TWO FOR THE ROAD: PART 1

Sawyer's pulling down mangoes. Ana-Lucia moseys up and starts fondling the testicular euphemisms.

"Hey, I've been knocking those things down for 20 minutes. Get your hands off of my damn mangoes."

SawyerUnspoken: For one thing your technique looks terrible.

"I didn't figure you for the fruit-picking type."

SawyerUnspoken: Are you saying I'm gay? Or just fat? Because I'm positive I'm being insulted, but I'm not entirely clear how.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Now you know how the rest of us feel.

"What do you want?"

SawyerUnspoken: I, for one, would like reparations for the ill treatment I suffered during my stay in your prisoner-of-war camp. I'll take a box of Thin Mints to start. I like cookies.

"I need a gun."

SawyerUnspoken: Is that a metaphor?

"Well, here's an idea--why not go to your buddy, Jack? He's got himself a gun. Oh, that's right, he's still traipsing around the jungle with Kate."

SawyerUnspoken: Do you think he lets her play with his gun?

AnaLuciaUnspoken: He probably likes to keep it to himself.

SawyerUnspoken: Were that it were so.

"If you've got a problem because he's making time with your girlfriend, don't take it out on me, man. How 'bout you just give me a gun?"

SawyerUnspoken: Don't make me angry, Lucy. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: What? You gonna throw me over your knee and spank me?

SawyerUnspoken: You wish. I'm saving that trick for Freckles.

"Here's another idea--scram. You heard me, now get."

TWO FOR THE ROAD: PART 2

Sawyer's walking alongside the creek when he hears something in the trees.

SawyerUnspoken: First Claire, then Kate...based on the Others' proclivity for the pretty, I'm totally due for a kidnapping. Dammit. This is so not my year.

"Come out, come out whoever you are. I know you're there. Don't make me come in after you..."

Ana-Lucia appears.

SawyerUnspoken: Nor, apparently, is it my day.

"Well, well, well, what have we got here? Was Little Red Riding Hood going to follow the Big Bad Wolf back to his big old stash-o-guns?"

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Okay, you're such a cheating bastard. I can't believe you're using the little Red Riding Hood line on me. Everyone knows Kate's Red Riding Hood, and that's what makes it so epic that you, the wolf, fell in love with her. Well, that and the bloodshed and the ruined lives and all the failed expeditions to grandma's house.

SawyerUnspoken: I was referencing the "Fear, Itself" episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but whatever.

"Why don't you give me that one, right there?"

SawyerUnspoken: My motivations for taking the guns remain shrouded in a mystical fog that lifts only once every thousand years, but Cockeye Sally, I'm positive it wasn't so you could continue your twisted love affair with firearms.

"I ain't going to give me you nothing. We've been through this, Lucy."

SawyerUnspoken: And why must I be so fking florid all the time! A simple "no" would suffice. sigh Reliably excellent line-readings: It's my blessing and my curse.

She swings, she misses, he laughs, she wrestles him to the ground, he flips the crazy bitch, Skaters everywhere lament the utter defilement of the once-holy jungle love tackle.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Hey! I liked you better when you had a festering hole in your shoulder!

SawyerUnspoken: What can I say...bullets are my Kryptonite.

He's got her pinned and takes a moment to taunt her.

"What you gonna do now, muchacha?"

Ana-Lucia starts kissing Sawyer.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Mama always said, the big brain indeed is unwilling, but the little brain is weak.

Sawyer's Little Brain: Hey! Who you callin' weak!

AnaLucia's Mama: Hey! Don't drag me into this. Oh, by the way, you're adopted.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Dammit! I knew there was a reason you were so much cooler than me!

Ana-Lucia and Sawyer start pulling off each other's clothes.

SawyerUnspoken: Look little fangirls, a man's got needs. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Who are you talking to?

Sawyer's Big Brain: Silencio, por favor! I'm trying to remember something, but I can't think straight with the racket going on downstairs.

Sawyer's Little Brain: WHHHEEEE! We're having sex! Does the wave.

Angry jungle drums attempt to generate some sort of animalistic heat; usher us into commercial.

TWO FOR THE ROAD: PART 3

SawyerUnspoken: For your sake, peaches, I hope that wasn't your A-game.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Pugilistically or sexually?

SawyerUnspoken: I don't know what that first part means, but I do know I wouldn't be throwing around the word pug if I were you.

Ana puts on her shirt as Sawyer watches.

"What? Don't you want my phone number?"

AnaLuciaUnspoken: But, Sawyer, there are no phones on this Island.

SawyerUnspoken: Indeed.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: HEY!

SawyerUnspoken: You'll notice I'm not offering you my Dharmatel IM screenname either.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Well, for your information, I'm already stalking you on MySpace. So there.

"You tell anyone about this, and I'll kill you."

AnaLuciaUnspoken: No, I mean it. I'll kill you.

She takes off.

"I guess that takes cuddling off the table."

KateUnspoken: Go directly to the hatch. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Look for the bottle labelled Kate's Patented Special Bleach-Ammonia Blend Cootie Remover. Chug.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: And you might want to pop a couple of amoxicillin while you're there. I'm just sayin'. The burning starts Thursday.