Chapter ten

Bam lay curled up on the bed, staring at what ever was in front of him. In his hand he clutched Missy's engagement ring. He felt like he was unable to move. Not only that but he felt like he didn't even deserve to move let alone be alive right then. So many things were running through his mind that he didn't know what he felt the worst about. He opened his hand and looked at the ring resting in his palm. As he focused on the ring he kept imagining Missy's face and how she looked right before she left. He saw the tears of anger and of pain streaming down her face as she yelled at him and fought with him. He then closed his fingers tight around the ring again and threw it across the room.

He gripped his pillow that was beneath his head and then wrapped his arm around it, bringing it closer to his chest. The tears could no longer be contained as he hugged his pillow and once they started falling they fell fast and uncontrollably. He hated every single thing about himself and what he had done. He hated how badly he hurt Missy when there was no reason for it. He hated how Missy was the one who had to find out first that he was having a child with the girl he cheated on her with. He hated the fact that there was now a child involved in the whole mess that he felt was his life. He hated that no matter how much he wanted to change things, none of what had occurred could not be changed.

Bam gripped the sheets. He pounded his fist into the bed. He wanted to reach up and pull his hair out. His stomach hurt. His voice was going. All his emotions were pouring out at once as he sobbed. This was the worst breakdown he had experienced in a while. And to make things worse for him he knew that he had brought it all upon himself this time. His sobbing lasted a while and he barely had any voice left once it had finished. He slowly sat up and looked around his room, wiping remaining tears off of his face. Slowly he made his way off of the bed and he went over to the closet. He opened the closet door and peered in at his clothes and the empty space beside them where Missy's clothes had been hanging. He looked up at the shelf above the clothes and saw that there were still a couple duffel bags up there. His eyes closed and he blindly reached up to pull down a duffel bag.

With the bag in his hand, he hastily stuffed it with some of his own clothes. He then went over to the dresser and opened the top drawer. From the dresser he took out some more clothes and threw them into the bag. He grabbed a few more things; a couple hats, a necklace, and a pair of sunglasses, and put them in the bag on top of his clothes. He then zipped the bag and left his room, heading downstairs. Before he reached the bottom step he pulled out his cell phone from his pocket and made a phone call.

….

Bam knocked on the door as hard as he could and then rested his forehead on it. Hearing the click of the door handle, he stepped away from the door a little. The door opened and April looked at him, immediately holding her arms out to pull him into a hug.

"Bam I'm here for you." She patted his back soothingly

"Ape I… I really fucked up. You should hate me right now."

"I could never hate you." She walked him inside and closed the door "What happened with you and Missy?"

"She left. We had a huge fight and she left." He dropped his bag and plopped down on the couch

April sat down next to him "What did you fight about?"

Bam sighed "I fucked up, I already told you that." He closed his eyes, feeling tears start to form again "I cheated on her and she found out. But it gets worse." He looked at her with big saddened eyes "I… I got the girl pregnant."

April gasped and covered her mouth with her hand "Oh God… Bam you're not serious."

"April I'm very serious. I hate to hell that I am. I have no idea what to do now, mom."

April sighed and then wrapped her arms around him. He let her hug him while he held his head against her chest. The two of them talked for a little while about Bam's situation. She admitted to him that she had never seen him nearly as scared about something as he was just then. He admitted to her that out of all the crazy and idiotic things he had ever done in his life, including all the insane death defying stunts he had pulled off and even when he had been locked in the trailer with a king cobra, he had never felt as scared about anything as he was in that moment of time. He told her that he felt like his entire life was ruined and that he no longer wanted to continue on with it; that he didn't deserve for his life to continue.

Once Bam was able to get past the over-dramatic, somewhat suicidal part of his discussion with April, the two of them were able to talk seriously about what he should do next. She decided that, after they talked it over with Phil, they would allow Bam to stay there with them as long as he needed. Bam needed to be able to sort things out but he felt that he couldn't be alone while he did so. The only people that he wanted to be around at the time were his parents. They were the only ones that he knew he could fully trust. They were the only ones he knew would be able to help him make clear decisions that he needed to make. They were the only ones he thought would understand the things that he believed that he needed to do. If his own parents couldn't help him through all this, then no one was going to be able to.