By popular demand...(And if it takes the edge off the impending Incident, more the better!)

The Jate Kiss: Now in Glorious UnspokenVision

"Kate, what the hell are you doing out here? What happened in the hatch, Kate? Why'd you leave? I come back, I find Sawyer just lying on the ground. You just took off."

KateUnspoken: HEY! He's my long-lost boyfriend, not yours, and I'll leave him lying on the ground if I damn well please! Back off, doc! Also, dammit, Sawyer! I'm not sure how, but I bet there's a way that this is your fault. Poor suffering bastard.

"Is he okay?"

KateUnspoken: He survived Ana-Lucia, I'm sure he can survive a short nap on a cold concrete floor. Right?

"Yes, Kate, he's fine."

JackUnspoken: You know, if I get any huffier, I'm going to inhale the entire island. Save me from myself, Kate.

"I'm sorry."

KateUnspoken: Specifically, I'm sorry I didn't start running the minute I heard you clomping through the jungle with your big patronizing feet. Gives me the willies just being near you, which is saying something considering your competition in heebie-jeebie-dom is the pervy stepfather currently stalking me from the great beyond.

"Are you?"

KateUnspoken: Oh yes, I'm very sorry indeed that I didn't let Sawyer strangle me to death. Because then I would be peacefully dead and not having this conversation with you. Man, I thought Sawyer was in pain.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I am not as perfect as you. I'm sorry that I'm not as good."

JackUnspoken: That's a common problem, Kate, but everyone who meets me experiences shame and self-recrimination. By the way, could I interest you in a What Would Jack Do? bracelet? A lot of people find them a source of strength.Or maybe a WWJD T-shirt? I could autograph it if you want.

"Okay, what's going on with you?"

KateUnspoken: I. MISS. SAWYER. Also, I'm insanely jealous of all the hot reunion sex Sun is having at this very moment with Jin. Sawyer and me would totally give them a run for their hot reunion sex money--if we had the chance. Sawyer, you're so in trouble when you wake up! Furthermore, meanwhile, thirdly and most of all, I miss Sawyer! A lot. ...Oh, and there's this whole haunted by the ghosts of my past thing, but I don't want to talk about it.

"Just forget it."

KateUnspoken: I'm gonna go see if there's any Tori Amos or Billie Holiday in the hatch. Patsy Cline isn't making me sad enough.

"No, don't walk away from me."

KateUnspoken: Dude, where Tori Amos goes, depressed chicks must follow. It's the law.

Jack grabs her.

KateUnspoken: We'll have to see how things go, but I think this just officially turned into the worst day of my life. Wayne's skulking around, Sawyer's dying of sepsis, and now I have Jack cooties. Remind me to kill myself later.

"Let go of me. Just..."

JackUnspoken: I'm all about the healing power of love, Kate. That's what Jack would do, you know. Love and be loved in return.
KateUnspoken: Yeah, um, I'd like to buy a one-way ticket to Bear Village please, preferably on a train that arrives immediately before dinnertime--when the ravening polar bears are extra-hungry.

"No. Kate. Jack grabs her. Kate, Kate, Kate."

JackUnspoken: Kiss me, Kate.
KateUnspoken: Oh no you din'in.

"Don't! I've got..." Kate starts to cry. Jack pulls her towards him and hugs her.

KateUnspoken: I've got Jack cooties on me now. I'd take a bath in bleach except I think that might drive away the polar bears. Hmmm, I wonder if jungle monsters like the smell of bleach...

"It's okay. It's okay."

JackUnspoken: You can call me Wonderwall--because after all, I'm gonna be the one that saves you.

"Please, this place is crazy. It's just...I can't...it's driving me nuts."

KateUnspoken: Did you know I was on the cross-country team in high school? I was, you know. I really like to run. It's kind of my thing. And there's nowhere to run on this damn island. I can't escape anything around here, up to and including high-strung, emotionally retarded doctors. I miss planet Earth--back on Earth you could really stretch your legs.

JackUnspoken: I'm sorry. Did you say something Kate? I couldn't hear anything over the sound of my gigantic pulsing ego. When it gets all pumped up--as it tends to do in the presence of needy women--it sort of sounds like the Space Shuttle taking off, and you can't hear a darn thing for miles around. Anyway, what was that? Something about a leg cramp? Probably the result of a potassium deficiency. Let me get you a banana.

KateUnspoken: You are 15 kinds of skeevy, you know that?

"I know. It's okay. It's alright. It's alright."

KateUnspoken: Okay, can't run. Can't hide. Locke burned Charlie's drugs. Other options for escapism? Erotic oblivion? Maybe that's not just a Sawyer thing. Maybe...

Kate reaches up and give him a passionate kiss.

KateUnspoken: Here goes nothing...wait, that's just an expression. Give me something. Anything? I'm easy...really. Okay, ew. This is gross. Dammit Sawyer, I'm not sure how, but I'm pretty sure this is your fault too. I wonder if Dharma makes extra-strength bleach. Oh! And I know they make ammonia, I saw some in the hatch. I can mix the two and die from the fumes. Whee! I'm off to play with chemicals! Bye Jack!

"Kate!"

JackUnspoken: You forgot your autographed T-shirt!