Chapter Eight
Janet Frasier stood behind Sam, their eyes fixed on the man lying on the bed in obvious pain in the room below them, the glass reflecting their own emotional expressions. The small doctor placed a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder, the taller woman's gaze not leaving their sick friend but she responded softly, "He looks awful."
"He's gonna get a lot worse, and it's going to happen fast," Janet answered in a subdued voice of her own, blinking away tears as she brought her hands together to stop from shaking.
The usually well collected military woman seated in front of the glass closed her eyes, her thumb continuing to stroke her mouth as she contemplated the fate of her friend, wishing beyond hope there was something she or Janet could do. "I'm sure you're doing everything you can," she managed to reply from behind her hand.
Janet shook her head. "Sedatives and pain killers, that's all we can really do," the doctor answered, the heartbreak evident in her tone. Both women knew how difficult it is for doctors to accept when they cannot help, especially when the person is someone close to them. "You have no idea how painful this is going to get." Sam closed her eyes again and blinked back tears. Janet looked down at her intertwined hands and softly let out a confession she knew would be understood, but still appalling to even herself, "You know, I'd never usually say this, it goes against everything I've been trained to do, but the truth is, he'd be a lot better off if I . . ." Janet's voice caught in her throat, but her seated friend knew how that sentence was going to end.
Considering it carefully, the blonde shook her head and gazed down into the room below them, watching with a heavy heart as Daniel's girlfriend made her appearance in the doorway. Nicole's face was streaked with tears, her red hair pulled haphazardly into a ponytail, and her eyes bloodshot and puffy. She grasped the doorframe tightly, so much so that the whites of her knuckles were apparent even to her friends watching from the other room. Her vision was trained on the man she loved lying in the bed a few feet from her, but she didn't make any movement toward him.
Just then, her eyes darted toward the panes of glass, connecting with Sam's and Janet's on the other side. Sam shifted as if she was going to get up, but Janet's hand landed on her shoulder again, stilling the taller woman. The doctor exited the room and reappeared next to the grief-stricken woman in the corridor below. Janet's hands wrapped lightly around the woman's shoulders, and she took a step into the medical room. Sam watched as the compassionate doctor led Nicole to Daniel's bedside, Nicole's hand reaching out and touching her boyfriend's lightly, carefully avoiding the bandages wrapped tightly around his palms. The man's eyes opened, focusing on the new face above him, and a small smile began to form on his face.
"Hey," he whispered. "There's a face I love to see."
Nicole watched in terror as Daniel convulsed on the bed under the light of the alien device. Janet immediately kicked into action, the doctor in her taking over completely. "He's seizing. Help me get him on his side."
Sam's face fell, and she panicked, her eyes widening in fear and dismay at what she had just done. "I'm sorry," she told Janet quickly, hastily stepping out of the way of other medical workers and placing a hand over her chest, where her heart was beating fast and hard. She stole a glance at the men in the other room, noticing the new arrival of Nicole next to Jack, the small woman clinging to the colonel's arm for support as she watched the scene unfold beneath them.
"Ease him back, easy," Janet ordered as the medical workers carefully placed Daniel on his back again, the man's eyes closing and unconsciousness falling as the drugs Janet pumped into him took effect. Sam took one last glance at the observation room, where her eyes connected with Nicole's briefly. The red haired woman shook her head and released Jack's arm, his look of concern lost to her as she fled the room as fast as she could.
"Nicole," Sam whispered before following her friend.
She caught up with the frantic woman in the hallway, Nicole still walking at full speed away from the room where her boyfriend's condition was rapidly declining. "Nicole, wait!" Sam shouted, running to catch up with the distraught woman.
Nicole whirled to face the taller woman, her eyes flashing with rage as she brought her fists up to Sam's chest, the blonde having no time to react before they made contact. Beating her friend with her fists, Nicole pushed Sam into the wall behind them, the alien device slipping unnoticed off of Sam's hand onto the ground as she wrapped her own hands tightly around Nicole's wrists. Knowing she'd be bruised later, Sam's strength was still more than a match for the hurting woman, and she stilled the fists without much of an effort.
"You could have killed him," Nicole breathed amidst the torrent of tears that now fell. "You could have . . ." she trailed off and lowered her arms, laying her head on her friends shoulder and just let go, weeping uncontrollably.
Surprised, Sam's eyes widened as she dropped Nicole's hands, and she tentatively placed hers on the anguished woman's shoulders. She nodded and let a few tears of her own fall. "I'm sorry," she repeated, feeling the pain rip through her own heart again.
Nicole sat quietly as she watched her sleeping boyfriend, remembering all the nice things she had heard their friends say as they had come to visit him. She had pretended she wasn't listening, but it was hard not to. Jack, in his own befuddled, round-about way, had told Daniel he respected the younger man, a compliment Nicole knew was great coming from the hardened colonel. Sam had told Daniel he had an effect on people, and he'd changed her. She now sees things that really matter, a statement that had caused fresh tears to run unbidden down Nicole's cheeks. And Teal'c had stimulated the tears once again when he told Daniel he was losing one of his greatest friends.
Finally, relief came in the form of Sam's father, Jacob Carter, the man joined with a Tok'ra symbiote many years earlier. The Tok'ra Selmak assessed Daniel's condition with the device Sam had used earlier, then informed everyone that he didn't know if he could heal the man, and even if he could, he couldn't return Daniel to his full, healthy state.
Sam summed up everyone's thoughts, "Do what you can."
They all stood around and watched Jacob/Selmak as they did their work, the device humming quietly as it performed correctly in the hands of a skilled operator. Nicole stood next to Janet and watched transfixed as it seemed her prayers were going to be answered. Prayers she hadn't been exactly sure where to direct.
"Jacob," Jack whispered, his unexpected sound capturing the attention of everyone else in the room. "Stop."
Nicole's fingernails dug into Janet's arm, but she couldn't find her voice in the midst of her astonishment and alarm. Jacob answered incredulously, "Are you serious?"
Jack's focus settled on the older man in the room as he answered softly, his voice filled with remorse, "It's what he wants."
Each person stared at Jack in disbelief, wondering why he was saying such things. Jacob turned to look at Janet and Nicole across the bed and asked pointedly, "Someone else want to tell me what to do?"
Neither woman answered, but gazed back sorrowfully at the man. Nicole looked as if she were about to start crying or yelling all over again. Still, she remained quiet, staring at Jacob with pleading eyes that were beginning to fill with tears. Even Sam blinked a few times, holding back the impending flood.
"Just let him go," Jack whispered one last time. Jacob pulled back, shutting off the device with his mind, and the humming ceased immediately. Everyone stared at the heart monitor, watching as the red lines crossed the screen indicating Daniel's beating heart.
All at once, they heard the bandaged man take one last breath and the lines become flat as a horrifying beep filled the room, indicating the man in the bed was dead. Nicole hid her face in the doctor's shoulder, clinging to the woman as if her life depended on it. "Colonel," Janet said, the fear lacing the edges of her voice.
Before he could answer, a bright light seemed to envelop the dead body on the bed. A brilliantly bright being replaced the body and began soaring upward, toward the ceiling. Everyone watched, mesmerized by the white light, and even Teal'c appeared astonished beyond belief as they watched the light ascend.
And even as the last tendrils of light disappeared from sight, everyone but Jack was staring upward after it – him, Nicole guessed. That had been Daniel, moving on to some other plane of existence, to "ascension", she guessed. It didn't help ease the pain as she slowly released her death grip on Janet's arm and moved away from the group of people she had come to love as friends. Flashing Jack an infuriated glance, she quickly left the room.
An hour later, the Air Force Colonel found the sobbing girl in Daniel's office, seated at his desk in the corner, in the middle of the mess that was always there. Pulling up a chair and flipping it backward, Jack sat down with a heavy sigh, and his arms came to rest on the back of the chair. He watched her for a few minutes without saying anything, but not oblivious to her angry glares in his direction as her tears slowed.
Finally, the flood stopped altogether, and she took a few deep, calming breaths. Able to compose herself at last, she fixed him with a cold glare as she spoke with an equally as steely voice, "What do you want?"
He shook his head and reached out for her arm, only to have her pull away. Sighing, he replaced his hand on the chair once again and answered carefully, "I know you're in pain, Nicole, and I don't blame you for being upset with me. But come on, you think I wanted to do that?"
She blinked a few times, shaking her head back and forth as it was her turn to sigh deeply and drop her head onto the desk. "I don't know what to think anymore, Jack. Daniel's gone, and I'm still here. That wasn't something I expected to happen so soon. Actually, I was secretly hoping I'd die before he did."
Jack nodded, understanding covering his features as he reached out again and finally succeeded in connecting with her arm. "Kiddo, no one expects these things to happen."
"Doesn't make it any easier."
"I know," he whispered in response as he scooted closer.
Her head still on the desk, she turned it so that she was gazing directly into her friend's eyes. His hand retracted, and he grimaced at the depth of the pain echoed in her emerald eyes. Taking in a deep breath, she whispered almost inaudibly, "What did he say to you?"
It took him a moment to process her question, and then it finally dawned on him what she was asking. "He said . . . he said he had to go. That he could do more that way . . . and he doesn't know if he'll ever see us again."
"And he chose this . . . willingly?" she asked, fresh tears shimmering in her eyes.
Jack nodded, his eyes filled with compassion as he watched her expression change again, this time to one of utter despair. Shaking his head, he inched closer yet again, this time draping his arm around her shoulders. She leaned against him, his comfort apparently welcome. "Come on, kiddo. You know he loves . . . loved . . . loves you."
She was quiet a minute, not bothering to answer that particular sentiment. Finally, she spoke. "I'm scared, Jack."
He nodded. "That's okay, Nicole," he whispered, the use of her name not lost on her ears. "Don't worry. I've got your back."
There was a knock at the apartment door, but the red haired woman seated quietly on the sofa made no move to answer it. In fact, she made no movement at all. Her green eyes gazed dully out the window, through which sunlight streamed onto the cream colored carpet. Knees pulled up to her chest, cheeks stained with now dry tears, the formerly powerful girl's appearance betrayed her new fragility, her expression one of utter shock and fear that shimmered so delicately beneath the surface.
One more knock. Still the woman refused to move, seemingly frozen to the spot. The door opened slowly, revealing a concerned woman with short blonde hair and probing blue eyes. "Nicole?" Sam called as she entered the small apartment and closed the door behind her, slipping her lock picking tools back into her jacket pocket.
Turning, the Air Force major sighed and moved to sit by her distraught friend. "Nicole," she said again, placing a tender hand on the girl's back, causing the girl to finally turn and face her.
Green eyes stared at the newcomer for a while, her gaze not wavering from Sam's in the least. Finally she broke the silence, the corners of her lips pulling upward slightly, "That's called breaking and entering," she whispered in a teasing tone.
Sam smiled and shook her head. "Are you going to report me to the police?"
"No," Nicole answered, a small smile creeping onto her face. "You're probably untouchable by the law anyway."
"Never really thought about that before," Sam answered, tilting her head thoughtfully. She sighed again and replaced her hand on her friend's shoulder. "Have you eaten today?" she asked in a concerned tone.
"Yes, mother," the red haired woman intoned with a roll of her eyes and sarcasm dripping off of the last word.
Sam shook her head and folded her arms over her chest. "Nicole, I'm worried about you. If that makes me act like a mother hen, then I'm sorry, but I'm only trying to help. You haven't even left the apartment in over a week! I'm only trying to get you back to the land of the living."
Nicole regarded her friend in silence for a few minutes, her smile long forgotten in the seriousness of the moment. Finally, she sucked in a deep breath and tore her eyes from Sam's face, focusing instead on the dark television screen. "Why?" the grieving woman asked softly, the whisper so quiet it took a minute for Sam to realize what the woman beside her had uttered.
"What do you mean, why? You're not the one who died, Nicole."
"He didn't die, Sam. He left," Nicole spat crossly, her green eyes flickering with pain and a slight twinge of fury.
Sam nodded sadly, inching closer and once again reaching out to her friend, this time her hand landing on her arm, squeezing slightly. "He had his reasons. I'm not going to defend his decision or claim that I'm happy with it, either, but I do know one thing."
"What's that?"
"He loves you."
Nicole huffed and shook her head. "Not enough to stay with me."
"We don't know that."
"Oh, please. He's ascended now, isn't he? Whatever the frack that means." The red haired woman sucked in a deep breath and blinked several times before continuing softly, regret seeping into her tone, "No, Sam, he left me. He left me after I gave up everything to be with him."
Sam nodded, blinking away tears herself. "I know. I'm sorry. But that doesn't mean you should stop living the life you have now."
Nicole shrugged. "What else is there for me?"
"There could be a lot! I talked to General Hammond, and he said you could have virtually any job you wanted. A mind like yours could be a great asset to the SGC." She smiled suddenly at a thought that occurred to her. "If you weren't afraid of going through the Stargate, I'd suggest you become the fourth member of SG1."
This caused Nicole to smile a little, brightening her face slightly. "Yeah, Jack actually asked me that earlier in the week. Apparently Hammond's getting really insistent that he choose the final member. Jack's even considering that Jonas Quinn guy."
"Really?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise. "I asked him about that the other day, and he shot the idea down forcefully."
Another shrug from Nicole. "Guess there really aren't many options."
The blonde opened her mouth to reply, but before she could there was the unmistakable sound of a door opening and closing behind her. She turned, completely floored when she was struck with the sight of Colonel Jack O'Neill entering the living room, his arms full of what appeared to be dinner from a local restaurant. He caught Sam's eye and Nicole's grin and flashed one of his own in their direction before placing the bags full of to go boxes on the coffee table. "Carter," he greeted her casually as if his actions were nothing out of the ordinary.
"Sir," she replied slowly, watching as he moved to the kitchen and retrieved three beers out of the refrigerator. He came back toward them, handing them the cold drinks and then set to work dividing the food. Sam watched him incredulously, intrigued with the different side of her commanding officer being presented before her.
Jack brought out a chicken finger dinner and placed it in front of Nicole, whose eyes lit up as she reached excitedly for one. He reached back into the bag and looked up, meeting Sam's eyes. "Um, I didn't know you were going to be here, Carter, but we have about a million chicken fingers if you'd like some."
She nodded, feeling the familiar ache in her stomach as she watched Nicole eat greedily, the golden honey mustard dressing dripping out of her mouth and onto her shirt as she giggled softly. Jack smiled as he dished out some chicken for his 2IC, handing it to her silently before getting out some for himself. After he had a plateful, he finally sat down on the couch opposite the women and settled down comfortably.
"Hey kiddo, could we watch TV or something?" he asked, not even looking up from his food.
Sam's eyebrows dipped downward in confusion as she watched Nicole reach over and click on the television before throwing the remote at the man across from them. He smiled and immediately turned the channel to a hockey game, turning slightly so that he could see the picture from his comfy position on the couch.
As Nicole leaned back into her own spot, Sam caught her eye and mouthed discretely toward her, "Kiddo?"
The redhead burst into giggles as she nodded, effectively procuring the attention of the military commander seated on the other sofa. He watched the two women carefully, then looked down at himself. "What? Did I spill something?"
A few hours later, the lady of the apartment politely requested that her friends leave so that she could at least try to sleep. Pushing them gently out the door, she smirked when they nervously brushed each other's arms and then jumped away quickly. Rolling her eyes, she bid them good night and shut the door behind them, heading toward the balcony.
Sam and Jack walked down the apartment stairs together in silence until they arrived at her car and both of them stopped short on the sidewalk. She rocked a little back and forth on her feet, a sign of her uneasiness. "So . . . sir, you've been bringing Nicole food?"
Rolling his brown eyes, he sighed heavily and ran a hand through his graying hair. "Yeah, just fast food and stuff like that. And I know what you're thinking," he said, holding up a hand as if to stop her from saying anything, "It's all unhealthy stuff. But I'm a guy, Carter, and all I'm interested in is getting her to eat."
She smiled softly, shaking her head. "Actually, I was going to thank you."
He stared at her in disbelief and then blinked a few times. "Thank me?"
"Yeah." She nodded. "You're really taking care of her. I won't lecture you about how unhealthy it is – you're getting her to eat and that's good enough. It's more than I can say for me . . ." She trailed off, her blue eyes finding the pavement beneath her feet.
He snorted and dug his hands into his pockets, scraping the ground back and forth with one of his sneakers as he did. "Well, it helps," he murmured, watching her face closely as her eyes came back up to meet his. "It helps, you know, to keep my attention on her. It . . . hurts less."
Surprised, Sam's mouth opened partly, a startled expression falling over her face as she regarded him carefully. It wasn't like her superior to discuss his feelings at all, much less with her. This rare occurrence caused her to step forward and slip her hand into his lightly. "That's understandable," she whispered. "It's been hard on all of us, Jack," she used his name delicately, squeezing his hand a little before she pulled back toward her car and putting distance between them. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, sir."
Back on her balcony, a small smile grew on Nicole's face as she watched her two friends interact. As if she had been expecting something of this sort to happen, she reached in her pocket and withdrew a compact cell phone. She pressed a speed dial button and brought the phone up to her ear. When she received an answer, her smile split larger, and she said into the phone, "Hey, Janet. Yeah, it's me. You would not believe what I just saw."
