Blog Entry Number 63------------------------------September 29, 2006 4:30 pm ET

You build up these walls of lies, these walls surround you day in and day out.. Lies that have consumed. Lies that you have become to believe... Lies that late at night, you cry yourself to sleep; hoping that tomorrow, that someone doesn't find out, but wishing at the same time that someone would..

I'm okay.. I swear... Do you believe me? Because that is a bold face lie.. I'm not okay, and that's the truth...

I want to be alone, ashamed to see anyone, horrified of someone knowing who and what I really am.. But I'm in desperate need at the same time; for someone to hold me tight; someone to tell me it's going to be okay; someone to take my pain away.. I know it's never going to happen, that I'm going to have to save myself.. I can't save myself though... I live only to please people, I would die and I would be more happier than I have ever been.. And I haven't been happy for along time..

It doesn't feel like its getting better... 58 days and counting and it still feels the same..

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Jazmine ruffled her feathers and rolled her eyes trying to figure out something else to type. A few minutes later she sighed and logged off her account, figuring she would vent later that night before she went to bed or maybe just tomorrow..

Right as she was doing that Rogue passed by Jazmine's opened door, stopping and rapping her knuckles on the door. "Hey sweetie, are you almost done with your homework?" she asked as she walked into Jazmine's room.

"Ugh?.." Jazmine stutters a little "Oh yeah, see" she grabs the papers that she had printed out earlier, that were still sitting in the printer tray, showing them to Rouge.

"Great" Rouge gave her side way hug "You are sure catching up with everyone else in you class"

"Yeah me.. the studious type" Jazmine rumbled and gave a short laugh "who would of thought"

Rouge gave her a laugh in return "Anyways, dinner will be ready soon" she told her as she started to walk out of Jaz's bedroom..

"Oh okay" Jazmine replied in a chipper tone while rolling her eyes at Rouge's back "I'll be down shortly Aunty Ro"

She turned back to her computer and logged back into her blog account, as Rouge left her room

Blog Entry Number 64----------------------------September 29, 2006 4:51 pm ET

Someday soon, it feels like I am going to snap... How long til then? I don't know, but when it happens its going to be big and I'm scared I might hurt people.. People that have been there in my life since day one. Like Aunty Ro, Uncle Remmy and the rest of them.. I know that Izzie and Danny are probably going through the exact stuff as me, but since I haven't seen them since that day.. Izzy shipped off to be with her parents in Ireland and Danny... God knows where Danny is, I hope she's okay, I know she ran off from her Grandparents (I wasn't suppose to find out but I overheard Uncle Bobby's conversation to Aunt Lorna), she's more of a fighter than Izzy or I, so I know she'll be okay.. I just need them.. My best friends, my sisters.. Through thick and thin.. Right?

I know they think keeping the three of us apart is for the best... But if the only new the half of it.. If they only new the truth.. They would see that three of us being together is the only thing that will make everything be better.. If they only could see that..

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She logged off her account, shut down her computer and turned of her lights... Locking her bedroom door, she put the fake happy face she had been wearing for the last few months turned around and walked down the hallway to join everyone else downstairs in the Dinning Room..