It seemed like now that I wanted time to speed up, now that I needed answers the clock was moving backwards. It felt like hours, or days before a good looking man in his early thirties walked into the room. He was wearing a pair of blue-green scrubs and carrying a clip board.
"The friends of Jason Hogart," he asked, looking up and scanning the room.
"Yeah," I heard Alex reply and the doctor headed over towards us.
"I'm Doctor Andrews," he began. "Is there a parent of other relative present?"
We shook our heads no and waited for him to continue, "Okay, then all I can tell you is that your friend is unconscious and in critical condition. You're welcome to go in and see him but only one at a time."
"Is he going to be okay?" I asked, barely recognizing my own voice. It sounded so far away, like I was hearing it on television or the radio.
"It's too early to tell." Dr. Andrews replied and then before leaving to go back to his duties he added, "He's in room two."
Alex and I both looked at each other and despite the fact that I wanted to see him, needed to see him, I nodded for her to go ahead. She disappeared out of the waiting room and everyone went back to what they had been doing before. Except for me, I just stood there. Fear had me paralyzed in the spot. My arms wrapped around my waist as I hugged myself.
"Can I get you anything?" Brie asked, stepping in front of me and drawing my attention away from the spot I was staring at on the floor. "Coffee, something to eat, shoulder to cry on?"
"Can you make him wake up?" I asked, as a fresh round of tears pushed their way to the surface.
"No," She replied with a sad smile. "I wish I could, for you, for Alex. I know what it's like to be stuck here with no answers and no clue whether or not your friend's going to be okay. Two years ago a friend of mine got drunk and decided to go rock climbing. He fell and hit his head. I spent two weeks in here, scared to death. It sucked."
"What happened?" I asked, scared to know the answer and scared not to.
Brie looked down at the ground, "He died." She looked back up at me before adding, "But that doesn't mean Jay will. Hang in there Ellie, because right now he needs you to be strong because he can't be."
He needed me to be strong? Was that even possible?
I looked up as Alex walked back into the room trying to hide the tears she'd been crying. Alex was strong. I was weak. I took a deep breath before heading down the hallway to room two.
I stopped outside the room, my hand gripping the doorknob firmly. If it had been flesh I would have caused a bruise. I told my self I could do it even though I wasn't sure it was true. With one last sigh I pushed the door open and walked in.
My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. His face was swollen with the colors of a gothic rainbow, black, blue, and purple. There were cuts and scrapes covering both his face and his arms. There was a bandage on his forehead hiding only god knows what.
I sat down in the chair beside him, keeping my hands in my lap. I was afraid to touch him for fear he'd break. I realized that I was doing it again, watching him sleep. It was the second time in less than a week. His words drifted back to me, "Contemplating ways to kill me, Red?" The tears broke loose as I finally reached for his hand. It was warm and slightly comforting to have, just to feel his fingers against my skin.
"I'm sorry," I whispered through the tears. "I'm sorry."
I wanted him to squeeze my hand, to open his eyes and tell me everything was going to be okay but he didn't. The only sound in the room besides my sobbing was the beeps and whirls of the machines he was hooked up to. I studied them, trying to figure out exactly what they did, how they worked. I was reading the buttons on one of the machines when a nurse walked in to the room.
"You're going to have to step outside while I check his vitals." She said placing a hand on my shoulder. I nodded but made no attempt to move.
"Ma'am," the nurse added.
I nodded again but this time I stood up. I gently placed Jay's hand back on the bed before turning and walking out of the room. The tears that had stalled while I was looking over the medical equipment erupted the second I was in the hallway. I slowly made my way to the waiting room, trying desperately to pull myself together.
Manny hugged me when I entered the room. It was awkward yet felt completely normal. Alex and Brie had left. They were both on duty at the record store and since Alex wasn't particularly fond of hospitals it was probably for the better.
"Lets get you home," Craig said, putting a hand on my shoulder.
Something inside of me snapped as I whirled around to face him. I reached out and slapped him without even thinking, without even meaning to. My face fell in shock before being replaced again with anger, "This is all your fault. You couldn't just leave it alone, could you? You couldn't just let me be happy. You ruined everything. Just go back to Vancouver, Craig. Because I really don't want you here."
I was shaking by the time I finished, whether it was in fear or rage I wasn't really sure. I felt drained of all energy but I forced myself to stand my ground. I refused to feel bad about the hurt in Craig's eyes because it was his fault Jay was fighting for his life, because it was our fault.
"Ellie, you're exhausted." Manny started and I knew where it was going. I started shaking my head no before she could even continue. "You need food, a nice hot shower, and some sleep. We can come back later."
My head was shaking faster with every word. When she finally finished I replied, "I'm not going anywhere," and then I pointed at Craig and added, "Especially with him."
They tried changing my mind a couple more times before finally realizing it was pointless and giving up. They left, leaving me alone in the hospital waiting room until I could get back in to see Jay.
Manny studied Craig out of the corner of her eye. His cheek was a light pink from where Ellie had slapped him and the far away look in his eye was almost scary. They'd been riding in silence since pulling away from the hospital.
"She's scared." Manny said, finally breaking the silence. "She didn't mean what she said."
"Maybe. But she was right, this is all my fault. I just hate the idea of her being with that jerk." Craig replied, keeping his eyes firmly on the road instead of looking at Manny.
"Why?" She asked. "He's been nothing but great to her the entire time we've been here."
"Are you kidding me?" Craig shot back. "He was using her the same way he used Emma. I can't believe you're defending him."
"He's not the one who cheated on his girlfriend." Manny said before turning away from Craig to look out the window. After a couple of quiet seconds she pulled out her cell phone and dialed.
"Who are you calling?" Craig asked. She just ignored him.
A voicemail box picked up, "Hey Em, it's me. I wish I was calling under better circumstances but something's happened. Jay's been in an accident and he's pretty bad off. We won't know a whole lot until they get a hold of one of his parents. I figured since you were with Sean you might want to know. Talk to you later."
Manny hung up the phone and turning her face as far away from Craig as she could. She wiped away the tear that had made its way down her cheek. Never in a million years would Manny have thought she'd be feeling this bad for Jason Hogart, that she'd be defending him.
I was half a sleep, hunched over Jay's hospital bed when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up into the face of a new revolving nurse. The whole day nurses had come and gone. I had yet to see the same one twice.
"I'm sorry miss but visiting hours are almost over." she said with a friendly smile.
I looked at her as if she'd just grown a third head and then with a steady voice asserted, "I'm not leaving."
She looked at me in shock at first, then she looked at Jay and when her eyes came back to mine they'd softened. With a friendly smile she said, "I can get you a blanket and a pillow for the couch in the waiting room, but you can't stay in here. Your boyfriend needs his rest if he's going to get better."
My boyfriend. It sounded funny even to me but I didn't correct her. I nodded my understanding, before looking back at Jay. I kissed his hand gently before following the nurse out of the room.
The couch was lumpy and the sleep was restless. I spent most of the night flipping through the channels on the tiny television screen until my eyes fell shut. It was amazing to me how one fantastic summer could turn to crap so quickly. Then I thought about Jay. I tried to remember the look on his face at the bonfire, or the night I twisted my ankle. But all I could see was the bruised and battered Jay that was lying right down the hall. It was funny how we take for granted that people are just going to be there when there's no guarantee they will.
