Chapter 27: The Suspicion

Trollmarket, January 21st, 2017

Travelling by Gyre still felt like an hours-long rollercoaster ride on the second go around. It was great! Buffy Summers was grinning widely when she stepped onto the platform in the troll village. Sometimes, being the Slayer had some nice perks. Like eating what you wanted without growing fat, superhuman grace and strength without having to exercise like a loon, healing wounds in days instead of weeks, skin that rarely scarred and showed no blemishes… Alright, being the Slayer had a lot of perks. It didn't quite make up for the whole 'destined to die fighting' stuff, but it was nice to have.

"And this is Trollmarket, Master Merlin. Well, the Gyre station of our settlement. The actual village is right behind the door."

Merlin grumbled something unintelligible instead of making a biting remark about something being obvious, so he was either tired out from the trip - Giles still looked shaken - or warming up to them. Buffy bet on the former.

She glanced at Jim, who had been, as far as she could tell, uncharacteristically silent during their journey back, and slowed down a little, letting Blinky, Merlin and Giles pull ahead. "Hey."

He frowned and looked at her. "Yes?"

"What's eating you? Merlin's proclamation about Claire?"

His frown deepened. Well, it might have been obvious, but better ask than assume, or so she had learned. That time she had thought she knew what was bothering Xander…

"She's not Morgana. Or possessed."

Willow nodded, joining them. "Well, the latter should be easy to check. And if she's the former, wouldn't that mean she lived years as Claire? Then she'd still be Claire as Morgana since you never knew another Claire."

Buffy winced. Willow wanted to be supportive, but this wasn't exactly helping.

"Claire isn't Morgana!" Jim snapped. "I'm not dating a thousand-year-old sorceress!"

Buffy started to nod, then frowned. Was that ageist? There wasn't anything wrong with dating an older partner. Angel had been… alright, in hindsight, he hadn't been a good boyfriend, even without the turning-into-a-mass-murderer-if-we-have-sex thing, or the vampire thing, but his age hadn't been an issue. It wasn't as if Mr 'Destiny wants me to leave you' had been particularly mature about the whole thing.

"Well, you might just not have realised it," Willow went on with all the helpful tone-deafness of a… Well, Buffy couldn't think of an example.

"Willow," she hissed. "Claire isn't Morgana. If she were, she'd have killed everyone already. Probably by stranding us in the Shadow Dimension or something." That would've removed the Key from Glory as well, as soon as Dawn died. Which she wouldn't. Buffy would protect. She would slay the damn skanky hell-goddess and save the world or die trying. As usual.

"Oh…" Willow blushed as she bit her lower lip. "I'm sorry, I just…"

Jim sighed. "Thanks," he said, in a tone that meant 'don't help me!' - Buffy was very familiar with that tone; Dawn used it a lot.

They reached Trollmarket, and Buffy could hear the whispers about 'another human' start up. It's like those trolls had never seen a human before.

But before they caught up to the others, the whispers had turned into gasps and 'Merlin!'-s. "Apparently, they've recognised him."

"Well, many of the trolls were alive at the battle of Killahead Bridge," Willow pointed out.

"Master Wizard!" And there came the troll mayor. "We assumed you had perished."

"I almost did," Merlin replied. "Vendel, was it?"

"Yes." The troll mayor turned to glare at Blinky. "Blinkous once more seemed to have presented us with a fait accompli."

"Vendel!" Blinky protested. "I had no idea that we would find Merlin's tomb - and the master wizard alive! We've travelled to find a weapon for the Slayer."

"And we did find it!" Buffy raised the Scythe to the sky. Or ceiling, in this case. "The Slayer Scythe!" Once more, the blade sang, even though no one except for her could hear it. She could feel the blade's power. Its desire to… Oh. She clenched her teeth and tried not to wince as she lowered the Scythe. She'd have to ask Giles later how to teach an ancient weapon that trolls weren't demons. Having to struggle not to go all Slayer every time she was surrounded by unfamiliar trolls would be a hassle. Even - or especially - if they didn't look very impressed by the blade. This was the legendary weapon of the Slayer!

"I had been asked to guard it for its guardians," Merlin explained. "And this group saw fit to disturb my healing sleep after they recovered the blade."

"We didn't know you were alive," Jim protested.

"So you were set to disturb my eternal rest instead?" Merlin's bushy eyebrows rose.

"No! We didn't even know you were there," Jim went on.

"Blinkous and the Trollhunters have shown a tendency to stumble into situations," Vendel said.

Merlin nodded. "So I gathered. In any case, I have woken from my trance - fortunately, I had already recovered sufficiently to survive the experience."

"Well, you could've taken more or better precautions against being disturbed," Willow said. "And I don't mean deadly traps that the Trollhunter can pass without noticing but, like - a manual? A warning? Some information taped to the door? How could we have known what we were doing without sufficient information?"

Buffy nodded.

"Cautious people - such as experienced wizards or Trollhunters - shouldn't have assumed that they knew enough to proceed with their exploration of the unknown." Merlin sniffed. "But what is done is done. We need to focus on preventing this from repeating itself - and on stopping Glorificus's attempt to destroy the world, of course. Now, how can we contact your 'girlfriend', Trollhunter?"


James Lake Jr clenched his teeth and took a deep breath. He wouldn't lose his temper over that dig. "We texted her before we took the Gyre," he said - and grinned when Merlin looked confused for a moment. "She'll be opening a portal to Blinky's home in…" He checked his watch. "...ten minutes." He lost his grin quickly, though, remembering that they hadn't warned Claire about Merlin's presence - which included his suspicions. He should've wanted her, but… He buried that thought. Claire wasn't influenced by Morgana.

"Texting is a method of communicating by sending electronic text messages over the cell phone network," Willow explained with a wide and - in Jim's opinion - quite gloating smile. "It's not magic," she added.

"What is a cell phone network?" Merlin asked.

"Oh, I'm happy you asked!" While Willow began to explain electronic communications, starting with telephones and the Internet, they walked to Blinky's home, Vendel tagging along.

"So, do you now have the weapons to deal with Glorificus?" he asked Blinky.

"Ah... We have more powerful weapons with divine characteristics," Blinky told him. "We still have to test if they are sufficiently powerful to hurt and possibly kill the hell-goddess. We are optimistic, however. And, of course, Merlin's return is a huge boon as well."

"Do not expect me to single-handedly deal with Glorificus. The hell-god would've been a challenge for me at my peak, and now that my magic has been drained to heal my wounds, I can only assist you with my experience and advice. This will remain so for the foreseeable future, with my ritual disturbed by interlopers." Merlin turned towards them while Willow stopped talking and pouted.

"Hey! We didn't know that you were there! Besides that, what if Glorificus destroys the world while you're asleep?" the Slayer protested.

That was a very good question, in Jim's opinion. He wouldn't let Merlin blame him for waking up without his magic powers. Not if the alternative would've been not waking up at all. Although… "Can you make more magic armour?" he asked.

"Is the Amulet of Daylight - enhanced by all three Triumbic Stones - not enough for you?" The wizard raised his eyebrows.

"I mean for my friends," Jim explained. "They only have magic weapons, no armour."

"I assume you count your girlfriend amongst your friends." Merlin's lips twisted into a faint sneer.

"Yes," Jim replied through clenched teeth. "Once you realise that she's not Morgana or Morgana's pawn. So, can you craft magic armour, or are you too weak for that as well?"

"Crafting armour doesn't require as much power as battling a hell-god, so it would be an effective use of my magic." Merlin turned away and continued walking.

That wasn't an agreement. But it wasn't a refusal, either.

"Wow, that's the worst 'you have a good idea' line I've heard in a while," the Slayer whispered.

Jim nodded.

And Willow went on. "So, after the Internet took off in the nineties, mobile phones started to become affordable and popular, and Nokia launched the Communicator - a phone that couldn't just make calls, but also use electronic communication beyond texting. It still took a few more years until…"

Was that a groan from Merlin? Jim glanced at the Slayer to check. She was giggling. So, yes, it probably was a groan.

They entered Blinky's home almost right on time.

"...and that's why mobile phones are also called cell phones."

"Fascinating," Merlin said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "So the ruler of the land has now the means to track all their subjects no matter where they are?"

"Citizens!" Willow corrected him. "And only as far as to the cell the phone connects to. Although you can narrow that down further if you use a few more networks, so…"

A green portal opened in the middle of the room, cutting off the witch - and making Merlin gasp. "Shadow magic," Jim heard him whisper.

"Jim?"

Claire! He stepped forward as Claire appeared in the portal and embraced her. "We're back," he stated the obvious. "And we've brought Merlin."

"Merlin? But…" Claire's eyes widened.

"Alive and well, despite the efforts of Morgana as well as those of a few unwitting nosy children and their lax guardians." Merlin walked towards them, narrowing his eyes at Claire.

Claire frowned back. "Nosy children?"

"He means us," Jim told her.

"Merlin's mad that we woke him up before Glory could kill him in his sleep."

"I am quite justifiably irked that it was sheer luck that you didn't arrive at a time when waking me up would've been fatal," the wizard retorted. "Although the fact that if not for the coincidental presence of the Trollhunter, they would've all died a brutal death in my workshop seems to be ignored by everyone involved, possibly in an effort to not ponder the aforementioned close brush with death and its ramifications."

"Jim! You almost died?" Claire gasped.

"No, I was perfectly safe," he corrected her.

"We almost died - or so Merlin claims. Since he's a little out of synch with modern life, we'll probably never know if we could've handled his centuries-old traps or not," the Slayer commented. "So, let's go through before Dawn complains about missing Instagram for longer than a minute."

Jim released Claire and nodded. As he stepped to the side, together with her, to let the others through, she whispered. "Has he been like this for the whole trip?"

"I think it's his normal mood," Jim whispered back.

Claire frowned in that cute, pouty way of hers, then firmly nodded. "Well, that won't fly here!"

As soon as everyone was inside the Shadow Realm, Claire raised her staff, and the portal disappeared, being replaced by a tiny one leading to a spot near a cell tower. "That should shut up Dawn," she said.

"I take it Dawn is relying on her phone?" Merlin - who hadn't left them out of his eyes - commented. Apparently, he had grasped the basic concept of cell phones. Jim reminded himself that ignorant didn't mean stupid.

"Most people do," Claire told him.

"And how many use them for anything other than gossip?"

"People use them for everything," Claire told him. "For work, for reading, for taking pictures, listening to music, watching TV - and to talk to and text friends."

Something, Jim knew, Willow had mentioned already.

"And if they lose their phone, they lose their life - figuratively." Merlin shook his head.

"Only temporarily," the Slayer chimed in - she hadn't left for her family. "You can buy a new phone in every mall. It's not as if we're talking irreplaceable magic artefacts here."

"And they aren't too expensive, either - partially because everyone wants one." Willow was hanging around as well, Jim noticed - everyone was watching them, actually. Great.

"Usually, something everyone covets becomes scarce and expensive as a consequence," Merlin replied.

Willow grinned. "Let me introduce you to the wonderful world of mass manufacturing and robots. Well, it's not as wonderful for those making those phones, but it means that a huge number of things can be produced in, well, huge numbers."

"Fascinating, I'm certain. But we have a more urgent topic to discuss." Merlin turned towards Claire, cocking his head as he eyed her. "Mainly you, young woman."

Jim could hear a hint of sarcasm in the wizard's voice when he said the last part. Claire, though, straightened and met Merlin's eyes. "Me?"

"Yes. The staff you wield…"

Claire clutched the Shadow Staff with both hands in response. "I took it from Angor Rot!"

"An impressively brave deed - if you actually did it. But also an impressively stupid deed. None of your friends knew the slightest things about a wizard's staff."

"I know enough to use it," Claire retorted. "And I'm learning more every day."

"I've no doubt about that," Merlin said. "We all should learn something new every day, after all. But are you learning the right things?" He scoffed, turning it into a rhetorical question. "A wizard is tied to their staff. And this staff was made by Morgana. Forged with her magic. It is as much a part of her as her hand or eye - more, actually, since she lost a hand, but I digress."

Claire stared at him, then at the staff. "She can see through the staff? Wait! She isn't sealed away?"

"We're here to determine that."

"He thinks you're influenced by the evil witch who almost killed him," the Slayer added.

"What?"

Merlin glared at the Slayer, then turned back to Claire. "I find it rather… convenient… that you mastered the use of the staff so quickly to offer access to the Shadow Realm. Morgana's favourite realm."

"Claire's talented!" Jim told him.

"So you claim. We shall test this."

"'Test this'?" Claire asked, then looked at Jim.

He could only shrug helplessly in response. Merlin hadn't told them any details about what he was planning.

"A test of character."

"You're going to make her pull the staff out of a rock?" the Slayer blurted out. "Isn't that a cliché now? Arthur, me… now Claire. Or is that your signature move?"

Merlin scowled at her. "I have spells to judge a man. Leaving a weapon stuck in stone is merely a precaution to prevent theft."

"Really? I could so have lifted the entire rock with her in it!"

"I think you overestimate your strength. I chose the stone for the Scythe with the Slayer's power in mind."

"Can we leave that for later?" Claire asked. "What test of character?"

"He wants to test you for corruption by Morgana or her powers," Willow explained. "He doesn't trust Tara's aura reading."

"Which he totally should," the Slayer added. "Hey - we haven't tested him for corruption and general evilness, have we?"

They hadn't. But he was Merlin. Blinky and the other trolls had recognised him.

"I am Merlin. You were in my tomb."

"And you took a spell from Morgana, filling you with her magic or something." The Slayer shrugged. "Good enough of a reason, in my book, to check you for evilness." Without waiting for an answer, she yelled "Tara!" over her shoulder.

"This is ridiculous," Merlin complained as Tara joined them.

"This is mandatory!" the Slayer replied.

"It is certainly a good precaution," Mr Giles chimed in.

Blinky nodded, although somewhat reluctantly.

And Jim shifted a little. Just in case Merlin turned out to be possessed or something.

But Tara blinked, then stared at the wizard. "Your aura… you're hurt. W-w-weakened. N-not c-corrupted, but…"

"Oh, great," Merlin spat. "Reveal my weakness to a potential tool of Morgana? Did humanity stop using their brains in favour of those phones?"

"That's not an uncommon complaint amongst the older generation," Mr Giles said.

"Giles!"


Shadow Realm, January 21st, 2017

Buffy Summers glared at her Watcher. Just because he was a technophobe didn't mean it was wrong to use modern communications!

"I'm not a tool of Morgana!" Claire snapped.

"That remains to be determined," Merlin replied. He was tense now, Buffy noted - staff held tightly, feet apart in a not quite familiar stance. Probably some wizard style.

"And how?" the girl asked with narrowed eyes.

"Tara already read her aura," Willow pointed out. "And she read yours as well."

"And she's an expert in shadow magic?" Merlin scoffed. "Morgana is able to hide herself and her powers, working through the shadows."

"Literally?" Buffy asked, looking around. They were in the Shadow Realm, after all. And while she didn't trust the old geezer's paranoia, she couldn't exactly fight a whole dimension. What if a witch just had the shadows swallow the whole floating island?

"Both literally and figuratively," Merlin replied. "I trust you see the danger unwittingly using her staff created?"

"I took it - it's mine!" Claire retorted. "And I'm not under her control. Or influence!"

"Of course you'd say that." Merlin scoffed. "Now, will you submit to be tested?"

"What k-kind of t-test?" Tara asked. "B-because you d-didn't explain yet."

The wizard rolled his eyes. "Obviously, I will test her aura for Morgan's presence."

You say 'test' instead of 'examine'," Willow pointed out. "Words have meanings."

"And you're trying to avoid answering Tara's question," Buffy added with a frown. That sounded suspicious.

Jim and Claire were now standing so close together, they were almost touching, and both seemed ready to fight. Well, so was Buffy.

The wizard looked at every one of them, then scoffed again. "I will cast a spell. Should the witch be under Morgana's influence, the result will be obvious - and painful."

"What?" Jim blurted out, taking a step forward. "I won't let you…"

"Jim!" Claire put a hand on his arm. He turned to look at her. "He can cast his spell. I'm not under anyone's influence. I'll be fine!" She nodded curtly with a determined expression, then faced Merlin with a scowl.

The girl wasn't quite as confident as she claimed, though - Buffy could tell. She was clenching her teeth, and the way she tensed…

"Hand the staff over, child," Merlin told her. "It is part of Morgana, and my spell will react to its presence."

Claire looked at the old man for a moment with her lips pressed together, then turned and handed the staff to Jim with a huff. Then she straightened and faced Merlin again, squaring her shoulders.

Buffy held her breath. If Merlin was right and Claire was under Morgana's influence, what would she do? And what would Buffy do? Would a possessed girl let herself be hit by such a spell? Or was Merlin bluffing and hoping Claire would panic and reveal herself? He was weakened, after all, and such a trick seemed just like him.

Merlin scowled himself, then waved his staff, and green light shot out of the tip of it, striking Claire - and covering her in a shiny green glow.

And nothing happened. No screaming. No twitching. Well, Jim was twitching and probably cracking his teeth with the pressure he put on them - Buffy could hear the grinding. But Claire didn't move or make a sound, quietly meeting Merlin's eyes.

Seconds passed. Ten. Twenty. After half a minute, Merlin lowered his staff and harrumphed. "You seem to be free of her influence. For now."

The man was such a sore loser! Buffy shook her head. Some people just couldn't admit to being wrong.

Claire scoffed and held out her hand to Jim, who handed the staff back.

"We told you so," Willow said. "Tara's the best at reading auras."

"And how much experience does she have in dealing with centuries-old wizards?" Merlin shot back. "My apprentice spent longer assisting my work than you've been alive before he could even dream of earning his own staff." He turned to look at Claire. "Do not mistake your current state for being safe from Morgana. As long as you wield her staff, you are vulnerable to her magic."

"And you're free to test me any time!" Claire snapped. "I'm not under her control!" She nodded at Tara. "You can test me too."

"I only r-read auras," Tara replied. "I d-don't t-t-test people."

"Well, it's a sort of testing," Willow commented. "Just not in the painful magic spell way."

"Anyway," Buffy spoke up. "Now that we know we're not about to be blasted into the shadows by Claire… let's get something to eat. I'm starving! And I can smell a nice sauce!" Mrs Domzalski must have put up a huge pot. The woman knew how to feed Slayers.

"A meal wouldn't go amiss, I believe," Giles said. "And then we can plan our next steps."

"What's to plan?" Buffy asked. "We've got our shiny new weapons. Now we need to find Glory and see if we can cut her." And she was sure she could!

"When dealing with gods, hell-gods or others, it is advisable to plan ahead lest you wish to suffer a fate out of myth and legends," Merlin said.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Details, details. The core of the plan is simple: We cut her up. Or down."

That worked, after all.


James Lake Jr smiled widely as the others returned to the campers. Claire wasn't possessed by an ancient witch! Just as he had known. And she wasn't Morgana either - Tara would've noticed that, too.

"You didn't mention that you found Merlin when you texted me."

Jim froze at Claire's comment. This was… damn! "Uh…" He bit his lower lip. What could he say? Should he lie? No.

Claire was frowning at him now. Damn! "Did you know that he thought I was under Morgana's influence?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

Damn again. What could he say? And he had to answer, and quickly. He took a deep breath. "He mentioned it, yes. He was convinced that you were being influenced by her through her staff. I couldn't convince him that this wasn't the case."

She looked at him for a moment. "But you didn't tell me when we texted."

He clenched his teeth. "No, I didn't." Better safe than sorry? That sounded cheap and stupid. "If he had been right…" He trailed off, fighting the urge to shrug.

"Then Morgana would've been warned." Claire slowly nodded.

Did she understand? Did she accept it? Or was she hurt? Both? "Sorry," he said in a low voice, hoping the Slayer had missed their talk.

"It's not your fault. If I had been possessed…" She trailed off, and he could see that she was staring at the staff. "But I'm not. And this is my staff. I took it from Angor Rot."

"Yes."

"Part of Morgana or not." She nodded again with a very determined expression.

"Yes."

After a moment, they started walking back to the campers. Jim almost wrapped his arm around her waist - after removing his armour - but didn't. That would've felt like… He didn't want to push things. She hadn't said that she didn't understand, but… it must have hurt her anyway. In her place, Jim would've felt hurt. Even though he did understand. He sighed. What a mess.

"What?"

Had he said that out loud? "The whole… thing. Merlin's alive. And cranky. And weakened, so he can't just blast or seal up Glory. And he seems more concerned with Morgana than Glory." After a moment, he added: "And he's a jerk."

Claire snorted. "Yes, he is. Arrogant, too."

"Yes." Of course, the man was ancient - literally ancient. At least a thousand years. And famous. Everyone knew his name. He had TV series and movies. Even Disney had used his name. Jim blinked. But Merlin didn't know that. He sighed again. "And the Slayer doesn't like him."

"I don't like him either," Claire stated as they reached the camp.

"I don't know if anyone likes him," Jim said. The others were standing in the centre of the camp, apparently introducing Merlin to the rest of their group.

"Yes, yes, I'm Merlin, court wizard of King Arthur. Apparently, the legends got that right. But whatever else you have heard is likely to be made up - this bunch certainly didn't know anything," the wizard said, nodding at the Slayer. "Which is remarkable since the resident troll actually lived in my time."

"Well, we didn't exactly travel in the same circles, not until the Battle of Killahead bridge…" Blinky said.

"Unless you faced Morgana, an event I would surely remember had it happened, we didn't travel in the same circles back then, either," Merlin cut him off. "I was woken from my slumber prematurely, so no, I cannot wave my staff and solve your problems with a spell. Not that I would do so if I could."

"We didn't ask you to!" Dawn blurted out.

"Oh? So I wasn't told about Glorificus in the hope of rendering assistance?"

"That's your problem, too," Willow said. "Since you live in this world as well. Unless you plan to change dimensions and leave your world to its fate. Which would be possible, I guess - if you had enough power to cast such spells. Which is doubtful."

"I do not think such bickering is helpful," Blinky spoke up. "We need to work together to defeat this threat to the world entire."

"Yes." Jim nodded. "We're facing a hell-goddess that shrugged off Daylight - my sword, not the, well, daylight." He frowned at his own lapse. "Anyway, we need to stick together. Work together."

He looked at the others. Most of them nodded, though the Slayer seemed to do grudgingly. And Spike just took another puff from his cigarette.

"This should be obvious. But if there's anything I've learned in my lifetime - apart from magic beyond the ken of others - it's that the obvious is seldom as obvious as it should be, at least to most people." Merlin, of course, had to comment himself. He looked around. "Now, where are my quarters? I wish to rest."

Jim blinked. That was…

"We can't put him up," Anya quickly said, grabbing Xander's arm. "Xander can't give me orgasms with someone else present."

"Anya!"

"What? It's true!"

"It's not something you just blurt out."

"But they need to know that we can't have him in our camper."

"Not it!" Dawn blurted out. "Buffy is bad enough; I don't need another jerk in my home."

"Dawn!"

"You are a jerk, and you know it."

"You brat!"

"Children!" Mrs Summers shook her head. "But they're right - we don't have space for you, Mr Merlin."

"Neither do we," Mrs Nuñez said.

And Strickler - who was hiding in his tent for now, Jim noticed, which was probably a smart decision - was out as well. A Changeling and Merlin in the same tent...

"Do we have to steal another camper? And who's going to explain all the modern appliances to him?" the Slayer asked.

"You can stay in our camper," Mrs Domalski said.

Toby looked horrified.


Buffy Summers winced in sympathy. Living in the same house with Merlin would be bad enough. In the same camper? The advertising lied. It wasn't a home on wheels - it was far too small; she might as well be living in the same room as Dawn. Especially with her Slayer senses. Not only did she hear every whispered curse from Dawn when she was chatting on the net, but her brat of a sister also didn't want to change her perfume, either, despite the fact that it made Buffy want to retch. And Mom was taking her side just because she couldn't smell it!

Well, better Toby than her, and Mrs Domzalski ought to be able to handle the cranky wizard. The old woman had lived through World War II, after all. In Poland. Buffy wasn't quite as good at history as Willow or Giles, but she knew what had happened in Poland. And why Mrs Domzalski knew so much about living in a campsite while hiding from and fighting evil monsters.

"Oh, man," Toby complained in a low voice, "this will be horrible!"

"Come on, Tobes - it's going to be OK. It's not going to be forever," Jim tried to reassure his friend, but Buffy could tell without looking that he wasn't very good at it.

Merlin, meanwhile, was looking at Mrs Domalski. "Very well. I require a room of my own."

"You can bunk with Toby-pie or sleep in the living room on the converted table," Mrs Domzalski said with the same warm smile she had been showing.

"I've slept centuries on a slab of stone; the table will do fine."

"It's not actually a table," Toby tried to explain. "We lower it and then pull the bed out from the bench…" he trailed off at a glance from the wizard.

"Spare me the details. I shall adapt, as I've always done."

"Now, now, don't be rude, Mr Merlin. Toby-pie was only trying to help you."

Mrs Domzalski was still smiling, but her eyes met the wizard's, and both stared at each other. Buffy could almost touch the tension. Touch it and cut it with her Scythe.

But Merlin sniffed and looked away, which was almost as good as seeing him admit defeat.

"If you need help adapting to modern times," Anya spoke up, "don't ask me. I'm still trying to figure out those weird new rules."

Merlin looked at her, cocking his head. "And where did they find you?"

"They didn't find me - I was summoned," Anya replied.

The wizard narrowed his eyes and moved his staff as Xander stepped in front of Anya. "And she's a perfectly normal human now!"

"'Now'?"

"I was a witch back in Sjomjost," Anya said, apparently not afraid or unaware of Merlin's intentions. "And then I was the most successful Vengeance Demon for a thousand years until one measly little mistake got me turned back into a human and stuck here."

"A very happy mistake," Xander said.

"Which was all your fault."

"Only indirectly, and I did take responsibility, didn't I?"

"I seduced you."

"Well, yes, but it's the afterthought that counts, right?" Xander grinned.

Merlin turned away. "Let's leave this pointless display of domestic dysfunctionality and let's head to my new temporary shelter."

"It's this one," Mrs Domzalski said. "And wipe your shoes before entering."

Buffy grinned at the way Merlin twitched just a little at that. "Well, that's settled," she said, turning to her friends. "So, who's up for some Scythe testing?"

"Uh… how are you going to test it? Not against Glory, are you?" Willow asked.

"No, no. I just want to cut things," Buffy explained, then blinked. "Wait! That came out wrong."

"My sister, the serial killer," Dawn muttered.

"Dawn!" Mom snapped. "That's no way to talk to your sister. Apologise!"

"I was just joking!"

"Apologise!"

Rolling her eyes, the brat sighed. "Sorry, Buffy, for joking about your brainfart."

Buffy glared at her, but the rest of her traitorous friends snickered. It hadn't been that bad! "Whatever. Let's go and see how many rocks I can cut into little rocks with her!"

"Oh my God! She's treating the weapon as a person," Dawn whispered. "This is going to be worse than Mr Gordo in kindergarten."

Buffy clenched her teeth. She had been six at the time - Dawn only knew about that because Mom had told her the story. And the stuffed pig had helped her through some trying times when Melissa Carter had stolen her best friend in kindergarten.

But she kept from snapping back at Dawn until she had reached the training area with Giles and the others.

"Didn't you test it in Merry Old England?" Spike asked.

"Her," Buffy corrected him. "And I wanted to, but Giles said we didn't have the time or the resources."

"I do not believe that leaving half a forest devastated would have been a smart course of action," her Watcher replied. "Not to mention environmentally friendly."

"Hey!" Buffy protested. "Old trees giving way to younger trees is the circle of life!"

"Is it?" Xander asked.

"You could say it," Willow replied. "Though Disney has much to answer for."

"Come on, guys," Buffy told them. "Less snarking, more cutting." She walked towards a particularly large rock and raised her Scythe.

It cut through the rock like a stake went through a vampire - there was almost no resistance.

"Whoa!"

"I dare say that this is more impressive than I expected."

"Cool!"

Buffy smiled. Glory would never know what cut her.


"Willow! Where do I put the potato salad?"

"On the buffet, Dawn."

"Yes, but where? Is it vegan or vegetarian? I know it's organic, but that's all."

"Ask Mrs Domzalski; she made it."

"She made it? Then it's vegetarian," Dawn stated. "At best."

"Better check for bacon bits."

"Good idea."

James Lake Jr chuckled as he checked the grill. One of the few good things that had come from having to hide in a campsite in the Shadow Dimension were the times everyone ate together. Like a pasta parade, where you had a huge buffet of pasta and sauces of all kinds. Or today's barbecue. Provided the grill was cooperating. Jim would have preferred a grill using propane, but everyone else had insisted on coal. And coal took its sweet time to heat up the grill.

"Ah… I think this is getting ready!"

Jim pressed his lips together. Mr Nuñez was wrong - the grill wasn't ready yet. Not nearly. And it should be obvious. But pointing that out would be rude. And Claire's parents already had a bad opinion of Jim. "We better give it some more time," he said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Jim said, nodding firmly.

Mr Nuñez looked at him for a moment before also nodding. "Well, you're the expert, I guess."

"Barbecues aren't my speciality," Jim replied at once. He wasn't going to claim he was an expert in barbecues. He could cook decently well, and that was about it. Though he did make a mean curry, according to both his friends and Mom's colleagues, who had tasted it at a potluck.

"But you're a great cook." Mr Nuñez leaned over, crouching down a little. "Better than Claire, or so I hear."

"It isn't a competition," Jim told the man, tensing up. Who had told him that? And why was he bringing it up now? Was that related to Jim's failure of warning Claire about Merlin's suspicion?

"Of course not! But the way Claire talks about your cooking, it's clear that you're a great cook."

"Ah." Claire talked about his cooking like that? Jim caught himself smiling stupidly. "I'm sure she exaggerates."

"No, no. And we've tasted your cooking before. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with a proper barbecue!"

"So am I," Jim lied. The last barbecue he had attended with the Nuñez… well, he didn't like to remember that particular embarrassment. "Though I'm more of a side-dishes guy when it comes to barbecues. I've made a marinade for chicken, based upon a Jamaican chicken recipe I have, but I can't tell yet how that will work out."

"I'm sure it'll be great!"

"So am I." No pressure there. None at all.

"Jim!"

He turned, almost glad for the distraction. "Yes, Dawn?"

"Where is the cow?"

"The cow?" Jim blinked. What did she mean? Oh. He rolled his eyes. "So you can tell Buffy she's having a cow?"

Dawn pouted. "Don't ruin the joke! But seriously, you know how much the bottomless pit eats. Do you have enough?"

"I heard that, Dawn!" the Slayer yelled from the other end of the camp. "Also, Jim, do you have enough?"

"I shopped!" Willow yelled from the buffet. Or stole, Jim thought.

"Great!"

Jim sighed.

"They're a lively bunch," Mr Nuñez said.

"You can say that you're glad Claire's not like us," Dawn told him.

Claire's father chuckled. "Oh, when Claire loses her temper, she's much louder!"

"What? Really?" Dawn echoes Jim's thoughts. "Wow."

That was… so, Jim had never seen her lose her temper… He frowned. Was that a good or a bad thing?

"Oh, yes. She gets her temper from my wife."

But Mrs Nuñez was always cool and controlled. Oh.

"I guess still waters run deep, right?" Dawn laughed. "So…"

"Jim! Dad!" Claire was walking towards them. "How much longer until we can put the meat on?"

"Wow. Talk about transparent," Dawn whispered next to Jim. "And insecure."

"A few more minutes," Jim told Claire after a glance at Dawn.

"Good." Claire stopped next to him and peered at the grill. "We're growing hungry. Tempers are rising."

"Oh, great. Buffy's already trying to eat raw burgers?"

"I heard that, Dawn!"

"I know!" Dawn yelled back. "Really. Imagine living like that 24/7! I don't have any privacy!"

"Well, the walls of a camper aren't really thick," Jim pointed out.

"Oh, yes," Claire said with a sigh.

Mr Nuñez didn't comment - he kept staring at the grill. Oh.

Jim blushed. "So... " He looked up. "How's the buffet doing?"

"We're done."

"Almost done."

Dawn and Claire glared at each other for a moment, then Dawn snorted. "I'll go check dessert."

Claire huffed as the other girl walked away.

"Jimbo! Claire!"

"Tobes?" Jim turned. Toby was walking towards them. "A few more minutes," he told him.

"What? Ah, good." Toby nodded absentmindedly. "Man, you have no idea how bad it's at home. Temporary home. Merlin and Nana…" He trailed off.

"What are they doing?" Jim asked. Did Merlin bother Toby's grandmother?

"They're… I can't really say. They're like fighting and not fighting. Merlin's all sarcastic and stuff, and Nana is all 'don't be like that' and 'nonsense'. It's hell!"

Yes, Jim could imagine that. But… as much as he felt bad for thinking so, 'better you than me' still was true. He wouldn't wish Merlin on his mom. Or anyone. But Toby's nana seemed to be able to handle the cranky wizard.

And if she couldn't, she'd probably poison his meals.

And, speaking of meals: Jim had to grill steaks and burgers now.