Disclaimer: I do not own One-Punch Man.
Chapter 7: Martial Arts and an Esper, Part II
Tatsumaki leisurely glided all around the interior of the dojo, taking in all the sights that the place had to offer. Which was to say: pretty much none.
The place was almost completely empty. Sure she was no fan of messy clutter, but the amount of wasted space there was in relation to the lack of things to fill it almost made the esper agoraphobic. The structure was just as old-fashioned on the inside as it appeared on its outside. Having been said, there didn't seem to be a single part of the abode that was comprised of anything other than wood. The walls were made up of simple planks set together to panel the base in long rows. Even the doors were designed the same. Apparently little details like wallpaper and carpeting were luxuries that eluded Silver Fang. To each their own...
The only feature she really found that gave the dojo any sort of character was a plaque on an overhead wall that had the message "ADVANCE FEARLESSLY TOWARDS ONE'S GOAL" inscribed in obnoxiously bold kanji. What a sad joke.
While she continued to observe the lonely plaque, Saitama made himself right at home by proceeding to nonchalantly slide along the slick surface of the waxed flooring, almost as if it were an ice-skating rink. Charanko and Lily busied themselves with the finishing touches for the refreshment table, which consisted of a hotpot, and a bunch of various ingredients and side dishes. To the side of the large room, two low table were merged together, set up with a bunch of tatami mats evenly situated to one side, assuring that everyone seated would face away from the wall and out to the main floor.
To Tatsumaki, something about this arrangement seemed a bit too deliberate. What was the old geezer up to?
She didn't have much time to speculate on Bang's intentions, because the front doors slammed open, causing everyone inside to jump.
A hurried cyborg was revealed at the entrance, hoisting a large box on one of his shoulders.
"I have arrived!" Genos loudly announced his presence to the company inside. "I apologize for making all of you wait!"
Bang turned around to face him, closing his eyes with a welcoming smile. "Always better late than never. It's good to see you again, boy."
"God, were you hoping to kick the door down? You scared the crap out of me, man..." Charanko uttered, holding a hand to his racing heart.
"Nice to meet you!" Lily announced bubbly.
Genos gave the martial artists a respectful nod before turning to face Saitama. "Master! I have done it! I have retrieved adequate substitutes for the crabs that I..." He paused to carefully pick out the right word to use. "...misplaced on the train."
"Good going, Genos." Saitama replied with a casual smile. "Hearing that almost makes me not wanna punch you for leaving me alone with 'She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named'..."
"I'm right here, you know..." Tatsumaki huffed at him as she flew in closer.
"Hm? What?" Saitama played it off innocently. "What makes you think I was referring to you?"
"Because out of everyone else, you're the only one still too retarded to pronounce my name firsthand." She replied harshly. "I wasn't born yesterday. I know when wise-asses are gossiping about me."
At the notice of the temperamental creature that had habitually catapulted him all over Creation, Genos narrowed his eyes into a cold, soulless leer. "What is...that...doing here..." He asked this as if he were addressing a parasitic worm writhing its way out of a pustule.
Tatsumaki's jaw dropped at his word choice. "Did you just call me a 'That?!' We went over this! I told you I'm not an object!"
Saitama shrugged. "Well, after you left, she begged me to let her come along after hearing there was food. In fact, she was so weak from starvation that I had to carry her all the way up here. Isn't that sad?"
As if it was even possible, the esper's jaw dropped even lower, and she let out a huge gasp at the obvious lie. "Wha—I—are you…! You can't…!" It took several seconds for her to calm down enough to form a coherent sentence. "THAT IS NOT TRUE!"
Genos put a finger to his eye, as if trying to staunch a tear. "Master...you are truly a man among men. Doing all of that for something like her. I hope that one day she can benefit from your example and strive to become just like you."
"Okay, now you're just begging to get tossed again!" She replied, stressfully grinding her teeth. "And you!" She snapped towards Saitama, who held his hands up innocently. "Stop bullshitting bullshit about me you...you bullshitter! Did you already forget how hard you guys tried to get me to stay here?!" She frantically looked back at Lily, who was holding a stack of plates and distributing them across the table. "Hey! You were part of this too! Don't just stand there! Say something…!"
"Auntie's right~!" The girl chirped in cheerful agreement.
Tatsumaki smiled triumphantly. "Ha! Did you hear that?! Auntie's—" Her smile immediately dropped into a scowl, and she spun around to raise her fist at the young weapons expert. "...QUIT CALLING ME AUNTIE, YOU DAMN BRAT!"
"Jeez you're loud..." Saitama grumbled, plugging up one of his ears.
"I will just carry this to the table..." Genos concluded passively, approaching the side bar where all the other refreshments were resting. As he set the container on the high surface, he gasped aloud, suddenly remembering something urgent to report. "Ah, may I have everyone's attention!" All heads present turned and looked at him. "For disclosure, I made absolutely certain that all of the crabs are dead this time! I repeat: all crabs are dead! So there is absolutely no need to panic once I undo this package!"
The entire room unanimously blinked at him with shared confusion as to why the Demon Cyborg sounded like he was heralding the grand opening of Pandora's Box.
"Uhhh. Why the hell would we panic over some stupid crabs?" Tatsumaki tiredly questioned him.
"Genos..." Saitama gave him a concerned stare. "You okay, buddy? You're looking a little pale..."
"Do you want to sit down?" Lily added worriedly.
The cyborg, realizing that he was overreacting as a result of some lingering PTSD from the train incident, put a hand over his mouth to feign a cough. "Uhm...please disregard my warning. Th-the point is that I brought crabs. Dead crabs. Crabs that are no longer living. Unliving crabs. Which we will eat. ...Safely."
Tatsumaki turned to the bald hero next to her and gave him a long stare before whispering, "I think your boyfriend's broken."
Saitama capriciously furrowed his brow at her. "Pfff. Genos isn't my boyfriend..."
"Master!" The cyborg shouted from the table. "Would you care for some butter to dip with your portion of meat?"
Saitama's face brightened into a pleasant smile. "Actually yeah I would. Thanks babe."
Maintaining his stoicism, Genos gave him a sharp wink before fishing out a bar of butter to melt in a separate pan.
Tatsumaki did a double take between the two men, her cartoonish face appearing no less than absolutely mortified at the exchange she just witnessed. Deciding to leave it alone, she flew off to look around some more while the others prepared to cook the meal.
"So I noticed something of vague interest on my way here..." Genos stated, placing a glowing palm beneath the pan to heat up the metal.
"Oh? What's that?" Bang asked him, shuffling his way closer.
"A woman. Of very tall, quite muscular stature." The cyborg gazed down at the stick of butter, watching the yellowish block begin to lose its definition. "I happened upon her as I was ascending the stairway."
Bang scratched his chin thoughtfully. "That's probably my other junior. Did you speak to her at all?"
"I did not get the opportunity. I am uncertain if she even noticed me. She would not stop running. She passed me multiple times on my way up here – sixty-eight, to be precise. She appears to be quite fond of using your steps, Silver Fang."
Bang's eyes widened in disbelief. No one knew better than him how long it took to climb up those stairs, let alone descend them...except maybe Charanko. He had his pupil climb up to the dojo every morning as part of a wake-up exercise, and just doing it once caused the boy to practically collapse into a puddle of sweat when he finally got there.
If this other yet-to-be-met junior partner of his could do all that and so much more, then she wasn't just the live wire he told the others about; she was the whole entire powerhouse. Bearing in mind that sheer amount of potential before even training her, Bang was overflowing with eagerness to see what she could really manage under his tutelage.
"Well...I'm sure she'll be in here as soon as she finishes what she's doing out there." Bang turned to stare out at where Tatsumaki continued floating around the ceiling, as if inspecting it to make sure it was safe. "Anyway..." He spoke just as much to himself as to the cyborg preparing the food next to him. "I wonder what the association was thinking...matching him up with her."
"From what I have witnessed already," Genos responded without taking eyes off of what he was doing, "the Hero Association seems to follow a strange algorithm of matching up heroes to others that have dissimilar styles and mannerisms. This is only my theory, but perhaps the executive board is hoping that the new arrangement will give the participants a versatile edge in combat coordination by immersing them in their partners' contrasting behavioral patterns. I must confess that I do not entirely believe what Sekingar-sama said about merely wishing to bring heroes closer as a matter of fellowship."
Bang closed his eyes to think about what the cyborg said. "Your assessment sounds reasonable to me. It is rather far-fetched to think that two people as different as Saitama and Tatsumaki would ever exactly wind up married to each other. If the association's plan was as cut-and-dry as trying to promote bonds, they would have placed all of us with more like-minded people..."
The two looked out at the open floor just in time to see Saitama nonchalantly grab onto Tatsumaki's ankles as he surfed across the slippery floor, greatly startling the esper and causing her to shoot in the opposite direction. As he still clung to the spooked sprite, the bald hero effortlessly slid right along with her as she flew, turning the event into some sort of deranged version of kite skiing. It was painfully apparent that Saitama had grown bored – and that he expected everyone else to know it too.
Genos and Bang gave the two of them the same uncomfortable look as the latter went on to say, "My other suspicion is that the staff in charge somehow realizes that Saitama may yet be the only person who is capable of handling Tatsumaki's fits of rage." He motioned out to where a rather miffed esper was now hanging off of Saitama's shoulders from behind, locking her legs around his neck and angrily chewing at his ear in retaliation for the joy ride. As just about always, the hairless hero remained totally disinterested at what was happening.
"Sensei can definitely take anything she can throw at him." Genos agreed. "An entire mob of people rallied against my master once. Nothing breaks him. But my primary concern is that he does not seem to fully realize how unworthy of his time that the Tornado of Terror really is." The cyborg's frustrated grip on the pan's handle caused the iron to groan beneath his fingers. "She is a beast. An absolute beast."
"There there now, Genos," Bang lightly cautioned him with a calming hand gesture, "whenever I encounter someone unpleasant throughout my life, the first things I ask myself are the questions hardly anyone thinks to ask: 'Did this person have a bad day?' 'What kind of life has this person led up to this moment that causes them to regard others this way?' 'Were they hurt? Betrayed?'"
Genos chose to loosen his grip on the poor metal instrument before he bent the handle out of shape, closing his eyes to let out a dismayed sigh before pouring the liquid contents of the pan into a waiting bowl nearby.
"Putting yourself in another person's shoes isn't always the easiest thing in the world." Bang admitted. "It doesn't just take practice. It takes living. Decades of it." He turned back to watch the two younger heroes as Tatsumaki continued shouting copious unpleasantries at her egg-headed target, who didn't even seem to be focused on her. "We may never quite know what made Tatsumaki the way that she is. And that's okay. But if there even exists such a way for her to loosen up, perhaps we should feel safe trusting Saitama – the way that the Hero Association already seems to." He looked over his shoulder back at the cyborg, who seemed to be deep in thought. "...Don't you think?"
Genos grabbed a crab out of the box and proceeded stripping the carapace of its meat. "...I do trust Sensei. With everything I have."
Bang let out a hidden grin from beneath his mustache. "I know."
Suddenly, the front double doors burst open for the second abrupt time, causing everyone to give the newcomer their united attention. This time, the sudden noise of the doors being slammed startled Charanko so much that he fell over, dropping a box full of ramekins and saucers in the process. "Oh my gaaaaaawd, seriously?!" He put a hand to his chest, holding his jumping heart. "We need to install a doorbell or something..." His complaints died out quickly, replaced with speechlessness when he laid his eyes on who was passing through.
"Hah...hah…PHEW...!" The silhouette of the stout figure was audibly panting as she powered straight past the entrance, busily washing her glistening face off with a small towel. "A successful one-hundred reps up and down the stairs, and Captain Mizuki comes crashing into the battle!" The new woman in the dojo struck an athletic pose, flexing her impressive muscles before concluding her victory cry. "World Star!"
She let out an exultant chuckle as she approached the center of the room, slinging the towel over her shoulders as she moved in to greet the other heroes.
As was to be expected, the one to call herself Captain Mizuki was built like an absolute machine – even when you compare her with someone like Genos who pretty much already was one. Somehow, someway, the youthful woman managed to strike a textbook balance between being stacked and packed. In fact, she had so much muscle density that Charanko had hung his mouth open on sight of her – feeling emasculated just by witnessing the body definition that he simply didn't come close to possessing.
However, despite her figure being anything but girly, it didn't do much to take away from her natural beauty. Aside from some residual grime from her rigid exercise and a small band aid stuck to her left cheek, she actually had the complexion of a supermodel. Her long dark orange hair was tied up in a high ponytail bound by a scrunchie, revealing the simple golden earrings accommodating her look. Much like Lily's, Mizuki's eyes were touched by the lightest tinge of blue, which also seemed to carry a certain air of innocence with them. This trait held equal footing with the confidence imbuing her smile.
She didn't seem that shy about freeing up some skin, either. There wasn't much she wore in the way of clothing; a tight, form-fitting spandex top coupled with a corresponding bottom quite effectively exposed her six-pack. Her matching articles had a single white stripe riding down each side, as well as the initials "MZK" boldly set on the front. The navy blue color of her apparel might have been a bit more vibrant if it wasn't spattered in dirt from her laborious activities. From her neck hung three distinct golden medallions stacked on top of each other with identical lanyards.
The other occupants in the room were a bit put off by the amount of dust trailing behind her as the girl strode inside with her tennis shoes still on, blissfully unaware of the mess she was making.
The first person Mizuki came up to was Bang. When she stopped in front of him, the athlete propped herself up straight and stood at attention like a soldier, giving him an overly formal salute. "'Sup, Coach!" Stiffly throwing her hand back down to her side, she transformed the gesture into a pliant bow. "It's awesome to finally meet you and stuff! Super sorry I got here so late! I had, like, all this excited energy pent up, and I'm afraid I had to take it out on your stairs!"
Bang raised a bushy white eyebrow at her, amused by her otherworldly stance on ceremony. "So I heard." He replied. "It warms my heart to know that they're getting some use out of them. Then I trust you had no trouble finding the place?"
"Nnnnnope!" She gave him a large, toothy grin. "But wow, I'm crazy stoked about how high up we are! Like, can I use your stairs in the mornings and evenings too?!"
Bang closed his eyes and replied with a pleasant tone. "You may use them as often as you'd like. Maybe some of that fire in your belly will even catch onto my star pupil and ignite his spirit too."
Not hearing the grunt of dismay coming from Charanko off to the side, her eyes lit up in a bright twinkle. "Sweet! Thanks, Coach! I really like the location of your gym! And also..." She peered up over her shoulder, noticing the same plaque that Tatsumaki had earlier. "I also really like that message hanging up there!" She happily pointed up at it. "Just reading it gets me all fired up! It's like crazy super ultra motivating!"
Bang scratched his cheek in humble response to the flattery. "Ohoho… You really think so? My star pupil never even seemed to notice it when I put it up, so I was actually thinking about tearing it down..."
"Nuuuuuuu, dun du daaaaaat~" She clapped her hands together while giving her plea a baby-like pronunciation.
As Charanko watched the exchange from the side, said star pupil did not like the direction this conversation was headed, so he moved in to cut it off.
"Excuse me, but this is a dojo, not a gym." He corrected her semantic with a jagged tone. "I don't expect you to stay for that long, but while you're with us, please at least be sure you can get that much right. And take your filthy shoes off! Can't you see that you brought half of our zen garden inside with you?!"
Mizuki turned to face the martial arts student with an airy stare that seemed to pass right through him.
His teacher gave him a disappointed look. She hasn't been here for even a minute, and his disciple had already decided to alienate her? "Charanko, there's no need to be so—"
"WHOA dude! Your hair! It's orange!" Mizuki pointed at his head in total alarm.
Charanko gave her a puzzled look. "Uhhh, yeah? So?..."
"But..." The athlete hero grabbed a tuft of her own hair to examine it, as if to make sure it was still the same color she thought it was. "But...my hair is orange..." She returned a suspicious squint at the martial arts student, who was growing more and more confused with each word to come out of her mouth. In a show of intense concentration, the girl had both pointer fingers pressed against her head to help her process the information. "But...that can only mean..." She pointed at him to blurt out in wide-eyed astonishment, "My LONG LOST FATHER?!"
Everyone in the room flared up in surprise at her conclusion, but none more so than the boy accused, whose face dropped several pallets in color.
"...What…?" Charanko croaked weakly.
Before anything more could be done, Mizuki rushed him with monstrous speed, bulldozing headlong into his carcass and sweeping him clear up off the floor in a bone-crushing bear hug. "Uwwaaaa! So...so this is where you've been all this time~?! Waaaah!" She bawled hysterically, seemingly unaware of the crunching sound that Charanko's bones were making as her embrace tightened. "You call yourself a man?! H-How could you leave your wife and kid to fend for themselves like that? Mama told me that you were on a business trip every time I asked about you on Christmas! You're cheating on her, aren't you~?!" Even if the suffocating boy had any oxygen left in his lungs to protest, he didn't have enough time before Mizuki hoisted the remainder of all her weight onto him, wrapping her legs around his torso in a child-like glomp. "Take responsibility!" She sobbed. "Hold me! Hold me the way you should've held me so many times when I was a child! Love me, Daddy!"
Coupled with being smothered, Charanko's spine felt like a toothpick standing to hold up a bowling ball. Having reached his limit, he could have sworn he heard Saitama call out the word "Jenga" as the titanic woman rode him all the way down to the hardwood floor. With his vision blurring in and out, Charanko struggled to stay conscious as the heads of Saitama, Genos, Tatsumaki, Lily, and his sensei all encircled his view.
"Wow. And people think I'm a jerk..." Tatsumaki spoke freely with her arms crossed. "You're just straight up garbage, Shujanko."
'It's...Charanko...' The boy had only the strength to protest in his mind.
"That's a rough one, buddy." Saitama added with a small frown as he pulled out his wallet to look inside. "Need help with child support? I can loan you...one, two, three...four yen, aaaaaaaaand a coupon for 20% off your next purchase of sesame oil at Super Mart. ...Expires tomorrow, just FYI."
'I'm about to expire today...'
"Perhaps a DNA test will prove your innocence." Genos suggested, holding up a kitchen knife with a nefarious glint in his eye. "If you hold still for a moment, I would be highly willing to cut you."
'A yandere…?!'
Charanko's eyes were growing increasingly bloodshot from all the less-than-supportive comments he was receiving from the spectators.
A wave of cold sweat rolled over his face as he struggled to breathe under Mizuki's mass and impossibly strong grip. The light around him was dimming. His body was growing numb. With every last ounce of energy he could muster, he fought with the will to live, attempting one last time to wrest himself out of the athlete's mighty arms. But in the end, he would have had better luck trying to pry open the wings of a stone gargoyle.
Bang heaved out a deep sigh, and wishing not to lose the life of his only regular student over such a simple misunderstanding, the elderly man bent over with one arm harmlessly tucked behind his back, using the other to grab Mizuki by the back of her top and lift her clear off the floor as if she weighed less than air. With her muscular body still wrapped around Charanko, both surprised youths now dangled harmlessly, suspended by none other than Silver Fang's surprising strength.
"I believe you have him confused with someone else." Bang explained. "People don't need to be related to have orange hair, and as you can see, he's roughly the same age as you. Please release my student before he breaks."
Finally realizing her mistake, Mizuki's limbs went limp, allowing Charanko to plop to the floor.
"Agh-ack!" He grunted loudly, hitting the hard surface at the exact same time he tried gasping for air.
"Ooooohhh. That actually kinda makes sense." Mizuki put an innocent finger to her lip while letting herself hang from Bang's grip like a kitten grabbed by the scruff. "After all, he doesn't even smell like me..."
"Your B.O. pretty much makes that a compliment..." Tatsumaki muttered from off to the side.
As Bang let the brick-built girl go, Charanko managed to weakly sit up while rubbing his back. Every square inch of where she clung to him was now sore, and he also noticed that his karate gi, once pure white, was now caked with dirt. "That...crazy monster..." He coughed and wheezed while getting the words out, "...she...she tried to kill me…!"
"I'm sure she meant no harm." Bang defended his new guest. "Besides, that which does not kill you makes you stronger, yes?" He gave his apprentice a light-hearted wink.
Charanko, more than a little hurt that his sensei seemed more willing to defend this stranger than his own disciple, dipped his head meekly while attempting to reclaim his breath. "I'll...I'll remember that, Sensei. Thank you...for the lesson." He murmured.
As he still sat rubbing his abused bones, an outstretched hand came down to meet him at his level. He glanced up at Mizuki, who was bent over and smiling apologetically while offering to help get him off the floor. "Sorry about the weirdness, lil' guy. I get sorta confused sometimes…" She closed her eyes with embarrassment, rubbing the back of her neck with her other hand. "So, like...ummmm...we good?"
The shimmering traces of light in her eyes appeared eager for his understanding and forgiveness. Even Charanko could see that the smile she wore wasn't made at his expense, but rather out of shame and regret the likes of which only an innocent child could express.
If not for the fact that his short life was almost snuffed out by her brutish strength, he might have nearly blushed at the sincerity of her expression, even though he personally preferred dainty girls that were smaller than him and more dependent on his protection. But something about the way she was willing to sweep his near-death experience under the rug like it was nothing caused him some lingering umbrage towards her.
Returning her peace offering with a small glare, Charanko pulled himself up without taking her hand. No way was he about to show any weakness by accepting support from some girl. "Che. Whatever." He scoffed distantly. "Just stay away from me. ...Freak."
Taken aback by the cold words, Mizuki's well-meaning smile quickly inverted, and her eyes widened in noticeable pain. She quietly watched his back as he started walking off to pick up the supplies he had dropped upon her earlier entry. After he placed the dishes back on the table, he announced "I'm gonna go wash this crap off. Be back soon." Then, he moved through one of the side doors and disappeared from view.
"Sheesh..." Tatsumaki grumbled, watching the small drama alongside everyone else. "What crawled up his ass and died?..."
"I mean, it was a mistake. She didn't really intend to hurt him...right?" Lily added in concern.
Bang slowly shook his head, the wrinkles in his brow deepening at the shoddy first impression left in light of Mizuki's bizarre mishap involving his apprentice. As he watched the tall athlete somberly remove her shoes and carry them outside, he silently prayed that he had the guidance and wisdom it took just to keep his new round of students from ripping each other apart.
"Well...since we have everyone here..." He shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose now is the best chance we'll get for proper introductions."
Tatsumaki gave him a queer look. "Are you serious? What, that amazon chick showing up and molesting your sidekick wasn't introduction enough?" She snickered lightly.
"You've sure got your work cut out for you, old man..." Saitama added while resting his hands behind his head in a laid-back manner.
"Perhaps I can take the opportunity for introductions to update my hero database." Genos pondered. "I have virtually no information regarding Captain Mizuki or Lily of the Three Section Staff."
Lily made a conscious effort to restore some of the room's positive energy with an optimistic smile. "I just wanna be friends with everyone..."
"Very well, then..." Bang raised a hand high in the air to rally his dojo. "Everyone, gather around!"
Five minutes later, seven people were seated on tatami mats, forming a wide circle in the middle of the floor facing each other.
While traditionalists such as Silver Fang and Lily were propped up on their knees with correct posture, others like Saitama and Mizuki sat on their haunches in their signature laid-back fashions.
"Now then," Bang began, clearing his throat, "why don't we do our introductions by going around the room in a clockwise order. You may share your name, any likes or dislikes that you have, an interesting hobby, and what you hope to accomplish in the future." He watched everyone exchange uncertain glances, so he decided to lead by example. "For instance, I'll go first." He straightened himself up even more to add clarity to his voice. "My hero name is Silver Fang, but of course, everyone here can just call me Bang. I enjoy cooked lobster and spirited youths who are eager to try new things. I also dislike rookie crushers and Chinese cabbage. A pastime of mine is playing chess, and my future goal is to once again fill this dojo of mine with motivated students willing to inherit my passion for martial arts before it's time for me to finally depart from this world."
After concluding his introduction, he looked around the room where everyone continued to sit in silence.
Saitama was somehow first to break out of his trance. "...Oh. Sorry, were we supposed to clap?"
"It is not mandatory." Bang replied. "But if by any chance the introduction manages to move your heart, I will permit you to."
As if waiting for the cue, Captain Mizuki proceeded to go absolutely ape. She must have been averaging at ten claps per second as she cheered "Woooooo! Yeeeaahhhh! Yoouuuth! Motivation! Passion! Cabbage! So hype!"
Everyone else gave the brick-built girl a range of looks – most of which included concern.
"Hoho..." The old teacher lightly chuckled in amusement. He turned to the person sitting to his left. "Alright, Charanko, you go next."
"Mm-kay." His pupil crossed his arms in a serious fashion while addressing the heroes. "Well as you've all just heard, the name's Charanko. Just Charanko. No last name. I like cute girls with delicate figures and flawless hair, and I really can't stand guys that show off. A hobby of mine? Hmmm...being heterosexual. And my greatest hope for the future? That's a tough one too, but I'm gonna have to say it's to grow into an exemplary fighter under Bang-sensei's guidance in order protect the weak and inspire them to become better versions of themselves the way I have. That's all." He bobbed his head to signal the end of his prelude.
Genos remained completely unresponsive. Tatsumaki rolled her eyes at his cliché intentions. Saitama had zoned out watching a dim light flicker towards the back of the otherwise well-lit area. Lily, not wanting to appear unsupportive, gave a few hesitant claps.
While Mizuki's eyes glistened with star-struck wonder from his words, Bang himself hid a small, disapproving frown beneath his mustache. He had known Charanko for a few years now, and it was more than enough time for the old master to deduce the boy's true intentions without hearing a word about them. He knew in truth that Charanko was only interested in learning martial arts in a selfish bid to become more popular – especially with those of the female persuasion. The only reason Bang agreed to go through with teaching him regardless of that is because he foolishly hoped that along the way he could change his apprentice's mindset. Even now he could see how much he failed. Moreover, it wasn't what Charanko truly wanted that disappointed Bang as much as how the neophyte seemed unwilling to at least be honest with it.
Shaking his head softly, Bang decided to let it go as the next person stepped up to plate.
"Nice to meet everyone! My official title is Lily of the Three Section Staff, but that's kind of a mouthful, so please, everyone save your breath by just calling me Lily. My favorite things in the world are cute dresses, romantic comedies, and my beeeaaautiful Boss Fubuki."
'Gaaaaaay.' Tatsumaki internalized her disgust, much to the unawareness of the others present.
"I'm not too fond of pollution or Socialism… My hobbies mainly include gardening and match-making… My goals for the future? Let's see now…" The youngest contributor to the group took a few seconds to think. "I'd have to say that when I get old enough, I would like to establish my own group syndicate and use it to stem the flow of political corruption by taking a practical socioeconomic approach coupled with a brute-force contingency plan in the event of an unprecedented turnover prompted by hostile relations." She ended her explanation with a big, beaming, hopelessly adorable smile. "Eee-hee~"
The rest of the circle fell into a pause so pregnant that you could almost hear its water break.
While the majority struggled to accept that this just came from a girl who was barely past her first period, Saitama leaned towards Genos and asked in confusion "Uhhh...what'd she just say?"
Genos turned towards him and answered. "I believe she said that she would like to form her own group syndicate and use it to stem the flow of political corruption using a practical socioeconomic—"
"No no no, dude, you're literally repeating what she just said."
"Apologies, Master. I thought that was what you wanted..."
Unexpectedly, Tatsumaki simplified the explanation from where she sat on the other side. "The brat wants to form a gang to convince assholes not to be assholes and beat up assholes that still want to be assholes." She explained this without even sparing him a glance of her eye. "Pay attention – you asshole."
Saitama, unsure of whether to actually be grateful or not, just regarded her with a vacant stare before turning to listen to the next speaker.
"Yosh! Whaddup, everybody! Name's Captain Mizuki – or you can even pronounce it Kyaputen Mizuki if you're feeling slightly racist! My friends call me Mizuki, my friendos call me Mizzy, and my totes besties call me Miz! Basically y'all can call me whatever you want!" She grinned broadly. "Umm...what am I supposed to say next?"
"Your likes and dislikes." Bang motioned her.
She nodded abruptly. "Mad thanks, Coach! I like eating, sleeping, and basically doing anything that involves lotsa' movement! I also like guys with a lot of beef on their bones! I like shiny things too! Like, this one time, I decided to stare at the sun for almost an hour! Man that thing's awesome! But I don't like wearing high heels or going to the dentist. ...Or goats. Definitely not goats."
Everyone gave her weird looks while she craned her head to look up at the ceiling to collect the rest of her thoughts.
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh HOBBIES. Yeah, hobbies. Hmm...nope, can't think of any~!" She appeared to be a little too cheerful given what she just confessed. "All I really seem to be good at is running. Oh! And jumping. Not to mention swimming. And pole vaulting. There's also shot putting. And grappling. And throwing things. And breaking things. And—"
"Okay, good, very good, it appears you have a lot of hidden talents." Bang politely talked her down. "What about future aspirations? Tomorrow's goals?"
"Y'know, I'm happy you asked that, because I've put a loooootta' thought into it, Coach!" Her expression was brimming with confidence. "My absolute endgame goal is that one day...when I become strong enough – fast enough – good enough..." She paused for dramatic effect, causing everyone else to unconsciously hold their breath in, "...I dream to become a professional hero! Literally; I had a dream about it. So now I wanna do it for real!"
She glanced all over the room, overexcited to see everyone's reaction to this bold, nay, insurmountably insane objective. Her eccentricity dampened a bit when no one even made a sound.
"Ummm...you already are a professional hero?" Lily corrected her, trying her best to believe that the female athlete wasn't being this dense by accident.
Mizuki blinked and pointed at herself. "I...I am?"
"Well duuhhh!" Tatsumaki spouted, annoyance visibly written on her face. "Why the fuck do you think you're even here with us, you bird-brained cockatoo?"
"No way..." Mizuki's eyes widened. "I'm a real hero? You mean...that wasn't just a bogus dream?!" Her mouth opened into the biggest, brightest smile possible as she shot to her feet and celebrated. "WOOOOOO! I knew I could do it! This is, like, the best day of my life ever! I can't sit still anymore! I gotta do at least ten – no! – fifty victory laps around the building! Don't wait up for me, guys! I'm riding cloud nine right now!"
She took off running in a random direction, and – apparently forgetting how doors function in her newfound excitement – ran straight through the wall and loudly smashed the planks into splinters to get outside.
Charanko put a palm to his face and muttered under his breath, "Jesus Mary and Joseph..."
Tatsumaki blinked several times in her cartoonishly dumbstruck countenance before turning her hopeless gaze to a similarly disturbed Bang. "...Silver Fang…" she started, "...Is she stupid?"
The elder closed his eyes and put a fist to his mouth as he cleared his throat. "Well...um… Some of us here appear to be a bit different, and I for one think that we should only count them as blessings. Now then, I believe you are up next, Tornado."
Her face turned dismissive. "Pass."
"Come now," he insisted, "share a bit of yourself with us. No one here will judge you."
"Yeah, out loud, maybe..." She emphasized with a scoff. "I'm not a sharer."
She fidgeted at the crude sound of Saitama blowing a raspberry while pointing his thumb down in Roman-style disapproval. "Booooooo. Lame. Last chick was funnier. Bring back that happy-go-lucky She-Bulk."
"Oh yeah, like I'm really here to entertain you schmucks!" She shouted at him. "Keep dreaming, Phallus Maximus!"
Saitama turned the other way and looked at his other neighbor. "Well, guess she froze up on us, Genos. I wasn't expecting much anyway, but still. Kind of a letdown, huh..."
"Understood." The cyborg nodded dutifully. "I will proceed to update my virtual dossier on the Tornado of Terror to include crippling stage fright as a confirmed weakness—"
"All RIGHT, already!" She growled at them. Asserting herself by standing up and striking a power pose with her hands on her hips, she turned to aggressively address her waiting public. "My fucking name's Senritsu no Tatsumaki, get it? If you seriously haven't heard of me by now, you can go run back to the rock you've been living under. I don't particularly like anything, and I hate a lot of things. Exhibit A:" she jerked her thumb out not-so-subtly towards a certain Saitama who was reclining on his spot next to her, "...this fucksqueek."
"Just glad to do my part." He added with a careless smile.
She ignored him and continued. "My hobbies include beatboxing, contortion, ice-sculpting, playing the electric guitar..."
Saitama shot up from his flaccid sitting position to stare at her in awe. "Whoa, seriously?!"
A small grin threatened to creep its way across her face as she finished out her list. "...and making people who actually believed those were true feel like total dumbasses."
The wonder in Saitama's face shattered like glass, revealing his abashment at how easily he had been played for a fool.
"And my target goal..." The phantom traces of her taunting smile disappeared as she thought about her hope for the future. "Well..." She put her fingers together and twiddled her thumbs, trying to figure out the least naive way to express her intention. "I...I guess...it would be kind of...interesting to, umm...fall in love."
The rest of the group listening to her let out surprised gasps and grunts at her surprising declaration. If there was a single person in the world who would've guessed what this little green devil would say, that person clearly wasn't sitting in the room right now.
Lily, although still not quite composed from being blindsided by the cold queen's wish, was nevertheless the first to jump and offer her support. "Kyaaa! Incredible, Auntie!" Soft bubbles seemed to physically manifest around the doting girl. "You truly have a maiden's heart after all! Have no fear! I don't at all doubt that you'll find a handsome prince out there worthy of spending the rest of your life with! So just stay strong!"
While Genos and Charanko both elected to express their confusion by remaining silent, Saitama adhered to his more direct approach.
"Hey," he raised his eyebrows in a more skeptical fashion, "are you still yanking our chain?"
Tatsumaki's expression lit up in surprise at his suspicion. "O-of course I'm not! Is it really that hard to believe? I'm a woman, after all. God, don't be so insensitive!"
The two continued to lock eyes, and just as Tatsumaki couldn't bear holding her gaze to him any longer, he unexpectedly broke away first. "Well okay then..."
She heaved a sigh of great relief that she felt all the way to her core.
'Guess they really bought it...' She thought to herself. 'Suckers.'
She wasn't a completely shallow or short-sighted person; she really did have a prospective goal. But why should she actually be willing to share it with this bunch of losers? She looked at it with the same policy as blowing out candles for a birthday cake: say the wish, and it won't come true.
That in mind, she decided to just fake it. Fall in love? Her? Sure, that'll definitely happen. Right after that fatass Pig God loses nine hundred pounds dieting and Sweet Mask comes out of the closet.
...Well...thinking about it more closely, that last scenario might actually prove to be true.
Satisfied that she had pulled the wool over everyone's eyes with her drippy romantic feint, the esper allowed herself to sail comfortably back down onto her mat.
From the other side of the gathering, Bang expressed some silent curiosity by scrunching his eyebrows into a tightly wrinkled furrow. He wasn't born yesterday, and – much like Saitama – had more than a little trouble grasping Tatsumaki's words based on what little about her he already understood. But if the wisdom of advanced aging taught Bang anything besides fighting, it was to know where a woman's bad side was – and how to avoid getting there. Not wanting to glean more from her than she was already allowing him to, the old master decided to just leave her introduction at that. "Ehm...thank you, Tatsumaki, for that...bracing glimpse into your life." His eyes shifted focus onto the composite body of gleaming metal next to her.
Reading the silent nod from Bang, Genos returned it with doubled determination before straightening up his spine. As he prepared his introduction, Mizuki came waltzing back to her spot, apparently satisfied with her jaunt.
"My professionally-sanctioned alias is Demon Cyborg. However, I am also called Genos. That name is short for 'Genocide.' My preferences consist of the insightfully obscure lessons I receive by observing the way Saitama-sensei conducts his affairs."
"Genos..." Saitama weakly called from the side.
"And I severely detest those who look down on Saitama-sensei for his peculiar head and zany fashion sense!" The cyborg vehemently persisted.
"Genos please..."
"My hobbies are comprised of documenting words of wisdom and training techniques from Saitama-sensei in my private journal, as well as surfing the internet for natural hair growth formulas, advanced (and at times legally ambiguous) hair follicle-enhancing procedures, as well as classy wigs."
Saitama covered his face in palpable misery. "Someone kill me..."
"And my existence's primary objective..." Genos narrowed his eyes with intensity… "Well, in order for everyone to fully fathom my ambition, I will have to relay my past..."
Saitama's hands fell from his face, revealing the mortified expression it harbored as Genos could be heard taking in a deep breath next to him. 'Oh dear God no...'
"It all started 4 years ago... I was 15 years old and still a normal human being. Even in this harsh world, I had a pretty happy and peaceful life with my family until then. But one day, a crazy cyborg attacked our town all of a sudden. He had completely lost his mind... I guess, his brain had been damaged during its transplantation into his cyborg body. He left after destroying everything in the town. The parks, the schools, the buildings, my home... Of course, my family didnot survive. OnlyIwasmiraculouslyspared,butasIwasjustameek15yearoldboybackthen,Iwouldn' —"
"GENOS." The sharpness in Saitama's voice finally managed to cut through the oblique details of the cyborg's backstory that for some reason drastically increased in tempo has he went on. "BOI. WE'VE BEEN THOUGH THIS."
Genos, ashamed of himself, cleared his throat. "...An evil machine killed my family, so I want to destroy it."
The two roommates turned to the sobbing noises they heard from across their spots in the circle. Tears were literally streaking down the faces of Lily and Mizuki as they hopelessly wept.
"F-For someone to have gone through so much pain..." Lily's words quivered uncontrollably.
"Poor metal dude…" Mizuki wiped her face with the back of her hand.
Lily closed her eyes in cathartic torment. "...And then on top of it all...to have his story so brutally silenced before it can even be sung…!"
Mizuki loudly blew her nose with the towel still wrapped around her shoulders. "Poor sad metal dude…!"
"You two are actually sympathizing with that overblown recap?!" Saitama frantically spat, dumbstruck at the support Genos's horrible storytelling had gained him.
Bang took the opportunity to cough awkwardly. "I am...terribly sorry for your loss, my young friend. Thank you for opening your heart to us."
Genos gave the elderly man a perplexed stare. "Heart…?" He thought for a few seconds before raising his eyebrows in realizing what he meant. "Oh. You must be referring to my Class III Model T-16 Version 3.5 Fully Bio-Filtered Triple-Calibrated Carbide Compound Processing Engine."
Bang regarded him with an unsteady look. "I suppose I am. Okay, Saitama. You're the last one standing. Take it away."
Giving Genos one last side-glance, the generically-costumed hero shifted his lax position slightly upward in a half-hearted attempt at decency. "Well, as if hearing me repeat my name adds any real significance, it's Saitama. My favorite food is hot pot, hence the reason I'm here. I also like seaweed, and new products of dubious value at stores I don't have to travel too far to get to. I dislike boring, underwhelming things. My hobbies are coupon-collecting and keeping my apartment's cactus plant alive. And my dream..."
Saitama recounted in his mind what he told the first mysterious being he ever defeated three years ago. Looking back now, the dream he had at the time was stupid. Become a superhero who was strong enough to beat bad guys with a single punch? Back then it was a ridiculous wish because it was thought to be impossible. Turns out that now it's ridiculous for an entirely different reason. Which ironically led to an even more ridiculous goal than the one he had before.
Not wanting to cheapen his already cheap desire with an even cheaper backstory, Saitama let out a small sigh before vaguely saying "I want to find someone."
He left the statement floating around the room, causing the other heroes in the circle to peer at him with varying levels of scrutiny. They each had their ways of revealing their intrigue – some more noticeable than others. Genos's curiosity in his master's wish was an easy read. His face did everything short of screaming at the bald man to tell him who he meant. Others like Bang simply leaned forward intently.
Tatsumaki narrowed her eyes at him in waiting silence.
"Someone?" Lily blinked. "Who?"
Saitama's facetious features took a serious turn as he stared at the empty spot in the middle of the circle. "I don't know who. All I know is that I want to find them. I don't even know if they live on this planet. But they have to exist. I know they do." He held up a gloved hand in front of his face, staring at the details and contours of his palm before closing it into a fist. "A being strong enough for me to fight. A being who can survive a single, honest blow from this stupidly overpowered strength I've been cursed with. When that day comes...if that day comes..." He looked around at everyone else with unshakable resolve. "On that day...I'll have everything I could hope for."
Everyone's eyes visibly widened.
Minutes went by. The dojo had fallen so quiet that the air itself seemed to dry up.
Eventually though, there was that first abrupt muffle to slip someone's mouth – symptomatic of a chuckle.
Soon after, another joined in. And another after that.
Until thunderous laughter echoed through the large open space.
Besides Saitama, who had partially expected this behavior, there were three other people in the room that did not join in the mirth:
Genos,
Bang,
and Tatsumaki.
Whether it was due to each of them experiencing his prowess firsthand, or just their more refined posits as S-Class heroes, the trio waited in silence as the juniors in the building finished their amused rounds.
"Aww man, you really had me going there for a second..." Charanko wiped a genuine tear from his eye.
"I'm sorry…! I swear I'm not, hah...I'm not trying to laugh on purpose…!" Lily insisted, even as she was holding her sides with impulsive giggling.
"Dude! That is so hardcore!" Mizuki proclaimed with overabundant cheer, though no one was exactly sure what she meant by that. Her shadow had fully eclipsed Saitama before he even realized she had left her seat. Ever unaware of her abrasive strength, she frivolously swept the Caped Baldy off the floor and into a playful headlock, proceeding to rub a noogie with her knuckle over his barren scalp. "Know what? I didn't even realize how shiny you are! You remind me of Darkshine-senpai. I like you, Shiny Guy!"
"What is happening right now..." Saitama's question came out as an unappreciative muffle from beneath the hyper woman's rock-hard bicep.
Genos sprang up in alert to Mizuki's sudden advance. "I would ask that you refrain from touching my master – least of all in such a carefree manner!"
Mizuki pouted her lip at him, but nevertheless followed instruction. "Toaster-san got mad at me..." She murmured abjectly.
Bang saw this as the perfect time to speak up. "Yes, yes, I think that will do it for the formalities. I've kept you all long enough. You're welcome to everything sitting on the table. Please hold nothing back. It's time to eat."
With the introductions finished, the others proceeded to stand up too. While some of the others walked towards the refreshments still shaking off their fits of laughter over Saitama's hilarious wish, Bang stepped closer to the strange hero himself to get a good look at him.
He set a reassuring hand on the shorter hero's shoulder, prompting Saitama to look up at him with an empty, vacant stare.
"Please do not take their reactions to heart." The old man implored softly. He glanced back over his shoulder to make sure that his other young guests were out of earshot before continuing. "You know, when I was around your age, I was the smallest in my class. My peers...they laughed too. Judged me by my appearance. Called me Runt. Always decided that being born with a different body type was a contest they had already won." A small, concealed grin spread beneath his mustache. "Oh, they quite enjoyed themselves. For a time."
"Let me guess." Saitama interrupted. "They motivated you to train harder. Push your limits. Day and night. So that one special day, you ended up beating them all down to prove them wrong about you."
Bang's eyes widened in astonishment. "Goodness, no! Why would I do that to people who were even better teachers for me than my own sensei?"
Saitama gave him a quizzical turn. "What are you talking about, dude?"
"Saitama…my sensei taught me techniques. But like you, there were many moments in my youth where I lacked motivation, and my sensei was not equipped with the patience to deal with that. But you were right about them being my reason for getting stronger. If not for them, my journey would have ended before it even began, and this dojo would have likely gone to my brother instead."
"Being made fun of doesn't bother me. And even if it did, you still shouldn't waste your breath. My issue is different than yours. It isn't about getting stronger."
"No, it isn't." Bang shook his head. "It's about finding just the right motivation to improve your quality of life."
The martial arts expert peered out from the corner of his eye to glance at Tatsumaki, who at the moment had retreated to the ceiling to survey everything from high up.
Saitama caught on to where he was looking, and his face fell into disenchantment. "Oh please don't. She can't help me." He told the old master flatly. "She isn't who I'm looking for. We've already roughhoused. She isn't strong enough."
Bang turned his attention fully back to Saitama. "Who ever said anything about her needing to be strong enough?"
"Do all old people like being this vague?"
"For now, just put forth an honest effort to get to know her. She might surprise you."
Saitama turned his head away from Bang to stare up at the esper. It didn't take long for her to feel the eyes, because she almost immediately returned his attention with a bitter scowl of her own.
As the baldy's face soured into a source of equal displeasure, he spoke without even looking back at Silver Fang. "I think the trip we took just to get up here taught me everything I care to learn."
"That's exactly the problem, my boy." Bang's grip on his shoulder noticeably tightened. "A person's character can't be mastered in one afternoon. Tornado is no different."
"Yeah, say that after she's called you a candy-coated dildo..."
"I'm not saying she doesn't make a tough adversary. She's been at odds with me too. But adversity is one of life's elevators. It either takes you up or down. So tell me, young fellow..." the hand resting on Saitama's shoulder gave it a few sporting pats before Bang removed it and turned to walk off towards the others. "...where will you let it bring you?"
Following the lack of grace from the meet-and-greet, the ensuing feast was actually quite different in comparison. As everyone put their dishes together and took their seats alongside the wall, the dojo's ambiance hummed with casual, unhurried energy.
Respectively, Charanko sat on the far end of the table, placing as much distance as possible from the brawny athletic woman who had earlier brought him to death's door. Bang sat between Tatsumaki and Saitama, while Genos remained dutifully stationed at his bald mentor's other flank. Lily and Mizuki hung off the other end of the table together, with the former taking her food in with light, dainty portions of her chopstick while the latter girl proceeded to plow as much food as her mouth could hold with each ravenous bite.
The air around the dining table was abuzz with chatter. Between bites of their meals, Lily and Mizuki would occasionally boast about their beloved idols (Fubuki and Darkshine), only for Genos to unceremoniously declare that his idol (you know the one), could easily dominate both of the other aforementioned idols with a single, small-winded punch. This earned a harmless giggle from Lily, a slack-jawed look of veneration from a easily-convinced Mizuki, and a sharp poke on the shoulder with a pair of chopsticks from Saitama, who clearly didn't appreciate the extra attention.
Bang and Tatsumaki periodically swapped gossip about other amusing team pairings, as well as reports of progress on their own personal heroic agendas. According to Bang, a few A-listers had already left the national hero registry – presumably because of the great inflation of C-Class heroes compared to those of the A-Class expected to look after them. To complicate matters, the influx of C-Class heroes would naturally grow worse from the vacancies left by their retiring partners, which in turn was sure to increase the burden on the heroes in Class A that elected to stay. However, because of the mandatory teaching seminar that all A-Class heroes were required to do (such as Sneck during Genos and Saitama's recruitment examination), many of the higher ranks had the training necessary to shoulder the larger loads. And as an added form of damage control, the board announced an upcoming scrambling exercise for volunteering S-Classes to take in additional heroes and ease the burdens of their underclassmen. Those who agreed to volunteer would be offered a raise in proportion to the number of added juniors, and all C-Class heroes left out of this exchange would be taken in by seasoned executives functioning as senior substitutes.
Obviously given what little time the executive board had to lay the ground rules following last weekend's little incident, this was the best they could work with for now. One thing was for sure – things in the Hero Association would change very much - very fast - very soon.
Tatsumaki couldn't care less about the politics at this rate. She was still pissed at the HA for dragging her into their affairs at all. Granted they at least had the good sense to pit her with just one guy, but…
She turned her gaze down the table just in time to see Saitama use his chopsticks to fling a shrimp through the air over to where a frenzied Mizuki snatched it hungrily in her mouth, as if solely on base primitive instinct.
...but why the fuck did it have to be him? What are they thinking?
"And I believe I will be volunteering for more juniors as well." Bang continued on, seemingly unaware that she had stopped paying attention to him five words into the topic. "I don't need the money, but this seems to be the perfect excuse to get more heroes involved in martial arts, making them more efficient in their own assignments as well."
"Mm-hmm..."
"And it will keep my dojo filled too, if only for a brief period. But who knows? Perhaps some of them might even take a liking to my school and start coming as regulars."
"Sure..."
"Tatsumaki? Why are you staring so much at Saitama?"
Now that got her attention. Hearing the bald hero's name prompted her to shudder in surprise, blinking awake as life flooded back into her eyes. "Huh? W-who? I wasn't staring at anything..." She immediately turned to fixate back on her plate, doing best to prove her detachment from her surroundings.
Bang raised an eyebrow at her, amusement flickering in his unwavering eye. "What did you think of his goal? Quite daring, wouldn't you say?" He questioned, nudging her back onto topic. "Does it by chance make you want to take him up on his challenge?"
She scoffed at the suggestion. "Don't act so full of shit. What does an S-Class have to prove to a B-Class anyway?!" She ended the flustered sentence by chomping down on a bit of food floating into her mouth via her telekinesis.
The old master scratched his chin. 'So that's how it is, eh…?' He closed his eyes in deep thought, deciding to focus on his meal.
At least for now.
A few hours had crept by. The sun had veiled itself behind the horizon, and the sky had proceeded to darken. Where there were once layers of entrees and side dishes, there now stood a tall stack of empty plates. The last bite had been taken a good hour or so ago, but Bang had wanted to be sure that everyone had time to settle before asking the question he had held in since the beginning.
He stood up and made his way to the center of the room, placing himself in front of everyone still seated at the table talking. "I would like to thank everyone for joining me for dinner. So tell me. Does anyone here do martial arts?" The voices in the room slowed to a calm as heads proceeded to look at each other. "As I'm sure you all are aware, an old man like me alone has no business standing at Rank 3 in this association of remarkable people..." He crouched his body lower, bending his knees at precise angles as he oriented himself into his representative fighting stance. "I owe all credit of my position to my school's signature style of Water Stream Rock Smashing Fist."
Tatsumaki's eyes drooped into an underwhelmed aspect. And there it was. The whole ulterior motive she had been waiting for since before the meal began. The reason why everyone's seats were oh-so carefully placed to one side of the table so that everyone could face out into the middle of the arena. The old codger was trying to pander his business with a dramatic showcase of his moves.
"Seriously? This again?" Recognizing the groaning voice, she turned her eye to see Saitama making a tired expression identical to hers. Apparently she hadn't been the only one to suspect Silver Fang's intentions. That, or Bang had done something very similar to this in the past.
"Of course!" Bang replied, as if perfectly anticipating this reaction from him. "I stand by what I told you last time, Saitama. You may be strong, but even your potential has yet to be fully tapped. And I'm willing to place all my hard decades of experience on the line that martial arts is the keystone you're missing. What attribute does a body-builder most covet?"
"Ooh! Ooh! I know that one! Me me me me me! Pick meeeeee." Mizuki shouted, raising her hand up and shaking it sporadically. He nodded to her for an answer. "Raw physical power!"
He closed his eyes and nodded. "Correct! And how does a martial artist differ?"
"It depends on the style..." Lily thoughtfully began. "But generally, a martial artist trains their body in a more specialized way. Rather than capitalizing on strength alone, they tend to focus on finesse and precision, shaping their muscles in ways best tailored to their own techniques."
"Very well-spoken, Lily! So you see, the main focus of any fighter should be a fine-struck balance between strength and precision. I've dedicated my life to pursuing this secret. And after years of constant study on countless martial arts – both famous and unknown – I have achieved my answer: Water Stream Rock Smashing Fist. It is an invention of my very own, known only to a few select individuals."
"Including me, right?" Charanko pointed at himself expectantly.
Bang opened one eye to peek at him before closing it again. "Hmmm… Perhaps after you master the white belt of the forbidden style known as karate, we'll discuss what to do with you next."
His student's smile dropped. "Aww man..."
Tatsumaki was about to protest against the thought that martial arts meant anything against a superhuman that could move mountains with her mind, but someone surprised her by beating her to the punch.
"From the last visit, I thought our expressions on the matter were clear." Genos stated adamantly. "Master Saitama has no wish to partake of your training, and my only interest is to advance my arsenal for large-scale destruction."
"Seriously," Saitama agreed, "I mean, how different can martial arts training be from regular body exercises? All you do is teach your body to move a certain way. In fact, I think I've gotten a pretty good idea of your fighting style just by watching you stand there."
Bang had to struggle just to keep his amusement from showing in his face. 'So unbelievably naive...' He chuckled inwardly. "Very well, Saitama. I know you mean business, so I'll take you at your word. Since the concept of advanced fighting techniques seems to come so naturally to you, I think we all would appreciate a demonstration. Express with your body – not your words – what defines your martial arts."
Saitama heaved a sigh at the inconvenience of being called out, but shrugged as he got up from his seat. He knew how stubborn the old goat could be, so it would probably be more effort to talk his way out of it than to just give him what he wanted. "Fine…guess since I came all the way up here, I should put on some sort of show." He ambled up to where Bang was waiting for him, and the old teacher gave him a slight bow as he handed the floor over.
Saitama swiftly closed his hand into a tight fist, and the sound of cracking knuckles rang through the room from the violent contraction of muscle.
"This..." Saitama gradually relaxed his posture, feeling his body lighten and loosen as he opened his palms back up, "...is also a martial art that I came up with."
The whole room seemed to share an involuntary gasp as they witnessed the explosion of confidence emanating from the Caped Baldy.
"This is an unbranded series of free-flowing combos that I'm still working to perfect. If you don't want to miss a single detail, don't blink."
Everyone watched carefully as he lifted his leg high up with flexibility that even Genos never knew he had. Balancing with perfect equilibrium, he proceeded to breathe deep through his nose. Hoisting his foot forward, the dojo floor splintered under the force, sending a long chasm stretching through the wood. It reached all the way up to the table and split it into two perfect pieces. Everyone shuddered with surprise. After the colossal stomp, he exhaled out of his mouth, and steam appeared to escape with his breath in a sharp, piercing hiss.
Giving his audience no time to recompose, Saitama broke out into a merciless flurry of frenzied blows. The floorboards beneath did not survive the first movement, let alone the second or third – all of which took place in the blink of an eye.
Saitama ignored the damage as the smooth surface below his feet erupted with each graceful step and slide. Debris flew up all around him in perfectly rectangular chunks of wood from the elegant flooring. Without wasting a moment of inertia, Saitama effortlessly weaved through each projectile as if threading a needle. Within the amount of time it took for everything to fall, he had danced between each flying fragment with a myriad of roundoffs, handsprings, tucks, pikes, and various other aerial maneuvers. After every available space had been thoroughly invaded, he flipped himself into an inverted position, and riding the axis along the floor, threw his legs up into a long series of inverted windmill kicks, utterly dicing the flying objects around him into a sandstorm of splinters.
With all obstacles around him removed, he did a quick kip-up and smashed his fists together, creating a thunderous shock wave that blew the newly produced dust cloud away from his body. The force shook the dojo and caused the lights to flicker. At this point, everyone watching was just trying to keep their balance, but even without the shaking ground, the mere vision of his every dance-like motion was strangely mesmerizing.
In spite of the savagery behind each attack, every punch and kick was dealt with prolific purpose. Not a single movement was wasted. In fact, rather than slow down, his motions only grew faster and faster as he executed them with unyielding succession. His techniques, while unorthodox, were resolute and backed by the focus of a fighting genius. Every attack created a storm – every attack sacrificed a piece of the building that sheltered it.
This was no mere martial art. It was a martial masterpiece. An interpretive dance. The Fleur-de-lis of fight culture.
By the time his demonstration concluded, there was nothing left of the dojo but a deep crater in the center of which Saitama stood. And everyone that had been watching – even Bang himself – had been knocked out cold from the display of what can only be described as sheer immaculate skill.
…
…
...At least, that's how it played out in Saitama's mind.
In reality, the bald hero was – rather unremarkably – attacking the air with a bunch of pretentious karate chops, half-assed jumps, and lazy movements that could be more accurately described as leg swings than actual kicks.
The word 'awkward' was several hundred letters too short to express how truly uncomfortable watching Saitama's strange goat dance really was.
Everyone bore mute witness to the performance – though perhaps not for the reason he was banking on.
When his display slowed to a standstill, Saitama looked out at the table where sat the spectators, and when a certain cyborg realized he was done, Genos slowly started clapping his hands together, rapidly picking up tempo as he rose from his seat with the same appreciation for beauty as Shia LaBeouf watching his musical rendition as a crazed cannibal.
"Magnificent, Master! Resplendent! Magnifique! Sōdai!" His face was frozen into a look of pure approbation, blind to any flaws that were plain to just about everyone else.
Drawing much more stimulus off of Genos's positive reaction than the spectacle itself, Mizuki enthusiastically shared in his excitement, conjuring a few cheers of her own. "Wow, Shiny Guy! That was...an awesome...whatever that even was!"
The actual martial arts practitioners were less enthusiastic about what they just saw.
Silver Fang, for all his mental fortitude, had been rendered catatonic while Charanko cuffed his mouth and rushed out of the room to vomit. Lily had gone white as a sheet, electing to cover her eyes and curl up into a fetal ball under the table before the impression of Saitama's exhibit could deal any lasting damage to her psyche.
"Ha..."
All heads turned in alarm when they heard a sound never heard before.
"Pfft...Bwahahahahaa! -snort- Ahahahaha!" Unbridled, choking cackles came pouring out of Tatsumaki as the esper doubled over while gripping her sides. "Oh ow! Ow my fucking organs...!"
While everyone was agape at the fact that Tatsumaki – the cold and callous Tornado of Terror herself – was not only expressing the response commonly known as laughter, but apparently dying of it, Saitama was less than appreciative of the reaction.
"Hey! Stop laughing at me, you little brat! I poured my whole heart into that style!"
"Yeah?" She replied between giggles, wiping a small tear from her eye. "And what, O'-Exalted One, is your style called? The Chicken Dance?!"
Saitama gritted his teeth in frustration, ready to march directly toward her, only to be stopped by Bang who was quick to cut in between them. "It's refreshing to see that for as long as I've lived, there are things in this world that still surprise me." He smiled sportingly.
"And what's that supposed to mean, old man?!" Saitama demanded, not much more appeased than before.
The aged master held a calming hand up to him. "Nothing bad, of course. The last thing I would wish to do is draw your ire. Thank you for humoring me."
Bang turned to see his star apprentice stagger back into the room, having fully relieved his stomach of its contents.
"Well...when it comes to crab dishes, I think I'm officially ruined for life..." Charanko wheezed sickly.
"Good timing, Charanko." Bang spoke up cheerfully. "Now that you're light as a feather, this is a golden opportunity to show off the results of your training too. What do you say to a small sparring match?"
His pupil returned the enthusiastic suggestion with a countenance of dread. "Now? For real?"
Ignoring the implied protest, Bang turned to face the cyborg. "What do you think, Genos? Would you be willing to gauge my student's progress in a rematch?"
Genos's face reflected his disinterest, but he nevertheless replied, "Very well. I was just thinking about doing a small movement exercise to ease my digestion."
Charanko's weary expression exploded into panic. "S-Seriously, Sensei?! You're making me fight him again? Blondie's got fists of steel! Literal steel!"
"Calm yourself, Charanko." His teacher replied. "You won't be alone this time. Since Genos is an S-ranked contender, how about we divvy up the odds a bit." He raised his voice to call someone else over. "Mizuki!"
"Coach!" The girl perked up.
"Feeling good?"
"Yeah Coach!"
"Come over here for a second. Charanko needs your muscle."
Said student's eyes grew into wide saucers. This was officially the worst night of Charanko's whole miserable life.
Realizing protesting would do little good once Silver Fang had set his mind to something, the rookie martial artist swallowed the bitter pill and looked away as the heavy hustling steps of the bulking athlete ushered her approach.
"Whazzup!" Mizuki flashed Charanko a toothy grin and wink, clearly having forgotten all about their previous encounter. He silently glared off to the side, doing his best not to make eye contact with the woman towering next to him.
Saitama and Genos proceeded to exchange spots, with the former sitting down and the latter taking his place on the floor.
With Genos standing to one side of the wood arena and Charanko and Mizuki standing to the other, all participants of the 2-v-1 awaited Bang's mark.
"Remember, this is only a light spar." The old master reminded them. "Attack with the intention to disarm or ring-out your opponent only. I will not permit injury."
The three nodded at the condition.
"Charanko. Mizuki. This will be your first exercise as fellow peers. You will need to apply teamwork if you expect to last long against Genos. That is my advice to you. Begin!"
The three got into their own separate fighting stances. Charanko readied himself with a basic heisoku-dachi high karate stance, while Captain Mizuki took up both fists in a guarded boxing pose.
Genos simply raised a single fist to them, and they both swallowed as they heard his bionic joints whir ominously. "Come, then." The cyborg beckoned them. "Let's get this over with."
"Alright, lil' man," Mizuki whispered to Charanko off to the side, "here's what we try. I'll distract him by crowding his front, and you—"
"Screw this." Her sparring buddy cut her off, proceeding to dash straight at the cyborg.
Genos patiently drew his leg back, shifting his position a full pace backwards while holding his ground with the other foot. Then, he raised his arm forward, and—
=PRANG=
Charanko did a backwards 360 through the air before landing squarely on his front. Genos continued to hold his fist outstretched where his opponent had unwittingly charged face-first into it.
The orange-haired boy held both hands to his face, screaming out his pain in a muffle as he rolled around on the floor. "My nose…" He groaned nasally. "I think he broke my nose…!"
"Genos!" Saitama scolded from his spot. "No breaking peoples' noses! That's rude."
"I do not mean to shift blame," the cyborg replied, "but I merely held my fist out while he ran straight into it."
"He speaks truly." Bang added prudently. "I was watching Genos's posture. He did not apply any force of his own. Charanko's forward momentum did all the work for him..."
"How's it look?!" Charanko sat up, holding his hands out under his face. "Is it bleeding?"
Lily gave him a sad look. "I think you'll be fine, sweetie."
"The young miss is correct." Bang confirmed, trying best to hide his disappointment. "Quickly now. Shake it off, and maybe watch where you're running while you're at it."
"H...Hai, Sensei."
Tatsumaki's eyes narrowed in their customarily silent but harsh judgment as she watched the sorry excuse for a fighter struggle back to his feet. Keeping her attention to the fight in front of her, she leaned her head toward Bang and whispered. "Is this mouth-breather really the only student you have?"
Bang closed his eyes and sighed, expecting a comment like this from her sooner or later. "Yes..."
"The hell is this, amateur hour? He basically just proved that he'd lose against a collapsible road sign."
The old dojo keeper was fresh out of words.
Mizuki sprinted full-force into Genos from the side, catching him in a vicious tackle as she attempted to wrestle him out of the ring. She managed to move him about three meters or so before the cyborg found his footing and anchored himself to the floor. With her progress suspended, Mizuki bit down into a hard grit, electing instead to go from trying to push him back to wrapping her arms around him in an effort to pin him to the floor.
Her mistake.
As she struggled to get a solid lock on his torso, Genos took advantage of his lack of joints in order to worm his way free of her advance and slam his palm against her abdomen. While not meant to inflict any sort of damage, a blast from the air compressor stored in his hand was enough to throw her far back into her corner to rethink her approach.
With the female body-builder briefly incapacitated, Charanko took this shining moment to rejoin the fray. Throwing in a few zigs and zags to keep the cyborg guessing, the fighting neophyte dramatically shouted out "Ultimate Punch!"...before getting a metal hand wrapped around his face prior to unleashing said ultimate punch. Genos had him harmlessly staved off at arm's reach, and when he turned his head to see Mizuki lunge at him from the side again, he calmly readjusted his position to swap places with a captive Charanko, who took the body slam intended for someone else.
As Bang watched the two collide with each other, and subsequently the floor, he shook his head at the poor lack of coordination. In an effort to bring the spar closer to a fair fight, the old master realized that he instead handed Genos an enormous advantage by giving him two clumsy opponents to use against one another.
"Oof! Watch where you're going, you big brute!" Charanko shouted from beneath the body sandwich the two made when they crashed.
"S-sorry..." Mizuki replied dizzily.
"Your underlings need discipline, Bang." Genos stated with his back to the two lumps on the floor.
Charanko angrily shrugged Mizuki's legs off from his shoulders. "I'll teach you to look down on the star pupil of the legendary Bang-sensei!"
Determined not to let her ally rush in all alone again, Mizuki quickly shot to her feet and followed closely behind to act as Charanko's shadow.
The white-belt rushed up to the cyborg again, intent on dealing at least one square hit; whether it inflicted any damage or not, he didn't care.
"Ballsy." Saitama remarked from the side.
"Half-cocked moron." Tatsumaki added.
"Charanko-san, be careful!" Lily tried to warn him.
Charanko leapt up at Genos with his back still turned, transitioning the jump into a flying kick. Then, at the very last second before impact, the cyborg flipped around and grabbed the boy's extended leg, suspending him in midair. Unbeknownst to Charanko, his sparring buddy came in immediately from behind, throwing both hands up together in an uppercutting volley ball bump.
"YEET!" Mizuki shouted as she let it loose.
Sensing the danger, Genos pulled Charanko closer while he was still off-balance and off-guard, directing him straight into the woman's line of attack. Mizuki's blow connected soundly with Charanko's face, catapulting him half-way across the room before he finally thudded into the floor, out cold.
"Oh..." Mizuki clasped both hands over her mouth, realizing what she had done. "Oh no no no..."
Genos allowed her to break away and rush over to her fallen partner's aid – as if it could still make a difference.
"Are we done here?" The cyborg asked, brushing a speck of dust off his shoulder.
Bang frowned at the result, but nodded. "Oh, Charanko..." He sighed again, staring over to where a certain amazon was now fretting over the crumpled body of his disciple. "I admire his confidence a lot...but I wish he had bothered to try at least one of the moves I taught him..."
"Should we do something to help him?" Lily inquired with concern, staring out to where Mizuki was now kneeling down and desperately fanning the boy's swelling, knocked-out face with her towel.
"He'll be fine." Bang replied. "If nothing else, Charanko's training here has conditioned him to take a fair beating." His attention turned to the tall woman still hawking over his topic of discussion. "It seems as though Mizuki is something of a judoka, seeing how purposeful she was while wrestling with Genos. Perhaps with enough encouragement, she could even specialize in Muay Thai, given her strong body type."
Satisfied with what information he gleaned, the old master turned to look down at his other hero partner.
"Now that I know just how much work I have to do with them, I'm also curious about your martial capabilities, Lily."
The young girl nodded before pulling out segments of some kind of tool seemingly out of nowhere. "I'm sure you can guess how I got my hero name, right?"
"That's the famous three-section staff, eh?" Bang inspected the elegant rods of metal linked together with golden rings. "So you're a weapons user then."
Rather than choose to boast about her skill with words, the youngest Blizzard Group member made a wide sweeping motion of her arm, inhaling with deep concentration as she assumed a ready stance and unlocked both segments of her staff.
Shifting the fulcrum of her body from leg to leg, she engaged in a full rocking motion while gripping two different sections of her weapon and propelling it like the blades of a fan. The edges of the rods struck the wood floor below her with rapid yet consistent patters before she adjusted the twirls high over her head in an effortless transition.
She began to pace along the floor without slowing her arm movements, and when she gathered enough momentum, she added in spinning jumps, keeping her staff in motion and ready to adjust to any situation. In a final display of her prodigal agility, the girl threw herself into an aerial cartwheel, instinctively straightening the columns of her instrument before slamming it down in a perfect line upon landing again.
She ended her demonstration with a modest bow.
"Not bad." Bang nodded his approval.
"Pretty nimble, kid." Saitama remarked.
Tatsumaki crossed her arms, unimpressed. "Eh. I've seen better stuff in movies."
The two men who had just provided their compliments gave the esper a shared look.
"And what about you?" Saitama emphasized the last word with pointed stress. "Can you do awesome spinny stuff with sticks?"
"Haven't you seen what I can do, idiot? I think I'll take psychokinetic potential over sissy slap fights and twirling batons, thank you."
"I see..." Bang scratched his chin. "Then perhaps you would like to offer a demonstration of your martial prowess, Tornado?"
"Yeah. Come to think of it, I've never seen you actually fight." Saitama agreed.
Tatsumaki seemed outraged by the suggestion. "What?! Who says I've never fought! Do you actually believe that unless hitting and kicking is directly involved, it isn't considered a real fight?! How simple can you be?!"
"But don't you ever feel lazy just relying on your powers to do all the work for you?" Saitama pointed out.
"It beats the shit out of losing!" She snapped back.
"So you admit that you'd lose against this little girl in a fair fight?" He asked.
"That isn't how it is! What, you want me to prove it?!"
"Yeah..." Saitama stared down at her with his lifeless, unmoving eyes before motioning over to Lily still standing in the center. "Go on. She's right over there, all dressed up in a handsome suit and waiting for you to ask her to dance."
Tatsumaki rolled her eyes. It wasn't like she had anything better to do with her night. "Fine, you prick. I'll show you exactly why tornadoes should be feared."
Almost seeming too eager, she flew out to the open floor and landed next to Lily.
"Same rules as last time." Bang instructed them. "Absolutely no injuries are permitted. Since Tatsumaki and Lily share a weight class..."
'Did that wheezy old fuck just assume my weight?' The esper eyed at him coldly.
"—this is hand-to-hand only. So put your weapon away, Lily."
The girl did as she was told. Turning full-front to face her psychic challenger, Lily looked more than a little nervous to be placed against not only her boss's awe-inspiring big sister, but also the second-ranked hero in the nation.
Tatsumaki stood with her arms dominantly folded, silently staring her opponent down with unwavering nerve and unreadable thought.
"You may begin whenever ready." Bang signaled.
Understanding from experience that timing was key, Lily made a mad dash at the esper, determined not to give her any time to even think. 'If I can just reach her with my speed,' she counseled herself, 'I'll manage to safely pin her to the floor the same way Mizuki-chan tried with Genos-sama earlier! She's the same size as me… I can do it!'
Tatsumaki stood her ground.
Bang, Saitama, and Genos all subconsciously leaned forward as the two prepared to clash, waiting to see how Tatsumaki would retaliate in these next few crucial seconds.
Lily tucked her body in before springing off the floor at her like a torpedo. 'Sorry about this, Auntie, but now you're mine~'
Tatsumaki casually flipped her pointed finger up as her aggressor made her pass.
Just before Lily felt her hand reach a tuft of green hair, her dive roll was cut short by a sudden propulsion upward. Her jaw hung open as she realized that she was thrown directly overhead of her target.
Lily managed to correct her trajectory and land on her feet unharmed, but she was thrown well outside of the sparring area.
"I win." Tatsumaki remarked nonchalantly.
Silver Fang watched Lily get up to casually dust off her outfit before looking back at the self-proclaimed victor. "Well, err...that's well and good, Tatsumaki, but...it might have been even more impressive if you had managed without using your special abilities—"
"Let me ask you something, old man." The esper's frame immediately flashed into a vivid green, causing the entire place to rumble. In an instant, Lily, Genos, Mizuki, and even the still-unconscious Charanko were all thrown to four different walls of the room, plastered helplessly against the surfaces under the tight constraint of Tatsumaki's mind.
"Whoa, who turned off the gravity?" Mizuki wondered with bewilderment.
"My body..." Lily gritted through her teeth, struggling to snap her head away from the wall it was pressed to. "Can't...move…!"
"Can your martial arts help you fight your way out of the pit of a black hole?" The esper addressed Bang.
The old teacher's face tightened into a stern leer as he watched her effortlessly manhandle everyone else in the room, with the exception of Saitama who was standing right next to him.
Not sensing a response coming, Tatsumaki continued with her point. "Did your precious fighting style mean dick against an alien ship that wiped out a major city just by landing on it? Will it matter when a God-level threat comes to take your home and your life? Does it matter right now?" Her eyes narrowed. "Do you truly believe that the limitations of the body can surpass the limitations of the mind? Do you think that you can stop me from doing whatever I want to your little pets right now?"
Saitama looked over at Bang, waiting to see how he would react to what the esper was doing.
Bang closed his eyes, giving his head a few somber shakes. "Tatsumaki…if you believe that the essence of martial arts is meant to be compared with the essence of natural gifts like yours, you've already missed the whole point of it." He started towards her in his slow, even shuffle, stopping a short distance away from her while she continued staring him down from higher up. "If you believe yourself superior to me in any way, then now is your chance to prove it. Let the young ones go. See if you can handle me instead."
"Hey, Gramps, are you sure that's smart?" Saitama asked him from nearby. "That girl won't be gentle with you, you know?"
The master ignored him, focusing all his attention on the esper who sought to challenge his entire way of life. "What say you, Tornado? I promise not to hurt you. I just want to see this special power of yours that everyone's always talking about."
Tatsumaki stared at him for a few moments, as if trying to get a read on his true intentions. She knew he wasn't cocky, and he was far too old to believe he was a match for her after seeing what she can do. Something didn't add up right. So why…
The old man in front of her stood in his casual slouching posture, but through and through, there wasn't an ounce of fear running through those ancient bones.
...why did this wizened geezer appear so confident?
Tatsumaki sneered. So what. It's not like confidence and strength went together hand-in-hand. If someone decided to stand in a tornado's path, did that make the tornado change its course? Fuck no.
"Fine, then. I'll do the same thing you told Baldy to do. I'll express my power through action, not words."
Her green glow dimmed, and everyone she had restrained slid harmlessly off the walls. As they got up to survey the stand-off, Bang and Tatsumaki stood resolutely facing each other.
Bang made the first move. Crackling his muscles with a long stretch, he positioned himself in a solid horse stance, where afterwards he remained unnaturally still. She couldn't even see him breathe.
After a brief period of sizing him up, Tatsumaki threw her hand out towards the martial arts master, encompassing him in glowing energy. "Kneel."
Bang visibly shuddered, immediately feeling the intense, invisible weight bearing down on his frail-looking shoulders. Lily and Mizuki both gasped in unison, fearing for the elder's well-being, while Saitama and Genos observed passively from the other side.
"Submit." Tatsumaki commanded him, flattening her hand to give the impression she was pushing downward.
The dojo began to quake again. Veins were popping out from Bang's head, neck, and even through his shirt as he struggled profusely to resist her supernatural influence. Everything groaned, from his voice to his muscles, while Tatsumaki appeared to be putting forth no effort at all.
As he gradually began sinking closer to the floor, Tatsumaki spoke up. "A person can only be so stubborn before it begins to look pitiful. Just do as I say. Get down on your knees, and I'll unburden your body before it breaks."
"Nnnnn...NNNNN…!" Bang's eyes were shut as tight as they could close. He held his fists out to either side, and much to Tatsumaki's amazement, his posture actually seemed to stretch up a bit taller.
"D-Don't be a fool, Silver Fang!" She yelled out her disbelief. "There's no version of this that ends with you winning! Stop this! Stop it before you really end up hurting yourself!"
Despite her words of warning, the master's shoulders continued to push up from the imposing force. Shredding lines began to tear through the sleeves of his shirt as he pushed his body to its utmost limits.
Panicked at what might happen if this kept up, Tatsumaki decided to put an end to this as fast as possible. However else she seemed to people, she didn't want to close off the night by sending her host away in an ambulance.
She threw out her other hand, preparing to flatten him against the wood.
Bang's eye shot open in time to see her adjust her posture. The fire burning in his pupil caused the esper to flinch, in spite of her advantage.
Just as he sensed the redoubled amount of force reach him, Bang instantly switched his stance to something else.
"KAAAAH!"
Instead of falling flat as was Tatsumaki's intention, Bang shot up perfectly straight, and the floorboards all around his feet crunched and splintered into a crater around him.
A hush fell over the room. Everyone was confused by what they just witnessed.
Tatsumaki's jaw dropped when she realized what had happened. 'My psychokinesis...' She continued watching as her opponent casually dusted himself off in front of her. '...but how?! I didn't even feel my link break! Not like it did with...' She shifted her attention for a split second to glance at Saitama, who whistled at the result of their struggle.
Growling, Tatsumaki used her powers a second time on Bang, only for him to snap into a strangely different pose as soon as he felt the pressure hit him. Just as before, he slipped completely through her grasp, and the floor around him continued to suffer the consequence with another explosion of damage.
Each time she tried to put a psionic hold on him, he just assumed another one of those mysterious poses, and then her influence seemed to slide right off like water off a duck's ass.
After a final attempt to subdue him, Bang shrugged it off again, but this time, he vanished from view, appearing directly behind her and casually tapping her shoulder multiple times at once.
Tatsumaki's spine stiffened up at the sudden contact, her eyes gone wide as she heard his voice behind her.
"My personal record for precision blows is fourteen strikes in a second." He informed her. "Just now...I could have done a lot of damage to you, Tatsumaki." He walked his way around her, keeping both hands behind his back in his relaxed pose. Apart from his ruined shirt, he seemed none the worse for wear.
Tatsumaki dropped down on her knees – an irony that wasn't lost on anyone considering what she tried to get him to do. "H-How..." She slammed her hands down in front of her. "HOW?! What keeps happening?! I hardly even felt you resist! So how the FUCKING, FUCKING, FUCKING, FUCKING FUCK did you slip through it so easily?!"
Bang and Saitama stood in front of her, waiting patiently for her to finish her meltdown and calm her breath before the seasoned teacher began to explain himself.
"I mentioned before that martial arts was about precision, not strength. You are far too reliant on your strength Tatsumaki. So reliant in fact that you don't even question where it comes from. Indeed you are powerful, but your power has made you arrogant. You never feel the need to improve, and that, my dear, is what martial arts is all about. It doesn't sit still or remain constant. It improves. Evolves. Adapts. The same way I had to adapt to your mental-based attacks. I merely looked for a small opening in your focus pattern; any distraction or diversion – even if I had to create it myself."
Her eyes shot open. "So that's why...those dumb poses?"
He nodded knowingly at her. "A bit of diversion, a lapse of focus, and I can create just enough leeway to move in a manner that your mind doesn't expect me to. Once I manage to find a doorway, all I needed to do was slip through. It's like turning the doorknob versus trying to kick the door down. If I had tried to escape using just my strength alone, I would have failed handily."
"But still..." She pondered. "You held on for so long even before doing that…"
"Oh that?" The man chuckled. "I suppose you can just chalk that up to good old fashioned willpower."
She frowned. 'Willpower…?'
"You've been so good as to come visit me tonight, Tatsumaki, so it would be tragic to leave without a small piece of wisdom..." The old man turned and made his way past Saitama. "You should never look down on martial arts. I am telling you this not as a point of pride, or because you hurt my feelings...but for your own sake. There are people in this world who are younger than you..." he stopped and looked back at her from over the shoulder. "...yet stronger than me."
As the small psionic powerhouse fell silent while digesting Bang's words, he turned to look at Saitama, wondering if the hairless hero had caught his intention.
The costumed hero simply heaved a long sigh. "Well, the dinner was uplifting anyway..." Saitama stepped up to where the esper was still brokenly mulling away at life's great mysteries on the floor. "You all good, sis?" He reached down and offered her his hand with a neutral expression on his face.
Tatsumaki was taken aback by this gesture for a moment. She looked at the hand...then up at him...then back at the hand.
Right as it looked like she was about to take it, her dazed face took on a pink blush of anger, and she smacked it away before bolting out the back door at record speed.
Genos stepped up to Saitama and Bang as the three stared at the door she just blew through.
"Seems she's taken a soul-searching journey to my sacred grove." Bang stated.
"You have a backyard?" Saitama looked surprised. "I thought this dojo was sitting on the razor's edge of a cliff."
"There is a winding pathway behind the building that leads to an enclosure with a koi pond and Inari shrine." The dojo master explained.
"I didn't even know you were Catholic, Coach!" Mizuki called out from behind.
The three men turned to stare at her, slightly numbed by her conclusion.
Bang was the first to blink. "...What?"
"...Anyway, if she were leaving for good, she probably would have taken the front entrance door." Genos calculated. "So it would seem that we are stuck with the spoiled twit for a bit longer."
Saitama rubbed his forehead. "Guess I'll go talk to her."
"Sensei…" Genos regarded him with worry. "Why always you?"
His idol looked back at his roommate for a few seconds before dismissing his concern and turning to stare at Bang. "This elevator of yours had better have some damn good music in it." Saitama spoke with a hint of salt.
Bang regarded him with confusion as Saitama walked over to pick something up and head out the door.
It was only after he left that the elder hero finally understood what he meant.
A ways down the pebble-paved path trailing behind the dojo, and a small oasis opened up. Obviously Tatsumaki didn't know it was there. She didn't intend to go looking for it. But once she flew into it, something strange – almost mystical – had dampened her stress.
Down the slope, a large thicket of bamboo stood cradling a lush, garden-like area complete with an enclave of small trees, a row of evenly spaced lanterns, a well-kept line of godly statues, and a stream of water flowing down the gradient through a sizable pond at its heart.
Despite the dusk, the area around was still visible, lit up not only by the lamps strategically placed along the path, but also by the natural lime green of fluttering fireflies. Never before had Tatsumaki seen nature and man-made construct come together to produce such a harmonious image.
She placed herself at the bank of the grove, realizing only when her feet had touched the gravel and fresh soil that she had forgotten to take her shoes with her. She cursed under her breath that she would have to go back inside to retrieve them, since there wasn't anyone back there she was in any real hurry to see again.
In just a few short days, her understanding of the world's natural order had been completely capsized. Up until the power outage a few nights back, the Tornado of Terror thought herself to be at the pinnacle of human potential. All threats of every disaster level fell at her feet. There was nothing she couldn't bend and break. No shelter anyone could take from her storm. No living organism that she couldn't bring terror to once they got that first taste of what she can do.
Then he came along. And from there on out, things no longer made sense. Within the span of twelve hours, she learned that two people existed who could find a way to resist a direct psionic choke-hold from the apotheosis of mental mastery.
That Silver Fang was able to do it was an astounding feat, but in a way, it was easier to believe. He's older than the hills, but despite all appearances, he was Rank 3 for a reason. With enough experience and knowledge, she was sure that there weren't many problems that a tactical genius couldn't overturn.
The B-Class baldy, on the other hand, was just a big old question mark. And Tatsumaki had no love for riddles that she couldn't solve. He was different from Silver Fang. Far different. And no, not just because he looked like Picasso took an angry shit on a fast food mascot. It was how he handled the psychokinesis. He didn't slink his way through the psychic net - he shredded it. Like tissue paper. That wasn't technique. A person couldn't just teach themselves how to do that.
It wasn't a trick. It was power.
Raw,
full-blown,
and absolute.
So if a person like him – this seeming nobody from Class B – could withstand the might of a tempest...then what else could he do?
The question made a chill run over Tatsumaki's spine, causing her to bite down on her lip. She crouched down and wrapped her arms around her knees while gazing off into the water to watch the exotic-looking fish swim. Strangely, the more time she spent in this spot, the less she wanted to leave. It was as if every extraordinary feature that the vacuous dojo was lacking had all been relegated right here.
Deciding to take her heavy mind off of today's tumultuous events, she spotted some small stones out of the corner of her eye that she figured would make a good enough distraction.
The one sitting at the top of the pile floated up into the air, brought close to the esper's eye so that she could take aim. With a small green spark of energy, she blasted the stone over the surface of the pond, successfully skipping it across the full twelve meters of width.
Giving off a small smirk of satisfaction, she was in the process of lifting the second stone when a voice from behind nearly caused her to jump into the pond instead.
"Well this place certainly looks eco-friendly..."
"HWAHfusakarusakajushit!" She instinctively arched up like a cat, almost as if trying to make herself look bigger to predators. "Wh-what the fuck are you doing sneaking up on people like that! You want me to mail your shining dumb ass to another dimension?!"
"Yikes, bite my head off..." Saitama held his arms up to show he didn't mean any harm. "Look I'm sorry, okay?" After a series of long seconds, he finally saw the first signs of her lowering her defense, but not before shooting him a baleful scowl to let him know how unwelcome he was.
He decided to take himself slow, as if cautiously approaching to help a very injured, very pissed off wolverine (not a lot of difference if we're being honest). He crouched down on the bank a few good paces from her position, taking a long moment to listen to the cadence of crickets and cicadas. Tatsumaki didn't seem all that eager to break the radio silence between them, and in fact seemed instead to do her best pretending he wasn't really there.
Not knowing how else to say what he came here to, he heaved an audible sigh meant for her to hear. "Here. You left these back at the hut."
Against her wishes, the esper turned her head in time to see him set out a familiar pair of black shoes on the space between them. She looked up at him, only to see his head facing away and fixed out towards the pond.
Rather than deliver a ceremonious word of gratitude, she straightened herself up as if the favor offended her. "Hmph." Nevertheless, the shoes automatically floated up to her spot, where she could better claim them.
"That old guy...sure packs an interesting collection of mantras, doesn't he?" Saitama piped up, trying hard to find a subject they both related to. "Makes me think all he does in his free time is read fortune cookies..."
Tatsumaki hugged her knees closer to her chest, levitating another stone to resume her private game of no-handed rock-skipping. "...He's a fossil with one too many cracks in the husk." She muttered bitterly.
"You think so?" Saitama scratched himself. "Because I don't think he's the one you're really mad at." Her shoulders shivered slightly, but he noticed it enough to pause. "Is he?"
It took a long minute of silence before she finally answered, "...How do you figure?"
"...Is this by any chance because I'm stronger than you?"
That fucking did it.
She felt her emotions flare up in her chest all at once, prompting her to spin around and give him a piece. "Wow, did you really put that all together without hurting yourself?! I'm impressed!"
He gave her a sad frown. "No need to get snippy..."
"No, seriously, I mean it! Congratu-fuckin'-lations! You managed to pinpoint the universal source of every single one of my frustrations within a single stupid bald head! World-class detective work!"
"What did I ever do to make you hate me this much?"
"Everything!" She flew up and grabbed him by the front of his suit to echo her answer in his face. "You did everything. Everything's gone to shit since I met you. First you got on my ass, then your boyfriend works up the nuts and bolts to get on my ass, then the hero executives got on my ass, then my fucking sister gets her turn, and now Silver Fang just threw a grand parade on my ass!"
"Wait...so you're upset at me for being the first person to stand up to you?"
"I…! That's…!" She bit her tongue. Coming from the way he put it made her seem a lot more like a bully than she intended, and she realized to her own disgust that there was no real way she could spin it differently.
She let go of his uniform and turned to face away.
"Just go home." She told him without looking back. "Leave me alone. Forget we ever met. It's...It's just better that way."
A long silence passed since she said that. So long in fact that she was sure he had listened to her and left.
…
…
"Make me."
Her eyes shot open, and sure turned to see him still standing here. "Wh-what did you say to me?"
"Got a piece of spinach in your ear? I said make me. Go on. Use your magic to throw me off this hill." He flashed her a taunting smile. "Or would you prefer to run off with your tail tucked under again?"
She quickly forgot her shock and went straight back to anger. "You've got a real pair of huevos, huh Humpty?! You think that just because you're kinda strong means you can do or say whatever the fuck you want?!"
His smile left his face. "I don't mean to call you a hypocrite...but isn't that sort of the way you've been living up to now?"
"Sh-shut up! That's different! I have my reasons! You just wouldn't understand them, so I don't bother to explain!"
His face molded into a disapproving glare, and while she would do anything but admit it, the idea that she might have actually made him angry made her more than a little weak in the knees.
Just as it looked like he was ready to deck her, he did something entirely new.
"Hah...Haha...Haa haa haa haa! Ahahahaa haa haa!"
Riled up by his sudden burst of laughter, she gave him an astonished look. "H-Hey! What're you laughing at?!"
"Aaaah..." It was almost unsettling how fast he calmed down. "You know...just now, you sounded like every single kid who beat me up for my lunch money back in middle school."
"Don't talk to me like I'm one of those parasites! Like me or not, my job is to protect people! Just like I did when I got rid of the train that you showed up too late to deal with earlier!"
He rubbed his head. "Ah. My bad. I guess I had my hands a little full managing the other two."
She put her hands to her hips in a victory power pose. "Ha! See? I'm a better hero than you after al—whaaaaaaaat do you mean by 'other two'?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Thought you knew. That guy targeted three trains. Had me going helter-skelter all over the place after them."
"N-No way! You're lying! There's no way—"
"You can read all about it in tomorrow's paper if you want." He insisted.
Tatsumaki's voice cracked from out of her dumbfounded mouth. "W-well..." she stammered, trying to salvage her credit. "I-I've still been a hero waaaaaay longer than you have, baldy! I was protecting the weak while you were still worrying about school!"
His face took on a solemn demeanor. "Oh, I see." He knelt down and picked up one of the other stones Tatsumaki had been eyeing. Staring out at the moonlit pond again, he continued his rumination. "Then I wonder if you would have done the same for me...as that weak little kid back in middle school." He turned to peer back at her. "It would certainly put me more at ease...to think of you as a hero rather than one of the bullies that used to pick on us little guys."
She gave him a baffled look, taking longer to process this than it should be. It was something to think that a person who could go toe-to-toe with her had once been beaten down too. Regardless, her eyes narrowed with cynicism. It's not like that suddenly made his childhood any more of a fuckfest than hers. "I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to feel bad for you?"
He gave her a passive stare before skipping his stone across the water. It bounced twice.
"Why would I want people to feel bad? That doesn't seem like something a hero would want."
"Hmph!" She crossed her arms. "You think that just because you dress up in that generic-ass costume, you get to lecture me on what it means to be a hero?"
Saitama thought about her question for a few silent minutes, crouching down over the pond and watching the lightning bugs dance in the gentle night breeze. "...The definition of a hero." He mumbled, as if in some sort of a trance.
She raised her eyebrows. "Huh?"
"The definition of a hero," Saitama repeated, "is someone who is concerned about other people's well-being, and will go out of his or her way to help them..." He slowly looked over, giving her a deathly serious face as he emphasized with a hardened voice, "...even if there is no chance of a reward." He rose to his feet and slowly walked toward her – each step making her pull a bit further back.
"Wh-what are you doing?" She asked, feeling her heart rate pick up at his approach. As he got closer, she saw them come back. All those serious features she saw on him before. His eyes...his mouth...his cheekbones...goddamn it, even his nose. Somehow he suddenly looked so...
"That person," he continued unabated, "a person who helps others simply because it should or must be done, and because it is the right thing to do..."
Tatsumaki gasped when she realized that he had backed her into a tree. She watched helplessly as he stepped straight up to her, inches in front of her face.
"...is indeed without a doubt...a real superhero." He concluded.
Her pupils trembled as she struggled to find the right words. "That was so..."
Before she could finish, all of his polished features popped back into non-existence, replaced by his painfully simple eyes and mouth. "Oh you like it?" He asked in his normally light voice. "I like it too."
As if mirroring his facial transformation, Tatsumaki gave him a cartoonishly underwhelmed look of her own. "Eh…?"
Saitama turned back to the pond, crouching down to pick up a stick and poke something in the water. "I wish I could claim credit for coming up with that myself...but I didn't. My role model did."
She blinked at him with confusion. "Role model? You have a role model?"
"Well yeah. Doesn't everyone? Don't you?"
The esper spat. "Me?! Pff...hell no. Of course not."
"Oh really? Not even that Blast guy?"
Tatsumaki's tough exterior shattered big time. "Wha-what?!"
Saitama shrugged. "I just thought he seemed important to you, given the way you stared at his empty seat during that hero meeting."
She gave him a mortified look. "...You saw that…?"
"Sure did." Given by how he still seemed distracted with whatever he was prodding in the pond, he clearly didn't believe it was as big of a deal as her. Something at the tip of the stick he was fishing with croaked and jumped out of the water, scaring the ever-living shit out of the esper while Saitama merely smiled. "Yaaaay a frog popped out."
"Ugh! God you're weird!" She held a hand to her chest to calm herself down.
"Yeah well sticks-and-stones." He replied. "See? Stick," he showed her the object he was holding, "Stone." He picked up another rock and skipped it across the water. This time it hit three paces.
Reluctantly following suite, Tatsumaki telekinetically retrieved another stone of her own and blasted it across the water. Again, she perfectly sent it skipping all the way to the other end of the bank.
Saitama pouted at her superior technique, but quickly forgot when she asked, "So I take it your [air quotation marks] 'role model' is stronger than you?" She cracked a teasing smile. "Just don't tell me it's King or some shit..."
He gave her a funny look. "Uhh...no. But since you asked, yes, the guy I look up to is stronger than me. He's protected me ever since I was a child."
"So he like, what. Shared his sandwich crusts with you after you lost your lunch money?"
Saitama gave Tatsumaki a tired leer. "...Never mind."
She shrugged indifferently. "Fine. Guess I'll just have to ask him instead, won't I."
This earned a sour chuckle from the bald hero. "It wouldn't be easy…" He explained. "He passed away last year."
All traces of amusement left the tiny esper's face. "Oh..."
"Yeah, he wasn't a hero in the traditional sense. Actually...he was better."
She looked up at him. "How so?"
Saitama furrowed his lip wondering how to explain it to her. "Well...you know anything about comics? Alloy Man? The Savage Badger? Your Friendly Neighborhood Arachno-Boy?"
She crinkled up her nose. "Thought that shit was for children."
He frowned. "You must be a real killer at parties."
"Just get to the point, will you?"
He rolled his eyes, but did as she said. "Well...coming home from that ramshackle school every day – bruised and beaten, uniform all dirty and torn up, missing a shoe – I would throw myself on my bed and switch on the TV. Superhero culture was my only escape. I guess it made me forget who I was, which let me stop hating myself for being so helpless. Well...until the episodes ended, anyway." He spaced out while staring down at his reflection rippling in rings on the water. "Man, it sucks growing up. Having to watch the few people you really related to drop out of your life. Now I'll never see him at another convention. I'll never see him make another cameo in the next picture. And you know...I can't even feel sad about it. Just...strange. I dunno."
She gave him an odd look. "Your role model was a comic-book and cartoon creator?"
He let out a bitter smirk. "I suppose this is the part where you laugh."
She scoffed rustically. "Please. I've had shitty enough luck as it is without besmirching the dead."
He tilted his head at her, unsure of what to think. "You won't laugh? Huh. That's uncharacteristically mature of you..."
Hostility broke across her face again. "Ha ha ha ha…" She simulated laughter just to spite him before picking up another stone with her mind. "Fuck you." She called out markedly as she instinctively blew it over the water, once again skipping it all the way to the other side. She turned to give him a shrew-like smirk. "Ha." She finalized.
Picking up a stone of his own, Saitama stuck his tongue out and shut one eye in concentration as he wound his arm up and let his rock fly. This time it skipped six times.
Ecstatic with his improvement, Saitama flexed his arm at her and yelled back, "Ha—HA!"
Tatsumaki went next. Another perfect trip across the pond. "Ha, ha—HA!" She boasted again.
Possessed by the spirit of competition, Saitama reached out at something behind him, and Tatsumaki's eyes widened in horror as the shadow of a gigantic boulder eclipsed her form. "A-Are you fucking serious?!"
Hoisting the impossibly large chunk of sediment over his head, Saitama's face was the frenzied picture of lunacy as he loudly went "HAHAHAHAHAHA" before lobbing the mass into the pond, creating a thunderous splash and blasting all the water out of it in one fell tidal wave.
Tatsumaki, no fan of getting wet, was quick to clear out of dodge. Saitama didn't manage to dodge a thing.
The esper came back to find him drenched and dripping, but looking somehow pleased with himself.
"Did I win?" He asked with a clueless smile.
"...You killed the pond." She answered with a dark look.
Saitama took a minute to do a slow double-take between her, the empty crater he just left, and every statue he fucked up in between before somehow concluding "...So that means I did win?"
"Yep. You did." She grinned derisively. "You won the World Idiot Award. And I bet Silver Fang's gonna turn your asshole into a flashlight when he finds out what you did to his yard."
Saitama's smile deflated into a silent scream of alarm. "W-we should probably get going." He decided for himself, already rushing up the path and hoping to be out of there before the pond owner comes out to feed his recently evicted fish. "Fun's over."
"Yeah and whose fucking fault is that, Pebbles?" She called while hovering after him.
"Whatever partner, let's just make like a banana and split."
"Wait...what?" Tatsumaki stopped gliding with him for a moment to pick up on something she had forgotten. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" She screamed at him, causing Saitama to screech on his heels to a halt.
"What, dude?! Now's not the time!" He tried reasoning with her.
"Now is exactly the time." She corrected. "Just now, you called me your partner."
"Yeah? So?"
She rolled her eyes at his cluelessness. "I never agreed to be your partner."
His jaw dropped. "What? Why not?"
She fumbled around for something in her dress. Somehow, the question she had been hoping to ask him all afternoon but never quite had the courage to came surprisingly easy for her now. She wondered to herself if it was because of the...well...tiny breakthrough they just shared.
Finally finding what she was feeling around for, she held a piece of paper up to him as if she were a cop busting him for a high-class felony. "I'm not agreeing to anything with you until you explain this."
"Where were you even hiding that?" He asked with his eyes shooting daggers of suspicion.
A streak of color stretched over her face from embarrassment. "D-Don't change the subject, that isn't important!" She unfolded the paper to reveal the evaluation sheet he had slipped in with the sweets the day before. "You expect me to act like we're friends just because you gave me candy? Well let me tell you something, Stranger Danger, I'm not setting one toe in your shady paneled van until you give me a straight answer." She leaned in authoritatively, waving the paper in front of his face. "And this time, you had better make it a better reason than this 'heroes try' shit."
"Are you kidding me? I spent all day thinking I'd won you over because of that heartfelt picture I drew of us together!"
The Tornado of Terror's face fell into pure disgust at the suggestion. "Are you kidding me? This autistic mess? I could've done a better job drawing with my feet!"
"But it took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip!"
"Explain yourself, goddamn it! Why are you after me? What do you want?" She gasped as if realizing something critical. Instinctively covering up her chest, she asked him accusingly. "Is it my body?! Oh my god, it is, isn't it?! You're after my body, aren't you!"
Saitama gave her a straight face. "Um. Gross? And no."
She blinked very rapidly for a few seconds, unsure of whether to be relieved or offended by this lifeless reaction. "F-Fine...then why do you wanna be my partner so badly? Anyone else would claw their way through a broken window just to get away from me, but you of all people say 'yes please'?! What the hell's wrong with you?!"
Saitama massaged his temples, trying his best to keep from being the next person to claw through that broken proverbial window she just explained. "Looking past the headache you just gave me from all your screaming, I'll tell you one more story."
He straightened himself up, counting backwards a few time in his head just to make sure he was remembering everything okay. Tatsumaki crossed her arms in waiting.
"See, a while back, I was doing some shopping." He began. "When I headed home, I saw a giant monster attacking a little girl. I turned to run someplace hidden to get my suit on, but I noticed you flying in. You rung the monster's fluids out like a wet towel and then crumpled its body up like a spitball. Which looked pretty awesome, and for some reason made me really, really hungry..."
She raised her eyes skeptically. "You want to team up with me because I killed a monster. Sounds pretty superficial to me..."
"That's because you didn't let me finish." Saitama pointed out.
Tatsumaki puffed up her face with impatience, but managed to reign herself in and motion for him to continue.
"You killed the monster, sure. But what really stood out to me was what happened after that. The girl thanked you for saving her and said that she wanted to be a hero just like you when she grew older. You played the compliment off like it was no big deal...but you couldn't hide that look in your eye from me. It was the same child-like enthusiasm I saw in the smile of someone else I know."
"Some other stupid friend of yours, I'm guessing?" She asked.
Saitama put a finger to his lip, as if deciding. "Uhhhh..."
Two Days Ago...
"Kukukukuku. Today's the day, Saitama! I can feel it!"
The bald hero casually weaved his way around the flurries of bladed swipes that were seeking to lop off his head.
"You again, dude?" Saitama spoke with a hint of annoyance. "Don't you have a brother to take revenge on for murdering your clan or something?"
"Jokes won't win you your life back!" The lightning-fast ninja had a very scary 'child-like' smile. With sadistic glee, he unsheathed another sword from his back after the caped hero took liberties to demolish the ninth one since the fight started. "After I separate your shining head from its body, it's going straight up on my wall! And when I throw you into Hell, be sure to tell the devil it was Speed-o'-Sound Sonic who sent you there, my dear friend!"
my dear friend…
dear friend…
friend…
"Uhhhh, yeah, sure. I guess you could say he's a friend...of mine..." Saitama concluded hesitantly while scratching his cheek.
She wasn't sure why he looked so nervous while trying to decide where this guy stood in his social circle.
"Anyway, my point is," he cleared his throat to get back on track, "I could tell that there was nothing else in the world you'd rather do than be a hero. Even though you can be snarky, I have a little trouble standing by and watching people sacrifice their passion because of a stupid grudge."
"Mmm..." Tatsumaki stared off into the distance to absorb what he just said. She turned her back to him for several minutes as she continued drifting in the open air.
Saitama took that as a sign that his reason for helping her didn't meet her standards. After a few more minutes of watching her back, he sighed in surrender and silently started to make his way back towards the dojo.
"I hope you know what you're doing." He heard her voice echo from behind.
He turned to see her facing him again with her arms confidently put to her hips. "What?" He asked.
She flew in closer to him, the green glow of her body outshining all of the fireflies passing by. "Sticking yourself with me as a partner. I'll bet you won't last a single day."
He regarded her with his soft, vague expression. "If I can deal with Genos's OCD, I think I can hold up fine against you, Tatsu."
"Wh- did you just call me Tatsu?!" She spat indignantly. "Look, if you're gonna address me by name, use my whole name!"
"Sorry, Tats."
"Holy shit, that's way worse!" She looked at him as though she just ate something incredibly sour. "I'd sooner be called 'Tatsu' before I let anyone call me that ever again!"
Saitama gave her a playful smile as he turned around to ring some water out of his cape.
"By the way..." he brought up as the two ascended the trail together, "I noticed that you were one of the only people who didn't laugh when I told everyone my goal back at the dojo." He raised his eyebrow at her. "What was up with that? Could it be that you're finally starting to take me more seriously now?"
She snorted at the absurdity. "Get over yourself. You're just not as funny as you think you are, that's all."
"Fiiiine, I get it." He groaned, resting his hands together behind his head. "Be that way. Jerk."
"Bitch."
The two re-entered the dojo, looking around to see Genos and Lily cleaning up the table. Charanko, who had yet to regain consciousness, had his sleeping head cradled neatly in Mizuki's lap. It would seem that despite her rough features, the amazon still had a maternal instinct or two tucked beneath those thick muscles.
The arriving duo was first greeted by Bang. "I trust all is well again?" He asked them.
Saitama and Tatsumaki exchanged glances before the former replied, "We worked some stuff out."
"Not that it's any of your business..." The esper added in a mutter, avoiding eye-contact with the old-timer that had earlier wounded her pride.
Bang's shoulders seemed to shake up and down as he laughed. "Hoho...I'm glad." He opened his eye to give Saitama a more careful look. "And why are you all wet? What happened?"
Remembering the reason he was in such a hurry to leave, Saitama's posture spiked up. "Rain!" He blurted. "Rain happened."
"Huh… That's strange..." Bang thought scrupulously. "I didn't hear any rain..."
"Really? Wow, weird! Must be that global warming acting up again." Saitama replied with a big nervous smile. "Anyways, I've got a thing to do...at a place. Bye now!" He turned to call over to his roommate. "Come, Genos, it's time to leave. Drop what you're doing."
The cyborg paused to peer at him while holding a towering stack of plates. "Dropping what I am doing would be hazardous for these dishes."
"Ah, you're leaving?" Bang asked. "Very well. Don't be such strangers. It was good to see you come up."
Saitama's panic intensified as he watched the elder head out the door they just came in from. "Wait, where are you going…?"
Bang turned to look back at him. "Why, to make my evening offering to Inari and thank him for such favorable company."
Before the bald hero could protest, Bang had disappeared out the door.
Sweat started running down his face as he quietly asked Tatsumaki, "Do you happen to remember which of the statues out there belonged to a guy named 'Inari'?"
The esper shrugged carelessly. "They all look the same to me...especially now since you crushed every single one of them into powder when you threw that huge rock."
Saitama's face dropped several palettes of color. "Eyyyyyyyeah, sounds about right."
Suddenly a booming voice echoed all the way out from the lower yard. "MOTHER OF GOD! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY SACRED GROVE?!"
Charanko shot straight up in sitting position, startled awake by the distressed noise. He looked all around briefly before spotting Mizuki sitting right next to him. She gave him a wide, timid smile, holding her hand up in a small wave. "Haha… Hiiii."
Saitama wasn't waiting around to be gutted. "Genos, we are leaving NOW."
"Master, without expeditious sanitary attention, the rate at which bacteria multiplies on food residue can become toxic in as little as—"
"NOW GENOS. CHOP CHOP."
The cyborg carefully placed the stack of dishes back on the table, glancing apologetically at Lily who had just finished wiping down the surface.
Saitama turned urgently towards Tatsumaki, who looked as calm as ever. "Hey, is there some way that you can use your alien powers to beam us up out of here or something?"
Tatsumaki sucked in her teeth at his gross misconception of her abilities, but ignored it to say, "I guess I can..."
Relief washed over Saitama's face. "Sweet! Ohh thank you, thank you so—"
"What are you thanking me for?"
There was something about the way she asked this question that didn't sit too well with the caped hobbiest. "Eh..?"
She raised a pointed finger to clarify. "I said I can. I didn't say I would."
His teeth started to chatter uncontrollably. "Y-y-y-you can't be serious…! I thought we were partners!"
"And as your partner..." she flew up to give his cheek a few stilted pats and whisper in his ear, "I'd advise that you start running."
In the blink of an eye, she shot out the door, nearly blasting it off the hinges.
"She left me!" Saitama expressed his outrage while dashing out the door after her with Genos in tow. "I can't believe it! After all the rocks we skipped together!"
Genos couldn't remember the last time he felt this confused, but he nevertheless followed his master wherever he went.
As the two left, Charanko continued leering incredulously at the brawnier woman who was shyly rubbing her head. "Were you...was I…" He struggled to keep his words together. "Was I just in your lap?"
Mizuki seemed to shrink a bit from seeing the disgust on his face. "Uhh...I was just..." she poked her fingers together coyly. "You would've strained your neck if I left you on the floor like that..."
Charanko took a moment to recount the events before he woke up. He slipped a hand up to his cheek, wincing when his fingers came up to the large throbbing welt that had formed. Opening his mouth in outrage, he pointed at her. "You mean after you knocked me out!"
She closed her eyes in a sharp wince at his condemning words. She actually looked like she was about to cry. "I...I didn't mean to…!" She snuffled.
Charanko almost felt bad seeing her like that. But he wasn't about to let guilt outweigh the indignity of being injured twice in one evening – by a girl, no less.
"I don't care!" He stood up, smoothing out the wrinkles in his uniform. "I told you not to come near me. Because you see what happens? You're nothing but trouble."
"Hey!" Lily spoke up angrily, hearing the dispute from afar. "What's your problem? She was just trying to help!"
Charanko snapped his head to look at her. "That is my problem! I don't want her help!"
Lily crossed her arms and gave him a disdainful look. It was apparently enough to get the boy to back down.
He raised his arms in the air and breathed out a scoff. "Jeez, I get it. I'm going to bed. Welcome to the dojo...or whatever." He turned and marched out of the room, leaving the two girls behind.
Mizuki remained on her knees, feeling the hands she rested on top of them shake. "Orange-haired Guy hates me..." She quivered.
"Hey..." Lily laid a soft hand on the bigger girl's shoulder. "No one hates you."
"He does..." Mizuki stood up to her full height. "And I mean...why shouldn't he...?" She spun around to run out the other side of the room, holding her hands to her face as she cried, "...I'm not even girly!"
Again apparently forgetting the etiquette of using doors, the athlete crashed through the wall, forming another life-sized hole right next to the one she made earlier during introductions.
Lily rubbed the back of her neck. "Oh man..." She muttered.
She somberly turned back to the dishes that Genos had left for her, intent on finishing where he left off. As she carried the load of dirty plates to the washroom, she silently contemplated on her Boss Fubuki – wondering what her icon would do to fix what was wrong.
"Achwoo~"
The taller of two espers rubbed her nose, shaking off the recoil of her sneeze as she slipped through the heavy double door into an empty Blizzard Headquarters.
Her eyes felt heavy and crusty from all the tears she spilled since her altercation with her estranged older sibling.
She shambled through the large entrance hall, sliding her coat from her shoulders and letting it haphazardly fall to the floor without even turning back to hang it up.
After a slow and arduous climb up the grand stairway, she made her way to the bathroom sink and stared at herself in the mirror.
No one likes to cry. But especially when they choose to wear eye makeup. Dried streaks of black were coursing down her cheeks, and her eyes were still puffy.
"Ugh...you look fugly." Fubuki muttered at her reflection.
It was fitting, anyway. She felt like shit; why shouldn't she look the part?
As she turned the sink faucet on and splashed fresh water on her face to wash off the mess, she could have sworn she heard the doorbell ring, but decided to ignore it.
After she finished refreshing her face, all Fubuki wanted to do was get comfortable. She made her way to a lavish living area, preparing to sit down before she heard the bell ring again.
She growled irritably, company being the last thing on this unholy planet that she wanted right now. Hoping they would get the idea and give up, she went over to pour herself some herbal tea, and just as she started dipping the pot into her cup, the doorbell rang out a third time, causing the cup to fall from her hand and shatter against the floor.
"Agh! Angels and ministers of grace, fucking KILL ME!" She screamed at the ceiling, causing the chandelier to rattle slightly.
Straightening her arms to her sides with her hands balled into fists, she power-walked to the door, promising herself to do her best not to lunge through and claw the eyes out of whoever was there before she even bothered to look.
She stopped in front of the tall entrance and took a deep breath…
In through the nose…
Out through the mouth.
She wrapped her fingers around the ornate door handle and pulled it ajar.
She didn't see anyone outside. She looked left. She looked right.
Just as she prepared to head back inside, she heard a voice call out from below.
"Psst."
She turned her head down forty-five degrees.
The source of the greeting came from inside a large cardboard box which had a sign on it that said 'Free for Adoption' along with a few tiny paw prints lovingly pressed on to the side.
Fubuki's mouth unconsciously hung open at the sight of the highly popularized dog suit worn by the hero who had made almost as much money off of merchandise as Sweet Mask did.
The careless, deadpan face of the canine mascot looked up at the woman with beady black eyes. "What's up...New Owner." Resting both paws up on the edge of the box he was tightly tucked in, a pudgy tail wagged vibrantly behind him while the rest of his body sat still.
In her stupor, all the esper could think to utter at the moment was her partner's name.
"...Watchdog Man?"
A/N: Boy you would just not believe how happy I am to finally be done with this chapter. I meant to post this earlier, but the holidays sure fixed that wagon.
If the commemoration wasn't at all obvious, we lost quite a guy late last year. And I gotta tell you, friends...that one hurt. But he was getting up there, and it wasn't entirely unexpected. Still – the movies won't be quite the same to me without spotting his gorgeous mug in them. Ever since I found out, I wanted to honor his memory in this story, since hey – it's hero culture. And what did our old pal teach us, if not what defines a real hero. I thought that would do well to play into Saitama's personal development into the bald wonder we all know and love, and it happened to compliment his canonical backstory as a child too.
Excelsior – "Ever Upward, Higher Still."
Rest in peace, Stan.
