E.TPhonehome the thing is, he's a pyromaniac, but we shall try unless it kills him. the guy's not exactly a friendly acquaintance.

Siriusly Sirius Lily Black Well, we needed somebody to keep Mandy in line. Even if she is a suck up. :) Unfortunately for Mandy, nickel shares these policies, though she doesn't show them as much. Poor Mandy. She can't do anything without two friends as close to her as sisters looking over her shoulder. Grins evilly Which is of course our job. Thanks for your appreciation. and of course you'd get a cookie - normally, except it's Easter and I'm giving out chocolate eggs. But cookies? Sure, how bout bunny shapes. The . . . more violent of the reviewers can rip their heads off. Then again so can the piranhas.

Carolsi13 yes, straitjackets are not nice especially when they're wool. The heat of the caves didn't help much either. But sugar is good, always good.

All reviewers get a bunny shaped cookie of your choice and a chocolate egg.

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor do I own any characters, places, objects or languages associated with it. That all belongs to the estate of J. R. R. Tolkien. I do however own the characters Mandy, Kelsey, Nickel, Tomato and Koli as well as several plot elements and the science class mentioned in chapter one. Though these characters (excluding the science class) are based on real people and possibly named after them, these characters are NOT real people. But they are mine. MINE! MY OWN, MY PRECIOUS!

Kelsey's PoV

Freaky Schizo Dwarves

I had finally fallen asleep against Aragorn when Gandalf decided that we should go right. Darn.

The walk was uneventful, unless you count Nicole ambushing Legolas and strangling him. Mandy solved this by using the straight jacket.

When we arrived at Hall 21, all of us were tuckered out from our wonderful journey. Nicole was released from her straight jacket, and we all crowded in a corner.

"So . . ." Mandy began from her perch on a rock behind Legolas, her arms wrapped comfortably around his neck. "Anybody know any ghost stories?"

"Uh . . . No . . ." I shivered. Aragorn put his cloak around me. I wasn't cold, though, I was scared. But it had been a sweet gesture, so I kept it.

"Ooh!" Nicole volunteered. "How 'bout I do fortune telling? Come on, it's better than ghost stories!"

"I guess . . ." Mandy conceded.

"Okay . . . Legolas first." She grinned wickedly. Mandy tightened her grip on Legolas as Nicole came forward. "Hold our your hand," she demanded. Legolas held it out stiffly. Nicole snatched and examined it. "Hmm . . . Hoom . . . Hara–"

"Nicole, hurry up and stop sounding like Treebeard!" Mandy shouted. The Fellowship stared at her.

"Treebeard?" Gandalf inquired.

"Er . . . He's a friend . . ." Mandy informed hastily.

"Be quiet, Mandy," Nicole ordered. "No then . . . In another time, you will be–"

"A pirate?" I offered. "'Cause he's hot as a pirate!"

"I beg your pardo–"

"No," Nicole snapped. "He will be fighting fora woman not Mandy . . .and die." Mandy squeezed Legolas tightly.

"Nicole, I must inform you that your information is incorrect. Paris does not die. His brother does. Get it straight. Paris kills Achilles with his bow and arrows," I corrected.

"But don't all the Trojans die except that one girl? Cassandra or whatever she's called? Of course, I think the wife of the guy who takes her home to be a slave or something kills her. He may not die in battle, but he'll die when they've got the city and they find him for taking another dude's wife and making her his."

"I liked the pirate better, anyway," Mandy retorted as Nicole moved on to Boromir.

"Hand." He gave it to her. "Ooh . . . Not a good hand. 42 days for you, poor guy." Boromir snatched his hand back and stared at it as though he could prove he would live.

"Nicole, maybe you could stop for a while," I offered, for one look at the Fellowship told me that Nicole's predictions were scaring them half to death.

"Awww . . . come on, it's a month before valentine's day and we should scare you love birds . . ." she glared at Legolas pointedly," out of the candy hearts and chocolate."

"Nickel . . ." Mandy was not happy.

Nicole shrugged and grabbed my bag, pulling a blanket and a small pillow out of it. She snuggled against a rock. I also grabbed those supplies afore mentioned and shut my eyes next to Aragorn, who placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Legolas. Do you really think Nicole's predictions will come true?" Mandy whispered.

"Well . . ."

"Legolas, I'm a better fortune teller than Nicole. You are not going to die." I snickered softly.

Legolas now loathed and was scared of Nicole. Mandy was silent a moment, "She's right, ya know, it is a month before Valentines Day."

"What is that?" Legolas asked.

Nickel sat up, "It's a day in honor of a guy named Valentine who died for God and has slowly evolved to a day celebrating . . . human love. Now Valentines Day is all naked babies with wings, chocolate and roses. Good Night!"

"What did she mean by that?" Someone asked in the darkness.

"Go to sleep!" I told them.

"I meant about the cherubs." It was Mandy, "I haven't seen any naked babies."

"Well, from the way you're carrying on, you will." I retorted, leaving the comment for Mandy to figure out.

There was a little scuffling before silence, which meant that everyone was probably resting . . .

BOING! BOING! BOING!

I bolted up, causing Aragorn to jerk awake.

"What is it?" he asked rather sleepily.

"Dunno," I answered. Mandy and Legolas were peering off into the distance alongside Gandalf.

BOING! BOING! BOING!

By now, the Hobbits were up as well as Boromir and Gimli.

"Gimli," Gandalf asked quietly, "do you have any recollection of this?"

"Nay," Gimli murmured. Gandalf drew his sword.

"Everyone, spread out," he ordered softly. "Go, at once!" I clutched Aragorn's arm as we to up and walked around the hall.

Boromir's PoV

I had shaken off Gimli, who had become frightened yet again, and had fanned out as Gandalf had said to. I came across a door and the sounds seemed to grow louder.

BOING! BOING! BOING!

Cautiously, sword drawn, I pulled the door open. My eyes grew wide, and I shut the door.

"Gandalf," I whispered.

Mandy's PoV

I gripped Legolas' forearm tightly, glancing back at Nicole momentarily. She was still asleep. She wasn't drugged . . . At least I don't think she was drugged. Just once she's asleep, she doesn't get up.

Once we were all gathered around the door, Boromir gestured at it.

"It's in there."

"What?"

"Whatever's making that noise," Boromir replied grimly. Gandalf went forward and cautiously opened the door.

"Oh, ah!" he cried as a blur of color flung out of the room and into Tomato.

"OW!" Tomato groaned as Aragorn and Boromir ran forward and grabbed the figure that was on top of him.

"Koli sorry! Koli didn't mean . . . Koli sorry!" the figure squeaked. I frowned. It looked like a mini-Gimli.

"OW! Get off!"

"Koli said he was sorry!"

"Oh, Valar," Gimli groaned, rubbing his temples. The Dwarf squealed.

"Uncle Gimli! Tell these people I am good! Good Koli!" We all looked at Gimli, who blushed with embarrassment.

"Koli's my nephew from the Lonely Mountain," he muttered. I looked back at Koli, who was still struggling to get away from Boromir and Aragorn.

"Koli, why are you here? This place is supposed to be abandoned," I remarked. Koli's eyes grew wide.

"Well, Koli has been wanting to see his uncle for a very long time. Koli was not allowed to go. But when Koli found out that Uncle had become one of the Nine, he had to see him! Koli went to Rivendell, but his uncle had already left! So, Koli went as fast as he could to the mountains. Koli could tell that the Nine would go to Moria," Koli answered in one breath.

"How?" Gandalf asked. Koli hesitated, then whipped out a heavy book from his pocket. Gandalf took it and began to read. "What? It's a record of our travels, and–"

"And Nicole's trilogy!" I grabbed it. "Where did you find it?"

"Elrond said that it had been left, and, if I was to find you, I should take it and give it to you,"

Koli replied. I shrugged and threw the book over toward Nicole.

"Ow!" I winced and turned away as Nicole got up angrily.

"Nice shot," Legolas remarked quietly. Inside, I grinned.

"Who threw this book?" Nicole growled, holding up the trilogy.

"Koli, Koli, Koli, Koli didn't!" Koli yelped, jumping out of Aragorn's and Boromir's arms. Nicole stared.

"When did we pick up this hyperactive freak?" she asked. Koli scowled.

"Koli not a freak! Koli–"

"No! No! No! No!" We all cringed and looked in the room. Gimli was moaning over a large white block.

"Oh . . ." Koli murmured. "Dead cousin . . . Second cousin for Uncle Gimli and third cousin for me . . . I think . . ."

Boromir disappeared to grab the few packs we had as the rest of us filed into the room slowly . . . Except for Tomato. He ran into a corner, a dark one, mind you. Gandalf picked up a book of records and began reading the last days of life in Moria. Kelsey, Nicole and I prepared ourselves, as we knew what was coming up next. Koli, however, bounded over to Tomato.

"What, what, what are you doing?" he asked. Tomato muttered something unintelligible, pulling out a lighter. Koli stared.

"F-f-f-fi-fi-FIRE!" he howled, bouncing up and down. This outburst startled Pippin and caused him to knock the skeleton down the well. There was a short silence.

"Smooth . . ." Nicole whistled softly.

"Smooth . . ."

"Merry! What did I say about copying?"

Nickel's PoV

Something began rumbling all around us. I groaned. First, I had been rudely awakened and now I was going to fight and possibly die. Joy . . .

Boromir ran over and checked the door and almost got shot.

"They have a cave troll," he gasped sarcastically, slamming the door.

"No dur," I commented, pulling out my bow and stringing it. I grabbed an arrow and aimed it at the door, right about Boromir's head.

"Don't shoot me!" he hissed, ducking. I loosed my arrow as an orc tried to force its way through the door.

"Wasn't going to," I retorted, drawing another arrow. "Hey, Legolas? What are you doing? Pouting 'cause I took your shot?" I looked over at him.

"Come on, can't I use your bow and arrows?"

"Lady Amanda, you know that you cannot use it," Legolas replied. "You have already tried."

"Mandy!" Kelsey cried, whipping out a sword from her sheath and a dagger from the inside of her boot. "Get a weapon already!"

"But I can't fight with any weapon!" Mandy whimpered. "So . . . Ah!" she squealed, pointing at the door. It was shaking like crazy and the wild yelps from the orcs were growing louder. "Save me!" she squeaked, hiding behind Legolas. Legolas reached behind his back, grabbed Mandy's hand and pulled her out from behind him. Then he gestured for her to get over by Tomato.

"Hide over there!" he ordered as the orcs burst through the door. Mandy yelped and ran.

"Yeah, your knight in shining armor will save you." My voice dripped with sarcasm. Legolas aimed an arrow at me, but I ducked. It hit an orc. "Gee, thanks."

"What the heck!" Tomato's voice rang through the chamber. "What the heck are these things? Back, back!" I glanced toward him. Tomato was using his lighter to ward off the orcs, and Mandy was crouched behind him, arms over her head.

"Get away, get away, get away!" she squealed, every once in a while swatting the air above her. I smirked, aiming and loosing an arrow at a particularly ugly, bald orc.

"Bulls-eye!" I grinned, grabbing another arrow and stabbing it at an orc. The fight was becoming interesting. A duck here, a thrust over there. Oh, and kill more orcs than Legolas so I can rub it in his face.

"F-f-f-fi-fi-FIRE!" Ooh . . . Koli had seen Tomato's fire. Now that has cool effects. Koli began bouncing like a ball all around the room. He knocked out a couple of orcs, which Boromir and Aragorn stabbed. He also repeatedly hit the cave troll on the head so that it got really confused. Then Frodo got stabbed as the troll tried to stab Koli and missed.

"No!" Merry and Pippin cried.

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam shouted. His dagger was drawn and he looked ready to kill Koli. I, with great aim, shot the dagger out of his hand, smirking.

"Idiot!" Kelsey shouted. "You hurt Frodo! Die!" And with that, Kelsey leapt up onto the ledge where the cave troll was trying to kill Legolas. Legolas shot it's head, and it stumbled a bit but didn't fall over.

"Careful, Kelsey!" I yelled. Kelsey leapt onto the troll gracefully and secured her legs around it's neck. (A/N: Think Harry Potter, Sorcerer's Stone.) Then she pulled an oversized, ten-gallon hat out of her bag as the troll began to jump up and down furiously.

"Yee-haw!" Kelsey shouted, holding on for dear life and jerking the hat onto her head. She kept kicking it, which made it even more agitated, so that tried to grab her. She pulled out her sword and hacked at its fingers, which only made it howl loudly. "Idiot. My dog's a better buckin' bronco than you!" And with that she leapt off the troll, swinging her cowboy hat in the air.

"Kill it!" Someone shouted. Legolas had been shooting at it, but my single shot made it fall over dead.

"Ha! Beat that!" I countered. No one answered me, as they were all crowded around Frodo. Everyone except Mandy, Legolas, Tomato and Koli. Tomato was trying to pull Koli off of him (Koli's arms were wrapped around Tomato's waist).

"My friend! You is alive! Koli very happy! Can Koli see firebox? Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please? Koli wan–"

"I know!" Tomato shouted. "Maybe I'll let you see it if you get off of me!" Koli just squeezed him tighter.

"Koli's friend! Koli, Koli's friend!" Koli squealed. "Koli loves his new friend!" I smirked. Koli could choose his friends very well. Not.

Meanwhile, Mandy and Legolas were talking in hushed voices.

"I can't believe it," Mandy murmured. "That was so scary . . ."

"You weren't even fighting," Kelsey commented, leaning into the conversation.

"Yeah, but seeing all of you almost getting sliced to death several times . . ." Mandy shuddered as Frodo began to stir.

"Yeah, well, I save Legolas' butt so many times . . ." I boasted.

"Nicole, I saw Legolas save your sorry person a lot more times than you save his," Mandy interrupted. I glared at Legolas who, in turn, glared at me. So, I stuck my tongue out.

"You know what? Y'all can just stop that! I saved all of your darn butts about twenty times, so I wouldn't be talking if I were you!" Kelsey shouted, irritated and now in a spot beside Aragorn.

One comment from Sam ended the conversation. "He's alive."

We glanced at Frodo who was rubbing his chest.

"Well, he's okay at least," Kelsey commented, leaving Aragorn's side briefly.

"Yeah, well," Mandy turned back to me. "So? Why can't you and Legolas stop getting at each other's throats for a little while?"

"Um . . . A) Because then I wouldn't have the fun I'm having. B) Because you wouldn't have as much fun. C) Because Legolas wouldn't get to hate anyone and would be too perfect. D) Because then there wouldn't be conflict. E) Be–"

"Okay! Enough already! We get the picture," Kelsey groaned before looking around. "Hey! Where'd they go?"

So, what'd ya think of Koli...We (Mandy and me) created him during a boring Journalism period...Hope you liked him! -The Editor

Of course Kelsey saved our sorry butts - she's Kelsey. Kelsey and Koli are the only characters so far who have a right to be perfect, 'cause their names start with a capital 'K.' Hence, the spelling of 'perfect' should be 'perfeKt.' Hey . . . that looks kind of cool . . .