Part Three—Zekk

Chapter 10

Two weeks had past since Jaina's night with Kyp and as she sat in the meditation room at the Temple on Ossus, she wondered if she would ever find him.

She had gone back to the Temple after she left Jag's rooms an emotional mess. She had never felt so terrible in her life. She stopped at her door but didn't go in; instead she went to Kyp's. She entered the darkened Master's quarters and went into his bedroom. She laid across his bed, hugging his pillow and cried. She didn't sleep that night instead she remembered the times she and Kyp were together over the past year. All of the times they sparred, both verbally and with sabers, watched holodramas, and the two missions they went on together. She realized that in all that time the only time she ever really thought of Jag and the love they once shared was when she was lonely, or when she was dating someone else. Even on her date with Kyp, she never thought of Jag until the morning after and then it was more in comparing the two men then her feeling of love for the Chiss captain.

As the first faint rays of morning light filtered through the window of Kyp's room, she decided she needed to find him. She had to try to make things right with him, for, he was her future. She sat up and went into a meditation trance, opening herself up to the Force in a way that she hadn't done in years. She stretched her awareness outward as far as she could. For the briefest of nanoseconds she thought she felt his presence but as she tried to get a lock on it she lost it. When she tried to find him again she couldn't, he must have closed himself off. The only presences she could find were those of her family, who she assured she was okay when they sent their concern back, and finally Zekk.

Zekk—

She opened her eyes as she felt his concern wash over her and then his encouragement for whatever she was trying to find. It was like a familiar hug from an old friend and she realized she needed a friend. She could never go to her family with her quest. They would never understand how after all Jag Fel had done to her she could have run off to meet with him. In fact, they had no idea she still had harbored feelings for him. They knew she had been concerned for his safety but she hadn't tried to find him for months and then she started dating again.

However, Zekk wouldn't judge her; he wouldn't tell her that she was foolish for what she did. He would be her friend and he would help her. She decided that she would ask the Council to send her to Ossus. Besides, she really didn't think she could stand to stay on Coruscant without Kyp.

A week later she arrived on Ossus and was greeted by a very concerned Zekk. Their Joiner bond had long ago faded, but they still seemed to know what the other was feeling and thinking. Zekk could tell that Jaina was hurting and he was determined to find out why.

He led her to the small apartment that she was assigned to and he waited until she got settled in. He made some hot chocolate for them and after they were seated at the small table, he finally asked her what had happened.

Jaina had stared at her friend and really didn't know where to begin or what all she wanted to divulge. After a long moment she looked down at her cup and said, "Zekk, I fell in love with Kyp."

"Oh," was all he could say. Jaina could sense his surprise and she looked up at him and he cleared his throat and went on, "So, he doesn't feel the same?"

She slowly shook her head and quietly said, "No, he loved me. In fact, Kyp has always loved me." She took a deep breath and she could tell Zekk was more than just a little confused. She looked up into his emerald eyes, "I left him to meet Jag."

"You what?"

"Jag contacted me and wanted to see me. I didn't realize that I really loved Kyp. I thought I still loved Jag, Zekk. I wanted to see him. I guess, I was so surprised that he was alive. I didn't realize I no longer loved Jag but his memory and he too no longer loved me. He hates the Jedi, and I could never go with him. We had no future and I was stupid enough to think we did. Maybe if we hadn't been changed so much by the war—" She paused and shook her head then said, "I loved Kyp the entire time. I didn't think Kyp was serious when he told me our friendship was over if I saw Jag." She stopped and looked away, tears wetting her eyes, "I never thought Kyp would leave. Now, I can't find him. He's blocking me."

Zekk considered this for a moment then he shook his head, "I don't get it. If he knows you are looking for him, I'd think he would let you find him." He then paused and said quietly with a note of sadness, "I mean, if it were me, I would figure out that you and Fel didn't work out or you wouldn't be trying to find me."

Jaina looked at him, she knew this was hurting him, she could see it in his eyes. He hadn't realized she and Kyp were ever a possibility. Jag had been jealous of the Master but Zekk never knew she had once considered him more. She also knew Zekk probably loved her as much as Kyp had. Finally, she looked down at her cooling cup of chocolate and quietly said, "Zekk, I really hurt him. I gave myself to him and he allowed his love for me to resurface. He warned me that he couldn't stand to see me with someone else. I just never thought he would leave the Order or the Council. He doesn't want me but I need to tell him that I love him. That I'm sorry." With that she broke down and sobbed.

Zekk came around the table and picked her up and led her to the couch, there he held her and allowed her to cry on his chest until she finally fell asleep.

She felt Zekk enter the meditation room and sit cross legged beside her on the mat. She felt his gentle nudge and returned it with one of her own but she did not come out of her trance. Instead she turned it inward. The queasy feeling was getting worse in her stomach and she wanted to find out what was causing it. Of course, she knew she hadn't been eating properly or sleeping well but she was never one to be ill. She focused on her stomach for a moment but when she found only the over active production of stomach acids she went deeper. She followed the increased blood flow to her very center and suddenly felt something that puzzled her as she sensed the increased rate of cellular division. She found the thickening cells and the build up of blood. Then she felt the other presence—tiny, minute but there in the center of the cells, in the center of her.

She gasped as she realized what she touched and her eyes flew open.

Zekk heard her gasp and was brought out of his own meditation. He looked at her with worry. "Jaina, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Jaina turned her pale, shocked face to his and stammered in a nearly inaudible voice, "Zekk, I'm—I'm pregnant." Then she turned away and in louder voice added, "Force, what am I going to do now?"

Zekk stared at her. He honestly couldn't believe Jaina Solo would ever get herself into such a mess. It hurt him to know she and Kyp Durron had that kind of relationship but he also knew that he and Jaina were never meant to be. "Well, we need to find Kyp and let him know he will be a father. Maybe we could—"

Jaina slowly shook her head. She hadn't been completely honest with him. "No, Zekk, it's not that simple." She looked away and quietly, shamefully said, "I don't know who the father is."

Zekk was truly shocked. He stared at her dumbfounded and more than just a little jealous. He had loved her since he was a kid and there was a time when she had loved him. He had made more than one overture toward her but she never allowed him more than kisses and cuddling, to think that she now was pregnant and didn't know who the father was just disgusted him. "You don't know who the father is? Well, no wonder Kyp left you."

At her sudden sobbing as she buried her face and at the feelings of shame that came from her he suddenly realized the awful truth. "Its not that you don't know who the father is it's that you don't know which one is. Because it could belong to either Kyp or Jag."

She slowly nodded her head which was still buried in her hands. Then she allowed the truth of the situation to finally come out, "What am I going to do? I only was with Kyp one night. I convinced him to go on a date with me and afterward—we spent the night together." Then she looked up at him, "I had never been with anyone else except for Jag. I had always been careful before when I would meet with Jag before the Killik War, but I guess I just wasn't thinking. Then the next night I got carried away with Jag. I—I really made a mess of my life and now the life of my baby. Because even if Kyp could have forgiven me for going to Jag, he'd never be able to raise his child."

Zekk continued to gaze at her then he quietly asked, "Do you think you could determine which one is the father?"

She shrugged and said, "I don't know. But what if it's not Kyp's baby, Zekk? I don't even think I want Jag to know if he is the father. It's not like we had a future anyway. But I'm not stupid enough to think I could pass the baby off as Kyp's if it isn't." She paused and then sighed as she looked down at her still flat abdomen and laid her hand there. She reached for the baby and easily found it, and instantly connected with it. He or she had a strong Force signature and she was certain he or she would be a strong Jedi, but then she could easily figure that even if its father wasn't a Jedi her child would be powerful because she came from a long line powerful Jedi. She clung to the tiny presence and tried to determine the parts that made up its Force signature. But she couldn't even clearly ascertain hers let alone that of the father's.

Zekk watched her, a torment of emotions raging through him. He hated to see Jaina so at odds. She had always seemed to know what to do; now she was lost. He thought of her baby and let his awareness reach out for the baby which he found as a second presence inside Jaina's. He quickly pulled back and thought about what kind of life the child would have. Sure, he or she would be loved, but would it be truly accepted? Even if it was Kyp Durron's child would he forgive Jaina and trust her enough to want to marry her and raise their child? Somehow, he could see the Jedi Master holding a grudge against her. He obviously didn't want her to find him which really irritated Zekk. Surely, Durron knew that Jaina wouldn't spend hours every day trying to find him if she was with Fel.

But what if it wasn't Kyp's, what if Jag was the father? Did Jaina really mean that she wouldn't tell him? Then he remembered something she had told him earlier, that Jag hated the Jedi. He would never want his child raised as one but how could he stop it? Then he thought that Jag may not want Jaina but nothing would stop him from taking his child if he wanted. Even if she didn't tell him, if he ever found out—Zekk wouldn't let that happen, it would destroy Jaina. She may wish she wasn't pregnant under the circumstances but he could tell as she reached for her baby she loved it.

Then the idea came to him. He waited for Jaina to meet his eyes with her sad ones and then he softly said, "Jaina?"

She shook her head and said, "It may just be too soon but I can't even find my own presence."

"Well, keep trying. And maybe I could find Kyp. He may not be expecting me to be looking for him."

She only gazed at him, sadness filling her, "Zekk, but what if it isn't Kyp's or if I can't discover who the father is? What am I going to do?"

Zekk gazed at her and his heart broke for her. He wished he could make everything work out for her. Then he put voice to the seed of the plan he was beginning to formulate. He quietly said, "If it is Jag's baby or if you can't tell, you could say it is mine and I could help you raise it. If you wanted we could even get married." At her stunned expression, he went on, "The three of us have enough similarities that no one ever would be the wiser."

Finally, Jaina said, "Zekk, you can't be serious."

He turned towards her and gazed intently at her, "Yes, Jaina, I'm very serious." He reached over and took her hands and she let him. He had missed touching her since they lost their meld, "Jaina, you know that I love you. I also have come to the realization that you will never feel the same for me, but I can't stand seeing you like this. And that baby needs a father. "

"But, Zekk, I—I would never put the burden of—of raising another man's child—" Jaina was truly touched that he could even think of offering such a sacrifice.

He reached up and cupped her face, their gazes locked he said, "Try to determine who the father is but even if you do, know that my offer stands. I only ask that you consider this: what if Jag is the father? Do you want your baby to grow up not having a father around? And what if Jag finds out? Would he want to take the baby away from you? If for no other reason then to keep him from being a Jedi? But what if the baby is Kyp's? Will he ever forgive you? Surely he knows you aren't with Jag. No, Jaina, that child will have a hard enough life anyway, why compound it's hardship by not having a father around."

Then he leaned over, gently kissed her on the forehead and stood. Leaving Jaina pondering his words as she absently caressed her abdomen and watched him leave.

>X

Chapter 11

Zekk felt Jaina's discomfort through the Force as he stood outside her open bedroom door. He had come to meet her to take her to her first class. She was going to be helping Keyan Farlander with teaching in the Jedi pilot program. There was only one problem Zekk had never known Jaina to be so ill before.

Another two weeks had gone by since she had found out she was pregnant which deep down he was still trying to deal with. He had meant every word of the offer he had given Jaina but he still couldn't help be feel some of the old jealousy. However, he didn't hold it against the baby in fact, the tiny spark of life their utterly amazed him. She had allowed him to connect with it about a week ago in hopes that his strength added to hers could help them discover the father's Force signature. Zekk knew Jaina was becoming very frustrated and only wanted to know but even with his help they weren't any closer than before. Except for some reason Zekk would never understand, he felt that the baby was a boy.

Also, immediately after Zekk gave his offer to Jaina, he went about trying to find Kyp as he had promised he would. After three days and hours of trying he finally found the Jedi Master. Kyp, as Zekk had surmised, was surprised to feel Zekk reaching for him but as soon as Zekk sent him a image of Jaina crying through the weak bond, he severed the connections and Zekk had been unable to find him since. That only irritated Zekk more and that was when he decided that Kyp Durron didn't deserve Jaina any more than Jag Fel did.

Zekk had told Jaina of his failure with finding and keeping a lock on Kyp and he held her as she cried out her despair. It killed him to see her thus and to know that Kyp Durron's stubbornness was doing this to her angered him to no end. He decided that if he ever did find the Jedi Master and the baby was his, Kyp wouldn't need to wonder what Han Solo would do him because there wouldn't be much left after he was done with him.

The sound of Jaina's continued retching roused him from his thoughts with a wince and he decide to hell with propriety and went into the bedroom to the open refresher door.

"Jaina?" he said softly, "Are you okay?" He stepped in further and squatted down behind her. He laid his hand on her back and as he gently rubbed it he reached out into the Force to send her his strength.

After a moment she stood, the waves of nausea subsiding. She rinsed her mouth out with water and antiseptic mouthwash and then splashed water onto her pale face. After drying her face and hands on the towel he handed her, she smiled weakly and they stepped out of the small 'fresher.

"Thanks," she said and went over to sit on the edge of her bed, which besides the dresser was the only furniture in the room.

Zekk followed and sat down beside her, "I wish there was something that I could do," he said. Then he wrinkled his nose and tried to quip, "That has to be getting disgusting. You've been doing that for over a week now."

She looked at him, "Well, I have a few more months of this, I think." They were quiet for a while; she leaned her head onto his shoulder and rubbed his arm. He answered her by wrapping an arm around her and absently caressed her arm. The action was as reflexive as it was out of affection or concern, a leftover from their nearly two years as Joiners. They both found themselves needing the contact and missing the way it had been while they were Joiners. Suddenly, that time seemed so much less complicated.

Finally, she said, "I'm glad you are here with me. Or I'd have no one."

Her quiet words caused his breath to catch. "You could go to Cilghal. I know there is something she could do." Zekk wasn't completely sure of this, but surely there was a medicine for morning sickness; there was for everything else.

"No, Zekk," she moved her head off his shoulder in order to meet his green eyes. She was feeling a little better. "I can't. I can't let anyone else know about the baby." Then she glanced away and whispered, "Not before I know who the father is."

Zekk was quiet for a moment then he said gently not wanting to add to her pain, "You know, she could probably run a test for paternity too." She turned incredulous eyes to him but before she could protest he went on. "She would be bound by patient confidentially and would not divulge anything."

Jaina stared at him for several long moments then she turned away, "But what if it isn't Kyp's?" She started shaking her head, "I can't let anyone know that Jag may be the father. Zekk, I know she is bound by the rule but she would have to document it in my record and that is open to too many eyes." Her eyes burned with painful determination before she turned away again, "That would be worse."

"Or, you could simply forget this and accept my offer." He reached up and turned her face to meet his by placing his finger under her chin. "Because, let's face it, Jaina. Kyp Durron doesn't want to be found. And if we are going to pass your baby off as mine I really don't want to wait too long." He then chuckled softly and smiled, "I'm already going to be facing your father's blaster and probably your mother's lightsaber. The longer we wait the more complicated it will come for them to believe us and see me as—umm—" his smile grew larger, "accepting my responsibility as they would see it."

Jaina smiled despite her despair, "I would think that would be enough to make you want to run away not want to accept it."

He gazed into her sad brandy eyes which her smile of late never seemed to reach and he moved his had from under her chin to cup her face. "I won't because," he swallowed and then whispered, "because I love you so much." Before he really knew what compelled him he leaned over and caught her lips in a gentle kiss. He didn't force it and there was no real passion behind it but it left him trembling. Why can't she love me? his heart cried. Then he pulled away and looked away.

Jaina watched her friend and her heart ached. Why can't I just love him back? she wondered. Why couldn't she just forget Kyp and fall in love with Zekk? He held the answer. He was willing to accept responsibility for a child that was not his and he even offered it his love. She could see it in his face and she could hear it in his voice when they talked about the baby that he wholeheartedly believed was a boy. The only thing that he asked of her was that she be faithful to him at least in body if not in heart and spirit. Why wasn't the noble acts of him wanting to love another man's child and care for him as his own not be enough to transform her friendship into love? Maybe someday she could love him, she thought, she did once.

Kyp was hiding; he didn't want her to find him. She knew she had hurt him too much and too deeply which meant he probably would never forgive her even if the baby was his. However, she had even considered leaving Ossus and going to search for Kyp physically. Then when she found him simply attempt to pass the baby off as his. But, besides it being too dangerous for her and the baby to embark on such a journey alone, she knew that Kyp would no doubt figure out if the child wasn't his. Then he'd only hate her more. But would he be able to? her mind raced. However, she realized he could, she could after all, feel her own life Force as an aspect of the baby. It was the father's that remained murky and indistinguishable.

She had even considered going to Jacen but soon concluded that was not possible. He was at Ossus at the moment but seemed distant. In fact, he seemed nothing more than a stranger to her, he had nearly severed his twin bond with her. He was preoccupied and didn't really want to even spend time with her. All his time seemed swallowed up by Ben. But then, that was probably a good thing. Her brother frightened her at times. He knew too much and she didn't want him to discover the pregnancy before she was ready to reveal it. She found herself avoiding him as much as he seemed distant from her. It required too great an effort to mask the baby's presence all the time and she never was certain she achieved it when she was with Jacen.

No, that wasn't he answer either; the answer had to come from her. She only hoped she soon found the answer. Finally, she said, "Zekk, give me three more days. If I can't determine the father by then," she swallowed and went on hoping she wasn't making another terrible mistake, "I'll marry you."