EDIT (10/18/2006): I'm glad I got a good start with this fic. The first couple of chapters feel like I was onto something, and I was quite satisfied with the pacing, the length, and all. I don't know what happened later. Guess I got a bit carried away, or I was just too lazy to read stuff over enough to realize what was overdone and so on. It makes all the difference in the world to go back now and look over everything once again, feeling the relief of having achieved something, having actually finished the fic, and not dropping off in the midst. But this is most necessary. I already feel proud of having done this; I'd like to feel even better.
"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way."
-Juan Ramon Jimenez.
---
Harry says I'm turning emo. But that's the feeling I'm trying to give my story. So I guess I should keep it up (even though I don't exactly know what he's referring to, regarding what I'm doing, that is supposed to be emo.)
Sorry this took so long, but I've been swamped with work, I haven't had a good night's sleep in a few days, and I was a bit blocked. Plus today and yesterday were days solely dedicated to watch the world cup. Japan yesterday today, lousy, but they got the tie. Though I don't know how that helps at all, because they have to play Brazil next (and I fear a dramatic ass-whooping), but we'll just have to wait and see. And on Saturday Italy played against the U.S., so we had to watch out for Alexz, Jake, T.C., and Seth on the crowd at the stadium (yes, they went to the game). However, it was the most pathetic, depressing and absurd game I have ever watched. Italy was supposed to win, but nooo... And I've never seen a game where so many players get kicked out. It was so weird. But enough about that. All is not lost, anyway. I've still got England to root for. And no matter who gets to the next rounds, I'm still going to the quarter finals, semifinals and the grand finale. Woohoo!!
Songs that inspired me for this chapter are "Make this go on forever" and "Set the fire to the third bar" by Snow Patrol, "It's all over but the crying" by Garbage.
Disclaimer: Again, I don't own anything but the storyline. I'm just a poor, geeky writer satisfying her hopelessly romantic desires. Gah, I'm so pathetic…
---
Coming Undone – by Deathberry15
2: Rag doll
I want answers.
Rukia stared blankly at the balled piece of ruled paper that had just been tossed on top of her desk, reading the three words scribbled on it. She glanced to her left at Ichigo, who glanced back, regarding her with a meaningful look. Of course, she knew what he meant, but she wondered why he had waited this long to demand an explanation. She didn't even know how much he was already aware of.
After he came back from his training with the Vizards, reappearing so suddenly after being gone for a full month, everyone seemed to behave like nothing had happened, like he hadn't been missing at all. It had been really strange; Isshin and Yuzu and Karin acted like he had just come back from a weekend at a friend's house or something. But he had left without a word; he hadn't even thought of leaving his body behind so Kon could impersonate him at the very least, like he did when he went to Soul Society to rescue her. Rukia had spent little time in the clinic during that month; she feared they would've bombarded her with question. But now she realized, maybe they didn't really find Ichigo's disappearance odd at all, even though they did notice. They asked her a couple of times if she knew where he was, and she had nearly run out of excuses. But they weren't really worried. Maybe Karin, who always noticed when something was up with her brother. But even she seemed oddly relaxed about it.
Rukia choked down a yelp of surprise when another ball of paper hit her temple and bounced onto the desktop in front of her. She quickly opened it.
Hellooo. Anybody home?
She glared in Ichigo's direction, who just gave her a mischievous grin, as if he had been very clever. She threw the two paper balls back at him, hitting him on the shoulder and head before he could duck. He was about to do something in response, when the sensei turned and looked in their direction, hearing some sort of ruckus. They sat completely still, and everyone around them pretended not to have seen anything. Ochi-sensei eyed the students on that side of the room suspiciously, but eventually resumed her writing on the board. Before they would get into trouble, Rukia decided to ignore Ichigo, and sank back into thought.
What worried her most was that he seemed to avoid her questions. As soon as he returned, she had asked him how the training had gone, what he had improved, and so on. He would just get upset whenever she brought it up, and shut her out. But even if he wouldn't say it, Rukia had a hunch about why he had come back after only one month. Who knows; maybe he had finished his training, accomplished everything he needed to accomplish in a very short time. He's been known to do it before. However, his attitude clearly told her that was not it. There was something else. And now that Vizard, Hirako, suddenly showed up at school, and something happened between him and Ichigo, which was likely why he left as quickly and suddenly as he had appeared. She had a bad feeling about it all.
Now it seemed Ichigo to be in the mood for beating around the bushes, and she feared she'd lack some answers. Come to think of it, she was a bit lost herself.
Rukia yawned tiredly and went back to taking unimportant notes on a notebook. This whole issue of passing as a student was getting tedious.
She became so immersed in her thoughts that she barely noticed when people started getting up noisily. It was lunch break already. It took her a moment to realize Ichigo was standing next to her now, waiting for her response; Rukia looked at him and nodded. She jabbed a thumb upwards, gesturing they were to meet at the roof, their chosen place when they needed privacy to discuss important things.
"I'll meet you there in a moment."
---
"Well?" Ichigo, who sat against the wall with his arms crossed in an impatient gesture, asked as soon as Rukia came into view. She was just coming through the door to the roof, followed by Hitsugaya. She thought she'd need his assistance to answer most of Ichigo's questions, since he was a captain and more up to date with anything going on in town as well as Soul Society. Maybe he could shed some light on some of her doubts as well.
"Hitsugaya-taichou might be of more help than I. So I asked him to come," Rukia explained. Hitsugaya looked slightly miffed, wondering why he had to be there explaining such important stuff to a teenage boy.
"Hi, Toushirou," Ichigo said, half-grinning as he said that.
"It's Hitsugaya-taichou for you, Kurosaki-san," Hitsugaya responded coldly, crossing his arms in a manner very similar to Ichigo's.
Rukia sighed and sat down across from Ichigo, and Hitsugaya did the same. "Alright, we're here. Fire away," she said.
Ichigo seemed to be staring intently at Hitsugaya, who looked just as intently back at him. "Okay, first things first; why are you wearing a uniform if you're not even coming to class?" Ichigo asked with a smug smile. Rukia rolled her eyes, and Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow.
"Obviously," he began very slowly, "it's so I blend in. It would be more alarming to people to see a teenage boy going around town dressed normal. They'd think I'm a delinquent or something."
"Oh, so you're just a truant, then?"
"Go ahead to the real questions, Kurosaki. Let's not waste any more time, shall we?"
Ichigo sat up straight and became serious. "What exactly is going on right now? What's been happening that I should be aware of?"
Hitsugaya took a deep breath before he began. "I think it's safe to say not much has been going on. At least not that we know —and we should know plenty—, besides what we're already aware of. Nothing I suppose you remember what I told you last week, when you were sick? About the Hougyoku and the ou ken?"
"What you told me I already knew. Inoue informed me of it all when she came to the Vizards training grounds," Ichigo responded. "Don't we know anything new?"
Hitsugaya and Rukia looked at each other momentarily before he answered. "No."
Ichigo dropped his hands to his sides in frustration. "What about the tear in the sky? You say you all saw it, but did something happen?"
"Nothing we could see," Hitsugaya replied.
"What do you mean? Do you mean that someone from Hueco Mundo might have come out unnoticed?"
"It's possible. We don't know how that works."
"Soul Society doesn't know how Hueco Mundo works?"
"We know about Hollows, we know how to access Hueco Mundo, we know who is up there right now and what they might be doing, but how should we know about the inner workings of that place? It's not possible unless you get close enough," Hitsugaya responded, as if it upset him to talk about it. "The rip in the sky is the doorway in and out of Hueco Mundo, but we don't know if we can always see what comes in and out of it. That tear we saw, we can't understand yet why it opened and we couldn't see anything besides that. So, basically it's still a mystery to us."
Ichigo sighed in frustration. "Well, shouldn't you know something else about it by now? It's been, what, two weeks already?"
"We might know as much as you know about it."
"But I didn't find out about it right away. I only heard about it last week, when Rukia finally remembered to report something as important as that to me."
"Hey, I don't report to anyone, and least of all you." Hitsugaya gave her an odd look, and she made a face. "Well, maybe Hitsugaya-taichou, but only because he outranks me and he's leading this mission."
"That's right."
"Nevertheless, I'm the one in charge of making sure you guys don't look or act very conspicuous, since it's obvious you don't know how to be regular humans," Rukia said. She turned to Ichigo with a tone of disbelief. "He doesn't know anything about life on Earth. He didn't even know what chocolate was."
Hitsugaya seemed offended by this comment. "Well, I know now," he retorted impatiently. "And I don't see what's so great about it," he added with a dismissive shrug. Rukia looked like she might have jumped him for saying that, but doing that to a captain (especially Hitsugaya) would not have been smart, so she only made a remark that sounded like "it's the most delicious invention of mankind" under her breath, before letting the subject go. Ichigo sighed again.
"So right now, we don't know what to expect, we don't know about the tear in the sky, we don't know if anyone from Hueco Mundo came out of it, and we don't know if they might be planning something else right about now." He shrugged. "What do we know?"
Hitsugaya glared at him. "We know we should prepare for battle, anytime now. It may or may not take place in December after all. So we need to be ready."
"And what are we doing right now? To get ready, I mean."
"Well, for one thing, Kuchiki-san tells me you were training with the Vizards. How did that come along?"
Ichigo's frowned deepened, and Rukia knew he wouldn't answer. "Never mind that. I know what I've been doing," he said. "What have you guys been doing?"
"Urahara's been training Renji and Chad in his underground training area," Rukia explained. "They've been working on strength and endurance, building up stamina and such. Chad wants to gain control of his power, and most importantly he wants to understand what his power is made of."
"Okay."
"Renji just wants to get stronger. He's also working on his bankai."
"Right. Okay."
"We've been trying to communicate with our zanpakutous, considering the limit was lifted, we need to be able to fully use and control our release, something that works differently when we're on Earth. At least it seems that way with my bankai," Hitsugaya interjected.
"Alright… anything else?"
Hitsugaya thought for a moment and then shook his head. Rukia kept quiet. There was something else, but she didn't want to say it with Hitsugaya present; perhaps he would deem the information inappropriate. For that matter, Rukia wasn't sure if she really should say anything at all. Maybe Ichigo would get unnecessarily worked up over it. But she considered he had a right to know.
"Well, in that case, I've got work to do. And as you said, apparently I'm a truant, so maybe I should stop wandering around," Hitsugaya said, getting up. "I'll be at Inoue-san's flat if anyone needs me."
"Ah, yeah," Ichigo said. "Thank you for explaining what's going on. I appreciate it."
Hitsugaya half-smiled at him and turned to leave. He only took a couple of steps when he bumped right into someone. Hitsugaya and Ishida both stumbled back, nearly losing their balance.
"Hit- Hitsugaya-san…" Ishida stammered when he realized whom he had crashed into. He nearly dropped his lunch bag.
"Sorry, Ishida-san, I didn't see you there," Hitsugaya simply said before continuing on his way. Ishida just stared after him for a moment, and then he turned to see Rukia and Ichigo looking at him.
"Well, he obviously had his guard down," Rukia said about Hitsugaya, rather amusedly. "For him to bump into someone just like that, like a mere mortal."
"Maybe it's his gigai or something. You guys always seem to blame your lack of coordination on your fake bodies," Ichigo replied.
"Oh, shut up, Ichigo, you wouldn't know what it's like."
Ichigo was going to reply, when they both noticed Ishida was leaving.
"Uh, Ishida?" Ichigo called out.
Ishida turned slowly to look at him. "Um… I didn't think there would be someone up here." He continued walking away.
"Wait. Where are you going? I thought you came up here to have lunch. I mean, you can have lunch with us, you know? We've done that before," Ichigo said, tapping his own lunch beside him. Ishida didn't turn around, talking with his back to them.
"Actually… I prefer to be alone right now," he said in a low voice. Without another remark, he left. Ichigo and Rukia looked after him, puzzled.
"What's wrong with him?" Ichigo said, shrugging.
Rukia had a feeling she knew, but she wasn't about to say anything. If she was right, then maybe it was better for Ichigo not to know. Besides, she had something else she needed to tell him, now that Hitsugaya had gone.
Still, Ishida had been normal last week. Why would he suddenly be like this with us? she asked herself before pushing the subject to the back of her mind.
She took a seat next to Ichigo, leaning against the wall too, and for a moment she just watched him while he pulled out a sandwich from his bag and took a bite. She looked down at her own lunch, an identical sandwich Yuzu had prepared for her.
"There is something else," she said quietly. Ichigo glanced at her.
"What do you mean?" he asked through a mouthful of sandwich.
"You asked us if there was anything else," she replied.
"Is there?"
"It's about Inoue."
Ichigo stopped chewing, holding the food in his mouth for a long moment before painfully swallowing it whole. He put his sandwich down on his lap and wiped his mouth with a napkin.
"Is it bad?" he asked. It appeared to her that he was trying to sound calm.
"Well… I don't really know," she replied. "The thing is this: after we were informed of Aizen's plan, about the ou ken, that's when we started planning for the war that will most likely come in winter, unless the tear in the sky means some sort of 'change of schedule' or something."
She paused to take a bite out of the sandwich, and Ichigo waited impatiently for her to finish chewing. "Urahara mentioned that the other division squads might have to come and help out; maybe he has sketched out a strategy, or at least taken into consideration who should fight in battle. But he also decided Inoue-san should not be allowed to fight, not just because Tsubaki was still hurt, but because he doesn't think she's suited for battle."
There was a moment of silence during which Ichigo's frown went from concentration to outright disbelief. "What?"
"Tsubaki's fine now, though," Rukia continued before he could say anything that might interrupt her from saying everything she already knew. "One of the Vizards healed him, I don't know how. But I don't think Urahara would let her fight anyway."
Rukia finished her sandwich while Ichigo sat there, taking in the information. When she was done, he hadn't moved or said anything yet, deep in thought.
She eyed the sandwich on his lap hungrily. "Are you going to eat that?"
"I can't believe Urahara said that," Ichigo spoke up, shaking his head.
"Neither can I," Rukia responded, resisting the urge to snatch the sandwich up and eat it, even if it didn't seem like Ichigo would eat anymore. "I suppose he must have a reason for thinking that. But I think it's only fair that she has a chance to fight too, considering she's willing, and she's got some very special powers as well. Maybe she just needs to train, to learn how to control those powers."
Rukia conveniently decided to leave out the part where she had offered to help Orihime train, even going as far as talking to Ukitake-taichou so they could use the 13th division training area to do so. It just never came to that; the very next day was when Ichigo reappeared, and Rukia momentarily forgot about that. Then Orihime got sick, and they had to postpone it again. By now, Rukia lamented letting the commitment slip completely out of her mind. Maybe it would've been good, for both of them. Rukia was still regaining her powers and form.
"Well… what did she say?" Ichigo asked.
Rukia poked the straw through a juice packet and took a sip before speaking. "Well, she kind of… didn't say anything. I mean, obviously she was upset about it, but when she was telling me about it, she seemed fine. It's like she had resigned herself… you know Inoue, she's not exactly the type of person who would argue on her favor. Not even for something like this."
"But—but she… she can't be fine with it… can she?" Ichigo asked. Rukia shrugged.
"Maybe she sees where Urahara's coming from. She says she doesn't want to be a burden."
Ichigo sighed and shook his head again. "I don't understand why she puts herself down like that. I mean, she's really powerful, and her powers are unlike a shinigami's or an Arrancar's."
"Perhaps she understands she might not be ready for battle," Rukia replied, thinking about the training she and Orihime never underwent. "She's powerful and all, but can she put up a fight? Against Arrancars?"
Ichigo didn't respond. He just sat there for a moment.
"I mean, think about it," Rukia continued; "if it was up to you, would you let her fight?"
Again, there was a long moment of silence. Ichigo didn't say anything else, but continued to eat his sandwich quietly, still deep in thought. Rukia only glanced at him occasionally, drinking her juice. She finally broke the silence.
"If it would make you feel any better, I could talk to her."
"No," he said. "I'll talk to her."
"Oh, ok," Rukia said, nodding. "What are you going to tell her?"
Ichigo sat still for a moment, staring ahead, as if he hadn't heard her. Rukia was about to repeat the question, when he shook his head and looked down at his lap.
"I don't know yet."
They finished eating lunch in silence; it was time to go back to class when they were done. Rukia followed Ichigo into the classroom and observed him. Orihime was there, chatting animatedly with Tatsuki, Chizuru, Michiru and Ryo. He approached, but a few paces away from her, he seemed to have changed his mind and walked away. Rukia gave him a questioning look as he sat at his desk.
"After school," he mouthed. She noticed how he became lost in thought, while often stealing glances in Orihime's direction.
Rukia hoped she had done right by telling Ichigo. If there was someone who would be able to convince Orihime to do what she felt was right, it would be Ichigo. If he thought she should fight if she wanted to, if she was willing to, then she'd surely take his word for it.
But then again, given the circumstances she had seen building up as of late, Rukia felt almost certain Ichigo wouldn't want Orihime to take the risk.
The thing was few people regarded Orihime as a truly powerful person, as someone with a real fighting chance. Only those few recognized her potential. Rukia could remember Unohana-taichou say it, after the events in Soul Society; she remembered Kurotsuchi-taichou mentioning it once again after having met Orihime. Even Nii-sama said it, Rukia thought. And Koketsu Kiyone, and Shiba Kuukaku, and Yamamoto-taichou. They all seemed awed.
And now the Vizard named Hachigen, he explained it too. Orihime's powers were exceptional, unique, and stronger than anyone could believe. Her hairpins, the source of that power, the Shun Shun Rikka, thus worked like a zanpakutou would; harnessing the flow of power into a weapon, except that, unlike a zanpakutou, she wouldn't have to wield it like a sword. She could cast spells for protection, attack and healing. Perhaps it was everything she would ever need in battle, all in one weapon. She just needed to learn to control that power, use it to its greatest potential.
So how could someone like Urahara Kisuke actually deem her unfit to battle? Wouldn't he know a power like hers to be unlike anything ever seen before? Even if she still didn't have Tsubaki to fight, Orihime's shielding abilities were something no one else had, and her healing powers were way beyond that of the 4th division squad. Even Unohana-taichou had admitted it. Why wouldn't Urahara see that too?
The only reason she could think of was that Urahara knew something. There was something else behind it, and he was not telling. Rukia had experience on this, on knowing when Urahara was hiding something. She had experienced it too well. But knowing something was up beforehand didn't make her feel any better. She needed to know what was going on.
---
School was dismissed, and Rukia and Ichigo got ready to head home, when they saw Orihime. She was waving goodbye to Tatsuki, who was staying for karate.
"You go ahead, Rukia. I'll walk Inoue home. That way I can talk to her."
Rukia did a double-take. At any other time, Ichigo normally wouldn't be seen walking a girl home –other than Rukia, especially since they lived together—. If anything, this would just make those stupid rumors run rampant all over again. But considering this was a different situation, surely Ichigo didn't care what anyone thought. Rukia believed he wouldn't have cared anyway; not if she took into account some of the recent developments she had seen with her own eyes.
There was something decidedly different about Ichigo; ever since they came back from Soul Society, or at least when she came back from Soul Society and met him again, he was changed. It was comprehensible; there had been so much going on, so many things that happened and could have happened, terrible discoveries, and a whole lot of fighting. Ichigo had been through it all; he had technically become a hollow, fought almost the entire seiretei, nearly died several times, achieved bankai in two days, saved her from execution, gotten internally split in half, and seen the beginning of the greatest and worst war that was yet to come. If all that didn't leave a big imprint on his character, then she didn't know what would.
He had matured in such a short time, facing so many challenges and decisions, and putting his life at risk so often, Rukia had to wonder how he could handle all that weight on his shoulders, if there was maybe a greater change in him that she wasn't aware of; sometimes she wondered if he wasn't pushing himself too hard, or hiding how he really felt so he wouldn't worry everyone else. He kept distancing himself, searching for solutions on his own, refusing to ask for help. Maybe that would show real backbone, but it was also a great risk he was taking, trying to do everything by himself.
She watched him in awe and dismay as he approached Orihime with resolution and maybe a bit of insecurity in his pace, and Rukia's face tensed a bit, a subtle manifestation of hidden concern. Stillsome decisions belonged to him alone. Because he was catapulted into it, and along with him, eventually, other people were catapulted into it too. His family, his friends, and Orihime.
There are some things a person can't avoid, things that we unwillingly allow to influence us, but are heavy upon the mind when it's time to make a choice. However, when the time comes, the mind doesn't make the final choice. It's the heart that makes it for us, even when at times we can't understand how. Because there are decisions that are made based on honor, pride, and for goodness' sake, while others, perhaps the most important and most difficult to make, are based on love.
With a sigh, Rukia pulled out her mobile to try calling Renji. Even when he and Chad came back two weeks ago after being shut up in Urahara Shouten for so long, Renji would still disappear for days. Rukia had hoped training was over; but Renji still went back every day, and spent hours on end fighting in the underground area, pushing himself further and harder to the point of exhaustion. Whenever she saw him, he was tired and cranky, and did nothing but act impatient and annoy everyone around him until it was time to go back to training, and then he would disappear all over again.
It wasn't like her to keep tabs on him. Actually she wouldn't think of it as "keeping tabs", although someone else might still see it that way. She just wanted to know if he was okay, if there was still a chance for her to talk to him, instead of bearing his absence. She probably hadn't seen him since that day they snuck into Ichigo's closet to spy on him and Orihime. Sneaking around with him like a couple of real high school kids was silly, but somewhat thrilling, especially since she had been very bored lately. She hadn't realized how much she enjoyed his company –however exasperating he could be at times— until the moments with him became fewer and briefer, so much that she couldn't remember that well when they had last seen each other.
Ever since she became a noble, things had been different between them. It had probably not occurred to her how much she wished everything went back to the way it was before. And meeting Ichigo and getting stuck in the living world, then being dragged back to Soul Society, it only made matters worse. Renji became cold toward her, and then he put his life on the line to protect her. She didn't know if she could count on him as she did before. Things had not gone back to how they were before. She was just even more confused now. He was drifting from her.
She quickly dialed Renji, and waited for him to pick up. For some reason she couldn't get through. She tapped her foot impatiently, unaware that she was holding her breath. She just wanted to make sure he was okay.
A loud beep indicated her call had been disconnected. "Dammit!" she hissed. She sighed again, and paused for a bit before she started dialing again.
"Keeping tabs on him, eh, Rukia-chan?"
Rukia nearly dropped the phone in surprise. Matsumoto, dressed in denim miniskirt and jacket and a white top, peered over the black-haired shinigami's shoulder.
"You let your guard down, Rukia-chan. I'm surprised; any Arrancar could attack you like this," the vice-captain said in a burlesque tone, leaning on Rukia.
"Matsumoto-fukutaichou, please don't do that again," Rukia said, shaking a little. Matsumoto rolled her eyes.
"It's Rangiku-san for you, darling. No need to be so formal. I'm not like Shiro-kun. But don't ever tell him I call him that."
Rukia frowned. Unfortunately it was true she had left herself vulnerable. It's because she was distraught, as she often was lately. She couldn't help it.
"If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here? You're not pretending to be a high school student anymore," she asked.
"Oh, don't try to dodge the question. You know where he is. Urahara Shouten. Might as well go check up on him right there," Matsumoto replied in a teasing tone.
"I'm not keeping tabs on him. I'm just calling him to see how he is. I haven't seen him in a while. That's all."
"You say it like it's a bad thing. Keeping tabs on someone shows how much you care. And I bet you care a lot."
Rukia turned to face Matsumoto, who wore the biggest smirk on her face. She didn't know how to respond, or not respond at all, without being too obvious, but Matsumoto was not going to let her drop the subject.
"I'm just concerned. He's been working himself too long and too hard," she said in what she hoped was a neutral tone.
"You miss him."
Rukia stared at the vice-captain blankly. She snapped the mobile shut in her hand and put it in her pocket, and started to walk away, without a word. She thought it would get the message across; that she just wanted to be alone.
The sound of her own footsteps was soon accompanied by the sound of Matsumoto's boots on the pavement as she caught up with her.
"Come on. I'll go with you. We can both make sure he's okay. Besides, I need to get something from the store, anyway," the woman said, putting an arm around Rukia's shoulders in a friendly manner. Rukia felt a bit uneasy, but she knew Matsumoto was trying to be nice, in spite of her teasing. With yet another sigh, Rukia gave in, silently thanking Matsumoto, and she allowed herself to be led all the way to Urahara Shouten.
---
Ichigo and Orihime walked in silence for a few minutes. Utter silence. Not a word was exchanged between them. Neither knew what to say.
As soon as he had approached her at school, all his senses became somehow impaired. He stood before her, and she was grinning at him, and he couldn't speak or move or at the very least look at her normally. And when he managed to speak, he was tripping over his own words.
"Mindifiwalkyouhome?"
Orihime looked puzzled. "Pardon?"
Ichigo tried not to blush. He had just said all that as if it were just one word. "Um, do you mind if… um, if I… walk you home? You know, so we can, er, talk."
Orihime gulped and smiled faintly. "Sure." And they started on their way.
Was she walking too close to him? Did he seem uncomfortable? He hadn't even looked in her direction since they left. She had a bad feeling about this talk he wanted to have with her. Everything seemed so screwed up lately, even when on the surface it all seemed normal.
Ichigo was silent because he was trying to think of what to say and how. It used to be so easy to talk to her before. But it felt now like he had gone into a completely different zone with Orihime. There was also always a strange feeling like she could see right through him, sense things about him that no one else could.
The past two weeks had been very strange, for a week that was not littered with Hollow attacks or Arrancar or Vizards who apparently didn't want to have anything to do with him or his Hollow. Going back to his normal everyday life was odd enough for him, but other strange things began to happen. Not the bad sort, though. He found that, out of all people, Orihime somehow connected with him, and managed to keep his head above the surface before he could drown.
He had kissed her, and she had brought him a flower and cookies. That was hardly normal at all. But he was glad it happened.
"Well," she suddenly said. "This is my stop."
Ichigo was startled out of his thoughts when he heard her, and blinking in surprise, he realized they had made it all the way to her flat without saying anything. She probably felt taken aback by his silence. He had said, after all, that he wanted to talk to her.
Orihime sighed and gave him a half-hearted smile. "So… I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
"Wait. Inoue, I'm sorry. I said I needed to talk to you, and yet I was thinking all this time of what I was going to tell you, instead of, well, just telling you."
Orihime swallowed a lump in her throat. He sounded serious. "Is this about Hirako-kun? I'm sure he meant—"
"No, no," Ichigo shook his head. "It's something else."
"Good. Because I'm okay, really, and Hirako-kun is just friendly. Maybe a bit too much."
"He's a jackass."
"He's—oh, I wouldn't say that. He's… misunderstood."
"It doesn't matter. I told him to leave you alone."
She made a sound between a laugh and a sigh. "It didn't look like he was coming back anyway."
Ichigo scratched the back of his neck, a nervous tick he didn't get very often. "Rukia told me what Urahara said to you."
Orihime looked up at him, and once again he felt like she was reading him like an open book. She lowered her eyes and sighed.
"Okay…"
"Okay what?"
"I don't want to be a burden, so I'm not going to fight."
"Wait. What?"
"I'm sure that you and the other shinigami, and Sado-kun and Urahara-san and Yoruichi-san, and maybe even Ishida-kun, you all know that you have to fight, because you need to win this against the Arrancar. But I have no place in that battle. I'm not strong enough. I would only become a burden."
Ichigo's mouth was slightly open in shock.
"That's not what I was going to say. How can you say that?"
Orihime looked down at her feet. Suddenly she felt very stupid. It was only when she sensed him standing closer to her that she looked up and tried to forget how stupid she could really be. He seemed to search her eyes, her soul, by merely holding her gaze. She felt weak in the knees, as if she could just fall over at any moment, limp and lifeless, like a rag doll, if he kept looking at her like that.
"You're not a burden. You've never been a burden. Whatever made you think that? How can you even think that?"
He sounded offended, even angry. Much like Rukia had when she had said the same thing to her. But it was hard not to feel that way.
Feeling like she would stumble, like she couldn't stand under his stare any longer, Orihime sat down on the steps, next to a large potted plant with tiny purple blossoms. She plucked one out and spun it between her fingers, staring at it intently so she wouldn't have to look at him.
"You know," he began, "if it weren't for you, I think I'd probably be dead."
She couldn't help but look up at him, only to find he was taking a seat next to her on the steps. But he wasn't looking at her either. He was staring at his hands, as if there was something in them that kept him focused. She gloomily went back to examining the little purple flower in her hand.
"I know," she said very softly. "I just wish I were more helpful."
Ichigo snorted. "You can't get anymore helpful than that. I'd say keeping people from dying is helpful enough, wouldn't you?"
He took the flower from her and toyed with it for a bit, with her staring at him as he did so. He didn't want her to know he was fidgeting.
The purple morning glory blossom, the one Orihime had brought him, was still in his room; it sat on his nightstand for a few days, until it began to wilt. Ichigo had then hidden it, somewhere he knew no one would be likely to find it. He figured that it should be kept somewhere special, considering it was probably not common for girls to give flowers to boys. He was not used to it, anyway. Ichigo felt rather honored. And this was not just any girl, and maybe that's what made it so special.
"I'm sure you know, many think your powers are exceptional, not just merely different," he continued. "You can do things no one else can." He paused and looked briefly at her. "Even the way you acquired these powers is a mystery."
Orihime laughed sheepishly. "Actually, I think I got them because I wished to protect someone," she said, remembering the day she, Tatsuki and Chizuru had been ambushed by the Hollow; the Shun Shun Rikka had come out of her hair pins and aided her on saving her friends. Yoruichi had then helped her discover how to summon them again, and she was able to because she wanted to protect Ichigo. But she had never told him.
"I guess I could say the same for myself, then," he said, but she didn't fully understand what he meant.
"And that's why I think," he continued, and his tone of voice grew lower and deeper, "maybe you should stay out of the battle after all."
Orihime turned her head slowly to look at him. She thought she hadn't heard him right. But when he looked back at her, he had a pained look on his face, his usually furrowed brow frowning deeper.
"Please don't take this as me shunning you. It's not that at all," he explained quickly, although she had made no remark or face. "It's just that… maybe he's right."
"I have a feeling that Urahara said what he did for a reason," he twisted his body in his seat slightly, scooting closer to her. "I think he explained it to you, according to what Rukia said. And you might feel like he's telling you that you're not good. But maybe that's not it. I think he knows what he's talking about."
Orihime was afraid she would start trembling. Out of all the people she hoped would support her in her desire to assist in battle, Ichigo was the first to come to mind. She didn't know what to think anymore. She swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears at bay, but it was almost useless. She thought he must have seen them glistening in her eyes, because he looked sadder. She tried to smile at him, but a tear slid out and traveled down her cheek. He quickly caught it with his thumb.
"Don't get me wrong. You know I would usually be the first one to say 'to hell with him'," he said quickly, holding her gaze as best as he could, even when she was afraid to look straight at him. She feared she would start crying all-out if she did. "I mean, you know you're a clever person, you're strong and you've got guts," he continued. "You're capable of taking care of yourself, and you can do whatever you want. But I want to be reasonable and I want to believe that you can be reasonable. And this is not an occasion to become irrational or try to do things our way just because."
"What I'm trying to say is that, if Urahara said it would be best if you stay out of the battle, then I think you should, just to be on the safe side."
He searched her expression for any sign of understanding. Another tear spilled out, but she was no longer distraught. This time she did smile, a weak kind of smile, just for show, but she nodded as she did.
"I understand."
Ichigo eyed her skeptically. She sighed in resignation. "You're right. You're absolutely right. And Urahara's right. I have no fighting skills. Even with my powers, I'm not the battling type. I would just get in everyone's way. And I wouldn't want that either. I told Kuchiki-san that, but she got angry at me, thinking I was putting myself down."
"I just wanted you to know my opinion on this. I'm sure she did too," Ichigo replied.
Orihime nodded, and recalled how Rukia had wanted to cheer her up, to incite her to get stronger; how Hacchi-san had warned her about fighting, even when he healed Tsubaki so she'd have all her powers back. She knew Rukia had wanted to help her train, even arranged for an area in Soul Society's 13th division's training grounds to be opened for them. Maybe this time, she had thought, this time I will show them.
But now, she couldn't do it. She didn't want to contradict Ichigo, especially since he had made a good point. More than anything, she didn't want to do something to worry him. All she wanted was to support him. Even if it meant she wouldn't be right there to support him.
"Would you like to come upstairs for some tea? I'm sure Toushirou-kun is upstairs."
Ichigo shook his head. "Maybe some other time." Then he looked back at her almost pleading. "You don't have to pretend everything's okay. I know you probably feel like you're being left out. I mean, I would. But it's going to be okay."
She almost responded, but instead smiled nonchalantly. "You should get home. You only just recovered from that nasty cold. I'm sure your dad would be worried."
He looked hurt, and she regretted what she said, as if she were trying to get him to leave. Which she did, because she was afraid she'd start crying again. But instead of taking the hint, he took her hand into his, practically crushing the flower that still lay on his palm.
"Inoue, please promise me that you will try to stay out of the battle."
Orihime didn't say anything. She just looked sad. His hand was warm, and his fingers intertwined with hers.
"I know you want to fight, and in any other situation maybe I would be okay with it."
"What type of other situation do you mean?" she inquired.
"If you weren't… you. If you were someone else… But you're not."
Orihime sighed. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Because you're… you… I worry much more. I want you to be safe, and if you go into battle, I'm just going to be worried that something might happen to you."
"You don't have to worry about me. You said it yourself, I can take care of myself."
"But it still dangerous," he choked. "I don't want anything to happen to you."
She half-smiled looked at her feet. Before he could wonder what this reaction meant, her face inched closer to his. He only had one split second to think, before his heart started racing out of control, but the garbled thoughts and excessive transpiration were brought to an abrupt stop when she seemed to change her mind at the last minute, and just pecked him on the cheek.
"Have a good evening, Kurosaki-kun," she said, and he could see she became as flushed as he.
Ichigo didn't say or do anything; he just sat there, thinking about walking away, but not really moving at all. Her hand was still clasped in his. He gave a shuddering breath, and a feeling of anticipation overwhelmed her as she watched him lean toward her. Her breath suddenly caught in her throat as he pressed his lips to hers.
This was nothing like she had imagined, very unlike the kiss she could barely remember, the one he gave her in her sleep. This one got her skin tingling all over at the feeling of the closeness and warmth of his body. She had always wished to be this close to him, but she had never imagined how it would feel. Her mind was a senseless jumble of thoughts.
Eventually he pulled back, as slowly as he had leaned in. He licked his lips and regained his breath. Orihime gave his hand a gentle squeeze, as if to say goodbye, because she knew he would leave. Without another word, he let go and stood up, and casting a long last glance down at her, he turned and left.
Once he rounded the corner, he had to muster all of his willpower to not punch a hole in the nearest brick wall. Still the biggest idiot ever, he thought, wishing he could bang his head against the wall at least, but he kept himself from doing that too. Looking down at his now empty hand, he continued on his way home. Hopefully he had done the right thing. It felt right; but he still couldn't get rid of the awful feeling of foreboding that invaded him.
Orihime licked her own lips. She sat there for a bit longer, a million different sensations taking over her. She wiped the tears that still lingered in her eyes, and opened the hand he had held. The crushed purple flower fluttered to the ground in bits. How ironic, she said to herself. That's exactly how I feel right now.
After a couple more minutes of gathering her wits, she took a deep breath and went up to her flat. She had to make dinner for herself and her two guest shinigami.
---
Hitsugaya stepped away from the window, hiding his reiatsu well throughout the whole tête-à-tête, so that they wouldn't sense him eavesdropping. He didn't actually mean to eavesdrop, but he overheard part of the conversation and remained there to listen to the rest. After a bit, he watched Ichigo walk away, crossing the street toward his home. He felt bad having spied on them, but it was partly his duty to know and to inform of the things going on here on Earth, and especially if it was related to the current situation with Soul Society and Hueco Mundo.
He wondered why Orihime hadn't mentioned anything to him about that, why Rukia had failed to report it to him. But he thought it was important to know what Urahara had said, whether it concerned Orihime alone or not. If it had to do with one of them, it had to do with all of them.
There was a false sense of security spreading over them. He could feel it. Something would happen when they least expected it.
And now he had another very bad feeling about what might happen.
He'd have to ask Orihime about it. But he didn't know how. Maybe Matsumoto would know how. He'd have to ask her instead, when she got home.
---
Yuzu tiptoed over to Ichigo's room. He wasn't home yet; he must be coming home from school soon. Still, it didn't feel right to sneak into his room; he could be very adamant about his privacy, and even more noticeably so as of recent. She tried to remember to knock every time, and go in when he was there so she could ask for his permission, instead of just going in when he was out. But in this case, there was no way around it.
She knocked lightly and opened the door just a crack, peeking in. "Onii-chan?" she called out even though she knew he was out, just to be on the safe side. No one could deny she knocked politely before going in. Making sure the room was empty, she entered and looked around.
All she wanted was a book. She was sure Ichigo would have it. He had mentioned once he had kept it a long time ago. It was a very old edition of a haiku poetry book, by Takahama Kyoshi. It belonged to their mother, apparently her favorite book of poetry. A couple of years after her death, Ichigo had found it and added it to his personal collection. It held special meaning for him, because he remembered her reading from it often to him. It reminded him of her.
Yuzu really needed the book for an assignment. She had to do a book report, and she thought she'd do it on a poetry book for a change. As far as she knew, their mother's was the only one in the house. And it was supposed to be in Ichigo's room.
Still tiptoeing, Yuzu approached the bookshelf in the corner and quickly skimmed the titles on the spines; it was not there. She walked over to the desk, and carefully looked around the surface, trying not to touch or move anything. She had this foreboding that Ichigo would walk in any moment and get terribly mad at her for being in his room, and she didn't want that. He could come home any moment, though.
Scanning the rest of the room, she went around checking every possible place, even the most ridiculous locations, like under the bed or among the sheets. It finally occurred to her to check in the nightstand. She opened the drawer, and there it was.
"If he finds out I took it, I'm so dead," she said very quietly, taking the book out carefully. It was very old, but still in very good condition. Yuzu opened it slowly. On the very first page, there was a note in English scribbled messily in katakana, the characters rough and crude. It didn't seem at all odd to her when she saw the note had been written by her father. He had a habit of writing in ways no one could understand. It only made sense that he would decide to write a note in katakana so phonetically it was all in English. Isshin had probably bought the book for Masaki before they got married, judging from the date, but Yuzu could barely understand what the note itself said, since it was too confusing. Surely something romantic (or corny, considering the nature of the note).
Leafing through the book, Yuzu wondered if it was any good. Hopefully it would be good for her report. She was just thinking about how she should do the report, when she stopped at a particular page, and her eyes fell upon a flower pressed between the pages.
As far as she could tell, in spite of the flattened petals, it looked like a morning glory, a very beautiful shade of purple. It might have been there for who knows how long, a gift from Isshin that Masaki put in her favorite book for safekeeping.
Yuzu smiled. The petals still felt velvety when she touched them. That's weird, she thought. Taking a closer look, she noticed the flower was not even wilted. In fact, it looked fresh. Like it hadn't been there for more than just a few days. And the only person who could've put it there was Ichigo.
Yuzu soon remembered where she had seen that flower before. It came with a white box, tied to it like a bow. Could Ichigo really have saved it, pressing it between the pages of a cherished book for safekeeping?
Ichigo. Keeping a flower. That a girl gave to him.
Could it be? She thought with a smile, but it promptly faded from her face. Feeling suddenly bad for what she was doing, Yuzu closed the book carefully and replaced it inside the nightstand drawer, making sure everything was just like before, so that Ichigo would never know she had invaded his privacy. Grudgingly, she crossed the room and stepped outside, closing the door quietly behind her. Now she was going to have to find another book.
---
The kiss was inspired by Lost, possibly the best TV drama ever to come out since CSI (yes, I have friends who force me into addiction to certain U.S. TV shows, even thought they're not from the U.S. themselves. Alexz, especially, has a strong influence over what imports I watch; God only knows why I let her). If you're a fan and you haven't seen the finale of this season, then I won't spoil it. But it was great, worth the wait, definitively. Sigh and now we have to wait for the new season.
And in response to a nice review I got from sooze, the morning glory isn't a reference to Améliè (although I love that movie and I love making references to it). Here's the thing: I'm such a geek that I did a little research and found that Orihime's birth flower would be the morning glory, and that's why I use it. And since the morning glory is purple, that's the reason Orihime's favorite color (in my fics) seems to be purple (mmh, something I hadn't noticed until recently, but is true). Thank you for noticing little details like that; I do that too, and it's nice to have someone notice bits like that. In my case, I always wonder if the little details hold more meaning than we think at first glance. That's why it's sometimes good to be a geek.
Please review. Thank you. Good night.
-Nariko the Seer a.k.a Deathberry15
