Firstly, thanks for the reviews.
korrd : The pairings won't come until late into the series. In case anyone is wondering, since Naruto didn't become a genin and joined Kakashi's team then there is a chance they didn't go on the mission to Mist and neither Zabuza and Haku were killed. I'm saving those two characters for later.
Kalis-nin : I'm going to try my best to keep it close to the manga. The only OC's I'll probably have will be the Akatsuki members, but I'm drawing the line there.
Bruce, ace448, Pite, naruto 93, muaaimoi, tea, KitMiyu, LbcLostKid, silver windflame, devilwit: Thanks for the reviews, I don't want to rush this story too much, but I'll try to update as much as possible. I work and go to school, so if I don't update regularly, please excuse me.
Steve: There will be no yaoi at all. Not that I'm against it or anything... The Hinata thing, we'll wait and see.
Disclaimer : I do not own Naruto. I do own the characters Ayame, Kazuma, Ikkaku and Shin though.
(A/N) Enjoy the Akatsuki...
Chapter 2 : Living With Psychotics
Naruto, Age 8 - 1 month after departure of Konoha - "The Genius Version Of Sex-Ed"
Naruto's eyes darted around, looking for a movement in the bushes around him, as he hid behind a tree. Naruto was out of his home ground, and had to learn to adapt in other situations. This time it was in a forest distant from Konoha.
Naruto and Itachi had been traveling for a month to parts unknown, as Itachi was seeking out the base of his comrades. The map Itachi was given was pretty badly drawn. Firstly, it had two circles, one labelled "Fire" and the other labelled "Wind". Between the two circles wasa large X. Itachi knew it was a test of his skills - andhe was determined to prove himself. When Itachi came with the idea to split up for food, Naruto immediately sprung to action - making a trap, which was why Naruto had been hiding behind a tree for the past ten minutes..
"I guess no one ever told Itachi not to leave a child unattended..." Naruto sighed, the trap was set up for rabbits and other small animals, but he hadn't been succesful yet. A rustle in anearby bush raised Naruto's eyebrow. The click of the string he laid down set off the trap, and a kunai came from an above tree and dived itself down into the bush, a pretty bad way to die.
Naruto smiled, getting up to collect his prize. His smile left quickly his face as the same kunai was thrown from the bushes and back at Naruto, givinghim little time to deflect it with another of his kunais. Before he knew it, someone was standing behind him with a sword at his neck.
"Try and move, I dare you..." The voice from behind him taunted. Naruto quickly lifted his kunai to push away the sword, and broke free of the attacker's grasp. Naruto turned around to take a stab at the attacker, but an eerie blue strand of chakra extended itself of the sword and wrapped around Naruto, lifting him off ground.
"You!" The attacker said, staring at Naruto with his black eyes. "You failed!" The attacker smiled, before retracting the chakra from the sword and leaving Naruto to fall to the ground.
"C'mon Itachi, don't you think you were being a little too tough?" Naruto complained, wiping all the dirt off his back. Checking out a tear on the front of his shirt, he knew he'd have to get Itachi to make him another one.
"Do you think attackers would go easy on you? A jutsu or two would help, you know." Itachi ruffled Naruto's hair again, who immediately tried to shake it back into it's former place.
"Then let me have another go!" Naruto smiled. 'Kid, today's my nap day, so do it on your own...' The Kyuubi deep inside him said, adding a big yawn, as if to make a point.
"Fine, we're only about half an hour away from our destination anyway... And you need the training." Itachi said, interuptting Naruto before he could reply to the Kyuubi.
Naruto had learnt from Itachi that before a battle the most important thing was to thinkup aplan and analyse the opponent. Gathering chakra in his feet, like Itachi taught him, he was able to jump up higher than normal. Throwing a couple of shuriken to distract Itachi, he utilized the main jutsu of his plan .
'Alright Kyuubi... Watch me, I'll show you I can do this without your help!' Naruto thought, while performing handseals.
"Katon : Goukakyu No Jutsu! (Fire Release : Grand Fireball Technique)" Naruto called, blowing a large fireball from his mouth, aiming at Itachi. Itachi willed Naruto on to add more flame and make it bigger, like a real Uchiha nin. Itachi smiled as the large fireball charged at him.
"Shunshin No Jutsu... (Body Flicker Technique)" Itachi teleported right above Naruto, and managed to pin him down to the ground. The fireball went straight towards a tree, lighting everythign surrounding them on fire. Naruto knew that he had just used a good strategy, but he also knew that Itachi was too good to fall for it.
"..." Itachi blinked, as he sat ontop of a squirming Naruto. He had sure produced a large fireball, worthy of being called an adult even. "Guess tomorrow's lesson will be about aim and control..." Itachi sighed. Luckily, with the help of a nearby lake Itachi was able to use a Suiton jutsu to put out the fire.
"That was cool!" Naruto grinned. "Teach me it!"
"Sorry Naruto, that's enough destruction for today." Itachi said. "We should continue walking, we only have a bit more to go."
"So Itachi..." Naruto began, looking up at his mentor.
"Yeah Naruto?" Itachi asked.
"Can I ask you something..." Naruto twiddled his thumbs shyly, in a way that Itaci had not seen before.
10 LONG Minutes Later...
"Woah." Naruto said, after their long conversation.
"Yes Naruto, that's how it happens." Itachi nodded. The last few minutes had been, in a sense, more than difficult for the genius to handle.
"So that's how it happens?" Naruto looked stunned. "The man and woman plant a seed?"
"Yeah... Sure Naruto..." Itachi wasn't sure what he should've told Naruto. He couldn't imagine what had caused the eight year old to ask such a question. The genius himself didn't know how to react when someone as young as Naruto asked that question, after all besides being a genius - Itachi was still only 13.
"So is that why I always see people with cabbages growing in their backyard?" Naruto asked.
"Yes Naruto. Yes." Itachi sighed, as a large sweatddrop came from his forehead.
"Woah." Naruto said again. "But what about-"
"We're here!" Itachi said, clasping his hands together, glad that the could change the conversation before it got any worse than it already was.
"Where?" Naruto asked. "I don't see anything but miles of forest."
"Watch..." Itachi said. Itachi started quickly moving his hands in a pattern of seals, it was almost too fast for Naruto. The handseals stopped after a couple of seconds, and a door appeared from the ground. Itachi smiled and gestured towards the ground. "Welcome home Naruto."
Naruto, Age 8, 1 month later... "Akatsuki Headquarters"
A blue, shark-man strolled into the kitchen of the Akatsuki's "Top Secret Underground Headquarters". Which had a kitchen. And a bathroom. A gamesroom. And even a room with a built inhome theatre. Still it was an "Underground Headquarters". The leader himself had built it, due to his certain "skills". A little known fact was, since there were occasionally a shortage of missions, or a shortage of pay, shinobi's would take up other jobs to support themselves financially, and the leader... designed and built houses. He enjoyed working on the underground "house" and would always find another reason to build a random room, extending the headquarters further.
"Where's Naruto?" Asked the blue-coloured shark man, wielding a giant, bandaged sword. "I lost a poker match against him, so I have to do his chores for a week..." He groaned.
"Kisame, why were you playing poker with an eight year old?" Itachi raised an eyebrow, Kisame's bad gambling skills could have rivalled that of even the Legendary Sucker.
"Because he insisted! I didn't know an eight year old could play so well!" Kisame looked at Itachi, who was smiling as he played with his sword. "Wait a minute... You taught him how to cheat! Now he owes me chores!" Kisame said angrily.
"Did you catch him cheating?" Itachi asked, still smiling. Itachi was a formidable foe when playing card games, nothing could get past his sharingan and nothing could defeat his cheating skills.
"Well not really... He shuffled really fast... And he was dealing really quick while I was distracted." Kisame replied, making excuses for losing to an eight-year-old. "Anyway, what kind of a older brother are you! Teaching an innocent boy howto cheat!"
"You notice how fast his hands were right?" Itachi asked, to which Kisame nodded. "He's outside, training to improve the speed of his handseals. He's been doing it for a week, and making pretty good progress."
"Even though he's not a genius, he is a hard worker." Kisame sighed, and headed outside the underground base, towards the training Naruto. Just when Kisame was about to use the handseals to open the door, it opened right before his eyes. Naruto, sweating and exhausted, appeared from behind the doorway.
"I did it!" Naruto managed to breath. "And I also did some Taijutsu along the way..." Naruto nodded towards the scratched trees.
"You can do the handseals fast enough now, ay? One less thing to teach." Kisame smirked. "Your Taijutsu is pretty dodgy though, I guess I'll get Shin or someone to work on it with you..."
"At least now I don't have to have anyone open the door for me!" Naruto grinned. "One step closer to becoming Hokage!" As the words left his mouth the Akatsuki leader walked into the room- and he was laughing. "Why do you always laugh when I say that?" Naruto shouted.
"Because it's funny! Whenever you say that, it brings back good memories..." The leader smiled, looking at the boy with the blonde hair and blue eyes, exactly like his own. "But Naruto, I must congratulate you with the handseals, I might even consider teaching you a jutsu soon."
"C'mon Kazuma-sama! Teach me something now!" Naruto said.Naruto especially added the -sama, in case it would influence his decision. He would never normally be this polite, unless he was annoying the Akatsukis with requests to learn a new jutsu, which always worked except with Orochimaru and Kazuma. Kazuma was laid back, and most of the time pretended to be busy, where as Orochimaru just didn't like Naruto, and Naruto selected Orochimaru as the one Akatsuki member he didn't like.
"Shit Naruto!" Kisame shouted, turning around to see a fist smash the kitchen wall.
"He awoke..." Kazuma started, before Itachi and Kisame chimed in and in a freaky unison said - "The Demon." Itachi, Kisame and Kazuma all hid under the kitchen table, as a slender figure climbed through the large hole. A young, beautiful woman with long blue hair and blue eyes glared from the hole that was once a wall. Her eyes pierced like knives at the cowering figures under the table. She was in her sleeping gown, because unlike the rest of the guys - she didn't sleep naked.
"WHO WOKE ME UP!" She growled. Turning to Naruto she smiled sweetly, waved and said a small "Hello". She marched her way over to the kitchen table, and broke it straight in half with her fist. Taking out a kunai from her pocket she threw it so it landed right below Kisame's groin. She was a perfect shot, so the three Akatsuki's knew what she wanted.
"Sorry Ayame-sama!" The three called in unison.
"And..." Ayame asked.
"It won't happen again!" Kazuma chirped. Ayame, satisfied, turned around to leave, but caught a comment from the shark-man.
"Your legs look nice in that sleeping gown..." Kisame sneered. Stopping in her tracks, Ayame turned around and smiled sweetly at Kisame.
"Why thank you." Ayame said, to which Kisame was relieved, happy that she was not actually tempted to break his body in half. .It took the Akatsukis three seconds to realise that this was not her nice smile, but her evil smile. She threw a match at Kisame's cloak and before he knew it, he was on fire - literally. He ran laps around the shattered table, still on fire, with Itachi and Kazuma bearing looks of shock on their face.
Deidara, the clay artist, and Sasori, the man encased in a puppet shell, took one look at the flaming shark man, the angry kunoichi and the shocked boy and walked out of the room as quickly as they had came in. Zetsu, or as his friends called him "Mr. Fly Trap" for the Venus Fly Trap wrapped around his head, did the same, but went to the refrigerator to grab five packets of Tim-Tams before making a quick exit. Marching through the door, an angry, pale skinned, long haired man walked in.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" Orochimaru yelled, he hated it when his precious work was interrupted by the likes of these "psychos". 'One day...' He thought. 'I'm definetly going to leave this nuthouse...'
"WHO ARE YOU TELLING TO SHUT UP!" Ayame yelled back. Orochimaru stood frozen in horror as Ayame punched him right through a wall, and then another wall, and then another wall, and then some more walls till he finally laid unconcious under a pile of rubble. Orochimaru was left tocurse the fact that Kazuma had built so many rooms.
Shin, a tall, brown haired man, who had his large iron hammer tied onto his back, cooly walked through the wall Orochimaru had just been punched through. Casually waving to the angry kunoichi, he walked over to the flaming sharkman, took out a cigarette, lit it, took one puff and left
"Hey Ikakku!" Shin called out to hisfellow Akatsuki memberbefore leaving through the same hole in the wall. "Could you please come down here and clean up this mess?" By clean up this mess, Shin really meant to calm down Ayame. Ikkaku, an average sized manwalked into the room, and stared at Ayame and the destruction surrounding her.
"Not again Ayame..." Ikkaku sighed. Flexing his arms, his muscles became engorged, and were as big as basketballs. Walking up to Ayame, he picked her up with his now giant hands, and brought her back to her room so she could go back to sleep. Ayame could be heard screaming down the hallway, vowing to come back and cause somemore havok.
"That was random..." Naruto thought out aloud. Realising everyone had either gone into hiding, or was unconcious, he decided to start making his ramen. As he was making his ramen he failed to notice that Itachi and Kazuma were now hiding in the kitchen closet incase Ayame came back, Kisame was still running around the house engulfed in flames, Orochimaru laid unconcious about two miles from where Naruto was standing, Sasori and Deidara were locked in their rooms, Zetsu was in the lounge room having a "Sex and the City" DVD marathon while chomping down packets of Tim-Tams, Shin was calmly having a smoke outside, Ikkaku (now with normal sized arms) waswatching Ayame, whowas now sound asleep.
This is the Akatsuki.
Later That Night... "What Do S-Class Criminals Talk About Over Dinner?"
"I can't believe it's been a month!" Kazuma sighed, resting on his chair at the meeting table with his fellow Akatsuki members. It was already past Naruto's bedtime (Ayame had taken on the motherhood role for Naruto, and no one could stop her) and the Akatsuki's were having their meeting in the "Meeting Room". Accompanying this room was also another kitchen built on Kazuma's insistence. Kazuma had also halted his building plans, to take time to repair all of the walls Ayame had broken.
"A month of wholesome family togetherness?" Shin said sarcastically, before taking another puff of his cigarette.
"Take it outside, or don't bring it in Shin!" Ayame complained, taking out a small Japanese fan to blow away the smoke. Shin took the cigarette and pressed the butt into his hand. A long, sizzling sound was made, but there were no scars on Shin's skin as he carelessly tossed what was left of the cigarette away.
"A month of midnight meetings..." Shin sighed. "Do we get a mission yet?"
"Yeah." Kazuma said, falling into his deep space of imagination.
"And..." Ikkaku nodded for the leader to continue on.
"Mostly bounty hunting missions." Kazuma said. "The mainpointof these is to gain alarge amount of money, and also make a name for ourselves."
"What about the teams you were talking about?" Itachi asked.
"Well I figured, since there are ten of us, we might aswell split us into pairs. The missions will run more smoothly that way, and one can bail the other one out in case they get into any trouble." Kazuma explained, to which the rest of the Akatsuki members nodded.
"So who do I go with?" Kisame asked.
"Since you asked first, then we'll start with you to make it easy. I made the pairs based on your various skills and powers." Kazuma cleared his throat, pulled out a small scroll and started reading the names. "Kisame, you will be paired with Itachi. You'll be responsible for all the assasination missions and such." Kisame and Itachi looked at each other, smirked (they had recieved the funnest job) then went back to let Kazuma continue."Your missions will be handed out later. Shin, you'll be matched up with Ikakku. You'll be responsible for defending this place, and attacking other people. Zetsu and Orochimaru, you both shall be the ones todo the searching.Spy and do stealthy stuff like that new Bond movie."
"I thought that was still being filmed?" Zetsu asked.
"They finished about a week ago, it was rather disappointing... I miss you Sean Connery..." Kazuma shook his head, as if he was about to cry about the fact that his favorite movie franchise had been ruined. "Sasori, you and Deidara will do all the capturing. And lastly... Ayame and Me... We'll do everything else." Ayame looked very pissed off at her leader. Kazuma knew that whoever he paired her up with, she'd still be pissed off.
"I have a question for you Kazuma." Itachi asked. "What about Naruto? He still has his "demons" inside him..." Itachi had rather not called Naruto a "container" or "Jinchuuruki". He found that most insulting to Naruto and would make sure to hurt anyone who called him such.
"The Kyuubi still is the most important of our plans... But that doesn't mean we're going to use Naruto. He'll be under our care, being under the situation he is in right now, a lot of people would be interested about his whereabouts." Kazuma said.
"And what of his dream of becoming Hokage?" Kisame wondered.
"If it ever doeshappen, it would be quite hilarious, don't you think?" Kazuma asked.
"So you think he can't do it?" Ayame asked, to which Kazuma smiled.
"No not at all. That would just make the first Akatsuki Kage..."
Naruto, Age 9, 2 months later... "Birthday Celebrations"
The Akatsuki were drunk. Outside of the base they would always be cool, calm and frightening to everyone around them, but once in a while they needed their release. A thing about the Akatsuki was that most of them couldn't hold their own when drinking - especially Orochimaru. Shin, unlike the rest of them, could hold his ownand just stood by and laughed at everyone else. Kazuma himself could stand the alcohol, but just pretended to be drunk for fun and for the sake of it. The funniest part of it all though, was the fact that the drunken Akatsuki's were trying their best to sing in pitch - while still taking big gulps of their alcohol.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" The Akatsuki sung out loudly. Orochimaru, who was usually conservative, was out of his mind, dancing around like only drunk people can do. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO NARUTO! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
"AND YOU SMELL LIKE ONE TO!" Kazuma, the leader, laughed out so loud, that he nearly fell off the table he was standing on. Kisame had bad footing, and fell off a chair he was standing on. As he did fall off though, his sword scraped the mist headband on his head. In his drunkeness, Kisame put the headband on, and flew around the room pretending to be Super Ninja or something like that. He stared at the headband with a slash across the symbol.
"Hey loo- loo- LOOK EVERYONE!" Kisame belched out. Pointing at his head band. "Lack... Lick... Like! Like my headband!"
"Wow..." Deidara said, before they all took out their head bands, drew out a kunai and made a slash across it. Kazuma was the only one who didn't do it, because he didn't have a headband. "Happy birthday Naruto!" Deidara yelled out, to which everybody in the room raised their glass and repeated the phrase.
"Uh, thanks..." The now 9 year old Naruto managed to smile in front of his drunken friends. Itachi walked behind Naruto and slumped himself over the young boy's shoulder.
"Now Naruto! Here's your pre... your pre..." Itachi tried to get the words out of his drunken mouth.
"My present!" Naruto smiled.
"Yeah, here you go!" Itachi managed to hand Naruto a new Uchiha shirt with the Uzumaki swirl on the back and a new pair of pants.
"Ok... Guys..." Kazuma said. Naruto laughed, the usually graceful Akatsuki were off the walls. "Let's do the jutsu before we start killing each other. Like last time..." Kazuma's eyes swirved over to Ayame, who was practically destroying whatever got in her way.
"Aw man... It was fun watching you guys..." Naruto sighed as the Akatsuki started off the handseals. After perfroming the jutsu, the Akatsuki were turned back to normal. In normal life, getting drunk could only be overcome by bed rest, but if you were a ninja then the only difficult part was trying to perform the justu when you can't even walk a straight line.
"That was fun..." Kazuma smiled.
"You guys looked all looked like fools!" Ayame laughed.
"And you didn't?" Kisame shot back. Orochimaru chose to seclude himselffrom the laughing group,angry that he allowed himself to get that drunk. "What's up your bum, Mr. Anti-Social?" Kisame called to Orochimaru, who just pulled the finger at him.
"Birthday Jutsus!" Naruto grinned, heading for the staircase.
"Naruto, it's late at night, should you really be training now?" Sasori asked, seemingly suffering from a hangover. For special occasions, or for getting drunk, Sasori would get out of his shell- literally. Outside he wasn't really that tall, but he still could strike fear in the eyes of his opponents.
"It's 3:00 pm..." Naruto replied. "And you all promised me for my birthday..."
"That we'd each teach you a jutsu..." Kazuma sighed. "Hey Itachi what were you going to teach him?"
"I already taught him a technique. He asked for an early birthday present, so I gave him one." Itachi said, back to his normal self.
"And what was that?"Ikkaku asked, the genius that copied many jutsus could probably teach anything.
"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu..." Itachi said.
"Kage Bunshin!" Kisame exclaimed. "That's crap! Teach him something cool, like the Mizu Bunshin!"
"Mizu Bunshin?" Deidara sighed back. "A clay bunshin would be perfect for Naruto!"
"Weak!" Sasori coughed out loudly, causind Deidara to turn around and give him the evils.
"What'd you say?" Deidara growled.
"Why use a bunshin when you have puppets?" Sasori asked. Inside his large puppet shell, he was smirking - though it wasn't like it mattered, none of them would see it.
"Why?" Ayame asked. "I was going to teach him a more useful technique then any of you idiots could produce."
"What exactly? How to scare guys off with your strength?" Zetsu laughed, Kisame and the rest immediately backed away from what was going to happen.
"I'll show you strength!" Ayame yelled, but before she could take a punch, Zetsu had already disappeared through the walls. Orochimaru walked back into the group, and stood next to Naruto.
"Quiet fools, I already have a lesson planned for him." Orochimaru growled. "Just don't interrupt." The Akatsukis were shocked by Orochimaru's comment. Why the hell did Orochimaru want to train and teach Naruto?
"Is this a joke? Orochimaru actually teaching Naruto?" Kazuma laughed. "Woah... I thought I'd see a pig fly before that happened."
"There's nothing funny about it. What are you guys staring at!" Orochimaru glared atthe restof the group.Grabbing Naruto by the collar, who was ecstatic that he was going to learn a jutsu from Orochimaru, he took Naruto outside, to begin their training. Itachi took one look at the back of Orochimaru, walking out the door, and through his eyes he knew something was wrong...
THAT'S IT FOLKS! Geez that took longer than I thought... Damn computer, broke down when I finished the first copy of the chapter. The ending and events to the first copy of the chapter was actually alot different than what I wrote here, though I'm happy I did it. By next chapter the stories of the 4 Akatsuki OC's - Kazuma, Shin, Ikkaku and Ayame - will all be explained, I might also add a little profile of them in the next chapter as well.
Coming Up Next... What Is Orochimaru Planning?
