Chapter 4
Mel
It had been three weeks since Mel had operated on Tommy. Like all surgeries, it was a slow and delicate affair as she cut away the putrid tissue in his thigh and finally managed to extract the steel core 9mm round that was lodged within. In the end that part was as straightforward as she promised Maria.
His arm was a different story. As she worked, it became clear that the damage was worse than she had thought and her fears were realized when she started extracting all sorts of detritus from it. There were tiny shards of plastic, already rotting wood splinters and even a tiny ceramic bead that must have started life on a necklace of some sort.
Then there was the bone. If they'd had an X-ray machine they might have saved a lot of time and mental anguish. His wrist was shattered and splintered in multiple places. Once she'd determined that and consulted Doctor Cosgrove, everything concluded relatively quickly and without hiccup. Tommy lost the arm from the elbow down, but she was ecstatic she'd managed to save the rest of it. It had been a while since she'd felt the special kind of high that came after saving a life and she realized how much she'd missed it.
She'd put Tommy back together and broken the news to Maria alone, without Gideon backing her up. This too felt like progress in it's own way, she still felt uneasy around the older woman, but she at least felt she could walk into their weekly check-ins with her head held high.
Tommy on the other hand was a different story. She'd been actively avoiding the man since he regained consciousness. Every time she saw him, she remembered the first time she met, at the lodge greeting her warmly, shaking her hand and introducing his brother Joel. He offered Mel and her friends kindness and in return they'd knocked him unconsciousness and tortured and killed his brother. The next time she'd seen him, at the aquarium, she was at his mercy. Their places reversed; he had offered her no violence and she had seen no hate in his eyes, only sadness.
So when Mel arrived at Maria's for her weekly check-in and Tommy answered the door, she was immediately uncomfortable. He was getting used to his still quite limited mobility, limping with the aid of a crutch wedged under his good arm, but he still struggled to get the door open. She should have helped, but instead stood awkwardly in place like a particularly large sack of potatoes.
"You gonna stand there all day?" He grunted.
"Sorry…" She replied sheepishly, following him inside.
"Maria's tied up so pull up a pew" Tommy said, gesturing at the lounge.
"How's the leg feeling?" Mel asked, taking a seat on the same couch she'd waited on her first day in Jackson.
"What happens if I say bad, will you chop that off as well?" He said, perfectly deadpan.
Mel just shuffled awkwardly, unsure of how to respond to that.
"Jesus Christ, they not have jokes back in Shit-attle? Legs doing better. You're off the hook"
"Cool… Are you doing the exercises?"
"She makes me, you'll be pleased to hear" He said, lowering himself with great care into a seat.
"Great, just remember not to push yourself, it'll be a long recovery, but longer if you try and rush it"
"Roger that"
They drifted into an awkward silence. To her shame, Mel was actually quite relieved that Doctor Cosgrove had taken the lead on Tommys post-op care and physical therapy. Despite all the other awkward and gut-wrenching conversations she'd put herself through in her quest for some kind of resolution to the emotional battle that was raging constantly in her head, she just didn't know what to say to Tommy. For his part, he had been doing his best to pretend she was just some weird, awkward young woman, rather than one of the people who had helped torture his brother. He didn't seem to hate her or resent her presence here, which made it even worse.
Thankfully Maria came to the rescue, leading her into her office. Mels feelings toward Maria were almost as complicated. Maria's demeanor had warmed and she was attempting to transition from the parole officer type relationship she had with Mel to something more benign, like a school guidance counselor (both of these concepts were fairly abstract since there were no longer justice and education systems in the traditional sense).
However she still exercised just about complete control over Mels destiny and that of the baby that would arrive very soon now. Mel found it hard to trust people who had absolute power, for good reason. The Salt Lake Crew joined the WLF seeking safety and community, but had been thrown into an increasingly bloody war at the whims of a despot who she now realized was completely unhinged in his quest to exterminate the Seraphites he no longer saw as human. Isaac had fractured the Salt Lake Crews soul and that day in Jackson had shattered it completely, for Mel at least.
Maria was different though and that was something Mel needed to remind herself. Isaac was aloof and commanded through a carefully cultivated sense of awe and fear. Maria led Jackson with an open door and a down-to-earth, approachable attitude. However she wasn't someone you wanted to piss off.
"Hey Maria… Tommy says you're making him do the exercises?" Mel said, making a proactive effort to not be too awkward. These meetings were becoming shorter and shorter. Mel thought she'd been doing everything right. Pulling her weight. Playing her part. She didn't have anything she really felt the urge to talk to Maria about.
"Sooner he gets better, the sooner he can quit being such a layabout. He's going insane and he's driving me fucking insane as well"
"Movement in that leg is looking better. He should be able to get out a bit more. Might even be able to ride again soon…"
"And what about you? You're still looking remarkably spritely given how close you are"
"I'm probably a bit like him. Go a bit crazy if I don't stay active..."
"Doc says you're working hard. Still singing your praises as well"
"He's probably over exaggerating…"
"Not his M.O. You're doing what you said you would"
"Then why am I still living in that box?" Mel asked. She'd been building up the courage to ask this question all week, but it came out with a bit more obvious resentment than she had wanted.
"Because I have a whole town to think off. Let's be real Mel, you come from a place of violence and I know you didn't kill Joel, but I'm going to guess you've killed others in that war you people were fighting. There are people here who just about wouldn't know one end of a gun from the other. You people literally called yourselves wolves. I'm not going to let a wolf in with my herd unless I know it's tame and defanged."
"I hated everything about that war… What we had to do. What it made us" Mel just about screamed.
"And I'd love to help you unpack that" Maria replied gently, trying to diffuse the situation.
"I'm not going to hurt anyone here. I've done everything you've asked" Mel said, moving from angry to merely exasperated.
"I know that Mel. If you'd given me a chance I'd have been able to give you the good news without the drama"
"Okay…"
"We're going to move you somewhere more permanent, could be as early as tomorrow if you want. It's nothing fancy or big, but it's warm and it's yours"
"Really?"
"Really"
"Thank you…"
"You've kept your word. I'm keeping mine. You can thank Jesse as well. He's been hounding me for weeks"
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised... Why does he care so much?"
"Because he's a good kid and he likes you. If he's too much, you need to have to have that conversation with him"
Mel thought about that for the rest of the day. She owed Jesse a lot. It was Jesse who brought her here and who looked after her those first few days as she adjusted to this strange new place. He hadn't judged her for her past and had helped her through more than a few mental breakdowns and panic attacks. He was sweet. However, that was just Jesse from what she could tell. He was a nurturer with a kind soul. This made him a bit hard to read. She didn't really know if he was being so lovely because that was his nature or if he liked her. Maybe both?
Then there were her own feelings. She'd loved Owen. That he hadn't loved her in the same way, didn't make her love any less real. Mel still saw his face, his smile and she still missed him. Maybe she always would. Added to that were the hormones pumping through her pregnant body, making every day an emotional roller coaster ride.
On balance, and after a lot of thought, she concluded she probably did have feelings for Jesse, but all this should have been beside the point. She was due in just a few weeks now. Her baby should be her priority. The more she thought about it all the more confusing it all seemed to get. At least I've got somewhere to really call home now.
And so she finished her day packing and tidying. Her sleep that night though, was light and fitful as the past and her future plagued her tired mind.
Jesse
Jesse's mind was less confused but equally as cautious. It was true, after the aquarium he had felt responsible for Mel. She had come to Wyoming with her friends hunting Joel and they'd found him… and then killed him. But he didn't think she deserved to die and her baby certainly didn't. He did what he thought anybody should do and offered her another chance. She'd accepted and now she was here. In the intervening weeks he'd helped her as best he could and gotten to know her.
Mel was complicated. She was riddled with anxiety and sadness, but things seemed to be changing for her as she came to grips with Jackson and what her future could hold. As she started to come out of her shell, he got to see who she really was. She was fiercely intelligent and devoted to her work. That she got so much out of helping people, spoke volumes of the idealism and kindness that lay under that jaded and guarded exterior. She was also funny and a bit of a nerd when she let her guard down enough. Jesse was starting to like her more and more.
She was always happy to see him and was a lot less jittery when he was around. Dina had noticed this as well and went to great lengths to rib him for it. She was convinced there was some kind of mutual attraction there, but Jesse was less sure. In reality, he had no idea whatsoever how she saw him and he didn't want her to think he'd been helping her to get in her pants or that she owed him, because he hadn't and she didn't. Besides, she was about to have a baby and he didn't want to complicate her life any more than it already was.
Thankfully, Maria had finally caved and allotted her a place she could make her own. She never complained about it to him, but he could tell Mel was getting agitated living in that prefab, not being able to nest. Her list of possessions had grown as she adapted to the colder climes of Wyoming, no longer living out of a small backpack, so he wasn't surprised to see her awkwardly struggling out of her old front door with an overflowing backpack and carrying a precarious looking mountain of clothes and other whatsits.
"Hey! Need a hand"
Half the mountain collapsed and Mel briefly shot him a filthy look.
"I'm fine" she replied, trying to awkwardly pick up the dropped clothes as more avalanched off. This was another side of Mel he found oddly endearing. She could be relentlessly stubborn when she wanted to be.
"It kinda looks like you need a hand" he laughed "do you even know where you're going?"
"I've got a map!"
"How were you planning on reading it while you're carrying all that shit?"
"Okay. You win!" she said with obviously exaggerated resignation after thinking that through for a few seconds.
"A bag might be helpful as well" Jesse said, as he placed the empty duffel bag he was carrying down and helped her load it up.
"Were you just carrying that around on the off chance you'd run into someone moving house?"
"Um no, I was coming to give you a hand"
Mel paused and looked at him with those piercing brown eyes.
"I know I'm like a broken record, but please don't feel like you have to help me with everything. You don't owe me anything"
"I don't. Feel like I have to, I mean. Really. But you're cool, so yeah. You can tell me to fuck off if you want, promise I won't take it personally"
"No, no. I don't want you to fuck off" Mel smiled, grabbing his hand and squeezing it gently, almost as if by reflex. Her face immediately flushed red and she looked away, her hand instantly recoiling awkwardly. Before Jesse could say or do anything, she was on her feet carrying both bags off at a brisk pace "You coming?" She asked flatly without looking back.
"Wait up!" Jesse shouted after her. She may have had the pregnant waddle, but she could waddle fast. "Let me grab one of the bags" He said as he caught up to her. She was still red in the face and steadfastly avoided eye contact as she handed over the duffle bag. He could see her chest moving up and down faster than it probably should have been. Then she was off again. He felt like he'd fucked up somehow, but she'd caught him by surprise.
"Mel, come on" He said as he once again worked to catch up.
"I'm fine" She replied briskly.
"You're going to wear yourself out"
He grabbed her hand and pulled her to a stop. Tears were beginning to form in her eyes.
"Sorry. Weird hormonal shit..."
Taking what felt like an immense risk, Jesse drew her into a hug. She flinched but then rested her head on his chest as he ran a hand through her short dark hair. They stood like this, silently, for a couple of minutes in the quiet street and then the time felt right and Jesse lightly kissed her on her head. After a few moments she pulled away, still holding his hand, looked up, wiping her eyes and smiled.
"Let's go"
Mels new home was a small, single story, two bedroom cottage. Out front was a small, and currently bare, front yard. She was visibly excited as they entered through the front door into a small lounge and dining area, immediately dropping her pack and rushing off to explore. Maria had made sure that it was furnished, however sparsely. In the living space there was an old three seater couch, upholstered in a garish plaid pattern, as well as a small dining table with a few chairs. Apart from a few mismatched cupboards and the woodburner, that was about it.
He followed her into the small kitchen as she opened cupboards and draws, taking in the pretty random assortment of cooking equipment, utensils and crockery. There was a gas powered stove and in the corner sat a big old fridge, humming away contentedly. He'd never seen her quite this ecstatic and bubbly.
"This is great!" she exclaimed, almost bouncing "Now I just need to learn to cook"
"You can't cook?"
"Not well at least… We had a mess, with cooks and stuff. It's fine, I can read instructions. Come on I want to see the rest"
They rounded out the tour with the two, once again sparsely equipped, bedrooms. Each containing a bed, wardrobe and drawers. However the larger of the two also contained a very sturdy looking antique cot. On the floor was a large cardboard box full of an assortment of second hand baby clothes, which Mel promptly emptied onto the bed and began rifling through. After a few minutes of watching in awkward silence, Jesse realized she was quietly sobbing.
"You okay" He asked softly, gently laying a hand on her shoulder. She turned smiling, holding a tiny pair of socks.
"I'm great. Sorry, hormones again. Happy tears!"
Jesse showed her the trick to the old gas stove and explained how the hot water worked. Gas hot water this time, much better than the wetback the cabin had. After that they just talked. Opening like a book, Mel seemed completely at ease for the first time since he'd met her. She went on an extended tangent about an incredibly bizarre sounding science fiction series she was reading on that battered old tablet and they exchanged stories, not all of them happy.
She told him about her parents, or what she remembered of them at least. They'd died when she was only nine, throats slit by hunters on a dark moonless night as she hid under a burnt out old car. They had taught her well and she didn't cry out. She stayed there, hidden and alone, for two days staring at their cold bodies until sharp eyes noticed a small foot poking out and a kind face had peeked under the car. It was a Firefly patrol that found her and with them that she thought she'd found a future.
Jesse told her about how he came to be in Jackson and what early life had been like. He'd grown up in a smaller settlement in Colorado. Like Jackson, it was peaceful and calm. However it lacked Jacksons defenses and one day, over a decade ago now, a large militia group had rolled in like the vikings of old, razed the town, taking what they wanted and murdering indiscriminitely. Jesse and his parents had escaped, but his dad still bore the scars. They struggled on for months, moving from place to place, only one step from starvation until a patrol from Jackson had stumbled upon them freezing to death in the snow. In Jackson they found community and safety.
The world they had grown up in was filled with danger, pain and loss, but they were both survivors.
Neither of them felt the overwhelming urge to talk about their feelings for each other, but Jesse thought that was okay. Not everything needed to be an in-depth discussion at this point. What Mel needed now was space and the time to settle into her new home and Jesse was scheduled for a patrol. As he left, they once again hugged tightly and this time, Mel bounced up and gave Jesse an incredibly brief kiss. Small steps he thought to himself, smiling.
"I friggin knew it!" Dina laughed.
"Yeah, yeahhh. How long are you going to milk this for?"
"Forever. I'm always right, you should know this by now"
He felt a little bad telling Dina, but he trusted her to keep it to herself and not make a big deal about, at least around Mel. Even though they were no longer together, Jesse and Dina were still close. If he could confide in anyone, it would be Dina. Still, he expected she'd mock the shit out of him for a while.
"And you just about a fucked it up as well! You dumbass"
"How?!" He asked
"On the street, you should have kissed her when she grabbed your hand"
"No I fucking shouldn't have. Have you seen how jumpy she is"
"That's exactly why you should have. Rip that bandaid off"
"She could probably tell you a better way to take a bandaid off…"
"Whatever. You're a dumbass. I'm always right. Yadi ya"
"Maybe don't mention this to Ellie?"
"Sure, she's not a moron though and she's not going to hold it against you. She'll think it's hilarious"
"Lot of bad blood there…"
"Yeah but she's doing better"
Jesse had noticed it as well. Ellie was starting to warm significantly. She was far less jumpy and was no longer taking every patrol she could get her hands on. She was even smiling and laughing again. But her pain ran deep and although she was pulling out all the stops in her effort to move forward, he still caught glimpses of that inner turmoil.
Her quest for vengeance was over though. She was still convinced that Abby, Joel's killer, was still out there, but it looked like she no longer possessed the drive to do anything about it. She had spent a lot of time with Tommy as he recovered. They'd talked about Joel for hours, remembering the man who meant the world to them in their own specific ways. They had laughed and cried, and together they reached an understanding of what Joel would have wanted for both of them. That was a future as far removed from his past as possible.
Ellie had taken the first few steps in the wrong direction, but it wasn't too late. Her compass was set due north now and so was she. Like Mel, her journey would be long with mountains to scale and rivers to traverse, but she had people to guide her through the dangers and brace her against the cold winds.
