A/N: I'm sorry it's been so long since I last updated. Some very bad things have happened in the last month, and to be honest, I just couldn't bring myself to do any writing. My life has been one big mess. I know that's not your problem, just felt I owed you all an explanation. This chapter hasn't been beta'd, so any mistakes are my fault alone. Due to my very crappy mood, this chapter is probably not very funny at all. I'll try to get back on track, though. Thanks to everyone that is still reading this and especially big thanks to everyone that reviews. It makes me feel good to know people are enjoying this.
Disclaimer: Not mine at all. Harry Potterdom is the property of J.K. Rowling.
Legilimens Loathe Chicken Legs
Ginny stormed through the portrait into the Gryffindor Common Room and stopped to glare at the second year she almost plowed over. "Move," she commanded menacingly.
Unfazed, the girl stared back at her with a curious look. "What's wrong, Ginny?"
Yipping as a growl trickled from Ginny's lips, she pivoted and dashed for the far side of a chair. Colin poked his head over the back of the chair and grinned. "Hey Gin! Are you done with my camera? Isn't it fantastic?" he enthused.
Ginny slowly turned her head and pinned Colin with a dead stare that said clearly, Do not talk to me. Do not look at me. Do not consider any sort of interaction with me now, because you will lose precious parts of your anatomy if you do.
Oblivious, Colin continued merrily. "I love it. I'm so glad my parents gave it to me. Just wait until you see the photos you took; they'll be unbelievable. What did you need it for, anyway?"
Her hand spasmed around the camera she gripped and a tic began to pulse beneath her eye. Slowly, she ground out, "Not now, Colin. I'll talk to you later."
He popped up out of the chair and began to make his way towards her. "What's wrong? Did you already develop them? Didn't you like the photos you took?" he asked worriedly.
"Aargh!" she shrieked as she hurled the camera at his head. "Take your stupid, sodding camera, and leave me ALONE!"
All noise in the room vanished immediately as everyone turned their attention to the drama unfolding in front of them. Reflexively, Colin ducked as the camera sailed straight for his face. It crashed into the wall behind him with a crunch.
"Hey! What the hell, Ginny! Where do you get off-" he yelled.
She took a step closer to him and, in a carefully controlled voice, began, "Not. Now. Colin. I'm going to bed, and I'll figure out a way to fix it tomorrow. It has been a very, very bad night."
She whirled for the stairs, and took one stalking step towards them before crashing into someone. Knocked off-balance, she flailed her arms, desperately trying to regain her equilibrium. Two dark arms reached for her as she went over backwards, landing heavily on her arse.
"Oh man, Gin, I'm sorry. I didn't see you..." Dean stuttered as she fell.
A heavy silence blanketed the room as she sat there a moment, dazed. When she fell, everything slowed down for her, and there was nothing as she landed. No noise, no movement, no pain. Blessed numbness.
Then everything roared back to life, all at once.
Dean reached down a hand to help her up, Colin started yelling at her again, and pain flared to every extremity of her body. She opened her mouth and screamed, a high piteous noise. Once she began, Ginny couldn't stop. She screamed and screamed as sobs tore from her throat and overtook her, gathering a life of their own, fueled by the humiliation and shame of the last few hours.
As her concerned housemates gathered around her, Ginny rolled onto her side and curled into a ball, clasping her knees to her chest. She cried, letting out the confusion, pain, desire, guilt, frustration, longing and everything else that had built up inside of her.
Unnerved, Dean knelt next to her, pushing her hair back from her face and apologising profusely. "I'm so sorry, Ginny! Are you okay? Where are you hurt? I'll go get Madam Pomfrey."
"No!" Ginny yelled. Dean looked at her doubtfully and began to stand up.
"I do not need the nurse! I'm fine," she choked. "I HATE him! I hate him so much!"
Confused, the circle of people around her gave each other questioning looks. Ron and Hermione were pushing themselves through the circle to her side when Ron asked, "Hate who? Who did what?" He grabbed her arm and shook her. "You're hysterical, Ginny. Snap out of it!"
Hermione knocked him away with a rough push to the shoulder. He glared at her. "Who do you think you are? That's my sister, Hermione," he said indignantly.
"Let her be, Ron."
"No! Something's wrong, and I want to know what!" he yelled.
She looked at him, as if deciding what to do. Finally, never taking her eyes from his, she called, "Harry?"
Harry stepped forward and grabbed his friend by the shoulders, pulling him up. "Ginny will be okay, Ron. She needs Hermione and her friends now, not her older brother. C'mon. She'll be alright. Just let them take her upstairs, okay?" he soothed.
Lavender appeared from behind Harry and moved to Ginny's side, across from Hermione. Silently, they looked at one another. Understanding suddenly lit in Lavender's eyes as Seamus mocked, "Why'd you have to bust his camera, Ginny? Not very sporting of you. Either you're losing your mind or it's that time again."
Lavender whipped around and spat, "You shut your gob before I shut it for you, Seamus Finnegan!"
He raised his hands defensively and backed up a step. "Whoa now, Lav. Just trying to lighten the mood, is all. Didn't mean it."
Between the two of them, Hermione and Lavender managed to pull Ginny to her feet. They hustled her up the stairs quickly. Parvati and Natalie MacDonald separated themselves from the group and hurried up the staircase after them.
After getting Ginny into her dormitory, they all settled down to comfort her. After some back- filling of the story from Hermione and a lot of prying, the girls got a detailed explanation of what had transpired between Ginny and Malfoy.
Laying gingerly on one hip, Ginny continued, "I can feel my pulse in my arse. Do you have ANY idea what that is like?"
She poured out the whole sordid story to them as they gasped and made comforting noises when she got to the part when he pinned her in the corridor. The room erupted into madness when Ginny told them about him losing his temper and spanking her. Hermione began to choke, and Natalie had to pound her back for several minutes until she could breathe properly again. Outraged, the girls made dire threats to Draco Malfoy's continued good health until Hermione said quietly, "I told you there were a lot of things that could go wrong with your plan."
Everyone was quiet as they looked at one another. Silently, they came to a consensus. "We'll help you in any way possible, Ginny," Parvati said determinedly. "Whatever you need. And right now, Lavender and I are going downstairs for damage control."
(down in the dungeons...)
Draco slammed his head against the wall behind him as the statue slid back into place, sealing the entrance to his room. He spared a glance in the mirror to confirm what he already knew. A vivid hand print engulfed his cheek, proof to all that a girl had bested him.
He spent the better part of an hour cursing that horrible Ginny Weasley as he thumbed through 'An Introduction to Healing: A Novice's Guide to Basic Spells' looking for a way to remove the mark that was fast turning into a bruise. Countless failed attempts and another hour later, he finally stared into the mirror at his unblemished reflection. Throwing his wand carelessly on a table, he flopped onto his bed and glared at the ceiling, mind turning to that embarrassing conversation with his Head of House.
"Vacant? Obviously infatuated?" he snorted. "As if I would ever be infatuated. Ha! What a silly term to apply to a Malfoy. We don't get infatuated. Intrigued, yes. Obsessed? Occasionally, if the subject is deserving enough. But infatuated? How... plebian." He covered his eyes and sighed. "I'm simply determined to not let her get the best of me, is all. Putting her in her place. If I get a few snogs out of it, all the better."
His mind replayed their little scene from earlier, igniting an uncomfortable and slightly embarrassing stirring in his trousers. It's only to be expected, he thought. I'm a man, and if nothing else, she was well versed in the art of snogging. If only she hadn't run off like that... if she'd stayed and we... BLOODY HELL! The camera!
He shot up, almost knocking his head on a bedpost. "The camera! She took it with her! How did I not realise this before?!"
Draco jumped from his bed and, before he knew it, had his wand in hand as he fastened his robes and made for the passageway out. Realising she would have long since made it back to Gryffindor Tower, he tore the robes off and threw them to the floor in a fit of temper. Whirling, he pointed his wand at the sofa and fired a Blasting Curse.
The sofa exploded in a shower of sparks, fluffy pieces of stuffing floating throughout his room until it resembled nothing so much as a blizzard.
"Bloody, sodding, no good bastardising, flaming pile of- GAH!" he cut off abruptly as he choked on a piece of stuffing he inadvertently sucked in whilst gathering more air to continue his very cleansing rant. Swiping ineffectually at the cloud of fluff assaulting his face, Draco fought the sneeze itching that back of his throat.
"Achoo!"
Valiantly resisting the urge to sneeze again, he glared at his former sofa as it smouldered next to the fireplace. A tiny white puff landed on the tip of his sharp nose and refused to move. His every attempt to dislodge it only made it hover in the air for a moment, before settling right back on his nose.
"I... hate... this place," he grumbled irritably.
Draco stomped over to the mirror to pick it off and stopped. A nimbus of soft white covered his head and shoulders, giving him a distorted halo effect. Stubborn wisps of stuffing clung to his eyelashes, and one had even wedged itself in the corner of his lips.
"I look like a bloody duck!" he screeched.
"Scourgify!"
He looked at his fluffy white reflection for a moment.
"Evanesco!"
The stuffing disappeared from the room, leaving a very disgruntled Draco standing in front of his mirror. He turned back to the pile of ashes by the fireplace. "Reparo!"
Satisfied as the sofa returned to its former pristine shape, he dropped onto his bed with a bounce.
"Now, how to get that camera before she ruins me for good?" he mused.
(the next morning, in the Great Hall...)
Draco ignored Blaise's attempts at innuendo. He's annoyingly chipper for someone at 07.00 in the morning. Must've had a pot of tea before I arrived. The never-ending stream of babble was starting to give him a headache as he thought about Weasley and that blasted camera. A sinking feeling overtook him as he chewed thoughtfully on a grilled tomato.
He had lain awake for hours last night, trying to come up with a feasible plan for obtaining the camera before she could completely destroy his carefully-crafted reputation. Every idea Draco came up with either defied the laws of probability or involved him being carted off to Azkaban for murder. Dammit. Guess I'll just have to see how she plays it. Maybe she won't even show up this morning. Maybe she's seen the error of her ways and decided to... Shit.
Ginny marched through the doors of the Great Hall with a small platoon of Gryffindor girls surrounding her protectively. Each girl glared at anyone misfortunate enough to catch their eye as if they had stood up and declared that they were going to become the next Dark Lord.
Dean Thomas popped up from the bench and began to apologise for something when one of the troops swatted at him and shouted, "Oh, be quiet, Dean! She doesn't want to hear it again, okay? Just sit down and ponder the virtues of silence; a concept men don't seem to grasp very well!"
Draco watched with interest as Ginny sailed past the poor, befuddled boy and stood at an empty section of the Gryffindor table. When the other girls took their places around her, they all sat down in concert. This impressive display of solidarity was marred by a yelp of pain as Ginny dropped onto the bench. Very careful to not guffaw with laughter, as he so desperately wanted to, Draco fought to remain impassive as Ginny turned to glare balefully at him from her seat.
(several minutes later...)
Prof Sinistra paused in the midst of slathering gooseberry jam on her toast and looked suspiciously at the man next to her. "I don't suppose you know what precipitated this, do you, Severus?" she asked wryly.
Pushing his eggs around his plate innocently, he said, "No, of course not," before quickly taking a bite and staring at her with wide eyes.
"You know, that's a terrible look for you. You don't do innocent well at all. In fact, don't ever attempt it again. It's painful to watch. Now, out with it."
A sharp bark of laughter escaped him before he remembered where they were, and who was around them. "Not the slightest idea what you're on about, Melissande. Precipitated what?" he baited.
She narrowed her eyes and continued to glare at him expectantly. "What?" he whined.
"Oh, I don't know. How about Ginny Weasley and her all-female SAS? Or the look she gave Mr Malfoy after she yelled when she took her seat? Doesn't any of that strike you as odd? And weren't you on duty last night? Hmm?" she continued, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"SAS?" Snape asked.
"Don't act dense with me, Severus. You know something and you damned well had better spill it before I get angry."
He shot her a quick glance before taking another bite of eggs. After a moment, he sighed. "All right, no need to get in a huff. It's not like I know all that much anyway. I saw Draco on his way back to his room at the end of his rounds. He had the Look, Melissande." Meeting her questioning gaze, he explained, "You know. The Look. That besotted, infatuated, just-got-a-boulder-dropped-on-my-head look. The Oh-Merlin-I've-developed-hormones-and-they've-overtaken-my-common-sense look."
"Oh, THAT look," she said dryly.
"Stop that. I know you understand what I'm saying. We instruct teenagers on a daily basis; I'd wager anything you've seen it before."
"Would you now?" she drawled thoughtfully.
"Oh no," he cut her off. "No more bets. This school wouldn't be able to survive it."
"Hmph," she said. "I was only joking, Severus. Now, stop getting off-topic."
"As I was saying. He had that horrible look on his face, and was sporting an almost perfect handprint on his cheek. Sort of stands out on someone with his complexion. Really couldn't miss it. And when I asked him to explain, his answer consisted of 'I... she...'. SO, using my advanced powers of deduction, I gathered that the hand had belonged to Ginny Weasley," he finished.
She was quiet for a moment as she crunched on her toast thoughtfully. Taking a sip of juice, she said, "Advanced powers of deduction? I hardly think a master of deductive reasoning would come to that conclusion. Now, being the talented Legilimens you are, you would have noticed him in a vulnerable state, and were certainly near enough to hold his gaze. I don't suppose you exploited those circumstances, did you?"
His mouth dropped open in shock. "Prof Sinistra! Are you insinuating that I invaded my student's mind and drew out the memories of their interaction?" he asked in an offended tone.
She leant back in her chair with a deceptively uninterested expression on her face. "Yes," she replied blandly. "That is precisely what I'm saying."
"Impossible. He would have heard me say the incantation." Snape said defensively.
She snorted delicately. "To quote Hagrid, codswallop. You forget, Severus, that I am very well acquainted with your talents as a Legilimens. Just because you normally use the spell doesn't mean you have to. Now, stop being coy. Tell me everything you know," she commanded.
He looked around them surreptitiously. "Not here. What I saw is somewhat, erm... delicate in nature."
"Fine then. As soon as you're finished, we are adjourning to my chambers to discuss this."
A subtle wash of colour suffused Snape's sallow face. "Your chambers? Right. Just give me a moment to finish my potatoes."
(meanwhile...)
Keeping a careful eye on the Gryffindor table, Draco left the Great Hall, determined to go back to his room and devise a plan to get the camera. He turned to make his way down the stairs when a commotion behind him made him turn back warily, wand in hand.
Padma Patil stood by the doors with Mandy Brocklehurst, Su Li, Morag MacDougal, Lisa Turpin and Luna Lovegood. Since all women made him edgy these days, he backed up a step.
"Can I help you ladies," he sneered, emphasising the word 'ladies'.
Padma studied him as she gave him a calculating smile. "I have a proposition for you, Malfoy. Your... situation has shown everyone how lacking in alliances you are lately. We've," she indicated the other Ravenclaw seventh years, "done some research and discovered a charm that may help you escape your predicament."
"And this is out of the kindness of your hearts?" he replied derisively. "I assume there's a catch."
Padma tossed her hair back with a wicked smile. "Of course. You think we'd intervene on your behalf if there was no gain for us?"
"Well?" Draco asked, affecting a bored look. "What do you want?"
Mandy Brocklehurst stepped up next to Padma and gave a self-deprecating grin. "N.E.W.T.s are coming up, and we don't feel the professors are providing us with enough time to study in the library. There's simply not enough hours in a day. We will show you this charm that will fix your little problem if you allow us to gather in the library after curfew."
"Patil here is a Prefect. Nothing's stopping you."
She shook her head. "You obviously don't understand. While Padma is allowed out past curfew, it's only for nightly rounds. And the rest of us are not even Prefects. Now if we had the Head Boy's permission, it wouldn't be an issue with Filch. You tell him you authorised it, and we'll give you the answer to your problem. Deal?"
Draco contemplated their offer, looking for anything out of sync. It seemed plausible, and it really was the only solution presenting itself. "What's the charm?" he asked cautiously.
"It's like this." Padma drew her wand and gave it two sharp flicks before waving it in an arc. "Ieiunio Quiesco!"
Draco suddenly felt very drowsy. His last thought was, Suppose I should've asked what the charm did before I...
Su Li moved forward to the prone form lying on the floor, snoring. She clapped her hands sharply next to his ear. When he didn't wake, or even twitch, she turned and grinned. "It worked. Lisa?" she prompted.
The other girl pulled a scrap of parchment from her robes and handed it to Su, who passed it to Mandy. When all the girls had memorised the contents, Lisa reduced it to dust with a quick spell.
Padma nudged the deeply sleeping Draco with the toe of her shoe. "Git," she snorted. "Like I'd help you after treating my sister like that. And costing Ravenclaw our chance at the House Cup two years ago. Hmph. Serves you right. Alright, is everyone ready?"
The girls nodded and moved to circle around Malfoy, their wands pointed at his body.
"Nullus evidens!"
Draco Malfoy suddenly lay there in only his robes and shoes. Padma turned to Lisa with a frown. "I thought you said this charm would remove the wearer's clothes?"
She shook her head in confusion. "I don't understand. That's precisely what the charm does."
Luna cut in dreamily, "Maybe robes aren't the same as clothes. And shoes aren't clothes either. My father said-"
"Dammit!" Lisa spat. "I can't believe I didn't think about that!"
Mandy patted her arm comfortingly. "Doesn't matter. Just conjure the camera and we'll unfasten his robes. Not a big deal."
The doors to the Great Hall swung open with a thud as Ginny, Hermione, Parvati, Lavender and Natalie strode out, talking quietly amongst themselves.
The Ravenclaws stood in front of Malfoy's body, successfully hiding him from view. Unfortunately, that did nothing to stop the snores he was emitting at an alarming volume.
Parvati walked towards her sister suspiciously. "What're you hiding, Padma?"
"Nothing, Ti."
Parvati snorted. "You only call me that when you want something. Now, what's that... Oh my!" She looked over her sister's shoulder and spotted Malfoy's bare white legs, incongruous against the harsh black of his robes. "How'd you do it?"
Ginny and the rest of the group came up behind them. "Do what?" Ginny asked. "Who've you got back there?"
Ginny gaped at Draco Malfoy's sleeping body. He lay with one arm sprawled out and his bare legs flat against the cold floor. He looked ridiculous in nothing but robes and shoes, snoring peacefully in the midst of eleven girls. She started to laugh. "What are you planning on doing?" she asked the Ravenclaws.
"We were going to take a photograph of him like this, then leave him for everyone in the Great Hall to stumble across as they come out after breakfast," Lisa said.
"Brilliant," Ginny crowed. "I applaud you. We'll just be on our way-"
"What is going on here?" Snape exploded from behind them.
They all turned, horrified at Snape's particularly bad timing. There he stood with Prof Sinistra, staring at them with horror equal to their own.
"We, erm, we were just trying to help Malfoy," Padma offered meekly.
"Yes, looks like one of Peeves' pranks," Hermione chimed in.
"Knocked him out completely," Natalie said, her voice quavering.
"Look at those scrawny chicken legs of his," Luna added. "Don't you think they're funny, Professor?"
"Hey, Malfoy, you out here?" Blaise bellowed as he pushed his way through the doors. "I've... erm, what seems to be going on here?" he asked as he looked around at the gathered faces. "Sir, have you seen Malfoy?"
"Yes, Mr Zabini. He's right over there, being attacked by the large group of girls," Snape said levelly.
Finally, Blaise's eyes lit on Draco's prone form. The amusement in his voice readily apparent, he remarked, "Well, if a man has got to die, there are worse ways than naked surrounded by almost a dozen women."
"Thank you, Mr Zabini, that will be quite enough," Prof Sinistra said with a small smile. "Prof Snape, I'll handle this. Why don't we have that meeting in, say, 10 minutes? That will give me enough time to clear things up here."
Looking thoroughly put out at losing an opportunity to yell, deduct points and issue detentions, he nodded curtly. "Very well, 10 minutes." He turned with a flare of his robes and left.
"Zabini! Let's go. This doesn't concern you. You'll have to satisfy your gossip-mongering later," Snape called over his shoulder.
Looking at the girls longingly, Blaise said hopefully, "I don't suppose any of you lovely ladies will fill me in later?" His eyes pleading, he looked first to Padma and Parvati, but they were studiously examining the floor. Hermione glared at him, Ginny simply raised her eyebrows and smirked. Luna cocked her head and looked at him quizzically.
"Did you know Malfoy has chicken legs?" she asked him, completely serious.
He laughed until his sides burned. "Chicken legs? Lovegood, you are priceless. I'll be sure to keep that in mind. So no takers on what's going on out here? No one?" He heaved a dramatic sigh. "You haven't any idea how difficult it is to drag embarrassing information out of Draco Malfoy, have you? Fine. But don't complain when I hound you for details. 'Ta!"
After he left, Prof Sinistra looked at the gathered girls, varying shades of guilt shadowing their features.
"Let me begin by telling you how ashamed of all of you I am. I have never seen behaviour like this from any of you before. I know about this bet going on," she chastised, "and I'm sorry to see you all being so petty. Thirty pointy each from Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. If I hear about any of you involved in something like this again, you will not like the consequences. Go on now, all of you."
They scattered quickly. "Miss Weasley! Come back here a moment, please. I have something else to say to you in particular."
Ginny slunk back. "Professor! I didn't-"
"That's quite enough. You may not have cast the charm yourself, but you are most certainly responsible for it, ultimately. You will wake up Mr Malfoy as punishment. Now, if you please."
Ginny pulled her wand and moved to stand next to Malfoy. "Finite Incantatem!"
Draco sat up, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He turned to Ginny, blinking and disoriented. "What? What's going on?" he slurred. "Why am I dreaming about you again?" he continued.
Ginny opened her mouth to remind him that he was duped by Padma and the Ravenclaws when he grabbed her hand and yanked her down hard. She hit her knees and tipped forward as he dragged her against his half-reclined body. "If you're going to poison my dreams, Weasley, I at least deserve a kiss out of it," he grumbled.
Before she could open her mouth, he had sealed his lips over hers.
A shocked moment later, Prof Sinistra cleared her throat loudly. "Mr Malfoy!"
He broke the kiss and looked up groggily as Ginny scrambled to her feet and ran away, her footsteps echoing as she pounded up the staircase. "What? Why're you here? I don't like older women," he stated, "so you can't be in my dr..." Draco looked around. "What the hell? Who... Oh no." He sighed as he held his throbbing head with one hand. "I'm very much awake right now, aren't I?" he asked miserably.
"Yes, Mr Malfoy, you are. I have to say, you have an interesting way of thanking Miss Weasley for lifting the curse placed on you."
He looked up at her, shock making his eyes go wide. "She lifted it? Why?"
"You'll have to ask her, Mr Malfoy. Now, may I suggest retiring to your room for a change of clothes?"
Draco turned distracted eyes to his Astronomy professor. "Yes, yes, of course. I'll see you in class on Monday, professor," he muttered as he stumbled away.
A pleased grin creased her face as she strolled towards her chambers.
(Late that night...)
A shadowed figure crept out of the Owlery and retraced their footsteps through the castle, pausing cautiously to listen for anyone patrolling the corridors. Moving past the portrait after whispering the passcode, the person glanced around the darkened common room. A dying fire in the hearth provided the only light as a dark shape detached itself from the far wall and moved forward.
Blaise walked up to Pansy and leant down, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek and a swift hug. "Thanks, pet."
