Chapter 9: The Road Trip Part 2

Arcadia Oaks, January 14th, 2017

James Lake Jr. had had quite the experience with travel. He had been chased by angry trolls and worse on his bike. He had travelled on the Gyre. He'd been on a Vespa, being chased by a Stalkling.

He could say, with certainty, that being in a van driven by the Slayer was the scariest experience of them all. That the van had managed to hold together until they had reached Arcadia Oaks was a miracle. And a testament to German engineering, according to Xander.

That they hadn't been stopped - or, more realistically, chased for a while - by the police was also a miracle. Or the work of Willow's hacking. Perhaps both.

The trip had been nerve-wracking - the Slayer drove as if everyone had superhuman reflexes - though, Jim had to admit, it had had some good sides as well. Mainly that Claire had clung to him for the entire trip.

And they had arrived in Arcadia Oaks without having an accident.

"The next right, Buffy, there's the Arcadia Inn," Willow piped up.

"Alright. See? We've arrived with time to spare!" The Slayer smiled as she took the next turn, cutting off a sedan and ignoring the honking.

But as they parked, the engine whined for a moment, then stopped working.

"Uh…"

"Buffy? What happened?"

"It seems whatever spirit possessed the car has finally passed on to the afterlife."

"Giles! This isn't my fault! Xander said this was a marvel of engineering!"

"That doesn't mean it can travel at the speed of sound for hours!"

"Buffy wrecked another piece of technology. News at eleven!"

"Dawn! See if I ever let you drive!"

The girl scoffed. "It's a course at school! And who do you think Mom will let drive her? The girl who had a crash and just wrecked another car, or the girl who hasn't?"

"Neither was my fault!"

"Uh… guys? Shouldn't we do something about the smoke coming from the engine?"

"Oh, no!"

"I've got it!" Xander jumped out of the van, then ran to the engine. And more smoke rose when he opened the hood. If you could call it a hood when it wasn't an actual hood - Jim wasn't an expert on cars. Only on Vespas.

But he knew enough to know that an engine smoking like that - that wasn't just oil; that was plastic burning - wouldn't be easy to fix. Or quick.

"So…" He looked around as he got out of the van as well. "What now?"

"Now we shower, then we sneak into Toby's room, and then we go home," Claire stated.

"We need you to lead us to this 'Trollmarket'," the Slayer said. "Tonight."

"We'll sneak out once the parents think we're asleep," Jim said.

"Oh, right. Your parents don't know about your nightly activities." The Slayer shook her head.

"If they knew, we wouldn't have had to organise a cover story about developing pictures," Claire told her. Jim could tell that she was still angry. Well, she still hadn't had her staff returned.

"And they probably wouldn't let you risk your lives fighting trolls," Xander added.

Jim winced. Mom would… she'd freak out.

The Slayer sighed. "You need to tell your parents. Otherwise, they'll find out in the worst way possible. You'll come home and find your mom chatting with a monster."

Jim winced again.

The Slayer stared at him. "Seriously? You too?"

"My mom's…" He couldn't say, wouldn't say 'dating'. "She's friends with a teacher who's a changeling troll."

"An evil troll?" The Slayer frowned.

"Yes."

"And why is he still alive?"

"I can't kill him - he's magically bound to Mom. Whatever happens to him, happens to her," Jim blurted out.

"Dear Lord! That's a hideously evil spell."

Jim turned to the older man - Giles. "Do you know it?"

"I'm familiar with the basics, yes. I've never cast it, of course."

"Can you break it?"

"I… I don't know, actually." The man put a hand on his chin. "I would have to study several tomes to find out more about the details of the spell."

Jim started to smile. If this led to Mom being free of Strickler's spell, then it would all have been worth it!

Willow raised her hand. "I volunteer!"

"We're not in class, Willow."

"Ooops!"

"The engine's a write-off," Xander said. "Might as well sell it for scrap."

"So much for German engineering," the Slayer muttered. "And you?" She turned to Claire. "Do you have some new trollish neighbour? New pet with horns?"

Claire pressed her lips together.

The Slayer rolled her eyes. "Not you too. What is it?"

"Her baby brother was replaced by a Changeling. The changeling's working with us, but…" Jim shrugged.

The Slayer glanced at her sister. "I see. I'm sorry." She took a deep breath. "But you really should talk to your parents. It's not going to turn out well otherwise."

"My parents wouldn't understand what's at stake! They'd call the police, and that would just make things worse!" Claire blurted out. "They wouldn't let me out of the house if they knew! They can't know!"

"That's not exactly a bad thing," Xander cut in. "You're pretty young - far too young to risk your lives like that."

"Says the guy who started fighting vampires when he was younger than they are," Dawn said, scowling. "And without magic armour to protect him." She scoffed. "Is everyone here a hypocrite?"

Giles cleared his throat. "Well, those were… exceptional circumstances."

"Didn't you explain to the Council that without Willow and Xander, Buffy would've been killed several times?" Dawn shook her head. "You want to see Jim here get killed because his magic support is under house arrest? Or in the loony bin?"

Well, she has a point, Jim thought.


Staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, James Lake Jr. sighed. There was a bruise on his chin, which would only grow worse during the evening. Mom would want to know what had happened, and he'd have to lie about falling down or something. He didn't like lying to his mother. Almost as much as he didn't like being good at it. But he couldn't tell her the truth. That would cause a catastrophe.

Sighing, he opened the door to the hotel room. And froze.

Dawn was sitting on the bed, grinning at him. "Finally finished in the shower?"

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Waiting for you to finish, duh." Her grin didn't falter. "This is my room, after all. You're just borrowing it."

"But I locked the door!"

"It's not a very good lock."

Jim saw her eyes wander down to the towel around his hips and he blushed. "Uh…" he said. Her grin widened. He cleared his throat and went on: "Could you…?"

"Turn around? Of course!" She flipped on her side and looked at the wall. And at the mirror mounted there.

"That's…" She was the Slayer's little sister, Jim reminded himself. Throwing her out of the room - especially only wearing a towel - could only end very, very badly for him. On the other hand, staying in the same room with her, only wearing a towel, would also end very, very badly for him.

Then the door was opened, and Claire entered. "Jim, are you… Oh!"

She blushed.

Jim blushed harder.

"Didn't they teach you not to barge into someone else's room?"

And Dawn just killed Jim.

"What… what are you doing here?" Claire snapped.

"I was just showering, and she was on my bed. When I got out, I mean," Jim babbled.

Dawn giggled. "Relax, I'm not after your boyfriend. I'm just enjoying the view. And waiting for my own shower."

Jim used the distraction to grab his clothes - well, the clothes borrowed from Xander, since his own stank like a pothead's after sitting in the car for over an hour - and retreated back into the bathroom.

Two minutes later, he hadn't heard any screaming or sounds of fighting, so he opened the door and entered the room again. Claire and Dawn were glaring at each other. Well, Claire was - Dawn was smiling at him as soon as she noticed him.

He cleared his throat. "So, uh… thanks for taking our side in the discussion." Claire glared at him, but he tried to ignore that.

"Your side?"

"I mean about telling our parents," he explained.

"I only pointed out how sis and her friends are being hypocrites." Dawn scowled. "She goes out every night to risk her life and then freaks out when I want to go to a club? Screw her!" She stretched out on the bed. "Case in point: If she'd been able to take Spike with her, they'd leave me here with him while they go visit Trollland."

"Trollmarket," Claire corrected her.

"Anyway, you're my age, so you know all about stupid parents and other authority figures. And that telling them makes stuff worse."

Jim wasn't sure that he agreed - but telling Mom right now would make things worse for sure. And Claire didn't disagree, either. Well, he had met her parents. Her father would probably lock her up in her room to keep her safe. And her mom would summon the army. He nodded at her. "Well, thanks anyway."

"Except for almost killing our friend," Claire added.

Dawn grinned. "Almost only counts with hand grenades and horseshoe throwing."

"Did, uh, Spike tell you that?"

"No, Xander did." She shrugged. "He's alright when he's not going all "me protect you, rah-rah".

Jim had a vague notion what she meant and didn't want to ask to clarify. "Right. So, we have to go now, so we can be back home in time."

"To sneak out again." Dawn giggled. "See you later."

They left the room and headed to the stairs. Claire shook her head. "She's the Slayer's sister, alright."

Jim made an agreeing noise.

"But her advice doesn't help us. Unlike the Slayer and her friends, our parents aren't going out to hunt vampires," she went on. "If we tell them…"

Jim nodded. "Yes. We can't." But he couldn't help thinking that he was the Trollhunter until he died, but Claire and Toby could stop risking their lives anytime they chose to. Or were forced to.

And he felt guilty that he was hoping it would never come to that.


Even after a lengthy shower and new clothes, Buffy Summers was still smelling like a pothead. Not that there was anything wrong with smoking marihuana. Other than it being illegal, of course. But the smell! Almost as bad as the stench of cold cigarette smoke clinging to your clothes after a night of patrolling with a stupid vampire trailing you.

Sometimes, Slayer senses sucked.

"Does anyone else feel nostalgic?" Xander asked as they waited at a bus station. "Teenagers sneaking out of their room after curfew…"

"No," Dawn said, far too quickly.

"Not particularly, no," Giles said in the dry tone he sometimes used when he was too polite to tell you that he didn't care for your idea.

"Is it nostalgic if you remember, but don't feel a specific urge to do it again? Or a special fondness when remembering?" Willow asked.

"No," Buffy told Xander.

He sighed. "Well, I tried. So… Trollmarket? Anyone else getting Lord of the Rings vibes from this?"

"According to Council scholars, Tolkien wasn't familiar with actual trolls or goblins when he wrote his works," Giles said. "Although he was aware of the general lore and myths surrounding them."

"Could they sue his estate for slander?" Xander asked with a grin. "For making them the evil bad guy's minions?"

"I doubt that." Giles wasn't amused. Buffy could tell.

And so could Xander. Sighing, he asked: "So, what can we expect from those trolls? They don't live under bridges, right?"

"Apart from the, ah, biological facts such as their stone-like biology and that they turn into stone, and fatally so, when in sunlight, not much is known about trolls. Their appearance is said to have a lot of variation, though it's generally humanoid."

That sounded good. Buffy didn't want to make nice with some icky giant stone spiders or whatever.

"And culturally? We don't want to offend them accidentally," Willow asked. "Or willfully," she added.

"Based on what I recall and made a few notes about on the way here despite your best efforts to distract me, they have a warrior-like culture, though that could've changed since the time of Merlin," Gillies said.

"We distracted you?" Dawn said. "What did I do?"

"It wasn't anything specific. Just your usual, ah, antics," Giles replied.

"Focus," Buffy cut on before her sister could derail the whole info-dumping with her whining need for attention. "Any taboos we don't want to violate?"

"We should've asked Claire and Jim about this," Willow said.

Buffy shook her head. "We can't trust them. And revealing what we know about them would grant them an advantage."

"I think they already know that we don't know anything about trolls," Xander said. "Seeing as we didn't even know who the Trollhunter was."

"They don't know how much we don't know," Buffy retorted. "Besides, loose lips sink ships." She blinked. "Does that mean that loose lips destroy relationships? I guess kissing others would be like cheating…"

"It's a saying from the war," Giles explained, "To caution people not to talk about secrets, such as convoy routes for ships."

"Ah!" Buffy nodded. That made more sense than relationships. Kind of - both kissing others and gossiping could run a relationship as well, couldn't it?

"So, we know that we don't know, and they don't know how much we don't know?" Xander asked with a grin.

Giles sighed.

"And there's nothing else we know?" Willow asked,

"Unfortunately, no." Giles shook his head. "The main library of the Council should have more information, but my personal library doesn't contain many books on trolls. It also wasn't a topic of great interest when I studied."

Buffy snorted - as if Giles had ever stopped studying!

"Well, the internet is full of trolls and how to handle them," Xander said.

Buffy glared at him. "Not funny."

Dawn chuckled, of course. And ignored her glare.

Buffy sighed. Not again. "Let's hope the kids arrive soon."

"Kids?" Dawn snorted. "You sound like Mom."

"I do not!" Oh, the brat!

"You do!"

"Children…"

Buffy glared at Giles, but she couldn't tell him off for confirming that she wasn't old. "We've been doing this for years," she said. And they were out of school.

"We don't know how long Claire, Jim and Toby have been doing this," Willow pointed out. "Though I could check their records and see if they show a suspicious change in behaviour at school…"

"Bad Willow! No hacking to satisfy your curiosity!" Xander said.

"But it could be important information. What if they have years of experience as well?"

"They should've been more competent in that case," Buffy said. "And if the troll amulet chose Jim when he wasn't even a teenager, then we'll have words."

"Words?" Willow asked.

"Words emphasised with violence,"

Buffy didn't like the whole sending children to war thing here.

And Dawn rolled her eyes again. "How mature of you, Buffy!"


James Lake Jr. waited outside Claire's house and tried not to fidget. Mom hadn't suspected a thing when he had returned in borrowed clothes - she hadn't even noticed, tired as she was from her shift at the hospital. He had told her the story they had made up, about Toby having a minor accident, while he made a quick dinner, but he wasn't sure if she'd really listened, other than asking if he was OK.

Which… wasn't really out of the ordinary, Jim had to admit. Mom being tired from work happened before and didn't have to be tied to the curse on her. He still worried, of course.

Just as he worried for Claire. Her parents weren't working on the weekend and wouldn't be as tired or distracted. And without her staff - the Slayer's friends still hadn't given it back - she couldn't easily portal out of her room. Nor did she have magic armour to protect her in case of a troll, goblin or Stalkling attack. Or if Angor Rot found her.

He looked around. Still no sign of an enemy. Or their supposed allies from the Slayer's circle. But where was Claire? The lights had gone out on the living room ten minutes ago; shouldn't that mean her parents were asleep by now? Right, not exhausted from twelve-hour shifts in the hospital.

"Jim?"

He looked up. Claire had opened the window and was looking down at him. Just like in the play, he realised - and had to suppress the urge to serenade her. Or something.

"Claire!" he whispered back.

She smiled, then climbed out of the window. She lowered herself down before jumping and landed gracefully on the lawn.

"Are you OK?" he asked anyway.

"Yes. Let's go!"

They quickly went around the corner, where Jim had parked his Vespa.

"How's Toby doing?"

"He woke up. He's grumpy that he can't be with us when our visitors visit Trollmarket," Jim told her as he handed her the second helmet before dismissing his armour and sword - the police took a dim view on armour in traffic.

And he liked feeling Claire's arms around his waist and her hugging him from behind while they drove.

"He had surgery! He almost died!" Claire hissed.

"You know him."

She huffed at that. "And that's all the fault of that girl."

"Well, she thought we were demons trying to eat people," Jim pointed out as they took the next corner on their way to the hotel.

"She should still apologise," Claire said.

Jim made an agreeing noise, though he was more than a little torn about this. Toby was his best friend, but Dawn had just tried to defend herself and her friends. And Claire was more than a little mad about the whole thing. "Well, AAARRRGGHH! is taking care of him," Jim said. "So he'll be fine in a few days, tops." He had to be, or school would get complicated. If they needed to get a doctor's waiver for PE, they might ask about the fresh scar from surgery. Mom certainly would ask.

"He will," Claire said, and he felt her hug him a little harder.

Smiling, he almost missed the turn to the hotel's parking lot. He didn't miss the green portal in the middle of it, though. Immediately, he brought the Vespa to a stop and dismounted.

"For the glory of Merlin, Daylight is mine to command!"

Claire stepped up next to him.

"Claire."

"It's a portal. I know about portals."

But she didn't have her staff, Jim knew. "Stay back, though - I'm taking a closer look." He moved forward, hoping that she wouldn't follow him.

The portal looked like one of Claire's, only green. Bright green. A least from this angle. Jim had to move a little further to look through the portal. Clenching his teeth and hefting his sword, he stepped around it, and…

...looked through the portal at a grinning Dawn.

"See? It works!" He saw her eyes widen. "Oh! Hi, Jim!"

"Dawn, put it down!" That was the Slayer behind her.

"But I can use it!"

"That doesn't mean you should use it," the Slayer shot back.

"What? You're using my staff?" Claire had followed Jim and was glaring at the girl.

"No one else was using it," Dawn shot back. "And I can use it!"

"Give it back! The portals aren't supposed to be green!" Claire stepped up to the portal, and, for a moment, Jim was afraid she would try to grab the staff through it - and who knew what would happen if that closed her portal with her halfway in it and out of it.

Then Claire stepped through the portal, and Jim quickly jumped after her.


Sometimes, Buffy Summers could kill her little sister. This was one of these times. "Dawn! Put the staff down! You don't know what…"

And the Trollhunter and his friend stepped through the portal - into an already crowded hotel room. Great.

"Give me my staff!" the girl demanded.

"What? No! Only after we reach Trollmarket!" Dawn retorted. "That was the deal! Besides, it likes me!"

"Technically, we didn't have a deal, though it was certainly implied that we would return the staff once we talked to the trolls," Willow said.

That didn't help their relations with the locals, Buffy would bet. Yep, witch-girl was fuming, and the Trollhunter was frowning - and the guy was usually quite easy-going. Unlike most others, he hadn't been ready to murder Dawn for her song choices during the road trip here, and if that wasn't easy-going, then nothing was.

"It likes you? You think I'm stupid? It's my staff. I won it from Angor Rot!"

"But it likes me - I can use it easily. Even Willow had trouble getting it to work!" Dawn retorted.

Wait. Buffy turned to frown at Willow. Her Bestie was looking quite guilty. "Willow! We agreed: No messing with the potentially dangerous artefact!"

"I wasn't messing around," Willow tried to defend herself. "I was just checking how it works to keep it safe."

Yes, she had been messing around with the staff. But then, why hadn't she managed to get it to work? Buffy suddenly had a sinking feeling in her stomach. "Uh, Willow… You didn't get it to work. But Dawn did."

"Yes?"

"Yes!"

"I don't care - it's my staff."

The witch girl really needed to chill and stop being so possessive about some magical items, in Buffy's opinion. But she had bigger problems to worry about. A portal staff, working for the key that the skanky demon goddess needed to go home. "What are the odds that Glory felt this?"

Willow paled. And Giles - Buffy checked with a glance - was polishing his glasses. Even Xander grimaced.

Jim and Claire, and, of course, Dawn, looked confused. "Why would she notice this? We aren't in Sunnydale, and Claire used the staff before. Didn't you?" Dawn asked.

"I've been using it for some time. Training with it," Claire said.

"See? No problem."

"But the portals weren't green," the Trollhunter pointed out.

"I didn't do that!" Dawn blurted out the same way she always did when she had done something. "That was the staff's fault!"

"It wasn't! It never did that for me - or for Angor Rot!" the girl retorted.

"Well, perhaps you didn't know how to do it?" Dawn replied. With a huff.

"And you do?" Claire narrowed her eyes at her.

"I told you: the staff likes me."

"That's ridiculous! The staff isn't a sentient item; we checked," Claire said.

The Trollhunter nodded in agreement, Buffy noticed.

But… "Wait! You have sentient items?" Buffy looked at her hammer. "Hi?"

Why was everyone staring at her like she had gone crazy? Better safe than sorry! It wouldn't do to insult her hammer by accident.

"My sister, the Slayer." Dawn shook her head. "Anyway, portals are safe."

"Uh…" Willow bit her lower lip. "We don't know that. You really shouldn't use the staff, Dawn. If Glory's feeling this…"

"Why should she feel this? She didn't feel Claire's portals before!" Dawn frowned at them. "Why are you guys acting so weird? Just because I opened a portal?"

Damn. Buffy knew that tone. Dawn was onto something, Onto them. "It's not normal for the staff to do that. I mean, green portals," Buffy told her. "Hand it over to Claire so we can go to Trollmarket."

"Wait! Do you seriously think that monster might have felt this? And might come to Arcadia Oaks?" The Trollhunter looked… worried in that kind of 'I'm going to slay something' way. At least as far as Buffy could tell. Well, she'd feel the same if she was in his place.

"We don't know that," Willow said. "But we don't not know that, either."

"That's why one generally shouldn't experiment with unknown magic," Giles commented.

Willow had the grace to blush.

"It's not unknown, and I wasn't experimenting!" Dawn, of course, didn't. "It's easy to handle."

And Claire looked mad. "Hand it over! We need to talk about this with Blinky!"

"Hand it over, Dawn." Buffy glared at her sister.

For a moment, Dawn looked so mulish, Buffy was half-afraid that she would try to open a portal to elsewhere and run. But she pouted and handed the staff over - to Buffy. By throwing it at her.

Buffy easily caught the staff, of course, and handed it over to Claire before the girl went off the rails. "Here!"

Everyone except for Dawn ignored Xander's 'my precious' comment when Claire cradled the staff to her chest for a moment.

"Uh, thanks," Jim said.

"No problem," Buffy lied.

"But we still have to talk about this… Glory," the Trollhunter went on.

"And why she would feel my portals, and not Claire's," Dawn added, narrowing her eyes at Buffy.

Damn.


Claire had her staff back. That was a very good thing in James Lake Jr.'s book - ever since she'd lost it, she'd been quite different from her usual self. He wouldn't have called it obsessed, but… Claire had been nursing a grudge. And quite stubbornly at that.

Now, though… He glanced at her, seeing her smile as she held the staff, and couldn't help smiling as well. She was happy.

Jim didn't want to know what Claire would've done if she'd lost the staff for longer than a few hours - or permanently. Would she have asked for a replacement magic weapon, like Toby's fiery hammer? That wouldn't have been too bad, actually. Even though he'd worry even more about her if she couldn't get away from danger by stepping through a portal - or by making the threat falling through a portal.

Well, that wasn't a problem now. Or a concern. Things could go back to normal.

"We don't have time to discuss magicky stuff. We have an appointment with Blinky the troll Giles, and we don't want to be late!"

Oh, right. Jim set his jaw at the Slayer's words. They were to take the woman and her friends to Trollmarket. So much for normal. "Blinky will understand if we're late," he told her. "And it's not late for him."

"Right, like vamps, this is closer to noon for him." The Slayer nodded.

Jim didn't like the comparison - vampires were demons; trolls were people, and it was important for the Slayer to keep that in mind - but she was correct with regards to troll time.

"I can open a portal to Blinky's study," Claire said.

Jim stared at her. Was she strong enough to do that? After she had nearly exhausted herself today already? The trip had allowed her to rest, but…

"I think we've had enough portals," the Slayer said. "Not that I don't trust you - well, mostly - but we don't know if Dawn broke anything when she played with the staff, and we really don't want to risk catching Glory's attention."

Claire narrowed her eyes. "I'll have to test the staff anyway."

"But perhaps not right now?" Willow cut in. "Best do it away from Arcadia Oaks, just in case that Glory can sense it."

"That's an excellent idea," Mr Giles said. "If Glorificus can sense the staff, this might lure her away from the general population."

"I volunteer to play bait!" Dawn said.

"No!" "No!"

Claire and Buffy glared at the girl, then at each other. Xander shook his head, and Mr Giles sighed and polished his glasses once more. Jim bit his lower lip - this wasn't the time to ask if he needed tips about keeping glass clean.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," Willow said.

"Why not?" Dawn pouted. "It wouldn't be dangerous - I just open a few portals, then we book it."

"And keep the location under observation to check if Glory shows up. Maybe leave some mock-up giant key?" Xander suggested.

The Slayer scowled at him. "Have you seen how fast she is? She might be able to run there in no time. Or teleport."

"But she didn't do that right now, when Dawn was using the staff," Willow pointed out. "Unless she's on the way."

"Right. Let's not hang around and find out," the Slayer said. "Everyone, let's go! We're going to visit the trolls!"

"At least these trolls don't live under bridges," Xander said with a chuckle.

Jim looked at Claire and cleared his throat. "Well…"

"What? Really?" The Slayer stared at him. "How more cliché can you get?"

"Well, most of the 'clichés', as you call them, are based on myth and lore, which in turn are based on facts in many cases, if slightly distorted, when it comes to the supernatural," Mr Giles told her. "Although I don't know how many trolls would've been literally living under a bridge in ancient times."

"They're not living under a bridge," Jim corrected them. "But the entrance to Trollmarket is under a bridge."

"Ah. That makes sense. You wouldn't want to catch a terminal case of sunburn if you forgot the time before you left for grocery shopping." Xander nodded.

Jim frowned. Making jokes about trolls dying in sunlight? That was how his predecessor had died. And right next to a bridge.

"Dying in sunlight isn't funny," Claire told the young man. "Our friends face that danger far too often."

"Well, it's funny if it's vampires," Xander retorted. "The way their eyes widen right before they catch fire…"

"You're friends with a vampire!" Claire said.

"Friends? Spike isn't a friend. He's more like a…" Xander trailed off.

"Troublesome acquaintance who won't take a hint and leave?" the Slayer suggested.

"An ally of convenience who might turn on us in a heartbeat, should his personal circumstances change?" Mr Giles suggested.

"Don't diss Spike!" Dawn protested.

"You don't know him like we do," Willow said.

"I know him better than any of you!"

"No, you don't!"

"You're just jealous!"

"Jealous? What the… That's ridiculous!"

"Dawn! Really!" Mr Giles was polishing his glasses again.

Dawn scoffed. "Spike's alright."

"No, he isn't! He eats Weetabix with blood! Weetabix!" Buffy scowled and crossed her arms.

"Uh… are you objecting to him eating blood or Weetabix? Cause I can't tell," Willow asked.

"Weetabix is a traditional British breakfast food," Mr Giles said. "Though soaking it in blood…" He shook his head.

Jim felt like shaking his head as well. He exchanged a glance with Claire - she looked as shocked as he was at the antics of the Slayer and her friends.

And they were about to introduce them to Trollmarket? Whose idea had that been again?

Right, the Slayer had insisted on seeing the trolls for herself.


"So, this is the bridge under which the trolls live?" Buffy Summers asked, looking around. It was mostly concrete, spanning a concrete ditch, not even a real river. No ancient, moss-covered stone arches here. What a letdown.

"This is the entrance," Jim told her. "The trolls don't live under the bridge."

"As we already told you," Claire added - the girl was still bitchy even though she got her staff back.

"Well, the trolls live underground, right?" Xander asked.

"Yes."

"Then, technically, they do live under a bridge…" Xander grinned.

Buffy snorted. Mostly at the teenagers' expressions - Xander's comment wasn't that funny.

"Well, where's the magic portal? Or is this some lame-o secret door?" Dawn asked, looking around with a pout.

"It's here. And it's magic," Jim replied. "But, before we open it, we need to tell you a few things."

"More things?" Buffy complained. "This is starting to feel like a school trip."

"Isn't it a little late?" Willow added. "We had two hours to discuss everything!"

"What are we discussing? Stuff like not feeding the trolls?" Xander asked. "'Cause, you know, you learn that in Computer Class these days."

"You should've learned it, at least," Willow told him.

"I did! When I'm riling up trolls, I'm not doing it out of ignorance!" he protested.

"Of course you'd say that!"

"Well, it's true!"

"Children!" Uh-oh. Giles sounded annoyed. "Could we please focus upon the undoubtedly important instructions about troll culture and customs before we start our meeting with another culture by insulting them inadvertently?"

"So, we are planning to insult them?" Xander cocked his head and smiled. "Good to know!"

"Xander, this isn't the time to crack bad jokes. We're facing a very delicate meeting that could spell doom for us - or for our enemies." Giles stared at him. "Please remember that our hosts aren't used to your juvenile antics."

"Sorry, G-Man." Xander didn't sound sorry, but he didn't push further, so he probably was a little sorry, Buffy thought.

"So…" Willow beamed at Jim. "What do we have to know about trolls? Are there taboos? Customs with regards to greetings? Rituals? Dress codes?"

"Dress codes?" Buffy asked. "No one told me about dress codes!" One of the best things - well, one of the only not so bad things - of Sunnydale High had been the very lax dress code for students. You could dress fashionably and didn't have to wear some dumpy frumpy nun's habit. If the trolls had some issues with human fashion…

"There aren't any dress codes," Claire said. "If there were, then we would've mentioned them before we arrived at the entrance so you could change."

That sounded logical. Then again, people weren't very logical. And 'forgetting' to mention that trolls had some aversion to nice shoes was exactly the kind of petty revenge some teenagers liked. Although Jim hadn't struck her as the type to do that, and Claire didn't seem to be so petty, either. Though she did seem to nurse a grudge.

"So, what do we have to watch out for, then?" Buffy asked. "I don't have to bow and scrape to trolls, do I? Cause I don't do well at that, just you know." Slayers weren't made for grovelling. Unless it involved getting shoes destroyed while patrolling reimbursed. The ends justified the means when it was about shoes, after all.

"Well, remember that trolls aren't used to humans," Jim said.

"That must have been fun for you," Dawn commented.

"Uh… well, they've grown used to my friends and me." Jim shrugged. "Most of them."

"Used enough to make you deliver package like a postman," Claire added with a snort.

"Seriously?" Buffy stared at the Trollhunter. "You're their gopher?" She glanced at Giles; her Watcher better not get any ideas about making her fetch him coffee. Well, he didn't drink coffee, and he hadn't let her make tea ever since she had tried to brew some last time, but it was the principle of the thing!

"I'm the Trollhunter," Jim said. "I do protect trolls and help them. Occasionally, that includes hunting down gnomes infesting a shop or transporting dangerous magical artefacts." He glanced at Claire, who blushed a little in return.

There was a story there, but this probably wasn't the time to dig. "So, if you say 'not used', what does that mean? Lynch mobs? Paparazzi?" Buffy asked.

"No, no. Just… muttering and glares. Probably some protests by Vendel. And some complaints about bringing more humans into Trollmarket." Jim shrugged. "Stuff like that."

"So, don't go all 'Rah Rah Slayer Smash!' on them," Dawn said.

Buffy glared at her. As if she would slay someone for mouthing off! If she would, then Dawn would've been slain long ago!

"Is that all? Xenophobia isn't exactly unexpected, especially from a culture hiding from the world," Willow said.

"Well, it's mostly that," Jim said. "Trolls are people - just act normally."

"And don't eat their food," Claire added. "Trolls can eat things that would poison humans."

Jim nodded. "And if they're eating meat, it's probably cat."

One thing trolls had in common with demons, Buffy knew. "So… don't act like American tourists, got it."

"That's… actually a quite succinct summary," Giles said.

Buffy beamed at him. "And if anything goes wrong, just beat them up, don't slay them."

"If anything goes wrong, let me handle it," Jim told her. "I'm the Trollhunter. You're outsiders."

"We don't want you to start a war," Claire commented.

"We don't start wars - we finish them," Buffy told her.

"Well, except for the war against demons," Willow said, completely ruining Buffy's line. "That one the Slayer kind of started and hasn't finished yet."

"You know what I mean." Buffy pouted.

"We do. I think we do, at least," Xander said.

Giles sighed.

Jim and Claire exchanged another glance, then Jim sighed and touched the wall in front of them.

And a magic door appeared.

Neat!