Shit. It's ringing. I started to tremble all over.
'Hello?'
'Hey… its Stan.'
'Ah right, what up dude?'
'Erm, could you meet me at Starks Pond in like 10 minutes?'
'Why dude?'
'I need to talk to you'
'You're talking to me now aren't you?' Kyle started to sound a bit annoyed, I had to punch the next words out of my mouth.
'No, face to face..'
'Ah right, erm. Ok, ill borrow my Dad's car, my Mums taken mine to pick up Ike from the game. Be there in ten'
'Cheers mate.'
I hung up. I stared at the phone. Am I doing the right thing here? Kyle is never going to accept this. As soon as Kenny told him that he was gay, he wouldn't speak to him for months on end, and even still he doesn't like me seeing him now.
I drew one last breath from the dying filter and chucked it into the snow. I was glad I had it, but the shakes still hadn't gone though. I was terrified. I didn't know what to think. Why did I feel so empty? So hollow about this whole idea? The only person I had ever been able to talk to about this was Kenny. I told Kenny virtually everything in the past few years.
'Hang on' I said to myself. 'If Kyle's my best mate, why didn't I go to him about it all? If he was really my best mate he would have understood, right?'
'No' said my thoughts. 'You went to Kenny because you knew he would understand you better than anyone else. You haven't been going round there to cry about Kyle, you went there as an excuse to cry on his shoulder, to be with him'
My eyes widened and a shot of electricity went straight through me. I didn't want Kyle. It made sense. I went there to just see Kenny, I felt hollow because I didn't want our closeness to end. Christ! I needed to get out of there.
I turned around to start running back to Ken's place but Kyle was already there, striding towards me.
'What's all this about Stan? What's wrong with you?' His tone of voice sounded annoyed. If I was going to say anything, I had better say it now. It was now or never.
'I..I.. erm..'
'You what?'
I swallowed hard, the words aren't coming out. They didn't want to. So I told him the truth, I owed him that much.
'I, I am going to go and ask Kenny out.'
'What?'
'Yeah… I'm gay Kyle.'
He stared at me with up most disgust.
'I'll see you later Stan, when you've snapped out of this' He turned and started to walk away, but I wasn't finished.
'You know what man! Kenny understands me more than you ever did. You always tried to make me into another version of you, never listened to what I had to say. You judged me for who I was, but Kenny has treated me with respect. And guess what. I fucking love him for that.'
'You love Kenny' I bit my lip, had I said too much? Was Kyle going to explode at me? But I realized I didn't care, and carried on shouting at him.
'Yeah! I do actually, and you know what? I don't really care what you have to say about it, it's my life and my choice Kyle.'
He walked off still shouting at me, ignoring what I had said.
'I knew out friendship was on the rocks, but this bad? I thought you actually had some sense, Kenny will snap out of it one day and I hope you will too. Hope you both are fucking happy together. Night Stan.'
He hastily got into his car and drove off, skidding on the icy roads. He couldn't get away fast enough. I fell to my knees in the snow. I started to laugh. What a lucky escape I just had! Tears streaming down my freezing face with happiness! I actually stood up to Kyle, and it felt so good. It felt amazing to chuck away everything I felt I wanted, but now I was left with what I really needed.
Kenny.
I picked myself up and started to run back to his house, my legs feeling numb. I couldn't get there fast enough.
I'm so sorry Kenny… I have really fucked up. I'm so sorry…
