I flicked my cigarette butt out into the cold and slammed the door as soon as I saw Stan dial Kyle's number. Why was I crying? I didn't understand what the hell I was thinking. I had been helping Stan to come to terms with his sexuality for years now, we both helped each other. I collapsed against the closed door, burying my face in my hands, breaking down into heavy tears.
What the hell had I done? I just closed the door on the person I loved, sent him off to meet someone who would never feel as strongly as I do right now. Stan didn't have a clue how I felt. I wiped the tears away. 'Stop fucking crying Ken' I thought, ' Do you realize how fucking pathetic you look right now? Stan doesn't love you back, he wants Kyle'
'But maybe if I had told him, had explained…I should go after him' I spoke to myself.
'Face it' said my mind ' He's been best mates with Kyle since you guys can remember, he's good looking, rich, and got a heart of gold. He isn't even gonna look twice at a scrawny poor rat like you.'
I nodded in agreement. If I really loved Stan, I would let him go and be happy. I would just drag him down. Least I know I did the right thing. I shook the thoughts out of my head and tried to forget about it, but nothing worked. I pulled another fag out my pocket and sparked up.
'Fuck. I need a drink'
