I'm calling you again, again, again
I'm sending you texts knock, knock, knock.
I'm waiting today as well oh, oh, oh
Spending a long night alone, no, no, no
Call anytime (every night, everyday)
Call anytime (call me)
Call anytime (every night, every day)
Call anytime (call me)
Call anytime (또또또)
Jinu
When Gen met Sai he could tell he wasn't at his best. He himself was not very adept at drinking too much because he lost his precious self-control and the symptoms of the hangover were not worth it, but on that occasion they were celebrating the birthday of his dear friend Ukyo, he simply could not say no to the drinks he gave him, at first with an innocent smile, then with a little disguised malicious gleam. From there he never managed to remember anything except waking up badly dressed and suffering a terrible headache in Ryusui's family huge mansion.
Beside him Ryusui slept naked, the sheet barely covering his most intimate parts. Gen had to run to the bathroom to make sure he didn't show any sign of having sex with the blonde on his body. He barely allowed himself to breathe of relief a few seconds before leaving, begging not to be seen by anyone and meeting young man half japanese half indian as soon as he stepped out of the room in a stroke of good or bad luck, he would never know, on the one hand, he was able to meet Ryusui's ravishingly attractive older brother, on the other, due to his conditions in that first encounter, Sai would believe for years that he was dating his younger brother.
At first glance he had everything Gen liked in a man, he was taller than him, with deep golden eyes and a certain mysterious beauty bestowed by his half-blood nature. It took him a while to compose himself from that first impression to ask for directions on how to get out of there with a nervous smile.
"This place is erriblytay huge, thank goodness you showed up to rescue me," he thanked as soon as they turned down a corridor.
"Don't worry, I've lived here since I was a child and I still sometimes discover new rooms in the house," he tried to be friendly, but the discomfort hidden in his words did not go unnoticed by Gen.
After a brief talk, he gave him impression of being a lonely person, the mentalist would dare even use the word sad. During his short life Gen learned that the cliché of rich families being absent and cold was mostly true, their children used to become like Ryusui, ambitious who sought happiness in the good of material things, sometimes in some vices. Of course, the little dragon would not be his friend if his ambition was not fair, if his desire was not motivating and, above all, if he was not so skilled.
Sai was on the other side of the coin, if he did not find happiness in all the material things of that mansion, then he must have a sensitive and simple soul, he could enjoy the little things in life or be intensely passionate about a specific one. Wanting to know more about him, Gen managed to return to the mansion repeatedly, part with Ryusui and sneak into the attic to keep the future programmer company.
Slowly he fell in love with him.
Predictions about Sai's character, as well as the nature of the Nanami, were accurate and Gen found himself wanting to help him overcome the pain they caused him, starting with his dislike for his younger brother, after all Ryusui was the only one in that family truly interested in having a fraternal relationship, not only to take advantage of Sai's abilities as it happened with the rest of the members.
After such a silent and touching reconciliation between siblings, Sai's mood seemed to improve… for a very short time. Yes, he spent more time with Ryusui, he began to get along better with his friends, even having his own initiative to meet those most related to his interests such as Senku or Chrome, he smiled and talked more, but that was with everyone except him.
At that time Gen's career as a mentalist was taking off, as well as his reputation as a superficial and opportunistic person, logically accompanied by some rejection from the general public. One of his first appearances on national television was for a variety show where they always had guests, his job was to play as a human lie detector, he and other hosts of the show would talk to a group of Korean idols while they were connected to a polygraph that he could not see, if he discovered any lie he had to say it out loud and it would be compared to the result of the machine.
He did not know the members of the group directly so it would be difficult to guess which where their usual gestures were and what the tells of their lies, so he spent three days watching videos of the group without stopping, from interviews in other similar programs, videos of their training days through the reality show where they won the opportunity to debut as a group to their music videos. In them he noticed a certain romantic tension between two of the members, it was common for boy bands to do fanservice in order to win over the female audience, play flirting with each other and that kind of thing, but theirs seemed natural, Gen could guess certain typical gestures of people in love in their interaction.
He knew that bringing out something like this would undermine his guards, if they were playing a mental battle and there were no cameras, he would surely use it to break the boy's concentration and make them vulnerable. But that would be a simple game in a variety show, it was better for the young men of a nation still quite closed to homosexuality not to force them to come out of the closet, much less between them because knowing the agencies of idols, they surely had a clause about not having relations with people of the company.
He really made an effort not to bring up he topic of sexual orientation and to steer the conversation away from it when signs of returning to it loomed. He perfectly remembered his panic when he glimpsed in the eyes of the two boys in love that something was not right between them. It was predictable after all, on tour in Japan, sharing hotel rooms, happy to fulfill a dream come true and at the same time exhausted from work, something between them was going to burst while they were connected to a polygraph and he had to stop it!
He managed to make the audience believe that one of the boys, who was failing the most in the polygraph, was actually nervous about being in front of a woman as attractive as the show host, for a few minutes he almost sang victory.
"Sumiko is really beautiful, her skin looks so shiny and smooth, she also has very deep eyes," the poor boy tried to support him in his lie, but Gen wanted the opportunity to scold him for being so vague about it.
There was no point in elaborating a lie if its components did not work.
"But Mino also has deep eyes," said the male host, insistent on discovering the romance between the bandmates.
The young man was hopeless, they were going to expose him on national television. Gen decided that if a truth was to be revealed at that moment, it would be the least damaging.
"I have deep eyes too!" The mentalist sneered. After receiving a laugh from the audience he stood up to receive as much attention as possible from both the cameras and the show participants, "However, you are right with your suspicions about Jinu-chan, he has been hiding something".
He approached him winking with his eye out of the range of the cameras, to see if that way he understood that he should play along.
"Jinu-chan," he called, sliding a hand gently down his cheek, pulling it down to lift his chin to force him to stare into his eyes.
It was the same gesture that his other bandmate always had with him when doing fanservice, that had to disturb him enough to drive the polygraph crazy.
"Do you like me?" He asked with a wide smile.
"Y-yeah," he supported the lie, surely confident that his heart was already coming out of his body and he wouldn't move the polygraph anymore.
"I am so sorry. Jinu-chan is overly handosme, but my heart already belongs to someone else."
"Ah! Gen-san! Are you dating anyone?" the female host asked excitedly, almost jumping out of her seat.
Despite everything, Gen sang victory that night, when leaving the show Jinu thanked him for saving him from revealing something more compromising, the producers congratulated him for making the program so exciting and although he received a lot of hate on social media for exposing an idol's sexuality (as if he was to blame and not the show for allowing the hosts to be so insistent about it), there was nothing like bad publicity, so their offers to appear on more shows increased.
From that day on, after a week of avoiding him, Sai left with no intention of saying goodbye.
If it had not been for the enough evidence in his room and thanks to Senku's help, Gen managed to get to the airport just before Sai's flight took off, they could barely say a few words before he longing kissed him and without further explanation part to India.
For years he believed that Sai felt something for him, but rejected his feelings by recognizing Gen as a person capable of using other people for the sake of his own interests. It took the intervention of their friends and an elaborated trap to make them realize how much they loved each other.
When Gen felt lonely, depressed or very tired he remembered the week he spent in Naoshima with Sai. From their first time together to the walks on the beach looking for the polka-dot pumpkins, quiet nights with nothing else hanging around their minds except the sound of the waves and the pleasant sensation of the sand under them, so happy to be together at last that they were barely able to believe it.
A very short week in Naoshima that felt like just five minutes, was all they could take advantage of to spend time together, after that Gen had to return to Tokyo and Sai to India. Despite the intense night they enjoyed before the flight in which neither of them slept for a single moment, more busy hugging under the sheets; both trying to find the perfect time to give themselves a physical demostration of love before saying goodbye, because there was nothing certain about when they would see each other that way again and that mere thought filled them with anxiety.
"I'm going to take much longer than normal checking the luggage to give you time alone," Chelsea announced, who seemed to believe that if she wasn't explicit enough with her comments the pair of dorks in love wouldn't understand her.
They both knew he had every reason to think so and for that it became doubly insulting.
Of course the insinuation with implicit pressure only managed to make Sai nervous, Gen smiled at that face, touched.
Shit, it took him so hard to come up with the idea of not seeing him again for a long time.
"What is the time difference between Tokyo and Mumbai?" He asked casually.
"Tokyo is three hours and thirty minutes ahead of Mumbai," he replied, looking at the big clock at the airport.
"Lucky! With that difference it won't cost us so much to have video call dates, by the time I get home from work you will just be thinking about going to sleep. At least that will be regularly, because when I record shows it is usually in the morning."
"Yeah," Sai replied a little more relaxed.
"We're going to have a lot of fun," Gen whispered, getting closer to his boyfriend so nobody else would listen to him, drawing a mischievous smile. "I promise to give you good shows by video call, so we won't miss each other so much."
"Huh!?" He jumped away, his face red and his pupils quivering, not knowing exactly where to look.
Gen took two steps forward, wapped his arms around his torso and leaned his head against his shoulder, listening from there to the beating of his startled heart slowly calming down.
"I'll miss you," his voice was barely audible and Gen wanted to laugh at himself, he could talk without an iota of shyness about video call sex but he was terribly ashamed to admit how much he was going to miss Sai and their relationship barely a week old.
He comforted himself thinking it was so hard for him to let go because he had been waiting to be reciprocated for years.
"I'll miss you too."
He didn't need his skills to know that he was sincere, Sai Nanami was always sincere. Even if he did not express his thoughts directly his body did it for him and at that moment, his calm voice, the way he reciprocated the hug holding him against himself, the compressed beats of his heart; all of him screamed at Gen how much he was going to miss him.
"Call me when you miss me, it doesn't matter if it's Monday at five in the morning in Mumbai, or if you know I'm going to live in five minutes on national television, I'll answer you even if I'm practicing a magic trick and I have Kirisame-chan in a box cut in half."
"I will," Sai muttered gratefully, his lips smiling against his white hair.
They stepped far enough away so they could give each other a short kiss, as the programmer replied hastily.
"You too, please have the confidence to call me. There's nothing in my life that cannot be interrupted for at least five minutes."
Gen smiled at him and grabbed his face kissing him affectionately. If they weren't in such a crowded place he would have loved to be able to hug him with all his strength and kiss his cheeks several times, remove the messy hair from his forehead, get lost on his lips.
But they had enough time to say goodbye beforehand. That day Sai boarded the plane to India and as soon as it took off Gen felt as if he already missed him, as if it were months since his departure and no less than an hour.
What worried him the most was knowing the real reason why he was like this, why it would be so difficult for him to be separated from Sai.
Because he wouldn't know when I was going to come back.
It could be months, maybe years. Everything depended on the opportunities he could get in India and that made Gen very nervous, Sai was a damn genius, he had offers to do postgraduate degrees at the best universities in India, as well as job offers there.
Not that they couldn't be enhanced by the opportunities available to Sai in Japan, right?
"Gen?" Byakuya Ishigami's voice brought him to reality as if it were an alarm clock with very loud and high-pitched sounds.
In sort kind of way it was, Gen was still in that strange moment of the morning between staying asleep and waking up, but he had the decency to sit up straight in the astronaut's living room and clear his throat discreetly before answering him.
"Good morning, Byakuya-chan," he greeted politely despite his usual way of calling people regardless of their age.
"Good morning. You made me believe you were asleep with your eyes open," Byakuya sneered, walking to the kitchen barely separated from the living room by the bar.
"It's hard to wake up from this comfortable sofa, I just stayed in the nicest place under the heating," Gen lied stretching his back, because the father of one of his closest friends couldn't know that he already had an hour trying to wake up and had completely lost himself in his melancholy. The small plastic Christmas tree on the table in the living room caused a tightness in his chest, those dates only contributed to worsen the feelings of loneliness, the need for love and longing.
With the daily life of a friend who had spent a lot of mornings there, Gen accompanied the man at the kitchen who beat eggs in a bowl.
"Tamagoyaki for breakfast?" he spoke loudly, as if he had just discovered a pattern.
"Have you noticed that we always do this when you stay to sleep? You do it better than we, fluffy and round" Byakuya apologized with a guilty smile.
Gen limited his desire to laugh to a funny smile, bending down to find a square pan in the drawers, somehow the very rare group of friends of his had become a family that used to gather around the cozy apartment of the Ishigami, that's where they were going to plan each new crazy plan of Senku, their meeting point before going to different parts of the city, where he spent many hours helping scientists assemble pieces with his magic-trained fingers. Byakuya didn't even ask him to help with the breakfast, it was implicit, as much as he was free to settle there one night if he had to go between recordings or shows.
"I'm sorry I didn't greet you last night, we arrived after midnight and you were already asleep," Gen explained, turning on the stove.
"Don't worry, when you reach a certain age you fall asleep if you are comfortable, even if it is nine o'clock at night."
"What do you say? If Byakuya-chan still looks very young," he complimented with a half-smile. "Anyone needs to sleep if they must get up at six in the morning to talk to a special someone in Los Angeles during their only free hour to lunch."
"Did you hear me?!" he asked embarrassed.
"I read your mind," it was his turn to mock.
As with Senku, Byakuya's personality, gestures and habits have made it very easy to guess what was going through his mind. Gen liked to be surrounded by people like them, growing up between fake smiles and gestures that masked dark intentions made his precious mentalism develop, but it was also the reason why he hated so having to interact with those kinds of people. The exaggeratedly sincere ones were much better.
He always enjoyed how transparent Sai was, not a single part of his body was able to hide anything, when a video game made him really happy he hunched over the screen where he was playing it as if he wanted to enter in it, his eyes shone and he reacted to the situation without realizing it, if he should concentrate his eyebrows remained straight or if it was something pleasant he smiled without more.
Just a simple, bright smile.
"It must be difficult to be away from Lillian at this holidays," he muttered more attentively to the little tree on the table than to roll the egg in the pan.
"Well, as a Japanese I didn't grow up with Christmas being such an important part for me," said the man setting the rice cooker. "I understand that she is busy with the concerts of this dates, have you heard her Christmas song?"
"Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need? Won't you please bring my baby to me? " Gen sang pretty well to be playing. "It's a classic, I lived in the United States for a while and the day after Thanksgiving that song plays begans to play everywhere."
"Isn't it very good? Sometimes I also hear her in the background in the department stores here" Byakuya crooned proudly of his girlfriend. "Once the season is over, she will come to take a vacation with Kokuyo and the girls."
Byakuya and he were not in very different situations, both were very well established in Japan, in stable relationships with people who could decide to take advantage of opportunities in the other part of the world where they were or venture to start in the country where a love relationship and his family awaited them.
"Do you already have a great gesture of affection ready to make up the fact that you didn't spend Christmas together? Diamonds are women's best friends according to Americans."
"Well, I can't propose to her until I know what she wants to do with in the future, maybe she'll realize that her career is more important than coming to marry a poor Japanese teacher."
"The sexiest Japanese teacher ever," Gen winked.
"Is that why you stay here so often?"
"Of course, I have this complicated seduction plan where I come to conquer you with my tamagoyaki while I wear my pillow head," to support his point he placed the rather fluffy egg roll on a cutting board, showing off his cooking skills.
Byakuya took the portion of one of the corners, the ones that were more misshapen and tasted it, making a satisfied gesture.
"With this tamagoyaki anyone would fall at your feet," he complimented by shaking his shoulders happily.
Maybe one day he could cook it for Sai in the same domestica routine as he did for his friend and father. Thinking about it caused a pleasant warmth in his chest.
"Could you tell Senku to come for breakfast while I serve the dishes? Do you want tea or coffee?"
"Tea, please," he asked, wiping his hands.
On the way to the corridor Gen reproached himself for comparing his situation with that of Byakuya and Lillian, she was a talented millionaire singer, as well known in Japan as in America, in addition, her only family was in Japan, she would be happy in the land of the rising Sun with her half-brother and her precious nieces no matter if something went wrong in her relationship with Byakuya.
Sai had Ryusui, Tsukasa and Mirai. But japan was where the presence of the Nanami family dominated the most, from whom he continued to try to flee; nor did he have anything material to lean on. Maybe it wasn't worth the risk of coming back if their relationship ended at some point.
In front of Senku's dorm room, Gen shook off the pessimistic thoughts, could not keep thinking about the matter, could not continue to get depressed like this or would diminish his ability as a mentalist.
"Senku-chan!" He knocked at the door recomposing his cheerful tone "Are you awake? Are you busy?"
"Go ahead," allowed the scientist's voice.
"I just come to take the sodium hydroxide and let you know that the breakfast is ready," he crooned, going straight to the shelves full of perfectly ordered chemicals.
"Gen?"
The deep serene voice of the guilty of his circling thoughts stopped his heart for an instant.
"Sai-chan?" He named slowly, as if he feared he had hallucinated him.
But no, on Senku's computer screen, among a handful of open tabs was Sai on video call from his bedroom in Mumbai. That wasn't strange, the two of them were so close-minded that the programmer talked much more to Senku compared to Ryusui. Gen's attention went to his pronounced dark circles, barely darker in contrast to his skin tone.
Perhaps the mentalist himself was in a similar situation, he immediately put a hand to his messy hair, trying in vain to put it in place.
"How eanmay Senku-chan, you could tell me that you were talking to such a handsome guy to avoid showing me my newly awakened face."
And fucked up, there was a substantial difference between the mornings shared with Sai, in the middle of hugs and kisses, just awakened from the pleasant dream of sleeping with his loved one against his current precarious situation.
At least Sai's shy smile was enough to brighten his day.
"As if I was going to cut off the call with your boyfriend because you spent the night here, that could lead to misunderstandings," Senku stated simply.
It had already become clear that their friends believed them to be idiots. They were, but it hurt in pride how explicit they were about it.
"No one is jealous of their partners over you, Senku," Sai commented innocently to reassure him. Everyone knew that the true and only love of the walking leek was science.
"Then you might be suspicious of my father, he also has a long-distance relationship, he is just as in need of physical contact as Gen."
"As if my company could be half as pleasant as diva Lillian Weinberg's," he admitted, shrugging his shoulders and with an evil smile pressed his throat with two fingers. "Senku, you should not be mean to your friends and father, long distance relationships are very complicated."
For a moment it was if the singer was there with them, threatening on the scientist who spat out the barely drunk water, while Sai looked amazed.
"What a good imitation!"
"It is," Senku admitted, wiping his mouth with his shirt sleeve. "Although it is noticeable that it is the voice of a boy."
"It's good enough to annoy you," he smiled at him, putting his hand on his throat again. "When you're done with your nice friend come for breakfast, son, I know you like my tamagoyaki."
"Okay, okay, I got it." Stop doing that.
By the time Gen turned to say goodbye to Sai, he could notice something different in him. His smile a little sadder.
"You're better than Lillian to me," he said with such overwhelming sincerity that it made Gen's heart race.
"I let you guys work," he dismiss without being able nor wanting to erase the embarrassed smirk from his face. "Don't be too late Sai-chan, and call me whenever you want."
In the hallway Gen took a moment to take a deep breath, feeling silly for being so happy to receive a compliment from her boyfriend. Either way he allowed himself to enjoy that warm feeling that Sai's love left him and helped him to have a good day.
Too bad that happiness would end so soon.
Just the next day, while returning to his apartment after a show, Gen received a call from Sai, as soon he saw that it was him in the video call notification threw all his equipment to the sofa and lay on the bed.
"Sai-chan!" he greeted with a smile from ear to ear.
"Oh, have you just arrived? I can call you in a bit" he still had dark circles under his eyes but at least he felt calmer.
"No, no, that's okay. Even as soon as I arrived I was going to throw myself into bed, it is very tired to walk through the streets so crowded with people going out to buy for the holidays."
"Tokyo must look very beautiful these days of the year," he remembered wistfully for the city where he grew up quite new to him.
"Isn't it the same there?"
"In some parts they decorate and illuminate, but it's so hot that it's hard to feel the Christmas spirit."
"The concept of Christmas just doesn't fit with tropical climates, right?"
"Artificial pines and the plastic snowmen don't help much either," he chuckled.
"Maybe you could decorate a tree of those found naturally in India, so it would feel more like a mixed celebration."
"I think we could put a Santa hat on the cat that haunts the bedrooms," he smiled looking out the window, as if said little animal was walking there. "I will send you the photos."
"Speaking of photos," Gen took the cell phone next to his bed and looked for a photo on it, it was no longer surprising to see that fraudulent magician taking phones or tablets out of nowhere, he had almost as many as Senku, for very different purposes and at the same time very similar. "Today I did a couple of shows for different groups of children, apparently I became a bit popular with parents for doing science tricks when the audience is so young, you know, like changing the color of the by shaking it."
"How do you do that?" Sai asked with wide eyes.
"It is a mixture of glucose and sodium hydroxide, for Senku-chan it is a cheap trick, but he does not understand the importance of staging and the beauty in the simplicity of the trick, so any child can investigate it, replicate it and be interested in science."
Looking for his cell phone, Gen did not notice Sai's compressed gesture.
"In the audience two girls had these bracelets and the seemed perfect as Christmas gifts for Mirai-chan and Suika-chan."
He sent by chat the photograph of two little arms modeling a pair of transparent pearl bracelets with iridescent shine, one of them had a small silver heart pendant and the other a white cloud.
"Aren't they cute? I think I could pick one with something related to mermaids for Mirai-chan and another with something scientific for Suika-chan to give them at the meeting an Kokuyo-chan's house on Thursday."
"They're perfect, I wonder if they will overshadow my gift. I'm not sure to understand little girls very well."
"That's impossible, your best friend is a little girl."
"Who?" Sai asked, although he immediately understood Gen was referring to Chelsea, "She's an adult!"
"So am I wrong?" Asked the mentalist feigning innocence with a finger on his lips "I thought you would have chosen a gift for the girls based on something that particularly caught Chelsea-chan's attention, or something she remembered fondly."
In response, Sai reddened up to his ears and Gen allowed himself to laugh a little. He obviously was right.
"Mirai-chan will be happy with whatever her older brother gives her," he explained in a kind tone of voice. "She asks a lot about you when I see her."
Sai's blush gradually disappeared, yielding to a contemplative expression, as if something related to his new brothers had to do with that occupying his thoughts. Gen quickly reviewed in his mind the last time he saw them: he met Tsukasa a week ago in a recording studio where he was going to do a commercial, calm despite his usual hidden contempt for that kind of thing; Mirai was the same happy girl as always, she was excited to know with whom he would do his next live show and Ryusui was the same old Ryusui.
"Sometimes we talk," Sai explained, just then the rictus of concern was pronounced in his eyebrows, barely a tick. "Children grow up very fast, soon Mirai will be engaging on teenage interests."
"No, no, no, I can't even imagine what it will be like for her older brothers when she begins to be interested in boys or have platonic love affairs, I hope you are able to understand that first love clouds the minds of teenagers, we all go through that."
"I'm not sure," Sai said, his mind visibly drifting in his memories.
"Come on, Sai-chan, you must have a first love, the one who made you understand yourself a little better and to your tastes, your romantic or even sexual awakening," he implied with a certain coquettishness.
"Ehrm… I… well…" Sai began to stutter, embarrassed.
"It's easy to tell when you're lying! Tell me the truth!" he scoffed.
"I was in love… with Grahim… of the Legend of Zelda."
It took Gen a second to Google the character, a quirky-looking villain type with a confident smile and white hair in an uneven cut, scarily resembling his signature hair style. He didn't know how to recognize in his own feelings if he felt flattered or embarrassed, maybe both were mixed tightly in his mind.
"Sai-chan, you really have a type."
Actually, since he knew his boyfriend, with his strong and lasting feelings, Gen could bet that he should still have photos of said character on his cell phone, he could surely program that character in any video game.
Sai was so smart.
Seeing him dying of shame, his face covered in his hands flooded Gen's chest with love for him.
" "I also have a type, when I was on middle school I fell madly in love with Hyde; he is the singer of a band but with that face he could easily be an idol," he talked with melancholy, saying the exact name to give Sai the opportunity to search for him as he did. "His songs made me think he was a very gentle person; now I know how much I love that in a person."
He smiled sweetly, thinking of the unusual resemblance of an emotional Japanese singer with long curly hair and an angel face to his beautiful, kind hearted and half-blood programmer.
However, Sai did not discover his face, he stayed that way. Still, immersed in his thoughts. Fearing to discover himself and leave his soul naked through his gestures.
Gen felt it and a twinge of guilt pierced him as he understood perfectly. Sai was trying to hide from him, from the mentalism he swore never to use in him. Why? Could something in that casual conversation have affected him so much? What was he trying to hide so desperately?
"Sai-chan," he called cautiously. "You seem to have a lot on mind right now, you know that you can talk to me about anything, if I can't help you at least I will listen to you."
Finally the programmer uncovered his face, his eyebrows straight in a gesture that was clearly trying to hide something with all his strength, even so his stiff shoulders showed his restlessness and the mentalist wanted to stop reading it through his gestures so that he could hear it from his
"I really wish to not think about it," he finally admitted that there was a problem.
Asagiri sighed mentally, at least he could try to help him forget it. Starting with a topic that always made him happy:
"We can talk about anything," he pretended in a sweet voice. "Last week you were very happy to help with the bug fixes for that open world game, tell me how that goes."
That comment terribly worsened Sai's mental state, he was not even able to pretend, the unmistakable worry in each of his gestures, how he bit his lip, his gaze focused on no specific point, the way he stirred his hair. A heaviness throughout his body for which Gen was not even remotely prepared, nor did he understand it, video games were always the calm sea where the eldest of the Nanami immersed himself when he was worried or depressed. Talking to Gen usually helped him a lot as well.
What had changed at that time?
"I'm sorry," Sai said in a dry voice. "I think I need to rest, we are in final evaluations and it have been hard days. You should rest too, you'll be on Amaryllis's evening show tomorrow, right?"
"Yes," he said, feeling her conciliatory half smile extremely artificial. "Have sweet dreams, Sai-chan."
"Sure." Like him, Sai also tried to give him one last smile, his own much more forced and worried. "I will be supporting you during the show."
"I didn't know you liked watching idols be exposed by my mentalism, I'll make the show especially fun tomorrow then," he sang more animatedly, he imagined that Sai watched his shows, but not all of them and especially not that one. "And Sai-chan, if you need to talk call me."
He repeated it constantly, but the Nanami was a stubborn who preferred to suffer his problems in silence than to say something.
"See you."
"Good night."
At the end of the call the feeling of emptiness in the apartment was clung to Gen like an unpleasant weight. In retrospect, it made sense that the problems in their relationship had to do with a lack of communication. That was the reason why it took them so long to declare their feelings despite being madly in love with each other and not being at all subtle about it.
It was ironic, considering his profession as a mentalist. At the end of the day they were actually that pair of fools their friends believed.
Appearing on Amaryllis' late-night show was a pretty straightforward and fun job, she, as charismatic and beautiful as she was, handled the live show time with atonishing mastery. Every week she a special guest, interviewed them and then went on to different games or sketches, Gen had a fairly short appearance, dedicated more than anything to showing videos and explaining how through his body language, he had discovered some secret of the guest in turn. Nothing very intimate or potentially dangerous for their careers, that lesson was very well learned.
He felt some familiarity upon meeting who would be the guest on that week's show, Jinu, the idol to whom he had left his sexuality exposed a couple of years ago. Fresh out of mandatory military service and ready to do solo promotion while his bandmates were still enlisted, his stylists went to great lengths to make him look like a shy boy in keeping with his single, with clothes that seemed to be taken in a hurry but giving a certain angelic image, the simple makeup and the worst, the curly black hair almost messy.
Gen took a long breath, he needed to get Sai out of his mind or he wouldn't get his job done right.
"Gen Asagiri?" The young man called when he noticed him entering to the dressing room.
"Good afternoon," he greeted, bowing slightly. "It's good to see you remember me, Jinu-chan."
"How to forget you?" He teased with half a smile "Are you coming to say hello or warn me of whatever you have prepared for today's show?"
"I learned that lesson perfectly, there is nothing compromising about today's program," he agreed with a sly gesture. "The usual amount of humiliation on a Japanese variety show."
"Be nice to me," he said, bowing his head, the innocent gesture not matching the double meaning imprinted in his words.
At a time like that Gen did not feel in the mood to play pretend and pretended, he had six months without seeing his boyfriend who was having a hard time and he also tried to find out what it was.
"I came to ask you for a favor taking advantage of my access to the backstage, you see, I know a couple of girls in love with you and as soon as they heard that we would be on the same show today they asked me for these signed ones," he extracted from the pocket of his black suit a couple of photocards of the idol in front of him. "Would you help me score points with the girls? You never know when you'll need their help to make you look more attractive to their older sisters."
"You don't fool me with that," he said, giving him a superb look. "You want something from their older brothers."
"I may also be interested in their fathers, men over thirty have a certain charm difficult to find in young people our age" while the idol signed the cards, he searched on his cell phone for a note. "This is how their names are written in Japanese, our beloved Mirai-chan and Suika-chan."
Our.
"Our?"
Damn.
"They're more yours than mine, they don't stop listening to your new song," he quickly defended himself.
The singer looked at him carefully, as if he was trying hard to guess what was going through his head, what a rookie. Still he was not the first and surely would not be the last to try to read his thoughts, perks of the trade.
After signing the cards and giving him an inquisitive look from the corner of his eye, he handed them to him holding them for longer than necessary.
"I don't know anything about mentalism, but I can recognize when someone's head is spinning around the person he's in love with."
"Personal experience?"
It was not his intention to be abrasive, probably his tone of voice was more resentful than accusatory, but he did not like the direction of the conversation nor was he interested in where the idol wanted to go.
"Yes, it is from personal experience," he confessed, the melancholy in his gesture denoted was something that was difficult for him to overcome. Looking down the hall he saw one of the staff members on their way to notify him of his turn to enter the scene. "You are too good to be depressed about the wrong person."
The even more aggressive response "I know how to choose who is the right person for me" died in his throat as the singer left to start the show.
Also, that would be admitting that he was depressed and he wasn't.
He wasn't.
Missing their lover at that time of year was the most normal thing in that world where they lived.
He went to the production control room as was his custom, there he could see the rhythm of the interview with which Amaryllis opened the show, what was the general theme during it and analyze his gestures to take them into account during his appearance. It was the usual job, he was used to it and still couldn't help but concentrate too much on the innocent boy looking of the idol.
That damned melancholy that made her stomach knot when she saw him run her fingers nonchalantly through the ebon curls on his head, his sincere smile, his happiness as spoke of his new song.
Sai.
The Sai who used to try unsuccessfully to straighten his hair so as not to interrupt his concentration of a kilometer-long row of programming data, the same one who had a sincere silly smile after being kissed, who got so excited about the technology news that he was sure One day he would tear his clothes off with excitement like old Kaseki used to.
It's only been six months.
He rebuked himself, trying to convince that it was ridiculous to feel this way with so little time apart when it could be much longer before he saw each other again, as if that was the reason for his sadness.
Deep down, deep down inside, where the most rational part of being a mentalist was, Gen knew that, with the trust created between them after what happened in Naoshima, Sai would only hide his problems from him when they affected their relationship or him. Especially the latter because the programmer wanted to take care of his heart above all things, he had already made it very clear.
What could do the always well-meaning Sai that could hurt him?
"Gen, it's your turn," one of the women in the booth warned, more attentive to him than to the commercial break projected on the screens.
"Sure, I'm going," he announced singly, feeling slightly uncomfortable for not feeling half an hour of show pass in front of his eyes without him catching anything at all.
As if he were a weather presenter, Gen had his space away from the sofas where his beloved collaborator interviewed the guests, it was just a purple curtain with a few silver little stars decorating it and next to it, a screen where he projected the selected videos.
Once he settled there he raised a hand to greet Amaryllis who was drinking water and chatting casually with the guest idol.
"It's a pleasure to see you again, Amaryllis-chan, Jinu-chan."
"I'm so excited to be the one to have you together on a show after so long," the young woman exclaimed genuinely happily. "Please, let's be nice to each other."
"I am always nice," Gen defended himself with false innocence.
"I'm going to be nice," Jinu declared, making Amaryllis giggle.
A rather loud and long laugh, as if completing a joke between the two and Gen couldn't help but wonder if he was alluding to something said during the interview. Maybe he should have paid more attention.
"It will be a great show!"
Gen would see to it that it was, after all, he promised to his silly boyfriend in India.
"Attentive!" Called the floor producer, making indications to everyone to put himself in his place. "We go on the air in five, four, three, two."
"Welcome back to Late Night with Flowers," Amaryllis greeted the camera, "where it's time to hand over cameras and microphones to our favorite mentalist, Gen Asagiri."
"Good evening dear viewers!" The black nightshade greeted with his wide smile. "Tonight's guest is famous for his incredible looks, his face is a bomb even when photographed at the worst angles and Jinu-chan knows it, that's why he is never embarrassed no matter how much flattery or how close the cameramen are to his face. So what does it take to embarrass Jinu-chan? Let's see…"
On the screen next to him was projected a collection of short videos of reality shows and interviews like that where for brief moments the idol got confused or lost and people, moved by the tenderness he caused them, helped him; concentrating above all on his nervous gesture of surprise and the brief blush on his face. It was something easy to discover, with attention even the clueless as Senku or Kohaku could have achieved it, however, due to the funny tone of the program Gen did not reveal his true discoveries of murky secrets of the idols.
Those things that even in their thoughts they were ashamed to admit were material for blackmail or to bring them down in a mental battle.
Once the compilation was finished, the cameras focused again on Gen who smiled in the direction of the idol.
"We can see that Jinu-chan is embarrassed right now, his lips pursed, his eyebrows raised and if I continued he might start to blush," he explained with his very well know evil smile.
"That's very mean! Anyone ashamed if you expose them as a fool!" the young man reneged, waving air to his face in a vain attempt to cool it down.
"But if you are really cute being embarrassed!" Amaryllis said sympathetically. "Although I understand you very well, when I'm around a very handsome man I can't help but blush a lot."
That was a tremendous lie, she was embarrassed when someone did not give in to her stunning beauty, the rest were tricks perfected for a long time to pretend excited by the man (or woman) she wanted to get something from. Gen had a great level of appreciation for that technique, not every girl was as self-aware as the precious Amaryllis.
"We all noticed it during the last segment."
The idol sneered and Amaryllis continued to laugh a little, covering her mouth with one hand in a careful act of innocent girl. Gen understood that they had already touched on that topic before going on stage and felt a bit of an idiot for not paying attention to their conversation while off camera.
"But I would like to know what embarrasses Gen," Jinu continued.
"I would be disqualified as a mentalist if I couldn't hide those kinds of emotions," he said simply, outlining a mysterious smile.
"Let's put it to the test," he said, and went to stand in front of Gen, looking him straight in the eye.
It was so obvious, the typical plan of looking him straight in the eye with overwhelming self-confidence to make him blush, in a quick glance at Amaryllis noticed in her body language that it would be better if he simply gave in to the hint of being attracted to him. In another situation he would surely have followed the game for the sake of the show, but at the time he didn't want to give the idol the feeling of having more power over him than he actually had, not after the exchange of words in the dressing room.
«You are too good to be depressed about the wrong person».
And was he supposed to be the right person? How could he be better than Sai?
Sai who kept secret for years his feelings for him out of respect for his younger brother and only confessed once he thought Ryusui was cheating him, who believed in an uprightness that even he was not sure he possessed, who when it touched him did it as if he were the most special being in the world.
The Sai who might never return to Japan.
"We have something pending," the idol's voice returned him to the reality that he was los from for a few seconds, to the live show where they were. "And this time I'm not going to lose."
Jinu stepped forward, standing between Gen and the camera, also engrossed in his own thoughts to the point of forgetting where he was. He gently took his face so concentrated on the mentalist's lips did not see him awaken from his stupor or look at him terrified by the kiss to come.
As always, Gen carried a bunch of gadgets up his sleeve, cards, handkerchiefs and so many other things that one would never know when he might need but always came in handy when it came to impressing people. It was not difficult for him to slip a card between his fingers and interpose it between them, but the aching heart of him crying out for a moment of compassion caused him to plant a firm hand against the boy's chest in front of him, surprising them both at such a submissive gesture.
«Please» he asked with his lips, without the words coming out of his mouth.
Empathic to his vulnerability, Jinu nodded very slightly, imperceptible to the cameras. With so much sorrow in his eyes that Gen understood he would no longer try to make another move with him.
His next problem was how to react properly, on screen every second was important, he had to do something immediately, especially because with the focus of the camera, the inclination of the idol's face sure made viewers believe that there was indeed a kiss between them.
Will Sai believe it too?
"Kya! That was very close!"
Blessed be Amaryllis! Blessed be her ability to read the atmosphere and her gentleness! If she wasn't his friend and therefore knew about his relationship, she would surely have used that moment to brag that there was a kiss like like that live in her show.
Responding to that speed Gen took a card from his sleeve and placed it in front of his lips before moving to look at the camera, implying that he put the card between them to interrupt the kiss.
"I was about to get carried away, Jinu-chan's face should not be taken lightly," he gasped outrageously and turned to the boy in question. "Do we take this as a draw?"
"No, I lost," admitted the idol with a smile unable to hide his guilt.
Certainly, that night they both lost.
Missed call at 12:28
You watched the live stream, right?
Please let me explain
Gen was firmly convinced that there was no such thing as bad publicity, at least in his case, the more they talked about him the better his job offers were. He should be happy to be invited to the New Year's Eve special of a big TV station, he was actually a little happy to be trending on twitter from Japan and Korea, but the bad publicity was about to hit him in the face (he hoped not literally), right now.
In front of the door of Lillian's family adorable little house, the photocards and gifts hidden in his coat weighed more than they really were, almost as much as the three missed calls to Sai.
He had a great part of guilt for not paying any attention to the conversation, Amaryllis guided the theme on the new song by Jinu that talked about calling a person with whom one do not have a relationship, but waits they answer the calls (what an irony!) and somehow the idol implied that person were real.
"I don't know him well, but I know there might be something between us despite the distance," he told to an excited Amaryllis.
After the "kiss" the social media did not stop speculating about a possible relationship between the two or whether it was just an publicity move and although it was a bit of both, he could not know how the people around him had taken it. He was ready to receive Kohaku's accusing stares and Ruri's pity, but the one who really worried him was Mirai.
She was developing her personality, so it was impossible for him to say if she believed in his act and would have sympathy for the misunderstanding, if she did not believe him and was furious about cheating to her brother-in-law or if she did not believe him and was doubly furious about the infidelity in addition to the kiss to her first platonic love. He had one of three chances to continue on good terms with her, he would like to rely on his good luck if it weren't for the girl being raised with Tsukasa and Ryusui, by no means she would be a naïve girl.
He knocked on the door expecting to be attender by anyone but Kohaku. In a good stroke of luck Chrome opened, who didn't even bother to disguise his surprise.
"You can still escape, I won't tell anyone that it was you."
That just put his nerves on edge.
"I can't escape forever," he shrugged. "In a situation like this it would be worse if I let things cool down."
"If you say so," Chrome stepped aside to let him in. "Ruri can stop Kohaku if she has to, but no one in the earth will be able to stop Tsukasa from leaving you toothless if he is convinced to do so."
It is not as if his younger sister or husband were going to put their hands in, maybe it was even they who asked him.
From the entrance he could hear the pleasant conversations, some soft laughs and the sound of a silly Christmas movie in the background, throughout the house one could feel that homely festive air so unusual in Japan, the lights, the poinsettias, a mistletoe at the entrance to the room, the smell of punch and fried chicken because well, it was still Japan. It was a real pity that as soon as Gen peeked through the entrance the air froze, the party practically stopped, and he would have laughed at the irony of becoming the black sheep of his family by choice if it were not for the Mirai's cold gaze freezing his blood.
"Hey! It's Gen" Byakuya smiled sympathetically at his distress.
The greeting seemed to wake up the rest of those present, contrary to his father, Senku seemed to be enjoying the situation very much, Kohaku next to him let out a mockery looking at Tsukasa, who was actually quite calm sitting with Mirai and Suika in front of the small table in the living room.
"Hi," Suika said, too polite to ignore him but limiting her excitement at seeing to the apprehension of her best friend.
"Welcome Gen," Ruri politely replied by going to him, surely to receive his coat, but his rigid posture and the way she measured the distance between Gen and Kohaku made it look like an attempt to get in the way of a possible assault from his younger sister. "Do you want me to put your coat away?"
"Thank you very much, Ruri-chan. Just let me look for the girls' gifts," he spoke aloud, hoping that the thought of receiving a present would gradually soften little Shishio's heart; he made to search for the boxes in his inner pockets. "Huh? Don't I have them with me? I could swear I took them before I left home."
"Maybe you dropped them on the way," naively answered the sweet watermelon.
"Oh, no, that would be erribletay, they were very delicate and festive, their wrappers were bright red, just like those poinsettias," he pointed to the pot of flowers on the living room table. "Maybe I dropped them here."
"That's not possible, you haven't been near the table all ," Suika said more and more involved in the act.
"I could swear I did" interpreting total conviction he approached to rummage in the flowerpot, kneeling to be at the height of the girls and in an elegant movement he made the two red boxes appear with golden ribbon appear. "I knew, they were here."
That said, he handed them to the girls, unable to contain herself a bit Suika took hers thanking effusively. Mirai seemed to hesitate a little, but she was too polite to leave Gen with his arm outstretched, she took her gift noticing that between the box and the ribbon was the photocard that she asked the mentalist to get signed, where her favorite idol, Jinu, looked stunningly dressed in a red jacket.
That finally broke her.
She squeezed the little box between his hands trying to hold back her tears in vain, as it emanated swiftly through her cheeks.
«No.»
«Shit, shit, shit.»
The betrayal in the little girl's eyes was absolutely unmistakable. The worst possible scenario for Gen, so bad that he didn't even allow himself to consider it: That Mirai Shishio believed there was a kiss between the two, with the heart broken for being her first platonic love and furious at him for being unfaithful to Sai. He prayed that she didn't have the same superhuman strength as her older brother, otherwise he was doomed.
Without giving him time to try to tell her anything, the blonde stood up and glared at him so furiously that Gen simply shut his mouth for his own sake.
"How could you do this to us?"
She said before fleeing from there, probably to hide where she could cry at ease.
"Mirai? Mirai!" Suika called running after her friend.
Now he had messed it up big, he was screwed in many different ways and didn't dare to look at any of those present until Senku passed him in his way to the kitchen, from the slight jolt of his shoulders when walking he seemed to be holding back from laughing. That miserable was having a great time with his misfortune.
He plucked up the courage to look at Tsukasa ready to beg for mercy or at least let him enjoy a last meal, however the fighter's beautiful face was pale, almost blue with straight lips and the gaze fixed in the direction where his sister had escaped.
So, he did not know how intense the girl's love for her favorite idol was, that must have been a tough revelation for the strongest man in the world. Mirai was growing up.
Gen was already putting together an escape plan when Ryusui appeared down the hall where everyone was watching, clearly uncomfortable.
"Gen, can we talk?" He called.
Perfect, the first stroke of luck for Gen in days, Ryusui was the best of Sai's three brothers to face, not as rational as Tsukasa and stronger than Mirai, but at least the mentalist knew how to lead a conversation with him.
Furthermore, the youngest Nanami loved his brother so much that Gen would accept any amend coming from him.
They went out to the backyard where a beautiful garden always cared by Ruri and Suika looked particularly romantic with the decorative Christmas lights. Gen internally cursed the holidays for creating those atmospheres that should be festive and ended up reminding him how much he missed a fool in another country precisely because he wanted to be able to see those scenarios with him, enjoying the lights, holding hands in a vain attempt to warm them up before the imminent arrival of the snow. No, instead he was in that overly romantic place waiting for an awkward conversation with his brother-in-law.
"This morning Sai called us to ask if Mirai's Christmas presents arrived safely," Ryusui began, straight to the point as always when dealing with something serious. "He looked awful."
"I knew it," he murmured. "He hasn't answered my calls, he won't let me talk to him and explain."
Ryusui shoved his hands into his coat pockets and looked at the red clouds that foreshadowed the snowfall.
"I don't think you have much to explain. It's clear to me that you didn't kiss the idol, but you wanted to."
Of course, Ryusui was the expert on the desire theme.
"When Mirai was still in a coma Tsukasa used to look at Suika with melancholy, as if he could see his younger sister in that happy girl, he wished with all his strength to see Mirai like this," Ryusui recalled. "Last night you also saw Sai on the singer in front of you."
Gen's heart shrank in his chest, he wasn't used to Ryusui being rational or anyone having right about his emotions. He hated the feeling of being exposed as much as he hated the pain of acknowledging those words; he would have preferred a punch in the face.
"Sai didn't want to talk about you, but I'm sure he didn't look so bad from a simple TV kiss, he knows your job very well to take it seriously, even if he felt the chemistry between you and misinterpreted it."
Gen pursued his lips looking at the well cared flowers in the garden, Ruri had some beautiful amaryllis.
"As expected of Ryusui-chan, you know people's hearts very well," he admitted.
"That's why I can't help but think that you're hurting yourselves again because of a misunderstanding, Sai must be thinking about a problem when he could talk about it with you and you're afraid to acknowledge that problem despite having the ability to do so."
"You must see us as a couple of idiots."
"Sai is your weakness, I enjoy possessing that knowledge. On the other hand, you make him someone better."
«...and I appreciate that.»
He didn't use his words, Gen read it in the proud eyes of the younger brother.
He had to fix things with Sai.
He couldn't let another misunderstanding ruin their relationship, not when it took them so long and difficult to accept their feelings for each other.
He could borrow Ryusui's cell phone for a while without notifying him and call Sai, coming from him he would surely answer him. This is how he got his number the first time years ago.
"I'll rent you my cell phone at a thousand yen a minute," Ryusui declared, reaching the same conclusion as Gen.
"So expensive!"
"I'll lose out if you fix it in five minutes."
"I appreciate the offer, unbelievably generous mind from Ryusui-chan. However, Sai-chan will answer my calls when he is ready to speak."
"It could be right now," he declared, heading for the door to return to the house. "Mirai, on the other hand, will take longer to forgive you, Tsukasa is teaching her self defense and today she destroyed the practice doll, I never saw her more furious."
"I knew it!"
Gen enjoyed the silence after hearing the glass door close behind Ryusui. He felt like an idiot, Ryusui had excellent instincts, but the fact that he was able to read them was quite humiliating. Especially in the part of him knowing deep inside what Sai's problem was without being able to recognize it, the oldest of the Nanami was an open book, of course reading his mind was the easiest thing to do.
But he didn't want to, he was afraid to. Perhaps that was why the most selfish part of himself was grateful that he did not answer her calls.
He took a deep breath, taking the courage to call again, this time with the firm conviction to fix things.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Damn, Sai always, always had his mobile phone close at hand, he used to play with it quite a bit. Also, his classes ended a couple of hours ago, it couldn't be a bad time to call.
Beep.
"Gen?"
"Sai-chan, about last night's show, I know it looked like a kiss, but he stopped before doing it," he rushed to say, better be direct at once.
"Okay, I understand, even if you had kissed I would understand, there are perks of the trade and it happen all time in the entertainment."
Despite the tremor in his words and his grim tone, he was being sincere. During his subsequent silence Gen wanted to ask him why he then he was ignoring his calls, but a muffled hiss in Sai's throat hinted that he wanted to say something and was gathering the courage to do so.
"But…"
There was a "but", it was fine, Gen did not expect it to be easy to reconcile in view of the circumstances, the important thing was to discover the real reason why Sai was so distressed.
"We must end this" he declared as firm as his strangled voice allowed, holding back from breaking at any moment.
«Eh?»
Gen's heart stopped in his chest and his mind went blank, he couldn't think of a single thing to say. It just seemed so unexpected, so impossible.
"Eh?"
"I'm so sorry, Gen. I'm sorry."
"Wait! Whe-…?"
Beep, beep, beep.
He had cut the call. The mentalist was so incredulous at his conversation that he stood in that garden with his gaze absorbed at the screen of his cell phone; Sai's contact image, the rhino emoji, and the black heart seemed so unreal to him.
"Why…?"
But he could not bring any coherent thought, the tightness in his chest did not leave him, expanding to the point that he did not even feel when his lungs stopped breathing.
A snowflake falling delicately on his cell phone made him react, he released the air from his body slowly. That type of behavior was actually expected from Sai, for years he preferred to flee from his brother rather than confront him, the same was with his family, he escaped as far as he could from them without saying a word and now he was doing the same to him, he was breaking with him without telling her the real reason.
He breathed in until he filled his lungs and a deep anger seized his body, in his worst moment his mind understood the true reason for all those events. In the middle of that cold snowy night, heartbroken, Gen made a decision that could change his life for better or for worse.
"I don't like the little mermaid."
"Huh?"
It was a cool night at Naoshima beach that summer, so quiet that the only thing they could hear around was the waves rising higher and higher, almost touching Gen's bare feet on the shimmering sand. Beside him Sai buried his hands to remove the wet sand, enjoying that pleasant roughness against his skin.
"Please don't tell Mirai-chan, this is a secret between the two of us," he confessed with a wink, a confident gesture not without some flirtation, "but that's not my favorite fairy tale."
"Because is it a love story?" He asked naively.
"Because it is just a love story."
At Sai's adorable confused face, Gen couldn't help it and leaned in to kiss his cheek, happy to see his subsequent blush.
"I never finished liking the idea of a person being able to leave everything for someone she didn't even know; in the original story at least the little mermaid wanted to have a soul that would go up to heaven when she died, but in the Disney version it is not even because of that, she was excited about the outside world and that is why she believed she fell in love at first sight, she did not know of absolutely nothing to the prince, yet she was able to sacrifice everything that made her special for him."
Sai seemed to carefully review the movie in his mind, he never read the original fairy tale, he had no idea how different it was from the always dressed red-haired girl he used to see in the fairy tale merchandise windows.
"Now that you mention it, isn't that a bad influence to Mirai?"
"It's normal that she like her aesthetics so much, mermaids are great, right? For her, she is someone capable of doing anything for her loved ones, it matches very well with her ideals and those of Tsukasa-chan; over time she will grow up, she will develop tastes or abilities that make her feel special and she will be able to decide if she agrees with the story of the little mermaid or not."
That is why he did not want the girl to know his aversion to that fairy tale, for her at that precise moment in her life it represented a fantastic creature, someone with such a beautiful heart that she would sacrifice her beautiful voice to be with her loved one, such as Tsukasa was fighting all those years to keep her alive, yearning to see her one more time as the little mermaid did with the prince.
"What if the prince had asked her to do it?" Sai asked, his eyes wavering in the direction of the sea. "If they had known each other for a long time, they would like to marry, grow old and die together."
"Then he should offer her the option of sacrificing himself for her, perhaps he was not the first in line to succeed the throne or he might not be a good leader loved by his people; before asking someone else to hand over an important part of himself, he should be willing to do the same."
Sai's silence revealed that his hypothetical question was not about overthought theories about fairy tales, but about some concern of his own.
"Sai-chan," Gen called in a voice as serene as the waves themselves. "Do you know why I never confessed to you despite knowing that you had feelings for me?"
"Because you thought I disliked your profession," he replied.
"Bingo! Sai-chan, I've always been in love with you," he confessed, the blush on his pale cheeks as sincere as his words. "But I never considered giving up what I do, can you understand why?"
That was a simple question, Sai just hat put himself in his shoes, although mentalism and video games were completely different topics from each other, they were the most important thing for Gen and Sai, it made them find something they were good at and enjoyed, It helped them in difficult moments, they were their passions. The spirit of the eldest Nanami just couldn't bear if he was forced to stop programming.
"Giving up mentalism would be like giving up yourself."
"And I want to be loved for being the person I am," he confessed weakly, revealing how he felt being rejected all those years.
Then Sai understood that Gen's heart could be more fragile than his despite trying to pretend otherwise, prey to the terrible guilt for letting him believe all that time that his rejection was due to his passionate mentalism led him to take the face with both hands as delicate as possible.
"I love you for who you are."
It was the first time she had said those words to him and it seemed absolutely natural to Sai, as if they were blooming from his lips. Gen's beautiful bright gaze encouraged him to kiss him without waiting to hear the same words coming from him, they weren't necessary, he knew it from the way he kissed him.
It was Christmas Eve and Sai felt like shit.
He had a couple of weeks without getting more than three hours of sleep in a row, his eyes burned from crying so much and he didn't even have enough courage to turn on a console. Which was saying a lot for his state of mind.
Chelsea went a while after finishing classes to invite him to a Christmas party with all the exchange students, but even she understood that at that moment it was better to leave him alone to sink into his misery. She promised to excuse him with her classmates by talking about how foreign Christmas was for the Japanese people and to return at midnight with so many desserts she could steal from the party; thus they would drink cheap alcohol and she would accompany him in his separation process.
Sai didn't quite understand how breaking up with Gen hurt a lot more compared to when he thought they could never have a relationship.
Perhaps because being loved by him was so much better than he expected. Sai loved him in the same way, he loved him desperately, he loved the conversations late into the night where they both only talked about their daily experiences, he loved to see him on television showing off his amazing mentalism, he loved when he caressed him with his skillful hands, he loved when he kissed him lovingly, he loved the memory of their nights together in Naoshima between gasps and clasped hands.
No, he shouldn't think about it. He fought back the tears that flooded his eyes from rushing down his cheeks. It was the best, breaking up was the best.
Knowing that did not prevent the damn guilt that caused him to remember Gen's husky voice, he had never heard the usually sing-song tone so lost. He already know about his lack of tact at the broke up, he should have explained to him and let him know that he was free of all blame for his decision; he knew it perfectly, unfortunately that did not make him able to do it correctly. He wondered if he was okay, if someone close to him helped with his grief, or if he might have found another way to unburden.
His stomach knotted at the thought of Gen revealing his vulnerability to the idol who was clearly interested in him. It was ridiculous, he no longer had any rights, the mentalist could do whatever he wanted; if he wanted to give another successful and attractive young man a chance, he could do it.
He rubbed his tears away and obeying the worst part of himself went to check Instagram, wondering if his now ex-boyfriend in Japan was okay.
But he was no longer in Japan.
For a moment he believed that his eyes tired from the screen time and the crying hours blurred the photograph of Gen smiling on a shoreline with the gateway of India behind him. Then he pinched an own arm in case it was all a dream. Nothing.
"Help, I thought it was cold here too and I came in a huge coat."
"What are he doing here!?"
He got up alarmed as he looked at the rest of the photos, it was the only one he had in India, the rest were from his collection of card decks, recording studios or the Christmas decorations in Japan.
"Help, I thought it was cold here too and I came in a huge coat."
Then he realized.
"Gen has never been here! He can't even speak Hindi!"
Without thinking twice he shot out barely reaching for his wallet and phone to ask for an uber. Hopefully he would arrive in half an hour.
Which, by the way, was the longest thirty-seven minutes of his life. Mumbai being a famous tourist spot and the most populous port city in India, it could turn out to be a bit dangerous, Gen was completely safe from scams (he would definitely turn around and rip off the poor devil who tried to rip him off), Sai was more concerned with the language barrier, the crazy flow of traffic, and pickpockets. He must have checked his cell phone clock every two minutes, disturbing the driver visibly infected by his desire to get there once and for all.
He couldn't process anything beyond finding Gen until he finally did, far enough away from tourists taking pictures at the gateway of India and close enough to be easily noticed from there. Seeing him under the light of a streetlamp, Sai's mind went slowly again, reminding him that no matter how fragile he looked, dressed only in a black long-sleeved shirt and jeans, nor the huge coat in his hands making him look slimmer still for contrast, no, Gen could be a terrifying person. His serious eyes on the architecture of the place caused a lump in his throat, he had never experienced rejection from his part, he did not know if his heart would be able to bear seeing the Gen always kind to him treat him with contempt.
"Gen," he called hesitantly.
The mentalist did not seem upset, with his back straight and his face high he simply said calmly:
"Tell me the truth."
Of course, Gen deserved the truth, he wouldn't have to have traveled 4,716 kilometers to know it. If only he wasn't a coward.
"I don't deserve you," he whispered from his lips, covering them immediately. In front of him, Asagiri pressed her coat closer to his body and looked at him in anguish, knowing that the truth would be painful for him.
It was so difficult to tell him, because if he started talking he would regret a decision he made for Gen's sake.
"Sai," he called, softer this time. "Please."
"I had to finish my degree, return to Japan and work as a programmer for a big video game company," he explained with a hand on the back of his neck and guilty eyes on the tourists away from them leaving for their hotels as night fell.
It was, despite the fact that he fled to India from his family and his unrequited love for Gen, his professional interests were always with the big video game developers in Japan, especially since they were his lifelong favorites.
"But… last week Yuna, my older sister contacted me. Do you know her?"
"She is the only legitimate daughter of your father, thanks to him she grew up complex with her gender and for not being as capable of inheriting the conglomerate as Ryusui is."
Hearing that was quite surprising, Sai did not know that Gen had her older sister so well profiled. Actually, even he wasn't sure that he was self-conscious about her, hearing it made him think of the ever-imposing Yuna Nanami as quite a different person.
"With my brother disinherited for marrying Tsukasa, Yuna wants me to help her stay with her company. At first she offered me a lot of money, when I refused she threatened me, she told me that despite having rejected my inheritance, I still belong to a rich family, they could invalidate my scholarship and make me pay all my tuition until now if I do not help her. I am in a private university, it is totally out of my possibilities to pay it."
More than surprised, Gen looked upset with pursed lips.
"A software company in New Delhi offers me a fairly high-paying job once I graduate, and I can't ignore it if I have to stay away from the Nanami family," he continued, pouring out his grief without being able to stop. "The most egotistical part of me wants you to stay with me, but how can I ask you to be my little mermaid if I am not willing to leave anything for you? You have a happy life in Japan, there you could fall in love with someone else like Senku or Jinu, they don't… they wouldn't do this to you…"
The subsequent silence between them was crushing, as if the ever-busy streets of the city had stopped just to let him be ashamed of his own words. After a moment, Gen sighed in exhaustion.
"It offends me, Sai-chan. Did you ever think that I could help you find a solution?"
"Eh?" No, that possibility never crossed his mind, he was too busy feeling the oppression of being used by the ambitious interests of his family. "I don't want to involve you in this, I don't know what the Nanami can be capable of."
"Sai-chan, fleeing only postpones the inevitable, if she has truly set her goal that you help her, even if you go to the most unknown corner of India, she will find you. You will only have sacrificed how much you loved in vain."
"So there is a way to end this situation with my family?"
"There is, but why should I help you?"
That hurt like a punch, before catching a glimpse of the ray of hope the mentalist offered him, Sai gasped again. No, Gen had no real reason to help him at the time.
"I'm very sorry," he declared with a marked bow, as his Japanese manners indicated, "that was not the right way to end a relationship, I shouldn't have been such a coward."
The mentalist stepped forward.
"It's okay to be afraid, you felt cornered and I understand that you felt alone," he argued gently. "But you are not alone, you have Ryusui-chan, all the friends waiting for you in Japan, Chelsea-chan and you have me. Even if we are not a couple you can always count on me."
Hearing that was the last blow Sai's cracked heart needed. Unable to avoid it, a tear escaped from him dowing his cheeks and falling to the ground, still bowing, at least there it would not be seen by anyone. He ended the relationship, so why did it hurt so much to hear it from Gen? And Gen, against his expectations, gently took his shoulder to help him straighten up. Being so close he recognized why he missed so much the presence of the mentalist, those things impossible to transmit by video call were very necessary, such as the warmth of his hands or the intoxicating smell of flowers on his skin.
"I'll help you on one condition," he declared seriously. "Because if everything fails, I will pray for a pair of legs to escape with you to where we can be happy together, it does not matter if I should learn Hindi in the most populated city in India or if we elope to Las Vegas, as long as we can be us and continue doing what we are passionate about, I can assure you that we will be fine."
That was how much Sai needed to hear, it was as if the weight on his back slowly faded away, letting him breathe freely. True, they still had to face many more obstacles, but if Gen was certain that everything would be fine then he certainly would be. Without thinking about it, he took the mentalist into his arms and once he returned the hug, the world finally seemed to go the right way, nothing mattered as long as they were together.
"I love you, Sai-chan," he said next to his ear in a voice so low that Sai had to go over it several times in his memory to make sure he hadn't misinterpreted a single syllable.
He for the first time heard those words from him, then he pulled away a little to see Gen's face for any sign of regret. Finding instead his bright eyes and flushed cheeks in the most precious gesture of bewilderment she had ever seen before.
"I will never give up on you," she promised, taking his cheek gently.
Following a logical sequence, Gen leaned in to kiss him, stopping centimeters from his lips.
"Can we kiss here? I don't know if a relationship like ours is acceptable."
A correct question, homosexuality was decriminalized in India in 2018 and Sai did not remember ever seeing public displays of affection between two people of the same sex, but it was not that he was out there much and even if it were at that time he did not care. Because soon he would find a way to return with Gen to Japan where they would have their fairy tale ending. Pressing the mentalist against her body, Sai leaned his face to kiss him with need, enjoying the soft lips of his lover trying to make up for all the time they had to stay apart.
It must have been a short contact, but Gen's hands clinging to his shirt at the height of his chest let him continue with that long, slow kiss, one they wished they should never be separated.
Unfortunately time was not on their side.
Aware of this, Gen separated and, outlining a malicious smile, whispered:
"I knew it, Sai-chan's kisses are the best."
"Eh?!" The programmer took a step back, dismayed. "S-so-so did that singer kiss you?"
"I thought that was going to upset you, but be jealous of Senku-chan? That is quite surprising."
"Not only from him… eh… ehm…" he was rapidly reddening to the ears, "rather, not from him in particular…"
"Tell me," he stung, amused.
"I want… I wish…" his voice gradually lowered to a whisper, "I want to have something prepared by you for breakfast."
Gen was silent, his mouth and eyes wide with surprise in a rather adorable gesture.
"Were you jealous that the Ishigamis could eat my tamagoyaki?" He asked and despite being an obvious answer, Sai nodded sheepishly. "That's very cute, Sai-chan. It's a shame I should make you chastise for forcing me to come here."
"I'll help you pay for the flight!"
"We'll find another way to make you pay, right now I'm worried about the few hours left before my flight, I have to get to Tokyo tomorrow to prepare a live show," he downplayed the matter, cutting the distance between them again in two steps, brushing the dust off Sai's right shoulder before leaning in to whisper in his ear. "Why don't we take advantage of our time together and take me to your bedroom?"
Sai's skin bristled just thinking about it.
"I'm going to ask for an uber."
If the uber ride to gateway of India had seemed eternal to Sai, the ride back to the college dorms was torturous. While Gen had a lively chat with the driver, complimenting his good level of English, the mentalist seduced him with his skillful hands, first taking his and sliding his fingers from the wrist to the palm slowly, playing with spaces between the fingers. Then rested his hand on his own knee, moving rhythmically up to his thigh, completely stealing his attention until he almost made him drool.
To say that they were both dying of desire would be an understatement, six months of video call sex had them on the verge of exploding, Sai had a hard time not shoving Gen into the cleaning closet that was on the first floor of his building and starting there.
Once they reached the door of his room he did not know who started the voracious kiss in which they were engulfed, the mentalist bit his lower lip and tangled his fingers in his hair as he maneuvered to take it against his body from the waist with one hand while with the other he struggled to get the key to open the door, guiding him inside.
They had almost three hours, so they weren't going to waste a second, when Sai barely closed the door Gen took off his shirt so quickly that he couldn't even see when he unbuttoned it, anyway it stopped caring once he put the plants down of the hands in the abdomen and it was raising them by his chest until his neck, taking a sigh to take advantage of to deepen the kiss.
Desperate, the programmer led him to the bed where Gen gave a soft chuckle and round him with his legs.
"Let's not waste ti-"
"Sai! Good thing you're ba-"
Chelsea, who was coming out of the bathroom, froze when she saw her friend and the supposed ex-boyfriend that must be in Japan in such a compromising position. They, even more surprised, with the blood circulating in any part of her body except for their heads, took much longer to realize her own situation.
"Pegyaaa!" Sai yelled, leaping from the bed, covering his bare chest with renewed modesty.
"You would have told me that you had reconciled with Gen, so you would avoid me to sneaking in and stealing the Christmas cake, being discovered by Luna and being forced to bring her here," the geographer tried to be serious, but her intense blush along with the perverted smile gave her away completely.
"Luna?" Gen reacted for her boyfriend, looking for his shirt between the bed and the floor, still pale.
"She is another exchange student like us, she also just broke up with her boyfriend and was somewhat drunk at the party, so I brought her here to eat cake, drink gin and cry watching some romantic movie with us; you know, the typical breakout."
For the first time Gen allowed himself to pay attention to the rest of the room, it had a slight smell of alcohol, on the desk half cake with Christmas decorations, some disposable glasses and a bottle of cheap gin already started were the proof of the crime.
"Bleeeeeerg," came a female groan from the bathroom.
"I'm going to make sure she doesn't pass out," Chelsea excused herself on the way to the bathroom, unable to erase her smile. "Good to see you again Gen, sorry to ruin your plans."
"Don't worry, Chelsea-chan." He would have apologized for being found in such a situation if it were not for the girl clearly enjoying the view.
"Gen, did you see my shirt?" Sai stuttered without removing his hands from her chest.
"No, but I think you should find another."
"Eh?"
"Well, if I decided to keep as a Christmas present with clothes from my boyfriend who I won't see for a long time, I can do it, don't you think?" Apologized with a very well practiced innocence that Sai found surprisingly cute.
It was such a sweet and flattering gesture that Sai couldn't think of it as a robbery, he blushed as went to look for another shirt from his drawers.
"I'll be back soon, I promise."
And Gen believed in him.
End
In the end the funniest thing that the couple of idiots in love did that day was a little photo shoot to the cat of the dorms. A poor gray tabby creature, old and tired, used to wander silently through the corridors, sometimes scaring students by sneaking into their beds or more commonly, surprising them when they could not close a door and when looking down they found him crushed between it and the door.
"His Christmas hat appeared in shreds on my bedroom door, I think he was giving me a message," Sai commented, focusing on the grotesque cat rubbing his cheek against Gen's hand.
"So, he's the cheater," Luna commented aloud, making an effort to walk to the desk with dignity. As much as she kept after everyone heard her return Christmas dinner amid drunken moans.
At least she seemed to have a second wind that night. Chelsea sighed in relief to see her sit in the chair without falling flat on the floor.
"My name is Gen Asagiri, nice to meet you," he introduced himself with a smile that seemed too forced to Sai, he must have been exhausted.
"I know, everyone knows that once the most coveted bachelor in programming engineering is dating a Japanese magician. I saw some people argue how long it would be good to wait before offering Sai help to return you the favor after your last TV appearance."
"Are these things in the public domain?"
"You did not know?" Chelsea asked, surprised.
"Sai-chan doesn't pay attention to those kinds of issues around him."
"That's the only reason they stopped believing that we were in a relationship," Chelsea continued, looking at Gen, trying to make it clear that they were only humbugs.
Obviously.
"Gossipers suck," Luna snarled dismissively, resting her face in her hand on the desk.
"In places like this where young adults spend so much time hanging out and stressed, it's normal to try to distract themselves with some gossip. It would be a shame if someone had seen Luna-chan leave the party in such bad shape for a boy whose infidelity is surely in the public domain."
If the blonde had stabbed Gen a couple of times earlier, he had fought back so hard that her little hiccup made Sai and Chelsea uncomfortable, unable to turn to Luna to check if she was about to start crying.
"If they were all very drunk, you can still fix things, don't let anyone find out about your suffering from someone who didn't know how to value such a pretty and capable girl."
"I… I'm a capable gal," she murmured turning her face away from her towards the window, hoping to hide her tearful face.
"Do you want revenge? I happened to be on a nine-hour flight planning to get revenge on someone I thought had been cheating to me."
"Eh!? That's impossible!" Sai replied immediately.
"I thought so too, but you were acting so guilty that that option inevitably crossed my mind at times."
"It did seem that way a bit," Chelsea agreed thoughtfully. "You never told me what was happening and when I asked you why you should broke up you told me 'it's the best for Gen' with so much guilt."
Sai wanted to defend himself against her, explaining that he was not attracted to the idea of having sex with a person with whom he did not feel deeply in love, but he was so ashamed to explain something like that. He just pursed his lips and looked away from those present, embarrassed.
"Come on, it was just a television kiss," Luna understood after looking for it on YouTube from her phone.
«Then you hadn't even seen it» thought the three presents.
"This is nothing, I have seen people do more daring things to advertise themselves and even if it were real, no one could blame you, that singer is not bad at all."
Coming from her was sure to be a major compliment, Sai turned her face feeling marked by the comparison and Gen took the opportunity to lean his head on his shoulder, taking his hand.
"My Sai-chan is much better."
In response Sai squeezed his hand and leaned his head against Gen's, peacefully, allowing himself to close his eyes and forget about his troubles for an instant.
