May 17th 2022

Chapter 137
Our Needs to Confess

To the untrained eye, it might have looked as though Ava was simply caught up in taking in all these things her teacher had on hand, up in her art room, for the Russell-Munroe wedding. Her teammates certainly had their own curiosities about all of it. But no, that wasn't it. Everyone else had gathered up their things and they were on their way down to head home, but Ava… She was definitely stalling. She wanted to talk. That was fine, more than fine. Maya would see to Rosemary, Nika, and Rolly's departure, just as casual as the junior girl, and then she would make her way back up.

"You know, it's not nearly as bad as it was the last time at this point of the pregnancy, but I'm definitely starting to not like stairs again…" Maya commented as she returned to the second floor.

"Why didn't you just have us meet in the kitchen or something then?" Ava replied. Maya chuckled.

"Would have been the smart idea, that's true, but… tradition, gets me every time," she breathed, motioning around, up at the sky light… This was just where the quiz team had been gathering, for years now, whenever they came by the house. "Just standing here I can remember sitting with the team, with Marianne just a baby in my arms, then growing, and growing, until she just liked to be around us most times, to listen. Then it was her and the triplets… They don't seem to enjoy it as much," she added with a smirk.

Truth be told, Lucy might have enjoyed it, maybe even Kacey, but Remy had no patience for it for some reason, and so it would pull away first her twin and then her triplet, and so they were just better off staying downstairs while the team met. It definitely cut down on how much Marianne ended up dropping in, though she still did, including today.

"You know, maybe I could see about hiring you on to do hair and makeup for the wedding," Maya suggested, nodding to her multitude of plans, sitting like an overwhelming layer across the top of her desk. Ava turned to her, showing unmasked surprise.

"Yeah?"

"Sure," Maya smiled. "When you want something done well, you pick your best players if you can, right?" Oh, Ava still struggled with taking compliments, which left her just a bit like she was feeling warmth in her face and didn't want to look at her in case it might have shown. "So, do you want us to keep dancing around whatever it is that's keeping you around or do you want to talk about it?" Now that got a small smile from her, though in this case it looked something more like her teacher was matching her base tone, and she appreciated it.

Still… Whatever this was that she had to talk about, it resided somewhere in her mind that wasn't so easy to tap into, certainly not with another person. The fact that she'd chosen her as the one she'd try it with, Maya hoped, meant that she was someone most likely, in Ava's mind, to be able to help her, someone she could be honest and open with.

"I…" she started, but that immediately sent her body into a need to move around, not to just stand still, so she started to slowly pace around, moving from the desk out toward the shelves under the old trap stairs, looping around… By the way her hands shifted, it was clear she was trying to find the words as much as she was trying to get herself to say them, but she wasn't having a whole lot of luck on either side, which was only increasing her frustration. Maya knew what Ava was like when she was frustrated, and she was not looking forward to the aftermath if her shelves were going to be caught in the crosshairs.

"There's more than one way to get a point across," she suggested. Ava looked back at her.

"I can do… words…" she insisted, which only made her roll her eyes at herself and groan. Maya's sympathy for her fellow songwriter already knew no bounds, but as her instincts started her on the path to guessing what this was about, it became focused. She stepped forward to stall her pacing, which felt less like it was helping her to think and more like an escape from having to say what was on her mind and in her heart, no matter how much she sought to unburden herself.

"Then say it," she invited her with a tip of the head, holding her gaze. You've got this. Ava looked back at her, didn't break their eye contact, only held to it like an anchor. Yes. She was Ava Nash. She was not scared of anything, was she? Oh, yes, you are, no matter how much you try and tell yourself otherwise. In that, at least, you're just like the rest of us. "Ava…"

"I think I love her…" the words slipped out, and to see the way the girl's eyes opened out, lips pressed shut… She was surprised at herself for the admission, and meanwhile Maya had to rein in her face not to smile so much at how deeply Ava looked her age just then.

"Yeah?" she quietly asked, encouraging her onward.

"I mean… I don't have any… I've never felt…" Ava spoke, the words coming slow but determined, like they'd latched on to her statement with a line and now they were climbing to freedom. "But I know," she nodded. "I'm sure, I'm…"

She didn't say it, but her hand was trembling, held over her heart, and she didn't have to say anything. It was a powerful realization for anyone to come upon, but the first time, the only time if you were fortunate… And this was Ava, who had navigated the world for a time shutting everyone out. It was only in the last two and a half years, slowly but surely, that this had started to change. And it was still a work in progress. This felt like the highest form of yielding control she'd ever encountered. So, she was scared of what it might mean, what it might turn into… or not turn into.

"I can't tell her," Ava went on, a new burst that came as though fully encouraged by the fact that she'd said as much as she had already. Her arms came to lock themselves around her middle, the one bit of control she could give herself. "It'll only make things awkward between us, or worse she'll pull away, and I don't want that. I'd rather sit with these feelings on the inside for the rest of my life."

"That would not end well either, if you ask me," Maya slowly shook her head. "Look, I agree that this has to be handled with care, but you never know what she'll say, or what she'll feel… Of all people, I'd say she'd take it well."

"Yeah, maybe, but…" Ava quietly spoke with a shrug, only to pause, blinking… thinking back. Now she looked at her teacher and was shy all over again. "You knew, didn't you?"

"Only you could have known, I… suspected," Maya admitted. "I've seen this whole dance too many times by now, even a tough shell like yours is not immune to my skills," she playfully informed her. "Ever since that day we found out about her mother being in the hospital, it's been sitting in your chest, like a restless beast. Events like that, where your person is in distress, they have a way of putting things in perspective. It's not the ideal way of figuring things out, but you don't usually get a say in the matter, not with this."

"I'm going to screw this up…" Ava shook her head to herself. Maya caught her by the shoulders, gently so, reassuringly.

"You won't, alright? Of all the things I know about you, I know that when something really matters to you, you pull through, with dedication… with your whole heart. This one's different, I realize that, so just… try and take it slow. Remember what this is about, what it means to you. Neither of us can say for sure how it'll end up, where Kelsey's going to land with all this, but at the end of the day, there's no reason to think you'll lose your friend."

Ava stood contemplating all this for a few moments in silence. When she allowed her arms to fall back down to her sides, Maya let go of her shoulders and took a step back.

"I don't think I ever said this before but… I'm sorry," Ava looked at her.

"Sorry for what?" Maya asked.

"For how I was with you in the beginning," Ava went on, with a hint of shyness in her. "I know that I had reasons, and you're one of the few people who would know them, but… I'm still sorry, Mrs. Friar."

"Apology accepted," Maya assured her. She could have said that it was unnecessary, but she could see that it was important to Ava that she said all this, so counting it as anything else but valid would only have made matters worse. "Listen, if you feel like this whole thing is going to go off the rails, you just come and see me, okay? We can have a code word or something…" she half joked, but then they both looked at each other, and Maya was pretty sure they'd both thought 'turtles,' and it made her grin.

Hoping that she'd taken the look Ava gave her as she was leaving – when they crossed paths with Lucas – the right way, Maya shared the conversation with her husband that night, as they were up with the triplets, trying to get them back to sleep. One of them had woken up crying, and the others hadn't been far behind, so now Maya had one and Lucas had two, and it was shaping up to be one of those times where it would take ages to put them back down. So, Maya shared Ava's story, and Lucas listened.

"It's really funny at this point, if you think about it, how much turtles have been involved in our lives. You and the guys, and then the kids, and Kelsey…"

"Hey, turtles are great," Lucas stated with a smile, even as he had to arch his neck to prevent getting a mouthful of Kacey's hand, which was grabbing at his face while she was hopefully falling back asleep.

"Oh, they're wonderful," Maya agreed, brushing lightly at Lucy's hair, kissing her forehead. "Bunnies, too," she whispered.

"You know, it's only a matter of time before we end up with at least one live turtle in this house," Lucas reflected, and Maya resisted the urge to snort. She didn't doubt that for a second.

"Sure, I mean, at this point, with all of us humans and dogs, why not? But let's maybe wait until it happens in its own time…"

"So, after the baby…" Lucas guessed.

"After the baby, and after said baby sleeps its nights, if we get a say in this," Maya nodded. At long last, they were able to put the girls down, and it couldn't have come at a better time, as far as they were both concerned. They regained their bed like they had been kept from it for a week, and once she could feel him slip his arm around her, Maya hummed with a smile and turned her head to kiss him. Lucas followed this one up with a couple more before they could finally settle down. In the quiet of night, her thoughts wandered.

"They'll be alright," Lucas spoke with a quiet confidence, and Maya smiled again.

"Look who's so perceptive now."

"Mostly just works with you and the girls," he countered.

"Mm, sure," she nodded. "I hope you're right… I really do…"

TO BE CONTINUED


See you tomorrow! - mooners