Chapter thirteen

The news of Bam's death spread fast. His fans worldwide were shocked and devastated when they found out. Many hearts and dreams had been shattered once the fans' idol and heartthrob had fallen, leaving a short-lived legacy behind.

Bam's friends and family had been affected profoundly as well. His parents were forced to grieve the loss of their youngest son. They told people that although he had spent years driving them insane by the things he had done to them and to himself; they cherished every moment with him and would give anything just to have one more day with Bam. His closest friends had lost their leader; the one who convinced them all to do all kinds of crazy things, and that no harm could ever be done to them by doing those crazy things. Even Bam's unborn child was left to suffer his passing. His child would have to grow up without a father. This child would have to grow up hearing all kinds of stories about Bam, seeing tons of pictures of Bam, watching television shows and movies that Bam was in, but they would never be able to hear him speak to them, feel his touch as he held them, or be face-to-face with him. This child would always know who their father was, but they would never actually get to know him.

Phil and April walked into the funeral home where Bam's memorial was being held. Phil held and arm around April as she dabbed tears away from her eyes onto a wadded up tissue. He walked her past some people and helped her sit down at the front of the room. The two of them talked quietly amongst themselves until someone would come up to them to ask them how they were doing, and to give them their condolences. For the most part they both were able to hold themselves together. Every once in a while April would rest her head against Phil's shoulder and cry softly. It was hard for anyone there not to cry. Everyone almost couldn't believe how much Bam was going to be missed.

….

Phil opened the door and let April enter the house first. April took off her shoes and Phil removed his suit jacket and tie. They both went into their bedroom for a few moments to talk to each other and change. April left the room and walked slowly down the hall to Bam's old bedroom. She pushed the door open gently and peered inside with a sigh. She stood there leaning against the doorjamb for a brief moment before entering the room. Walking over to the bed she then sat down and placed a hand over the blanket.

"Bam…" She said softly as she nudged the lump that was beneath the blanket

Bam stirred and then turned over onto his back. He opened his eyes and sat up, looking at her.

"Hey Ape… what time is it?"

"It's going on 5:30. We just got back from your, um, memorial."

"Was it nice?"

"Actually, yes. There's no doubt that you would have liked it." She let out a slight grin "Especially once Dico went up to say a few words."

"Oh he spoke? I actually wouldn't have expected that." He looked at her closer "Were you crying?"

She nodded "I didn't even have to try actually."

"Boy, Ape, when you act sad you really lay it on thick, don't you?"

"Even though I cried, people actually told me how surprised they were to see how well I was keeping myself together. Losing my son so unexpectedly and all."

Bam couldn't help but let out a snicker. April immediately slapped him upside his head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"This isn't funny Bam! I can't believe you! Even when you're supposed to be dead you're being a mean little boy."

"Lighten up, Ape."

"Lighten up?" She rubbed her eyes "Bam I still can't believe that you decided to fake your own death and that you actually talked me and Phil into going along with this."

Bam looked at her seriously. His eyes had begun to fill with tears and he shook his head a little.

"Mom I… I needed to do this. I needed to be able to… let go of everything. I needed to break away from "Bam Margera", the whole persona that everyone, including you Phil and the rest of our family thought they knew." The tears began to fall "I had to escape that whole life that I've hated for a long time. And the only way that I could possibly do this was to have everyone believe that I was dead. Do you have any idea how hard it's been these past months, no, the past few years for me to just live my life? I got to the point where I hated every single moment of my life. It's why I lashed out, why I started destroying everything that I loved, why I got rid of all that money, why the slightest thing would cause me to break down into tears that I could not control, why I was being driven crazy and not able to even think right and why I had completely lost control of my emotions…" He sniffed and covered his face with his hands "I absolutely can not stand my life and what it's done to me. Now do you see why I had to do this?"

April wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. She kissed the top of his head and rocked him gently as he cried. Once he was able to calm down, he, April and Phil sat down and talked seriously about his situation and reasoning behind it all. They talked about what he would do once he was going out in public again and about if and when he decided to come clean about faking his death. Bam admitted that he hated that it had to come down to all this but the three of them agreed that it would be the best thing for him to stay inside until he was back to a healthy mental and emotional state. Not only did he hate that he had to stay inside but he hated putting everyone else through a false grief over his "loss". But he knew it all had to be done. He knew that it was the only way for him to be able to finally let go of everything that troubled him. Of course it would be a while before he would be able to sleep easy at night but he was willing to do whatever it took to get him to achieve that sigh of relief.