. I raced to the living room to find it was only Manny. The little bit of hope I'd been hanging on to quickly disappeared. Something didn't feel right and as each minute ticked by I was getting more and more desperate to see his face or at least hear his voice.

I was leaving my tenth voicemail when Manny came down stairs and sat down in the chair across from me. I looked at her but finished leaving the message before saying anything, "Not now, Manny, we can fight about this later."

"I'm worried," she replied. And I could tell that she really was.

I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by a knock at the door. I looked at Manny before jumping up from the couch and rushing to answer it. There was a knot in the middle of my stomach telling me I really didn't want to open that door but I took a deep breath and turned the knob.

It wasn't Jay on the other side, which shouldn't have been a shock because he had a key. My heart sunk to my stomach at the sight of the uniformed police officer standing in the doorway. I knew with every ounce of my body that I wasn't going to like what he had to say.

"Hello, do you know a…" he started as he opened a notebook and flipped a couple pages. When he was finished scanning his notes he continued, "A Jason Hogart?"

I felt my knees go week as the room began to spin. The officer was still talking but the only words I could hear were, Jason Hogart. I felt an arm go around my waist keeping me from collapsing on to the floor, which is what I really wanted to do.

"She's his roommate." Manny replied.

The officer looked Manny over then asked, "And you are?"

"A friend," Manny replied, tightening her grip around my waist slightly.

The officer nodded before continuing, "There's been an accident…"

I felt my legs buckle as a sob escaped my throat. I was stuck in a horrible nightmare that I really wanted to wake up from. I expected the world to stop but it didn't and the officer continued, "Mr. Hogart is in critical condition at Beach Front Hospital. Do either of you know how I can get a hold of his parents?"

I shook my head no and guessed Manny was too because at first she didn't speak and then she did, "His ex-girlfriend, she might know. She works at the record store on the boardwalk."

"Thank you," The officer said. "We'll go talk to her but if you here from them make sure you have them call the station."

The officer was gone but the agony was still there. A million thoughts were racing through my head and none of them made sense. What do I do? Who should I call? Did I turn off the dryer? Were the breakfast dishes clean? Was he going to be all right? Everything was jumbled, making the confusion worse. I couldn't think. I could barely breathe. The world wasn't slowing down or stopping. It wasn't sharing my misery or pain. I felt like I was hanging from a cliff and the only thing keeping me from falling was slowly ripping in two.

"I don't know what to do." I said, looking at Manny in desperation. "I don't know what to do."

Craig chose that moment to come down the stairs. One look at me and anyone could have told there was something wrong. His face scrunched up in fear as he asked, "What's wrong? What happened?"

"There's been an accident." Manny started, her voice shaking on the verge of tears. "It's Jay."

I looked up at Craig, barely seeing through my own tears, "I need to get to the hospital. I need to call Alex."

Craig nodded picking up my cell phone along with his. With Manny on one side and him on the other I made my way outside and into Craig's car. He handed me my cell phone once we were buckled in but my heads shook so bad I couldn't dial the number. I couldn't even see the numbers.

"Let me do that," Manny said wiping tears from her cheeks. She reached out and took the phone from my hands, "What's the number."

I told her the number then snuggled further into the sweatshirt I'd taken from Jay's drawer after my nap. It smelled like him a mixture of cologne, sweat, motor oil, and sunscreen. It was comforting knowing that a part of him was there with me.

It seemed to take forever to get to the hospital. I stared out the window watching the other cars speed by. They were going to the beach, or to work, or home to their loved ones. They didn't know what it was like to feel your whole world turned up side down in less than twenty-four hours. They didn't know what it was like to be sitting in the back seat of a beat up car praying for a do over. Wishing with everything that you have to be able to go back just a few hours and fix it. Hoping that he'll wake up with just the sound of your voice but knowing that you're the reason he's in this mess in the first place.

The lady sitting behind the front desk reminded me of the old, bitter, librarian that frightened me when I was in grade four. She scrawled at us like we'd just set fire to the reference section. Hard, angry gray eyes that felt like they were going to bore a hole in you, accusing you of everything you were accusing yourself of.

"We're here to see Jason Hogart," Manny said uneasily.

"Are you family?" The lady asked, her voice course and threatening.

"We're the closest thing he's got." A familiar voice said from behind.

I turned around to see Alex and Brie standing behind me. I hugged Alex like she was a long lost best friend, someone I'd known almost my whole life. She was the only one who knew what I was going through, who really knew what I was feeling at that moment. She was paler then usual and I could feel her shaking the same way I was. Then I remember she'd once told me she hated hospital more than junior finals, more than root canals, or Heather Sinclair's polka dotted sun dress.

She hugged me back at first then remembering we weren't alone, gently pushed me away, "Have they told you anything?"

I shook my head no, "We just got here."

We all turned back to the secretary who pointed to the waiting room and said, "He's in with the doctors. Wait in there."

We followed her bony finger to the waiting room. The tiny television in the corner was playing some soap opera where someone's sister slept with her boyfriend's brother's cousin. I paced back and forth unable to sit still until I knew, either way I needed to know.