Chapter 30

He didn't think about. He just leaned forward and kissed her. It was quick, but electric. He pulled back slightly and looked at her. His heart was pounding; his stomach was fluttering. He could feel all the hairs on the back of neck standing up. He realized that he was holding his breath. He tried to breathe normally, but a quiet pant was about the best he could manage. He couldn't tear his eyes away from hers. He searched her eyes deeply for her reaction.

He'd kissed her. She was totally unprepared. She'd thought about kissing him so often. She'd always imagined it would be slow, that it would have that quality time sometimes has of stretching itself out. But it was quick, startling. And it sucked all the breath out of her body. He'd pulled his face back only inches, and was staring into her eyes intently. She finally took another breath, and noticed her pulse was racing. Her stomach was churning with excitement and anticipation. She stared into his piercing blue eyes, looking for some sign as to what he was thinking.

As if by some agreement, they leaned into each other again. This time their kiss was slow and soft. Cameron closed her eyes. She couldn't possibly kiss him and look into his eyes at the same time. She wouldn't be able to continue breathing. She already felt slightly lightheaded. House, however, couldn't take his eyes off her face. He didn't want to miss a second of this.

The slow, soft kiss ended. It was replaced by a kiss more urgent, passionate. House inched closer to Cameron on the couch and reached his hands into her long, dark hair. It was the sort of hair you just wanted to lose your hands in. At least, he'd always wanted to lose his hands in it. He pulled her closer to him and their kiss deepened. Their mouths opened and they began to tease each other with their tongues, lightly at first, and then more fiercely.

Cameron reached her hand out and touched House's face, tracing the line of his jaw with her fingertips. She gloried in the feel of his stubble; she'd often longed to feel it on her body. She felt one of House's hands slide from her hair down her neck, running along her spine and settling itself at the small of her back. Cameron let her free hand drop to his thigh, and thrilled at the shiver she felt in him. She chanced to open her eyes, and saw that he had closed his.

House's eyes had slipped closed when Cameron had begun touching his face. Her touch was so soft, and delicate, it made his skin tingle. When she placed her other hand on his leg, he shivered. He could feel the heat in her hands even through his jeans. He wondered how it would feel to have his skin touch her skin without a barrier. He moved the hand that was now at the small of her back, and slipped it under her sweater. He slid his hand around her waist, and was quite certain that his fingers had caught fire.

Cameron felt House's hand reach under her sweater and slide around her waist. The contact was electrifying, and enough for her to break their kiss. She was out of breath and flushed. She pushed herself back on the couch and tried to compose herself. She trained her eyes away from his; she knew this was going to be difficult, and she wouldn't be able to resist if she let herself look at him.

"I can't," she panted. Cameron took a very deep breath, held it for a count of three, and then blew it out slowly, just like she'd been taught to do when trying to avoid fainting. "This is a bad idea right now."

House just stared at her, confusion on his face slowly being replaced by anger. He closed his eyes and also took a very deep breath. He willed himself to speak calmly.

"You've been talking to Wilson again," he said.

"No, I just think maybe this is too fast. Or too soon. Or something, I don't know," Cameron said. She was confused, and having trouble keeping her thoughts straight. She turned to look at him. His eyes seemed to melt her. She could already feel herself being pulled toward him. She stood up and stepped to the other side of the couch, hoping that maybe a little physical distance would help clear her head.

"It's been two years," House said quietly. "This is too fast? Maybe you've just changed your mind." Cameron turned to look at him, hurt. Did he really think that? Hadn't he felt what she felt?

"Did it seem like I didn't want to?" she choked. House just stared at her. "I didn't say I didn't want to. You have no idea how I want you," her cheeks flushed.

"Then what's the problem?" House asked, standing. Cameron looked almost afraid to answer. "It's the rehab. You think it's a bad idea because I'm in rehab."

"Yes," Cameron replied, almost too quiet to hear. "I think you have enough to deal with right now. Starting a new relationship is hard work, and it takes a lot of time. I don't want you focusing on me right now. I want you focusing on you. I can wait."

"Sure, because there aren't a hundred other guys waiting for you to decide I'm not worth it," House hissed at her.

"I don't want a hundred other guys," she shouted at him. "I want you."

"But only after I've finished rehab," House shouted back.

"I don't care about the rehab," she screamed at him. "I care about you. And if you don't get through the rehab because of me, do you thing we'd stand a chance?"

House dropped his eyes. He knew she was right. If something went wrong with Cameron, he'd go straight back to the pills, and then blame her for his failure. It was too similar to what had happened with Stacy. He'd shut her out when he couldn't get past his disability. Granted the disability was partly her fault, but the other part was his own stubborn inability to listen to someone else's opinion. And somehow he knew if he failed at rehab he would make it Cameron's fault too.

"I can wait," Cameron repeated.

"You shouldn't have to," House mumbled to the floor. Cameron crossed the floor and placed her hand under his chin. She forced his head up from the floor until he was looking into her eyes.

"But I will," Cameron said.