Part Two—Jag

Chapter 6

Chiss Ambassador to the Imperial Remnant Jagged Fel watched as the last visage of the hologram that represented Jaina disappeared and sighed as he painfully sat back into the chair by the embassy suite's comm unit. He stared at the holoplate thinking. Jaina was as beautiful as he remembered. But the smile he had felt while talking to her slowly faded when reality set in.

He only had two weeks. Two weeks to live the life he wished that he and Jaina could have. They had no future. He realized that and he honestly hoped she did too. He disliked the Alliance and did not trust its leadership. And he hated the Jedi; if not for them things may have turned out differently. He knew that seemed impossible considering the woman he loved was a Jedi. Also, if that was not enough reason for him and Jaina not to have a future, she would never be allowed to step foot in Chiss Space without being arrested and most likely put to death for war crimes.

Jag looked at the chrono and, with great pain that seemed to never completely leave him, stood with a wince. He had just arrived two hours ago from Csilla. The trip was long and taxing on him. He had tried to sleep on the last hyperspace jump but couldn't; he had been thinking of her.

The intercom beeped and he answered it with a wince as he bent over to push the receive button, "Captain Fel, here."

"Ambassador Fel," the crisp voice of the male Chiss shuttle pilot came through, "I was wondering if there would be anything else."

"No, Lieutenant Tarkas, I am all settled in." Jag then added, "Thank you."

The pilot that had flewn Jag to Coruscant because Jag would never be able to pilot a ship again signed off and Jag turned towards the suite's bedroom. He went to the dresser and pulled the medicine vile out of the dresser drawer. He dumped one of the little blue narcotic capsules onto his hand and instantly swallowed it. Hopefully, it would soon deaden him to some of the pain he constantly lived with. He had two hours before the lunch meeting with the Remnant representatives to the GFFA. Two hours to rest and hopefully not think of Jaina Solo.

But despite his best efforts memories of her came rushing back to him to haunt his dreams—

After the peace at Zonoma Sekot where they said their temporary farewells Jaina and Jag went on to fulfill their duty as they were called.. Jaina went on mission after mission for the Jedi and Jag became the Chiss liaison to the GFFA. They had promised to make time for each other and they tried. However, their paths didn't cross as often as they had wished. Although, they didn't see much of each other they would steal a few days every several months and go to some far off planet to fill their days and nights with love.

Jag remembered that last encounter before the Killik Crises with a deep sadness. He often wondered if Jaina's involvement in the matter would have been avoided if he would have carried out what he had whisked her away for in the first place. The world was Polymacia a small planet near the Chiss border near the Remnant. It was known for its warm tropical climate and beautiful blue sand beaches and was quite the vacation spot for rich from the Remnant and Chiss Space alike.

They sat on the beach near their cabin watching the yellow sun set over the turquoise water of the tranquil ocean. Jaina laid with her back snuggled against Jag's chest as he wrapped his arms around her with his chin resting softly on top of her head. It felt that this was the perfect moment. They arrived on planet the evening before and they would leave in the morning. It was now or never.

Jag swallowed again and finally said, "Jaina, I have loved you from the moment I first saw you before the Battle of Ithor. I knew you were perfect for me and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I don't know what I would have done without your wit and sense of purpose during the war. I since find myself thinking more and more of you and our future. I look forward to each and every comm from you and the time we spend together." Jag paused, hoping she would turn to look at him but she seemed lost in the sunset, staring out over the water. As the seconds turned to moments, he suddenly found himself becoming irritated by her seemingly aloof behavior.

"Jaina?" he finally asked wondering if she had heard anything he had just said.

She responded by turning to look at him with a vacant smile. "I'm sorry, Jag, I didn't hear you. I guess I was thinking about that trial I need to testify in next week."

Jag was now clearly irritated; he had just spilled his heart out to her and she hadn't heard any of it. "You didn't hear a word I said?"

She sadly shook her head and said softly, "I guess I'm not very good company this time, I'm truly sorry. What were you saying?" She lifted her hand to touch his face but her eyes held a distance Jag couldn't explain.

"It was nothing." Jag said quietly as he stiffened at her touch and her words, hurt. She hadn't even been paying attention but he also didn't believe her answer. He had been with her on more than one occasion before when she needed to testify at trials and she never acted like this. She even seemed distracted the night before when they made love. He suddenly wondered if she was seeing someone else. It had been nearly a year since they last physically saw each other because she canceled their last rendezvous due to an unexpected mission. He now wondered who was on that mission with her. If Jag was honest he had always been jealous of both Kyp Durron and Zekk mainly because they could share something with Jaina that he never could, a connection with each other that went deeper than just love. It bothered him when she would rattle on about them when they were together, but this time she had been unusually quiet. That scared him.

Finally, deflated and unsure, he wanted to get away from her. "Well, I think I'm going inside." Jaina moved to allow him to get up but quickly turned her attention back to the faint glow where the sun had set over the sea. Jag shook his head and hurried into the cabin.

Jag was crushed by the way Jaina had been acting. He pulled the diamond ring from the pocket of his lounge pants and looked at it. It had cost him a small fortune and he was truly hoping to give it to her this trip. He had it for a while and felt now was the time but he suddenly wondered if he had waited too long. He fisted the ring until he could feel the rough sharp edges of the diamond setting cut into his palm and cursed. Tomorrow he would return to Csilla to take his new passion in the CEDF as a Commander and Jaina would go off to testify in some thug's trail. He had lost the chance to ask her to marry him.

One month later Jaina and the other Jedi headed into the unknown regions following a mysterious call that only they could hear.

>X

Chapter 7

Jag came back from the lunchtime meeting with the Ambassador of the Imperial Remnant exhausted. It had gone on far longer than Jag had hoped and after the long trip to Coruscant from Csilla, he was tired. Fortunately, he had a few hours before he met with Jaina. He threw off his uniform jacket and headed to the bedroom of the suite.

The bedroom was large and so was the bed. He sat on the edge and pulled off his boots as he painfully straightened again he looked out of the tinted wall of transparasteel and sighed deeply. What was he doing? He thought. If his family knew he was meeting with Jaina Solo they would be more than just angry, they would be irate. They along with his dearest friend, Shawnkyr, blamed Jaina for the war and for what happened to him. His mother, the only one other than Shawnkyr he ever admitted his lingering love for Jaina Solo to, considered it unnatural and unhealthy to hold onto something that he knew would never be. She had hoped, he knew, that his five months in the Remnant would have lessened his infatuation, his borderline obsession of Jaina, but it didn't. She haunted his dreams like a phantom.

As he lay there he tried to not think of her but it was no use. He did not think of her constantly. He was able to perform his duties with as much dedication as he had always been able to, but at night or when he was alone she would creep back in and taunt his thoughts and dreams with her silky voice and seductive lopsided grins. Now was no different—

They were aboard the Starsider and headed for Ylesia, Jag had just arrived and decided to conduct what he called an "experiment." He had waited in the dark of Jaina's quarters and seceded in catching her off guard with a kiss when she returned from a meeting. He would never forget those first few seconds when she gave herself completely to him, before she Force shoved him into the wall above her bed.

She had been angry but in the end she was happy to see him. They went to the wardroom and played a game of Sebac. Jag never was so glad to lose. He may have paid heavily for that stolen kiss with his credits but he never really saw it as a loss.

Ten minutes after they left the wardroom, they were back at her quarters. Immediately after the door slid closed they were in each others arms. The kiss was passionate and breathtaking as he deepened it. The taste of her was as intoxicating as Corellian liquor. Her hands were around his back kneading the hard muscle and pushing him closer to her. Finally, the need for oxygen parted them, but he held his lips against hers as he rasped, his desire raging through him like liquid fire, "Jaina, if you do not want this to go any further I had better be going."

She pulled away far enough to look into his eyes. Her words burned into him has she whispered, "I don't want you to leave, Jag."

Not sure if she understood his need to leave then if she truly wished to go no further, he clarified, "I'm afraid that you do not understand." His voice was husky as his eyes bored into hers, "I want you, Jaina. If I stay it will go beyond just kissing."

She looked at him and smiled somewhat lopsidedly as she stepped away from him. He felt his heart begin to race as he watched her reach for the fasteners of her flightsuit. As she slowly undid them deliberately one at a time she said, her voice dripping with her own desire, "I certainly hope so, Lover." A few tantalizing moments later she stood before him clothed in only a short, tight black tank top and panties.

Jag stared at her and stammered, "Oh, Gods, Jaina, you are beautiful."

She gave him a seductive grin and sauntered up to him, when she came close enough she began to undo the fasteners to his uniform. He was completely transfixed by her beauty and in a way her boldness.

After he finally snapped out of the spell she had him under, he finished undressing. He took her into his arms and pushed her back onto bed, his hands and lips explored every centimeter of her. She filled his senses like no woman ever did and she was able to cause him to shudder with a simple caress.

She breathlessly broke a kiss as his hands were sending her into a frenzy. She rasped, "Jag, I've never..."

He stopped just as he positioned himself over her and nearly choked as he met her passion blurred eyes, "What?" He saw her sudden flash of embarrassment as she looked away and he felt her body tense as his body came fully over hers. Immediately he understood and he couldn't help the feeling of pure pleasure that soared through him as he hoarsely whispered into her ear causing her to shiver, "It's okay, my love. Just relax and enjoy the experience." Her moan and the arch of her back were all the invitation he needed as he became the first to lift Jaina Solo on the wings of passion.

Jag awoke sweating and disoriented by the dream. He had relived that, which became the first of several occasions of pure ecstasy over the course of their relationship, many times in the past few years. That first time had probably been the best he had ever experienced, although, his desire for her never lessened. He ran his hand through his short black hair and with some effort sat up. The sun had gone down, leaving the room darkened, with the only light being from the flow of traffic outside the two tinted walls of transparasteel of the embassy suite.

Jag quickly glanced at the chrono on the bedside table; he only had a little over an hour before he'd meet with Jaina. Taking a deep breath he threw off the coverlet and with a wince swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

He sat there for a few moments resting his face in his hands. He suddenly wondered if he was being a fool to be meeting with the woman who had been his enemy. Every battle hardened instinct screamed at him to not go through with it. And again the nagging question came to the forefront of his thoughts. What did he expect out of this?

Jag looked up and out the window straight ahead of him. He did not know. He knew they had no future. How could they? She disliked the Chiss, his people. And he held a strong dislike for the Jedi. If Jedi had not gotten involved, the Killiks would forever remain the peaceful and non-aggressive species they had always been.

Jag stood and stretched out his back. It hurt; however, it could have been worse. He could have been paralyzed from the waist down. But sometimes the prospect of spending the rest of his life in constant pain made him wonder if he didn't have the worse fate.

He moved slowly to the dresser and opened the top drawer. It technically wasn't time to take the capsule that allowed him to function more normally, but he wanted to be as pain free tonight as possible. He removed one of the blue oblong pills and looked down at it and frowned. He hated having to rely on a substance to help him live normally. He had tried to go without the painkiller but the pain became too unbearable. He hated the fact that as long as he took the narcotic he would never be able to pilot a ship again. He hated that because he had to rely on the pills he had been made an ambassador and sent away from his home, his family and his dearest friend. And he hated the weakness in him that demanded that he take the pills. He knew he was addicted to them but he could see no other alternative. He had already suffered through the surgery to repair his broken spine twice but he became the one in a thousand that would experience the phantom pain for the rest of his life. There was no cure.

He fisted the hated medication and cursed and old Corellian explicit that he probably learned from Jaina Solo. He knew he should hate her and he had tried. He had been angry with her, he had been disappointed and repulsed by her, but try as he may, he could never turn those feelings into hate.

Jag hadn't been completely honest with Jaina when he said that it was the Chiss who would not disclose any information about his status, it was his family who forbade it. They had wanted nothing at all to do with the woman whose actions had nearly killed their son, nor did they want anything to do with the uncle who in many ways was closer to her family than his own.

Jag had gone EV just seconds before Leia Organa Solo's shot hit his clawcraft, but he was caught in the blast and was sent spiraling to the surface of the jungle planet. It took the rescue team which had been headed by his friend Shawnkyr and his brother Cem a week to find him and when they did he was nearly dead.

They found him lying deep in a canyon unconscious, dehydrated, and in shock due to loss of blood. He had several infected wounds, a broken pelvis and right arm, and a few cracked ribs, but the most serious of his injuries was the three fractured thoracic vertebrae that rendered him paralyzed.

Jag had awakened nearly two weeks later to discover the fractured vertebrae and damaged spinal cord had been replaced in a highly risky surgical procedure that replaced the bone with metal alloy and the nerves with wires and cyborgic contentions. Still experimental, the procedure was not always successful and, although Jag's had been, he developed the complication of constant phantom pain. A second surgery tried to fix that problem but was unable to do so. His fractures had been also surgically mended and the only reminder of them was the slight limp he had from where his pelvis had been fractured. It took Jag nearly four months of rehab to relearn how to walk.

Jag, all in all, was extremely lucky to be alive but he also knew what kept him such—

His love for the woman who would have done this to him herself.

His anger and feelings of betrayal towards her because she would do so even after declaring her love for him.

And finally, his regret in knowing he would have been willing to do the same to her despite his love for her.

Jag was grateful to be alive, he would never want to bring the pain and sorrow upon his parents that the loss of another child would bring to them, but Jag regretted the life he was left with. The constant phantom pain of his damaged spinal cord demanded that he live the rest of his life dependent upon the drug he held in his hand. A drug that ruined his career, a dependence caused by a war supported by the one person he loved the most.

Jag opened his shaking fist as the burning pain reminded him it was time to take the drug that kept him from being the man he used to be. But, allowed him to function as the man he had become, something Jag had always despised—a politician.

He swallowed the capsule, closed his eyes and waited the few moments for the immediate absorption and the beginning alleviation of his pain. As he opened his eyes he wondered wryly if Jaina would notice the bewildering change in not only his physical condition but in his personally and if she would be appalled by it.

Finally, realizing he needed to get ready, he moved to the 'fresher to prepare for the most important dinner date of his life.

>X

Chapter 8

Jaina passed in the lobby of the Ithorian restaurant, Garden of the Gods. She hadn't been here in years, since before the Killik Crisis. However, the reason she had not been there had nothing to do with the war or the fact Ithorian wasn't her favorite food, but every thing to do with Jag. She and Jag had met there the year before the mess in the Colony started. They amazingly were on planet at the same time and sought out something different. Jag suggested the new Ithorian place because he felt Ithor had such an important role in their meeting.

Not wanting to dwell on the past as she was facing the future with the man she loved, she looked around the large lobby. It was a master piece of live plants, topiaries and curved architecture. Everything was in harmony it seemed. A small fountain bubbled in the center of the lobby with a larger one in the center of the main dining room. She knew she should be at peace in such a peaceful place but she couldn't find the calm.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the sweet smelling air and tried to slow her racing heart.

"Hello, Jaina," Jag said after a moment of watching her from behind at the entrance. She slowly turned and he gasped at the sight of her in the short red dress she wore. "You are absolutely beautiful."

"Jag," she breathed as she turned. Her was heart racing again and no amount of Jedi calming tricks was going to slow it.

For what seemed like an eternity they just stood their staring at each other. Finally, the Ithorian hostess broke the silence, "Miss Solo, may I show you to your table?"

Jaina didn't take her gaze from Jag's as she nodded and said, "Yes, but your most private, please."

The female Ithorian bowed and responded with a hand flourish, "Of course, follow me."

Jaina watched as Jag closed the distance to her and had to fight the impulse to gasp when she saw his limp. She suddenly felt guilt rise in her when she thought about what could have caused it.

They made their way to their table which was situated in an alcove near the back side of the large fountain in the dining room. The beautiful trees and flowering shrubs made a romantic setting that was totally their own. The only problem—neither one of them quite knew how to go from being one time enemies back to being one time lovers.

They ordered a bottle of wine and their meals but once the waitress was gone silence threatened to tick the minutes away. Finally, Jaina broke the uneasy quiet pretending to look a round and commented, "I remember the first time we were here."

Jag also made a show of looking around and then brought his bright blue-green gaze back to her, "Yes, not much as changed except the trees are bigger."

They both chuckled at his comment as the waitress brought the wine and poured it for them. Jag lifted his glass and after he thought a moment, said with a smile, "To the future."

Jaina lifted her glass and with a smile as bright as the day, clicked hers to his and repeated the toast. Then they both sipped the rich amber liquid.

Another silence engulfed them but this time Jag was determined not to let it go on. Somehow, he suddenly thought, it had been easier to talk on the comm that morning then it was now. He never thought facing her would be this difficult. "Jaina, I am glad you agreed to meet with me. I almost didn't contact you, for fear that you may have found someone else. Or, you and Jedi Zekk…" he left the sentence trail off. He didn't want to think of Jaina with the other Jedi Joiner that thought had already nearly drove him mad in the past.

Jaina lifted her wine glass and took a sip of the wine as she considered his words. Finally, setting the glass down again she met his gaze and said, "I will admit, I tried, Jag. I wanted to move on. I wanted to find love again. I thought you were dead and it left a huge, gapping whole in my heart." She paused and swallowed the lump in her throat. Then she went on, her voice stronger. "Zekk and I were never romantically involved. Just because we shared our minds, does not mean we shared our bodies. Maybe, it was because we were so intimately close, we needed that last bit of privacy. Besides, he knew that I loved you; he could feel my love of you, Jag. And I knew I'd only hurt him more if I gave into his feelings for me, no matter how much he may have wanted me to."

Jag stared at her, somewhat appalled that another man could share something as intimate as her mind but yet he felt relief that was all he shared with her. "He loved you but you never loved him?"

She never faltered her gaze, "Yes, he loved me. He still does. But I haven't felt anything but friendship for him since I was sixteen." Wanting to turn the conversation back to them and not to the time that she spent as a Joiner, she finally smiled and went on to add, "When a certain grim, too starchly pressed Imperial officer snubbed the entire upper echelon of the New Republic just to introduce himself to me."

Jag found himself getting lost in her words and smile. He looked down at his wine glass remembering that first meeting. He was so young and idealistic then. He met her gaze again over the wine glass as he lifted it to his lips. After sitting it back down he chuckled at the memory, "That was rather brash of me. But I had never seen a woman as beautiful as you and one as talented in the cockpit, at that."

"Well, my first impression of you was a little less flattering. I thought you were cocky, too tightly wound and arrogant." She paused again, her smile becoming brighter as she watched the smile tug at the corner of his mouth. Then she said, "But, I thought you were one of the most handsome men that I had ever met. And for the next two years until you showed up again in my life, I would find myself thinking about you and how you defied all protocol just to say 'hi' to me."

They were interrupted in their musing when the food was delivered. Another silence followed but this time it was because they were enjoying their meals. After finishing about half of the fine Ithorian cuisine, Jag inquired, "So, I'm assuming you and Zekk are no longer sharing each others minds?"

Jaina laid the delicate Ithorian utensil down and swallowed, "No. The meld we shared ended within two months after returning. Also, distance helped. Master Skywalker sent Zekk to Dogobah and I remained on Coruscant."

Jag looked skeptical, he knew of the marsh planet the Jedi revered, but to him it seemed unfair to send Zekk there to face solitude but not Jaina. "That seems a little unfair," he responded.

She shook her head and smiled, "Don't be so sure. Zekk chose to go there. He wanted to meditate and find his place within the Order. I needed my friends and family. Zekk now teaches at the Academy on Ossus. And I unofficially re-apprenticed myself to Kyp Durron."

Jag stared at her, "You what?"

Jaina looked down at her food, she could feel his distrust for the Master through the Force. Finally she said quietly, sadly as she thought about what she lost, "He was there when I needed a friend. Over the past year he and I became best friends and he helped me through my grief over what happened." Suddenly, pain shot through her heart as she thought of Kyp. She played with her food as she remembered the day, sadness filling her.

She had received a visit from her uncle Luke immediately following the Council meeting. He wanted to know if she had any idea why Kyp would suddenly take off. Luke had said that the Masters could feel the pain he had within him even through his shielding and were concerned. Jaina deigned that she knew anything and immediately ran to Kyp's apartment after Luke left. She keyed in the door code and upon entering discovered that he had only taken a few things with him. But when she saw the smashed holograph that Ben had taken, somehow she knew he would not be back. She had hurt him too much, she had broken the unflappable Kyp Durron's heart and, as she sat on the floor of his bedroom holding the broken frame of the holo, she cried over her own. She missed her best friend.

Jag just stared at her. He actually never expected Kyp Durron was still a factor in Jaina's life. But he didn't need to be a Jedi to sense that there was more between her and the Master Jedi. She was suddenly too sad and Jag needed to know. He simply cut to the chase, "So, you and Kyp are more than just friends?" He honestly had no idea why he was so jealous. Maybe it was because he still loved her and, although he knew they had no future, the thought of her being happy with someone else while he still felt so lost hurt him to his core.

Jaina lifted her eyes to meet his and felt the pang of jealousy that came from him. She knew she could never tell Jag about the night before which she spent with Kyp, it would only serve to break his heart and she felt that one heart a day was sufficient for anyone. She opened herself up to the Force then just to get an idea of what Jag was feeling. She was shocked at the amount of physical pain that lie just under the surface and she was concerned about the harshness, the depression that she felt. Jag had never exuded such dark feelings before. And that frightened her just a little, for, it meant Jag had changed. She decided to choose her words carefully and said, "No, Jag, Kyp and I are only friends." Which wasn't actually a lie but was only a half truth and she knew it.

Jag got his emotions under control and smiled, "I suppose I shouldn't be too concerned. You are here with me now."

Jaina breathed a sigh of silent relief that they were moving off the topic of her potential love life and back to focusing on them. "And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

They finished their meals and ordered a delicate cream cake dessert and caf. After they were served, Jaina asked, "So, are you going to tell me what happened? I can feel that you are in a great deal of pain."

Jag snapped his eyes up to meet hers and the hateful glare she received caused her to gasp. In a deadly calm voice, a voice laced with warning, a voice she had never heard him utter to her, he said, "Don't ever do that again. Don't play your Jedi mind tricks on me, Jaina. It is because of the Jedi that I have become what I have."

"Jag?" Jaina whispered, frightened.

Her quiet voice and the fearful expression in her beautiful expression caused Jag to shudder. He brushed his hand through his hair and looked down at the dessert in front of him. Finally, he said quietly, his voice holding a tremor, "Jaina, I'm sorry. I didn't mean how that sounded. It's just that I," he looked up at her and went on hoping he hadn't just blown it, "I don't know what came over me. I just wish you wouldn't use the Force around me."

She shook her head in slight disbelief and chuckled nervously, "Okay, but being a Jedi is what I am, Jag, you know that. It is as much a part of me as my hair."

"Yes, that may be true, but your hair can be cut and, so, you can choose to use or not use the Force."

She stared at him. He had changed that wasn't even a question anymore. He was colder, he hated and he was in pain. But she hadn't needed the Force to see those things; they lay in the depths of his beautiful blue-green eyes. She loved Jag; she remembered every moment she had been with him and of the love they had shared. But she realized the war had changed him, too. She quietly asked, "What happened when you went down?"

He chuckled harshly and looked back down at his plate, but when he spoke it was the voice she remembered, "I nearly died. I will live the rest of my life in constant phantom pain from where the cyborgic connections that replaces my damaged spine have not connected properly with the rest of it. I will never pilot a ship again because of the drug I need to take. I have endured two surgeries to fix the pain but there is no cure. I can, either live with the pain, and at least move on my own from the chest down, or I can be pain free but live as an invalid and be paralyzed."

He looked up when he heard her gasp. Jaina felt over whelmed with sorrow for him but before she could say anything he went on, he told her what happened. At the end he simply said, "Don't feel sorry for me, Jaina." He then smiled but it never reached his eyes, they remained sad, "At least, I'm alive and it was my love for you that kept me that way."

>X

Chapter 9

They left the restaurant and moved along the slide walk, Jaina had originally arrived by taxi, Jag by his assistant. But neither of them wanted the evening to end, so, they decided to walk. They reminisced about their past, but somehow decided independently not to dwell on the recent past. They also diligently danced around talking about their families. They rehashed dreams they had and the thrill their futures had held. For the moment, they forgot the past three years happened and somewhere along the way they began to hold hands.

Finally, they made their way to the Imperial Embassy. However, before they came to the entrance proper, Jag pulled Jaina off the slide walk and headed into a darkened terrace garden. Jag didn't want to let her go.

"Jag, I don't want tonight to end," Jaina said as they came to a dark alcove where she stepped before him. With the only light coming from a single glow lamp several meters away, she looked up into his light green eyes and her heart skipped a beat. She wished she could make all the pain she saw there go away. She wished they could go back to the past to a time when they loved each other without a doubt.

He gazed at her and quietly replied as he reached up to stroke her face with the back of his fingers, "We have two weeks, Jaina." He didn't have the heart to tell her that he would never see her again after those two weeks, but then he didn't want to really admit that to himself either. It hurt too much, especially after seeing her, touching her.

She smiled and laid her free hand over his heart and relished the rapid beating she felt there. "Jag, I can't lose you again. I love you too much."

"Jaina," he whispered softly, painfully. She moved closer to him and he cupped her face. She closed her eyes and leaned into the embrace of his hand, turning her face enough to place a kiss on his palm.

"Oh, Jag, I've missed you," she whispered and moved her hands around his neck and breathed in the unique scent of mysterious spice she had come to know as his. When she opened her eyes, they found themselves gazing into the others and felt three years of pent up passion flare.

When Jag caught her lips in the kiss, he told himself not to force it, not to completely get lost in it. But it was no use, because when she parted her lips to allow his tongue in and he touched hers, all restraint broke. He wrapped his arms around her pulling her to him, molding her to his long form. The need for air finally parted them long enough to catch their breaths and then they kissed again.

Finally, panting, they parted and Jag said, "I don't think it would be a good idea for you to go in with me." He smiled then added, "And it has nothing to do with you being a Jedi and me living in the Imperial Embassy." When he saw the flicker of disappointment in her beautiful brown eyes, he held her close and whispered into her ear, causing her to shudder, "I want you, Jaina. I wish we could go back the way we were. I love you."

"Jag, I've dreamed about you for three years. I will never love anyone as much as I love you." But as she said those last words it wasn't Jag she thought of. A memory of deep laughter and mischievous brown flecked green eyes fluttered into her mind. She remembered sitting together in comfortable companionship with Kyp, with their arms around each other as they watched the HoloNet. She pushed the memory away and said into Jag's chest, "I want you too."

She then looked up at him again and pulled his mouth down to meet hers. But again a memory flicked through her mind almost subconsciously, a memory of what Kyp's kiss elicited when he kissed her and she suddenly missed it, even though it was Jag she thought she wanted.

Jag and Jaina showed their ID chips to the white clad Stormtrooper at the main door of the living quarters of the Embassy. Jaina could feel the man's suspicion as he eyed her up and handed her back her chip. But he opened the door and let the lovers in. They entered Jag's suite five minutes later.

Their lovemaking was the most passionate either of them had ever experienced together. Jag savored every kiss, every caress, and every nibble of her supple, sun-kissed skin. He pushed Jaina to the brink and she screamed her release as he found his. But it did not fill him with the utter joy it should have, in fact it left him cold, because it wasn't his name she called out—

"Kyp—"

Jaina's eyes flew open when to stare into Jag's bewildered, betrayed blue-green ones. But as soon as their eyes met, Jag began to move away from her. She watched as he winced when he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Jag—, I'm sorry—" She suddenly realized the implications of what she just did.

Jag ran his hands through his short black hair and quietly said as he tried to get his breathing under control, "Well, I guess my suspicions were correct."

Jaina rolled over away from his back and pulled the sheet over her to her neck. The tears stung the eyes she squeezed closed, she did not want to cry because she wondered if she would ever stop. Suddenly, she painfully realized the truth that eluded her until that moment. She loved Kyp. Yes, she had loved Jag and part of her always would but it wasn't Jag's touch she craved in those last tenuous moments of their lovemaking. It wasn't Jag she was touching, she was seeing, it was Kyp. However, she left him to run to a man who she probably would never see again. Jag hadn't said that, but she also realized he never once talked about their future, their real future, only his two weeks on Coruscant. She couldn't hold the tears any longer and her heart screamed as it broke for the third time that day, but this time it wasn't because she lost her friend, Oh, Kyp!

Jag stood after pulling on a pair of sleep pants and moved to stand before one of the walls of windows. He felt small, insignificant as he watched the traffic move at its incredible speeds outside. He stared at the intricate patterns the traffic's lights made as the various speeders, trucks, and other craft flew by. As he stood there half hypnotized by the flashing streams of lights, he realized the Jaina he had fallen in love with was as gone, as dead, as the man who had fallen for her. He loved a memory not the woman. He loved the ideal of Jaina, Jedi Knight, Sword of the Jedi, Protector of the down trodden. Goddess.

He suddenly thought of the other person involved and for the first time, Jag felt no jealousy for the older Jedi Master. He thought that almost laughable considering all the years he feared something like this would happen, but when it finally did, he incredulously felt sorry for Kyp. Jag knew that Kyp had always been in love with Jaina. He probably had loved her longer than Jag had but to the older man's credit, as far as he knew, Kyp Durron had always kept his distance and only approached Jaina with friendship. He unexpectedly wondered what had changed between them and just how long had they been lovers. But Jag would never ask. He honestly did not care.

"So, what was this, Jaina?" Jag spoke evenly into Jaina's anguished mind as she laid on her side sobbing.

Finally, she sat up wrapping herself in the sheet. She suddenly was very ashamed of her body and self-conscious of her nudeness. Something she never was with Jag. Then she whispered, her voice rough with tears, "I did love you, Jag. A big part of me still does and probably always will. But—" She had no idea how to give voice to this new emotion in her, "But, Kyp and I shared a unique relationship and I guess—" She looked up at his bare back, he was standing with his arms at his sides, hands fisted, facing the window. When she saw the scars that criss-crossed his back she realized it wasn't this man she loved. The Jag she loved, whose rare and slight smiles could melt her heart, died when her mother shot his ship out of the sky. "I guess somewhere in there between my friendship for him and my growing desire, I actually fell in love with him." She said this last very quietly and looked down at her knees which she drew up to her chest.

Kyp had always believed in Cosmic Justice, she thought, well, if this wasn't it then I'm a Hutt.

Jag turned and she looked up to meet his gaze, but to her surprise she didn't see or sense any jealously there—only profound sadness. "What are you going to tell him, Jaina? Does he even know that you are with me? Or, are you going to go back to him and pretend this never happened?"

Jaina couldn't hold his intense green eyes any longer as she thought about what she had done. There was no way she was going to admit to Jag she had only slept with Kyp once and that just happened the night before. Force, I'm worse than a spice starved Twi'lek.

She said instead, "He knows about our meeting tonight. And he left this morning after finding out about it. It's over between us. No one knows where he went or even if he will be back. I didn't realize what he meant to me." Then as a new wave of sobs threatened to take her over, she whispered more to herself than to Jag as she hung her head and buried her face in her hands, "I ignored his love to chase a ghost."

Jag watched her shoulders as they shook with her sobs and strangely he took pleasure in seeing her thus. She wasn't a goddess to be worshiped only longer. The goddess had fallen from the pedestal and shattered. In that last final glance before he turned at the door of the bedroom, Jag amazingly felt free. He said before leaving her alone, "Good bye, Jaina."

He didn't love her any more and he would survive.