For the next few hours I gave Jay his space. I figured his recovering was more important than whatever drama was or wasn't going on between us. It was hard hanging out in the waiting room with everyone else. I could feel their questioning looks but thankfully no one verbally asked the questions.
When dinner time rolled around and the gang decided to go out and grab a bite to eat I declined their invitation. No matter what happened I had to talk to Jay. I just couldn't wait any longer. He needed to know I was sorry. He needed to know how much I cared.
I gently opened the door to his room to find him lying there watching television. The swelling in his face had gone down but the bruises were still visible. He didn't see me so I just stood there watching.
Eventually he looked over and asked, "You just going to stand there?"
I smiled, stepping further into the room. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been this nervous. Interview for co op with smeared eyeliner and a white shirt stained purple was easier than telling Jay Hogart that I was in love with him. I cleared my throat as I sat down in the same chair I'd been sitting in for days.
"How are you feeling?" I asked.
"How do you think I'm feeling?" He asked snidely.
I sighed, looking down at my hands instead of his eyes. The blue was swimming with anger and hurt and I couldn't bring myself to face it. He wasn't going to make this easy on me and I didn't blame him.
"Jay, you have no idea how sorry I am." I started. "I got carried away in a moment but I don't want to be with Craig. I want to be with you."
"Then why is he still here?" Jay asked. "Lets just face it Red, whatever was or wasn't going on between us was a mistake."
"Don't say that." I said, my voice shaking slightly.
"Oh, come on Ellie. You and me? That was never going to happen. I'm not stupid and you're no different then Emma." He replied.
It felt like a slap to the face. Being compared to Emma was one of the worst feelings I'd ever had, especially since it was Jay doing the comparing. I opened my mouth to defend myself but no words came out. I'd brought this all on myself but I was still determined to fix it.
That evening I went home with everyone else. I figured there was no reason to stay at the hospital overnight if Jay didn't want me there. I had things to do at home anyway. I leaned against the doorway of Craig's room watching as he flipped through the latest edition of Rolling Stone.
"Can we talk?" I asked.
He quickly put down the magazine and sat up, patting the bedspread beside him. I hesitated a minute then sat down next to him. I made sure to leave plenty of space between us.
"What do you want, Craig?" I asked. "I mean, I told you how I felt about you at the wedding and you chose Manny. Why would you kiss me? Why would you risk it? What exactly is it that you want?"
"I don't know." He answered honestly.
I sighed turning slightly to look Craig directly in the eyes, "Well, I do know what I want. I want Jay. But I'm never going to be able to fix things with him if you're around. If you care about me at all Craig, you'll go back to Vancouver."
He sat quietly a moment and I figured he was working out an argument but when he opened his mouth he simply said, "Okay."
"Okay?" I asked.
"Okay, I'll leave." He said. "If that's really what you want then I'll go. But Ellie, I care about you a lot. If you ever need me for anything promise you'll call, write, email, something?"
"I promise." I replied.
Another weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I wasn't sure exactly how or if I could fix things with Jay but I knew with Craig out of the picture it would be a little easier, a little more possible. I felt a smile moving across my lips as both Craig and I stood up. I hugged him, thankful that he was going to back off and give me the chance to see if what I wanted was going to be as perfect as I thought it was.
I headed downstairs a short time later to find Manny moping around the living room. She had a box of tissues sitting beside her while she watched The Notebook on television. I flopped down next to her sitting the tissue on the coffee table.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked.
"This movie is just so sad." She cried.
I looked at her like she'd gone completely mad, "Then turn it off."
She reached for the tissues and blew her nose, "No, it's one of my favorites."
I sat quietly for a minute, thankful that I wasn't one of those overly emotional girls like Manny. I watched the movie play in front of me, two people from two entirely different worlds, never supposed to be together, falling in love, being torn apart, and then finding each other again. Before I knew it I felt something slide down my cheek. I swiped it away quickly before Manny could notice.
"I saw that," She said through her tears, a little smile turning up the corners of her mouth.
I laughed, "Well, let's keep it between us."
"Deal," She added, setting her used tissue down and reaching for a new one.
"Where is everyone?" I finally asked when the movie was over and the tears had stopped.
"Emma and Sean went down to the beach and Craig's packing." She explained, picking up her mass of tissues.
"Have you talked to him? About everything that happened?" I asked, reaching for my own tissues.
"No, I don't see the point. This isn't the first time he's cheated and I can't guarantee it's the last." She answered, heading towards the kitchen.
I followed, not giving her the chance to walk out of the conversation, "Do you love him?"
She paused with her back towards me before finally replying in a low voice, "Yes."
"Then don't give up so easily. Talk to him before he leaves Manny, otherwise you may miss your chance." I suggested, tossing my tissues into the trashcan before leaving her to soak in what I'd said. I hoped for both of their sakes she'd do it, she'd talk to him before he left. For some strange reason I wanted them to work things out.
There was a knock on the door. Craig stopped his packing to turn around and see who it was. He was surprised to see Manny standing in the doorway. She'd done her best to avoid him the last few days even more so once Jay had woken up.
"Hey," He said before adding, "Come in."
Craig moved a pile of clothes over so that Manny could sit down but Manny stayed in the doorway. They stood there staring at each other in silence for a minute before Manny finally spoke.
"I don't know if we're going to be able to get past this this time." She started. "You hurt me, Craig. Again."
Craig nodded sitting down in the spot he'd cleared, "I know and I'm sorry."
"You're always sorry," She said in a small voice. "And I always forgive you. I'm just not so sure I can this time."
Craig didn't speak. He wasn't sure what to say to that. He'd always taken it for granted that Manny would always be there no matter what he did, no matter how many times he screwed up. He felt hollow inside at the realization that she may not forgive him this time.
Manny sighed taking one step into the room, "I think we should take a step back and see what happens. You'll be in Vancouver for at least a couple more months, right? And I'm going to be a senior. I think the space will do us both good."
Craig nodded, "I'm going to miss you, Manny."
Manny smiled, "I'm going to miss you too, Craig. We can still talk though, on the phone or through email. I'm not saying we cut off all communication, just take a step back, you know?"
Craig left the next day and by the end of the week Jay was released from the hospital. I had volunteered to pick him up but he turned me down saying he'd already asked Alex to do it. I was disappointed but didn't argue. I spent the morning he was released cleaning up the house and doing up the laundry. I had worked myself into a frenzy by the time the front door opened and Jay limped his way in.
It took every thing I had not to throw myself at him. I was so happy to see him looking better. The bruises were fading and the stitches had been removed form the cut on his forehead. He was still limping and still fighting the pain in his ribs but it was only a matter of time before he'd be all healed. By the end of the summer he'd be the same old Jay.
"Let me help you," I said, taking a step towards him as he made his way into the living room.
"I'm fine," He replied firmly. "I can do it myself."
"Man, it's good to see you out of the hospital." Sean said breaking the tension in the room.
"Yeah well, I hope you didn't come all this way just for me." Jay added in irritation, "Because if you did, it was a wasted trip."
With that he disappeared into his bedroom the wooden door slamming shut behind him. I could feel everyone looking at me. Sean's eyes were burning a hole in my back. I muttered an excuse me before heading out the front door that Jay had just come in. I needed fresh air and a long walk.
I headed down to the beach, slipping off my flip flops and sinking my toes into the sand. I made my way along the water's edge letting the ocean water run over my bare feet. I breathed in the salty air, trying to clean my head of all the bad things that had happened this past week, for the last month, or year, or lifetime. Things had to get better eventually, right?
It was late when I finally made my way back to the house. Manny was sitting in a lawn chair on the back porch as I made my way up the steps. I flopped down next to her but it was minutes later before either of us spoke.
"You know you're pretty good at giving advice." Manny started. "Maybe, you should follow your own advice."
"What do you mean?" I asked, slightly confused.
"In the words of Ellie Nash, don't give up so easily. Talk to him otherwise you just might miss your chance." Manny replied with a little smile before standing up and walking back into the house.
I really hated it when Manny was right. It was time for me to be that fearless, strong, adventurous girl Jay had made me see. I made the decision that tomorrow, no matter how hard Jay made it I was going to tell him every thing. No matter what insults he threw at me, he was going to hear how I felt.
I woke up the next morning with and forced myself out of bed. Today was going to be the day. I showered and dressed before making my way downstairs.
"Good morning," Sean called from the couch where he was eating a bowl of cereal.
"That has yet to be determined." I replied, walking into the kitchen and pouring a cup of coffee. "Have you seen Jay?"
"Yeah, he insisted on going down to the beach. I tried talking him out of it but he wouldn't listen." Sean explained.
"Thanks," I said before making my way out of the house and down the beach.
The day was overcast and a breeze had chased most of the people off the beach. Jay wasn't hard to find. He hadn't wandered too far from the house and I figured it must have had something to do with the pain.
"Hey," I said sitting down beside him in the sand.
"Hey," He mumbled, glancing at me briefly before turning his attention back towards the rough looking waves of the ocean.
"You have no idea how scared I was when you didn't come home that night." I started, trying to hold back the tears as long as possible. "How scared I was when that cop showed up."
I paused taking a deep breath as I forced myself to finish, "I know you're angry about the kiss with Craig but it meant nothing. He means nothing. You, Jay, you're everything."
By the time I finished he was looking at me but I couldn't read his expression. His face was blank and I felt my stomach flip. I wanted him to say something, anything. With a small smile he finally broke the silence, "Is that another Ellie Nash original?"
I laughed feeling a flood of relief, "Actually I borrowed it from the movie Dirty Dancing."
He chuckled washing away all the tension that had been surrounding us all summer, "We're going to have to do something about this love you have for eighties movies. It's just not natural."
"Hey," I started, nudging him gently. "You thought Bender was cool."
"Yeah, that little redhead wasn't too bad either." He teased.
We were both laughing when the sky opened up and the rain began to beat down on us. I squealed jumping up and starting back towards the house. Jay reached out and grabbed my arm spinning me back around to face him.
"I thought you liked the rain," He said, pulling me even closer as he leaned in and kissed me.
I kissed him back as the rain washed over us soaking through our clothes. It was one of those moments when you expected to see fireworks. Everything slowed down and my only focus was on Jay and his lips. Fire shot through my spine. I couldn't help but think perfection was definitely better when it came at the price of imperfection.
A memory flashed into my head of a bad boy and a redhead kissing in the rain. Jay had just given me new reasons to love the eighties, to love The Breakfast Club. Jay had just given me new reason to love everything.
